there are times when my heart is full of praise songs.. times when my heart is full of rock songs.. times when my heart is full of slow worship songs..
i'm used to all these timings :)
today my heart sang a new song. it sang an instrumental piece :) a gentle and kind and defined and resounding high-noted piano piece.
A bit like this one:



but a more lighthearted song :)
----------
and brother, glad to hear from you :) thanks for updating me. hahaha. hope that the two of you will continue to spur each other on towards loving each other more and loving Christ!:)

So now I am standing at a crossroad of sorts. or perhaps i've been standing at a crossroad of sorts, but have not realised the position i am in due to other distractions..
in any case, now that certain distractions are gone, i realise that i'm standing at a crossroad of sorts. looking at scenario a or scenario b, what should i do? what should i focus on? where should i go? what can i learn out of this?
haven't continually sought God for all these.

-for the world will fade away
still my soul to You remains-

it's a gentle wind that blew yesterday night
a gentle coolness that permeates today
and hopefully a gentle desire that'll carry me through tomorrow.

i feel that i have lots to think about, but i do not know what i'm supposed to think about. hahaa.

-you're free to dance
forget about your two left feet
you're free to sing
even joyful noise is music to Me
and free to love
'cos I've given you My love
and it's made you free

free from worry
free from envy and denial
free to live, free to give, free to smile-

experiencing the kindness of God makes the world a much softer place than it really is :)

sitting in the national library makes me want to get a book and just read the book instead of doing work:) or read the textbooks that i have... something to do with cuddling up in this chair and reading something. hahaa.
i miss free days in my week :)

-As little children,
we will dream of Christmas morn
and all its gifts and toys
we knew we'll find
but we never realised
a baby born on Christmas night
gave us the greatest gift
of our lives-

songs bring back memories:) this song brought back the memory of the sec 4 girls' cg's ecg when they performed the song in the tampines RC. 'O mighty cross' brought back memories of the first CG at ang mo kio ministry house, where Junting led worship in one of the small rooms.
Was reflecting back more on the camp.. most people learned many things out of it. I think for me, I felt encouraged and empowered, besides learning much about other people as well. Think God really showed me things about the people around me in the camp.
So here comes the list of thanks:)
--------
Thank you for making your way down to the bbq. I vividly remember how in 2005 you shared about funneling people to the other stations of life so as to build up the ministry strong. And that vision/notion stuck to me. I sincerely believed in the importance of funneling people as well..but along the way, i grew disheartened, discouraged, disillusioned, disappointed.. along the way, i grew proud, selfish, hardened.. and i questioned that notion. i questioned if it's the right way of doing things. i questioned about God's sovereignty in this. I questioned about His purpose for me.
but along the way, I discovered answers, i saw God's hand moving in ways i didn't expect, i got humbled, i learned. and i'm still learning.
i was really touched when you remembered me though:) thanks for taking note of people's lives.
holistic caring. influential people.
--------
And thank you too. Thanks for your sacrifices, your love for the ministry, your constant service to the Lord. You might not know it, but twice in the camp, the words you said sparked areas which I've allowed to dull. Areas which can potentially serve God in a greater extent, but i've let circumstances and nature take over it and just let that dream/area lose its shine.
thanks for your words which greatly encouraged me and empowered me!
---------
thanks too to you:) got the chance to know you a bit more these days. somehow had the chance to talk to you a bit more when previously, i don't really talk to you. lol. got to find out a bit more about your family..
got to realize that you're actually quite cheeky and playful (sounds like i'm describing a child). thanks for teaching us how to play on a bbq pit with firestarters. hahahaa. and with tissue papers.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
-----------

I'm having camp withdrawal symptoms:)
talked to Dr Lynette Tay today.. apparently she's quite interested in the fact that I'm doing RA work and has done an IRP with Dr Tan before.. lol. first time i got commended by someone for having done an IRP. so funny :)

So in the end, I managed to do the first 11 items on the list

1)Article from Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings.
2) Doing up of presentation slides for SW presentation on Tues. Doing up of transcript for exchange for presentation on Tues. Presentation on Tues
3) Lab assignment due by Monday 10am.
4) Lesson 4 homework for Japanese tutorial (12pm, Monday)
5) Prepare for programming tutorial on Wed.
6) Do up japanese script for TB with JK.
7) Study for pediatric psych test (thursday 4pm)
8) Lesson 5 homework for Japanese tutorial (4pm, Wednesday)
9) Study for vocab quiz for Japanese TB tutorial
10) Memorize L4 and L5 dialogue for TC tutorial (Friday, 12pm)
11) Study for lecture quiz, L6 and L7 (Thursday, 12pm)

And didn't manage to finish the lab. hahaa. i kept getting stuck in the loop. first, the number printed infinitely in increments of double. then i managed to get it to stop printing infinitely and stop before the user-given limit. then i managed to get it to print in increments of its multiple... but it will only stop a bit after its limit. i tried to make it println itself upon reaching a number of values displayed in a row, but the result tt came out was amusing. okay. nevermind about it:) i shall go figure out even more after the camp.

presentation on tuesday was good:) our lecture cum tutor was like 'please give them a big round of applause for a job very well done'. hohoho.
TC was good too! LOL. though i only roughly memorized the script.. thank God that I'm always one of the last few to be called, so when other pple are rehearsing their parts, i can memorize more concretely on the spot! ha. the greatest compliment came when the sensei said that my speaking skills were 'yi desu ne'. and she gave me a clap. LOL. but she says i need to memorize more. LOL 'cos i didn't quite follow the script. hahaa. (e.g. i missed out the あのうin the front. LOL.)
but dunno why she's so impressed with the line i added　（じゃ、渋谷の電車わ何番線ですか。） after having a 行きません　to my statement of 'すみません。この電車わ渋谷へ行きますか。(found in the textbook).
maybe 'cos no one else went to add that line? hmmmmmmm.

hohoho. i did the nested code before i did the outside code and i deleted the nested code accidentally. and now i don't remember what the nested code is about. LOL

This song has been in my head for the past week. haha.

I answer the call, hearing Your voice
Down on my knees I make the choice
To humble myself and pray
No matter the cost, paying the price
Lord I will give the sacrifice
To humble myself and pray

I will pray
And seek Your face
I will touch You with my worship
I will pray
And seek Your face
When I touch You virtue flows
Healing my soul
-----------
No more camping on the porch of indecision
No more sleeping under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
but dreaming's not for me.
-----------
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
-----------
looking forward to the camp tonight:)

hehe. i think the above is pretty cool:) First heard it on dennis' blog... watch the video (first one on his blog..). i think the video is cooler than the mp3 itself :) hahaa.

In an attempt to distract myself from studying about recurrent abdominal pain, i have stumbled onto an interesting appeal for applicants for the testing of a certain it-must-not-be-named. it amuses me greatly and reminded me on the night of cny visitation at guan's house. LOL.
and i sincerely thought that he was kidding when he mentioned that this company gives out surveys. alas.

ah. the sound is back again, even with my fan off :S
LOL
at least now i can turn on my fan again. hahaha.

it's really a bit freaky to hear loud weird noises coming from behind you at 2am in the morning. dunno where those sounds came from. i was thinking it could be due to my poor fan being stuck in the same position for some time. it's a sort of a loud squeaky kind of noise. which occurred every 5 seconds or so. i off-ed the fan and now it's gone, so maybe it really was the fan.
hahaa.
my eyes are tired. and my brain is floating in liquid (as always, trying to form new connections or strengthen old ones..
regretting taking japanese a little 'cos of the amount of time needed to be spent on the module.. as well as the unencouraging grades on my vocab quizes. LOL. enjoying pediatric psych a little more 'cos of the things i learn :) enjoying social work a bit more 'cos of my group.. hahaa. okay.

When I watched D Gray Man episode 70, something resonated inside me as Allen Walker thinks through his answer to Innocence...
I don't have demons to fight for. hahaa. I don't have Innocence.
but we're engaged in a spiritual war which is still ongoing in the spiritual realm, as well as being manifested in the physical, emotional and psychological realm.

