Ahhhh. Watching A Thousand Kisses is driving me nuts cos it seems like everything will be rosy, and yet there're so much dark undercurrents D: and your emotions ebbs with the flow of the plot D:
i remember when i watched Stairway to Heaven, i cried my eyes out for the first episode. and then again for the second episode. and after crying my eyes out in the third episode, i stopped watching kdrama altogether. lol.
haven't cried in watching A Thousand Kisses, but it makes me feel frustrated and makes me wanna throw something at someone in the screen X:

episode 11 has me gawking with mouth wide open at his courage. and rashness. lol

watching A Thousand Kisses now.
seriously can't comprehend how a wife can forgive the husband for cheating on her. can hardly scratch the surface of understanding how the Hope sister did it. bewildering.

~my Beloved is mine and i am His,
His banner over me is love~

Heard the burmese version of it when I was in Myanmar :) I guess part of the reason as to why I miss the STM was also cos of the team I went with. It's really important to go with a good team. lol. The team I went with was not the best, we still had conflicts and what nots, but I think all in all, we really complemented one another quite well.
Delia mentioned that one of the strengths in the group was that we were quite a humorous group. I agree with it! haha. I guess i enjoyed the time as the humour was something I could appreciate. hahaa. Li Ping will make funny comments on things, Joshua will have his schizophrenic sang moments in which he'd suddenly spout out something ridiculously funny, Guo Feng is permanently amusing with his expressions and his actions (though he claims he's not), Sze Hui (who's usually quiet) will also come up with weird comments that cause the group to burst into laughter. haha. Calean is not funny funny per se, but she's a presence whom I'm comfortable be, and her honesty makes me comfortable as well (like I don't have to keep sensing how the person is). hahaa. Claramae and Serene are already people whom I'm close to :)
I think it helps that I'm not the only Sang in the group. hahaa. we have a good mix of all personality types, and that really helps. I feel like I could rest. hahahaa. It was a time of working hard and laughing hard. and though the first 2 nights were really tough for me personally cos had to resolve conflicts with my two closer people, the third night was good cos we really trashed things out and it really felt great after that.
i also learned a lot more about myself through the trip. haha. like my own triggers, and my own reactions towards certain things cos of how I'm made up. I felt that I could use my strengths, and that my strengths are appreciated. I could use my gift of teaching to teach and bless people. Delia also observed and said something about me which I really appreciated cos sometimes she put into words what I really do. Claramae observed the same in me and affirmed me in that through the letter she wrote to me and I think for a while in a long time, i felt like how I felt when I was much younger, that people are noticing and taking care of me as well :)
And my love tank was nicely filled up through the days when time was spent with the people, and I had a fellow language of love sister - Calean! hahaa. I enjoyed listening to Sze Hui and Li Ping and Serene and learning new things about them which I've never known before. I enjoyed that I could share my interests and sing songs spontaneously (which I really miss since uni times).
I guess I appreciated that people were honest and desire to help one another to grow. I enjoyed the sharing of testimonies and the desire in people to want to hear about God. I enjoyed being in the company of people who loved God fervently and expressed that love out. I enjoyed that I don't always have to be the one to suggest things. haha.

seems like it's getting normal that in the STMs i go to, there'd be
1) discomfort
2) temptations

:)

my mel side is acting up :)

anyway, commitment is not as scary as it sounds. sometimes we waste so much time thinking if we should commit, rather than just commit and work on it, that we could possibly have learned much if we've just committed earlier.
lol.

like my japanese lessons. were concerned at the start if i can commit to it (and along the way as well, cos twice a week is still rather intensive). but we just continued on, and now we've come to the end of our basic lessons and going into intermediate! :D wooohooo~
imagine how it'd have been if i've spent 3 months thinking about whether to commit to japanese lessons instead of just going on to try -_-

of course, there're things which are not so important which you can consider longer to commit to. like my USS fun pass :P

unconsciously, i get irritated when people say they're afraid of commitment.
like. who's not afraid of commitment? of course we're all not so comfortable with commitment.
cos it means definite sacrifice. it means u gotta work hard at something you've made a promise to. and you've gotta work hard at it for a long period of time.
but how can you grow in something unless you commit to it?
my unconscious qn that arises will always be: if it's something you'd definitely have to commit to, then are you helping yourself to overcome this fear? (instead of one who keeps talking abt it.)

