i woke up this morning and realized that i missed my lit tutorial. i woke up this morning and realized that i identify with the verse in Romans. i woke up this morning and went to check out the verse in Romans.

Romans 7:18-19:
'I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out. For what i do is not the good i want to do, no, the evil i do not want to do - this i keep on doing.'

ever felt this way before? that you want to achieve something, but somehow you can't seem to reach that point whereby you can fully achieve it. Or when you don't wanna do something, you do it instead (eg. procrastination) haha. i can bring this up to a larger scale, but i think this small illustration brings out what i wanted to say.

As such, i find myself identifying with this verse as well

Romans 7:21-24
' So i find this law at work: When i want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but i see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man i am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?'

and i rejoice with Paul as he comes to the realization ...
'Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!'

I hold onto the hope and the promise that Jesus has rendered victory over sin. It's this hope that keeps me from being jaded with the world and allows me to have faith in people around me. It is this hope that heals my wounds when i'm hit by what the world throws at me. It is this hope that i find peace in when i'm troubled, frustrated and still struggling. =]

oh yes. lemme share about how interesting the world is.
the world seems to give a brand label to the topic of sex. the trivialisation of what it is, the pride of people in talking about it.. boasting about it. it's so. weird.
i was just talking about premarital sex not being good and everything on air when it strikes me that it seems as though i can only talk openly about this kinda thing with the brothers and sisters. like discuss about issues, not sexualise ur conversation.
i take a very scientific view towards the discussion of this topic (maybe 'cos of bio... lol). to clarify.

i've got a replacement sim card=] and i'm using my sister's old phone now..so u can call or sms me from now on. haha.
i went to school today not being in the best of moods. went to hq (engine bridge)and borrowed jan's (i think) guitar and chordbook to play. heh. i enjoy being able to play and sing the song at the same time:) i remember gwen telling me before that it's a useful skill to pick up..especially if u're going church planting in the future :) i can't really practice on my acoustic guitar 'cos the strings are relatively far from the neck of the guitar and it hurts like crazy when i press on the metal strings. haha.
maybe after i've saved up money for a new guitar :)
social work tutorial was particularly enjoyable. it was enjoyable 'cos of the presence of many pple i know personally. having a nice tutor was good. though social work as a discipline is quite a letdown. all the social policies and models just dun attract me. haha.
i enjoyed the unit meeting today. haha. 'cos the NUST (nus transfer, not NUS Tamar. haha) sisters joined us today:D haha. it's a joy to see youth sisters. really. especially jingting and jocelyn.. pple whom u've been in the same cg with before. haha.
i enjoyed ruifeng's testimony as well. ruifeng is a brother who achieves quite a lot in the world, having patents in USA and appearing on zao an ni hao and appearing in the school's magazine for an interview.. it always strike me as amazing how he takes insight to the different circumstances God has placed around him:)
ah. i think i shall not go on abt the meeting. haha. i pretty much enjoyed basking in the presence of God and His people. lovely. it made my whole day so much brighter :)
and speaking of basking in the presence of people.. ahhaa. looking forward to tmr as well. dinner with jiali (2nd time in the week), fire, stick, bas, jas and niee=) haha. california pizza kitchen. now why does that sound familiar? =)
...
on a totally different note.. there's mention of house today. haha. and i got reminded of the house we wanted to stay in together.. me jits qing and fungi=) hahaa. my impression of the house goes like this.. that we have a depression in the living room, whereby huge cushions are put.. i'll like to put a ledge at the living room too, with tall windows and white translucent curtains. the white curtains will seperate me from the rest of the living room. sit at the ledge to watch the world go by, think about things or just to read books or do work. haha. draw? haha. do qt.
i'm already 20. are we still having the house?
it doesn't feel like 20. i remember when i was 12, i wanted to be 24 so i cld do watever i wanna do. haha. 20 feels so. normal. i dun feel any more mature or wise than i was yesterday or the day before or the day day before and so on and on and on. haha.

- the promises you'll only make
drink up all day long and forget all about
the pressure of days
do what they say and i'll make them okay
and drive them away
the images stuck in your head-

what i want to do, i keep on not doing. what i do not want to do, i keep on doing. this internal struggle between doing what is right and doing things that are comfortable is one big struggle i'm having. circumstances didn't seem to help though. i realised a day ago that i'm not particularly well versed in my social work module.. didn't really know how to complete the social work tutorial.. as a result, i've decided to go and search up on other recommended readings for social work and also to photocopy the readings required for the tutorial.. and yet in the end, though i got my readings, i lost my handphone.

you know, losing a handphone is particularly frustrating when you have to organise the birthday celebrations for people this saturday, and you have to contact your shepherd and sheep for meetups and you have to contact your project mates for project meetings and you need your handphone for the alarm function. it is also terrible devastating when u realise that ur 42mb of photos and videos (memories from the past 8 months) are all gone in an instant.. 'cos the memory card is in the phone and the phone is gone. it hurts when you were telling yourself it's an investment when you buy the phone at $582 last june before you go over to hongkong and start snapping photos. my tutorial was at 12pm. i woke up at 12pm 'cos my mum's alarm didn't work. thank God i woke up.

-people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
they push and shove and won't bend to your will-

the sky is blue everyday when i wake up. it's a nice sight. and the sky remains blue when i'm down, or when i'm elated. sometimes i wonder why i continue to run towards Him. it's such a tiring race. it's a marathon and i've never been one who likes to go running for long distance. sometimes i limp along, yet there are people who decide to stop and even when limping, i need to pull the person along. in the race of life, in the race of life.

the world has its fair share of people. people who are down and out and jaded about life. people who settles for what they have in their lives. i see the world in colours. the world is never meant for just dark green and black and gray. it's never meant to be just as that. there're splashes of blue and strokes of pink and swirls of orange. they're there somewhere... just don't let the jadedness and disillusionment in life cover them up.

it's a tiring race. it's always easier to give up. settle for the melancholy of life. settle into your sinful nature. do what everyone is doing. be how you've been in the past and will be in the future. melt into the sea of green and black and grayness.

-the potential you'll be, but you'll never see
the promises you'll only make-

can you see the colours around that God has painted the world in? right now i may be slightly beaten from what is happenining in my life, but every morning when i wake up and see the blue sky, i get reminded of how the blue is meant to be in my life.