Distant dreamer - Duffy

Although you think I cope
My head is filled with hope of some place other than here
Although you think I smile
Inside and all the while I'm wondering about my destiny

I'm thinking about all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

Even when you see me frown my heart won't let me down
Because I know there's better things to come, woah yeah
And when life gets tough and I feel I've had enough
I hold on to a distant star

I'm thinking about, all the things
I'd like to do in my life
I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today

I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a dreamer

I'm a dreamer, a distant dreamer
Dreaming far away from today
Yeah, I'm a dreamer
I'm a dreamer

a person's pupils can dilate for 2 reasons:

love

and

fear

I've just finished reading Neil Gaiman's 'The Doll's house' (volume 2 of the Sandman series). hee.
I find it more disturbing than the first book :\
And more intricately weaved together.
There were a few layers of plots going on concurrently in this story. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the books to find out what's going to happen! and to find some answers to questions I have upon reading this volume.
I find the serial killers' convention especially disturbing O.o

i thought to myself.
will i be able to counsel a rape victim?
and i realized that
i have the basic skills
i have the specialized knowledge in griefing and in basic traumatic reactions.
i can possibly hold the client in the counselling session.
so what am i scared of?
more of the implementation of the therapy i guess :\
i need sharpening of my skills!

there's a part in me that's haunted by the image of the night forest in Avatar.
someday His created will run free in His creation. and He will be with them, tangibly, face to face.
i wonder if Jesus felt severely homesick when He came down on earth...
some music from the movie :)

who in the world decided that black and blue are formal colours?
why can't brown or maroon be used on official documents?
why does the world value the business world?
i like the informal.
i enjoy the in-between warm colours.
and i love the social service sector :)

Have finished 'Flight vol.1' and 'Auralia's colours' :)
Still reading 'Drawing Near'.
i have too many things in my room!

it's interesting how my body has two time clocks.
the wake up at 7+ am time clock (a.k.a work schedule clock), and the wake up at 12pm (a.k.a holiday clock). hahaha.

good morning world! :D

and she asked me.
and i have no answer to give.

:(

oh wells.

---------------

God made males and females differently :)
society socialized males and females differently too :)
hahaa.
and the difference was seen today when we all interacted with Jan's nephew. LOL.
it's interesting :)
i'm glad He made us different though :)

OOOO
i can't wait for the mass dance!! :D

Watching Kimi ni todoke episode 12.
it's quite scary how some females can be so manipulative O.O
my goodness.

i've finished Preludes and Nocturnes by Neil Gaiman :D
i like the story and the lines. cleverly written.
hahaaa
but the back part really quite r-rated >_< very violent and disturbing graphics (cannot read this book after heavy counselling. LOL. it's like having final destination 2 compressed within a few pages :\)
moving on to Flight vol.1 ...

it's gonna be my first time singing in a choir! hahaha
i'm so excited!
amusingly, i'm singing in the tenor section. LOL.

black and gold.
a class of its own.

Smoke without fire by Duffy from the 'An Education' soundtrack!

Another song from Duffy!

i know i'm slow
but oh man
i love the voice of Duffy
hahaha!

---------------
and i really wish people will stop asking me why work starts so early -.-
work starts early 'cos sch doesn't just open when sch reopens for students :P
teachers and allied educators need to PLAN and PREPARE for the YEAR AHEAD.
and pack up rooms.
=.=

...
and we were surprised to hear that he knows about her situation.
and upon enquiry, realized that he called her upon realizing that her msg looked odd, even when she said she was okay.
and she shared about her situation.

'he knows how i'm like', says she.

and even though they're of different genders, it was out of pure friendship love and concern that he called. nothing more. nothing less.

and i thought to myself
'ah. that is friendship.
that one knows another.'
...

so she boiled some hot water,
determined to melt the frozen heart that's hanging by the window sill.
and she poured water over it
once
twice
three times
and saw that the ice around the heart has melted
and carefully
she took down the now warm
and slightly pulsing heart
and put it by the fireplace
determined to keep it warm.
then she thought of a better idea
walking across the road
she knocked on her Neighbour's door
and asked if she could hang her heart
next to the neighbour's.
that her heart would forever be warm and toasty
next to the heart of a fellow friend.

...

朋友之间的默契
不需要一点言语
你会知道我
我会明白你
是最值得珍惜

and i took out my heart
and hung it by the window
and watch it freeze
as winter sets in

and i sit by the window sill
and continue to wait for spring

and

realized that spring is everywhere
except for at the spot
by my window sill.

"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
Philippians 4:8 NIV

you desire for what you feed on

that's one thing i caught from reading a few pages of 'drawing near' by john bevere. you desire on what you feed on.
the more you feed on something, in the future, you'd more naturally desire for it.
if i'm always eating ice cream as a comfort food, i'd desire more of it.
if i'm always feeding on the Word of God as my comfort food, i'd desire for more of it when the time comes when i'm upset and distressed.
increase your spiritual appetite for the intimacy of God and His Word by not filling that appetite up with just the intimacy of people and other sources of comfort :)

haha. easy to say.

today God reminded me that
love is not selfseeking

today i had a conversation with God on the cab ride back. it went somewhere along these lines

"God, i'm a human being. my languages of love are physical touch and quality time. and it's kinda hard to have my needs of love met when my caregroup currently consists mostly of brothers. i need human company when i'm lonely."

you can meet your needs in me

"but i can't physically touch you.."

are you subtly holding on to the belief that i cannot meet all your needs?

"okay God. i repent of that belief. i acknowledge that i may have felt that way and have held that belief. but with regards to the love language of physical touch..."

your language of love is the way your soul finds satisfaction and fulfillment in. spend time with me intimately, and your soul will find its fulfillment in me, and your need will be met. have you not experienced times when My presence is so tangible to you that you can even 'physically' touch it? could you not understand that i can fulfill that need of yours from the inside out? nourish your soul through dwelling deeply in My presence.

i dunno if i'm slow. or if i was just stubborn.
but that's a new revelation to me.
not a very pleasant night,
but a rather enlightening one :)

'Is it painful to be the one who waits,
or is it more painful to be the one who makes others wait?'
- Osamu Dazai

:)

i dun like structured fixed oppressive systems
which clamp u up and box u in and dictate tt u have to do certain things.
i also dun like having no boundaries and no leadership and guidance.
so wiffy waffy.

thank God Christianity's not like that.
it's not a list of 'do's and 'don't's
thank God for the freedom in Him :)
freedom within boundaries is true freedom indeed :)

There must surely be some way to work from home!

oooooo
i just remembered that i've yet to get my laptop fixed!
LOL

Something I read in "Jesus I never knew"

"God crucified formed a bridge between our human perception of a cruelly imperfect and indifferent world and our human need for God, our human sense that God is present."

"what the disciples experienced in small scale - three days, in grief over one man who had died on a cross - we now live through on cosmic scale. Human history grinds on, between the time of promise and fulfillment."

knowing the beauty of the world to be, is it any wonder that i dearly long to be with my Lord? :)

finished 'boy meets girl'
moving on to 'drawing near' :)

I finished 'the Jesus I never knew'! (finally O_O)
hahaha :)
went to BLESS bookstore again today to get 'boy meets girl' and 'drawing near'!
my original intention was to get 'how to keep your inner mess from trashing your outer world', but found that it was not very helpful. hahaha :)
saw christian graphic novels and thought of justin and serene! :) hahaa. looks like comics? o_O
reminds me of manga. i kinda miss xxxholic manga :)
-------------

witnessing a fight brought out a fight or flight response in me.
and i realized i was still tense even after getting off the bus.
and i started to wonder if i could really stop a fight if my students get involved in one.
maybe i should learn how to prevent/stop fights.

xinying decides that the thinking mode has been on for too long.
she will now be decisive and do things.

and after expression, the madness ends.
maybe i should pick up painting :)

restless.

and it's starting to feel like a replay of last year's december season.
with different interesting circumstances.

