Listening to the song on yizhong's blog. it's a rainy night and i'm feeling a tuggish-squishy-mellowy-melancholic-nostalgic bundle of emotions.
actually was just feeling quite thankful for the people of whom God has sent into my life:) little actions do count. little actions do create great impacts in people's lives. i can still remember the very meaningful pat on the shoulder in 2005 when i was about to give up, the company of the people around me when i was down and out, the small amount of time people offered to me to share in my joy, the willingness of people who walked with me when i needed a silent companion.
i wanted to do a book on all the people i've ever known in my life.. but has never started on it. hahaa. maybe i should start now:) so please don't find it weird when i take a picture of you one day :)

I think Dr Tan's worried of alarming me. haha. Though I do feel that a bit of alarming is good in my case.. since I tend to be a last minute kinda of person (recalling overnight assignments of last semester...) hohoho.
Was reflecting through and realised that I don't really dare to ask people questions (could this be a matter of pride? fear?) and usually prefer to find out the answers myself, or to figure it out, or to experience it myself and see how i react.. Think it's not exactly the most fruitful way of doing life.. since sometimes it's really good to learn from other people's experiences, as well as the fact that it's much easier to just clarify something from other people (takes a short time) versus you researching up and trying to understand it (takes a long time). overly independent (hurhur) in terms of studies is not the best way to go at times.. maybe it's 'cos i'm not used to asking people since i'm young.. since there's no one around to ask about studies and life in general from young.
God created us to be interdependent:) Need to grow in the aspect of asking and learning from others :)
I've set a dateline on myself to hand in the draft of my ism by 6th november.. hahaha. faint.
this week's gonna be really packed.. what with the preparation of 3 project presentations (this wed, next wed and next friday), preparation of cg and tgif, studying for adolescent psych (next wed) and doing up my ism (by next tues). still figuring out the structure for counter ministry (haven't met up with crystal and lancaster to discuss the structure), figuring out how to build up offering ministry... shepherdings. lala. haha. i sound really busy. guess most of the sisters and brothers will be facing the same things as well:) but i'm so glad that God has been building me up in terms of being able to plan and draw strength from Him.
on the friday which just passed, i went home feeling really drained. I was like looking at the comp and thinking of the things i have to prepare for sat and that kinda drained me out even more. haha. the thing about a weary heart producing a weary body is so so true. anyway, i was thinking about how hardpressed i felt and how i'll crumble if i just look at the circumstances alone. hoho. so i made a little prayer to ask God to renew me. renew me in the definition of the old testament.. to cause to sprout out again. to give the strength to me even when i'm running on low/near to empty. hahaa.
God answers prayers.
it wasn't immediate.. but ard 5 mins later, while i was still checking mail, i felt a change in the spirit i was having. i felt strength given to me and a soft joy rising up within me:) i was still tired, but i had the strength to carry on to complete what i needed to do.
- though the sorrow lasts for a night
Your joy comes in the morning-
so apt. haha.

i'm supposed to be collating data.. but i don't really know what i'm supposed to do:S so just compiling the stuff. lalala.
was late for today's Alive! programme 'cos i fell asleep again after replying to a few messages :( thank God for boonliong who innovated during the second game:) learned to innovate today on the spot! haha.
okay.
me and mich were supposed to drop off at singtel building for a nap 'cos both of us were exhausted after having a lack of sleep (of which i think she's MUCH MORE sleep deprived than I am.. so do be nice to her. haha). yup. we got chased out by the security guard.. so after a year or 2 of using the singtel building lobby.. we learned today that the lobby is only open to the public on weekdays, not weekends. how silly.
wanted to venture to cine to sleep, but i ended up pulling mich along for the Lime flea. hohoho:) i saw beautiful lentil beads and wirework-ed necklaces there. hahaha.
after being 'sunbathed' for a while, both of us didn't feel so tired anymore.. so off we went to look for my dress :P
blossomz has nice dresses :) hahaa. but i'm stuck between a size m and a size s (??? how odd) for the dresses:P size m is loose and size s is too tight. hohoho. and the designs i wanted dun have size m anymore.
i think shopping is tiring :(

newly named identity:
a member of east a alumni. hahaa. faint.

there are times when i wish i have the diligence and choleric-ness that some other people whom i know have.. so that i won't be stuck doing unproductive stuff (e.g. watching anime. hahaa:)
there are also times (e.g. tonight) when i wonder why i can't just do things on the computer all day long and make a living out of it (e.g. doing things on photoshop, watching anime. hohoho.)
or once in a while, i wonder why i'm not saving up for a camera 'cos photos are visual candies for me:) hehe.
tonight i was looking at my ministry (events finance) and wondering why i've put off stuff for so long:) i'm supposed to be helping to overlook the offering ministry since it split again some time ago, but have not had the time to check with the current leader how the progress is and everything. i think they probably feel very isolated. hehee. i was supposed to be planning out the new structure for counter ministry as well, but haven't had the time to sit down and decide what is really needed. hohoho.
it's never too late to start:) so i went to message and call pple up to settle some stuff. yay. thank God that He assured me once again that in Him, i can be a new creation:)
indeed. the old has gone, the new has come.
it matters not how many mistakes you've made in the past.. what really matters is the lessons you have learned from the mistakes and making the decision to turn away from it in the future (repentance:)
hohoho.

been playing around with polymer clay. yup. doing basic beads now. made a flower and a cross. experimenting with the firing of clay using my toaster oven. yup:) let's see how it goes. hahaha

Just received a call about some nokia motility/mobility (i dunno:S) showcase thing. Apparently they sent me an invitation through the email but I deleted it once I saw it was from nokia.. and since i have no interest whatsoever to purchase any more nokia phones, i kinda just deleted it away without taking a look at it. ha ha ha.
in the infant lab now waiting for someone to finish her experiment. It's really cold in here... finished watching jay zhou's 'secret'..of which the vcd was lent to me by a kind brother. hahaha. anyway, think it's quite interesting... but not as nice as i thought it wld be ?? O.o perhaps it's 'cos of all the expectations i have for the movie due to the reviews of lots of people:) hahaha. but i can say it's definitely better than 'the curse of the golden flower'.. that one was really some sort of a curse towards the director and all the crew involved in the movie. lol.
yup. watching one more episode of detective academy Q... for once i have the urge to study rather than watch anime. hope the girl finishes soon so tt i can go to hq and study =] hahaa.

Just spent an hour looking at online shops to search for something to wear to boonliong and hazel's wedding reception. hahaha. can't find anything much. think i'll go shopping one day :) anyone wanna come with me? lol.
online window surfing is actually quite addictive. not as addictive as anime though. hahaa.
was quite inspired today by pastor jo's sharing on the key to influence:) we explored the life of daniel, who was judged by others by his spirit.. and because of his spirit of excellence, caused 4 kings to vy for him to be their advisor and gave him the influence to influence four different nations.. so amazing!
yup. i was quite restless today.. so on a spur of a moment, i went to create my old plant! hohoho. simple concept. anyway, here it is:


i named it Arco Iris :) haha. copyright of singing. anyway, i've sent it in. don't think it'll get chosen 'cos it's quite amateurish, but it sure was fun creating it:) had been wanting to create things ever since i saw the polymer clay beads that were so exceedingly beautiful and exquisite. wooohoo. visual eyecandy for me:D hehe. my definition of eyecandy is quite different from most pple's :P
makes me wanna get polymer clay and create things too. hahaha.

Just finished watching the anime series called 'Mononoke' :) hahaa. Finished 'lovely complex' yesterday ('cos only need to watch last episode. hohooh.
mononoke is quite creepy. hahaha. at times anyway :) but i agree. the art is brillian. lots of colours and symbols used. quite characteristic of the style of edo wood prints :) hahaha.
yup. if you've got the time, go watch it. it consists of only 12 episodes :)

I guess we'll never know when we do things that'll touch a person or lift up a person's spirits...

Galatians 6:9 'Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.' [NIV]

Galatians 6:9 'So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.' [NLT]

I was quite surprised to receive a call at 2.15am (reminds me of what WJ said about pple calling you in the middle of the night or something).. I was even more surprised to hear who it is and what he was sharing about. In a sense, I'm really glad that we continued on with what we set out to do (having a counter retreat and getting to know each other more in the ministry) despite the low turnout. Perhaps God planned the low turnout rate so that we can minister better to this brother:)

Got reminded about how it's important to continually do what is right in the eyes of God.. and not just in the eyes of the people in this world. The brother's sharing reminded me that it's really not my reputation (or whatever other things we may be concerned about) that matters, but the soul of the person before me.

Seeing the people in the counter ministry grow more and more gives me a certain sense of joy:) Getting to know them beyond during the ministry time, but about their lives in general and their spiritual lives helps me to also slowly mould the counter ministry into one that's not just there to support the church in terms of financial things, but also a ministry that's spiritual in nature as well. We are afterall, still fighting a spiritual battle, despite the many physical items and problems we see in front of us.