Upon searching for my long time ago CLC notes, i found
1) my chinese bible
2) a photo of me and Carrie
3) the first letter given to me by Junting (which was on an xray of a her knee!)
4) the notes on lateral leadership
5) important concise notes on the basics of SOW, follow up and discipleship
6) my notes on the analysis of films module
7) my notes on Stage Lighting design (and a cue sheet on lighting!)
8) all my previous camp notes! hahaa

Today I woke up being bitten by ants who crawled onto my bed.
but I was rather joyful :)
Spent some time talking to my mum, and spent some time playing with my cat. Finding the kitten outside my house was a highlight! It's great to just be able to play with a kitten, to feed it and to give it a pillow to sleep on. heh. (though when i came back, it was gone. hahaha.)
and had lunch with michelle and yufen :) enjoyed the time though we didn't talk about much things other than chit chat and catchup. i guess i miss talking to Michelle :)
and met Guofeng, Calean and Joshua up to buy stuff for the STM trip. haha. introduced Catsocrates to them. nice to have someone appreciate what you introduced :)
It was good to be punctual for my counselling session. haha. i went to the wrong room and sat inside for 15 mins before realizing that i was in the wrong room D:
turns out that i don't feel very drained meeting both my counsellees in a row... hmmm. and it kinda showed me that i do enjoy one on one counselling afterall. haha. ironic cos i was just sharing that maybe i should change jobs. hahaha. it's the admin work la. if there's no admin work i'd be happier i guess :)
bought my first pendant with real diamonds today too (not for myself :P) met an auntie in the shop who asked for my opinion on her pendant, of which i honestly gave an opinion and she took it! hahaa. so interesting :) i suspect that a large sum of my salary goes into buying things for others, my travels and my japanese lessons. lol. oh. and food. hahahaha.
ah well :)
ended off the day with dinner at Marche's (:X) at 10pm. and sat beside 2 Japanese ladies who were speaking in Kansai ben! was trying to decipher what they were talking about. hahahaaaa. did some reflections as well and now i'm gonna prepare to spend time with God :) yay

i'm amazed at brain connections. one thing can trigger off the firing of a thousand thoughts.

Was one of the people standing in front of Taeyeon at the start! hahaa. okay. enough reminiscing. hahaa. one of the best times of the concert when i was in front and all the girls were just in front of me

i think one thing i really miss about the SNSD day is being surrounded by fans who have the same passion, being able to speak the same language, being excited about the same thing, and being able to sing the songs, with the lyrics, with the rest of the people together, without people being tired of it.
i guess for the first time, i really felt the withdrawal symptoms of not being able to share a passion with someone to the same degree. recalling back on some conversations i had long time ago, and suddenly understanding what the person meant.
and i really miss my first lg in YG. lol.

congrats to Ellson and Florence! :)

was so tired after the concert (11 hrs of sitting and waiting and 3 and a half hours of pure standing) that i had to take a nap to have the energy to take a bath. hahaha

listening to me always cracks me up. HAAHHAA

the fanchants are madddd. too many to memorize.
chikgumun snsd
aporodo snsd
yowaoni snsd
snsd saranghaeyo

Was faced with a temptation of an old nature during the Japan trip. lol.
had to sit myself down one night and seriously pray about it. am still wondering why the temptation came when i've not faced it for a long time, and also when i was well in my relations with people.
rather intriguing.
guess i put my guard down =) haha.
after praying, my guard was up through the whole day the next day. it was a battle of the natures. the sinful nature vs the holy nature of the Holy Spirit. hahaaa.
i guess it's a warning for myself to always be vigilant in this area ba. haha.

educating myself in the ways of jewellery. looking to buy a nice chain and pendant for my mum (cos she lost her chain)... so was getting brochures from the stores. it seems that the 'perfect' diamond cut is 57/58 cos of the refraction of light.. there are also cuts for 81 (?) and 107 -unique cuts which are super expensive. lol.
am also looking through the swaroski collection. haha

Songs which I hope they'd do:

1) Trick (from new album) - i like this song better than their 'The Boys'. lol.
2) The Boys - English Version (from new album) i suspect they'd start the concert with this song. haha.
3) Into the new world (from first album)
4) Oh! (from their Oh! album) - i really like this song even though it's cutsey. hoho. i wish they'd come out with a japanese version of this song.
5) Day by Day (from Oh! album) - i really like the MV of this song. hahaa. nothing beats a simple video of their facial expressions.
6) Gee (from Oh! album) - I like the Japanese version, though I think they'd do the Korean version. haha.
7) Genie (from Oh! album) - I wish they'd do the Japanese version too. LOL.
8) Run Devil Run (from Japanese album)
9) I'm in love with the hero (from Japanese album)
10) Hoot

I suspect they'd do the following:
1) Let it rain (from Japanese album) - fits with Singapore's weather? LOL
2) Lady Marmalade (Taeyeon and Tiffany duet)
3) some solo song by Jessica D:
4) Hinmae

preparing to memorize SNSD songs for the concert on Friday :)
preparing to do notes for training up the core people in M for leading the people :)
preparing presents!

feeling a sort of reluctance towards work. a disinterest in work.

love the low notes. haha. and the sudden high note. haha

forever drawn to beauty in people.
and beauty itself.

i like this song!

