HA. I just realised that I have 5 exams within 4 days after finalising on my modules. gee. GEE. And i thought i had lots of time spread out between the modules..shucks. feel like changing back to SC1101E now. lol.
IT1002 05-May-2008 Morning
LAJ1201 05-May-2008 Evening
NM1101E 06-May-2008 Afternoon
PL3233 07-May-2008 Afternoon
PL3255 09-May-2008 Morning
Ah well. I have a four day week though:) Unless I don't get my tutorial slots. haha. I have 3-4 lessons a day for each of the four days though. for every week. lol. so intriguing. just looking at it makes me feel tired. haha!:)
doing up my timetable for next week now:) haha. planning both frustrates and intrigues me xD
Taking intro to programming with flince:) taking japanese 1 with jiankai:) taking intro to new media with yitsun and jiali:) taking cognitive psych with yishyan and hweefung and dunno who else:) taking intro to pediatric psych with lingyun and jiayan and her friends:) keke. what an exciting sem ahead.

Oh by the way, Persona -trinity soul- seems quite interesting when i watched it yesterday:) the back part anyway. haha. do take a look at it.

haha. Just finished watching the first episode of 'True Tears'.. it's another sappy romance love story kind of stuff which i usually drop after watching the first episode (e.g. Da Capo.. ) unless it's really funny and has substance. True tears started REALLY SLOW.. i agreed with one of the comments given on crunchyroll.. 'i got bored within 5 mins of the show'. haha. but it got much more interesting when Isruku Nayaga came out at the 7-8th min of the show. haha. It's got potential i suppose. Things started to pick up. Will be quite interested to watch the next episode!:)
I realised, as I was adding this anime to my media list, that I have 26 series that I'm currently catching, and that's excluding certain anime which i never finished (e.g. claymore, saiunkoku monogatari, honey and clover 2). Anime included on my list includes D Gray Man, Bleach, Shion no Oh, Shakugan no Shana 2, Kekkashi, bamboo blade, higurashi no naku koro ni kai, majin tantei nougami neuro and the likes. haha. My slice of life/comedy fixes are not on the list 'cos i've finished them all! ahhhhh. i need more genshiken/lucky star/himawari/minami-ke!
XD

This one word poem is entitled

Onomatopoeia

Crack.

------
the resolution to the last trial came yesterday :) hehehe. need to continue to follow up on it.
-----
and so it ends. in a quiet fashion. with few people who know about it. with the person in it who don't. to hide, to shy away from, to cover it up in. to let go and hold on stubbornly again. and then let go. and stubbornly grasp it once more before it floats away. and when all that's left is a limp string holding onto empty hopes, you have no choice but to let it go afterall :)
-----

风筝有风，海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白，所以离开
所以不再，为爱而爱
自己存在，在你之外

suddenly feel like going ktv to sing all the liang jing ru songs. hahaha.

[WARNING: PICTURES GALORE - All not mine. hahaha]

I was searching around for cosplay events in Singapore when I came upon this in one of the forums:D Oh the joy!


And thereafter the excitement and anticipation in attending the event as a spectator sparked and grew. hahaa. and i sought to look for people to go to the event with me!:) so far only got nicholas, eugene and huanyi confirmed :D hohoho. join us join us! experience an unique culture XD

Some brilliant photos taken from past year cosplay events in Singapore:

From Naruto!


Kurosaki Ichigo from Bleach!


Two other characters from Bleach (can't remember their names. the girl's character is sui fong.. the guy's i can't remember the name.)


The following two are from Rozen Maiden:D Rozen Maiden has BRILLIANT costumes. I would love to see the whole set and take a photo of all of them together=)


More!


hehehe. I don't remember who this is. VERY FAMILIAR.. but i can't remember. XD


A group from ouran high school host club!:)


hahaha. this one was sent to me by eugene! his friend!:D


so cool right! hahaha

And now that my conversation buddies have gone off, I'm here to post some stupid stuff up!:) hahaa. rating to be advised. please dun mind my once-in-a-while-go-crazy-kinda-post.
was reading through the forum postings on crunchyroll when i came by 2 pictures.

Kissing scene (:P) from Lovely Complex (anime). it's a shoujo anime. hahaa. very funny. very sweet. very frustrating sometimes 'cos of the immense stupidity of the guy. if you're a girl, you like romance and comedy without much of a deep plot, you'll like this anime:) it's the kind of anime you'll want to watch after watching too many heavy and bloody anime such as claymore or higurashi no nara koro ni. Tried and tested by Xin Ying and Sharlene. HAHAHA. the WHOLE anime builds up to the picture u see above (sorry for the spoiler). dun watch for plot. i can tell u the whole plot in 4 lines.
the anime has 24 episodes in all. go figure.
by the way, if u're a guy and want to watch this, you're welcome to do so too. though i'd guess it won't appeal to you so much. hurhur.


ha. this is the controversial one. It's from the second season of Genshiken. Genshiken is actually quite a clean anime:) no funny things such as pple stripping or doing weird groping -.- no fan service. no ecchi moments (thank God!) only got converations of otakus and what they like.
this picture is actually from episode 5 of the second season of genshiken, where they portrayed how the fangirls who like the genre of yaoi in Japan think (fantasies of fangirl -.-). funny when u watch it. not so funny when u didn't expect it while watching it in sch. hahahaha.
-----
i miss my moyashimon! where's the subbing for it!

XD
I was going home when I saw a sister and brother (both of whom i know)from the Adults group near Toa Payoh station control. Was quite excited to see the sister, so i went and tapped her on the shoulder.. then i realised that they were linking arms.
hahhaa. i felt so evil after that. breaking off their moment together XD didn't know they're together o.O
XD
don't bother guessing who they are. haha. the people don't live in toa payoh. HAHAHAHA.

I remember the day of the release of A level results:)
On that day, I've arranged to meet up with my girls at the library of TP to photocopy praise and worship lyrics. On that day, after getting back my results, I was in a shock. And then I went to comfort a friend of mine who was crying 'cos she felt she did badly. Ironically, my friend had much better grades than me:)
I remember going to the vice principal's office with Steph 'cos she wanted to know our results:) We've had a few correspondences with her before. She's a very nice lady. I remember she's a Christian 'cos she had a cross on her wall which stated 'Jesus Saves...' I remember that she told us we could always go and visit her in the future:) We never did go back though.
I remember the months after.. I clung on with a stubborn belief that God will pull me through to my course and my uni no matter what. I remember declining the offer to retake As. I remember I was talking to Shirls near church office during lunch and she suggested considering other options. I remember applying to all three universities (sort of to increase my chance?:)
And i remember getting asked for the SMU interview and getting accepted into both NTU and NUS. And I thank God for bringing me through even when others who got better grades than me couldn't get into a university.
Yes God, I remember going through this with you.
And I trust You God, that You will bring me through once again. Regardless.
-----
There're certain things I believe in and certain things which I don't. It's a personal belief kind of thing.. and kinda shaped by the things I've seen or experiences I've gone through..
I believe that grades don't determine your worth:) Though sometimes grade does affect a person's IMPRESSION of how much he/she is worth.
I believe that in many situations, it takes 2 to tango. It takes 2 hands to clap, two eyes to justify the position, 2 ears to balance and 2 feet to stand stably.
I believe in holistic maturity. That being said, I don't believe in maturing socially without maturing emotionally. And I admit, I've got much to grow in this. haha.
I believe in choices. I believe there're always 2 choices in a situation. Regardless of how bad the situation seems to be. I believe that when one door closes, another door always opens.
I believe in God. I believe that God is ultimately more interested in our character than our comfort. And in that, I trust His plans regardless of how comfortable/uncomfortable they may be. Simply because in retrospect, I've seen how in many situations which seem down to men, seem wasted to men, seem useless and redundant to man, have actually brought many people to a greater growth and a deeper understanding and insight towards things. You can't mature without trials. And you can't have trials without stepping into the zone of discomfort. Maybe you can have trials without stepping into the zone of discomfort.. I'm not so sure about this. hahaa.
Following through with what's said above, I believe in persevering. Though sometimes I may grow weary if I persevere on with my own effort. hahaha. That's when I need to reevaluate the source of my strength:) That being said, I don't believe in leaving church:) (personal belief. no offense to anyone out there). I believe that since God has placed me in this community, it's not His intent to me to simply leave this community when things get tough. I believe that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I believe in bearing in the community. In having the faith to see breakthroughs even when the land (or myself) seems very dry. To date, I've only experienced 1 whole year of considering wanting to leave Hope:) haha. And i was telling Michelle today, that if today, everyone whom I'm close to leave God, I may be heartbroken, but I'll still stay.
Of course, the staying in the church part is when you ensure that the correct doctrines are being taught:)
I believe in humility. Personally I don't think I'm a very humble person. There're areas of pride in me. Actually, I think there're areas of pride in everyone. hahaa. I believe in submitting to the authority that God has placed over you if the authority is not going against the law of God. I believe that God blesses people who are humble:) Again, I've seen humble people who might not be talented or gifted in things, but because of their heart in wanting to learn and submit, God blesses them greatly and rises them up. Therefore, I believe in humility. Learning to grow in this area continually though:)
=====
I'm sure everyone has different beliefs. haha. This are just some of mine. Just felt prompted to type this I guess. Take care:)