Something random.. the other day, while I was taking 143 to far east to meet up with eevoon and sengkim (and another brother by the name of ben, whom I didn't know was accompanying them for shopping as well), the bus which I took passed by this condo which was still under construction. The banner, which was really big and was hung from the top of the still constructing condo, had these words on it
"All sold! Thanks be to God! - Lippo group"
You're welcome to search for more information about the lippo group :) haha.

one of the songs i've always liked:)

'You' - jaci valesquez

Who makes the sun light up my shadows when the darkness tries to follow me
Who makes the air that brings me life so I can breathe the love that's given to me
You make
everything good, everything wonderful
you grace my days and heaven fills my view
let's forever sing
You make everything pure everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
it's You

Who makes the waters of my sorrow part and leads the gladness into my heart
Who makes the rivers run that wash away and clean my soul to make a new start
You make
Everything good, everything wonderful
You grace my day and heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make
Eveything pure, everything beautiful
you make me see the only thing that's true
it's You

You hung the moon
You made the stars that shine Your light on me
I hope that all I do
Will show reflections of You

You're everything pure, and beautiful :)

Tutorial tutorial!

Trauma is really driving me... (to study? to excel?)
Mad.
It's crazy doing a test with a new lecturer.. you don't know what she's looking out for (i mean, true/false qns and connecting line qns and short answers and a half page essay is really quite vague when the lecture material is amazingly confusing. hahaha. confusing not in the scope.. but rather in its layout. For e.g. in lecture 5 when it talks about critique of trauma and PTSD, there were like super a lot of points of contention and 10 hypothesis to take note of for some cultural thing.) i seriously dun mind lecture 3's models and what nots=] at least they're more concrete to me. lol.
i was happily plotting out some evil plans until jiali reminded me that i'm showing avoidance symptoms. and yes. avoidance symptoms are not as salient as arousal symptoms for post traumatic growth.. so i've decided to be hyperaroused instead. lol. imported some new songs into my mp3 player and plugged in with my new earphones. hohoho. got my pay today for the last session of tuition.. so went to buy all the necessary things i've needed since 2 months ago. haha. i'm not rich :P need to save up for things :) and i don't feel like burdening my parents to ask for more money or whatnots.
i feel 1/8 tempted to not do my adolescent tutorial. hahaha. needless to say, the other 7/8 wins out automatically:) somehow or another, adolescent psy tutorial feels more leisurely than studying for trauma test :)

-hope which was lost, now stand renewed
i give my life to honour this
the love of Christ, the Saviour King-

today pastor Dinah talked about lateral leadership :) think it's not the first time i received a teaching about lateral leadership.. pastor ben taught about it previously in one of the combined team meetings too.
but it was different today :) previously it was more of skills and attitudes, today pastor dinah addressed common misconceptions and the important of eq. hahaa.
think i was quite inspired to continue to drive the ministry. i have the vision of expanding the ministry to 4 teams (so tt each team does once a month), with 4 team leaders and at least 2 members in each team. currently, the capacity is at 3 teams with 2 team leaders and 6 members. yup. really thank God that He always sends in a leader with a great heart to serve and sends in more members when the time is ripe. the counter currently has an excess of females.. so God sent in 2 male members. yay. i'm waiting to see more pple from the uni grp though:)
really quite exciting to see where the counter can go.. think to many pple, or maybe it's just me.. the counter really seems like just something we do? some pple may think it's not as spiritual as the pastoral ministry (well, that was my impression in the past).. some may feel that there're more 'spiritual' ministries out there (e.g. choir or backup singing..)... the truth is that everything is important in the KOG.. and how 'spiritual' the ministry is depends on how 'spiritual' u want to make it to be.. it's all a matter of ur heart. the motives and the attitudes.
really hope to build up the pple in my ministry as well.. especially since we are so closely in touch with the finances of the church. need to constantly see the greater picture of the support these finances go to.. need to strive for an excellence in the service in the ministry (which we are STILL learning) such tt we can be an asset (literally and figuratively) to the church.
the kingdom of God deserves the best. not the leftovers.
yup. lateral leadership!:) we're creative pple!

This week hasn't exactly been as fruitful as I'd have liked it to be.. For example, I've not completed my adolescent psy critique, nor have i finished studying for trauma test, which is coming up next thursday :) but i've rested quite a bit today (which is good, i guess) and though there's still a lot of things to do, i guess i'm more or less ready to face the second half of the semester (mentally and psychologically. haha)
i think i miss going down to the kindergartens and do data collection with the kids :) lol. they've gotten smarter, and slightly naughtier over the months. more fun to play with i suppose. ah well .

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Jesus, of course, was talking about coming back to get his followers to take them to be with him in Heaven.

Jesus' first coming is an indisputable fact of history. His second coming is just as certain. What isn't certain is the date of his coming. Over the years many have tried to predict that date and have fallen flat on their face. Only God knows that day.

Others have accused us Christians of being so heavenly minded we are of no earthly use. True, some people are this way, but that is when they use their religion as an escape from or defense against facing their own reality.

I appreciate what David Shibley wrote: "Remember a 'heavenly minded' Wilberforce whose passion for human dignity helped eradicate the slave trade throughout the British empire. Go to the inner city of Chicago and watch the tireless workers at the Pacific Garden Mission as they tell inquiring street people how to get to heaven while providing them food and shelter on the way. Scan the world and look at the thousands of hospitals, shelters, leprosariums, children's homes and colleges that have been built in heaven's honor. The point is obvious. Those who truly set their sights on another world are often the most active for constructive change in this one.

As C.S. Lewis suggested it is when we cease to think of the other world (Heaven) we become ineffective in this one.

i can't find my bible :( was thinking about the verse about having gift of prophecy blah blah, 'but have not love, i am but a resounding gong.' Wanted to look it up, then i realised with a shock that i've lost my bible. yes i know there's an online bible, but it's just now the same. all my penning down of questions and additional notes and highlightings... the words i treasure from my dear God... the Word of God which has greatly encouraged me, taught me, comforted me, disciplined me, gave me direction.. now i don't have my bible to hold in my hands, to pray, to flip when i'm sitting on my bed and spending time with Him.
my manual for life.. lost at this current moment.

majesty!

hahaa. this is the song which me and huili and calyn kept singing at hq today:D
really love this song! think the lyrics mirror what i really want to express onto God and what i really believe.
-every tribe and tongue, every land will sing Your praise
to the end of time, we'll sing
Majesty!-

'Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal' 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

everyday we make a choice to look towards something:) everyday we make a choice in our response to something:) everyday the Holy Spirit guides me to make a choice in my actions, thoughts, words and deeds. sometimes i listen to it.. sometimes i don't...
i think the brother in team leaders' course really made a good point:) though i've heard it before.. it still holds true:)
'do you wake up each morning saying 'good morning Lord!' or do you wake up each morning saying 'good Lord! morning :('
haha :)

-there's no escaping the truth
there's no mistaking it's You'

i realised in the afternoon, when i was heading off to science for a project meeting.. that yesterday night, i didn't eat dinner. and this morning, i didn't eat breakfast.
O.o

After a week or so of sleeping for 3-5 hours consecutively, my body could not keep up with the rate of work anymore.. this morning i woke up feeling nauseous.. this evening, the nausea came back and followed me through from clementi to toa payoh. i was supposed to have tuition tonight, but at the rate i was going, i figured it'll be safer to head home instead.
hehe:) finally, a night of rest:) ironically, the only night that i'm home before 10pm, my whole family's out on a wedding dinner. haha.
have been carrying out recordings and testings these few days for irp:) it's actually quite fun collecting the data.. hahaa. Really thank God for Dr Tan (remind me to comment on certain things later) and her lab. She's got a cool lab! with sofas and soft toys (not that i'm particularly a fan of soft toys.. but having soft toys in school really help to calm people's nerves.. especially before an experiment). haha. and she's got a wonderful corner in her room that is so quiet when you close the door. brilliant for recording people speaking!:)
there was this time during testing that a little boy and his grandmother were directed to the infant lab by an undergraduate(till now i still wonder why). the boy's grandfather is a professor and he was being interviewed for some stuff.. so they asked if they could sit at the sofa. i had the opportunity to interact with this 29 months old little boy who sang a korean song and danced for me. hahaha. i think i could see a bit of why people love infants :)
and since the boy falls in the age range that Dr Tan is looking for, i took the liberty to pass the small piece of paper about the research to the grandmother. lalala.
recently i was thinking about how social hierarchy causes a boundary to be put up between people. perhaps it's just me.. but i always have the feeling that there should be a distance kept between the lecturer and me.. and this of course includes Dr Tan.. and even the way of addressing her puts her at a level different from me - which is true in a way because of the fact that she's my supervisor and i'm not.. haha. but the thing is, it causes me to wonder if i can add her on facebook (perhaps in the future?:S) and of course, the conversation topics. like sometimes i feel like asking how her day has been and all...but i'm scared that it'll be too informal. lol. it's the title! and the setting! lol :) she reminds me of.. marlene lee. Dr Marlene Lee (who taught me abnormal psy) was really nice too. and ziwei. hahaa. 'cos ziwei is so childlike (not childish), yet so knowledgeable and wide in her field of knowledge:) but all in all, thank God for her.
don't mind me. i think about silly things :)
ohoh. Dr Tang mentioned that there might be a module called psychology in gender in the following sem. sounds good!:D haha. i just realised that my area of interest is quite strange.. gender, linguistics and developmental disorders. as strange as how my two favourite subjects were literature and biology. lol.

