Was just thinking about how we have the potential to attribute certain things to wrong sources (specifically attributing things to the spiritual opposition, when it could be because of unresolved things being surfaced). lol. had this thought during cg when one of the brothers was sharing about some stuff. and naturally, the first thought i had was that there was unresolved and untackled things from the past.
it's interesting :)
hmm.
think during worship after the drama yesterday, realized certain things about the whole ess process, and about myself, and suddenly felt lost. lol. and overwhelmed by that realization. and just so humbled by it. lol. and a little sad.
Haven't taken the time out to think through the whole process again. the start of ess preparation felt very long ago, even though it was only one and half months ago. guess the concept of time warps itself when things pile up. i feel as if i've been doing ess for a few months. or rather, just that i've been having rehearsals for a month or two. lol. though i feel as if i've only been working for a very short time...
i guess there're many things that could have been done better, or earlier, or more excellently. and though the product of the ess creative side seems to be alright, the creative head knows that the process had much stuff in it. the ugly sides, and the grace-filled ones.
so yup, thank God for the successful pulling off of the two esses, that nobody died along the way... and that we see fruits coming to past. and i really pray that whatever the drama has left the people with, it'll continue to plough and work in the peoples' hearts as well :)
may the impact and influence of the esses extend further than what was presented in those few hours.
may the name of the Lord continue to be praised :)

xinying. manage your expectations please :)

today we learn that usually people don't share 'cos of certain anticipations. but that itself could be a dysfunctional thought:)

and the vines start to climb

Please forgive our ignorance
In looking down on you
Please forgive our selfishness
For hiding in our pews while the world bleeds
While the world needs us to be what we should be

Woke up with this song, with the words 'please forgive...' being in my mind.
lol.
I have very random stuff in my mind at this moment I guess.
------------------------------------------
Was talking to a sister yesterday about some stuff. Same topic, but different situations. hahaa. I guess the question that we both have, was 'are we doing the right thing?'
hahaha.
are we ah?

'The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure,
who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve.' Jeremiah 17:9-10
-----------------------------------------

Saw this on Brenda's gmail subnick
"Going through the motion[s] don't please You. a flawless performance is nothing to You.' (editions - mine)
Very true! =)

guy: 'i would like to meet you outside....'
me: 'eh. it's okay la. (turns to rtc). seeya' (to self: I don't -.-)

I was complaining about this guy to someone during my supervision on friday. can't remember who it was though. lol.
school is a place for siaming.
everytime i see him, i've been cringing :X

lol.
i'm super sleepy
and i dunno if it's due to sleep debt or is a symptom of pms.

Being sensitive to the conversation flow means that I can counsel better. And that I can capture topics which are not completed (as to whether I do/should pursue the ends of the topic is another question).
Today, being sensitive to the conversation flow means that I 'siam'ed certain potential awkward moments :\ lol.
Of course, hypersensitivity to the conversation flow may cause me to over-read certain things too. so must be careful :) yes.

She takes a step
Though tentative
and steps into the space
A mellow glow
A dulled out song
A place with ribbons and lace
She twirls around
With wild abandon
Delight on her face
A sudden halt
Tripping of step
She felt a hostile gaze
And plummets down
As she remembers
She's a stranger in that place
But soon she'll join
For the step - she's taken
Her eyes, once bright, now glazed.

Recently, the anime I've been watching seems to have the theme of 友達 (tomodachi -- meaning 'friends' in Japanese). hahaha. Saki and Canaan (hmm. what's with one word titled animes?) both have that same theme.
And I guess it's a theme that's been resounding in my mind as well. hahaa :)
hmm.
Was quite tired today :) lol. didn't realize that I was tired until I started planning for the day, and subsequently carried out the plans. had a good time clarifying some minor stuff with another sister :) quite refreshing too. hahaa.
then became super awake in the evening 'cos of the tea i drank :\
and i drank tea a second time at the prata stall :\
LOL.
thanks venven for coming to find me :D

jumble jumble. hahahaa
i got lots of things in my mind that can't be expressed in words.
need to translate thoughts to words.
thank God for yesterday! ess1 ! :D for everyone who's helped out, got acknowledged (or didn't), and everyone's who's prayed for us =)
thank God for the unexpected grace moments. we were rained down in God's grace :)

this yr is a year of waiting! lol!
waiting upon the Lord for different different things.
and of love!
remaking of the understanding of love, and experiencing God's love
and of grace =)
raining down continuously upon my life :)

LOL
went to the staff lounge to take an emotional rest 'cos I knew that if I don't, the kid who comes in will dieeeeee.
Then I saw one of the teachers inside with a blanket sleeping on the sofa. hahahaa. i feel quite bad for disturbing him. rested at the tatami mat.
then two other teachers came in. lol.
ah well.
staff lounge is a nice place for refuge =)
dark and not much people :)
and it definitely helped for me to have taken tt emotional rest of 5 mins :)

i am as choleric
as i am calm and collected =)
hahahaa.

have been so blessed by the people around me =) so blessed by God as well.
makes me very thankful. hahaa. little words of encouragement, concern, or just simply being there :) some of which i've thanked, some of this i didn't have the opportunity to.
but thanks!:) hahaa.

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
and grace my fears released
how precious did that grace appear
the hour I first believed

my chains are gone
I've been set free
my God my Saviour
has ransomed me
and like a flood
His mercy reigns
unending love
amazing grace

thank God for u! =)
and thank God for the pain and the joy and the growth that comes along with u!

On the 17th of January 2009, I typed this in my blog
"Shirley prayed over me and described a picture God has given to her. She said God gave her a picture of an expressway (not the kind in Singapore), but the really long kind in other countries.. about how my future has a lot of possibilities and is very bright (didn't really understand the bright part. haha). but all God wants to tell me is to keep walking with Him, just continue walking one step at a time with Him. [at least this is what i caught.]"

Yesterday during service altarcall, while i responded to two areas in my life about shining, pastor wenan (a guest pastor from australia) prayed over me and shared that my future is very bright and that it's brighter than what i can imagine. he also shared about other things which described my situation. lol. i was like *.* and the main phrase is to 'learn to trust'. which was emphasized.
and it struck me because specifically i have an area which i kept debating with God on the area of faith. and even during worship time, the word from God is that of jeremiah 29:11.
it's the first time the same words was used in a prophesy made after a time difference of 7 months. and one of the few times that everything just came so aptly one after another after another after another.
i still need time to make sense of it, and to concretize certain decisions. but i realized quite a few things about myself today. lol

It's kinda hard to believe that I've been in the school system for a month. lol.
it's been interesting. hahaa. being part of the staff, yet not with the teaching staff.. detached, yet having to be attached to them.
and having to tease out what my work style is, what I wanna do, what are my interests, whether things sit well with me...
=)
suddenly feels very taken care of..
like for job.
and for ess.
and for cg.
hahahahaa.
and learning a lot recently about friendships. about conversations. about lack of skills. about managing expectations :)

A female's heart should be so lost in God that the man has to chase Him to find her :D

Feeling quite empowered and excited at this moment.
heee.
Talked to my p and vp today =) hahaa. Didn't know it was a work review session. Now i know. hahahaa.
it empowered me 'cos I got to share that I don't like discipline. hahaa. to share what I like and what I'm interested in I guess.
and the areas I'll be handling seems to be more applicable too =D
and it's good to discuss work timings directly :D
and good to hear that they don't want me to burn out.
wahh.
suddenly my p and vp so nice. hahahahaa

Today's an intensive day =\
Lots of emotions flying high.. lots of hidden unresolved things that were dug out.
And the need to continually provide a therapeutic environment. one after another, after another, after another.
I feel my heart racing at the end of it all. As if I've just came back from running, without the physical exercise. lol.