Upgrading my windows xp with service pack 3 under the advice of Tim due to me being unable to install winrar on my laptop.. which is needed to extract the photos of sleepover night, as well as for extracting registry mechanic, which is currently in .rar form.
it's taking a very long time:) hahaa. at some points i get impatient and start to tap my feet to a silent fast rhythm, at times i stop and decide to wait it out, at times i find my eyes starting to get a little sore from looking at the computer screen for some time. stuff on the computer both frustrate and intrigue me. frustrating because of the all the things that can go wrong, frustrating when things dun go as fast as you want it to.. or files don't seem to be located in the right position.. or some problems crop up which cause you to be at a loss as to what to do.. intriguing 'cos of the customizations available i suppose.. of the cool programmes you can have on your computer.. of the potential of this black box in front of me:)
i guess this coming sem will be a slightly more technical one.. what with the learning of cognitive psy (which derives its stage approach from the computer metaphor), intro to programming, japanese language (the learning of a language is touched upon in cognitive psy). paediatrical psy will probably be out of this league though=]
what shall my last module be? someone give me suggestions!

earthquake. earthquake.

Was browsing through the songs on Darren Hayes' not-so-new album when I heard the song 'Neverland':) I like the style, though lyrics are a tad morbid.



Neverland Lyrics

Getting the songs from fungi once she goes back to America!:)

Two other songs by Darren Hayes that I like.. from former albums:)

I feel this song is similar to Insatiable (his first song), though insatiable is much more sensual. for this one, i like the front more than the back. hahaa. the back gets too repetitive for my liking.


Identifying with the person in this song helps get the meaning out of the song more:) the cd version sounds much better.


well. but i think his new songs are good=] different genre from savage garden days.. but good nevertheless.

One slow one from Savage Garden:)

If there're no restrictions, I would take these modules:
1) Psychology of gender
2) Personality and individual differences
3) Psycholinguistics (EL department)
4) Introduction to playwriting (sounds so cool!)
5) Reproductive health

and I will retake
1) Language and atypical developement
2) Forensic science
3) Abnormal psychology

ah.

the first ever online version of the lyrics of

Breathless - Darren Hayes

We were young
We were chasing all our dreams
The future seems
That it was perfect
Love was soemthing only we knew

Times change things, rearrange
Life gets in the way
Wish we cld start anew
But maybe that's impossible 'cos

Chorus:
If you leave me now
You leave me breathless
Don't let go
Well you may be through
But I'm not through with you
If you let go
you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through
But i'm not through with you

When we met
It was said our souls had come to reconnect
It felt so perfect
You couldn't bear to leave my side, but
Now you sieve alone (?) all the contents of my head
And racing over words we said
Something's unretractable, but

If you leave me now
You leave me breathless
My head held low
Well you may be through
But i'm not through with you
If you let go
You leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through
But i'm not through with you

I'm not through with loving you
We've got so much more to do
There are beaches in the sun
We have yet to leave our footprints on them
I know i can try
But i'll never find another you
Darling come back to bed
And find what we've been losing

Well you may be through but I'm not through with you
If you go you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through but I'm not through

If you leave me now you leave me breathless
Don't let me go, well you may be through but i'm not through with you
If you go you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through but I'm not through with you

I'm not through with you
----------------------

Typed on 3rd January, 2008 :) Copyright: Xin Ying. lol.

The Clod and the Pebble - William Blake

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair

So sung a little Clod of Clay
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to Its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite.'

yscxyxexycvkrexyqm
yscxyizspxymxyxic
rmsgxyexyjsxywihmwxysax
ilxiiwxyxelxxywrsmxsqi
ilxsswxyxelxxywhvsaxykrmxvsjqsg

=]

testing

i think most people are interested in business modules.
i'm not.
zen zen.
programming excites me more than business modules o.O
lol.

'That though the radiance which was once so bright
Be forever taken from my sight
though nothing can bring back the hour
of glory in the grass, of splendor in the flower
we will grieve not, rather find
strength in what remains behind' - william wordsworth

of thy sweet embrace which was subsumed, now seeks to consume and envelop me into a state of unconsciousness. a mind once clear, may, should the circumstances permit, fall into folly. though creative expressions which gently flows may be well pursued, the one whom lacks the energy to do so can never bring to full manifestation the glorification of her words.

in other words, i can't think anymore. i'm going to sleep. goodnight :)

i like episode 58 of D gray man:)

I should be sleeping.. but here're a few posts from long ago :)

May 23, 2002:
'oh well... i do dislike people who brings in religion whenever we talk about stuff. i mean... i don't mind if people sing their church songs or something, 'cos it shows their faith and dedication to their religion (which i think is cool) and that they're spreading the love so that other people would also be able to find 'an anchor in life' ... but if they do insist on offering to introduce HIM to me, i'll get irritated. it feels like they're trying to 'promote' their religion... and such. oh wellz. don't wanna say too much here 'cos people may get offended.'

June 20, 2002: (someone posed me this qn:)
'something about responsibility. do you think it is a person's responsibility to 'contact everybody to reduce this missing of theirs'? or, in general, do you think it is a person's responsibility to placate everyone who loves you and might get jealous/feel neglected/hurt when you don't happen to spend time enough with them according to that other person(s)?
and how much is it your responsibility?
it wld be easy to say it's all her responsibility of course. but let's say she doesn't even want to talk to me. would it be her responsibility just because i want her to?
but what if you have, say a married couple. and the wife is very open and friendly or something, and inadvertantly hurts her husband. is it her responsibility then to do something about it so that he doesn't feel hurt? or shd he just 'not be so conservative'?

July 30, 2002:
i was talking about sadness.
about how i was in the canteen today and lining up for food when i suddenly feel lonely. not just physically lonely. but spiritually alone as well.
about how sad i feel about it 'cos no matter how hard you try, or how close a friend you become to another person, you'll never be able to get even closer 'cos of the limitations set by the different ideas two people have. different beliefs to be exact.
about how this sadness is even greater than the -glorious sadness- whenever i feel when someone dies. how this sadness seeps into your bones and nerves and mercilessly circulates around your body system. and how it'll always resurface whenever you think of the boundaries that exist in ideas. and the thing is, it's not meant to be there to prevent bonding between friends, it's to provide support whenever one needs it, to give something concrete in life to believe in, so that one can go according to the flow of the beliefs.
and the thing is, i don't even know why i feel sad. i just do.
never felt so sad before.

November 23, 2002: (To show that Jit Sy didn't change much in terms of her nonsense:)
*grInz* i'm listening to peggy hsu's 'bo1 li2 wa4' now...translated, it'll be 'crystal socks'. ooh. did you all know that peggy's a good friend of evonne?:) *lol*:):):) and that evonne like socks. ooh. i mean small animals. rodents:) like hamsters (*gringrin* great person she is)
yeah anywayz. i was just reading through all the letters i have in my box. and was just wondering if i should regret doing some stuff in the past year. like studies, CHAOS and confessions. this is what stupid jitsy said when i answered her with the above to the question of why i keep coming online and going offline:
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
any particular genre?
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
like, i confess, i never really liked hamsters
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
or, i confess, i'm totally in love with jitsy, but that i can understand...
and this is what i replied with...
Xin Ying bonks Jit Sy on the head for being such an UTTER moron.
*grInz* so funny. i should try calling into 100.3 fm later and attempt to dedicate songs or something. ah wellz:):):)

November 22, 2002:

'It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing' - Shania Twain

hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
i'm doing fine now, I've finally moved on
it's not so bad, I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain, I'm free again

Chorus:
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath ... to forget

Don't think I'm lying around crying at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really alright
I've never looked back, as a matter of fact

Chorus

It only hurts when I breathe
Mmm, no, I've never looked back
as a matter fact

Chorus

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe

March 10, 2003:
hmmz. took the same bus as benjamin home...and on the way i received some news...which add to the complicity of a lot of stuff...ah wellz.
aww shucks. i dunno how to comfort guys. how?