There're so many things to coordinate and consider in just doing a study O.o

[160907] - when my internet connection was done due to a dislodged wire.

Refiners’ fire
My heart’s one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be – Holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will

Today we had our Hope 16th Anniversary! : ) I really love this church. This group of people whom I’ve spent my JC and uni years with.. the people who taught me so much, who loved me so much, who refined me so much. The church where I’ve learned much about God, about serving Him, loving Him.. the church who’s equipped me with the skills to gain more from the WOG and helped instill in me a heart and desire to love and know Him more. Though my church is not perfect (we’re still living in the world after all), and there are times when I feel frustrated with certain systems, certain things.. I still love Hope dearly : ) We grow together, get moulded and sharpened together, and generally pull each other along over the hurdles of life and continue stumbling or running in this spiritual race set ahead of us.

Let all the people sing of
Your awesome power in all the earth
Let all the nations bow their knees
Why would the nations rage when
The King is on His throne
Now and forever YOU WILL REIGN!

Haven’t felt so exhilarated in praise and worship for some time! Though running around during praise was super amusing, it sure got people moving.. and the transition to the space before the stage rather than at the side facilitated in moving into the presence of God. Halfway through the praise and worship, I was thinking to myself.. it really is not about the music, really not about the atmosphere… but your condition of the heart with God. A worshipful heart will worship God regardless of the situations. A worshipful heart will give thanks to God, will be touched by the lyrics, ministered by the song.. simply because a worshipful heart will have been visited by the presence of God and in the presence of God, the heart bows and realizes how small it is to be loved by such an awesome and miraculous God.
If there’s one small thing I agree with Pastor PN about, it’s the thing about faith rising up from the heart, to the head, and to the hands. I think adoration of God during praise and worship happens in this manner too. The rising of awe in the heart when there’s a heart-to-heart connection, then to the mind (the understanding of the amazing characteristics of God) and subsequently an outward manifestation of this awestruck heart.. be it the raising of hands at that moment, or the diligence in serving God in the future.. it’s really an outward manifestation of an inward transformation.
JUMP conference tomorrow! I know I’ll be tired (from a lack of sleep), but I sure am excited about it!

this morning, i slept around 4++ 5am again.
this morning i got awakened around 7.57am by two things - 1) a shaking sensation 2)the door making a lot of noise. it was then that i realised that i'm experience tremors from another earthquake. probably from indonesia. the first thing i did was to open my door and off my fan (electrical power supply O.o). waking up alarmed is not a good idea.
that's when i realised that my fight or flight mechanism has already kicked in.. dilated pupils, increased heart beat, tensed muscles..
checking channelnewsasia.. it's the result of another earthquake from south indonesia, measuring 8.0 on the richter scale. oh man. can you imagine? if we can feel it from south indonesia, won't it be much much worse over at south indonesia itself?:S yesterday's night's tremors (according to reports) was also quite bad. both my parents got aroused from their bed.. one of my neighbour vomitted upon reaching flat ground. :S
and i think people are getting traumatised from the tremors...'cos it's like.. we don't usually experience it, so when we do experience a bit of it, it scares us like crazy as we do not know what's going on (alongside with the fact tt we don't know if the building can take the swaying). to us, it's perceived danger! hahaa. traumatised because we perceive it to be traumatising?:)
i hope my body can hold up today :( God, i need Your strength!

After straining my body with 6 straight hours of lessons and followup with hf, i strain it even more by finishing up allocating timeslots and drawing nonsensical stuff:)

Was reading the posts on the wall of the group that says 'Don't hate me because I'm Gifted' in facebook. haha. facebook tends to trigger off interesting comments:) I'm amused/surprised that people are still discussing about it after all these years. Actually, identifying with what one of them said 'I haven't thought of myself as a gepper for a very long time'. Yes, i know what you mean.
i think the thing about once being a gepper (it was just a programme in secondary school, to me at least) is that people assume that you're smart. I don't know how they define this. I'll much like to say that gep people tend to be off tangent in their own ways. hahaha. to some teachers, we were obnoxious, loud, rude and disrespectful. To others, they probably know us more as a fun-loving bunch of students who were encouraged to voice their views (amidst doing funny things in class). I guess along the way, the misconceived notions get wiped out, (or reinforced, depending on which batch of students you're looking at. and which teacher you talk to.)
Maybe that's when I started to feel strongly against discrimination. I remember explaining to some of the rest of the population that 'no, not all geppers are snobbish' and 'we're just normal people' and 'we study the same things... just that we have some stuff like IRS' and so on and so forth.
but other than that, we're pretty the same bunch of people as everyone else:) just nurtured in a slightly different style during the years when we were trying to form our identity. we had our share of problems (i don't know if they're exactly classified as normal.. ) and our share of fun times (e.g. soccer, basketball..). we formed groups and subsequently the groups dissolved after 4 years together.. we laugh, cry, hug, play, eat, bleed, breathe, live. and we don't study from 7am to 7pm (of which i've seen other students doing before O.o)
i think i quite enjoyed those years:) though for me, it was really a period of storm and stress (imagine my surprise when i learned that most adolescents don't have this period!), thinking back, i'm glad i went through it. being with the same 35 people from 4 years mean that you get the chance to know at least half of them pretty well.
seriously speaking, i don't think i'm gifted. i may be able to read faster, retain faster... but previous years of laziness has caused an effect on me psychologically and mentally. i've got gifted friends though:) not just in the area of study, but in the various areas they dabble in.. people who are successful in the eyes of the world. half of them are somewhere around the world. half of them in singapore. quite cool. hahaa. i'm friends with future lawyers, politicians, lots of psychologists and many people in their various areas of study.
yupyup. that's my little contribution on a long-forgotten topic.
oh!
and i've pretty much ascertained that my interest is in the field of psycholinguistics, particularly that dealing with disorders (e.g. SLI). or else i'm interested in disorders per se (e.g. down syndrome, williams syndrome). anything out of the norm interests me... especially when it affects the cognitive and behavioural component. how did i ascertain this? through my perpectually combined interest in languages, linguistics (wanting to do an english studies minor) and biology. hahaha. how do i know i'm not interested in other fields? primarily through my response towards certain modules. for e.g, i've always thought i had an interest in the clinical field of psychology.. but no.. trauma puts me to sleep. adolescent psych bores me slightly. social psych doesn't even prick my interest much. biological psych is fun, but i don't know how to expand on it.
i've not done cognitive psych.. so that'll probably be a good gauge of whether i'm really interested in psycholinguistics or not. interest does not indicate flair. let's see how it goes.
(and even as i type this, there's a part of me that's going : i wish i can just watch anime for a job. i don't mind writing up summaries for every episode and give comments and what-nots. lol)

This is an interested site --> click here .. courtesy of Dr Tan :) though i think it stresses me out just by being on the site itself, trying to write a word with the beautiful patterns and colours. Oh. but i really love the colours:)
Just as how I really love the colours on google calender (another application introduced by Dr Tan). hahaa. as well as the colours of the tabs in my firefox.
team captains' course yesterday. hohoho. i just realised that the last lesson's right smack in the middle of my exams. quite interesting i guess. 'cos previously no one has really defined team ministry for us before. yup. personally, i still enjoy pastoral ministry more than team ministry.. but i'm still glad to have the chance to learn more about the intricate workings within the church.

nature vs nurture.
another thing i've been thinking about:) hahaha.
i think the thought got triggered off when my microbes lecturer mentioned tt 75% of the students studying medicine have their own cars.. makes you wonder, doesn't it? the environment that one grows in does make a difference. the influence you get, the amount of pressure in terms of studies, the things expected of you from young, the training you get from young, the things that mould you as a person from young...
like for example, if you come from a family whereby your parents are both highly educated, there's a chance more than likely than your parents will expect the same of you.. and thus train you from young to be diligent, keeping watch over your work, instilling a sense the need to achieve higher... i'm not saying that these won't happen if your parents are not highly educated, it's just that i suppose the sense of the need to achieve higher might not be as great.. it's something desirable, but might not be something needed. and the felt need to aim even further might be even lesser if your parents are chinese speaking (?)
so all in all, it might actually boil down to SES. hahaha. okay. i went one big round to realise that SES is a good factor to consider when we look at things. bother.

oh shucks! my otah!