It's important for counsellors to SELF CARE!:D

Self-care is an intrinsic, continuous and highly important activity performed by any professional, particularly those involved in health care. Also called the 'inner therapy', this practice aims to ensure that both mental and physical health of the professional is in good shape. So why is self-care for Counsellors important? Essentially, Counsellors have a clear responsibility: their clients. If a Counsellor is not mentally and physically healthy, his/her ability to provide support to clients is limited.

So what are the strategies for self-care in the counselling profession? There are many strategies which vary according to each person's state of mind. Irrespective of the strategy being used, a Counsellor's self-care activities are in place for a single purpose: that is, ensuring daily work stress does not result in burnout.

The Problem: Burnout

Burnout is the consequence of excessive work, stress and other related factors. Although the concept of burnout can also be applied to other contexts, for the purpose of this article we'll stick to the work environment. Many people suffer from burnout for various reasons, and usually the problem is related to several prominent areas of an individual's life: happiness, health, success, and others.

"Burnout is not simply excessive stress. Rather, it is a complex human reaction to ongoing stress, and it relates to feeling that your inner resources are inadequate for managing the tasks and situations presented to you. The signs and symptoms of burnout are similar to those of stress, but burnout includes an emotional exhaustion and an increasingly negative attitude toward your work and, perhaps, your life." (Help Guide Mental Health)*

This concept is well-known in mental health disciplines, particularly counselling. For this reason, many counselling courses include the topic in their training schedule: a measurement to ensure that each prospective professional is aware of their own limitations.

Burnout in Counsellor Training: The Principles

According to Corey, "burnout manifests itself in many ways. Those who experience this syndrome typically find they are tired, drained, and without enthusiasm. They feel unappreciated, unrecognised, and unimportant, and they go about their jobs in a mechanical and routine way." (Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy)**

Counsellor education generally introduces the concept of burnout to students, aiming to provide sound theoretical material that will help future counsellors to prevent, understand and act upon such a problem. The material commonly refers to the causes, remedies and prevention methods of burnout.

Causes

As cited previously, burnout is the result of a complex human reaction to stress. Such reaction can be so diversified among people that it would require highly advanced mathematical algorithms to actually derive all the possible cause combinations of burnout, and the influence of each of these causes. However, despite the unpredictability of individual responses to stress, there is a set of causes which are common to most people:

- Performance of repeated activities over time which seem to be insignificant; - Lack of appreciation for a certain task or overall effort at work; - Strong pressure to perform at work; - Excessive conflict in work relationships; - Lack of opportunities for expression and improvement; and - Presence of unresolved personal conflicts outside of the work environment.

Recognising such causes is the first step to understanding a series of events that may lead to burnout. The next step would involve the person's particular responses to mental stress and their capability to recognise certain physical traits that could indicate over-stressed responses from the body.

Remedies

Burnout remedies for professional counsellors will vastly diverge between individuals. Resembling the causes, remedies are effective according to individual traits, particularly when referring to the level of stress each person can deal with.

Some people prefer to deal with their stress-related problems by increasing or decreasing certain individual activities, such as increasing the amount of time exercising and/or decreasing the amount of time working in the office. Interactive individuals may prefer to work through their issues with others, such as participating in workshops, consulting with their supervisors or simply allocating time to talk to a friend or colleague. Many Counsellors would mix individual and group activities to reduce incidence of stress and attempt to eradicate burnout.

Counsellors may also diverge in their perspectives towards stress and burnout. Some people are naturally passive and tend to surrender to their own circumstances, generally putting themselves in the position of victims. This assumption leads to feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, which increases the difficulty of dealing with stressing factors, resulting in either a delay in eliminating burnout, or increased intensity. However, there are also Counsellors who are proactive towards stress. Such people have a different perspective towards stressful events - they recognise the individual traits which are affecting them, and actively attempt to resolve them through a mix of introspection and scenario analysis. This approach - or active stance - is desired in order to improve stress management skills and avoid burnout.

In an industry where human relationships are so intrinsically related to work, it is sometimes inevitable to experience distress and burnout. On these occasions, it is important that Counsellors effectively remediate burnout in order to invoke balance in both professional and personal lives.

Prevention It is better to prevent rather than remediate - this saying illustrates the need for preventing burnout before it happens. Most people ignore the first signs of excessive stress, and by doing so, become vulnerable to further pressure from work. At some point, Counsellors may find it very difficult to attend counselling sessions, to get to work, and to perform in several other areas of life. Preventing burnout is simply a necessary task to anyone aiming for a balanced and fulfilling career (and life).

There are several burnout prevention principles which can be divided into three categories: physical, mental and strategic.

Physical

Stress is a pattern of physiological responses which are caused by specific events in people's lives. Such responses include an increase in blood pressure, heart rate, sugar levels and re-direction of blood flow to major organs. With such a complex set of events, it is reasonable to assume that maintaining good health will reduce the incidence of 'undesired' stress (distress). In fact, it is more than reasonable. Because stress causes such 'explosive' reactions in the body, a healthier body is vastly more capable of dealing with excessive amounts of stress than an unhealthy body.

How do you improve your health? Exercising will play the leading role in improving and maintaining a 'healthy status', allowing your body to be ready for the energy boost caused by stress. A balanced diet will ensure that the body has all nutrients necessary to perform daily activities, including regular stress-related responses. A balanced diet includes avoiding excessive intake of particular stress-related substances, such as caffeine and sugar.

Mental

Relaxation techniques such as imagery, meditation and breathing can at first conjure up feelings of inaction and statis. Music and introspection are also a good combination for improving the state of mind of a person. These are commonly used techniques, however any mental exercises that draw attention away from stressful events, and provide a 'relaxed' state to the individual, are useful. Such exercises will depend on the personal preferences of each Counsellor, and the resources that are available at the time.

Furthermore, the role of perception is extremely important in determining the health issues associated with the incidence of stress. Sometimes Counsellors perform a kind of mental 'self mutilation' in which they take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in a counselling session, or with a client. In this context, feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness will remain obstacles and can perpetuate to the Counsellor's personal life. In these instances, the Counsellor needs to re-assess their perception towards certain events: you may call it a self-directed cognitive behaviour therapy.

Strategic

Probably the most prominent cause of burnout in a workplace is the inability of an individual to meet certain deadlines and achieve particular goals which are simply impossible to achieve in the first place. Applying strategy as a form of burnout prevention means ensuring that goals are achievable.

This way, Counsellors will not put themselves under unnecessary pressure. Furthermore, strategic thinking also allows individuals to recognise their personal and professional limitations, and work effectively with those limitations in order to achieve a balanced (and successful) counselling career.

The First Steps: Shaping a Career

In the beginning of their counselling careers, most individuals are much more sensitive to burnout than experienced Counsellors. Why is that? Because their levels of anxiety are peaking as they are about to find out whether this profession is really for them, and if they can handle their clients and support them by effectively applying the theoretical concepts they have learned.