March 23, 2003:
hmmmz.
today is a very confusing day:)...hehee.
went to carrie's church service today with jits. hehee:) met her at somerset mrt station...and walked there. then met a bunch of other people outside mac's...hahaha:D really nice people:) jun ting and hui chun didn't look like they're any much older:D the most j2s...but turns out to be otherwise. *grInz*
saw the other hui qing from nygh...the volleyball (i think) hui qing. relatively surprised... hehee:D
hmm..let me just jump to why i'm confused...
i'm confused 'cos for the first time, i can actually feel god's presence in the auditorium...and when i closed my eyes, it felt like just him, and me...there wasn't anyone else around...even though i could hear everyone else singing very clearly. (who can't? it was rather loud. hehee)
and even after i sat down to listen to the pastor...i still feel him nearby. the feeling hasn't left me yet. hahaa. dunno. ah wellz:) asking everyone:)

30 April, 2003:
i finally broke into tongue today. hahaha. so strange. very strange sensation. i didn't even know what i was saying...the words just spill out of my mouth. ah wellz:) so happy though:) been praying the whole week because i couldn't get baptized by the holy spirit last friday...then jun ting and hui chun and the rest of them had been praying for me and fasting (!) for the whole week just for me too. so touched.

19 June, 2004: (oh? could it be that we've served together before, but i forgot abt it? hahaa)

met joyce and jocelyn and the rest of them at buona vista mrt station..hahaha. surprisingly, i was the first to reach despite me leaving my house at rather a late hour. was carrying a broom and a pail (which never found its way back to my house again) and my big bag for staying over and walking around and having pple looking at me strangely as if i'm someone pretending to by a sweeper or something:)
yeah well:) games went quite smoothly...though we did take a lot of time trying out each game. hahaa:)we also prayed for ruisi 'cos she was having a fever...

okay. time to sleep.

Be amazed at the age of the girl who did this template:) I haven't editted anything on the skin yet.. so you can fiddle around and see how it originally looks like before i start to fiddle with it. lol.

In the process of finding a new blogskin :)

Me and Isobel wanna go to Japan in 2010:) Anyone want to come with us?

Xin Ying,

Your personality is Phlegmatic Choleric
Melancholy Strength:1 Weakness:7
20%

Phlegmatic Strength:5 Weakness:8
33%

Sanguine Strength:7 Weakness:0
18%

Choleric Strength:7 Weakness:5
30%

The nice tabled form can be found if you click at this word >>> here

Like. I greatly wonder about temperaments. hahaa.

hahaa. i'm watching 'sayonara zetsubo sensei'. it talks about a teacher who is constantly thinking of despairing situations and looks at everything in a negative light. the funny thing is, though he's right at certain points, his extreme negativity actually makes a comedy out of him. i think in a sense, the anime helps us to soberly consider about despair and actually helps us to see the world in a more positive light after it. i think it's funny. hahhaa.

Spent monday night carolling:) haha. we went to raffles city's big xmas tree, marina bay's steps, marina bay outside macs and the merlion. hahaa. think this year's carolling was not as pow-y as last year's.. but fun nevertheless:) quite tiring though. hahaa.
my friend athifa joined us for carolling:) she's from maldives and was celebrating xmas for the first time! haha. i hope she enjoyed herself:) think i wasn't really a good host.. but she's a really friendly person:) yup. glad she found people who were taking her course too! hahaa.
we ended the night with gift exchange and lots of photos. some of the girls went crazy. lol. quite a good night of songs, fun, friends and crazy pictures!:)
some of us (me, joyce, jalea, yizhong and athifa) went to stay overnight at dai's house after that:) haha. tim joined us at dai's void deck 'cos he stays one block away from dai. haha. imagine 7 of us squeezing into dai's room:D hahaha.
we spent most of the night talking:) hahaa. ohoh. yizhong also cooked noodles for us. hahahaa! spent most of the night talking about pets (tim has got interesting pets!:D he's got an iguana, a tarantula spider, some alligator fish thing and goodness knows what else before). lol. we also talked about former relationships/crushes. hahaa. out of all of us in the room, athifa was the only one who's currently attached:) don't know about the guys in the room, but think the rest of the girls (e.g me, jalea, dai and joyce) are not particularly interested in bgr at this moment:) hahaha. it's funny to hear of what people did in the past though!:) talks like this bond people together. LOL.
friendship usually lasts longer than hastened relationships:)
then tim went back to his house to sleep at 6+am, and yz and joyce went off at 9.30am.. haha. the rest of us were at dai's house until ard 2+pm before we went to visit tim's house!:) hahaa. if you ever get the chance to go to his room, you'll be super amazed at how self sufficient his room is. i was amazed when i went in. hahaa. it's like a mini house in there:D lol. it's the room of a future korean director! haha.

haha. this is so silly. i woke up with dreams of checking exam results, went back to sleep to more dreams of checking exam results. and woke up feeling slightly anxious and a little alarmed 'cos someone was calling me. lol.
Was dreaming that i was checking results for someone and that person took 6 subjects and got 3 As. woohoo. LOL. then I dreamt that i was checking results and my results did not reflect any grades at all. it was empty, showing only the CAP. whahaha. the CAP apparently increased, but I remembered feeling puzzled as to why the grades were not shown. hahaa.
Oh well:) exam results checking time always cause people's heart to go doki-doki. hahaa.
a note of reminder: your exam results don't determine your worth as a person!:) take heart in whatever grades you get and move on:)

Today is such an exciting day :)
We got to make a Japanese friend today! Yasu. haaa. I couldn't really go past the 'hajimemashite, watashi wa xinying desu. douzo youroshiku onegaishimase.' stage. lol. he's very yasashii (gentle) and friendly.. he was using polite form (as what joyce said) and easy words (e.g. sugoi and atsui - hot) so that we can understand:) hahaa. he wants to learn chinese! i want to learn japanese! can i teach him chinese? hahaa.
and Weiling shared her testimony today:) kekee. i'm a proud mother who was dabbling in her child's presentation for the past 2 nights. hohoho. thank God for your life! your courage and boldness! and your continual trust in God:) i think it makes more impact in the people who actually know her life well:) hehe. she wasn't kidding when she says she holds 5-7 tuition jobs a sem.. 'cos she doesn't get any allowance from her parents. she earns what she spends. thank God for her. a dear sheep to me. a dear friend as well. different groups, same vision.
and made a new friend! haha. she's interesting:D hahaha. hope to get to know her more in the days to come!:)
ah. and we have a new brother!:D ah. when one sinner repents, the WHOLE heaven rejoices:) think the heaven is having overnight celebrations at this moment. our new brother took a long time to think through science and whatnots before coming to his decision. Thank God for him in his heart in exploring the truth.. and thank God for God that His truth guided him to where he is now. the truth is the truth. it can't be denied. nor hidden.
exhausted. but excited.

hehe. xxxHolic was one of my favourite anime and still exist as so:) I love the manga too.. just that I don't have the endurance to check out when the next book comes out.. (e.g. every half a year o.O) but i'm ever so glad that the second season is coming out in 2008! hahaa.
xxxHolic is very beautifully crafted=]
yup. continuing to watch naruto after a hiatus of more than 3 months on the series. i'm like on, episode 50 of the first series. hohoh. lots more for me to catch up on:) moyashimon and genshiken 2 are taking their time to produce the next episode and i've caught up on bamboo blade. bleach has started to bore me, so i shall put it on hiatus mode=] kekkaishi is not bad.. but it's not exactly the best:) it's more catered to children i think.
heh. i didn't realize that two of my favourite lecturers (sounds slightly contradictory.. since favourite denotes singularity) are friends of each other:) i'm glad they are though. they're both very nice people:)
i like unassuming people:) i think most people like unassuming people. people who don't go around guessing other people's motives towards them everyday:) not hostile.
unassuming doesn't mean the person is naive. means the person is innocent as a dove, shrewd as a serpent:) people who are careful in their dealings, but bighearted in their mannerisms:) sharp, yet accepting :)
let me add in something random. my fishtank (along with the poor goldfish) got stolen. heh. sadness.