This was typed into my handphone on 13th december (12:12am):

The unpredictability of life throws me offguard at times. An unexpected email, or a shocking sms. Things in life don't necessarily flow in a linear manner. Things in life don't naturally follow certain social expectations we have.
Some of these things merely surprise me. Some shock me. Some cause me to be disillusioned. And there're yet some that cause me to feel bitter towards the people involved.
I guess at the end of the day, what i carry away from all these things, is a keen awareness that there're many things beyond our control, and that human beings can fail us.
I'm not being disillusioned now (though i may have been for a while).
I carry the hope and gladness, to know that my God's character is unchanging; that His love is unwavering; that His promises hold true, and that He carries me with everlasting arms.

You know you have a cold when the air smells fresh to you...


even when you're standing beside a rubbish chute.

my mum says that i'm getting more and more forgetful.
lol
she asks if i'm too stressed.
hahahahaha
so funny.
i dun think so leh O.o
but i do agree
my memory's failing >_<

oh God
the torture of not being able to wash my hair!
but yar.
can see the effect of water on my hair :X
yesterday i let the tips of my hair touch water
and today
the texture is DIFFERENT
oh man
LOL

bringing Christ to my home
bit by bit :)

There're times when i wonder if i should give Chi away.
since i'm allergic to Chi.
lol.
but i like Chi! :(

--------------------------------------------------
Psychological causes of depression in women

* Coping mechanisms - Women are more likely to ruminate when they are depressed. This includes crying to relieve emotional tension, trying to figure out why you’re depressed, and talking to your friends about your depression. However, rumination has been found to maintain depression and even make it worse. Men, on the other hand, tend to distract themselves when they are depressed. Unlike rumination, distraction can reduce depression.
* Stress response - According to Psychology Today, women are more likely than men to develop depression under lower levels of stress. Furthermore, the female physiological response to stress is different. Women produce more stress hormones than men do, and the female sex hormone progesterone prevents the stress hormone system from turning itself off as it does in men.

enstranged

it's ironic
to have an intellectual
who is cognitive in nature
and likes to use affective intervention.

that's me.
i'm an irony.

God Of My Forever by City Harvest Church

God of my youth I remember
Your call on my life took me over
Your love has seen me through all my days
I stand here by Your grace
On this altar I’ve written my life
Tells of a story I have with You my Lord
I want the world to know

God of my forever and forever I’m with You
My life is saved with a price
Your sacrifice redeemed my soul
God of my forever and forever I will sing
My greatest honor will always be
To serve my Lord and King

God of my all I’ve surrendered
My heart finds its rest in Your word
Praises will not be enough to show
How my love for you has grown
Nothing matters when You’re here with me
In the end just to hear You say “well done”
Bowing before Your throne

Forever and ever
Jesus You alone in glory reign
Forever and ever
With You I walk this narrow way

Again, from the book
"J.R.R Tolkien, perhaps this century's greatest creator of fairy tales, often faced the charge that fantasy is an 'escapist' way of shifting attention away from the pressures of the 'real world'. His reply was simply:
Everything depends on that from which one is escaping. We view the flight of a deserter and the escape of a prisoner very differently." Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home?"

desiderio domini.
i dearly long to be with my Lord.

Saw this from 'The Jesus I never knew':
the author quoted from M.Scott Peck, who quoted from an old priest who spent many years in battle:
"There are dozens of ways to deal with evil and several ways to conquer it. All of them are facets of the truth that the only ultimate way to conquer evil is to let it be smothered within a willing, living human being. When it is absorbed there like blood in a sponge or a spear into one's heart, it loses its power and goes no further." and he goes on to say that
"the healing of evil - scientifically or otherwise - can be accomplished only by the love of individuals. A willing sacrifice is required ..."

earlier in the book, it says
"in a sense, the paired thieves present the choice that all history has had to decide about the cross. Do we look at Jesus' powerlessness as an example of God's impotence or as proof of God's love?"
and to end the chapter, Philip Yancey wrote
"Power, no matter how well-intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvary, God renounced the one for the sake of the other."

I found this to be a reminder of how God's love is not lovey dovey, easy love. It's a sacrificial, love your enemy, life changing, world altering sort of love.
it's a love that loves unloveable people.
which makes it so hard to follow!
Sometimes it's so much easier to assert power. rather than to restrain and love.
Got to constantly remind myself.
God is just.
He will be my judge.
At the end of the day, I have to account to Him for my actions.
Not the actions of people around me.
Self accountability.

I just rebonded my hair!
LOL
i don't even know what sort of rebond it is.
soft rebond? :)
haha
the salon lady told me not to wash my hair for 2 days!
how do i tahan not washing my hair for 2 days? O.o
and i read online that i've to take care of my hair to make sure it's continually straight and what nots.
i look at my chor lor nature and wonder how that's gonna happen.
haha :)
oh wells :)
it's a good place for reading though!

hahaha :)
recently been watching kobato.(newest work from CLAMP! yes. the fullstop is with the name. hahaa) and kimi ni todoke :)
lighthearted anime! :D
here's the song from kimi ni todoke:

tanizawa tomofumi - kimi ni todoke -

Lyrics:

やさしい日だまりに　チャイムがディレイする
ほほをなでる風　息吹は深くなってく

遠まわりの涙　名前つけた明日
重なる未来色のライン

あどけないこんな気持ちも
はじけ飛ぶほど笑い合えた日も
大切に育てていけるように
とぎれとぎれの時を越えて
たくさんの初めてをくれた
つながってゆけ　とどけ

放課後の夕闇　笑うきみの背中
ひそかなささやき　触れたことのない想いの中

僕の中のきみと　きみの中の僕で
絡まる未来色のライン

雨上がりの街の匂いと
夢みたいな秘密を胸に抱いて
何度も泣きそうになってまた笑う
考えるよりずっとはやく
その胸に飛び込めたらいい
つながってゆけ　とどけ

何よりも大事なきみの前で
傷つかないように大事にしてたのは　そう自分
その一言がもしもサヨナラのかわりになってしまっても
ありのまま　すべて

あどけないこんな気持ちも
はじけ飛ぶほど笑いあえた日も
大切に育てていけるように
ほんの少し大人になってく
君になりたい僕を超えて
つながってゆけ
今すぐきみに
とどけ

yasashii hidamari ni chaimu ga direisuru
hoho o naderu kaze ibuki wa fukaku natteku

toomawari no namida namaetsuketa ashita
kasanaru mirai iro no rain

adokenai konna kimochi mo
hajiketobu hodo waraiaeta hi mo
taisetsu ni sodatete ikeru you ni
togire togire no toki o koete
takusan no hajimete o kureta
tsunagatte yuke todoke

houkago no yuuyami warau kimi no senaka
hisoka na sasayaki fureta koto no nai omoi no naka

boku no naka no kimi to kimi no naka no boku de
karamaru mirai iro no RAIN

ameagari no machi no nioi to
yume mitai na himitsu o mune ni idaite
nando mo nakisou ni natte mata warau
kangaeru yori zutto hayaku
sono mune ni tobikometara ii
tsunagatte yuke todoke

nani yori mo daiji na kimi no mae de
kizutsukanai you ni daiji ni shiteta no wa sou jibun
sono hito koto ga moshi mo sayonara no kawari ni natte shimatte mo
ari no mama subete

adokenai konna kimochi mo
hajiketobu hodo wara aeta hi mo
taisetsu ni sodatete ikeru you ni
honno sukoshi otona ni natteku
kimi ni naritai boku o koete
tsunagatte yuke
ima sugu kimi ni
todoke

(on a random note, found this on my media tracker O.o i don't remember listening to this song.. maybe someone sent me the link? O.o heh. it's a mel-ish hopeful song. here goes:)

美しきタ暮れBeautiful Dusk - Nodame Cantabile OST

Friendships have such great healing power :)
hahaha.

it's december again :)
and i can remember last december quite vividly :)
i can recall of the things i was disappointed, worried, sad about.
as well as the times of happiness and joy.
i recall vividly the carolling.
i recall of things that people said.

and it's december again :)
so much has changed.
ministry is dynamic.
ministry makes people strong hearted! :)
God strengthens people :) and changes people.

security in God changes perspectives :)

and so i spent 3 hours thinking, wanting to do substantive things, but not doing so.
just thinking and pondering.
and then i moved to clear rubbish from my room.
and sat down and thought again.
and though i know i should sleep soon.
sleep which is tugging at my sleeves is unable to pull me away from the weight of my thoughts.
why am i so disturbed by it?
'cos it reminds me of things which are unpleasant.