Dealing with the normal anxieties of the first few sessions is part of the process of inner development that the counselling profession requires from all its peers. The fact that it deals with human beings, which can be vastly unpredictable, will affect the Counsellor's confidence to some extent. The nature of a counselling session, which can have a major impact in a client's life, also evokes doubts in the Counsellor's mind. It is important for the Counsellor to simply recognise such doubts as a normal part of their own behaviour, and to understand the feelings which are associated with them. Beginning Counsellors can be so overwhelmed by their anxieties that they will fail to really 'see through' the situation. This inability to deal with a client could result in stress and possibly burnout.

Professional Insight: Strategies from Counsellors

There are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of strategies that can help a Counsellor with self care. Each individual differentiates in the strategies used, and the need for them. Therefore, we've decided to get a first hand insight on burnout by asking two experienced professional Counsellors what were their opinions and strategies towards the problem.

"If there are challenges at work, talking with somebody (anybody) immediately after is called de-briefing, and may result in problematic issues not manifesting within the body and causing frustration, anger, hurt, and even illness. For difficult clients, supervision is imperative to access a mind to break the difficulties into manageable parts.

Outside of work, personally, what works for me is to have a regime of care for my body by attending a wellness centre where I involve myself in a class of Aqua Fit and Yoga every week. Massage when I can - preferably once a month or even a facial is good.

Because of Yoga, I have learned the art of switching off in a meditative mode very quickly, so the minute I walk outside of work I am in another area of life (i.e. the going home mode). I look forward to time spent with family and good friends or attending a movie and eating pop corn - to me, that is bliss. Then by the time I go back to work I feel as if I've been away for a week. This works really well for me - the art of deceit of your own mind." (Kathleen Casagrande, AIPC Education Adviser)

"To function effectively as a Counsellor we need to be in good shape personally - physically, mentally and emotionally.

Given that, just like everyone else, we will have times of difficulty in our own lives, it is particularly important for us to recognise the danger signals and take action to deal with any undue stress quickly.

Like many of my colleagues I have a number of tried and tested remedies for keeping my life in balance.

A quick fix which I can use anytime and in any stressful situation is to concentrate on my breathing rhythm and deliberately make it slower and deeper.

Listening to music is a sure-fire way for me to de-stress, as are walking on a beach, playing tennis, being out on the water or getting involved with a good book.

On the subject of reading, I work on maintaining and upgrading my skills and knowledge - having confidence in one's ability is an important element in avoiding workplace stress.

And my very favourite way to look after myself? A glass of wine on a sunny afternoon with my partner somewhere by the water." (Wendy Mead, AIPC Senior Education Adviser)

Sources

*Help Guide Mental Health (www.helguide.org/mental/burnout_signs_symptoms.htm).

** Corey G (1996) Theory and Practice of Counseling and Psychotherapy (p. 44).

--------------
so......
i took the time to rest =) went to buy cat food. somehow that was very therapeutic. hahaha. i saw an extremely large alaskan husky. hahahaa. it was really very big. hahahaa. one of the shop assistants was commenting tt if the husky lie down beside the human, it'll be as long as the human being. LOL
quite cute. hahahaa.
then went to novena starbucks to reflect and rest and think and write =D
yay

I realize that reality plays are easy for me to write, but not futuristic plays. writing the futuristic play is killing me. hahahahaa.
reality plays are easy 'cos i dun have to think much. LOL
i'm super not creative, yes :P

Someone said I should put this on my blog. hahaa
Took the test again. and this time, yes! it clicked (except for the fussy about home environments one =\ i'm quite messy. LOL)

The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Was a little overwhelmed by the things I needed to do (ministry and work and taking care of things at home), and felt myself going into the absolute refractory phase where no work can be done, so I decided to take a break out and spend time with God.
Not a very long time, but praying to Him and reading His Word really strengthened my soul by quite a bit. Feels more refreshed now=) and joyful =)

From the eyes of a bear:


And so I sat
Listening to all you're saying
Watching, seeing, gazing.
Taking in the joy in your eyes
The skip in your gestures
Peering, loving, wondering.
Wanting to question, but yet not speaking
Wanting to understand, but yet not asking.
Noticing the sadness that appears at times
The unspoken longing for certain things unseen
And I desire for the impossible
Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Today I realized that my reporting officer is quite nice =) He's a very matter of fact person. hahaa. and in the previous school he had a trainee counsellor too, so he knew that i needed to have recordings and all that.
my paperwork is soooo behind time :\
met my supervisor today =) think she thinks i've very young. young = not much life experiences or interactions with people. ah well.
lots of things to do :\

ooof.
painful.

I like this poem =) Simple, but quite nice.

How many songs never sung,
poems never written,
pictures never painted,
risks never taken,
bridges never crossed,
romantic words never spoken…
locked inside a lonely heart
the prison of another's making…
are left unexpressed
because somebody
shamed us, abandoned us,
or perhaps silenced us
with a cruel word,
a thoughtless deed,
and said or just implied
we were not good enough?
And tragically
we believed them—
so let this be the moment
we choose to believe them
no more … and sing, sing, sing.

Allow God to heal your hurts and live up your potential in Christ =)
I always believe that God can make all things beautiful in His time =)

lol
why don't MOE just close the schools? :\
hhahahaa.

Feeling really sleepy now!
very cold!
hahaa
united square starbucks is very colddddddddddddddddd

You know sometimes..
when people are hurting,
and you can feel the hurt too. and yet you do not know what's going on
you can wager a guess, but then it's perhaps better not to.
and all you wish you can do
is to help to ease a little of that hurt
but i guess sometimes
the hurt is necessary to grow the person
but when the hurt's unnecessary, and due to mistaken information
or misinterpretation, that's when it's a pity to have the person experience the hurt.
but at any rate, i can't do anything much i guess
can only pray for the person
and allow God to heal the person's hurts =)
and though it feels a little painful too
there's an assurance
for someone greater and loves the person in a much much greater measure
is healing the person's hurts =)

The day before I had my first ever transfer counselling case.
Today i had my first ever referral from form tutor counselling case.
And this one was more proper! I could go by more of the proper sequence =) quite happy. hahaa.
yay
Sleepy =\
Overslept for work today 'cos have been having lack of sleep due to many things to do. So really thank God that today is more of a rest day =) but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on me=) hahaa. though i am still consistent in my energy level, it's been consistently lower. hahaa. oh dear. starting to understand more of how people stone. LOL
and i can't type anything productive or fruitful or reflective at night anymore 'cos i'll be feeling too sleepy to do anything like that. sadness!
loving the wind that's coming through the window =) loving the cool night air =)
i like silent company with people i'm familiar with :)
i like to stick to the style of typing in sentences when my prefrontal cortex refuses to do any work :)
love the prayer meet today =) God really used the prayer meet to minister, encourage and empower me. Am humbled by the prayers over me, both with huiying and minchen, and then by a sister from the youth congregation :) for the first scenario, i actually asked God for the sisters to pray for me in a specifc area and it was the first thing they prayed for me about (we didn't ask what to pray for one another 'cos we wanted to move in the Spirit, so just prayed out whatever the Holy Spirit prompted us to). second case was God using the sincereness of the sister to pray a much needed prayer over me. i was quite amazed :)
quite excited about the potential new building. LOL.
and quite surprised to receive something from someone. hee. i enjoy the friendship and the conversations!:)
hmm. and quite surprised to grow in the degree of closeness with other people as well. hahaa. God is good to me :)
lots of thoughts lots of thoughts. now i've got 2 books for reflection. my normal ministry one, and the counselling one.
can't type substantial stuff when i'm tired :\ lol