Reposting this from Huan Yan's blog. Ming Siew (the lady missionary from OM who hosted us through the trip shared this with us on the last day):

Fellowship of the Unashamed
I am a part of the fellowship of the Unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, back up, let up, or shut up until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

during my Japan trip, i was stuck with a cho, a pseudo sang and a mel-cho (?). hahaa. and my natural tendency was to gravitate to the phleg people from Emmaus >_< being surrounded by people, i found myself sinking more and more into the mel side, trying to find a corner to be by myself, to reflect through things, but was unable to do so.
hahaha.
but all in all, was quite comfortable with the general mix of the people there (14 of us in all:D) hahaa. i guess the emmaus people does remind me of my LG as well? hahaa. oh my LG, i missed you all!
i missed my shepherd as well! and my close friends. wahhaa. throughout the trip i was thinking of Rachel, Venetia, Justin, Jiali, Florence...
i really liked some of the people i met though :) like Shiyun (hahaa. she's my entertainer through the trip), JD (he always makes me laugh during the times we work), Yi Xin (my sleeping partner!).. i guess I like people whom i can play with. hahahaa.

Careers for the NF "Idealists" (INFP, ENFP, INFJ, ENFJ)

The Idealists are quite different from the Rational NTs discussed above, and will generally prefer different types of careers. While the NTs gravitate towards the sciences, most NFs do not find such objective and dry topics to their interest. According to Keirsey, the Idealists are on a search for their "true self" and want to make the world a better place to live by helping others. Integrity matters.

NF types with ADD often get by in school and might even do well, depending on their particular circumstances, but they are highly sensitive to criticism and classroom setting. NFs are particularly prone to imaginative daydreaming, even the ones who are not ADD.

According to Keirsey, "Novelists, dramatists, television writers, playwrights, journalists, poets, and biographers are almost exclusively NFs." These are the writers who wish to "inspire and persuade." Note: Most of the personal ADD websites are undoubtedly written by NFs. This is somewhat interesting because Intuitive ADDers often have reading and writing problems, even those who consider themselves to be compulsive readers and writers! I've had several NF ADDers comment that they took ADD medication so they could read better or write with less editing. But it is not so much the "writing" per se as the release of ideas which most attracts the NF. And ADDers are definitely full of ideas.

Idealists are also drawn to teaching, where they are highly over represented. In the teaching field, they often end up arguing with the more common SJ types about how things should be run, arguing on behalf of students or alternative teaching styles. Other fields which NFs are often attracted to are psychiatry, ministry, and acting.

Like the NTs, the NFs are easily bored and often restless, even those who are not ADD. NFs may plan for job or career changes from time to time in order to keep things interesting and challenging.

More detail from "Please Understand Me":
ENFJs "make superior therapists, charismatic teachers, excellent executives, and personalized salespersons." To be avoided: accounting. "Almost any people-to-people occupation where personal, sustained contact is involved" will be best for the ENFJ. However, they "experience some degree of restlessness whatever their jobs."
"INFJs make outstanding individual therapists" and "often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations which involve interacting with people on a one-to-one basis."
"ENFPs have a remarkable latitude in career choices and succeed in many fields."
INFP "career choices may be toward the ministry, missionary work, college teaching, psychiatry, architecture, psychology -- and away from business."

The ADD NF: The specific job setting is likely to make the difference for an NF who is ADD. Most importantly, try and find a particular job within your field which has a minimum amount of paperwork or be sure there is reliable support staff. A career of successfully helping people should keep an NF interested in their work, and an interested ADDer is a focused (or hyperfocused) ADDer.

finds it interesting that everybody asked me about the happenings of the phone, but nobody asked how i am.

the song for Melissa's walk in at the church wedding.
very very nice! :)

yesterday i met a fellow sang-mel (but she's a sang mel cho) and she was super fun to play with!:D hahahaa.
didn't have a dull moment with her at all (though i was super sleepy). hahaa. i enjoyed the time :) (even though the atmosphere was sombre cos of the context it was in)

first knew about this song from Serene who sang it during KTV. haha

i was just thinking that at the age of 25, i don't think i've matured enough to be a woman who can 进得了厨房，如得了厅堂。so i wanna build myself up in this area :) hahaa. to be self disciplined in different aspects (haphazardly changing things and praying for changes in different areas, such that i grow each day).
while recovering from my diarrhoea, i also got reminded of how we're always expecting things to happen quickly, like at the snap of fingers. but our body, or the world itself, doesn't operate in such a quick manner. we need days for the body to recover. we need days for the world to change. we need days for ourselves to change. and we need days for the effects of things to take place :)
but as long as i am consistent in the change, the small bit of changes build up over time and accumulate into something great :)

nice rendition! :)

between baby boys and baby girls, baby girls are definitely cuter! hahaha

学校の男の人たくさんも結婚しています。ときどき、神様に感謝します。わたしのタイプから、誘惑するものがあります。Hahahaha!

it's the season for farewells.
the farewell of a colleague whom i'm more comfortable with, and will be sad to see leave.
the farewell of fellow counsellors who were in the same batch as me.
the preparation of a farewell of something very close which will happen 6 months later.
ah.