"... the only things precious to me were the demons...' - allen walker

2 Timothy 2:4 "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer."

when i was young, while i was being persecuted by my parents because of my faith, i
remembered making a promise that i will continue to walk strong in Christ. Pleasing God was the top most priority on my mind. I will grow. I will ensure that my actions follow what I've learned. Things that are hard, i will change. I will persevere and endure. I will pray for people. One man's action can advance the whole Kingdom of God. One man's decision can do likewise as well.

'.. and yet, I lost sight of that...everyone shone so brightly that it made me lose sight of the other things i cherished" - Allen Walker

i like to invest in people. there's a strong conviction within me to see that investing in people is more important than anything else. sometimes i may feel tired and not feel like investing in people anymore, but ultimately, it's my heartbeat to invest my energy in people. i like to know people. i like to appreciate each different individual (though sometimes i may be frustrated with some of them). i like to impart. sometimes, even as i run the race, in my want to pull people along, i slow down. i pace alongside. and i forget about the race. i forgot that we each have a race marked out for us to run (as claramae shared).

"both are me. both matter" - Allen Walker

Mark 12:30-31: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than this."

'mini skirt la, super mini skirt la
for who? for me?
for your grandmother?
for the sake of attention seeking..'
- Quoted from my social work lecturer. With bouts of laughter coming from my lecture mates.

A bit sian diao when people don't get the puns mentioned. it really decreases the level quite a bit. such a nice pun somemore. sigh.

This is something I learned today from the bus151 forum!:)
"For instance, each time you board the bus, the server recognizes that the bus has one more passenger (+1), each alighting passenger will -1. So for a typical bus capacity of 80(?), by the time say the counter for that bus reaches +60, the system will think that the bus is reaching full capacity, and will call for the next bus to depart from terminal to save the rest who are stranded. However, for each alighting passenger who doesn't tap out, the counter doesn't change (0). The system will still think the bus is packed even when physically it's not. It's further aggravated by the fact that 151 serves many schools, means there are more concession passes, who might not tap out. So adding the peak hour jam explanation in the quote above, quite easy for me to understand why 4 buses can come back to back, with the last one really empty. When the peak hour really stretches, that empty bus which is supposed to leave later would have traveled half the journey, so the terminal would be short of bus, causing a delay in the original frequency. Then causing a further delay when the next available bus comes, people tap in but not tap out, system thinking bus overloaded, system brings next bus forward, short of bus, frequency delay, ..."

Wow. Didn't know such a system exists. so cool.

Perseverance must complete its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Persevere on!:)
がんばります！

I like this song :)

Sometimes i really prefer to do things myself. hahaa. Be it in the area of conducting experiments (either on children or adults), or in the area of completing assignments. 'Cos when you do things yourself, you can set the time yourself, you can complete it yourself without having to listen out to another person, wait for the other person's reply.. the group can only go as fast as the slowest.. and when you alone form your group, you control the speed it can go at.
So maybe it's a control issue.
hmm.
but two can help each other along :) hahaa
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they
will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly
broken"
Ecclesiastes 3:9-12 :)

As I was saying, I'm procrastinating :) I love the picture on shirley's blog.. (she koped it from somewhere else.. hahaa). Here it is:


I have to research an article from a journal which illustrates eating disorders in children in the asia context.. and do up the slides and possible conversation for tuesday's presentation. lol. and tons of other stuff. lol. i shall type it down to ease my cognitive load.

1) Article from Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings.
2) Doing up of presentation slides for SW presentation on Tues. Doing up of transcript for exchange for presentation on Tues.
3) Lab assignment due by Monday 10am. Did the first part last Monday.. can't do the second part until yesterday's lecture 'cos they only taught it yesterday. lol.
4) Lesson 4 homework for Japanese tutorial (12pm, Monday)
5) Prepare for programming tutorial on Wed.
6) Do up japanese script for TB with JK.
7) Study for pediatric psych test (thursday 4pm)
8) Lesson 5 homework for Japanese tutorial (4pm, Wednesday)
9) Study for vocab quiz for Japanese TB tutorial
10) Memorize L4 and L5 dialogue for TC tutorial (Friday, 12pm)
11) Study for lecture quiz, L6 and L7 (Thursday, 12pm)
12) Lab assignment to be handed up before Sat 2pm.

That's about it :) That's for this week! :)

Can't finish. hahaa.

[Image courtesy of Hazel. Artwork from the NUS Museum. All editing done by Owner.]

On Tuesday, we went to Hazel's house :) technically it's hazel and boonliong's and hazel's parents' house 'cos hazel and boonliong's house is not ready yet.. but well. haha. life is short. it's good to simplify things to make our job easier <--- what my japanese lecturer likes to say. hahaa.


Steamboat. New Year goodies. Bratwurst sausage. Chicken wings. Satay. Red wine. Angbao. Photos.
:)

ah. finished the reversenumbers assignment whereby we have to split a four digit integet into its numbers, then reverse the whole number.
but now i've got a problem... what do i do with a number ending with 0? lol.

In the end, no attendance was taken. Answers to lab0 was briefly shown and since it was already uploaded on IVLE, it's terribly useless as well. At least the TA is a nice person:)
The CNY mood has just settled on me despite the festival having started since last Thursday. Therefore, at this moment, I'm more in the mood to talk to people, watch anime, read psychology readings and watch movies. Anything other than facing DrJava.

This morning, after i gave morning calls and replied some smses, this verse came to me:)
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation" - Psalm 5:3

And when i checked it out again tonight 'cos i never got about to sending this verse to my two morning callees, i saw what was before the verse:) check out psalm 5:1-2..
"Give ear to my words, O Lord
consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray"

and the psalm goes on:)

After watching sweeney todd on thurs, i can't help but be reminded of another movie i've watched before.. Dancer in the Dark, directed by Lars Von Trier. hahaa. i borrowed it from the esplanade library before.. having watched two of the director's films - dogville and manderlay. Deryuan first introduced us to the director.. and i quite like his style. hahaa. some people don't..
but do try watching 'dancer in the dark' :) it's really good:) it's clean. except for a last scene, which happily rendered it a r21 rating due to the violence portrayed (of which the violence is not that of slashing of throats.. u'll see what i mean when u go watch the movie). i loved it because it's a musical :) and bjork was brilliant in the movie. lol. she brought out the subtleties very well..
And the song of the same title aptly describes what goes on in the plot..

"Dancer in the dark" - The Rasmus

Fate Lies ahead
Like the Sun will Rise
The Light has been gone
Far to long from your eyes

But you never changed
Never played your part
And you have erased
All the fear from your heart

And tried to forget

The light in your eyes is fading out
Nights falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark

You've seen it all
You dont mind going blind
You've seen it all
All the wonders of Life

Run to your boy
Dont conceal your scars
Run to your boy
And let him feel your love

Before it's too late

The light in your eyes keeps fading out
Nights falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark

Your sight is dying but you keep on trying to save your boy
You keep on lying but your false illusions will be destroyed

You heard it calling, but you turned your face, never played your part
Your heart ain't singing, but you dance away like a falling star

Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
--------
A segment from one of the many songs in the movie: (after she killed someone)

Time, it takes a tear to fall
A heart to miss a beat
A snake to shed its skin
A rose to grow a thorn
Its all the time that's needed
To forgive me
I am so sorry
I just did what i had to do
------------
oh. i got reminded of this movie because it's of a similar genre --- musical.. not because it's also about revenge. haha. new found admiration for tim burton's directing and renewed admiration for johnny debb's acting.

To prance, to spring, a dance in the air
the light twirl of a cotton string
--------
happy birthday guan!:)

I'm either
1) having half fleshed out somatic symptoms
2) still reacting to the big cup of cafe mocha I had at starbucks last night.
had quite an insomniac night.
not as bad as a few mins. but i keep waking up every 2 hours feeling very alert. o.O maybe i should have woken up to go study or something. haha.

charmed :) guys wearing shirts dancing on the stage with sharp moves .. suave. hahaa.
>.<


林俊杰 - 杀手
词:林秋离 曲:林俊杰

绝对的完美一双手
不流汗也不发抖
交叉在微笑的背后
暗藏危险的轮廓
在你最放松的时候
绝不带着任何感情就下手
从来不回头

开始的感觉 不会痛 不会痛
放大的瞳孔 就像作梦
幸福的错觉 很温暖 很包容
也许还期待
这是致命的冲动 你不懂
我不懂
究竟杀手为什么存在
因为爱 还是未知的未来

Chorus:
心情放松摇摆
在你三百米之外
N > ayez pas, n> ayez pas, n> ayez pas peur
(Do not,do not,do not be afraid.)