This post is especially dedicated to Rachel! =D hahahaaa.
JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU! =)
looking forward to seeing everyone in the class in NIE once again =)

Today was the first day of work =) hahaa.
Thank God for my other counsellor =) she was very nice!
met some of my potential clients today. lol.
quite cheeky. got some names, but can't match them to faces now. ah well.
there's a piano in the school! just outside the rtc room.. tempting to sit there and play. lol

Hee.
Celebrated Lynn's and Mong's birthdays today=) Feeling a little broke at this moment. hahaa. Was walking around Central when I realized there're lots of nice shops with nice clothing there. hahaaa. but yea... a little broke at this moment so will just budget all the way till next month's salary comes in. hahahaa.
They've still not called me for my wii set! hahahaa.
Was good to catch up with them =) Though I was feeling quite sleepy. hahaa. carryover effects from yesterday =) Lynn was quite sweet.. she bought stuff for us. hahaa. Said it's start-of-work gifts. hahaha
I like pleasant surprises =) hahaa. Unexpected pleasant surprises make me smile and are registered strongly in my mind. Be it an unexpected pleasant time with people, or an unexpected sms of encouragement, or an unexpected gesture of friendship. It's so much more interesting to receive these, than to receive presents or stuff on your birthday. hahaa.

Just came back not long ago from ess programming meet =) hahahaa.
we were supposed to start at 5.30pm (which i guess we did if u calculate halahala and eating time =)
and the discussion went on (amidst moving to different places and moving around) till around 4am. hahahaa. My gosh.
At around 2+ I was stoning away.. hahaa. and drawing on everywhere and doing everything but thinking about the plot ideas. thank God for the rest who drove the discussion along. It's kinda like I know I need to think, and I am not very tired, so actually I could still think, but my brain just refuses to be active and decides to be lazy. hahahaa. faints.
Oh.
And thank God I don't have staff meeting afterall later! hahahaa.
'Cos my other counsellor told me that it's more for the planning of teachers.. and since I'm there to just actually be introduced to the rest of the people =) hee. But my other counsellor is not feeling well, so she's not going tmr. hahahaa. ah well.
looking forward to this year's ESS! =D think we havve great ideas! :P
lol.

Yay. I eventually went to eat the KFC Am meal. hahaa. KFC's new list of breakfast meals =)
been wanting to do so for some time, but didn't have the discipline to wake up early. hahaha.
I got the Am meal. %5.80 for what you see in the following picture, as well as tea/coffee (i got tea:D).

It's very filling! hahaha. I ate till what you see remains in the next photo, and was quite full after that :\

Felt quite fruitful this morning. lol. read half a chapter of the textbook while eating breakfast, and finished up some of the very backdated work i was supposed to do :\
Around 10.25am, I decided to pop by the eng wah movie theatre and see if there's anything to watch ('cos i've got the eng wah movie card). lol. I think usually I'm not even awake at 10.25am. Ended up buying the ticket for Land of the lost 'cos it's the next nearest movie (11am) which I've not watched before. lol. Then i went for arcade before going into the movie theatre.
Land of the Lost is such a thrashy piece of movie. Quite disappointing, considering that I was quite impressed with Will Ferrell's acting in 'Stranger than Fiction'. ah. Got times when I laughed... or grinned.. but it's just plain stupid. Got one good point though. lol. It brought me to the land of the lost.. lost me somewhere at the start.
it's not for the kids 'cos there's a LOT of sexual innuendo (not even innuendo. will ferrell putting his hands down his pants is definitely not innuendo-ey), and not for the adults (an insult to intelligence).
Ghosts of girlfriends past is better. lol.
anyway.
waking up at 7.40am makes the day exceedingly long. hahaha.
i like!

wow the sky changed. lol.
or rather, the clouds creeped up on it.
sorry for the grills. lazy to move to the window and take out of the grills. haha. so just took frm my seat.

Waking up early to adjust my bio clock back to waking up at 6.30am. lol.
At 4.30am, I was thinking about why my body refuses to fall asleep. lol. It drifted in and out of consciousness once again.

You have never changed
Your love is endless and Your mercy has remained
through all the ages You shine
so bright
nothing can compare
You made the heavens and Your glory fills the air
through all the ages
You write the ancient skies

So instead of waking up at 6.20am (that was the alarm time I set), I eventually woke up at 7.40am (awakened by my mum shouting for my sister to wake up -.-). lol.
Felt really groggy just now... Stoned for a little. hahaa. The first thing I did was to come online 'cos I figured that i've better do something (anything) to make sure I continue to be awake and not pop back to sleep (not at least for two or three hours). hahahaa. Forcing my bio clock into a new timeframe! =)
Feeding Chi and looking at the sky helped =)
Beautiful sky today. hahaha. Just one plain solid colour.
Blue.

Was listening to 'Ancient skies' by Michael Gungor, when it switched seamlessly to 'Rescue' by the same artiste. hahaha. From his different albums. Interesting!
And the sun was contained in a dallop of bright gold on one of the hdb flats, before it spread and caressed the rest of the flats with its gentle warmth.

-i am not my own
i'm Yours alone
i am not my own-

Suddenly realized that I have tons of things to read/want to read. hahaa. I want to finish reading up my textbooks (counselling wise), and I want to read the book on crafting short screenplays that connect.. of course, I'd want to finish reading up on the counselling system in school, and I'd actually want to re-read my notes from the modules in NIE. but no time =)
heee.
Or rather, there's time, but there's a lot of things to be done too =) And a lot of things to think about =)
I think one thing I really miss about student life, is the luxury of time to just think and think and think and think and think. hahaha =D
I realize that I write better scripts when I'm alone in a dark room and having a lot of time.

-give a little time for the child within you
don't be afraid to be young and free-
hahaha
this song has been stuck in my mind for some time and it remains as one of the songs i like to listen to, again and again. for now that is =)

Went to CG overdrive at expo with huiying on friday morning =) hahaaa. We were relatively impressed when they made us a name tag for entrance into the exhibition. hahaa. As huiying puts it, it's as if technology exceeded us when we didn't notice it. LOL.
--> our tag. done within a few seconds of printing. hahaa.
But I guess that was like one of the few things that impressed us.
Think we went very early.. so it's kinda dark. And the starting gallery was kinda hard to see due to the lack of lighting. Quite sad. And when you go in, it's kinda empty. So a little disappointing =) Me and huiying were like ..ehh... what do we do ah? Go where ah? hahahaa. ah well. so we walked around.
think our first interaction with the booths was when we reached the Academy of Art University booth, when we were greeted quite enthusiastically by two quite pretty ladies who asked us what area we were interested in. hahaha. Or rather, they asked me. LOL.
I was like 'eh........ I'm just looking around.' and they were like 'oh! but you must be interested in something, or else you won't be here'. haha. which in a way, is true.. but i was interested in the shortlisted animated clips rather than course in the school. lol. so i told them animation (of which i loved to see, and have a slight interest in learning.. or rather, i have the interest in drawing. ah well.) lol.
but it was quite interesting =) 'cos they shared that you don't need to have a bachelor's in a related area to actually take up a masters in say, 2D animation. which i thought was pretty interesting :) like if you suddenly realized that you love doing game design or something, you actually switch and learn from the start, and come out with a masters in that area. hmm. the world's getting pretty flexible =D
and then huiying asked about further studies. hahaa. so after that, we cld kinda ask more things at other booths =) at the end of the day, we got quite a load of info and some interesting stuff from the booths. hahaa.
huiying bought 6 ebooks! LOL

In the end, we didn't catch the shortlisted animated films 'cos they didn't show it :P We located the tv that was supposed to show the films, but it just didn't play.
disappointinggggggggg.
but it was a great time knowing more about this area, and getting to know this sister more as well :D

Hee. Didn't have a good night's sleep 'cos of my perpectual headache through the day that lasted into the night. Woke up at 5.30am eventually after a few drifts between dreams and consciousness and took paracetamol. Had a better sleep with less drifts after that. lol.
My field supervisor called me! hahahaa.
She sounds like a nice middle aged lady. hahaha. Except that I was super blur when she called. hahaa. Think she's an early morning person? :\
Off to expo! shucks. I'm late.