--------------------------
was sleeping yesterday night when chi woke me up with whimpering sounds. she'd stop whenever i stroke her forehead, but start again when i stop. i wonder what kind of dream she was having O_O

bought Habibi :) and finished it in 2 hrs! lol
it's a little too exotic and explicit for my liking. haha
i prefer Blankets in terms of story plot, but the drawings in Habibi are simply astounding.

LOL. SNSD tickets sold out within 10 minutes of special Samsung mobile pre-sales. this is madness O_o all 5500 tickets are sold.
i was in conference when i received smses from junyao informing me of the updates. wahh. lots of black market sales going on now. hahaaaaaaaa

on a totally random note, i think why i like SNSD is cos as a girl group, they're quite funny. hahahaa. their appearances on variety shows crack me up everytime (e.g. hello baby, Taeyeon and Syeohyun on We Got Married, the whole group on Win Win, Champagne and the likes).

it's actually quite irritating how there's a delay in the sinking in of 'reactive emotions' towards events. like for this, it's a 9 months delay.
it's as if my body went into strict denial for 9 months, and in a time when it's finally safe (or rather, now that there's time to deal with them) to acknowledge the emotions, the denial lapses and everything floods in.
and i'm left wondering why i'm angry and disappointed with the person after a 9 months lapse.

ADHD:

hyperactivity -
one example:
You may get bored easily. Boredom begins to set in about 15 minutes after you begin a project, or a few months after you begin a new job. You find TV boring, the computer is better, a little more interactive, but still becomes boring. You have an intense need to make everything in life a little more interesting. You food contains more spices, your desk contains toys, your life is filled with gadgets that looked great at the store but you lost interest when you got home.
another example (i used to get scolded for this a lot. haha. like all the way from when i was very young i was scolded for this. then ppl kept giving me strategies (e.g. junting asked me to write down my thoughts first)
You may interrupt others or answer a question before the other person is finished. Entering in a conversation in the middle of someone else’s sentence can be embarrassing and lead to others thinking that you are rude and inconsiderate.
Example #3:
You may become restless after a few minutes of inactivity. Time to sit down to a relaxing evening with your partner and 15 minutes later you are ready to go and do something, or you begin to fade in and out of the conversation, planning what else you can do. You spend your day at work walking around and talking, getting coffee, making phone calls or anything else you can do to relieve the restlessness from sitting at a desk.

Emotional Turmoil:
You may become easily angered. Do you find your temper rising over the smallest incident? Does your family and friends wonder why you can get angry so quickly? At the same time, are you able to release your anger quickly, left wondering what all the fuss is about?
--> used to say that my emotions come very fast, but they disappear very fast too. ah well

things that scare me in the night:
1) my mum using her handphone to look for things in the living room. from my view, it's only a light floating around O_o she spooked me in the same way for 2 nights in a row!
2) calls from my other ftsc/counsellees at 12+am >_<

nice voice! :)

needing a second opinion, i asked a fellow sister.
and realized that i'm not the only one with those opinions.
and realized that my reaction was quite normal.
and realized that my perception had been right.

there're a few things that tick me off very strongly.
1) injustice
2) exclusivity without reason (e.g. not supposed to be exclusive, but became exclusive).
3) unfounded rejection

personally offensive to me and makes me go 'what the heck'.
discouraging as well.
all negative words.
haha

i'm quite excited! i'm starting on a new project! :D even in the midst of preparations for the STMs. hahaa.
yayyyy.

energized by discussion on how to better help and bless a dear sister :)

~people you've been before
that you don't want around anymore
and you push and you shove
they won't bend to your will
i'd keep them still~

the scars of broken covenants and broken promises ache on rainy days.

I found a new remedy to cramps! :D:D
sitting cross-legged helps to relieve my bad cramps! (why am i declaring this on my blog?)
but it really helps! hahahaa.
:D i can concentrate so much better now.

everyone's been talking about the 2 year old toddler.
reminds me of the time when i witnessed a dog being hit by a car, and nobody (other than this kind man after asking a few people) wanted to help me to carry its body to the side of the road so it won't get run over by any other cars.
reminds me of the times when i myself felt too tired to get a student down to talk to her even after hearing that she's been cutting herself.
issit really something that's only happening now? or is it more a matter of apathy rearing its ugly head in the media.
how many people will get shaken by this and then subsequently go on not to continue in their apathy towards the various things in society today?