... feels like a betrayal of some sort, though it's nowhere near one...

continually trusting.
i wanted to flee,
but i remembered tenderness.
i wanted to hide,
and remembered the patience shown.
so then i choose to trust.
and not to run.
but to desire to believe
in God's sovereignty.

His love allay my fears.

: )
i find it interesting to read past entries and observe differences.
hahaa.
you know. i've always thought that i'd do a lot of psych modules on personality differences and in the area of cognitive psych.
in the end, i never did any much modules in these areas..and instead developed developmental psych. lol :)
i never thought that i'd end up back in the school setting, but i did.
i never thought that i'd ever have a cat, but i do :)

xinying doesn't like cramps.
but she quite like B.L.E.S.S bookstore :D
it's a bookstore at kovan :D
and i've got a direct bus there ;)

and it feels like

i'm digging through
inches
and inches
and inches of snow.

and all i wanna do is to
drop the shovel
and walk back
into the warm hut
and hide inside.

maybe it's just the wrong weather to walk outside.
i'll wait till spring.
or maybe i'll just stay in the hut and not come out forever.

the one question that my female friends have been asking after breakups

"Can you tell me why does it seem like it doesn't affect him at all?"

and when i answer, i usually try to bring in the guy's perspective
but there're times when i wonder
why am i defending the other sex?

the feminist in me strikes.




ding.

/and it gets more painful to hear that out of fellow sisters in Christ/

...
and then you walk
and then you frustrate
and then you forgave
and reached the door
to what goes beyond
and opened it
to realize
that all that awaits you is but a void
and staring at the void
you wonder
why in the world did you ever walk in this path for so long
just to realize that there is nothing there
and you wonder
why did you not just walk in the other path
and save yourself the frustration and the need to forgive
...
morning melancholy.

I've been thinking..
that it'd be nice to provide a foster home.
either for fostering children...
or for fostering animals.
or both :)
lost things do create a burden in me afterall :)

lost things.
and people who're hurting.

i love my chi 'cos she's got green eyes =)
then i asked myself. will i still love her if she has yellow eyes?
hahaa. i dunno if i will love her as much. LOL.
so sad ah. just because of an eye colour difference :)
but i guess as human beings we have preferences?
hahaha.
that's why we're attracted by some things, and not others.
but chi is so cute =)
and i really prayed for her eyes to be green instead of yellow. LOL.
I realized through GC.. (it's just one of the side things...) that there are certain traits of being melancholic which affect my preferences.

1) preference of having certainty in things.. this'll affect the kind of job i want, the need to do up appointments, the natural desire to plan. hahaha. but i guess along the way, through interactions with others, i'm learning to be able to deal with uncertainty, and to even enjoy it as uncertainty comes :)

2) i prefer to think about possibilities in the future. dunno if this is a mel trait though. hahahaa. this includes morbid possibilities of dying and meeting with accidents. hahaha. ah wells :)

you know.
till now i seldom experience times when i'm not thinking about something.
hahaa
stoning is a foreign word to me.
and usually happens only when i'm so tired i can fall asleep whenever i close my eyes a little longer than 2 seconds :)

GC was great :D

1 is better than 4.

when 4 comes... and turns to never.. it hurts.
and sometimes tt hurt can be so deep, that it'll potentially turn to bitterness.
praying for the people involved :\

I'm quite glad that I started thinking about the possibility of this happening around a month ago.. and how I'd answer if that happens :\
but it still doesn't lessen the effect of startling me.
at least i've thought through about what i wanted :)
------------------------------------------------
1 is better than 4
4 is better than never
and if never comes,
then I'll thank God for the time that was.

heh.
-------------------------------------------------
i'm very sleepy :\
but i've not packed my bag for GC :\

i went for school retreat today :)
took some photos..
hahaa
but realized that i've not packed my bag... short update it shall be then :D:D:D

We saw him near the pavillion we had our activities.. hehee.


There was a bus which fetched us from school and brought us straight to palawan beach. Sadly, our activities were not conducted at palawan.. hahaha. instead, it was conducted at a pavillion much much nearer to siloso. LOL. we walked. and walked. and walked. and walked. and walked. and walk e d . and w a l k e d.
and reached this pavillion to find bananas and bottles of waters waiting for us :D hahaa.
had some team bonding games... (which i shan't bother to describe. played one of the games in dcltp camp before). the final game was to assemble a pushcart and have a race :D
here's my team putting the pushcart together (and me being useless 'cos i completely have no knowledge in this. LOL. what bolting system 1-5-5-1.. nuts and screws:S)

The finished product! :)

And then lunch :D
lunch was not very nice though. but had a nice view :D


After lunch was some road hunt kind of thing. dunno what it's called. lol.
dunno why everyone became so competitive. hohoho.
i'm the youngest, yet i walk the slowest. LOL.
siewhui says tt's 'cos i'm distracted by taking photos.


hee. i can't remember what the above is called. some war pill? or war dunno what.

beautiful clouds...
and random stairs :D


bridge at palawan! to the most southern part of singapore :D:D:D beautiful waters! :D


Sitting at the second segment of the tram... we got tired of walking from siloso to palawan to siloso ........

beautiful waters again! hahaa. yesyes i know i'm obsessed with water :)

one of my favourite photos :)
those people are my team members :D

My feet dangling around while taking the skyride up! :D hahaa. it's skyride up, then luge... luge is FUN! :D but skyride is a little scary 'cos it feels a little insecure. :S (even for people like me who love rollercoasters. lol)

view taken from skyride :) can see siloso beach in the distance =)

there's a pair of emoticons which follow me wherever i go for now.
meet

+_+ and >_<

hahahaha:)

-----------------------------------------
staff retreat tmr :)
gotta wake up early :S
the waking up early part is not appealing at all :)
haha :)
i've not packed my bag for gc! :\

it's so hard to be a human being.

I really really really miss this hour :)
the air at this hour
the ringing of the alarm clock from my parents' room...
seeing chi sleep :)
the coolness of the night
the feeling of having no work in the morning, yet knowing i've got things to do..
having company on msn :)
being awake and alert at night
=)
-----------------------------
hee.
just saw this on yizhong's blog.
'i miss the people... xy, hy, zz, nic, sl, gz, in the exams HQ'

thanks for missing us :)
-----------------------------
i find it interesting how different people have different interests. hahaha. i think human beings are so fascinating.
and today i just remembered that i like to see things/works in progress.. and i like to see what happens in the background of things that're shown in the foreground.. like i like to see how a service is run.. how a performance is done... how the painting comes about.
and i remember that i like acrylic paintings 'cos of the texture. beautiful texturing with acrylic tt's not found in watercolours, or crayons.. or colour pencils.
--------------------------
i enjoy doing work while others talk :D

it's STILL blue screening :\
LOL
i enjoy reading at changi airport =)

: )
i prayed over my laptop yesterday (after various blue screens and attempts at installing updates and what nonsense). LOL.
so far so good :D

Koped this from one of my classmates:
'The courage to be.... a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a fixed quantity of traits' -- Carl Rogers

person centered! :D

okay.
so it doesn't work.
hahahahhaa.
but i realized tt it doesn't blue screen as long as i don't go online.
or rather, stay out of facebook for now :\
LOL

To make an attempt to defeat the insurmountable blue screen, i cleared my private data (cache and cookies and temp files), tried not to go on country story ('cos it always goes into blue screen when i'm using country story)... and wanted to restart my comp to install updates to firefox.
yet... the blue screen watered down my attempts and extinguished the efforts.
just when all seemed lost and i was prepared to reformat, i accidentally pressed the power button beside the 'Lock this computer' button..
and...
it started to install 8 updates which were not properly installed previously!
and ~hope has found its place within me~
till now (only 10 mins.. but nevertheless 10 mins!), the blue screen is nowhere to be seen as of yet :D
so it could have been an unstable system caused by incomplete installation of vital updates :D:D:D
praying that the blue screen will continue to be kept at bay!

my blue-screening laptop can really drive me mad.
frustrated at it.