Haven't been updating for a while:) Can't remember the last time I've updated either.
School's been fine. IRP was coming to a small standstill due to my more phlegmatic nature (no. i don't think i'm choleric), but some hidden task-oriented nature within me kicked in after talking to steph on gmail and Dr Tan asked about my progress. ah. IRP is more troublesome than i thought it would be :) procedures are troublesome. i like to read journals. i like to read textbooks. i like to read. finito. but i don't like to use my brains to apply. what's the use in reading if you're not going to apply what you've read? LOL.
on a side note, my cat has just decided to go and sleep on her side right smack in the middle of my doorway. hmm. and she's just rolled over on her back, then subsequently recovered her sideways position and opened her eyes to look at what i'm doing. after deciding that what i'm doing is of no interest to her, she has decidedly closed her eyes once more, rolled on her back (with paws in the air) and proceeded to continue napping:)
you know. it's quite disastrous to have a goldfish in a tank (my family's newly acquired 'pet') along your corridor when you have a cat frequenting your house ever so often. i found her sitting on the floor, looking intently at the tank today. and thus, to prevent any possibility of a tragedy, i shifted a chair out, sat by the tank and proceeded to read the book i've got on loan from the clementi bookstore while waiting for the rest of the pple to show up to go for MAD (members appreciation day) together. now. wasn't that a mouthful? back to the goldfish. there were three. then 1 died. and then, another died. and this third one had no food for 6 days (though i seriously wonder if my neighbours have kindly been feeding the fish with their own fishfood) due to the fact that my dad seems to have the misguided notion that fishes do not need to eat (it could be that he's more used to dead fish.. seeing that he sells them everyday) and my mum have no inkling as to where she can obtain fishfood. due to my busy schedule and limited resources, i've also postponed the buying of fishfood till today. that's not to say that i didn't try.. i did! but the petshop in clementi didn't have fishfood. kekeke.
why am i on the topic of fishfood anyway?
goldfishes remind me of Dr Tan. 'cos she has a tank of formerly trained goldfishes in her office (formerly trained by Dr Trevor Penny to see if the fish do learn to follow light or something.. the trace of that memory has nicely eroded quite a bit). there were times within the week when i was considering asking Dr Tan if i can kope some of her fishfood to feed my poor dying goldfish which is going to starve to death soon. at some time during the week, i've also pondered the possibility that someone's gonna report us to SPCA for negligence in taking care of a pet. though i have no idea how the pet came to be, i'd guess any animal within a meter's radius of my household is automatically adopted, if not by me, by my parents, to be a pet.
i'm sleepy :)

After a few trial and errors, as well as reading the reviews online.. here's my own verdict on the Asience shampoo.

It causes dandruff. Not good for Singapore climate. Maybe it's just not suitable for me.

alternatively, Asience conditioner continues to have thumbs up from me:D

switching back to CLEAR shampoo. lalala.

You Are Likely a Second Born

At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate. At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating. When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism. In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative. Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels. You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.

The Birth Order Predictor

The results of the above quiz is pasted so as to remind us that these kind of quizzes (or all quizzes in general) can be faulty. i'm a first-born btw:)

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

hahaha

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

yay. i'm on the right path. hahaa.

You Are a Purple Crayon

Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors. You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful. People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you. And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off! Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

=] i like purple! and i dislike yellow. so there.

got this from yishyan's blog. hahaha. someone remind me to update my links soon:)

Rules: Each player of the game starts off by writing 6 weird things about themselves before choosing another 6 of their friends to "sabo". People who get tagged needs to write in a blog on their own, 6 weird things about themselves and state the rules clearly.

1) Coffee doesn't keep me awake. It makes me sleep :) haha.

2) Unlike most people, I have no particular preference for chocolates, soft toys, babies, clothes, shopping and shuai-ges/mei-nus. They just don't excite me as anime, games, sushi (:D:D:D)...

3) I like to chew on lemon slices. oishii.

4) I like the floor. I like to sit on the floor, sleep on the floor (if i'm staying overnight in people's house and there's no more space to sleep).

5) I don't watch tv. I've not watched any tv for around 1 year+++.

6) Eating cheesecake makes me depressed. I ate a slice of American cheese cake before and my emotions promptly dropped without reason before it slowly returned back to normal an hour later.

6 weird stuff from 6 ppl
Jiali, Zhen Zhong, Johnson, Zhi Chun, Shu Yi, Cindy
(dun feel obliged though:)

yay. finished. so tiring to think of things. haha

never underestimate the workings of God. and never ever think that your actions don't matter.
twice in a month i've experienced what it means to be used by God as a direct vessel. twice in this month i've seen how God's hands move to shift things into position even before we pray about/for it.
how wondrous.
-------------
oh btw, i re-realised another thing today:)
God pursues.
be careful. hahaa. the more you run away, the more He pursues.

I just took a glimpse through the very long and very theological argument on facebook between Christians and Muslims (no offense to anyone here) about what the bible says about Jesus.. specifically, is Jesus God or is Jesus not? (ah. i rhyme. hahaa). Think it's quite interesting how the greek language is even brought in by the muslims so as to bring a more accurate translation of the bible:)
think when i was browsing through the answers, what struck me was that both sides' arguments will tend to be filtered through the lens of their beliefs.. it also reminded me of the teaching on a corrupted conscience:) a corrupted conscience will corrupt the pure truth.
anyway, i think it's an interesting argument:) i'm an intellectual at heart.. so doctrines and theology appeal to me, though it seemed to have decreased these days..partly 'cos of the fact that more and more people like to distort the knowledge they have to suit their needs and harden their minds towards listening to another opinion, partly 'cos sometimes a deeper heart knowledge is needed to ascertain what is true. as joanne puts it in the past (modified by me due to a badly decayed trace of memory), she could have debated for a long time with me over the doctrines of christianity, but one touch from heaven will change everything.
i've had that one personal experience from God even when i did not believe in Him.. it was enough to convince me in my heart that He is real.

frankly speaking, sleep is more attractive to me than waking up early in the morning to go for some running thing that you've paid for:)
but we'll see about it ba. haha

on a random note:
for the first time in my life, i've got a cut on my left cheek. it's created a thick flap sort of thing in the flesh and it's relatively painful. amusingly, i don't know how i got it.
same as how i don't know how i got the 3 x 3 cm bruise on my thigh.
O.o O.o O.o

i've often mentioned that i'm a sprinter, not a runner. 'cos i can't run far distance... i don't have the stamina to continue on at a constant speed. thankfully, God also make me a walker. i like to walk:) i can walk for a few hours straight if i'm given the time to. people enjoy running. i enjoy walking. i enjoy walking more if i have a destination in mind and i have a rough idea of how to get there. walking is my way of compensating for the fact that i can't run. it's i train up patience and perseverence in a different way. swimming laps is a comfortable activity for me too.
but i can't run.
i think, in a sense, what i can do physically mirrors what i can do emotionally, mentally and spiritually. give me a comfortable task, just slightly more taxing (similar to walking and swimming) and i can go on for quite a long time. give me a more stressful task (similar to running) and i'll do exactly what it's similar to in physical terms, run away. something at the fringe of my comfort zone will thrill me. something beyond my comfort zone will still me. thank God He always leads me one step at a time:)
i spent the whole evening running away from doing IRP related stuff. small things such as coordinating with weiping about the testing, emailing raymond, thinking more in depth about the experimental procedures and what to type in the study description.. instead, i was watching anime, reading up on phonetics and the chinese IPA (okay.. i guess this is related to IRP as well. hahaa) and cleaning up my room, all the time knowing that there's something i'm uncomfortable about, yet not resolving it.
i think the thing is that my decision of wanting to do my IRP has mainly been influenced by the people and circumstances around me.. the data collection at the kindergartens, michelle, weiling and jan doing their fyp, hoping to learn more from dr tan, intrigued by isobel, jitsy and nianying's isms... in a way, the whole idea of dabbling in research appealed to me and lured me to the bait. at the start, doubts and slight fears (i wonder if other people actually feel worried and scared about doing research themselves for the first time. i would think so, right?:) haha) were cushioned and eased mostly by the ongoing lab meetings and the much appreciated guidance from steph and dr tan.. but now that i'm really starting to do more things myself, it just dawns on me that i know so little on the procedures and whatnots.
which i guess, puts me in an excellent position to learn:)
so when i was bathing just now, i was thinking that i can't just base this IRP on the interest in research due to the presence of other people doing the same thing.. i can't base it on the excitement of dr tan in the field of psycholinguistics, or the comforting notion that isobel and seokhui (teo) are doing isms as well... i can't base the desire to do the IRP on other people. i need to personalise it:) i need to think about why i wanna do this IRP, think about the implications and think about what i really want to gain out of this whole experience. Taking proper ownership over it:) just like alpha.
a new perspective. still discovering and building up my love for research :)