From 'The Gift of Therapy' by Yalom:
"Those who are cradlers of secrets are granted a clarifying lens through which to view the world - a view with less distortion, denial, and illusion, a view of the way things really are."

having bad cramps :(
and i'm feeling lightheaded even though i'm sitting down.
i hope this doesn't happen next month!

hee.
this is koped from SNSD's newest MV (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pA_Tou-DPI&feature=feedu) :D
i love Taeyeon's look (the one i captured.. not her clothes. haha)
and the second person is Tiffany :)

i was quite affected by this unexpected case yesterday in school.
it was a lot of misdirected anger and frustration and mistrust. i guess it would have been therapeutic for the student, but at the end of the session, i felt super drained.
and it lasted till this morning. woke up feeling unmotivated to go to work. like no desire or passion to go to work at all.
shifting my glance towards God helped though :)
and having my dad drive me to school helped too :)

o_o
attending 2 wedding dinners on consecutive nights in November.
and thinking about whether I should go for the Japan relief missions :\

lol. no idea why i've been having headache and backaches for the whole of yesterday night to this morning :( took panadol just now cos it felt like i was going to have a fever. hahaa.
i dreamt that i was stranded in Thailand yesterday. hahaha. so funny.
i still remember vividly that the plot was as follows: we were staying at a friend's house (i dun remember who the we were...) and on saturday morning, when i was about to depart for my flight back to Singapore, i checked my ticket and realized that the flight was supposed to be the night (Friday night) before! wahaha. super funny. and thus i realized that i've already missed my flight. and immediately i got reminded of Florence and Serene! LOL
i remembered thinking in the dream that I don't have enough money to fly back, and since I'm already stranded in Thailand, i might as well spend more time here. lol. anyway, my friend's parents helped me to buy tickets to go back home, but in return, i had to help them with housework that kinda thing. haha.
so funny.

LOL!　looks like I'm not the only one who thought that going for blood donation together is a memorable activity to do together :P

so funny.
SNSD's Tiffany logged into Soshified (international fansite)'s shoutbox yesterday morning, and everyone kinda went mad. hahaa.

“Our therapy sessions were very helpful to me, although I did hit on her on a couple of occasions. She was the consummate professional. We concluded our sessions and are now involved in a loving sexual relationship. It was a relationship which developed after our meetings. We have been together now for 10 years. I love her so much. She is everything to me as I am to her!"

--> -_- this is also SUPER UNPROFESSIONAL. under the guidelines, you're not supposed to be romantically involved in a relationship (at least for 6 yrs) with someone whom you've counselled before. in the first place, isn't it weird? like one-sided.

Am reading up on transference (again).
saw this online:
"I am 46 and have been to several male therapists with whom I've had no transference. I feel as though he took advantage of my vulnerability and the fact that my relationship with my husband was unhealthy and screwed up at that time. He also would take me out to lunch regularly, tell me how he'd be "willing to take me out for a glass of wine", etc. There was never any touching between us."
--> O_O
what kind of therapist actually does that? that's BEYOND professional standards of counselling and therapy! no wonder the lady was having transference issues -_-

"The therapist as parent in this type of transference may have to endure some pretty strong anger from the patient. This is in part helpful because it allows the child to express feelings that were too dangerous to express in an abusive or neglectful setting. Once these feelings of anger and grief are expressed, the patient often feels a relief, as if he or she had actually confronted his own parents."
--> i once used this in a counselling session with a girl. sensed that she was transferring her experiences towards other friends towards me, along with constant rejection, a sort of a push and pull relationship of sorts.
not easy to have gone through that period of time (like have to consistently and constantly establish a routine and stable and accepting meetup for around 3 months). thank God that period of time is over and due to that, i could help her to make sense of the bullying in her life in the past.

typing this down sort of an account of what happened. haha

looking forward to my KL trip with Clara and Serene! :D
am excited also to have them experiencing the world I experience!
hope we'd all learn much from the counselling conference! :D

"Let’s say I have just one hour to focus on house cleaning. Normally I would start in one room and concentrate all my efforts on the room, and most likely one thing on that room – perhaps the closet. That leaves the other rooms untouched and the remainder of the room looking just as messy as before."

--> WAHAHAHA. that's what happens to me! WAHAHAHA

Hyperfocus is the term used to describe when an ADHD individual is immersed in an activity he or she finds interesting. Many parents are familiar with hyperfocus as it applies to TV and video games. You may have heard parents ask, “Why can my child sit for 12 hours in front of a computer game, yet he is unable to do homework for 5 minutes?” Hyperfocus answers this question. Since ADHD children cannot regulate their attention, they will be engrossed by something they find interesting while neglecting important areas of their lives.