Read this article yesterday while looking for a FSC to refer a family who'll lose their house soon to.
Recently have been talking to parents and parents and more parents..
and it's almost like, out of every 3 parents i meet, 2 will be divorced/have remarried :\
hahaa.
two things i've been advising parents about:

1) Do not suddenly give a lot of freedom to your children when your child reaches adolescent years. Yes, the child will want more freedom, will say things like
'I won't do anything bad outside la. Why you worry for what? Can't you trust me?'
but...
slowly loosen the rein.
make them earn the trust from you :) (e.g. one special day of staying out with friends after school/cca)
set boundaries (e.g. timings for them to return from school by - 1 hr after school ends? -- for sec 1s.)
take care of them :)
especially fathers!
more freedom can be given in sec 3 and sec 4 though :)

2) Communicate openly to your child. Let the child know that you are willing to be a friend to them, to listen to them and to share your expectations with them. Let them know that you want them to communicate their needs to you as well.
Love them.
And be fair among the siblings.
Students have a keen awareness of unfair treatments.

:)
lol.
it's painful to have to ask parents to consider filing for beyond parental control :S

Got this from a blog :) (the person got it from an actual writing from an American dentist in response to an ad which rewards anyone who kills an American or a Canadian :\

"An American or Canadian is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

An American or Canadian may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans or Canadians.

American and Canadians are Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America or Canada and they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American or Canadian is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American or Canadian lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence or the Canadian Constitution which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness.

An American or Canadian is generous. Americans or Canadians have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return. Americans and Canadians came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan.

Americans and Canadians welcome the best of everything, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services. But they also welcome the least. The national symbol of America, the Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built North America .

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.

So you can try to kill an American or Canadian if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself.

Because Americans and Canadians are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American or a Canadian."

I'm not an American.. but i thought it's quite well written! :)

hhahahaa.
I was searching for 'feeling giddy after breakfast', which led to searching for 'how to make work more interesting'.. which led me to these 2 articles...
1) 10 ways to make laziness work for you
2) structured procrastination
And I do agree that procrastination is often a manifestation of perfectionism!

still feeling giddy.

Had a counselling session yesterday!
hahahaha
daidai was my counsellor. hahaa
she needed to do assignment using sfbt (solution focused brief therapy), so she asked me to be her counsellee.
lol.
sfbt will always remind me of stanley.
hmmm.
going through counselling is therapeutic :D regardless of whether it's for an assignment or not. hahahaa.
and it really helped to have the miracle question posed to me! it helped me see things which i missed, and helped me to realize why there was a change in my behaviour.
going through the session as a counsellee also made me realize tt people might not be used to the different things presented using sfbt at first... it took a twice asking of the miracle question before i really realized what it is i really wanted to happen.
-------------------------

i am naturally
magnetically
attracted
to lost things.
like chi.
and human beings.

there's something fascinating with reading poignant liners.
inspires one to come up with poignant liners too!
hahaha.
maybe someone can sell a book full of poignant liners :)
it's interesting 'cos the liners become instantly entangled with memories and experiences. then one can say 'i can identify with that!' or that 'i've gone through that!'
:)

I've always felt that if I should die suddenly, it would be alright.
'cos I've done many things which I've always wanted to.
Things which I've thought were not very possible when I was younger.
And sometimes this lapse into complacency.
hahahaa.
God's really blessed me much.
may i continue to be fruitful and faithful with what God has given me :)

lol.
super funny.
been going out for lunch with a male and female colleague.
my female colleague has been double meaning her words recently, promoting the male colleague.
i'm super amused.

Got this from online. someone wrote 7 reasons to quit the job. lol.

4. Hierarchy and politics? No Thanks: Large organizations tend to be hierarchical and there is nothing you can do about it. People are classified according to their rank or seniority rather than by the quality of their ideas or by their drive. Sometime ago I was trying to implement the first internal blog for my division. The first thing I did was to call directly the HQ guy who was responsible for the communications platform, and he assured me that it would take no longer than 1 week to set the blog up. Guess what, after a couple of days I received a call from the Communications manager from our division, she wanted to “explain to me the rules of the game”(!). Basically she told me that all the communications related requests needed to pass through her no matter what, and she would therefore take charge of the blog set up. Two months after that call my division was still waiting for the blog.

.
VERY TRUE about large organisations being hierarchical!
and very true about the rank or seniority thing.
sucky.
but i guess one good thing is that you don't necessarily have to be stuck with one person for lunch. lol.
thank God for the lunching company!

lol.
my friend put up an interesting nick on facebook with regards to how if you can't treat children with love and care, don't have kids. use a condom.
my sup has her personal value of how if as a couple, you're not going to be committed to working out problems, and decide to run away instead, don't get married.
'cos that's how most marriages end.
and you don't have to be a counsellor for long, or even be a teacher or a social worker or youth worker for long, before you realize that in Singapore, marriage dissolution IS very common :S
nowadays while making phone calls to parents, i get quite cautious about asking about the other parent. lol

Song can be found here :)

Walk on the water - Britt Nicole

You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder

What if i'm overtaken
What if i never make it
What if no one's there?
Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that He won't let you go

Chorus:

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes in you
You can walk on the water too

Verse 2:
So get out
And let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

Bridge:
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

i looked out through the window grill
into the still dark night
when all is calm, the leaves are still
no stars are shining bright.
A time like this, when all's surreal
A poem i try to write
And realized though there's the will
What has ceased's the might.
---------------------------------------
i think work dulls my brain!
i feel my processing speed decrease as i continue to work. LOL
my senses are duller
the world becomes less bright.


hahaa.
kidding abt the world becoming less bright.
----------------------------------------
yes! my attending and listening skills are mostly at the professional independent level! :D
but my conceptualization and assessment skills need to be improved. LOL
:D
talking with her makes me so much more excited about counselling once again.
--------------------------------------
today i remembered how interesting a person you are :D

it's such a joy to meet my individual sup.
hahahahaa.
i really really enjoy the time with her :D
think 'cos we have similar worldviews
and i enjoy hearing her share abt her daughters.
LOL
MISS HER!

>_<

counsellor self care tip #1:

make sure you're alone, but not alone.
(e.g. doing your work - nonconfidential stuff, in the staff lounge, laughing at your colleagues make silly mistakes while playing pool).

counsellor self care tip #2:

leave the situation in school. don't think about it at home. don't bring your work home when you know it'll trigger reminders of school.
(e.g. leaving home visit forms in school even though it could be filled in at home)

counsellor self care tip #3:

do something you enjoy and have not had the chance to do so.
(e.g. watch a movie alone - i watched 'the ugly truth'[not nice] or go to the arcade [percussionfreaks and jubeat ripples :D])

counsellor self care tip #4:

do reframing :) don't take things too much to heart :)
(e.g. give thanks for the many things in life :D give thanks for life :D)

counsellor self care tip #5:

smile more. laugh often. pray often too.
:D

... and we were just joking about it at breakfast time :\ ...

-growing, we do it everyday
we're growing when we're sleeping and even when we play
and as we grow a little older, we can do more things
because we're growing and so are you

each day we grow a little taller, a little bigger, not smaller
and we grow a little friendlier too
we try to be a little nicer as we grow each day
because i'm growing and so are you!-

I love barney and friends.
hahaha
haven't heard this song for quite a while, and surprisingly i still remember the song! :)
morning was a mayhem and a mad rush.
finally there's peace.