I still have not much of a voice:) haha. Going Klunch with melody and joyce and jalea. Was looking forward to it 'cos haven't sang karaoke for some time.. haha. I think I'll go there and listen to them sing, while i eat my lunch and drink my drink. lol.
Quite exhausted in these past few days 'cos of settling things around. Quite exciting as well. I'm tired, but still glad at the same time. And it's not those kind of I-psycho-myself-to-be-happy kind of glad, but really a kind of 'ah-I-know-this-is-tiring-and-stretchy-but-i'm-still-glad-it's-happening-now-rather-than-in-the-future kind of glad. ah. It won't make much sense to you unless you've experienced it yourself.
Christmas is coming:) Quite excited about the play in christmas service! hahaa. excited 'cos I heard it's a comedy and the idea's pretty cool. Excited also because of the carolling:) My friend Athifa from Maldives has decided to stay in Singapore in the holidays for the first time, and she wants to experience celebrating christmas, so I'm excited in this aspect as well 'cos she said she don't mind joining us for carolling.. haha. Her first time celebrating Christmas 'cos Maldives doesn't celebrate Christmas:)
Oh gosh, my eyes are closing themselves.
I'm just glad that Christmas means more than a festive season to me now:) heh. It's amusing to me whenever I share to people that I used to be anti-Christ. The other day I was thinking about how in primary 6, I think i managed to convince my friend Yue Rong (she was a christian at that time. I think we were talking about ghosts) that Christianity is fake XD
hehe. Don't playplay. When you're up against God and His people, God will move to protect His people and show forth His realness :) Not to say that God is being elitist, but more of how a father will move to protect his child when the child gets threatened, God will move to protect His people for His name's sake as well:)
Anyway, why am i talking about this? haha.
I still get mildly irritated at people who claim that they're Christ followers, yet do not live a life that shows forth this relationship with God though. By which, I do not mean a life whereby you go hallelujah everyday (that's pretty insane), but a life of transformation in character and continual maturation. We're all imperfect people, but we should always seek to be more Christ like each day, all the more as God works powerfully within us.
Of course, maturation doesn't apply only to Christians. To everyone in fact. Hehehe.
Okay. I don't know why I'm suddenly talking about maturation:) but yup. I should go and sleep.

I realise that I like slice of life anime with comedic characters=] haha. Anime like 'Lucky Star' which is quite random and 'Genshiken' entertains me greatly:) Perhaps it's 'cos I have a relatively short attention span.. Slice of life anime usually don't have an elaborate continuous plot. hahaha:)

I have lots of things to blog about, but everytime I cam to the 'create' page in my blog, I lack the words to start, let alone craft it.
I wanted to write a poem about the dream which I had. It was a gray dream.. as gray as the sky that's framing the white buildings opposite of my house at this moment. Gray was not the colour of which the dream was in though. Gray was the base emotion throughout the dream. There were flashes of colour once in a while, but the end of it all left a gaping pitless torn feeling. at the moment where the dream was supposed to be at its most vibrant, what came was instead the contradictory emotion of loss.
the insurmountable anguish at the dream's brightest, most glorious moment.
speaking of loss, since I lost my voice on Saturday night, I've chosen not to speak/sing if I have a need to. As a result, my thoughts have mostly been contained inward, my actions more passive. My main source of communication comes through smses and msn conversations, of which it allows me to 'talk' effectively without actually having to talk out loud. Like all voices, when it's not used, it fades. And upon trying to speak, I realised that it's not as easy for me to enunciate certain words anymore. I have nicely attributed it to the lack of practice of my vocal cords.
A lack of practice produces rusty vocal cords. A lack of practice produces rusty skills. No wonder God warns us against being lazy in the bible!

I believe in loving people. As much as I can, I try to give of my time, my money, energy, my help...
Am reading 'Love beyond reason' by John Ortberg now (Weiling lent me the book:)
Can identify when he says that..
'If I love someone, it means I have certain hopes and intention and wishes for them... I long for them to flourish and blossom. I want them to realize all their potential. I want them to become filled with virtue and moral beautiy. ...
This means sometimes I may need to do that which will cause pain for the one I love. Love is often confused with softness. When we speak of doing "the loving thing", we sometimes think it means "always doing what the person I love would want me to do." This is not love, it's not even sane. Try it with a three-year-old, and odds are she'll never make it to four ...
... in many cases authentic love 'will unnerve, offend, disturb, or even hurt those who are being loved." ... If I am really for a person, I am willing to risk saying painful things, if pain is the only way to bring growth. ..
But only humbly, reluctantly. True love never desires to inflict pain for pain's sake."

ah. so true :)

The three main points about love. What i typed was a small part from the first point.
1) Love means being for the one who is loved
2) Love delights in and enjoys the one who is loved
3) Love gives to and serves the one loved

Let's continue practicing tough love!:)

Oh. I lost my voice! how am I going to do recording on Wednesday? hahaha

Today is the final culmination of my three trials in one day :) haha. I think I nearly broke when the third thing happened. The first two were exciting enough, the third just blew me away happily.
I have never ever in my whole entire 21 years felt so overwhelmed before. So overwhelmed and limited, yet I don't have the luxury of time to sit down and think through things. People to comfort, people to counsel, quick responses needed. People to meet in an hour's time :) A short time of prayer with God, asking for strength and continual love, asking for God to bless the people around me and the service later and I'm off.
Sermon today really spoke to me:) It comforted me. It broke me down. It gave me the strength I needed. It gave me great assurance. Worship time ministered to me greatly. A broken and contrite heart God will not despise. Praise time ministered to me too. I nearly cried during praise. lol.
Thank You God for moulding me:) Looking forward to a time of greater intimacy and wisdom from You!

A tidal flood of crimson anger.

Today a brother smsed me, giving me the option to choose my own christmas present. hahaa. something that i need. hmm.
i think in a sense, it got me thinking about languages of love? this brother and i both have the same languages of love.. quality time and touch in equal proportion. and i think both of us show love in one similar way - gifts. think in a sense this brother has really blessed me and other sisters and brothers quite an amount for things in the physical.. exam pack, birthday gift, vday roses (-.-) And though I've reminded him a few times that my language of love is not gifts, i think i can see that he really want to bless us and show his love for us, in a way that he is most familiar with. hehe.
so thank God for this brother:)
hope that you'll find another way of loving other people.. or else your savings will decrease dramatically at times of the year. save up for your future!
lol.

Think this song describes quite aptly my relationship with God. hahaha.

"Always have, always will" - Avalon

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days we're reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me, when...

I wrestle most days
To find ways to do as I please

CHORUS
I always have, I always will
You saved me once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone can fil
You always have, always will

I was born with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have arrived by now
I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough
To last me a lifetime

I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to you

CHORUS

I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone (yeah)
I'm letting You lead me on
All my days (always and forever)
Never far (never leave me never)
Here I'll stay (ever love me ever)
Here's my heart
I'll always love You, love You (yeah)

New specs. New slippers.
Both black.

strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.
this time. striking the shepherd didn't work, so they went to strike the sheep instead.
EVIL!
don't think i'll let you off like this. i won't. the more you strike my sheep, the more i'll strike back.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

pastor simon eng's sharing also gave me lots of thoughts. caused me to realise quite some stuff i haven't been checking for some time:) hehe.

hehe. think youth 10th anniversary brought about a lot of thoughts in some of us:) jessie wrote out half of my thoughts. i'm not as eloquent, fluid, poetic, creative as her.. but i'll do my best to share my thoughts here:)
went with the rest of pple. similarly was apprehensive about whether to go or not.. 'cos it's like most of the pple you serve with are not in the same grp anymore.. in one sense, i went with the feelings of 'wow. maurise and kim are continually serving strong in their roles as Cls, loving people much more than i did in the past:) and huiqi is back in ne group:) and peixin and yokeling serving in poly group and not in youth anymore, as well as joycelyn serving God fervently in her area of expertise:)' everyone's doing quite well. sengkim, jas, jiali and gwen all in youth. hehe. had this feeling of being slightly lost.. and slightly nostalgic.
it's a ministry which i've had the chance to live my life in for a very short period of time. it's a ministry that saw me through my first convert, first sheep, first cg.. my ministry of 'first's :)
yup. saw very old birds today. haa. saw priscilla, but think she doesn't recognise me anymore. lol. saw yanyan (hahahahaha). saw jason (haven't seen him for a long time). saw timothy (! my first ever ministry leader in youth:). saw pple whom i meet up during birthdays. hohoho. the easta alumni pple o.O
think gwen's hug (first ever in my life) warmed me up quite a bit. hohoh.

-I just want to be
More like You
Walk with You beside me, Lord
Won't You be my guide
Place Your heart inside my soul
One that's ever true
A heart that's after you-

:)

-when i try to talk to you,
i feel like i'm not getting through to you
where did we go wrong
it's hard to be strong
when i talk to you-

mel-ing. and thinking of things i shldn't be thinking about. haha.
quite silly ah. like how you know there're paths you're not supposed to lead yourself down, but you still allow yourself to be led down because of feelings. and you know in the long term it's not beneficial to you because the same thing in the past has caused you to falter before.
like how David's foot slipped even as he allowed himself to be tempted.