When ADHD children or adults are in the zone of hyperfocus, they may lose track of time and reality. Hours seem like minutes and the outside world is distant to them. On the good side, a list of ADHD positive characteristics includes hyperfocus because it can be an asset for innovative types like scientists, artists, writers, and inventors. On the bad side, hyperfocus may lead to tight deadlines, the tendency to be tardy, and misunderstandings in relationships.

--> this probably explains why i could play Aardwolf for 6 hrs straight :X

From an article about ADHD in women :

Does ADHD in women show up the same way it does in men?
Women and girls with ADHD are more likely to internalize symptoms and become anxious. Symptoms most often reported by women are dysphoria [unhappiness], inattention, organization problems and impulsive behaviors.

For men, it tends to be external motor activity; for girls it’s more fidgeting and twirling their hair. With females [you see more] hyper-talkativeness. They’re out of control emotionally.

From another site:
It is a misunderstanding that those with ADHD cannot concentrate and focus, because they often can. The difference is that they can intensely focus on what is of interest to them at the time (like swimming or video games) but have difficulty with subjects or tasks not of their choosing (like homework assignments on topics they don't like or group activities). They may feel overwhelmed when trying to organize and complete other assignments or responsibilities, leading to increased stress. In essence, they space out because of this overload.

This is in contrast to those without ADHD, as they are still able to focus and follow through with an uninteresting task without being distracted. They can organize, remember conversations, plan, socialize and balance, even when stressed by multiple assignments or life needs.

my symptoms are catching up with me. sigh.

heh. thought i'd post this up here :)
cos found i think through this i learned 2 things about myself:
1) i greatly hesitate about doing things/writing letters/buying things for others. hahaa. cos i think i'm rather scared that they'd take it wrongly, or that it's too intense, or that they'd think i'm weird. hahaa. so i keep controlling myself. and end up giving things late, or i'd take like 4 weeks to finally offer to help do something :X hahaa. this card is another example. i finished writing it and wanted to not give it cos dunno if the teacher will find it weird. in the end, i think she was quite touched. hahaa.
2) partly wrote this card cos there was a sensing in my heart that she was somewhat lonely/down due to her birthday coming, and thought that it would be nice to help our sensei to see that Singapore doesn't have to be a lonely place :) i mean, it's not easy to travel to another country to work by herself. heh. glad to have allowed God to work through me.

had music practice earlier on. haha. praise and worship practice for robert's and melissa's wedding.
my first time helping out in a wedding! am so excited :)
was blessed by the fellowship tonight. haha. people whom i'm comfortable with and can just be myself. people whom i enjoy the presence of :) (hahaha. maybe cos more than half the room were sanguines! hahaha. and the other half was like phlegs. hahaa. so you have nicely sang people and nicely phleg people and you have my favourite combi of people:D hee. well. not really, but it just fitted nicely today. haha)
made a new friend too -->jocelyn from adults grp :) our quiet pianist. haha.
had a good time with melissa as well. we were preparing fruits together for the rest of the people :) had a good time talking to her and getting to know her more! she really has the gift of serving :) she keeps seeking to serve other people :)
am glad to be able to serve alongside 2 of my ex CLs! privileged :) haha. and to be able to have good fellowship in huichun and weizhu's house.
had a good chat with jiadai too! :) to be able to listen to her share. was greatly encouraged to have someone in the same counselling sector, and to be able to hear her share about her life :) thank God for her openness :)

i think my mum's language of love is gifts. lol.
she thinks that whenever ppl buy things back, it's a show of affection.

headache.
pain around eye region.
cramps.
back ache
stuffed nose
sore throat
loss of voice

hahaa. am still thankful it's remaining as a cold though.
though the headache's really getting to me. haha. pain.
finished reading 'the upside of irrationality'! haha. do read it if u have the chance. pretty interesting detailing of social experiments and implications :D

heh.
am getting slowly tired of rejections.
of people whom i message who don't reply my messages cos they're running away from God.
of people whom i message who don't reply my messages/answer my calls cos they're running away from school.
each one a cut on my already scarred hands. each one requiring an additional amount of effort to want to still love the people. each one requiring God to continue to do the healing work.

yesterday i went to sleep slightly before 2am. i fell into sleep and dreamt that i was in a place when terrorists (?) came in with guns. and they got all of us to squat. i didn't feel fear in the beginning. until they started to shoot at someone i cannot see (blocked by boxes (?) tables (?)) and the person started screaming. and then someone else started screaming too. and i remember that's when i started to fear and had to tell myself to remain clear and calm.
and i woke up.
it was 2.14am.
and i remember asking myself how i'd respond if i'm really in that situation. and thinking how glad i am tt i'm not. and for the first time, feeling a tad of how it's like to have the threat of a gun to my head.
and really being thankful that it was just a dream.