Physically I don't feel very very tired.
but somewhere inside me, i feel exhausted :S
too much active interaction with human beings. LOL
i need time to sit down somewhere (preferably mos burger), to reflect and pray, write down stuff, to draw, to use colours, to watch a funny lighthearted anime, to just sit with someone and enjoy the wind.

Just came back from 3 home visits!
very interesting to do home visits :) lol.
'cos u have the excuse to go into the room to see, and you get to see how the environment is like :)
it's really quite cool.
hmmm.
most of my kids come from families in 3 room flats though :)
interesting too.
and the tc i went with acts very differently in the school and outside. lol.
intriguing too :)

oh. at any rate, i can identify with the people who have no fans in their room :)
lol.
my fan broke down! hahahaa. so i slept for 2 nights without any fan.
tonight, i'm smarter (cld be due to the infusion of music).
i pulled in the fan from the living room. hahahahahahaa.
quite happy i won the fan in the lucky draw afterall :D

It takes around 45 mins to reach home by nightrider (from getting on the bus at the esplanade bus stop, to walking home from the lorong 1 bus stop). hahaha.
haven't taken nightrider for some time!
but i figured tt it's good to save money! :D (though i did spend quite a lot playing para para today.. ah wells. but it's 50 cents for 5 songs! except for the times when i tried the 'hard' stage instead of 'normal'.. that's when i usually die after 2-3 songs :\) my gosh. playing para para continuously is super tiring :\
and i'm improving in my drummania! :D hahaha. very tempted to play more (and play Jubeat). LOL
so yes! save up on cab fares (especially the ones to school!). be early. be punctual:) drink more plain water :) eat more fruits :)(having a craving for powerberry juice now. LOL) and share food. HAHAHAHA. sharing food makes food taste better :D
hahaha.
anyway, i still think 50 cents for 5 songs is very worth it. LOL
-------------------

balancing discipline and grace :D

Just watched Aoi Bungaku. it was interesting O.o

I think that it'd be interesting to be a foster parent in the future :)

Lol. Something I read which was quite funny.

'To begin with, however, it’s worth pointing out there’s really no such thing as an intrinsically “bad smell.” Rather, there are only smells; and how we perceive them is largely an artifact of our particularly human evolutionary heritage. To say that rotting flesh smells disgusting is similar to saying that the sunset looks beautiful—there’s no “beautiful-ness” quality intrinsic to the sunset just as there’s no “disgusting-ness” intrinsic to rotting flesh. Rather, rotting flesh and sunsets are only perceived this way by the human mind; as “phenomenological” qualities, adjectives such as “beautiful” and “disgusting” merely describe how we subjectively experience the natural world. I can assure you that whatever particular scents you find repulsive, my dog, Gulliver, would likely perceive as irresistibly appealing. And I mean rotting flesh and just about anything else you can think of, with the exception perhaps of skunk odor and his own feces, for which I can only hope you’d share a mutual disdain.'

I agree! Chi likes to smell my armpits!

This is one of my favourite advertisements! :D Dove's advert :)

O.o
Sometimes I'm confused at the amount of freedom I have in the workplace to bring in things.
Sent out an email with regards to playback theatre 'cos I felt it'd be interesting for our kids and it's connected to counselling.
Got an email (with jumbled correspondences) from my boss saying tt they'll release funds for it and asked me to write proposal and budget.
O.o
intriguing.

My gosh.
I'm melting.
It's SUPER WARM! :\
:\:\:\

the people in my school are not very clean -.-
lol.
lunchtime conversation was full of innuendos :X
then sometimes u dunno whether to laugh .. 'cos u can catch all of it (trained from primary school -.-) and yet, it just sounds wrong. lol.
haha.
ah wells.
my i declared to my colleagues that i am innocent and told them to stop polluting my mind. lol.
they said that those who're really innocent won't say tt they're innocent :P
okay la.
the bunch of lunch and breakfast people who mean no harm :)

and i saw a certain magazine catered for males in the lounge.
my goodness.

:)
i like to live my world in possibilities.
though i know most of the time, the things i hope to have won't come true, or might not happen, living my world in such possibilities give me great hope :)
each day i live with a keen awareness of the ugliness of life and human nature. each day i see the ugliness of systems around me.
and each day i understand the possibility of beauty within that ugliness.
it's like seeing a flower grow out of concrete.
or of finding a growing seedling covered by the ugly soil.

i've grown recently to understand that it's important that each person takes responsibility of his/her own actions.
sometimes there's a tendency within us to want to protect the person. it's fine to protect. but not to overprotect.
ultimately, at the end of the day, each person takes responsibility of his/her own actions. there's always a consequence to each action we take. be it a positive or negative one.

God's grace covers us through many situations which we stumble though :)
but let's not take God's grace for granted.

---------------------------------------

Sometimes when i look through counselling connection, i'm just super amazed, and a little awed. hahaaa.
it's like.
wow.
as a counsellor, i'm supposed to know all these? O.O
and to be able to help my clients in all these areas as well? O.o
my goodness.
i can't even manage my life well enough. HAHAHAHA.
it's amazing and encouraging :)

drip.



drip.



a gong.
shoutings.

drip.



disturbance.

drip.drip.



drip.

Think this happens to some of us who're in dysfunctional families.
do take note :)

The Hero, who is usually the oldest child, is characteristically over-responsible and an over-achiever. The Hero allows the family to be reassured it is doing well, as it can always look to the achievements of the oldest son or daughter as a source of pride and esteem. While the Hero may excel in school, be a leader on the football team or a cheerleader, or obtain well-paying employment, inwardly he or she is suffering from painful feelings of inadequacy and guilt, as nothing he or she does is good enough to heal his family's pain. The Hero's compulsive drive to succeed may in turn lead to stress-related illness, and compulsive over-working. The Hero's qualities of appeasement, helpfulness and nurturing of his or her parents may cause others outside the family to remark upon the child's good character, and obtains him or her much positive attention. But inwardly, the Hero feels isolated, unable to express his or her true feelings or to experience intimate relationship, and is often out of touch with his or her own sources of spirituality.

Helping others to grieve :) (from Counselling Connection)

You may be reading this series wondering how to help someone close to you, grieve the loss of their loved one. Some people have firm beliefs about the grieving process and what should and should not be done when assisting others. Generally speaking, there are some myths about grieving which should be considered when assisting the bereaved.

Myth: People who are grieving don’t want to talk about their loss, and bringing up the name of the deceased should be avoided.

Don’t be afraid to talk about the deceased or mention his/her name as it is probable that the bereaved person will want to talk about it.

Myth: Keep the bereaved person busy in order to avoid them thinking about the deceased.

If the bereaved person is kept too busy, the grieving process could be delayed. They need to have a healthy balance of alone time and time with people who can support them.

Myth: The grieving period is lasting too long and the person should be over it by now.

The grieving process is individual to each person and dependent on many things. These may include the type of relationship with the deceased together with the level of support available to the bereaved. Other stressors in the person’s life may also hinder the grieving process.

Myth: The bereaved person appears to be OK, so I will avoid any mention of their loss when I see them.

Some people feel very uncomfortable mentioning death or even being around people who are grieving. It is not only important to keep in contact with the bereaved, but to acknowledge the loss.

Myth: A person who is not showing signs of grieving is probably coping well.

Sometimes people avoid grieving publicly because they believe they have to be brave for the sake of others. By holding back their emotions, they are more than likely delaying the grieving process which can be unhealthy for their eventual recovery.

Many of us find talking to someone who is grieving, extremely difficult. It may be so difficult we decide to avoid the bereaved person for a period of time. Here is a list of helpful tips to remember.