I like clarity. I like it when things are nicely cleared, laid open in the open. hahaa.
I don't like ambiguity =\ Ambiguities in relationships especially bother me quite a lot =S I like it when people say explicitly - 'i want to be your friend'. hahahaha. or 'let's be going-out buddies'
it makes me very happy. hahahaha.
Ambiguities makes me want to CLARIFY. like ask 'eh. are we considered to be acquaintances, friends, close friends? or?'
ah well.
lol.
sorry. bad habit to want to give a label to things.

I realized a few things today while walking back home from the interchange...
I realized that shop and save is opened 24 hrs! so is the kopitiam at toa payoh =D
i realized that I missed walking around alone.
I realized that there are people who play with cats in the void deck in the middle of the night. haha.
I realized that there's a 24hr Indian Muslim and Thai Muslim eating place near my house.
Yup =)

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. ~Vincent Van Gogh

Recently, I got reminded about the consecration and envisioning once again.
Consecrating myself to the purposes of God and to His promises and His standards. In terms of the different aspects and areas of my life. To repent of different thoughts and attitudes or even certain emotions which I've allowed to settle in (which are not helpful to me).
Envisioning came to me in the area of service. Think sometimes I tend to tone down a lot of things, for e.g. in the areas of sharing, or serving. Hmm. I'm not exactly sure why I do that. Haha. Maybe not wanting to seem overbearing (?). That's not to say that I'm super zai or something, but I'm definitely not living up to my potential at this moment.
Probably also 'cos I'd yet to make a resolution to certain events in my life, and was still making sense of them.
But yea. Envisioning a reality that is greater than who I am at this moment, and act according to it. I may not be the best backup singer at this moment, but that doesn't mean I can't do my best to lead the people in the service to praise and worship God the best that I can. The congregation is not big at this moment, but that doesn't mean it won't grow bigger.
While serving on Saturday, I was just looking at the congregation and thinking, if I can't even help to usher the congregation of this size into the presence of God, how will I then be able to do that for a larger congregation?
If I can't even help to take care of the people in my cg at this moment, as an armour bearer, how can I then take care of my own cg when the time comes?
If I can't even take care of my own life and Chi at this moment, how can I then take care properly of a family if I ever have my own?
It's the principle of being faithful with the small things that we have, the things that we've been entrusted with, and really multiplying them. The ageless reminder that when we're faithful with little, we'll be entrusted with much.
It's not when we're entrusted with the much, then we start to live up to our potential. But rather, that we treat what we have with excellence, do the best we can with God, love God to the extent of how we know it, and 'all these things will be added to you'.
I've very amazed at how God has grown me in the area of being able to harmonize. lol.
I don't think I'm the most faithful backup singer around. I don't deliberately go and learn how to sing, I don't vocal train, I don't really take care of the instrument which I serve God with (i.e. my voice). haha. But harmonizing has always been an area which I am greatly humbled in and this leads me to depend on God.
I remember that the fear of having to harmonize always cause me to have a slight fear of being on stage as a backup singer for God. All the things about scared of losing face, scared of singing wrongly, scared of failing in this area...
I remember that this year, the chances of having to harmonize increased due to obvious reasons (i.e. split service). hahaa. faints. And how I was backup singing on my birthday.. and I really wanted to honour God and love Him by being able to harmonize while singing for Him on stage. So I prayed to God to teach me to harmonize, to help me to harmonize. I searched videos on youtube so that I can memorize the harmony 'cos I didn't know how to. and I listened to a particular video for a few hours for a few days just so I'll remember it. Hee.
And really thank God, 'cos i could harmonize during practice itself. wahhhhhh. Great relief! and great joy! Seeing the fruits of being faithful in this area was amazing.
And subsequently, I could harmonize without having to learn. hahaa. Which was even more amazing 'cos just a year ago, I can't harmonize for nuts =\
So that's a small area of breakthrough for me =)
Just wanted to testify to this =) 'cos I got reminded of the whole process while I was harmonizing for 'You are my strength' during altar call time. And I can't help but to be glad about it =)

Today me and Lingyun went to the Da Vinci exhibition at Science center =D hahaa. Lingyun jio-ed me. hahaa. Otherwise, I'd never have known about the exhibition.
Hello lingyun :D haha. I know you'll be reading this post. hahahaa.
That's the ticket and the programme sheet.
Me and lingyun =)
Our two cool tickets :D
The entrance to the annexe. hee. No photography allowed inside due to the delicate nature of the exhibition :D

Chicks which were just born today! =D We saw them on our way out of the science center.. at the discovery corner.

The exhibition was quite interesting =) it showcased Da Vinci not just as a painter, but as a genius who dabbled in different domains (e.g. mechanical engineering, anatomy, painting, sculpture..). I love his sketches of the anatomy 'cos they're very nice. hahaa. And his handwriting's very nice too. hahaa. And i like his painting, though they're just digital reproductions :D hahaa.
I do, however, still prefer Van Gogh's artworks. hahahaa.

That's the new body wash I bought =) hahaa.
Eyed it the other time while i was choosing my shower foam (I tend to try a new one everytime. hahaha), but in the end decided to go for the cheaper and safer choice - Palmolive. Some berries thing. I'm lazy to go to the bathroom and check. haha.
Yes.
So I bought this one this time =) 'cos it smelt very nice and delicious. hahaa. It really smells like a smoothie =) Actually, it smells like vanilla ice cream =) Creamy smell. It's got hyssop, almond bits and honey. As well as chemicals. But it really feels very good to bathe with it! hahaa. It smells like you're applying vanilla ice cream on yourself (though it's not as runny as vanilla ice cream). It's soap-free, so no soapy feel to it. Just feels smooth and non sticky =D ahhaa.
Makes me want to apply again and again. lol. And skin feels clean and non-dryish, not sticky either. And smells faintly of vanilla ice cream :D
Recommended for people who like their shower washes to smell nice and delicious!:D

Since I'm having regular income per month now, I've decided to do a few things. hahaa.
1) Buy clothes that I need to prepare for the working days ahead.
- I've been buying clothes from sprees, and from shops which say 'sales'. hahaa. Don't think I've purchased a lot (but since I don't usually buy a lot, it feels like a lot). hee. I think i still belong to the 'buy quality, but make sure it's not too expensive' group of people in Singapore. Spending money on clothes make me sim1 tia3. hahahaa.

2) Buy quality food for Chi. HAHA.
- Especially in terms of dry food. Hehe. Think I've not really been buying dry food for Chi (which contains a higher protein percentage=). haha. Don't think I'm a very good pet owner. hahahaa. ah well.