Just finished playing http://www.gamezebo.com/games/awakening-dreamless-castle/review. Quite enjoyable! :D short game. only used 2 hrs and 40 mins. and i had to use up my bigfishgame credits. hahaha.
loved the graphics and the music :D and the fact that the puzzles are not too high or too easy. quite amusing at times (amusing to me la. haha)
straight forward game play :D
i've bought the other 2 Awakening titles too. hahaa. nicely used up my game credits.
glad to have a satisfying and enjoyable game! :D

haha. today's a pretty interesting day.
had free buffet lunch today cos the swc (staff welfare comm) went down for food tasting for this friday's staff dinner :D food at ywca coffee house is surprisingly good. hahaha. and there's nobody around! it's abt SGD$20 after GST and service charge. well worth it, i'd say. no salmon sashimi though.
had compliments from colleagues on my blue dress (the one from bangkok). hahaa. feels so weird.
my swc head sent me an sms complimenting my dress (again), and asked where he can get it so that he can buy it for his wife. so sweet! hahaa.
actually bought 3 books today. "the upside of irrationality" by Dan Ariely (which is a pretty good book!), the other is Sophie's world (i was like WOW! grab! haha). it's 3 for the price of 2, so i grabbed another thriller (which i can't remember the name of. hahaha).
i actually went into Times wanting to buy 'what the dog sees' by the malcolm person. in the end i didn't buy that book. hahaha

changing my ministry of 3 and a half years..

meeting with my shepherd refreshes me :) haha.
i find that i can't sustain talking about nonsensical or hala hala things for long . haha

i think that people who primarily listen to english songs has a slightly different view of love than people who primarily listen to chinese songs.
somehow or another, english songs tend to treat love slightly more flippantly, as if love can be played with, or it starts more simply. not all, but mainstream songs are somewhat like that?
whereas for chinese songs, love is sung about patience, about letting go, about treasuring a person.
not sure if i'm being fair to make a judgement like this. haha. just something that recurs in my thoughts whenever i listen to chinese vs english songs. heh

it's frustrating when i can't seem to do the things i want to do.
苦やし！

Presented by a clinical psychologist, Dr. Gideon Arulmani, Director of The Promise Foundation India, and International Fellow of the National Institute for Career Education & Counselling (Cambridge, UK) and a professional storyteller, Kamini Ramachandran, Co-Founder of MoonShadow Stories and President of the Storytelling Association (Singapore), this workshop will bring two disciplines, namely, storytelling and counselling together and explore storytelling as a counselling technique. The speakers will present the cultural preparedness approach as a conceptual framework that could guide the development of counselling interventions that are responsive and relevant to felt needs.

--> going for this tmr! :D hahaa. sponsored by school. woohoo!
guess i'd put my gestalt on hold :P

hahahaa.
for the first time, my principal came up to me and said 'the front was a bit fast.. the teachers need to know what resilience is. but overall, good presentation'

wahahahaa yay

:)
i can't do it. hahaa.
i think it'd take some time. haha. maybe half a yr? maybe one yr?
maybe never? hahaa
but ah well :)

my recent delight lies in watching Heston's Feasts on youtube. haha. learning about the history of some foods in some eras, and seeing creativity at work is a treat for my soul.
love it when i see imagination and creativity at work!

the downside to being an accountability partner is that you look at some of the sites that appear in the list and have to think about how to confront the person after that.

Thai Life Insurance Melody of Life

hahaa.
Not being able to concentrate on one task for long, this is what my tabs usually look like at 3pm in the afternoon

Full of uncompleted articles to read, and the things I need to attend to.
They will slowly disappear as the day goes by, as I keep switching from one tab to another, and eventually finishing them :). lol
Thank God for a good memory. hahaahaa

Taylor Swift - Mean

and the fast song. haha

Vanessa Carlton- The One ( With Stevie Nicks)

singing this as the slow song :) hahaaaaa.
pop rock is such a hard genre to define and find.

i guess, in a way, it's kind of expected... knowing the kind of guy he is, and it always seems that he's held out for her through the many years.
and i guess in a way, it doesn't make sense to me when some people change the people they like so quickly. because if that's so, i'd think that it's a matter of lust and infatuation, rather than love. for love perseveres, and holds on, and continues to despite circumstances that occur. and if it can fade away so easily, then how can that love last through the many decades that are to follow? what will happen in the times of hardship? in times when things seem bleak, in times when sacrifice is needed? a love that imitates Christ's love for the church.
i'm just sad that i can't celebrate their togetherness together with the family of God. to rejoice in them together, to participate in their progress, and witness the process coming to past.

was reading a brother's former blog post and i remembered why i enjoyed the melancholic side in me :)
it's 'cos of the sensitivity to the nuances in emotions. the ability to identify with what is wistful.