1. DO use the deceased person’s name
2. DO talk about the deceased person. Keep memories alive by looking at photos, recognizing anniversaries and commemorating the person.
3. DO share you feelings with the bereaved. Be honest about your fears of saying the wrong thing, but be there anyway.
4. DO provide opportunities for the bereaved to express their feelings.
DO be patient with the bereaved.
5. DON’T use euphemisms like ‘passed away’.
6. DON’T say things like “you must be brave” – people don’t have to be brave, they should be allowed to express their emotions.
7. DON’T say “you should be better by now”. There is no timetable for grief.

i guess.
that it's a little saddening.
to see.
this.
happening.

i wanted to blog about how these few months have been for me.
but am not sure where to start.
and how to start.
'cos i don't want it to sound like an excuse.
but yet i don't want to belittle its effect on me either.

i guess having people who identify with me in the workplace helps.
it helps me to realize that i'm sane. i'm not being over demanding. i'm not being overly critical. i'm healthily adjusting. the flaws i see in the workplace, are the flaws others see too.
thank God.

I took the time to clear my wallet :)
now it's flatter.
and then I cleared up a bit of my room :)
now one small part looks cleaner and neater.
and i took out my bank box and deposited money in it. as a reminder to fill it up.
now it looks quite delighted sitting on my table :)
and i read a few counselling articles :D
and saved a few nice articles (eg. from yizhong's blog and from counselling connection).

i'm driven by internal motivations.
i can expand a lot of energy doing something which i find worthwhile, or am interested in, or finds meaning in.
for example.
i loved studying psychology 'cos of what i learn from it. the fact that i could nicely apply what i learn in psychology to the people around me made me happy as well.
i realize that i can't really be driven by external motivations.
i can't just study very hard to get good results (good results don't mean much to me), or to get a good job for money (which doesn't motivate me much either), or just 'cos deadlines are coming up.
as such, i don't really care about a lot of things. lol. which is not exactly very good =) and not exactly very pleasing to God :)
God is a strong external motivation for me though. hahahaa.

i feel most motivated at night, but only when i'm awake enough to be motivated. body has naturally been conking out from 12.30am (except for today.. possibly 'cos i was clearing out my wallet then), and waking at 4, then sleeping at 5, and waking at 6.30 or 7am. which kinda left me with much fatigue and grogginess. hahaa. and of course, when you have work the next day, you can't really do much things at night without remembering tt u have work the next day on ur mind :)

but at the end of the day
it's about stewardship.
of what we've been given.
of time, money, the talents that we have, the position we're in.

From Counselling Connection:

Journaling as a Tool to Reduce Stress

Journaling is a way of tracking the development of our thoughts and feelings. It enables us to not only record our journey but also to write down our goals and our plans on how to reach those goals.

The journal is a very powerful tool which assists us in recording our perceptions. The Journal, as the name implies, leads us on a journey which helps us to reveal our true selves. We are not simply recording our experiences as in a diary.

With a Journal, we are going beyond simply recording what “happens” in our lives to a process of transformation into our highest concept of ourselves and allowing a healing to take place. A journal helps us to discover ourselves and our higher purpose. By combining the tool of journaling with all the other tools we have discussed, we will reveal the essence of our being is love, life and laughter.

Research has shown that journaling merely fifteen minutes each day, can improve one’s health and one’s stress levels. There is a correlation between the expression of thoughts and feelings and one’s sense of self worth. The stronger you express your feelings, the greater the transformation through the journalling process and thus the greater the reward.

The purpose of our journals is to help us express our thoughts and feelings in a deep, intimate and personal way. Our journal may include descriptions of our daily interactions with others and the feelings that arise out of those interactions.

The key factor is to understand that we are a part of the equation. Events may happen far away from us, but our day to day personal experience is something we are taking part in. We can work through painful memories, or events in our lives, or scribe joyful experiences.

Both painful experiences and joyful experiences give us a great insight into how we are living our lives and how we can make new more empowering choices in the future and be happy with the choices we made in the past that got is to the place we are today. All thoughts and feelings are important to the process of your journal and no entry is too big or too small.

It is probably best when we have a flexible approach to our journals and include pictures that we find, or make, sketches, articles from magazines and books and quotes from people in our lives or historical figures.

Often people will ask questions of themselves in their journal and then as they add to their journal, they answer these questions. The important thing is that we are able to express ourselves and allow for the journal to be part of our journey revealing our path and empowering us to see ourselves more clearly and make choices that are more empowering.

The depth of your writing is not as important as the process and putting pen to paper, or fingers to the keyboard. Our goal is personal discovery and positive transformation knowing that “as we change our minds, we change our lives.”

You're the light in my darkness
the hope in my despair.

teetering. teetering.
fall.
shards.
foetal.
and a concrete floor that awaits.

lol
it's interesting to watch makeup videos :X
bought a Mary Kay eyeliner today 'cos the consultants came to the school. hahaaa. thanks to swc for bringing them in!
have been wanting to buy an eyeliner for some time, but was wondering which brand. saw reviews that mary kay's one is not bad!
i hope i actually do use it :X
have bought a couple of lip glosses before and never used them :S
and i've been laxing on my skincare routine :\ no time!
and lost a eyeshadow palette, and yet another. lol.
ah. work work :)

i think.
that i have a very bad habit.
of liking to matchmake people.
i'd be like
wow! these 2 pple will make a great couple! and they'll be able to support each other very well!
lol.
:X

-desiderio domini
how dearly i long to be
with You Lord, at Your feet
desiderio domini -

there are times when i really long to be with God. to just listen to Him, to just be with Him in His presence, to love Him, adore Him.
To just rest in Him.
To just be with Him.
overwhelming.

On a more serious note.
I guess there's a need, especially for leaders, to be above reproach as well. To be walking right in the ways of God.
that when a leader is asked to step down, as fellow brothers and sisters, we should also give grace and support to the sister or brother :)
we're all human afterall.

woke up with this song in mind

-You are, the love of my life
You are the hope that i cling to
You mean more than this world to me
I wouldn't trade You for silver or gold
I wouldn't trade You for riches untold
You are
You are my everything-

lol.
specifically the lines of
- I couldn't take one step without You
I don't have the strength to make it on my own -

woke up feeling really tired. hahaa.
accumulation of work and things to do :)
and lack of sleep.
the other counsellor's not in school today, so i feel more relaxed. hahaa.
wanna finish all the overdue stuff by today >_<

hmm.
i enjoyed worship prac last night :)
think i miss worship prac! hahaha.

was thinking also of the need to be above reproach in our lives.
quite hard hor :)
by the grace of God.
can see a lot of my flaws and weaknesses since i've stepped into the working world :D
irritating and interesting at the same time.
lol.
and surprisingly, i'm just viewing it with an evaluative mindset. it's time to step back in and change! :D

Just got to know today accidentally that one of my colleagues won't be staying in the school. O.o feels a little stunned. lol. oh wells.
i wonder how many changes of staff i'll see as i continue to stay in the school.

-and i'm standing at the bottom of the wishing well-

Maybe after being a counsellor, i should try to see if I can be a youth worker instead. it'd be interesting i think. and also 'cos one don't have to keep thinking about boundary issues. lol. or about unconditional positive regard. but then again, i prob won't be satisfied, 'cos there won't be deep issues to tackle with the client.

Interestingly, J-Co at Raffles City has free internet connection! hahahaa.
and they have yoghurt :D very filling though :S
but it doesn't have power plug. sadly :\
feeling quite sleepy :)

I think dabbling in student's lives is a pretty interesting thing. lol
i particularly find negotiations interesting. between students, or between student and parent, or between student or teacher..
lol.
and i think it's really interesting how people will determine how you're like. like for example, sometimes students think that i'm quite free and have nothing to do. lol. some of them wanna counsel me. but the other general impression is that i'm a nice teacher (i'm not a teacher!), that i listen to them, and thus they respect me for that.
that was really an interesting realization. lol. then u realize that wow, u actually have 'power' over students. that when u tell them to do something, they'll do.
and tt's scary!