That's the dry food I bought in the end. Quite expensive, considering that it's only 0.9kg. I think I bought it for $20+++. lol. Usually I can get 2.5kg with that amount spent. ah well. Chi's favourite dry food was still Orijen (but I can't find it at pet lovers' centre anymore..)

3) Start a piggy bank. Heh.
Think it's good to save up money, yah? =) hahahaa. $2 a day will yield a $700+ per year. yay. Quite cute right? My pinky bank. hahahaa.

I think I should get used to doing a reflection everyday. hahaa. since it's part of my jobscope in the future to journal down my learnings and reflections, as well as to write down case notes for every case i meet in the future. Which means.. I need to start training to be diligent in journaling, journaling, and journaling =)
(at this point, I got distracted and went off to do other things O.O)
Monday was, as how Jeslyn puts it, a random day. haha. It was a day of relaxation and fun (for me la). i wanted to use today to finish some planning, but didn't get to do that. Guess (I got distracted here again. lol) I'll have to finish it tmr=)

It suddenly struck me today that I'm grieving. I've been grieving, and i'm still grieving. It didn't struck me as grief because I didn't experience the physical loss of anybody around me, and yet why certain things are happening within me (e.g. loss of appetite, lack of interest in super a lot of things, anger).
I guess it's an interesting realization. To know that it's affecting me more than I thought it did, and to know that I'm actually less immune to losses in relationships than I thought I was.
A lot of things made sense during yesterday's chat with Jan, as well as today's service. A lot of the fog was cleared away :) so that was good too.
Silly Chi likes to meow. Half the time I don't know what she wants. hahaa. A portion of the time I know what she wants, but am unable to supply it to her 'cos of lack of supply in the house =D haahhaa.

Chinese worship songs and english worship songs bring about a very different feel for me.. chinese to me feels more intimate and old-ish than english.. english brings with it a certain form of formality (though the language is evolving in my mind). hee.
Chinese worship songs help me to see the tender side of God. English worship songs help me to see the loving side of God. it's slightly different, though they can be singing about the same thing. lol.
Here's one:

And this is from the ever-so-famous youtube video.. media formed changed by yizhong=) lol. please visit the original youtube video here i love the piece =D

And the ending song which i like from K-On!=)

Went to Mind cafe with some of my colleagues today =) hee. 'cos they've never been there before! hahaha. Supposed to have 4 colleagues, but one couldn't make it in the end 'cos she was waiting for the repairmen to repair her house =) haha. poor thing.
so it was just me, daniel, luona and suriati =) but we have a special guest of honour! suriati brought her oldest son (who's in p3) :D haha.
quite enjoyable =) haha. maybe 'cos of the company. there're a few people in the class whom i really enjoy the presence of.. haha. all 3 of them belong to that category =D lol.
we played silly games. lol. i never got to play games like blokus, or citadels, or those strategy boardgames tt i like 'cos of the presence of zari (the son). hahaa. instead, we played some games and 2 hrs of singapore's version of monopoly. LOL.
oh well =)
but enjoyable nevertheless :D
went to watch 'Aliens vs predators' after tt (by myself. haha. it's good to have time alone. i like time alone =D), but it was kinda.. boring. lol. Oh. but the animation was very good.. they really paid a lot of attention to the various details..i remember being amazed at the reality of quite a few things (e.g. expression, hair, actions). the voiceovers were good too:D it's the plot la. as well as the speed of things. it's.. strange. lol.
I like B.O.B! =)

hee. I think I've done enough of slacking/reading books/watching dvds/buying items i need/cutting hair/thinking. My brain's giving me warning signs that I need to do work soon. HAHAHA.
anyway, I've finished Jodi Picoult's 'my sister's keeper' 2 days ago. hahaa. read for the 7-8 hrs straight. i've also finished the long overdue vcd Hana which was slow moving, but interesting.. 'cos it shows life with honesty. The movie's about decisions, about whether you stick to the conventional (in the movie it's the samurai way), or you choose another route, of which on the surface it seems like it's the conventional way, but actually you've chosen another way =)hee. I like it 'cos it reminds me that sometimes you don't have to break the conventional to still stick to what you believe in, but rather you swerve past it and do it in a better way. like sometimes in life, as a Christian, you have to make difficult decisions, in one sense, the world expects you to do one thing (so there's the pressure), but you, holding onto your values and beliefs, believe in doing another thing. And it sometimes seems that the only way is to break the conventional, to be totally radical, but actually there's another way of keeping the beliefs, values, showing that you're keeping them, and yet still soothe the expectations of others. it's about application of wisdom and tact =) hahaa. to me la.

Conflicts get me down quite a lot.. 'cos the church is like my second home. actually, my whole home is a little dysfunctional, so the church is where i learned most of what it means to love, be loved, and God is the father I've always wanted but never had, so are the brothers and sisters in church, the brothers i've always wanted, but never had, and the older sisters whom i've wanted, but never had.
guess i was a little tired of having to look after pple, instead of pple looking after me.
but the closest people hurt u the most.. so when there's conflict in church between me and another brother or sister, i'm quite affected by it. or when something happens to a close brother or sister in church, i'm quite affected by it too.
of course, there's always the easiest way of sweeping it under the cover and pretend it never happened =) but we all know tt doesn't solve the problem =)
it's still very tempting though.
-------------------------------------------
today we had trials, tests and temptations for unit! hahaa. the topic of the day was tt la.
today God spoke to me through the book i was reading at the hairdressers (it's a book on worship given to me by Michelle as a christmas present!=), and comforted me through the words of 'the source'. haha.
Joyce reminded us that when we go through trials, we seek for an explanation, a reason for why we go through trials, we seek to understand it.. but sometimes we'll never understand why. just like Paul had a thorn which he kept asking God to take away, and yet God didn't, but assured paul with his grace. There are trials with which we'll take some time to make sense of, or may never ever make sense of.. but the thing required of us is not to understand it (although it's good to understand why we're going through certain things), but rather, to know God through the trial, and allow God to bring us to our potential through the trial. (what i shared may not be an accurate representative of exactly what Joyce has shared, but similar ba).
it reminded me of a sister who's shared to me some stuff before. And I just hope that when the sister reads this, it'll bring another perspective to what she's going through. that God has placed this trial in your life, it's not an easy one.. but the way to have victory over it is not to give up in God and His promises. to Him, a thousand years is like a day.
i was really quite refreshed. His words didn't come in a big shout, didn't come in the midst of high praise and deep worship, didn't come when i'm on top of a spiritual mountain. yet His voice, which came at a time like this, sweetens my soul so much.