数着心跳等待
所有念头全抛开
锁进来 进来 这美丽的悲哀
这是爱 就是爱
全世界都不明白
Qu, est-ce que c, est?Ce>la vie.C> est la mort
(What is this?This is life and this is death.)

心情放松摇摆
在你三百米之外
感觉饥饿难耐
需要你填满空白
锁进来 进来 这美丽的悲哀
这是爱 就是爱 只有你明白
-----
songs should be sexy :D

And here I am.. typing an entry while the rest are outside.
Feeling quite sleepy 'cos of a lack of sleep.. but i got to know my relatives a little more this year!:) hahaa. quite delighted in that aspect.
shall go back out again.

my first lecture of 'human development over lifespan'. the lecturer's quite funny. no. i didn't siam lecture for 3 weeks.. i missed the first 2 'cos i never thought i'll take this module.. missed the third 'cos of quite a bad headache.

'that's where the magic is.. but i fail to be a magician.. that's why i'm standing here.' - lecturer.
hahaha.

it's like a revision of what i learned in developmental psych :) hahaa. pple like piaget, erikson, vytgosky.. are already familiar characters in my everyday life. lol.

i watched forrest gump for the first time yesterday :)
i like forrest gump :)
i like his simplicity, his ignorance, his unwavering love, his faith in God, Mama and Jenny. i like his character and i like his firm hold onto what he believes.
Check out here for some quotes from the movie :)

Stupid is as stupid does.

The producer is brilliant too.

A recent trend of thought. Relationships have been on my mind. It could have been the fault of the continuous talk about this area since exam period... I could probably attribute it to the relationship essentials seminar we had recently.. it could probably be due to the focus of the service for these 2 weeks as well. whatever it is, it's a trend of thought that's been influencing my train of thought. i'm curious to find out about my own relationships, as well as others.
as such.. the things that i do, the questions that i ask, the stuff that i write.. has all since been related to the topic as mentioned above.
i ask of you, implore you, beseech you.. to not pass judgement on the things i write; to not think further than the lines written here; to not consider more than what i wish to bring across to you.
---------
a petal fallen
a memory stolen
a heart that's broken cease to beat
---------
In the future, if I have the time and opportunity again.. i would really love to write a skit around a gentleman and a lady.. with the notion of one having..
A wondering heart..
the other..
A wandering mind.
---------------
unfounded expectations of people can cause unnecessary disappointments and frustrations.. which may not be observed by the person itself, but by others viewing the situations..
---------------
sometimes i lament the fact that there is a ceiling to the degree of intimacy between two friends. at times, i thank God for it.
--------------
there are times when i like to talk. i like to express how i feel. i like to debate with you. i like to put forth my opinions on things. i like to impart knowledge. i like to teach. i like share with you certain things that happen in my life.
today i just wanted to listen. listen to how you, or you, or you feel towards things. listen to what you have to say. listen to your opinions. listen to what you're going through.
to sit and observe what is going on around me. to listen and know you, or you, or you, a bit more without interference of thought.
give me the chance to be a listener.

there was a time in 2005 when i was talking to a brother. he was being emotional, and i understood a bit about his emotionality. having to go through the same transition a few months later, i understood a bit of his worries, his fears..
he didn't really talk to the guys in his group because he felt that they don't comprehend what he's going through. we served together before.. and perhaps found out that we were actually quite similar.
i remember we talked. i just don't remember what we talked about. he wanted to drink. i thought that was a bad idea.
i remember talking to the same brother another time at a carpark. he cried. and i didn't know what to do.
and subsequently he went to the tertiary group. and he flourished. he rose up, he pioneered a group.
and then before i knew it.. he was gone.
he's very successful now, as to what i read on his blog.. dabbling in his niche area.
i pray that he'll never forget the joys and sorrows he's experienced with You in his life.

-tell me what to believe,
won't you bring me your love
tell me what to achieve, baby
so i can move forward-

physically, i'm awake. spiritually, i'm awake.
emotionally and mentally, i'm still in snooze mode.

-analysis and theories,
what does matter really?-

after two weeks of hectice-ness, there's finally a day whereby i can wake up without setting an alarm and do what i want to do, rather than going down the day according to how it's planned. I haven't done anything much since the time i woke up..went online, checked email, blog surfed, replied a couple of smses, picked up Lexean once again to continue reading from where i stopped.

something from the magazine :)
- What's at stake is our true potential which will not be achieved by the mere fulfillments of a simple list of good-enoughs... Hiding in our mediocrity is our inability to realise that we have stopped fighting for excellence... Thanks to our obsession with material wealth, success has become distilled with a checklist of sorts: the job, the car, the address, and the goods. Why did we allow our potential and talent to become condensed into a list of material goods?

'For I know the plans I have for you.", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' - Jeremiah 29:11

We are destined for something greater than what we are doing now.
-----------
I'm not a very independent person. haha. i like to set a time to do things with someone else. i like to set appointments with people because it motivates me to get to somewhere and do things. yet, for this semester, there are many tutorial sessions that i'm attending alone.. which actually stirs in me a desire to skip these tutorials one time too many.. (though i never did that in the end. haha)
i prefer to set an appointment with the person, then we go our seperate ways to do the thing though. hahaa. (e.g. shopping, swimming) not so much for studying..i'll die of boredom studying alone.
so for the past 2 weeks, i had the chance to be more independent. and to grow in the area of initiating stuff in tutorials. to grow in the area of doing more things myself without appointments... hahaa.
maybe it's just more of the case of learning to overcome the initial inertia by yourself, rather than having someone else with you to overcome that inertia..

I learned a few things today.
I learned in cog psych lecture that if you first suppress a thought, then express it out, you'll find that the thought doesn't cease. However, if you express a thought, then suppress it, you'll find that the thought ceases after a while. An example will be that after you break up, you'll try to not think of the other party.. yada yada.
I learned in pediatric psych that a lot of things boil down to the perception of pain.
I learned in retrospect of the trip home that I tend to be more prejudiced against guys. hahaa. That I tend to implode, then explode, then shrink. My emotions come fast. They go away fast too. A characteristic of the most emotional temperament combination. A strength and a weakness.

haha. i was on facebook while waiting for my notes to be printed when i saw herman's picture. HAHAHA. after 9 years i can still hear herman saying things in his unique voice. he. is. hilarious. in a .very.nonsensical.way. i can still remember his answer when asked about what he wants to be when he grows up XD his answer was...
'i want to be a father.'
HAHAHAHAHA.
anyway, here's his display picture on facebook:


LOL. wellus.
-------------
I realised a few things through these 3 weeks of school. hahaa.
1) Japanese is really very xiong. Minimum of 2 quizes and 1 test per week. that's excluding the preparation we have to do for every tutorial and the homework which we have to hand up.
2) I can't have things at 10am for two days in a row. hahaa. sad case ah. reason being i can't seem to strain my body for 2 nights in a row. lol. jialat sia. thank God my natural school timetable is such that i have 10am class on alternate days.
3) I miss having free, unrestricted time to talk to God. Was talking to God and enjoying the conversation with him, enjoying the time pouring out to the Holy Spirit, enjoying the security in the presence of God.. but somehow there was this reminder at the back of my mind that I need to wake up early the next morning, that I've not finished studying my katakana. hahaa. It's like the QT time in the afternoon.. i enjoyed listening to what the brothers and sisters were sharing about psalm 139.. but at the back of my mind, the reminder that i've got japanese tutorial was making itself more visible.

Therefore, i'm actually looking forward to thursday night!:) 'cos thursday night means that i dun have to wake up so early the next morning. 'cos thurs night means i have more time to talk to God. 'cos thursday night means i can finally do other stuff to bless people. 'cos thursday night means i have more time in general!:) hahaa.

After receiving quality tutorial time in psychology tutorials, you kinda expect every tutor you meet to be able to
1) Engage the students
2) Facilitate discussion (including facilitating the process of students knowing each other)
3) Prepare well beforehand to engage the students through activities, thought-provoking discussions and games/multimedia.