Thought this was interesting :)

I’ve had three of my own children and spent my professional life thinking about children. And yet I still find my relation to my children deeply puzzling. Our love for children is so unlike any other human emotion. I fell in love with my babies so quickly and profoundly, almost completely independently of their particular qualities. And yet 20 years later I was (more or less) happy to see them go – I had to be happy to see them go. We are totally devoted to them when they are little and yet the most we can expect in return when they grow up is that they regard us with bemused and tolerant affection. We are ambitious for them, we want them to thrive so badly. And yet we know that we have to grant them the autonomy to make their own mistakes. In no other human relation do we work so hard to accomplish such an ill-defined goal, which is precisely to create a being who will have goals that are not like ours.

Saw this on a post titled 'One nagging thing you still don't understand about yourself' from a psych website hahaa. they got psychologists to write on that topic. pretty interesting read i feel :)
it can be found here

Enjoy :)

and so i translate emotions into work.

Was watching an anime today...
which showed that small miscommunications can lead to very strained relationships.
when maybe all that's needed is for the people involved to sit down and talk, to convey what they need to convey
sometimes it could be due to the fact that maybe one thinks that the situation won't change regardless of the communication. or perhaps they just don't know what to say. or how to say. or when to say.

Singing KTV brings back a lot of memories :)
It reminds me of my first cg in nus grp, when jiexian was still around, when huanyan will sing lots of jay zhou songs 'cos he likes to rap. hahaha.
reminds me of the time when melody joined us for ktv at partyworld. when nexus still had partyworld. lol.
reminds me of the time when we went to joo seng and sang, and you were still around.
reminds me of your first time at ktv with us. LOL. at cystalbell :) the deers' first ktv session together :P after a super long time.
and just seeing some song titles, or the names of some artistes, will remind me of certain people who were with us, but are not anymore.
yesterday night's ktv will be another memory of its own :)

我活了，我爱了，我都不管了。

可能的，可以的，真的可惜了。

－－－－－－－－－－－

就始终觉得很可惜，　为何你们会离开这个大家庭。　有时想到你们俩，心中还是带着忧伤。
起初的不明白，后来的不舍于伤心，有些气馁。
现在只剩下的就是一阵可惜。
以及偶尔的悲伤。

九个月了。心中的问题仍然存在。

你们何时再回来这个家庭呢？

－－－－－－－－－－－－－

“Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved.”

amen :)

I took the opportunity to fill up my emotional tank today :D hahahaa.

shall share next time more on this language of love (mine!). hahaha.

but meanwhile, to share an incident about how physical touch can make or break a person... there was a period of time in 2005, before I came over to uni group, that i felt quite down and out 'cos of certain things in my life that happened and i didn't get the chance to resolve. in my super down and out time, there was a service when out of nowhere, no idea why, shirley (melinda) came to me, gave me a solid pat on the back, then just walked off.
lol.
i think that pat probably was one of the main reasons as to why i continued to stay on in Hope after that :)

i need to voice my needs!
ah!

Yay. One of my toughest cases asked me today when our next session will be, explicitly stating that she wants a next session with me :D
----------------

still thinking if i'm comfortable with going out alone with one of my male colleagues o.O

Doing transcript for my taped sessions can drive me mad. LOL.
it's super a lot of work to be done :\
I'm super sleepy :D
hahaha.
:D
I should learn to train up pool in school. hahaa. since staff lounge has a pool table :X

There's a certain effect on me when I see people type on their blog that they're grinning from ear to ear. 'cos i visualize. then i can see the person grinning from ear to ear. so it's quite amusing to see that image of a person grinning from ear to ear. like a Cheshire cat :D
a Chearshire cat? :P
okay. that one not funny. hahahaa.
i like to grin to myself :)
this place is very warm now.
doing my transcript :\
taking an extremely long time :S:S:S
-------------------------------------

Okay. now the aircon's fixed. so it's no longer warm :)
and i just realized i can print in the SFE room :D yay. so tt's good too :)
i like setting up systems and pioneering new things :D

The troublesome thing about the school system is that it requires instantaneous results. It's result focused. Singapore's system is result based. Sadly.
But as what my individual supervisor said, that's how we get things done so fast.
Of course, in the meantime, we neglect a lot of other things as well.
I guess in a sense, we gotta be patient to see the mental health sector continue to grow ba. I always remember how Dr Tang (or is it Dr Lynette Ng) told us that the mental health sector in Singapore is 50 years behind that of America's.
Sadly, there are still many people who do not know what counselling is and use the word loosely. To many people, including myself before I formally went through training, counselling is talking. As long as you talk to the person, you listen to the person, that's counselling.
That's not counselling.

The following is taken from the Singapore Association for Counselling
Professional Practices
Counsellor’s are professionals who have significant post-graduate training in counselling theory and skills training OR its equivalent through on-the-job experience, in order to provide safe, confidential, and relevant services to the public who approach them for such services. The professional practices and ethics of counsellors should include and is not limited to the following:
1. To do no harm.
2. Counsellors tend to be people who have a genuine interest in others and like to develop a helping relationship.
3. Respect of the other person/s, regardless of their issue/s.
4. Use listening skills and interviewing skills to understand the counsellee.
5. Adhere to ethical approaches
6. Practice confidentiality
7. Keep boundaries
8. Keep professional relationships
9. Shares training, approach and orientation.
10. Participates in Professional Membership
11. Actively upgrades with Continuing Education
12. Abide by existing laws of the land


What Counselling is not:
While a lot of counselling is a dialogue between two people or more, a Counsellor must ALWAYS maintain a professional, objective position in the counselling relationship. Therefore, it is generally discouraged for a professional counsellor to counsel a person that he is related to or has an existing relationship or is an acquaintance. If a counselor proceeds in such a situation, it is called “a dual relationship” and could affect the objective input of the counsellor. If a counsellor is approached by an acquaintance/friend/relative, he/she should consider a referral or simply assist on a personal level but not on a professional level. Generally, I advocate the following to indicate what counselling is not:

1. Telling a person what to do
2. Passing judgement
3. Moralizing
4. Encouraging dependence
5. Taking sides between couples
6. Boosting someone's ego
7. Giving advice
8. Solving other’s problems for them(People have the capacity to solve their own problems!)

Yup.
I think one of the reasons as to why people may not know what counsellors do, is due to the fact that confidentiality has to be kept within a session. The lease I can do, is to let the people I know what counselling is about :)
Of course, the best way that you can know what a counsellor does is to actually go through a counselling session yourself :) It's quite therapeutic!

Having said all that...
i think i might really be falling sick.
my temperature have been going up and down and up and down.
and the headache has been coming in on and off and on and off.
i hope i dun have a bloodclot in my brain. then suddenly faint and go into coma and die :X

:)
think these days i may be looking too much to my own needs. my own desires.
and i forget the very basic biblical principle that
he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed (proverbs 11:25b).
stupid hor :)
i also think i'm quite dumb to forget about tt basic principle :)
sometimes i really feel like grumbling
hahaha.
like how come i'm new to the working life and i'm facing with such interesting stuff. hahaa.
i guess if i want to complain and grumble, there's lots to complain about.
but won't solve the problem also :)
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair." (2 Corinthians 4:8).
at least if i try my best in the situations i'm in:) i am accountable to God :)
i guess that's most important ba.
for my life is not my own anyway.
and if Jesus is coming back soon, i sure dun want to be in a state of unpreparedness when He's back :)
but i guess i'd still rant at times :)
hahahahahaa :X

i really miss jesse.
and i miss manmi too.
:)

recently i don't feel like i'm 23 years old :)

-take my life
take my everything
take my heart
take every part of me
gotta give my heart my life to You
and i'll never stop
never stop giving my life to You!-

so it's good to be crazy once in a while :)
to just let the sang side of u come out.