Hee. Taken at Stanley's condo's function room =) First row from left: "Rachel, Steven, Stanley, Majid, Dr Lui, Sathiya. Second row from left: "Daniel, Carolyn, Irene, Cady (who's getting married this year!), Habibah, Lynn, Raj (who so kindly got us the caterer), Mong, Kevin, Me, Bharathi, Samuel, Luona, Charlene, Suriati (who looks 27, but already has three children. lol) and Nigel (who looks young, but is actually married!). Not in picture: Hock Kheng (attending to one of his former students), Zarina (attending to her children in hospital).
lol.
Another photo :)

Dunno why we didn't bother to take away the chairs =)
I'm gonna miss them. hee.
It's been tough having to wake up early every morning.. and tough having to finish the assignments (and sleeping for 2-3 hrs a day), but it lightens my heart to see them every morning. and the class grew much closer along the way (i think module 2 on group guidance helped us a lot in breaking down barriers. hee).
And it's been good hearing from the rest of their experiences in school =) I know that it's going to be easy, 'cos the school system is not exactly the most pleasant of systems.. and i know that there's a lot of things to be done, but as what was said, knowing that we have 22 others who're of the same spirit and same situation as us.. it lends a great support to us =) and it's great to know that Dr Chong they all are protecting us for these few months when we're still on course.
got to know our individual supervisors yesterday =) mine's a lady who's been on the medical team to India, Sri Lanka and Indonesia after the tsunami in 2005 to do counselling work under International Christian Relief (ICR) In Action. hee. I googled her name. hahaha.

I thought that my sore throat was caused by the extended use of voice in the camp.
It turned out that I do have a sore throat. The pain was just previously masked by the ulcer in my tongue.
Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing - that I do indeed have a sore throat.
I've finished the book 'Marley and Me' =)
It's a good read. And relatively appealing to animal/dog lovers.
If you want to borrow it, just drop me an sms=)
Proceeding to read 'My sister's keeper' by Jodi Picoult. picked it up at KKH when I was there waiting for my scan results to be out. Picked it up 'cos numerous people have recommended it. hahaa.
ah well =)

Carrie Prejean on Fox News

Looking forward to camp tomorrow =D (though assignments are at the back of my mind. hahaa).
but yes. I will do my best for both sides.. hee.
Strangely enough, I'm looking forward to camp, not because of the activities, or because of the teachings (it's not going to be teaching intensive i heard, but more of workshops), but more 'cos of the excellent praise and worship! and the time to be with God's people=) hahaha.
can sense that the inaugural uni-ya camp is going to be quite different from the previous camps we have =) heee.
though i'm still VERY UNPREPARED (haven't pack bag, haven't set objectives, haven't even have any notion of camp), i'm quite looking forward to the things we're going to learn in camp (the workshops have very real and interesting topics=). and praise and worship practice today was excellent! hahaa.
so yes, looking forward to it =)

It's quite sad, and I hate to admit it, but my physical body is much weaker than expected.
lol.
It's reacting to the amount of stress I've been experiencing.
Emotional stressors and psychological stressors.
And now got physical symptoms to worry about.
Going for a medical checkup tmr morning =) Hope everything will be fine. hee.
Pray for me.
I've got a presentation on Thurs, and two assignments due next Monday, with a mini presentation on Wed. All unfinished =\
hahahaa.
ah well.

I'm quite tired :(
It's not easy to do heavy assignments while studying from 9am to 5pm everyday ('cos you're not awake from just 9am to 5pm. you're awake from 6.30am onwards and sleep at 2am). I dunno how Joyce manages to study her masters while working full time. It is very tiring.
Isabella dropped a bomb on the class yesterday.. asking if we'd mind having our lesson plans (the ones we're going to develop for the schools' social emotional learning programme) published. lol. so cool. but quite stressful. can you imagine? the materials you've developed copyrighted to your name and sent to different schools to use. And Isabella was also saying that assignment is one thing.. but if we want to publish it, we'll definitely need to edit it further.
but quite cool la. like I have something of my own published even before I start my practice =)
the course is going too fast! ahhhhhhhhh. lol.
one week of no lessons and one more week of lessons, then we're done :(

I like Isabella's lessons =) hers is on group guidance.. and she's provided us with LOTS of interesting ideas on different aspects of social emotional learning - which counsellors are in charge of conducting.
Social emotional learning comprises of self awareness, self management, social awareness, relationship management and effective problem solving. lol. that came from memory.
today we did a lot on self awareness and self disclosure. got to know a little more about my classmates =) can tell that some classmates are still sharing quite surfacely, but some are not =D hee.
realized also that parents' concern are really a lot on parenting and their children. a couple will usually want a child (not having a child really affects people - my deduction after hearing 3 pple share about their experiences), and parents will usually be concerned about their children, how they are, what they're doing, what they're learning about, what they know. it's interesting. lol.
so that's on the family side.
then there's the engaged couples (got 3 who're having the status of engaged-but-not-married status in my class too). Their concern are on what flat should I buy, how much, loans of flats. probably got stuff like who to stay with who also.. but recently the conversations have been revolving around the purchase of DBSS flats in bishan, toa payoh, simei and boon keng (and no, i've not checked out the news on this =\).
yea. but still got 3 singles in my class! hahaha.
so the stats are:
3 singles, (me included)
3 engaged-going-to-get-married
17 married (with and without children)
O.o

I'm going for the single-mindedness workshop in camp =) lol.
interestingly, we don't have any attached pple in class. hmmmmmmmm.

hee.
just did the career exploration thing on OSCAR. need to do it to see how it's like.. or else how to intro it while helping the students to explore their career options next time? lol
My interests profile are social, creative and enterprising. Which means:
Social - People with these interests enjoy helping, caring for and teaching and generally being of service to others.
Their motto could be: "Let me help make this world a better place for others!"
Their work could be in teaching and in helping professions or community services.
Creative - People with these interests enjoy the world of art, music or literature.
Their motto could be: "We all need far more colours and interests in our lives!."
Their work could be in art and design, advertising, entertainment, journalism, photography and hairstyling.
Enterprising - People with these interests enjoy activities which allow them to persuade, organise or influence others.
Their motto could be: "Most people value sensible advice and firm leadership!"
Their work could be in management, business, legal services, sales, public relations and marketing.

And my top 5 abilities are:
Investigative
Interpersonal
Sensitivity
Management
Language Usage

heehee. And ta-da:

List of occupations that match well with both your
Interests and Abilities.
Author
Executive, Health Promotion
Manager, Gallery / Museum

lol. I guess being a counsellor doesn't fit in totally. hahaha.
but being a counsellor fits into the list that was given for occupations that fit in with my abilities. haahhaa.
Except that 98 other jobs were also listed in the occupations that fit in with my abilities list.
hahahha.
but nevertheless, it's worth a look =) maybe i can be a manager of a museum when i retire. hahahaha.
and interestingly, my salary is higher than the expected starting salary for the role of a counsellor in the civil service sector for a person with honours. heehee. thank you God! hahahaha

=D hee.
sida introduced me to Pandemic 2.
and yay! i managed to conquer it. lol. but with explicit instructions from a comment on a site.