-Is it fair to say I was lured away?
By endless distractions and lovelier attractions then
Or fairer still, my own free will
Is the better one to blame
For this familiar mess I've made again

So I would understand, if You were out of patience
And I would understand, if I was out of chances

Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new-

God. i wonder what You'll say to silly me now. haha.

exhausted. haha.

hehehe. no inspiration to write. the lines that come out of my hands feel too heavy or serious :S
ah. i don't know how parents feel towards their children :S
went on youtube to watch videos of enchanted :)
click here for one of my favourites. hehe. the one with lots of cockroaches XD

I feel
busier. than in the last 2 weeks of exams. hahaa.
last 2 weeks of exams i still have time to watch anime.
now i don't have time to watch anime at all. hahaha.

For those interested more in why guys should lead, you might want to refer to the whole lesson 26 (titled 'Ministry of Women') from Ecclesiology bible seminar (2003). keke.
It also address two misunderstandings about women's ministry arising from the scriptures.. 1 Timothy 2:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. hehe.
Personally, I'm half a feminist.. so I didn't really like the notion that guys should lead when I first became a Christ-follower. hehe. but i guess as I go along in life, I start to see the need in the guys rising up to take the lead. start to understand certain things more. and i think what wenjiang said was quite true. in the heart of hearts, the female gender do look to someone to depend on as well. not that being dependent is wrong or makes you weaker, the female can be strong and do things by herself and all.. it's just a nice feeling to have i suppose :)
complement :P
same equality, different functions.
and of course, as a church, we believe that both genders have the potential to lead. but yes brothers, do take the lead. rise up! answer the call!
:)
was watching 'enchanted' with (in alphabetical order) huanyan, jalea, johnson and yizhong (i'm quite diplomatic. hahaa). it's a. very. loveylovey kind of movie. i was telling calyn that it's those kind of make-you-feel-good-for-the-whole-movie-and-play -on-each-person's-innate-desire-for-someone-to-love-them kind of show.

shucks. i just found something which is not supposed to be my house anymore. church bulletin from 2 november 1997. under New members, welcome to our family! i saw two familiar names o.O

-Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, lift my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now-

hahaa. the above reminds me of what we did on monday! =] before my last exam! hahaa. i learned so much today :) i enjoyed the discussion on different things too.
heh.

-i see the heavens proclaiming You day after day
and i know in my heart that there must be a way-

it took many listens of this song for me to grasp a deeper meaning of what those two lines mean. and it's gonna take more listens for me to understand what a greater song mean.
tuesday was for sickness.
wednesday for to slack.
and thurs is to pick up my pace to do things again. had to start planning again le 'cos if i continue to put it off, it'll clash with the busy session. haha.
my body is still taking its time to recover.

I like to integrate pastoral ministry with team ministry.. that is to say, I don't believe in my people coming together on Saturdays just to do counter. As a counter ministry, we believe in praying beforehand (entrusting our work to God), sharing our lives in the pockets of free time we have, peer shepherding and learning from what we have done (the mistakes we make don't hold us down. It's what we learn from the mistakes that matter more. For example, I get very frustrated when youth has camp registration 'cos of the abundance in cash. But I see myself growing more in this aspect throughout all the different registrations. That's important. The growth). I thank God for the team leaders in counter. They're spiritually strong and equipped with skills for effective administering of service to the people.
The last line sounds very formal. haha.
So I'm glad when the integration of both sides go well. Think God really blessed the ministry by having people coming in to volunteer :) The challenge in the ministry is the lack of leaders and I pray that this lack will continue to propel people to rise up faster. I'm glad also when we sms each other, it's not purely just 'work' as well.
Hope to see the ministry continue to grow in strength and wisdom :) And our skills (:S)

And I'm glad you came back :) Thanks for speaking to me on the first service you came back:) I may be just smiling on the outside.. but on the inside, I'm jumping around and praising God.

I'm sick. hahaa. I have a cold. It's those kinda block your nose cause you to be able to breathe kind of cold. And because of the cold, I have a sore throat now. ouch.
Eatting chilli helped clear my nose a bit though. hohoho.

Baby stay away. Do the right thing.

'the heart wants what it wants' - darren hayes

Oooh, you make me wanna
Deny the world
Deny the man I wanna be
Deny the oxygen that moves inside of me

Deny my friends
Deny the sensibility

I have surrendered now
I only wonder how

Sparks fly when our worlds collide
And I am falling at your feet
Stars shine so much brighter
You make me wanna sit right by
And watch the world falling at your feet

'Falling at your feet' - Darren Hayes

A resurgence, on the edge of something wonderful

'On the verge of something wonderful' - Darren Hayes
---
hehehe. okay. enough indulgence.

Typing this at home, with my cat sleeping on my bag, which is on the purple long chair which i bought from courts sometime ago:)
Prayer meet just now was refreshing. Everyone had high expectations for God to move, and God dared to meet us at our expectations. We prayed. A lot. hahaa. We prophesied over each other (groups of 3.. with pple whom we don't know.. that we can truly ask God for a word for the person. I grouped with Dawn.. not very familiar with her. hehe. and Abigail from youth.. don't know who she was at first:D) Touched when Dawn prayed my heart's prayer out. Touched and amazed when God showed me words to pray for these two sisters. Amazed when something checked with Abigail was confirmed by her.
I went there feeling slightly tired. Have been sleeping throughout the day.. Didn't really know why I was so tired either. hahaa. Yup. but I was really refreshed after the whole prayer meet. God convicted me and empowered me once again. Propelled me towards what has to be done.
hehehe. just killed a mosquito. I haven't seen mosquitoes in my room for a year or so. hohoho. It came to greet me on the night that i'm home to sleep. so friendly :)

Saw this.

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - How much children focus on having the latest gadgets and designer gear may have more to do with their self-esteem than peer pressure, targeted marketing or bad parenting, researchers said.

In two studies reported in the Journal of Consumer Research, they found that materialism spikes in early adolescence and declines by the end of high school, mirroring the years children are most prone to teen angst.

Between the ages of 12 and 13 children try to compensate for low self-esteem through material goods that they think will make themselves feel better, or that they think will raise their status among their peers.

"While peers and marketing can certainly influence teens, materialism is directly connected to self-esteem," said Professor Deborah Roedder John of the University of Minnesota,

"As parents, if we understand that, it helps us cope with the frustrating experience of having a 12, 13 or 14 year-old who is always asking us to buy them expensive clothes, and expensive computer equipment," she added in a media interview.

John and co-researcher Lan Nguyen Chaplin also showed that giving children positive signals from their peers can boost their self-esteem and lower levels of materialism.

They brought the children together in a summer camp setting and asked them to write down positive adjectives about their peers, such as "smart" or "fun". When the 12 and 13 year-olds read the pleasing descriptions of themselves, it drastically reduced the high levels of materialism.

John and Chaplin measured self-esteem by asking the children to rank to what extent they felt phrases such as "I feel good about myself", or "I'm just as good as anyone else" applied to them.

To find out how materialistic a child was, the researchers asked them to make up a collage to answer the question "What makes me happy."

The children that chose more material goods such as money or brand names over sentiments such as being with friends or no homework were seen as having higher levels of materialism.

I'm sometimes critical.
Not all the time. Most of the time I give people lots of benefits of the doubts. Most of the time I give myself the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I indulge a little in allowing myself to be slightly more lazy, slightly more ill-disciplined, slightly more slackish, slightly more...
There are other times when my half-perfectionist slightly critical attitude grab the whole of me and question. Questioning about the standard of the work I do. Questioning about the right-ness of the state of my heart. Questioning about the standard towards God or people that some people give.
Critical towards others. Critical towards self.
Pray that this critical attitude will propel me towards much action.