My expectations are very high ah?

I realised that when I'm walking around, I actually switch off my attention to my surroundings subconsciously at times. It happens when I'm waiting for people to. hahaa. Realised this when I happily missed a few people when they walk past me:S My thoughts occupy my attention and everything else does not matter so much at that moment :) So, if i actually dao you when you wave to me, don't take it too much to heart. hahaa. Just tap me or call my name. it works either way.
Hope is currently embarking on a Relationship Essentials WFL :) Quite enjoyed the first session that we had. Agreeing with Maureen that the seminar helps us to recap what we have learned during psychology, it's also quite amazing that I've learned much in the seminar itself. Or perhaps there were things which I've known, but needed confirmation. The seminar provided the confirmation :) Though the number of nights to fork out for the seminar feels slightly intensive, the things learned and the encouragement given sustained my interest in it despite having to travel down for three nights. hahaa. Seeing the adults people there also encouraged me as they especially make their time to travel down for the seminar despite ending work late and having to go to work earlier the next morning.
got some comments on the gender thing in relation to me. will type it out another day when i can dedicate more attention to intrapersonal introspection XD

Today was an interesting day:) Woke up in the morning to look through the vocab list for Japanese 'cos there's a vocab quiz in tutorial, finished up the japanese hiragana homework and the remaining stuff that i didn't write and went off to school.
Japanese tutorial was quite funny. haha. At first it was strange... like you kinda wonder if you're supposed to speak in English or in Japanese? I had Yamada-sensei (whose hair is very long.. apparently he took 5 years to grow it to that length. haha) as my sensei:) He's quite funny. hahaa. my tutorial mates are quite funny too. but my brain had to quickly make neural connections with all the japanese hiragana and katakana words that we see o.O
Then had to go order textbook, and set up DrJava on my comp. Thank God for guan who helped me buy food and blessed me!:)
programming lab was a new experience of its own. LOL.
ah. headache.

HAHAHA. In lab now. spent like 10 minutes doing the println exercise, another 10 mins to do the declare two integers and their sum thing.. then spent ard 50 mins or so wondering how to write the script for numbers to be keyed in instead of being stated. just realised not long ago that import java.io.*; is part of the script. LOL.
yay. my script :P
import java.io.*;
class Testingoutsomething {
public static void main(String[] args) throws IOException {
int num1; int num2;
BufferedReader input = new BufferedReader(new InputStreamReader(System.in));
System.out.print("Enter num1 : ");
String string_1 = input.readLine();
int a = Integer.parseInt (string_1);
//start of a new line!
System.out.print("Enter num2 : ");
String string_2 = input.readLine();
int b = Integer.parseInt (string_2);
//A third integer!
System.out.print("Enter num3: ");
String string_3 = input.readLine();
int c = Integer.parseInt (string_3);
int sum = a+b+c;
System.out.println("The sum of " + a + " and " + b + " and " + c + " is " + sum + "!");
}
}

Really thank God for the chance to be able to talk to our brothers Daniel and Tobias/Toby from Hope Stuttgart. hahaa. quite encouraged by their lives even as they share.. seemingly young in the number of years they've come to know Christ for, they've really considered things at each stage of their lives, distinctively differentiating each decision.. can tell that they're very independent people who're smart and have considered many things in life. especially inspired by their continual passion for outreach and the many innovative ways they go about doing it.
ah. but just knowing that these 2 brothers came all the way from halfway around the globe was heartwarming enough:) thank God for their hearts and passion:)
Can find out more about hope germany from here
Also thank God for wenjiang in sharing to the to-be/graduates about certain things:) really quite excited (and even empowered in a sense) about the stuff he shared. got reminded also about God's providence that He'll provide? think i was thinking about my counter and wondering about certain things. haha. ah. so exciting.
this is a bit ironic.. but suddenly i feel that for the first time in my spiritual walk with God, i can be sure about one thing. didn't really occur to me when i was in pt, prob 'cos i was still young.. didn't totally feel this way in youth, maybe 'cos i didn't grow up in youth.. and didn't really feel convicted about it until now. but now with joy and certainty, i can say..

this is my ministry :)

news.
hanging around!
register? or not?
graduating? or not?
resonates with a passion within me.
God's plans are amazing.
trepidation.
anticipation.
gladness.
joy.

"Flood"

Rain, rain on my face
It hasn't stopped raining for days
My world is a flood
Slowly I become one with the mud

[Chorus:]

But if I can't swim after forty days
and my mind is crushed by the thrashing waves
Lift me up so high that I cannot fall
Lift me up
Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again

Downpour on my soul
Splashing in the ocean, I'm losing control
Dark sky all around
I can't feel my feet touching the ground

[Chorus]

Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me

[Chorus]

Lift me up - when I'm falling
Lift me up - I'm weak and I'm dying
Lift me up - I need you to hold me
Lift me up - Keep me from drowning again
---------------

Valley song - Jars of Clay

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

Chorus
I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

Chorus x2

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

While we wait for rescue
With our eyes tightly shut
Face to the ground using our hands
To cover the fatal cut

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Chorus

Yeah

Alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia

Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia
Alleluia, alleluia alleluia, alleluia

Chorus (4 Xs)

Oh, Lord sing of Your mercy,
Mercy
Your mercy
-----------------
As youtube doesn't want to post my post, i shall post my post. please click here for a piano piece which i like :)
today during pediatric class, Dr Tay talked a bit about doctors and children with cancer and the social ecological framework. think one of the many things she raised was quite interesting..
e.g. who determines how much the family of the child with cancer should know? how much do you tell the child who'll be going through the pain of chemotherapy?
if a child has a relapse within 5 years (say, at the age of 15), and the child, having gone through the treatment once before, says 'i don't want to go through chemotherapy. i don't want the treatment'... to what extent can we give the child the autonomy to make such a decision? considering the issues which they're going through as an adolescent at that moment.. if a child of 5 years old says 'i don't want to go through treatment', he/she will be ignored.. but an adolescent of 15? or 16? or 17?
i think it's quite funny how she mentioned that pediatricians and doctors don't like to deal with this kind of questions. that's when the pediatric psychologist comes in. lol.

Ah. A bit listless today. Woke up after dreaming that I was quarreling with guanzhen very badly over something. then received a msg from dai abt this sat..
bought breakfast and ate breakfast while walking to potong pasir. the walk was good :) saw birds. cranes (?). no people in sight.
then it drizzled.
and poured.
and drizzled.
studying with jalea was okay :) i can't wait to go buy the pediatric psych textbook though :) something new to read. hehe.
was quite listless for the night:) after coming back home to find out that my whole family went out to eat zhi cha. hahaha.
facebook surprised me though:) was invited to a group with my primary sch friends. hahaa:) people like linda, nenghao, jinhua, xavier.. found out that xavier's taking jap1 too!:) so surprising. still remember i used to talk to him on the phone for a long time. ah. childish talk ba. that time still young =] it'll be good to meet with a friend once again after 9 yrs:) looking forward to thursday!

Have been wanting to write a long story based on a dream I've had for a long long time (this is semantically confusing btw).. I wrote a paragraph of it before figuring out that it'd be a little (just a little) controversial, therefore I've deleted the original copy. Got struck by the desire to want to place into words some ideas once again, so went to switch on (since 'turn on' has an innuendo, the avoidance of that word is much desired - no puns intended) the laptop to type out the rough sketch of the story in my head (not even a skeleton.. not even an outline. just a very rough sketch comprising of a few lines).
Of which, I like this line that I thought of :) HAHAHA. COPYRIGHTED by Xin Ying on the 22nd January 2008 at 3.25am.

Heed the past. Hone the present. Helm the future.

Here's a gist of what I feel it may comprise when i chose the words. heh.

HEED THE PAST : Consider the past. Consider and pay attention to what has happened in your past. Learn from the mistakes you've made, learn from the victories you've had. Heed it. Don't ignore it. Integrate your learnings into your character as a person. Ask God to help you make sense of what has happened in the past, for everything that happens, happens for a reason.

HONE THE PRESENT: Building upon what we have already attained, train it up. Perfect it. Make it smooth. Don't leave it unattended and let it be wasted away through the second law of thermodynamics. Focus your attention on growing. Know the skills God has given, the giftings, the talents. Train it now. Not in the future.