I got to see more sides of my classmates/colleagues today =)
hahaa. especially my milder colleagues.
was talking to carolyn today about the reasons as to why we became counsellors. think she brought up a very good reminder point .. that God has given us experiences and giftings in this area.. and to not serve Him in this area is like being unfaithful with the talents that we have.
Today I also realized that there're more people who took a paycut just to be a counsellor. hee. There're 3 former discipline masters, 2 former HODs and 1 formerly working at MOE HQ in my class. soo. well. seeing how the cap of the job is at $4000+, and how HODs usually earn at least 1000-2000 more than that, yes i think they took a paycut. lol.
quite sacrificial =)

We learned affective intervention today.
quite a scary ground to step on i think.
'cos i think transference happens easier in this context. since you're dealing with emotions. i was volunteered for the second sample therapy session using body scanning and visual imagery.
lol.
i forgot where i was and only remembered that i'm in nie b2 when my lecturer (who's my counsellor at that moment) reminded me about it. it took some time to 'come back'.
anyway, through this session, i realized that my lecturer counsels very well. hahaha. his whole tone, mannerism. very soothing. hahaha.
but he's not a good lecturer.
hahahaha

ahhhhhhhhhhh
one of my classmates just emailed me to ask if i can vet his assignment O.o
i've not even started! LOL. i just decided on the topic today. ahhahaa.
faint.
think my classmates are all more hardworking than me =) haha.
alright! i shall finish the assignment by this week. hahaa

Hehehe. My first try at Left 4 Dead today =)

Quite fun =) haha. though i can understand why people have motion sickness after that. lol.
Was just thinking in the afternoon that I lack an action game. lol. think i found my answer. though the lan shop at paradiz is horrendously priced =\

after having a sorethroat for 4 days, the sore throat kinda dissipated =)
and now i'm down with a runny nose and a scratchy throat. was sneezing away in class today 'cos my classroom's a little dusty.
and i woke up feeling quite unwell after a nap just now. very restless sleep =) lol. but feeling much better now.
this week is catchingupwithreadings week =) hahahaa.
and also starttodoassignments'cosihave3assignmentstohandinbeforeandaftercamp week.
lol.
God! preserve my body!
hahaa
oh! but really thank God that my sorethroat didn't affect my voice on saturday.. and i didn't have any other thing except for tt sorethroat on sat. hahaa. was praying to God to protect my health 'cos i don't want to be unwell while singing on stage. hahahaha

After a week of theory, we did something interesting in Dr Wong's class today =)
We finally had the chance to integrate all we've learned into practice. We did peer counselling.
lol.
it's very tiring. it's like u have to multitask in your brain and yet not show that you're multitasking. it's kinda like an intense shepherding session, but keeping structures and theories in mind, and being more mindful of your own body language, the other person's body language, your own speech patterns and the ways you structure your word, the other person's way of reply and content. and in the midst of it all, you need to evaluate quickly what the person is sharing, and form in your mind the different systems surrounding the people. you also have to make a mental note in your mind to remember what the person has said 'cos you need to write your case report after the session.
lol.
annd it's always easier to slip into the non-counsellor mode (for me la) into a i-am-your-friend mode. ahhhhhhhhhhhh
have to remind myself that i am a professional. i am a professional. i am a professional. i am a professional.
and we also have to be very aware of our own reactions (in our minds) and in our body language. need to beware of transference and countertransference issues. professionalism forbids us for counselling our own friends and family members.
suddenly seeing how broad this field can be (e.g. specializing in certain forms of counselling).

Joined the nus people at the exam hq today =) hehe.

I was actually quite surprised to see the turnout on the first day of the reading week. haha. thought there'll be much lesser people than this =) but glad that there's more! hahaa.
think i should pop by ntu hq one of these days too. . haven't had the chance to. hhaaha.
and i just realized that i have lots of readings to catch up on! the crazy lecturer for module 1 gave a few chapters per book per lecture O.o which means i have at least 12 chapters to catch up on! ahhhhhhhh

Daniel sent this to encourage us =)

“I am not made for perilous quests,” cried Frodo. I wish I had never seen the Ring! Why did it come to me? Why was I chosen?”

“Such questions cannot be answered,” said Gandalf. “You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess; not for power or wisdom, at any rate. But you have been chosen and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have.”

J.R.R. Tolkien – The Fellowship of the Ring.

Health shall be my new goal. hahaha.
spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically healthy =)
was just telling my cg pple that i was just talking to my colleague the other day, commenting that i feel ashamed for not exercising ('cos the crazy guy runs or goes to the gym for 2 hrs per day) when i listen to him talk. and he said that i should exercise.. 'cos of aesthetic reasons.
LOL
i was like aesthetic reasons. hahaa. so funny.
but upon further thought, i think i really should exercise. hahaa.
my health has to be up up up when i deal with my clients in the future =) lol

i think i may be coming down with a flu.
having symptoms of slight sore throat and blocked nose =\
coupled with the fact that i'm surrounded by sick pple in class =S

lol.
i realized that for this week,
1) i've not watched anime at all =\
2) i've been sleeping at 2am or later everyday =) hahaha
3) my auto-wakeup time is 7.10am

boundaries are very important =)
hahaha. think it's something that kept popping up and popping up and popping up in the past months.
physical boundaries. mental boundaries. emotional boundaries.
boundaries keep things safe, yet allowing for a safe gate of contact =)
some of my group people are quite close. lol. having the opportunity to share lives in the course is prob the reason why. i mean, when you discuss about life everyday, and talk about relationships with people, and even share certain problems, understandings.. important to keep emotional boundaries =) hahaa. need to keep gender boundaries too =)
------------------
as everyone in my group is married, conversations sometimes revert back to children, family life.. hahaha. so i've been getting tips from people! hahahaha. and gaining information about how it's like.
it's interesting to hear that actually having a child is really quite important to a couple. the impact of not having one, or having miscarriages, is really quite great, and possibly quite traumatic as well (especially when u have more than one miscarriage).
must take care of your bodies too =)

one thing i learned today.
counsellors need counselling too.
second thing i learned.
(can't be shared. lol)
third thing i learned.
i'm starting to love my profession more and more.

hehe.
Introduce a film to the people out there :P
The Olive Depression, directed by Joshua Lim.
It's about the weeks before a boy enters NS.
I have personally not watched the movie.. and I have not heard any reviews of the film... but i'm recommending it 'cos i know the director's father. hahahahaa. he's in my counseling class =) People thought he was mad to send his son overseas to study film making and directing when his son could have been a medical doctor. lol. the supportive father behind the son's back!=)
so yea. hahaa.
it's shown in Sinema now. Timings can be found on this website.
Realized that i've been blogging a lot about my class. it's interesting 'cos everyday i learn new things about the people in my class.. and about the school education system, and about my profession. and what to do to get myself registered as a counsellor in Singapore.
some pictures =)
My module 2 project group mates. bharathi, luona, daniel, mong, me and steven (note that everyone in my group, with the exception of yours truly, is married. lol).
ah. which reminds me. i should be doing work. i have quite a lot of work to catch up with (considering that there's no time in between lessons to study at all).

hee.
think my class is full of resources.
and the fact that we see one another everyday makes it easy for resources to be shared=) like experiences... or love.. hahaha.
experiences such as parenting experiences (everyone, but 3 of us, in my class is either married with kids or married with no kids.. of course some look like they're very young but actually have 3 kids or something. lol), experiences dealing with the prisons ministry, experiences dealing with children in school settings, experiences with girls in moral danger, personal experiences of being in gangs.. experiences of dealing with children in gangs (singapore and hongkong)..
met samuel on the bus to NIE in the morning.. and we were just sharing about why we wanted to be counsellors. lol. he used to be a pai gia when he was young.. being involved in a gang.. was not (surprisingly) involved in gang fights, but was asked to peddle drugs. but he said he was quite blessed in the sense whereby he was rather protected even when he was in the gang.. though he did take it for granted.. lol. dunno whether it's a good thing or a bad thing when he said that he came to his senses while lying in a pool of blood and looking at the sky.
but for Samuel it was a spiritual transformation. God changed his heart. lol. sorta like the ironmen as well.
so yup. my class is full of interesting people such as these.
oh. love 'cos zarina (who's a mother) woke up at 5am to bake chocolate muffins for all of us. hahahahaa.