I took a walk from engine classroom to the psychology department just now, so as to hand in my rp forms. My thoughts and the wind was my company.
In my heart, I am a biology student. In terms of competence, I'm a language student. I pick up languages easily. When we talk about interest, I'm a psychology student. I love to study the behaviour of people. especially deviant people. no. i don't like to study all deviant people. i'm particularly interested in disorders. I don't like to study about anti-social-ness.
And on my I walked. With the wind that accompanies. I thought of how true it is that the higher you go, the wind blows all the harder. In terms of education level, societal strata.. the opposition that comes at you comes all the harder. The contradictions of the world blows all the more. At first it's a comfortable opposition.. but as the strength increases, it becomes cold, biting and uninviting. And then you start to wonder why you're up there in the first place. Though upon further thought, you start to think that it's not such a bad thing. You get comfortable with the extra space, you start to get used to the intensity of the wind.. you start to feel comfortable with the foresight that you're given to critically evaluate things around you. Though sometimes you miss the hustle and the cosiness of being with everyone down below, you start to understand that it's a privilege to be away from it.
You know that you can pretend that what was down below satisfies you.. you can cover it up. but gradually, you see that it doesn't satisfy you. It's not enough to satisfy you.. because that is not what God has created you to do. God has created you for greatness, and you settle for the measly. God has created you to be an eagle.. you'll never be satisfied being a chicken.

Wanted to go home after praying for melody.. to take my pink rp forms and the notebook in which i've drawn the adolescent overview mindmap in.
then...
this morning upon further checking ard my belongings, i found the rp form.
and...my pens dropped at the side, which enabled me to discover my ex-japanese studies notebook (which has my adolescent overview mindmap inside..)
which means..
thank God! i don't have to travel home and come back.
hahaha

Brought the clothes but forgot to bring what was most important - contact lens case.
Brought adolescent psy textbook, checked mail for script, replied mail about pilot testing, and forgot what was most urgent to be brought to school - my rp participants form. ah.
i see benaiah with food. hahaa.

yawning away here:) but relatively excited about tmr's trauma psy exam.. don't think i'm mad.. but trauma exam (despite the literal and figurative 'heaviness' of the contents) is one exam that i have been looking forward to. i guess disorders and these kinda things interest me. hohoho.
looking forward to tomorrow because it signifies the start of four days which i can take to slowly study and digest my adolescent notes!:) hahaa. and the textbook:) having fun material (e.g. trauma psy) to study ain't exactly very fun if you don't get the chance to slowly digest it. haha.
on another note.
i'm not gay. but i still love darren hayes' music. hahaa =)
ooh. it's 1am.

Thought this was quite interesting :)

"Be sure your sins will find you out."

The story is told of a young actor who was trying to impress an important movie director. The actor wanted to send an expensive gift, but he didn't have the money, but he had an idea. If he could find a valuable vase which was already broken and get it at a very small cost, then he could mail it to the director. He would think it had gotten broken in the mail and would be impressed anyway.

So this actor went to an exclusive store and found a vase that had been broken into many pieces. It was just going to be thrown out, so he was able to get it at a very small cost. He told them to wrap it up and send it and gave them the address. He waited to hear from the director, but heard nothing for several days. Finally he sent a telegram: "Did vase arrive?" Shortly he received this response: "Vase arrived. But why was each piece wrapped separately?"2

As Abraham Lincoln said, "You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time."

But with God we can never fool him any of the time. "Be sure your sins will find you out"—mine too!

I miss you greatly.
I miss your greeting when I come back.
I miss seeing the shape of you.
I miss your presence.
I miss sitting beside you, enjoying your silent company.
I miss watching you eat, watching you drink, watching you sit there in great patience looking at what's around you.
I miss your touch.
I miss the softness of you.
I miss trying to figure out what you need and what you want.
I miss you jumping onto my bed and trying to squeeze in beside me.
I miss carrying you out of my room when you try to scratch my bags.
I miss stroking your head and just sitting in the living room contemplating about things that happen.

Heh.

never knew there were such things as social escorts in singapore. think i'm pretty slow in this:S got quite stunned when i searched for the website and looked under the description for the girls.. it's like high class prostitution.. legalized :S
so scary. and most of them are undergraduates or graduates. o.O

i think it's important for us to guard our hearts, especially during exam time :) hahaha.

the song 'hosanna' has been on my mind for a while now. decided to go and look for the lyrics online, stumbled unto the youtube video for it as well. so went to take a look at it.
listening to the song, i really wanted to lift my hands up and worship him here. lots of things just went through my mind. hosanna means 'save now'. it could be because of the videos on rape and trauma victims which i have been watching for these two days, in part to study for my trauma exam.. or it could be because i met hf in the afternoon and shared what i was convicted about, or it could be because it's exam time.. but the song touched me in a new way today. so did the chapter on philippians 4.
-break my heart for what breaks yours
everything i am for Your kingdom's cause
as i walk from earth unto eternity-

and i do see a generation, rising up to take their place.. in selfless faith.
in selfless faith.

Haven't had a chance to blog about my irp report:)
Think it's been the focus of my entries for the past 2 weeks or so as the report is being written up.
It's been a love-hate relationship with it. At first I loved it. I enjoyed during up the test, enjoyed booking labs and liasing with people (though it's a little troublesome..), enjoyed learning new things, enjoyed meeting the participants and testing them, enjoyed the little hectic times of going for experiment in the morning and classes in the afternoon.
And then the writing of the report starts. There was frustration (in trying to remember how to write the report), denial (that there's a report to be written), irritation (when you try to write the report but nothing comes out), gratefulness (when dr tan gives direction, when other people encourage you), helplessness (when you wonder what to do with your data and what tests to use), strong disdain (when your report drags for a long time and you start to wonder why you're spending so much time doing it instead of studying for your exams.. the report is 70% of the module, microbes exam was also 70% of the module.. lol) and loneliness (when everyone else is studying for their exams and you're STILL doing your report.. ).
i thought i would be relieved when it's over, or happy, or glad, or sad. some explosive emotion which will manifest itself in exaggerated speech and action. but at the end of it all, it just came with a silent acknowledgement. 'oh, it's over. i've finished it'.
and at that moment, i wish that i can do my own experiment again, go through the whole experience again.. incorporating the many things which i've learned along the way.
hope that i can have the chance to do it again in year 4. i'm going to do literature review and formulate the topic through the sem next year (for interest's sake) and hopefully i can go on to do ism under dr tan again in year 4. yup:)

the tale of genji is quite addictive. hahaa. first novel in the world!
u can read it here.

I am joyful that I can claim the fact that God is my banner!
claiming the character of God. that He is my victor. He is my victory. He has conquered and brings me to conquer.
I am more than a conqueror through Christ.
I refuse to let my stupid IRP report conquer me.
I refuse to be defeated by the report.
I refuse to let my inadequacies and lack of knowledge in this area deter me from writing the report and finishing the report with joy and strength from God.
I refuse to let the circumstances bring me down and cause me to be all down and out.
I REFUSE TO LET GO OF THE CHARACTER OF GOD. THE FACT THAT HE IS MY VICTOR. THE FACT THAT HE HAS OVERCOME ALL. AND because of this, I CAN OVERCOME ALL THINGS AS WELL.
amen!

exams got no kick ah. maybe that's why God sent over a report to test me. hahaha. 'cos exams got no kick. hahaa.
yup.
the whole exam period is now more like a battlefield to me. exciting. haha. I can be physically tired from lack of sleep, mentally tired from churning out a lot of things, emotionally tired from not seeing my efforts for irp being reflected on paper.
BUT
I REFUSE TO LET GO OF GOD'S PROMISE IN THIS. That He who has overcome the world is greater than He who is in the world.
I refuse to be spiritually tired. I refuse to let go of the strength of God which empowers me to do things beyond my natural limit.

what flavor pocky are you?

[c] sugardew

You Are Flan Pocky

Your attitude: modern and offbeat East meets west... sweet meets salty. You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

All being said. I think the anime is nc16. hahaa

I was watching the second season of Genshiken.. episode 5. Was reading from the comments that they've turned this episode of Genshiken into a shonen-ai/yaoi one. and I was contemplating if i should continue to watch it.
the start was fine.. until oguie-san kept fantasizing about the guys around her and bringing into funny relationships. haha. in a sense, it's funny when you compare it to the original innocent characters who probably have no idea of what's going on in her head. in another sense, it causes me to shiver because it's quite suggestive.
hohoho.
genshiken's about the otaku culture in japan btw. should have expected yaoi/yuri to appear sooner or later.

Scriptwriting is causing me to be mel. hahaa.
and i'm still sick.
and tired.
hahaa. not sick and tired of something.
just sick.
and tired.

灰色空间

原来不是白就是黑 只不过是天真的以为
要醉得清醒 要无辜的犯罪 现实的世界只有灰
坚强得太久好疲惫 想抱爱的人沉沉的睡
卷来的风暴 凶猛里有种美 死了心 痛就没有感觉
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 妳是谁 怎么为我流泪
梦见发着光的草原 一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨 带着平静走远 醒来后 夜还是长夜
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无跟可退 妳是谁 怎么为我流泪 紧抱着我流泪

sneezing away. haha.