HELM THE FUTURE: Take charge of your future. Be hardworking. Be diligent. But remember, the helm is merely an instrument at the head of the ship. Someone else holds the helm and steers it accordingly. Let God be the one to direct your path. Partnership with him :)
------------------------
Heh :)

ah. first time posting part of a msn conversation on my blog=] this is from the conversation between me and michelle. haha.

xinying - i love the sound of the piano [desiderio domini] says:
O.o
poor chocolate
see how ba
LOL
mich =) says:
poor chocolate
they are not poor ....in fact chocolate are rich
hahaaha

*faint* michelle is getting TOO influenced by BOWEN and WEILING!
it's no wonder i learned a small proportion of the art of thwarted humour. annointing flowing from up and down o.O

On the way home today, while I was happily walking on the gravel path back home, I met a frog. It's a small frog, of which the colour is indiscernible due to the darkness of night... but it was distinctly a frog (or a toad. i can't tell the difference). in surprise, i stopped and looked at the frog for a while. the frog didn't move. i squatted down to look at it more closely. it still didn't move. i shifted to the side to take a photo of it with my handphone.
it remained stationary.
so i waved my hand in front of it and asked 'hello, are you alive?'
and paused.
and it jumped & jumped & jumped & jumped
into the grass.

Today is a day of intentionally meeting people:)
Met Guan, Shuyi, Ven, Hweefung, Tracy (youth sister), Hongtao and Jiadai :) The meetings took up my entire day. hahaa. Unintentionally met other people too. hahaa:)
Ah.
Third day of school, and already I'm feeling the strain of the modules. Japanese which requires me to practice the more than 10 pages of hiragana, programming which wants me to install this, install that.. NM, which I've not read the coursepack of XD So fun ah. haha:) Already I start to feel strain on my body.. Yawns, nausea. Already I'm getting excited about people. haha!
Already, the year is starting once again:)

Here's featuring a pretty architectural building in Japan.. Aptly named the chapel on the water, it's featured in 梁静茹's 崇拜 MTV.
More on the booking of the location for the song can also be found here

Reading Lexean. And quite enjoying it.. including its classy and tasteful advertisements of Graf von Faber-Castell and Stella Artois.
Makes me want to find a cafe playing jazz music and order a nice cup of coffee to go with it.
intellectually stimulating, it tantalizes the desires of my mind.



Lexean and techno music may turn out to be an unique combination as well.

HA. I just realised that I have 5 exams within 4 days after finalising on my modules. gee. GEE. And i thought i had lots of time spread out between the modules..shucks. feel like changing back to SC1101E now. lol.
IT1002 05-May-2008 Morning
LAJ1201 05-May-2008 Evening
NM1101E 06-May-2008 Afternoon
PL3233 07-May-2008 Afternoon
PL3255 09-May-2008 Morning
Ah well. I have a four day week though:) Unless I don't get my tutorial slots. haha. I have 3-4 lessons a day for each of the four days though. for every week. lol. so intriguing. just looking at it makes me feel tired. haha!:)
doing up my timetable for next week now:) haha. planning both frustrates and intrigues me xD
Taking intro to programming with flince:) taking japanese 1 with jiankai:) taking intro to new media with yitsun and jiali:) taking cognitive psych with yishyan and hweefung and dunno who else:) taking intro to pediatric psych with lingyun and jiayan and her friends:) keke. what an exciting sem ahead.

Oh by the way, Persona -trinity soul- seems quite interesting when i watched it yesterday:) the back part anyway. haha. do take a look at it.

haha. Just finished watching the first episode of 'True Tears'.. it's another sappy romance love story kind of stuff which i usually drop after watching the first episode (e.g. Da Capo.. ) unless it's really funny and has substance. True tears started REALLY SLOW.. i agreed with one of the comments given on crunchyroll.. 'i got bored within 5 mins of the show'. haha. but it got much more interesting when Isruku Nayaga came out at the 7-8th min of the show. haha. It's got potential i suppose. Things started to pick up. Will be quite interested to watch the next episode!:)
I realised, as I was adding this anime to my media list, that I have 26 series that I'm currently catching, and that's excluding certain anime which i never finished (e.g. claymore, saiunkoku monogatari, honey and clover 2). Anime included on my list includes D Gray Man, Bleach, Shion no Oh, Shakugan no Shana 2, Kekkashi, bamboo blade, higurashi no naku koro ni kai, majin tantei nougami neuro and the likes. haha. My slice of life/comedy fixes are not on the list 'cos i've finished them all! ahhhhh. i need more genshiken/lucky star/himawari/minami-ke!
XD

This one word poem is entitled

Onomatopoeia

Crack.

------
the resolution to the last trial came yesterday :) hehehe. need to continue to follow up on it.
-----
and so it ends. in a quiet fashion. with few people who know about it. with the person in it who don't. to hide, to shy away from, to cover it up in. to let go and hold on stubbornly again. and then let go. and stubbornly grasp it once more before it floats away. and when all that's left is a limp string holding onto empty hopes, you have no choice but to let it go afterall :)
-----

风筝有风，海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白，所以离开
所以不再，为爱而爱
自己存在，在你之外

suddenly feel like going ktv to sing all the liang jing ru songs. hahaha.

[WARNING: PICTURES GALORE - All not mine. hahaha]

I was searching around for cosplay events in Singapore when I came upon this in one of the forums:D Oh the joy!


And thereafter the excitement and anticipation in attending the event as a spectator sparked and grew. hahaa. and i sought to look for people to go to the event with me!:) so far only got nicholas, eugene and huanyi confirmed :D hohoho. join us join us! experience an unique culture XD

Some brilliant photos taken from past year cosplay events in Singapore:

From Naruto!


Kurosaki Ichigo from Bleach!


Two other characters from Bleach (can't remember their names. the girl's character is sui fong.. the guy's i can't remember the name.)


The following two are from Rozen Maiden:D Rozen Maiden has BRILLIANT costumes. I would love to see the whole set and take a photo of all of them together=)


More!


hehehe. I don't remember who this is. VERY FAMILIAR.. but i can't remember. XD


A group from ouran high school host club!:)


hahaha. this one was sent to me by eugene! his friend!:D


so cool right! hahaha

And now that my conversation buddies have gone off, I'm here to post some stupid stuff up!:) hahaa. rating to be advised. please dun mind my once-in-a-while-go-crazy-kinda-post.
was reading through the forum postings on crunchyroll when i came by 2 pictures.

Kissing scene (:P) from Lovely Complex (anime). it's a shoujo anime. hahaa. very funny. very sweet. very frustrating sometimes 'cos of the immense stupidity of the guy. if you're a girl, you like romance and comedy without much of a deep plot, you'll like this anime:) it's the kind of anime you'll want to watch after watching too many heavy and bloody anime such as claymore or higurashi no nara koro ni. Tried and tested by Xin Ying and Sharlene. HAHAHA. the WHOLE anime builds up to the picture u see above (sorry for the spoiler). dun watch for plot. i can tell u the whole plot in 4 lines.
the anime has 24 episodes in all. go figure.
by the way, if u're a guy and want to watch this, you're welcome to do so too. though i'd guess it won't appeal to you so much. hurhur.


ha. this is the controversial one. It's from the second season of Genshiken. Genshiken is actually quite a clean anime:) no funny things such as pple stripping or doing weird groping -.- no fan service. no ecchi moments (thank God!) only got converations of otakus and what they like.
this picture is actually from episode 5 of the second season of genshiken, where they portrayed how the fangirls who like the genre of yaoi in Japan think (fantasies of fangirl -.-). funny when u watch it. not so funny when u didn't expect it while watching it in sch. hahahaha.
-----
i miss my moyashimon! where's the subbing for it!

XD
I was going home when I saw a sister and brother (both of whom i know)from the Adults group near Toa Payoh station control. Was quite excited to see the sister, so i went and tapped her on the shoulder.. then i realised that they were linking arms.
hahhaa. i felt so evil after that. breaking off their moment together XD didn't know they're together o.O
XD
don't bother guessing who they are. haha. the people don't live in toa payoh. HAHAHAHA.