Today during intro to trauma class, i was thinking to myself that perhaps i shouldn't have been lazy during secondary school and jc. hahaa. seems like i was complacent in the past.. complacency which led to laziness.. which prob led to me not using my brains and refining the synapses in it.. lol. and to think that our working memory is more or less fixed when we're in secondary school. what an 'encouraging' thought.
some people like to work, some like to study. i belong to the group of people who enjoys studying. i love reading, i love watching videos, i love things that stimulate me visually and audically (not that there's such a word. enlighten me pls, as to what word i can put in here:D) books intrigue me, anime holds its bind on me, videos captivate me and stimulate me to think even more than textbooks themselves. i learned more from an example put into context and spoken to me than 2 sems of reading notes. haha.
and i was wondering if there's a job that just requires you to rate anime and rate them. hahaa. though i've the feeling i'll get bored of it.
i love bio and i love lit:) and i like stats over maths per se. so in a way, psychology in social science contains the 3 elements which hold my interest. hahaa. and i've enjoyed myself quite a lot in psychology.. to the extent that i didn't quite realize that i'm already in year 3. blah.

My eyes are fixed on You Lord...

I was feeling a strange sort of unrest, of unease, of non-stillness.. i think it could have been slightly due to my IRP (the rp system is kinda bothering me quite a bit..), as well as for the fact that my F drive has gone nuts and now i can't retrieve anything from my thumb drive (which can be quite a problem if your eprime stuff and sound files are all inside there:D). anyway, i decided to play the guitar, and couldn't really settle my heart down to do so as well. opened up the soft copy of my songbook and i asked God to give me a song that'll speak to me.. and this is the song :)

D A G D
My eye are fixed on You O Lord
G A D
Your loving face I see
D A G D
I set my heart hard after You
G A D
I’ll follow You faithfully
D A G
Each weight I lay aside
Em D A
By grace I will abide
G A D Bm
Your staff and rod they comfort me
G A D Bm
And open up my eyes
G A D
You’ve open up my eyes

A D
To see Your holiness
A D
To be your righteousness
G D A
O how I need You Lord
A D
To see Your majesty
A D
To be Your family
G A D
Oh Lord I praise Your name

i can feel the lack of time. somehow or another, even though i only have a 3 day week.. my entire week seems very packed:S travelling back and forth to meet up with people, preparation time for ministry and then to meet people and then rearrangements needed to meet up...
monday can be summed up in recording calyn, meeting xiaoling (travelling between school and hougang), running with minchen and Alive!:) hahaa. oh, for those who're not aware, Alive! is a voluntary programme organised by Gen Acts in collaboration with Beyond service center.. we plan out stuff for the kids there in 3 stages... the whole programme will last 1 year:D i'm quite enjoying it so far. hahaa.
tuesday. what happened on tuesday?
hmm. tuesday wake up, prepare teachings, prepare more teachings and meet people. and meet people. hahaha. and meet people. wellus :) then read 1 readings and nearly fell asleep at the next.
today is wed.
i realised that my wed and thurs are super packed with studying stuff. hahaa. jialat sia. it's hard for me to do ministry stuff on wed and thurs 'cos they're packed full with lectures and what nots:) and friday is prob a day for me to do up my eprime programme... of which i've not editted the sound files.. i. am. so. behind. time. whahaha.
ohoh.
i came online to share about my funny lecturer:D he's in my microbes lecture and he's super amusing. he's got super a lot of general knowledge and tends to digress greatly as he teaches, but i enjoy his lectures very much due to the fact that he appeals to my thirst in knowing more things (albeit a tad random), as well as my appreciation for humour in people:) hahaa. for an example of his general knowledge, you can ask me about it. hahaa.
an IQ question from jeekai :) there's a long bridge that can take a maximum weight of 99kg. There's a performer who weighs 97kg on one side of the bridge. The performer has 3 gold bars with him, each weighing 1kg each. If he has to bring all 3 gold bars with him across the bridge at the same time, how can he do it such that when he crosses the bridge, the bridge will not collapse from the weight on it?
:)
have fun. this is simpler than the 8 eggs and 10 pill bottles question. hahaa :)

Religion versus Relationships

"Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ who is the Head of his body, the Church."

God isn't into religion. He's into relationships. That is, he not only wants us to have a close, loving, warm and intimate relationship with himself but also with each other.

Intimacy, however, can be scary. It means being open, honest and vulnerable—not just with our thoughts and ideas, but much more so with our feelings, failures, and fears—not only with God but with at least one or a few other trusted friends.

What's scary is that if you see me and know me as I really am on the inside, you may not like me. Worse still, if I know me as I really am on the inside, I may not like me either!

However, only to the degree that I am open and honest can I ever be known for who I truly am. Furthermore, only to the degree that I am known, can I ever feel loved. If I wear a mask, you may like my mask, but I will never feel loved because my mask is not me. Only real people can experience real love. And we're not talking about the body-building TV ads that promise real results for real people. These ads are about as phony as they can get. Being real has to do with the inner self and nothing whatsoever to do with the external self.

May God help each of us to be real and become the loving persons he planned for us to be.

words, burden, ministry, people

words can hurt.
or lift people up.
the way we speak
the words we say
the impact we make
is great.

burden.
a load that the heart carries
a heart enveloped
a weight beyond what i can bear
submission to the Lord.

ministry.
a love for the people
worry for the people
building up of people
a brother dearly missed.
the joy of seeing you again.

people.
wearies me
worries me.
loves me. hurts me.

God calls us to forgive :)

saw this link on leanne's blog...
A blog about the death of a precious child
it's a blog done up by a couple who's recently sent another child to be with the Lord. I do agree, somehow their continual trust in God and understanding that God didn't make Ashley as an accident touched me.. and when you see the pictures, you start to share a bit in the pain that they experience as they send yet another beloved child of theirs off to another world. having the knowledge that the other world is a much better one, and having the intermixed feelings of joy and great grief as they've lost someone dear to them.
i don't know exactly how they feel, but as i read the blog, what came over me is a bitter grief that welled up into uncontrollable sobs... and then the beginning of a small resolution and hope as the understanding that they'll see their children again for a longer time yet in the future - in heaven.

today, me and michelle walked from bugis to 2 bus stops away from toa payoh:) it took us around 1 hour. then we took a bus up and realised michelle missed her last bus home by 5 mins. hehehe.

love is patient. so yes. i will be patient:)

we had cg today:) think today's cg is a more open time of sharing and reflecting for the past 2-3 months... i like times of reflection:) it enables pple to slow down, take a step back, get the bigger and more objective picture, learn and move on:) and in doing so, a person's character is built:)
encountered quite a few short tempers today. caused me to want to have a short temper myself. hahaa.
my stress level is going up=] it's not exactly very comfortable, but it's good for me:)

On a less moneyminded note, to kind of do something I've not done in a while due to the extra unexpected amount of cash, I went to watch a movie on impulse=] it happened at 8+pm when I was typing out the minutes and a choice was made in 15 minutes as to whether I should watch a movie or not. Armed with my wallet and my water bottle, i was on my way to the cinema 8 minutes away, when i saw the brother from adults.
I'm sorry, i have to call him the brother from adults because i can't remember his name:S
Yup:) caught up with him for a bit because I've not seen him for a few years... he was nice enough to accompany me to the ticketing booth, and then we settled at macs to chat for a bit. it was at macs, when i saw 2 other sisters from the poly group.. Ace and another sister of whom I do not know the name of:) haha. The whole world has decided to pass by Toa Payoh today. lol.
Turns out the brother saw Jitsy a few weeks back, is now studying information studies in NYP and is in Marcus' CG. After chatting for a while, I voiced the conclusion that God has wired him quite differently from me. He's interested in technical aspects of things.. whereas I'm more intrigued by colours and moldable stuff (e.g. digital media.. like adobe, flash and what-nots). Looking back, it seems as though I've judged too quickly.. 'cos it could be that we're just looking at one aspect of things:)
He decided to watch the 'Simpsons movie' as well.. partly 'cos he's not watched it before, partly to relax a bit after having 2 common tests. hahaa. Seeing that beforehand in school at HQ, I was kinda lamenting to Crystal watching a movie alone kind of defeats the purpose of watching a movie (especially so for a comedy), I thank God that He's sent over a brother for company and for catching up:)