-and with the heavens we declare
You are our King-

heh. when you have a lack of sleep, your linguistic abilities follow your sense of hearing down the drain. My ears started to buzz around 5+ in the morning, alongside with numbing of some of the fingers. Surprisingly, I got pretty alert around then too. Alert enough to figure out what the webpage about the Mann Whitney test was talking about and to joke around with isobel. hahaa.
Woke up at 8.50am because of my alarm, partly also 'cos of the cold. I feel relatively awake, despite the amount of sleep that I've had for the previous three nights. Yet I can't help having the notion at the back of my mind that something within my brain has gone through a compromise in exchange for the lack of sleep. Or perhaps it's my health.
I don't think I've had such another episode of such sleep deficit since Alpha camp days. haha.

tracy wacy has posted up a bumper sticker of mark wahlberg in my facebook. haha. i still have the card cum poster from sec 3:P HIDDEN in my drawer =) hahaa.

Do you know the fuzzy wuzzy game?

Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to be silly, but doesn't like to be serious.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to sleep, but doesn't like to be awake.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to see people suffer, but doesn't like it when people enjoy themselves.
Fuzzy Wuzzy is not sadistic and doesn't like to torture people.. but he likes to kill people for fun.
Fuzzy Wuzzy is not crazy, not mad, just slightly off in his brain connections.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes the umbrella, but doesn't like the rain. He doesn't like the sun either.. Nor does he like a cloudy day.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to go swimming, likes to go running, but doesn't like skating or kayaking.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes Frozz, but doesn't like Clorets.
Fuzzy Wuzzy doesn't like Weiling. Doesn't like me. Doesn't like Jan. Doesn't like Guanrui. Likes Michelle. Likes Swee Leong. Likes Tjeekai.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes noodles, but doesn't like donuts. Likes vanilla, but doesn't like chocolate. He likes strawberry too :)
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes the module Language and Cognitive Processes and Issues for development, but doesn't like Developmental Psychology, Cognitive Psychology, Introduction to Trauma Psychology and lots more other modules available.

Have you figured out what Fuzzy Wuzzy likes?

-Jesus conquered the grave
Saviour He can move the mountains
my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave-

I'm in the exam classroom with three mad people. hahaha.
and ghost hound as an anime is pretty inaccurate in portraying clinical psychologists O.o

I'm thinking of:
1) Sleep
2) Cutting my hair
3) Changing my specs
4) How egocentric blogs are
5) Bathing
6) IRP
7) Waraku
8) Brushing my teeth
9) Scriptwriting
10) TGIF
11) Contact list for counter
12) Presentation next tuesday.
---
Be strong!
We are not here to play,
to dream, to drift;
We have hard work to do
and loads to lift
Shun not the struggle-
face it; 'tis God's gift.

Be strong!
It matters not how deep
intrenched the wrong,
How hard the battle goes,
the day how long;
Faint not -- fight on!
Tomorrow comes the song.

-Be strong!
Maltbie Davenport Babcock

hmmmmm. my brain is well rested after two days of hibernation and hide-and-seek with the irp report. hahaa. i don't know why it's causing me so much trouble :P usually i finish reports within 5 hours - 1 week. hohoho. this one took me more than 3 weeks O.o
i've got lots of thoughts. hahaa. had lots of thoughts in the afternoon.. but they've all nicely evaporated into the air :)
just like how ethanol can vaporize very easily.
where's cafe iguana? hahaa. yizhong! this is a reminder to you to help me find out where merchant road is :) thanks =] hahaa. ian was saying that they sell tequilas and margaritas and i was like thinking about how i've never tried tequila or tequila based drinks before O.o i'm usually stuck with vodka. hohoho.
hmmm.
i was thinking about age and maturity in general. like how maturity doesn't come with age, and age doesn't signify your maturity.. though we'll expect an older person to be more mature and all. And i was thinking about how troublesome social rules are.. and how they are certain kinds of people you'll like to know more about, but probably can't 'cos of a different life station, or different age (okay.. maybe not so much of age).. more of life stations i suppose. and this is especially troublesome if it's a person who's not in church. hahahaa. i mean, in Hope we have the mutual understanding that we can always learn from everyone.. like everyone's part of the family, so regardless of the age group or life station you belong to, all of us have the same heartbeat and it's this heartbeat that brings people together.. despite all the differences. but if the person's not in your peer group, it's kinda much harder.. 'cos gotta go through all the social rules and whatnots. it frustrates me sometimes 'cos i like to know people. not just know.. but know, as in, to know them deeper, to know how they feel about certain things. well.

hehe. fatigue is setting in. I think I've had increased cortisol level for a few days now.. so when it suddenly drop in level, the decrease in the coversion of glycogen to glucose results in slight fatigue. my body is telling me to rest.
hehe. i didn't hand up my irp in the end. I thought I've got everything I need to finish up the report.. then I realised that I don't know how to classify my dear participants into their various L1 or L2.. rather, there's not really a way to just classify them like this.. I can go by their home language I suppose.. not very sure. Asking Dr Tan soon..
hehehe. and Dr Tan very nicely extended my draft dateline till next Monday.. I was quite exhilerated when I saw the email just now at HQ :) hahaa. but then I realised that I've got TONS to do in these few days as well.. so it won't make much of a difference:) but really thank God for Dr Tan. hahaa. when i received the email, i wanted to reply with..
AHHHHHHHHH! THANK YOU! sniff sniff.
and I was happily exclaiming 'Dr Tan I love you! wahaha.'
but. as I think she'll probably freak out if I reply with such a response.. so I decided not to :)
anyway, point is. she's one of the nicest lecturers i've ever encountered before:) very similar to miss christine lee. hehehe. both lecturers are competent in their areas of interest as well=]
i've met very nice lecturers this semester:) nice TAs too. hahaa. like my adolescent psy TA - lee li neng.. he's always prepared with a proper lesson plan.. and can tell he makes the effort to prepare by the slides he's made, as well as the youtube videos he show us.. haha. this is the first time i've seen youtube videos in tutorial classes. haha.
my microbes lecturer as well:) he's super amusing. and super non-condemning.
i think nice lecturers motivate you to study better, ya? It's like an extra external motivation:)
for me, i like the process of doing things, or learning things much better than the end results. but having nice lecturers make striving for the end results a tad easier and more enjoyable:)
and...
thanks to isobel as well:) she really encouraged me greatly in 2 aspects - 1) when i realise that I'm not the only one who hasn't finished my report.. and she told me that there's possibility of asking for extension and 2) when she sent me messages to encourage me:) the correspondence of smses and msn chats encouraged me greatly 'cos here's someone who's going through something similar with me. we're fighting together!:)

i was just joking with joyce that if they don't want to accept my late submission for irp.. then i'll just fail the module happily. then i'll get all As for next sem and offset this balance 'cos i'm taking cognitive psy and japanese next sem. hahaha.
then joyce says 'ehh..' she don't know what she says. hahahaha.
i'll rather have tests (like calyn) than have a st

My mum used to play the violin. until her violin perished.. in the same fire that took away their house.

this is amusing to say.. but there's this one soul who has been going through my archives :)
ah.
how inadequate my knowledge of the things that matter to me.

macabre dance of a solitary death - the world will never understand.
this phrase keeps coming back to me after i watched the child abuse video:) hahaa. the second part of the phrase.. the world will never understand.
the macabre dance of a solitary death is meant to symbolize a gruesome suicide btw:P
looking forward to tomorrow:) hahaa.
i think i was stressing myself out happily over the irp. then i realised that i didn't have to. lol. yes, i would have liked to do a dozen different analysis.. and actually a lot more can be covered.. but since i dun have the time, nor the knowledge and experience, i shall leave it as such :) yup. still got tons to go though. hahaa.
yup.
exciting exciting exciting. i really can't wait for exams... the nostalgic smell (haha) of the engine hallways.. the days when i can study and do things at my own pace. yay. exams are usually the free-est time of the year for me:) hahaa.
i'm definitely taking japanese lang 1 next sem, anyone wanna take with me?:) in saying so, i'm forfeiting my english studies minor. hehe. awww. and taking cognitive psychology. i've waited 1 whole year for winston goh. hope he's teaching next sem.. or else i will really faint. hahaa.