I remember the day of the release of A level results:)
On that day, I've arranged to meet up with my girls at the library of TP to photocopy praise and worship lyrics. On that day, after getting back my results, I was in a shock. And then I went to comfort a friend of mine who was crying 'cos she felt she did badly. Ironically, my friend had much better grades than me:)
I remember going to the vice principal's office with Steph 'cos she wanted to know our results:) We've had a few correspondences with her before. She's a very nice lady. I remember she's a Christian 'cos she had a cross on her wall which stated 'Jesus Saves...' I remember that she told us we could always go and visit her in the future:) We never did go back though.
I remember the months after.. I clung on with a stubborn belief that God will pull me through to my course and my uni no matter what. I remember declining the offer to retake As. I remember I was talking to Shirls near church office during lunch and she suggested considering other options. I remember applying to all three universities (sort of to increase my chance?:)
And i remember getting asked for the SMU interview and getting accepted into both NTU and NUS. And I thank God for bringing me through even when others who got better grades than me couldn't get into a university.
Yes God, I remember going through this with you.
And I trust You God, that You will bring me through once again. Regardless.
-----
There're certain things I believe in and certain things which I don't. It's a personal belief kind of thing.. and kinda shaped by the things I've seen or experiences I've gone through..
I believe that grades don't determine your worth:) Though sometimes grade does affect a person's IMPRESSION of how much he/she is worth.
I believe that in many situations, it takes 2 to tango. It takes 2 hands to clap, two eyes to justify the position, 2 ears to balance and 2 feet to stand stably.
I believe in holistic maturity. That being said, I don't believe in maturing socially without maturing emotionally. And I admit, I've got much to grow in this. haha.
I believe in choices. I believe there're always 2 choices in a situation. Regardless of how bad the situation seems to be. I believe that when one door closes, another door always opens.
I believe in God. I believe that God is ultimately more interested in our character than our comfort. And in that, I trust His plans regardless of how comfortable/uncomfortable they may be. Simply because in retrospect, I've seen how in many situations which seem down to men, seem wasted to men, seem useless and redundant to man, have actually brought many people to a greater growth and a deeper understanding and insight towards things. You can't mature without trials. And you can't have trials without stepping into the zone of discomfort. Maybe you can have trials without stepping into the zone of discomfort.. I'm not so sure about this. hahaa.
Following through with what's said above, I believe in persevering. Though sometimes I may grow weary if I persevere on with my own effort. hahaha. That's when I need to reevaluate the source of my strength:) That being said, I don't believe in leaving church:) (personal belief. no offense to anyone out there). I believe that since God has placed me in this community, it's not His intent to me to simply leave this community when things get tough. I believe that when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I believe in bearing in the community. In having the faith to see breakthroughs even when the land (or myself) seems very dry. To date, I've only experienced 1 whole year of considering wanting to leave Hope:) haha. And i was telling Michelle today, that if today, everyone whom I'm close to leave God, I may be heartbroken, but I'll still stay.
Of course, the staying in the church part is when you ensure that the correct doctrines are being taught:)
I believe in humility. Personally I don't think I'm a very humble person. There're areas of pride in me. Actually, I think there're areas of pride in everyone. hahaa. I believe in submitting to the authority that God has placed over you if the authority is not going against the law of God. I believe that God blesses people who are humble:) Again, I've seen humble people who might not be talented or gifted in things, but because of their heart in wanting to learn and submit, God blesses them greatly and rises them up. Therefore, I believe in humility. Learning to grow in this area continually though:)
=====
I'm sure everyone has different beliefs. haha. This are just some of mine. Just felt prompted to type this I guess. Take care:)

Upgrading my windows xp with service pack 3 under the advice of Tim due to me being unable to install winrar on my laptop.. which is needed to extract the photos of sleepover night, as well as for extracting registry mechanic, which is currently in .rar form.
it's taking a very long time:) hahaa. at some points i get impatient and start to tap my feet to a silent fast rhythm, at times i stop and decide to wait it out, at times i find my eyes starting to get a little sore from looking at the computer screen for some time. stuff on the computer both frustrate and intrigue me. frustrating because of the all the things that can go wrong, frustrating when things dun go as fast as you want it to.. or files don't seem to be located in the right position.. or some problems crop up which cause you to be at a loss as to what to do.. intriguing 'cos of the customizations available i suppose.. of the cool programmes you can have on your computer.. of the potential of this black box in front of me:)
i guess this coming sem will be a slightly more technical one.. what with the learning of cognitive psy (which derives its stage approach from the computer metaphor), intro to programming, japanese language (the learning of a language is touched upon in cognitive psy). paediatrical psy will probably be out of this league though=]
what shall my last module be? someone give me suggestions!

earthquake. earthquake.

Was browsing through the songs on Darren Hayes' not-so-new album when I heard the song 'Neverland':) I like the style, though lyrics are a tad morbid.



Neverland Lyrics

Getting the songs from fungi once she goes back to America!:)

Two other songs by Darren Hayes that I like.. from former albums:)

I feel this song is similar to Insatiable (his first song), though insatiable is much more sensual. for this one, i like the front more than the back. hahaa. the back gets too repetitive for my liking.


Identifying with the person in this song helps get the meaning out of the song more:) the cd version sounds much better.


well. but i think his new songs are good=] different genre from savage garden days.. but good nevertheless.

One slow one from Savage Garden:)

If there're no restrictions, I would take these modules:
1) Psychology of gender
2) Personality and individual differences
3) Psycholinguistics (EL department)
4) Introduction to playwriting (sounds so cool!)
5) Reproductive health

and I will retake
1) Language and atypical developement
2) Forensic science
3) Abnormal psychology

ah.

the first ever online version of the lyrics of

Breathless - Darren Hayes

We were young
We were chasing all our dreams
The future seems
That it was perfect
Love was soemthing only we knew

Times change things, rearrange
Life gets in the way
Wish we cld start anew
But maybe that's impossible 'cos

Chorus:
If you leave me now
You leave me breathless
Don't let go
Well you may be through
But I'm not through with you
If you let go
you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through
But i'm not through with you

When we met
It was said our souls had come to reconnect
It felt so perfect
You couldn't bear to leave my side, but
Now you sieve alone (?) all the contents of my head
And racing over words we said
Something's unretractable, but

If you leave me now
You leave me breathless
My head held low
Well you may be through
But i'm not through with you
If you let go
You leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through
But i'm not through with you

I'm not through with loving you
We've got so much more to do
There are beaches in the sun
We have yet to leave our footprints on them
I know i can try
But i'll never find another you
Darling come back to bed
And find what we've been losing

Well you may be through but I'm not through with you
If you go you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through but I'm not through

If you leave me now you leave me breathless
Don't let me go, well you may be through but i'm not through with you
If you go you leave with all of our yesterdays
You may be through but I'm not through with you

I'm not through with you
----------------------

Typed on 3rd January, 2008 :) Copyright: Xin Ying. lol.

The Clod and the Pebble - William Blake

Love seeketh not Itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a Heaven in Hell's despair

So sung a little Clod of Clay
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to Its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a Hell in Heaven's despite.'

yscxyxexycvkrexyqm
yscxyizspxymxyxic
rmsgxyexyjsxywihmwxysax
ilxiiwxyxelxxywrsmxsqi
ilxsswxyxelxxywhvsaxykrmxvsjqsg

=]

testing

i think most people are interested in business modules.
i'm not.
zen zen.
programming excites me more than business modules o.O
lol.

'That though the radiance which was once so bright
Be forever taken from my sight
though nothing can bring back the hour
of glory in the grass, of splendor in the flower
we will grieve not, rather find
strength in what remains behind' - william wordsworth

of thy sweet embrace which was subsumed, now seeks to consume and envelop me into a state of unconsciousness. a mind once clear, may, should the circumstances permit, fall into folly. though creative expressions which gently flows may be well pursued, the one whom lacks the energy to do so can never bring to full manifestation the glorification of her words.

in other words, i can't think anymore. i'm going to sleep. goodnight :)

i like episode 58 of D gray man:)

I should be sleeping.. but here're a few posts from long ago :)

May 23, 2002:
'oh well... i do dislike people who brings in religion whenever we talk about stuff. i mean... i don't mind if people sing their church songs or something, 'cos it shows their faith and dedication to their religion (which i think is cool) and that they're spreading the love so that other people would also be able to find 'an anchor in life' ... but if they do insist on offering to introduce HIM to me, i'll get irritated. it feels like they're trying to 'promote' their religion... and such. oh wellz. don't wanna say too much here 'cos people may get offended.'

