- the promises you'll only make
drink up all day long and forget all about
the pressure of days
do what they say and i'll make them okay
and drive them away
the images stuck in your head-

what i want to do, i keep on not doing. what i do not want to do, i keep on doing. this internal struggle between doing what is right and doing things that are comfortable is one big struggle i'm having. circumstances didn't seem to help though. i realised a day ago that i'm not particularly well versed in my social work module.. didn't really know how to complete the social work tutorial.. as a result, i've decided to go and search up on other recommended readings for social work and also to photocopy the readings required for the tutorial.. and yet in the end, though i got my readings, i lost my handphone.

you know, losing a handphone is particularly frustrating when you have to organise the birthday celebrations for people this saturday, and you have to contact your shepherd and sheep for meetups and you have to contact your project mates for project meetings and you need your handphone for the alarm function. it is also terrible devastating when u realise that ur 42mb of photos and videos (memories from the past 8 months) are all gone in an instant.. 'cos the memory card is in the phone and the phone is gone. it hurts when you were telling yourself it's an investment when you buy the phone at $582 last june before you go over to hongkong and start snapping photos. my tutorial was at 12pm. i woke up at 12pm 'cos my mum's alarm didn't work. thank God i woke up.

-people you've been before that you don't want around anymore
they push and shove and won't bend to your will-

the sky is blue everyday when i wake up. it's a nice sight. and the sky remains blue when i'm down, or when i'm elated. sometimes i wonder why i continue to run towards Him. it's such a tiring race. it's a marathon and i've never been one who likes to go running for long distance. sometimes i limp along, yet there are people who decide to stop and even when limping, i need to pull the person along. in the race of life, in the race of life.

the world has its fair share of people. people who are down and out and jaded about life. people who settles for what they have in their lives. i see the world in colours. the world is never meant for just dark green and black and gray. it's never meant to be just as that. there're splashes of blue and strokes of pink and swirls of orange. they're there somewhere... just don't let the jadedness and disillusionment in life cover them up.

it's a tiring race. it's always easier to give up. settle for the melancholy of life. settle into your sinful nature. do what everyone is doing. be how you've been in the past and will be in the future. melt into the sea of green and black and grayness.

-the potential you'll be, but you'll never see
the promises you'll only make-

can you see the colours around that God has painted the world in? right now i may be slightly beaten from what is happenining in my life, but every morning when i wake up and see the blue sky, i get reminded of how the blue is meant to be in my life.