Isn't it ironic how your productivity goes down if you're too stressed? Ironic 'cos when you're very stressed, it's usually 'cos you need to complete something fast or need to do something excellently.. and that's when you'll need your productivity to go up instead of it going down.
vicious cycle ah? need to finish work by a certain dateline --> inability to concentrate+low productive levels+ avoidance symptoms --> greater need to finish work by a certain dateline --> more behavioural and emotional manifestations of stress --> so on and so forth.
it spirals down and down and down instead of lifting you out of the situation :)

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

ho? not bad wor. i'll prefer it when other people give me datelines, yet i'm still flexible within my datelines. ha ha ha ha ha.
so vague though. ha ha ha ha ha.

i'm singing a song of insanity
won't you come and sing with me?
dada dadada da da da
dadada dada da da da

when i go mad, i will sing sing sing
when things go bad, i will sing sing sing

my stats are driving me down a path
a path of no return
my stats are singing victory
as i go into delirium

coffee, tea, chips and me
(coffee, tea, chips and me)
won't you sing this song with me?
(won't you sing this song with me?)

row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily merrily
merrily merrily merrily merrily
merrily merrily merrilyyyy merri..
...
and then. they'll see a waterfall
and
...
life is a such a scream :D yay!
-
be a man. do the right thing.
be a (woahhhhh)man, do the right thing.
-
haiku!
spss is
red, gray, boxy, troublesome
gives me a headache.

irp is so
fun, taxing, individual
ah. forget 'bout it.

i really can't wait for tuesday to come. because that's when i have to hand in my irp report, which is last assignment of the whole entire sem for me.. the assignment that i find is the hardest and most troublesome to do. hoho hoho. but it got me to appreciate so many things so much more.
i'll give another verdict on it another day. when i'm not buried by the thoughts of having to do the report, and the impending doom that awaits me if i don't go back to it soon :)
ohoh. but that doesn't discount the fact that my supervisor is very nice. so is steph who helped at the start to iron out funny things. hehehe.
i need to continue to grow in pro-activeness. or else i will kill myself at the end of the day :)
i just hope i dun get killed after this :) hahaa.
report. hand up. then it's back to plain old exams. literally. plain. and old.
thank God for the ginseng tea i found in the kitchen. thank God for my dad who helped me buy coffee and chips when i thought he wasn't going to. hahaa. thank God for my understanding sheep:) and my interesting cg members. hahaa.
thank God for Dr Why who intro-ed the stats textbook in his module. i think if i dun have it with me now.. i will really will myself into comatose. hahaa.
can i take my brains out and cool them in the fridge before putting them back? my eyes as well?
hahaa.

listen here! to the song of a mad man.
harken! he sings of your destiny.
hasten away! for his song will and can
beckon!

i can't think of the last line.
haha.

Jigoku shoujo futakomori episode 11 talks about 2 misconceptions of food feeding towards cats!:) hahaha.
finally! an anime that depicts that feeding milk to cats is bad for them =)

I finished my last presentation today :) Microbes presentation. Had trauma presentation and adolescent test on wed. Had language presentation last wed.
I liked my microbes presentation:) hehehe. I think it went well:) Thanks to the audience who was supportive. hahaa.
Had been feeling rather drained in the past week or so. My prayer for renewal and strength and help has remained with me in the past week. I'll wake up in the morning (e.g. this morning), hoping that i have more time to sleep, hoping that i don't have to go for presentation rehearsal:) hahaa. i woke up on thurs morning wondering why i didn't just stay at home to study. hahaha.
but i'm always blessed after i make the decision to get up and go (sometimes with little resistance, sometimes only after many times of succumbing back to the bed). studied together with jalea and yizhong yesterday:) i thought it felt kinda like an outing as well. hahaha. doing work at starbucks was quite good too:) haha. and today's presentation rehearsal was enjoyable:)
i think i really thank God for my project group members this sem.. i either have a major project, or have to present about a journal at every tutorial for three out of four of my modules.. so project work was really a significant component in my modules this semester. hahaa. my project group members may not be the most choleric and hardworking people.. haha. but they're relatively consistent and helpful.. and easy going:) and we get the thing done in the end, enjoying the process we go through as well. i enjoyed it anyway :)
hehe.
got two emails from psych undergrad enquiries about two internship opportunities.. one at mediacorp and one at singapore pools. hahaa. i was particularly interested in the one under the department of tv mobile. haha. job scope includes:
1) Project Based Production / Programming / Promotions jobs

2) Reviewing of New Programs

3) Television Management

interesting ya?
but the hours are from 9-6.30pm. faint. hahaha.

-nobody knows
how weak I am
better than You..
and nobody sees
all of my needs
better than You
and nobody has the power to change to me
to be what I was born to be
Jesus be strong, in my weakness
empower me-

Sent a message to Dr Tan 'cos I can't complete my draft and I asked if I can send her a draft of the full paper by next Monday instead ('cos wed got presentation and test and friday comes another presentation..).
Hope she doesn't kill me. And hope she doesn't think that I'm taking her niceness for granted:S
ah. if i do an irp again, or ism.. I think i'll need to really start everything earlier!
i feel quite motivated to continue on with my irp. brain is moving once again as well:) Shall do as much as I can as long as I'm awake!
it's not a good feeling to ask for extension and definitely not a good feeling to be unable to complete something on time. hohoho.
but it's what i learn from it that matters more:) and what i do after learning from the experience. yes. so i will learn to start things earlier (especially for research stuff), as well as to learn to appreciate people who're doing research or writing papers(and their supervisors who supervise them).

And i can't rest my mind. hohoho.
drank 1/3 of the macs coffee (no sugar, no milk) just now and my brain refuses to shut down even as it's blankig (blanking) out. it keeps thinking about the introduction, the methodology and discussion (O.o). i can't seem to write the discussion without writing .. ahh. i can't seem to write about the introuduction (introduction) witout (wh-X without) writing about the discussion too.

My brain is officially fried. I don't think I've fried it so nicely before. hahaha.
I can't even type sentences properly. have to make the effort to look through my orthographic output lexicon to find words to put in a proper statement. my brain processes have slowed down so much i can feel orthographic output buffer working... trying hard to retain the chosen words in memory so as to arrange them O.o
I'm yawning, but I don't feel the fatigue (brain is struggling with the need to place the letters in the right position too.. keep spelling words wrongly.. or forgetting to add in 's'..). my head feels black. no. my head feels p. no.. my head feels blak. no. my head feels blank. maybe i shld analayse. no. aa. no. analyse. my own resul. no. my own mistakes in typig. no. typng. no typing one day when i'm free an . no. and awake. and alett. no. alert.
shucs. no. shucks. i think i shld take a nap (but i'm fewarful tt i.. no i'm scared/ worried tt i won't be abl to wake up in i. no. in time to inish. no. finish thedraft up.

i nearly fainted when i went to recheck my recordings for irp and found almost all the files empty. then i restarted the comp. and it remained empty O.o
then i went to check the recycle bin and found them all there. hahaa. deleted them during the preparation for tgif, thinking that they were sound files from the kindergarten testings:S

do you know that if you let your thoughts run and just write it all down or type it once a day or so.. you'll actually be able to think faster and connect your dots better as well?
that's what i read in 250 tips for speakers in this pdf book by some eric guy who's supposed to be able to speak really well. he has a website as well.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"
- Isaiah 40:31

holding on to this verse. Feeling a little sian diao because of irp report.. wanted to start on it on friday but i realised that all of a sudden, i am partially clueless as to what i really want to find and what's so important about my results. hurhur. maybe it'll help to shed some more light into the nature of bilingualism? or to help in supporting some cognitive model about language? i have no idea. i have some notions about running away, some notions about giving up, some notions about just failing this module and giving up honours all together.
"even youths grow tired and weary"
a weary heart and mind, which in turn produces a weary body:)
"but those who hope in the Lord"
hoping in the Lord. trusting in His providence. trusting that His strength is sufficient for me. learning to lean on Him for what i lack. praying to Him for wisdom. praying for Him to give me joy in doing the task. praying for Him to help me see a bigger picture of what my research entails. hoping in the Lord.
hoping in the Lord helps you to look upwards. it's so true that when you look at the circumstances around you, you'll be easily swallowed up by it. so true that when you want to do a good report because of the grades or because of your nice supervisor, you'll be easily stressed out to an unhealthy degree.
"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men" Eph 6:7.
but when i turn the perspective and remember that i'm doing the irp so that i can honour God even in my studies, i feel lighter. just do my best, let God do the rest.
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength"
renew. in the old testament, the Hebrew word for it was 'chalaph'. sprouting out.
something new from what was not there before.
help me to soar on wings like eagles.. who lean on the currents on the wind to bring them higher and higher.
-----
everyone have their own strengths and weaknesses. i have my own as well. and in my weakness, i thank God for the availability of His strength.

watashi wa honto nemui desu.
je suis (sleepy). hahaa. i dunno what sleepy in french is.