June 20, 2002: (someone posed me this qn:)
'something about responsibility. do you think it is a person's responsibility to 'contact everybody to reduce this missing of theirs'? or, in general, do you think it is a person's responsibility to placate everyone who loves you and might get jealous/feel neglected/hurt when you don't happen to spend time enough with them according to that other person(s)?
and how much is it your responsibility?
it wld be easy to say it's all her responsibility of course. but let's say she doesn't even want to talk to me. would it be her responsibility just because i want her to?
but what if you have, say a married couple. and the wife is very open and friendly or something, and inadvertantly hurts her husband. is it her responsibility then to do something about it so that he doesn't feel hurt? or shd he just 'not be so conservative'?

July 30, 2002:
i was talking about sadness.
about how i was in the canteen today and lining up for food when i suddenly feel lonely. not just physically lonely. but spiritually alone as well.
about how sad i feel about it 'cos no matter how hard you try, or how close a friend you become to another person, you'll never be able to get even closer 'cos of the limitations set by the different ideas two people have. different beliefs to be exact.
about how this sadness is even greater than the -glorious sadness- whenever i feel when someone dies. how this sadness seeps into your bones and nerves and mercilessly circulates around your body system. and how it'll always resurface whenever you think of the boundaries that exist in ideas. and the thing is, it's not meant to be there to prevent bonding between friends, it's to provide support whenever one needs it, to give something concrete in life to believe in, so that one can go according to the flow of the beliefs.
and the thing is, i don't even know why i feel sad. i just do.
never felt so sad before.

November 23, 2002: (To show that Jit Sy didn't change much in terms of her nonsense:)
*grInz* i'm listening to peggy hsu's 'bo1 li2 wa4' now...translated, it'll be 'crystal socks'. ooh. did you all know that peggy's a good friend of evonne?:) *lol*:):):) and that evonne like socks. ooh. i mean small animals. rodents:) like hamsters (*gringrin* great person she is)
yeah anywayz. i was just reading through all the letters i have in my box. and was just wondering if i should regret doing some stuff in the past year. like studies, CHAOS and confessions. this is what stupid jitsy said when i answered her with the above to the question of why i keep coming online and going offline:
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
any particular genre?
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
like, i confess, i never really liked hamsters
take a look it's on displayyy...for you! says:
or, i confess, i'm totally in love with jitsy, but that i can understand...
and this is what i replied with...
Xin Ying bonks Jit Sy on the head for being such an UTTER moron.
*grInz* so funny. i should try calling into 100.3 fm later and attempt to dedicate songs or something. ah wellz:):):)

November 22, 2002:

'It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing' - Shania Twain

hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
i'm doing fine now, I've finally moved on
it's not so bad, I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain, I'm free again

Chorus:
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath ... to forget

Don't think I'm lying around crying at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really alright
I've never looked back, as a matter of fact

Chorus

It only hurts when I breathe
Mmm, no, I've never looked back
as a matter fact

Chorus

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe

March 10, 2003:
hmmz. took the same bus as benjamin home...and on the way i received some news...which add to the complicity of a lot of stuff...ah wellz.
aww shucks. i dunno how to comfort guys. how?

March 23, 2003:
hmmmz.
today is a very confusing day:)...hehee.
went to carrie's church service today with jits. hehee:) met her at somerset mrt station...and walked there. then met a bunch of other people outside mac's...hahaha:D really nice people:) jun ting and hui chun didn't look like they're any much older:D the most j2s...but turns out to be otherwise. *grInz*
saw the other hui qing from nygh...the volleyball (i think) hui qing. relatively surprised... hehee:D
hmm..let me just jump to why i'm confused...
i'm confused 'cos for the first time, i can actually feel god's presence in the auditorium...and when i closed my eyes, it felt like just him, and me...there wasn't anyone else around...even though i could hear everyone else singing very clearly. (who can't? it was rather loud. hehee)
and even after i sat down to listen to the pastor...i still feel him nearby. the feeling hasn't left me yet. hahaa. dunno. ah wellz:) asking everyone:)

30 April, 2003:
i finally broke into tongue today. hahaha. so strange. very strange sensation. i didn't even know what i was saying...the words just spill out of my mouth. ah wellz:) so happy though:) been praying the whole week because i couldn't get baptized by the holy spirit last friday...then jun ting and hui chun and the rest of them had been praying for me and fasting (!) for the whole week just for me too. so touched.

19 June, 2004: (oh? could it be that we've served together before, but i forgot abt it? hahaa)

met joyce and jocelyn and the rest of them at buona vista mrt station..hahaha. surprisingly, i was the first to reach despite me leaving my house at rather a late hour. was carrying a broom and a pail (which never found its way back to my house again) and my big bag for staying over and walking around and having pple looking at me strangely as if i'm someone pretending to by a sweeper or something:)
yeah well:) games went quite smoothly...though we did take a lot of time trying out each game. hahaa:)we also prayed for ruisi 'cos she was having a fever...

okay. time to sleep.

Be amazed at the age of the girl who did this template:) I haven't editted anything on the skin yet.. so you can fiddle around and see how it originally looks like before i start to fiddle with it. lol.

In the process of finding a new blogskin :)

Me and Isobel wanna go to Japan in 2010:) Anyone want to come with us?

Xin Ying,

Your personality is Phlegmatic Choleric
Melancholy Strength:1 Weakness:7
20%

Phlegmatic Strength:5 Weakness:8
33%

Sanguine Strength:7 Weakness:0
18%

Choleric Strength:7 Weakness:5
30%

The nice tabled form can be found if you click at this word >>> here

Like. I greatly wonder about temperaments. hahaa.

hahaa. i'm watching 'sayonara zetsubo sensei'. it talks about a teacher who is constantly thinking of despairing situations and looks at everything in a negative light. the funny thing is, though he's right at certain points, his extreme negativity actually makes a comedy out of him. i think in a sense, the anime helps us to soberly consider about despair and actually helps us to see the world in a more positive light after it. i think it's funny. hahhaa.

Spent monday night carolling:) haha. we went to raffles city's big xmas tree, marina bay's steps, marina bay outside macs and the merlion. hahaa. think this year's carolling was not as pow-y as last year's.. but fun nevertheless:) quite tiring though. hahaa.
my friend athifa joined us for carolling:) she's from maldives and was celebrating xmas for the first time! haha. i hope she enjoyed herself:) think i wasn't really a good host.. but she's a really friendly person:) yup. glad she found people who were taking her course too! hahaa.
we ended the night with gift exchange and lots of photos. some of the girls went crazy. lol. quite a good night of songs, fun, friends and crazy pictures!:)
some of us (me, joyce, jalea, yizhong and athifa) went to stay overnight at dai's house after that:) haha. tim joined us at dai's void deck 'cos he stays one block away from dai. haha. imagine 7 of us squeezing into dai's room:D hahaha.
we spent most of the night talking:) hahaa. ohoh. yizhong also cooked noodles for us. hahahaa! spent most of the night talking about pets (tim has got interesting pets!:D he's got an iguana, a tarantula spider, some alligator fish thing and goodness knows what else before). lol. we also talked about former relationships/crushes. hahaa. out of all of us in the room, athifa was the only one who's currently attached:) don't know about the guys in the room, but think the rest of the girls (e.g me, jalea, dai and joyce) are not particularly interested in bgr at this moment:) hahaha. it's funny to hear of what people did in the past though!:) talks like this bond people together. LOL.
friendship usually lasts longer than hastened relationships:)
then tim went back to his house to sleep at 6+am, and yz and joyce went off at 9.30am.. haha. the rest of us were at dai's house until ard 2+pm before we went to visit tim's house!:) hahaa. if you ever get the chance to go to his room, you'll be super amazed at how self sufficient his room is. i was amazed when i went in. hahaa. it's like a mini house in there:D lol. it's the room of a future korean director! haha.