woke up at 4am and realised that i've dozed off and ceased to wake up at 2am. haha. could hear the alarm ringing away in my parents' room as i went to take a bath. Could still hear the alarm ringing away after my bath O.o
Somehow or another, in the recent weeks, it's become clearer and clearer to me that my parents are not exactly very young anymore. And thus, in the recent weeks, the idea of saving up for my parents have kind of gotten stuck in my mind. It's relatively amusing to me when i keep receiving cash from all sorts of sources. Take for example, today at lab meeting. I went in, sat down, and promptly got requested by Dr Tan to sign beside my name to receive a small amount of cash for helping out in the first data collection. I was like 'Is that for me?' And there's another $25 next week to be collected from the computing department =) haha.
Not large sums of money, just pretty unexpected gifts of cash that were presented to me. And so, with the thought of having to save up in mind, I was evaluating to see if I would be able to survive now should my parents actually cease to be on this earth anymore (which has become more of a possibility now that my parents are aging more and more, and that my dad has recently started to forget a few things here and there. He's getting older:) Of course, the conclusion is that I can't survive on my own with my current savings. lol. Perhaps for a while, yes. but definitely not for long. Will probably have to quit going to school and work in MOE or something :)
What's the conclusion to the entire post?
It's important to save up xD

btw, instead of 'refresh'... mozilla terms it as 'reload'-ing. kinda breaks the sleekness of the whole skin 'cos it reminds me of the times when the game 'house of the dead (1 or 2)' will actually shout out 'reload! reload!' if you try to press the trigger after the shots have all been fired. lol

mozilla firefox has caused me to be very happy=) haha. all the add-ons and customizations. hahaa. and i've just realised that i can change the colour of my desktop bar:) i know i'm slow. i'm sorry. haha.
here's a screenshot of what i see now. pleasure for my tired eyes (from reading journals. xD)

will be tweaking it over the next few days:) just as how i'm packing up my desktop and my room (O.o) before school starts. the act of organizing things is making me quite delighted. hahaa.
on a side note, i don't know why people don't like the black design of ibm=] doesn't it look nice being all black and box-y? haha. it's just like a clean slate of charcoal, ready to scratched and designed. beauty of another kind:)
(and yes, i'm trying to avoid going back to Chiat. Gathercole and Alloway was of an easy and leisurely read.. but Chiat is not very palatable in the middle of the morning)

Thurs was lab meeting and outing to blu jaz=] friday was meet hweefung and read book day=] haha.
somehow or another, i enjoyed thursday's lab meeting:) i reached there slightly earlier and saw steph's car on the road along the way. went to the psych meeting room and saw that it was empty, then muttered to myself 'am i the first one here?' i got a reply from behind me 'no, you're not.'
fitriani was there before me:) hahaa. chatted with her for a bit.. i've never really talked to her before.. so it was on thurs that i realised that she's a mother (of 2, as i later learned).. whereby her oldest child is already 12 years old O.o haha. she's applied for masters in nie.. so amazing:) (let me digress for a little.. weezi's also very amazing. she's thinking of going on to masters in York as well!:D haha.)
yup. then steph came and opened the door. yay:)
as i said, i enjoyed it:) haha. i think it's 'cos for the first time, i realised that i'm doing an irp under phonological representation (was lamenting to iso that i didn't know that till thurs when Dr Tan nicely drew up that linking thing. we've decided to update each other on our research:) she's doing an ism under Dr Tsai Fen Fang.. social lab). hahaa. i've also realised that i actually do understand what Dr Tan was talking about when she presented her paper! the stuff about the infants before 10 months being able to differentiate between all the sounds and subsequently attenuating to the sounds within their language more and blah. the study steph presented reminded me of stats 2. hahaha. and i'm really glad i didn't throw everything back to the prof. hahah.
ah. but a call from jitsy, and subsequently a comment from Dr Tan caused me to realise that a lot of people are not around me in this sem.. and possibly in the next sem as well:) haha. pple such as jits (in shanghai), nianying (going off to canada?)and steph (going off to texas). actually not a lot ah. just feels strange i suppose. haha.
athifa just came back from the maldives=) and she went on a submarine trip! hahaa. beautiful pictures she was showing me.. pictures of a very very blue sea.
---
recently i realised that my way of showing love is through acts of service and gifts. haha. but i feel weird if pple keep saying thanks. so. erm. if you receive anything from me, or if you need help, just ask me. k?=]

sengkim sent me this link:)

this is the link

somehow it doesn't look very appealing at first.. but gradually somehwere along the way, it holds you in and at the end, tears which were not supposed to appear came along too.

Another lesson learned:) After recovering, give self a day or two to rest and fully recover before overexerting self again. hahaa.

Limits can be broken=]
but dun break too much of the physical limit.. 'cos ur body is ultimately the temple of God:) need to take good care of it. haha.
think i overexerted myself on sat.. when i slept for 2 hrs and woke up at 6 to send jits off.. then the ALIVE! programme.. then walked ard with the adult grp and some non adults grp pple (learned that we have a to-be-married couple in our midst !! and a super smart guy who can guess all my riddles! haha) and after that found nicholas, minchen and crystal and walked ard with them too=] then service (which was great! haha) and after that... dinner at this taiwan place, then took same bus home with john.
on sunday morning, i woke up 'not that happily' to a discomfort in my chest and a uncomfortable feeling of nausea=S when i woke up again at 9+, i realised that i can't get out of bed... too weak. so on sunday, i cancelled two appointments with pple and one tuition:S symptoms were as follows: nausea (which led to vomitting), fatigue (slept for whole day in bed), slight diarrhoea, general weakness (of the body) and lack of appetite (i ate 2 fishballs, one apple, one pear for the whole day. then proceeded to vomit them all out=D then ate a pill for nausea before managing to eat some porridge and cai xin at 11.45pm. caixin has never tasted so delicious. hahaha). tried to use the comp a few times, but attempts only left me weaker than before.. had to reply smses and what nots.. slept worrying about how to go to school to hand in my proposal form for irp.. and get dr tan to sign it. haha
thank God for michelle=] she was one of the people i cancelled the appointment with.. think she was praying for me throughout the day. haha. thanks for your prayers!
thank God for my mum too=] she was taking care of me the whole day. helping me to off the lights.. cooking the porridge for me, asking if i have fever and all that. thanks for trusting me to sleep it through too. hahaa. i really needed the sleep.
thank God for my dad. especially today.. when he sent me to school to hand in the IRP form.. and subsequently waited for me to send me back home. was still weak from being sick.. taking the nausea pill doesn't hide the fact that i haven't eaten anything much in the past 36hours. my body was breaking out in cold sweat just by walking from Dr Tan's office to my dad's lorry. haha.
thank God for hweefung too. the second person whom i broke an appointment with. cldn't meet her up today either 'cos of IRP form handing in, most resting and alpha prog celeb. haha.
and thank God for Dr Tan. haha. think she's very accomodating and reassuring=] thank you for being so reassuring! (though you prob won't see this. haha)
yup.
loved the ESS on saturday. the skit.. think zhichun and guanrui were really brilliant in their acting.. dorling and serene and joshua were great as supporting actors and actresses.. weilong was great in his mm editting, jiadai was great in her floor managering and i/c of the whole ess, zhenzhong was great in his directing and recording, hongyao was great in his recording and derek was great in his song writing! hahaa. the two songs sung in service were both written by him! (lyrics and tune=D) it was hilarious, with a pinch of a serious note. very entertaining. very class=] thumbs up to u all! xin ku le!
loved the ALIVE programme too=] could see everyone working together.. even though everyone's a volunteer.. everyone still put in a lot of effort to make the first session a memorable one. was quite surprised by the kids as well=] they're surprisingly responsive to us. hahaa. my group was in charge of 4 kids.. but only two (khairul and ramadan) turned up. khairul is super friendly.. haha. ramadan is a bit quieter=) but the reception was much warmer than expected. haha. i think something which really stuck to us was when we told the kids that we'll see them in a month's time.. and some actually replied that we (the volunteers) 'won't come back one'. guess it's really true that they may be sick and tired of volunteers who go there once and then disappear for the rest of their lives. the Alive! progamme seeks to debunk that.. to be there for one entire year. let's do our best for these children!=] and invest our lives in theirs.. such that they can do the same to others as well:)
- it only takes a spark, to keep the fire going-
alpha programming celeb=] i echo bowen's thoughts ba.. wishing that it was a deeper and longer time of sharing. but yup.. hope to have the chance to serve with you all again (timothy, ellson, huanyan, bowen, ruixia, venetia and joyce lim:). really enjoyed the time.. haha. and really learned a lot from each individual... and about myself as well.
heh. (and only God will know the full extent of what this 'heh' actually comprise of. hhaha)
oh yes. thanks to ellson for treating! lol.