Isn't it odd sometimes.
that there are things that seem to be real, but actually are not?
illusions are their name i suppose.
that there're so many things in the world that from far, look like what it was supposed to be. but as you go near, you realize that maybe it's not afterall :)
and then you wonder why you ever went near in the first place.
perhaps it's to realize for yourself what it actually is.
or maybe it's better to just not go near in the first place.
and keep that delusion (oh. now it's delusion) so that things will not get so complicated afterall :)

I guess there's something therapeutic about getting out of the house :)
Therapeutic to travel.. to just look and observe.
------------------------------

This is for brothers :P

why you should not put your laptops on your lap for long :)

On male fertility and laptops

i'm a human being who just happens to be a counsellor : |
i'm only a human being.

a h u m a n b e i n g.

on becoming a human.

i'm not God

i'm only a human being :(

... and i don't feel like talking anymore ...

a wait with no certainty.

this recent week has been filled with topics of death and grief.

the many natural disasters that have happened in the past week.

the things that happen to our personal friends, or ourselves.

a primary school friend's brother's death. a fellow classmate's diagnosis of stage 3 lymphoma. sensing a fellow classmate's suppressed grief over a death of a student due to the need to be professional. your own suppressed sadness. all within a week.

:)

sunday is a day of rest :) (but i got transcripts to do :( )
haha. ah wells :)

I guess God wants me to learn to be more disciplined. lol.
and to be more methodological.
i've never been good at filing.
to be well in my job, i need to keep a very systematic filing system.
it's really an area which i lack.
boohoohoo. so sad.
but yes.
learning.
guess i'm being trained up in this area.
lol.
all the better.
or else i won't be able to take care of myself and family well next time :)

I don't think I'm a type A personality type leh :\
LOL
--------------------
Glory is here - Michael Gungor

Someday You’ll come.
Darkness will cease.
True light will dawn, everyone will then see everything new
We’ll finally see You.

Awaiting that day, searching for more
While along You are found with the poor.
Help me to see
You’re all around me

Chorus:
Our praises arise
As we come to recognize
Jesus is near
Glory is here

In oceans and hills, and in ancient skies;
Hidden in faces and pain and delight; glory is here,
And I get a glimpse of You.

In silence and prayer; in bread and wine;
Somehow the common become the divine.
You’re making me new.
I’m starting to see You.

Chorus

Glory is here

Our praises rise
Our praises rise
Whoa, whoa, yeah

Chorus

Your glory is here
Your glory is here

From here

Type ‘A’ Behaviour and Needs

Persons who generally demonstrate observable Type A Behaviour may be described as having stronger needs for self-recognition and, therefore, their behaviour and their needs would be described as following:

General behaviour
Enjoys being the centre of attention
May spend a lot of time on self- presentation
May not work well in groups, but may when it involves reporting
Tend to be dominating and controlling

At work
Tends to work better on short-term projects
May not work well in groups but does enjoy reporting
May need regular encouragement to keep interested
Excellent performer where personal skills are needed

In social life
Likes to be the centre of attention
Would probably have interests where he/she can be ‘seen’ to do well
May sometimes come across as being ungracious
Will often be the life of the party and a great entertainer
Will probably be the one who arrives last and is best dressed

In love
Needs to be flattered, and is proud and passionate
Could not handle criticism or being relegated to second place
Demanding of attention and probably domineering
Do not expect attention when this person is otherwise occupied

2 interesting things I've observed recently/has happened to me recently:
- bus stopping at every bus stop and opening its doors when there was no one at the bus stop.
- spotted two guys sleeping on cardboard boxes behind a shop in toa payoh while walking home..

Starting to wonder if i've done too much affective interventions for the day :\
had to 'hold' a crying client, then an angry client.
and during lunchtime, was listening to an angry colleague.
lol.
got quite tired after that. but still had to do work :\ and had to explain to a parent while her child was going through counselling.
oh well:\

My RO very nice :)
i think nice-ness has an effect on me :\
nice music here
-------------
just talked to a very angry student. lol

Jesus, we lift You on our praises
so every eye can see Your face
Your power and grace
reveal You as You really are

Brighter than all the stars of heaven
our worship is for You alone
we build You this throne of praise

:)

Got this from Counselling Connection
'Sometimes you’ve just got to do nothing but lie in bed in a fetal position and be a miserable wretch. Try not to spend more than one complete day doing this. After twenty-four hours of said behaviour, you should try to move a little.

----
These are often at the root of some people’s difficulty establishing intimacy. A person who has experienced a great deal of hurt as a child will often find it hard as an adult to trust their partner, however much they may be in love. Examples of childhood pain that affects adult relationships include long-term conflict between parents, physical or sexual abuse, or a loss or death that was never properly accepted and grieved.

Such experiences can lead to a child having poor self-esteem, a basic doubt about whether or not he or she is worthy of love. These doubts can be carried into adulthood, making it very difficult for the person to open up to someone else in case they are rejected and their doubts are confirmed. Intimacy does not happen by magic. It must be built up over time.

This takes some people longer than for others. Often the harder you work at intimacy, the more valuable and rewarding it is. '

hahahaha.
saw this on yizhong's blog.

A couple was having dinner at a restaurant. Then there was this chio and scantily-clad gal walking past. The husband's eyes (head didn't turn) fixed on the gal as she walked past.

After she walked past, the wife said to the husband,"is she worth the trouble you are going to get now?"

not bad. good one.

Overexcitability
'The most evident aspect of developmental potential is overexcitability (OE), a heightened physiological experience of stimuli resulting from increased neuronal sensitivities. The greater the OE, the more intense are the day-to-day experiences of life. Dąbrowski outlined five forms of OE: psychomotor, sensual, imaginational, intellectual and emotional. These overexcitabilities, especially the latter three, often cause a person to experience daily life more intensely and to feel the extremes of the joys and sorrows of life profoundly. Dąbrowski studied human exemplars and found that heightened overexcitability was a key part of their developmental and life experience. These people are steered and driven by their value "rudder", their sense of emotional OE. (seeing ur own experience put into words is a pretty interesting experience. hahahaa) Combined with imaginational and intellectual OE, these people have a powerful perception of the world. "I can hear the grass screaming when my dad cuts the lawn! I shout at him to STOP and he (again) just shakes his head. I can't bear to watch."

Although based in the nervous system, overexcitabilities come to be expressed psychologically through the development of structures that reflect the emerging autonomous self. The most important of these conceptualizations are dynamisms: biological or mental forces that control behavior and its development. "Instincts, drives and intellectual processes combined with emotions are dynamisms" (Dąbrowski 1972, 294). With advanced development, dynamisms increasingly reflect movement toward autonomy.

[on a side note:
They often can master concepts with few repetitions. They may also be physically and emotionally sensitive, perfectionistic, and may frequently question authority.
--->ha! they should have told our teachers about this :X]

ah well :)



-i have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your Word Lord i receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep
and i remember
how You found me
at the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom
Jesus You're the reason
i'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would i be
without You
here in my life
here in my life-
--------------------------------------
it's so easy to get disillusioned with the world
to have the desire to abandon it
after you see the many manifestations of the sins of mankind
and then you see the great limitations and boundaries
systemic problems
and you're fully aware that yes, you can reframe things
and you are supposed to be the one to help people reframe things
but ultimately,
so many things remain unchanged.
and of course, it's easy to say
world i don't want you anymore. 'cos you don't change.
i don't want you anymore 'cos the problem's too big for me to do anything about it.
the sentiments of many counsellors.
realizing that
'there's nothing i can do about it!'
but you keep providing hope.
you hold their disillusionment
you bear the brunt
and you keep providing hope.
and as human beings
we often ask then, who's going to hold the brunt for us?
when you hear of colleagues who're developing somatic symptoms as a reaction to their jobs, you ask. is it worth it?
the money isn't worth it.
lol.
and the disillusionment that comes along with it is strong.
thank God for God.
for being the hope.
THE hope.
and because of Him
you can then keep providing hope.

and you learn
to not personalize what you have heard.
learning to compartmentalize.
shift it aside first.
before making sense of it on a latter date.
:)
and you keep providing hope.
while wondering what sort of impact u can make at such an individual level.
hahaha :)
jiayou people! :)