haha. this is so silly. i woke up with dreams of checking exam results, went back to sleep to more dreams of checking exam results. and woke up feeling slightly anxious and a little alarmed 'cos someone was calling me. lol.
Was dreaming that i was checking results for someone and that person took 6 subjects and got 3 As. woohoo. LOL. then I dreamt that i was checking results and my results did not reflect any grades at all. it was empty, showing only the CAP. whahaha. the CAP apparently increased, but I remembered feeling puzzled as to why the grades were not shown. hahaa.
Oh well:) exam results checking time always cause people's heart to go doki-doki. hahaa.
a note of reminder: your exam results don't determine your worth as a person!:) take heart in whatever grades you get and move on:)

Today is such an exciting day :)
We got to make a Japanese friend today! Yasu. haaa. I couldn't really go past the 'hajimemashite, watashi wa xinying desu. douzo youroshiku onegaishimase.' stage. lol. he's very yasashii (gentle) and friendly.. he was using polite form (as what joyce said) and easy words (e.g. sugoi and atsui - hot) so that we can understand:) hahaa. he wants to learn chinese! i want to learn japanese! can i teach him chinese? hahaa.
and Weiling shared her testimony today:) kekee. i'm a proud mother who was dabbling in her child's presentation for the past 2 nights. hohoho. thank God for your life! your courage and boldness! and your continual trust in God:) i think it makes more impact in the people who actually know her life well:) hehe. she wasn't kidding when she says she holds 5-7 tuition jobs a sem.. 'cos she doesn't get any allowance from her parents. she earns what she spends. thank God for her. a dear sheep to me. a dear friend as well. different groups, same vision.
and made a new friend! haha. she's interesting:D hahaha. hope to get to know her more in the days to come!:)
ah. and we have a new brother!:D ah. when one sinner repents, the WHOLE heaven rejoices:) think the heaven is having overnight celebrations at this moment. our new brother took a long time to think through science and whatnots before coming to his decision. Thank God for him in his heart in exploring the truth.. and thank God for God that His truth guided him to where he is now. the truth is the truth. it can't be denied. nor hidden.
exhausted. but excited.

hehe. xxxHolic was one of my favourite anime and still exist as so:) I love the manga too.. just that I don't have the endurance to check out when the next book comes out.. (e.g. every half a year o.O) but i'm ever so glad that the second season is coming out in 2008! hahaa.
xxxHolic is very beautifully crafted=]
yup. continuing to watch naruto after a hiatus of more than 3 months on the series. i'm like on, episode 50 of the first series. hohoh. lots more for me to catch up on:) moyashimon and genshiken 2 are taking their time to produce the next episode and i've caught up on bamboo blade. bleach has started to bore me, so i shall put it on hiatus mode=] kekkaishi is not bad.. but it's not exactly the best:) it's more catered to children i think.
heh. i didn't realize that two of my favourite lecturers (sounds slightly contradictory.. since favourite denotes singularity) are friends of each other:) i'm glad they are though. they're both very nice people:)
i like unassuming people:) i think most people like unassuming people. people who don't go around guessing other people's motives towards them everyday:) not hostile.
unassuming doesn't mean the person is naive. means the person is innocent as a dove, shrewd as a serpent:) people who are careful in their dealings, but bighearted in their mannerisms:) sharp, yet accepting :)
let me add in something random. my fishtank (along with the poor goldfish) got stolen. heh. sadness.

I still have not much of a voice:) haha. Going Klunch with melody and joyce and jalea. Was looking forward to it 'cos haven't sang karaoke for some time.. haha. I think I'll go there and listen to them sing, while i eat my lunch and drink my drink. lol.
Quite exhausted in these past few days 'cos of settling things around. Quite exciting as well. I'm tired, but still glad at the same time. And it's not those kind of I-psycho-myself-to-be-happy kind of glad, but really a kind of 'ah-I-know-this-is-tiring-and-stretchy-but-i'm-still-glad-it's-happening-now-rather-than-in-the-future kind of glad. ah. It won't make much sense to you unless you've experienced it yourself.
Christmas is coming:) Quite excited about the play in christmas service! hahaa. excited 'cos I heard it's a comedy and the idea's pretty cool. Excited also because of the carolling:) My friend Athifa from Maldives has decided to stay in Singapore in the holidays for the first time, and she wants to experience celebrating christmas, so I'm excited in this aspect as well 'cos she said she don't mind joining us for carolling.. haha. Her first time celebrating Christmas 'cos Maldives doesn't celebrate Christmas:)
Oh gosh, my eyes are closing themselves.
I'm just glad that Christmas means more than a festive season to me now:) heh. It's amusing to me whenever I share to people that I used to be anti-Christ. The other day I was thinking about how in primary 6, I think i managed to convince my friend Yue Rong (she was a christian at that time. I think we were talking about ghosts) that Christianity is fake XD
hehe. Don't playplay. When you're up against God and His people, God will move to protect His people and show forth His realness :) Not to say that God is being elitist, but more of how a father will move to protect his child when the child gets threatened, God will move to protect His people for His name's sake as well:)
Anyway, why am i talking about this? haha.
I still get mildly irritated at people who claim that they're Christ followers, yet do not live a life that shows forth this relationship with God though. By which, I do not mean a life whereby you go hallelujah everyday (that's pretty insane), but a life of transformation in character and continual maturation. We're all imperfect people, but we should always seek to be more Christ like each day, all the more as God works powerfully within us.
Of course, maturation doesn't apply only to Christians. To everyone in fact. Hehehe.
Okay. I don't know why I'm suddenly talking about maturation:) but yup. I should go and sleep.

I realise that I like slice of life anime with comedic characters=] haha. Anime like 'Lucky Star' which is quite random and 'Genshiken' entertains me greatly:) Perhaps it's 'cos I have a relatively short attention span.. Slice of life anime usually don't have an elaborate continuous plot. hahaha:)

I have lots of things to blog about, but everytime I cam to the 'create' page in my blog, I lack the words to start, let alone craft it.
I wanted to write a poem about the dream which I had. It was a gray dream.. as gray as the sky that's framing the white buildings opposite of my house at this moment. Gray was not the colour of which the dream was in though. Gray was the base emotion throughout the dream. There were flashes of colour once in a while, but the end of it all left a gaping pitless torn feeling. at the moment where the dream was supposed to be at its most vibrant, what came was instead the contradictory emotion of loss.
the insurmountable anguish at the dream's brightest, most glorious moment.
speaking of loss, since I lost my voice on Saturday night, I've chosen not to speak/sing if I have a need to. As a result, my thoughts have mostly been contained inward, my actions more passive. My main source of communication comes through smses and msn conversations, of which it allows me to 'talk' effectively without actually having to talk out loud. Like all voices, when it's not used, it fades. And upon trying to speak, I realised that it's not as easy for me to enunciate certain words anymore. I have nicely attributed it to the lack of practice of my vocal cords.
A lack of practice produces rusty vocal cords. A lack of practice produces rusty skills. No wonder God warns us against being lazy in the bible!

I believe in loving people. As much as I can, I try to give of my time, my money, energy, my help...
Am reading 'Love beyond reason' by John Ortberg now (Weiling lent me the book:)
Can identify when he says that..
'If I love someone, it means I have certain hopes and intention and wishes for them... I long for them to flourish and blossom. I want them to realize all their potential. I want them to become filled with virtue and moral beautiy. ...
This means sometimes I may need to do that which will cause pain for the one I love. Love is often confused with softness. When we speak of doing "the loving thing", we sometimes think it means "always doing what the person I love would want me to do." This is not love, it's not even sane. Try it with a three-year-old, and odds are she'll never make it to four ...
... in many cases authentic love 'will unnerve, offend, disturb, or even hurt those who are being loved." ... If I am really for a person, I am willing to risk saying painful things, if pain is the only way to bring growth. ..
But only humbly, reluctantly. True love never desires to inflict pain for pain's sake."

ah. so true :)

The three main points about love. What i typed was a small part from the first point.
1) Love means being for the one who is loved
2) Love delights in and enjoys the one who is loved
3) Love gives to and serves the one loved

Let's continue practicing tough love!:)

Oh. I lost my voice! how am I going to do recording on Wednesday? hahaha