today is an interesting day=] today we went to ntu for filming! haha.
Got the chance to know a few ntu brothers and sisters a bit more.. people like wilson, manmi, johnathan, hongyao=D hahaa.
probably left them with the impression that nus sisters are mad. oh well=]
first time walking nicely around ntu's north and south spine. hahaa. why is ntu so nicely decorated? haha. while nus looks quite like a university...
first time eating at Quad's (issit spelt this way?:)
first time filming at an ntu busstop..
first time standing in the middle of the road to read a book. hahaa.
quite excited for ESS this sat=] hope all goes well!
may the name of the Lord be glorified=]
---
then had cg meetup with dai for some sowing stuff. and subsequently went up mount faber to The Jewel Box's altivo bar with joyce to join jitsy and her cg for her farewell=] the scenary was really beautiful.. haha. appreciation pleasure=] something which is unexpected suddenly awes you.. and stirs up an appreciation within you=]

i feel tired. haha. think it's the alcohol.
plan. type. plan. bathe. sleep.

there's something within me that's stirring up emotions.
a beyond within me that is hard to put into words. a gentle swirl of emotions evoked when i saw the dead cat on the wet grass beside the road. when i heard about a sister from sengkim. news that shocked and stunned me.

ohoh! I realised something else these days=]
Realised that I've got a lot of seniors/schoolmates around me in Hope. hahaha.
let's start with JC!
In descending order of age...
NYJC (first three months) - Jan (didn't know him in JC), Zhenzhong (chinese society senior! haha. thought he'll deny it:P) , Carrie (bball senior!), Bowen (eh. indirect bball senior? 'cos guys team:S) , Jessie (same class in first three months. LOL).
VJC (after first three months) - Timothy (when I went in, he was already out), Swee Leong (same thing as Timothy), Joseph (used to meet up once a week. Can't remember for what le), Jitsy (lalala).
NYGH - Jiadai (one year older), Jitsy, Guanzhen, Ziwei (junior from gep), Ruisi (junior)
Poi Ching primary - Eng Hao (1 year older! hahaa), John (same year school mate)

Actually, I just knew about Eng Hao a few days ago, when we were going back home from Alpha camp. He knows Xuanrong (headprefect of the yr before mine, as well as being in wushu with me as well)! hahaa. so strange. hahaa.
Interesting, ya?=]

Been slightly behind time for my IRP. gotta hand in proposal by end of month and I've yet to do it up=] haha. then have yet to finish reading my dear beloved journals as well. And now there're 2 more journals for me to read 'cos of a lab meeting with this professor from another university next thurs noon. i feel a bit funny being the only undergraduate to be in the meeting. somehow i keep wondering if i'm supposed to be there. hahaa. In a way, i guess i've been given a lot of opportunities to know much more about this field (the field of psycholinguistics) and be able to expose myself to different people involved in this field of research. really thank God for this opportunity. haha. but on the other hand, i sometimes wonder if it's all too much for me. lol. i mean, going for the same lab meeting as ur lecturer to listen to another lecturer about her research in the field of psycholinguistics is kinda odd when you're going to attend the lecturer's module next semester and you have not even taken the core module of cognitive psychology (which is what psycholinguistics is based on). And i think I'm supposed to present on my IRP topic some time in september to the people in the lab meeting. the thought of it is not exactly very comforting=] hahaa. dr tan grinned happily when the thought of it crossed her mind though. lol.
gotta really thank God for how far He has brought me through to=] from promos in J1, to A levels in J2, getting into NUS psych despite my interesting grades and now being involved in research and having the chance to dabble deeper into the field... God, You're really bringing me into unknown zones which I myself do not even know if i can go into. haha. and all of a sudden, the difference between the modules in year 2 and year 3 is so wide! haha.
i'm entering year 3 with much anticipation, fear and trepidation. waiting upon God to see how He's gonna bring me through (think it'll be quite interesting:D)
yup. coming to the end of the holidays=] all the best people=]

Alpha is officially over. 4 sessions and 1 camp. over. and as venetia says.. there doesn't seem to be a finale in the heart. there isn't a finale in my heart as of yet either.. though slowly, gradually, yes. i understand. it's over.
as timothy puts it, sowing will continue on. but alpha.. it really is over.
somehow or another, i still feel as if we'll be having 9am meetings that last till 4pm.. the typing out of minutes in Tahoma font size 10, the preparing for things on friday before the sessions, the various phonecalls made in the middle of the night to settle things around.. the smses from timothy or ruixia or venetia or joyce to discuss about stuff. the gathering of people to come out with new and innovative ideas. the fellowship that comes with it. the meeting together in the programming room, preparing things, feeling tired, frustrated, yet having the joy to go on, encouraging one another, getting to know one another.
the sustenance by God throughout the late nights and early mornings (or in the event of no sleep at all), the ideas given by God at 3+ in the morning due to a change of plans and withdrawing of people right before Prison break even when we've reached the brink of fatigue, the reminders by God to the moulding of character even when the body feels tempted to sin...encouraged by sisters and brothers who slept for less than 2hrs in 2 days, have another camp after this, have diarrhoea and still continued to host excellently for God...
to reminisce of all these.
i thank You, my dear God.. for this rare chance.

some photos taken by venetia:)

From left: Venetia, Me, Ruixia and Joyce(Lim)

From left: Huanyan, Bowen and Timothy

=] the programmers! technically ellson is also inside.. but poor ellson is stuck in his job. hahaa.

-When i look into Your holiness
when i gaze into Your loveliness
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
when my will becomes enthralled in Your love
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
the reason I live
Is to worship You-

worship, ascribing worth unto God.

speaking of temperaments, recently i redid the temperament test. just for the fun of it. and my results showed that i'm a sang cho instead. i hereby conclude tt the test is not very accurate=] because i dun think i'm choleric.
haha=]
i'm so looking forward to alpha camp! hahaa. looking forward to see the activities unfold, to see the plot unfold, to see the lives unfold=] looking forward to the enjoyable time of games, of joyful fatigue, of thoughtful reflections, of sharing lives together=] quite proud of the alpha camp. hahaa. 'cos it contains the elements of an orientationg camp (with the sincere intention to allow the freshmen to get to know each other and the seniors), yet among the rara-ness, there's also the element of thought, whereby together we can consider about some questions about life=] therein lies the element of something that's deeper than mere games and chatting. not saying that games and all that ain't good.. hahaa. it's just that if it's all there is, then it's kinda shallow, ain't it? =]
using activities to fill up the hole in the heart... then at the end of the day, when the activities end, all things remain the same. for temporal stuff can never fulfill the eternal need we have.

koped from zhenzhong!

Let's share a few interesting things around my life these days=]
1) Alpha Session 3
- OOh. I love this session! hahaa. Love the game (of getting KiaLokes to be in Asia room to guide the teams through the phone to form a map of the prison. whaha)
- I love the sharing by Claramae! Lots of stories, examples, analogies=D

2) Jitsy on the train to Woodlands.
- This silly girl. heard the ringtone that goes 'I'm gonna give you Gatsby... Gatsby...' from another girl on the train and formulated the idea of asking the girl to bluetooth the song to her. In the end, she really asked the girl! haha. the girl's quite friendly=) and guess what? the interesting thing is.. she got the ringtone by asking someone on the train to bluetooth it to her too!
Maybe this can be a new form of advertisement=D

3) Sleepover at yengyong's house with jitsy, yingxin and of course, yengyong. lol.
- We watched Paris, Je t'aime in the middle of the night. Not a good choice to watch in the middle of the night.. 'cos need to figure out what each short story is sharing about. OOOH. but i love the way they shot it and the presentation style. so brilliant!
- Breakfast buffet in the morning was not as exciting as it sounded. haha. but it's the company which perks me up=D

4) Combined team rally on sunday.
- I love the praise and worship! the gathering of believers enthusiastic for God and His purpose!

5) On the bus back home on Sunday.
- Went on the bus, and was asked by the bus driver if I know Chinese. LOL. apparently there're people who didn't where exactly they wanna go, and they speak in Chinese.. the bus driver was an indian (chinese-nonspeaking one..). so i became the interpreter=)

Yup. that's all=]

I think we're much busier during the holidays than during school term=] It kind of trains you up to be more and more diligent.
I've realised a few things about my working style ever since last semester. Self-awareness i suppose. Knowing myself so that I can be more effective in serving God - sober judgement of my weaknesses and strengths.
I realised that while I'm more effective doing things individually than in a group, I am even more effective doing things in pairs than individually. And it'll help if I can constantly communicate with the person (e.g. talking) 'cos talking helps me to organise my thoughts and having another person doing it with you reassures me.
IRP is kind of throwing me off my track. haha. Got an email from Dr Tan and I haven't replied her 'cos I don't know if my study is on track or not. Feels a bit lost 'cos I haven't really concretize my methodology for the experiment. And yet i have the feeling i can concretize it in one day if i really sit down and read and think about it. However, I've not finished reading my journals.. so if I go and do the experiment now, it may be a waste of time 'cos I didn't even concretize my exact objectives in mind. hmm. On one hand, I don't want to miss out on this pool of people and the chance to just integrate my study into already-done experiment. On the other hand, I'm not prepared enough to tap on this pool of people. In short,
I'm kinda lost. XD
And i just remembered a journal i need to read for the lab meeting. hoohoo. talk about being scatterbrained!
Oh by the way, I realised that (realised this some time ago) that I have a spectrum of behaviour for stress.
Mild stress (to me, my definition of mild stress and others' definition may be slightly different. haha) --> Hyped up. Challenge.
Moderate stress --> Zonk out. Distract self. Run away.
Extreme stress (e.g. tmr need to hand in report, today haven't do) --> Chiong. Do things quite effectively. But will die the next few days. hahaa.

so actually, mild stress is good for me. LOL. okay.
goodnight=]

in the words of Dr Tan:
'Just realised that it's already the end of June… argh'

argh indeed.
just finished watching naruto (the first series) episode 19. SO SAD.

Seems like we're supposed to post the answers to the questions in the 'true friend test (which is kinda biased.. hahaa. but yup)'
Here it is! (it's kinda strange doing this, yah?)
1) Which one of these ccas was I never in before?
Ans: The answer would be swimming. hahaa. I was in table tennis in P4 and 5, was in basketball and band in the first three months.

2) What are my two favourite characters from the Winnie the Pooh cartoon?
Ans: Tigger and Eeyore. Tigger 'cos he's orange and he's bouncy and he takes things in his stride. Eeyore 'cos of his melancholic nature and his endearing look=]

3) When did I first start wearing specs?
Ans: 4 years old. Sad thing ah. Kindergarten photos show everyone without specs and me wearing them. hahaha:)

4) Which bible character do I find myself identifying the most with?
Ans: hehee. A lot of people chose Peter. Why? hahaa. I identify the most with David. His songs of praise and worship towards God mirrors what I would say. His heart after God is what I want to emulate. His love towards people is what I wish to grow in more and more each day as well.

5) What is my language of love?
Ans: A lot of people chose words of affirmation for this. haha. I have two equal languages of love. touch and quality time:) surprise surprise. yes i know. Words of affirmation make me feel somewhat uncomfortable =] ha ha ha.

6) When did I start loving psychology and want to study it in uni?
Ans: Sec 2 xD Because of some show I can't remember now. hahahaa.

7) What is one instrument I've always wanted to learn since young?
Ans: The piano. Will try to learn from classmates about how to play the piano.. not the scales, but just how to play certain things. I love the sound of the piano. It did change to violin though, after I learned that my mum used to be a violin player...haha. Surprisingly, I can't sit through recitals. but i do enjoy watching anime with classical music. hahaha. depends.

8) What are three of my favourite fruits?
Ans: They're all yellow=] Lemon, mango and pineapple xD And no, yellow isn't my favourite colour.

9) When I'm shy or tired, I...
Ans: Become very quiet. Unless I have to talk.

10) What are my favourite colours?
Ans: Pink, purple and orange. the order changes. currently I prefer purple. There was a period of time which i preferred orange. depends=] but it revolves around these three colours. hahaha.

yup. the end.

Another thing which God reminded me about during Alpha.
the story of Nicodemus, a teacher of the law.
He knows a lot about the old testamant teachings and its prophecies, but he did not have a personal relationship with God.
let us continue to not just know more (in terms of knowledge and experience) in our heads, but know more in our hearts as well.

during worship today, the words 'God has set eternity in the hearts of men' kept coming to mind.. and when Jasmine spoke, she shared about God putting eternity into our hearts as well.
the verse itself:
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

God has set eternity in the hearts of men.. that's why men strive for things greater than themselves. things which are beyond what they see, things beyond what they can normally do. Beyond ourselves. Beyond the time we're limited by. A stirring in our hearts to do more..
Yet even as God has set eternity in our hearts, we're limited. We're limited by the works of sin.. the circumstances we find ourselves in, the limitations of our human body, our innate sinful nature that's been with us ever since we're born. there exists the constant struggle which lies between the hope for eternity, and our limitations.
And as human beings, we really do tend to look to the physical. When circumstances go bad, we doubt. When things don't go our way, we question. When situations get tougher, we run away. When the questions get too hard, we look for an easy explanation out. And we slowly cover the eternity set in our hearts with the limitations we possess, then we slowly melt into a sluggish blob of mash, instead of being the vessel which we can be in Christ.
And we forget that our destiny is in Christ. That we can be victorious in Him. that we can do much more when we let Jesus be at the steering wheel instead.
When we are weak, then we are strong.. because of we have an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-living God.

'lovely complex' is nice:)
it's more for girls though. hahaa.
a bit shallow. but quite funny.
cheers me up on thoughtful nights=D

Recently i got too used to the sleeping at 4am, wake up at 10 or 11am routine. So when i slept at 4+am, and had to wake up at 8+ today..i really struggled. i was happily zonked out=D awoke at 9.30am in the end, washed up, changed, grabbed my sermon notebook and went out of the house at 9.50am. Thank God for fresh morning air:)
i was super exhausted for the whole day. haha. but thank God that it wasn't during the times when i had to serve. while doing infocounter, i was relatively awake... hahaa. then when i went for lunch, i started to be sleepy again:S drinking coffee doesn't help:P it caused me to fall asleep while sitting upright.
ohohoh. but today was quite an intriguing day:D first time i saw nexus filled with so few pple. so quiet! so strange. hahaa. nevertheless, really quite amazed at the pple who came for service (even though their caregroup pple are like overseas and all..) these people had the desire to worship God for who He is, regardless of whether their cg members are there to prompt them. having the conviction which prompted them to love God even when no one is there to see. i thank God for these people:) got some pple came at the wrong timing though. haha. so poor thing.
i got to see lots of kids! hahaa. 'cos they were having hopetots at europe room..then they ended earlier than the adults. hahaa. you see small little human beings (around the age of 2) walking around.. playing in front of the mirror, falling and crying (:S), messing up bulletins:D saw sophica again! (the child of the hope germany couple.. issit hope germany.. hmm) caught her wandering ard the counter, picking pamphlets up and throwing them all over the floor. hahaha! so naughty! lol. then subsequently she fell onto another toddler. literally squished her happily XD before that she was lifting up the flap of a pram, then the toddler inside pulled it down again. so it went on. up, down up... then wander off.
seeing toddlers elicited a desire in me to want to experiment on them. hahaha!
oh oh! i made a new friend with the philipino group pple:) her name is Fiona. she's 15 months old and she pronounces her name as Iona. She decided to emulate Sophica and throw pamphlets on the floor too=] hahaha. but she's so smart! i waved to her, she waved to me. then i clapped and she clapped. and we clapped in turn to the praise song. hahaha. delightful:)
[mental note: at 1 yr 3 months, some babies dunno how to pronounce the sound of 'f']
i read somewhere that 'Father' is the gentlest name for a guy... think i saw lots of fathers today=] it's like mori senpai with honey senpai on his shoulders. he can look dao.. or aloof.. but when the 'lovely item' is on his shoulders, it softened the whole outlook. the amazing thing is, i saw more fathers carrying childen today than mothers. maybe 'cos it's father's day. haha.
i'm not particularly a lover of children:) but these toddlers perked my day. haha. their antics entertain them. i think if i have a child, i'll be laughing at him or her all day. poor child:P LOL

i'm sending my laptop for repair. so sad.
=(
supposed to send u today..but the thought of kinda put me down. hahaa.
no la. just lazy to go to sch to send it for repair. tmr:P

Today i met up with Dr Tan in her office to discuss about a possible IRP topic. She's very nice.. going through with me the possible things I can do.. as well as when i can conduct the experiments and all. I came out thinking 'what did I get myself into?' =S=S=S lol. shucks. i really don't know what to do.. haha. i work better alone.. but i think i work better alone when clear guidelines are already given. haha. i guess it'll be a nice challenge=D but i'll need help. do help me. wahaha.
This week is a week of meetups=] Tiring on the body, tiring on the wallet, but refreshing to the soul=] haha. Update another time ba. and i seriously think my laptop needs repairing le. so sad.

An excerpt from an email from Dr Tan:)

We are looking for healthy volunteers aged between 18 and 89 years old, who will be willing to take part in our research study involving language and cognition. You will be asked to do some simple reading tasks and cognitive tests. You will receive $20 for your time and effort, and sessions can be held at your home. Interested volunteers are requested to email Geetha at psygv@nus.edu.sg or call 6516 5000.

Please help. hahaha. thank you=] it's not easy to get subjects. By the way, Geetha might even be willing to go down to your house i think. If she asks how you know abt the experiment, you're welcome to say you got it from my blog. LOL. kidding:)

the bottomline is, help=]

kekeke.


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