I went to Yamazaki Sensei's class today. No idea why I thought the sensei's a male.. turns out that she's a female. haha. nice, energetic sensei, a little like me (keeps laughing at things). haha. but not as detailed as Horiuchi sensei. hahaa.
the sensei is nice, but the class ah... aiyoh. dunno whether it's cos there're more working adults in the class, or cos the ppl are all not very good, but the class is less enthusiastic. lol. i prefer my class. more participative :) haha. it's a pity! considering tt Yamazaki sensei is so enthusiastic. haha.
maybe it's complementary. hahaa.

choosing to make the right decision is not easy when making the right decision brings about hardship and pain temporarily.
but go past that initial hurdle, and you'd realize that things are so bright before u :)

From Michael's post on facebook
"Immanuel" (God is with us) is a wonderful word to sum up what happened throughout the weekend. Thank you Ps Jeff and Claudia for leading all of us to love God and follow Him wholeheartedly. Thank you Hope Conference committee. You did an incredible job. And now may we experience "Immanuel" tangibly wherever God has placed us in everyday. :)
--> AMEN! this word came to me when I was praying during Kairos night too.

must constantly remind self that we're all on the same side.

yay.
i'm procrastinating.
haha.

the thing about being a sang is when you're at home, and alone, all you can do is to have lots of ideas popping up in your head, and nobody to tell them to. hahaa.
so you write it out on a blog, because blogs are read, ain't they? ;)

anyway, i'm not here to write about an idea. i'm here to help myself concentrate. hahaa.
missing japanese class this sunday cos of conference! will be joining another teacher's class next tuesday instead. Yamazaki sensei O_o
My sensei is Yoruichi sensei :D she's a friendly sensei who's smiling most of the time, but can tell she thinks too. haha. she's from Osaka, always avoids the qns on age, came to Singapore cos she wants to be a Japanese language teacher, and has been in Singapore only for less than half a year. hahaa. she's very patient with us. wahaha. she looks pretty young, so my guess is that she's either around my age, or less than 30.
i think that's all we know about her. hahaa.
conference is tmr and i'm unprepared!

sharing a picture of the swollen area on leg!


what's wrong with my body's reaction to insect bites? :(

The Staff Meeting that was originally scheduled to take place on Friday 9 Sep (during the 1-week Sep School Holiday Period) has been cancelled.

As such, staff who are not required to attend to any official duties / work commitments and have the intention to go overseas for a short vacation may do so anytime between Friday 2 Sep (School Holiday as it is Teachers' Day) and Saturday 10 Sep.

All teachers should be back in Singapore latest by Saturday 10 Sep at 11:59pm so that you will have at least one full day rest before Term 4 starts on Mon 12 Sep.

best news in months. haha

Exhausted.
finally my second case presentation is over :) took lesser time to prepare than i thought.
sleeping for 4 hrs and waking up at 5am is no joke when you're already sleep deprived. wahaha.
realized that thinking of case conceptualization at 5am in the morning helps me to wake up though :) lol
thought i could go back early after counselling to sleep today, but had a last minute arranged meeting instead. hoho. God may You sustain me :)
looking forward for thursday when i can finally sleep early!

why am i up at 5+ in the morning?
cos i'm finishing up case presentation preparation!
why didn't i do it earlier?
cos last week was super packed, and i couldn't take the video before last week due to constraints.
why didn't i finish it last night?
cos i was falling asleep at 10+ at night, and i could hardly concentrate at 12am!

this is the list of careers generated for ENFJs

Career Average
'Enjoyment'
Score (max=6) n
Writing 5.6 (6)
The Arts 4.9 (10)
Counselling 4.8 (17)
Home Making 4.7 (7)
Psychology 4.6 (3)
Training 4.5 (12)
Teaching 4.4 (65)

interesting right!

Your natural style is probably as an ideological leader. Ideological leaders achieve through the promotion of ideals and values. They keep the focus of the group on those things that are most important. Ideological leadership is founded on a strong belief system that is shared by the group. It focuses effort on supporting those beliefs or championing causes with which they are associated.

Your second natural style is probably as a participative leader. Participative leaders achieve through people, through team work, and through collective involvement in the task. Participative leadership involves building collective ownership and commitment within the group. Participative leaders make people feel valued as an integral part of the team so that everyone achieves the goals through relationships and cooperative teamwork.

Careers for the NF "Idealists" (INFP, ENFP, INFJ, ENFJ)

The Idealists are quite different from the Rational NTs discussed above, and will generally prefer different types of careers. While the NTs gravitate towards the sciences, most NFs do not find such objective and dry topics to their interest. According to Keirsey, the Idealists are on a search for their "true self" and want to make the world a better place to live by helping others. Integrity matters.

NF types with ADD often get by in school and might even do well, depending on their particular circumstances, but they are highly sensitive to criticism and classroom setting. NFs are particularly prone to imaginative daydreaming, even the ones who are not ADD.

According to Keirsey, "Novelists, dramatists, television writers, playwrights, journalists, poets, and biographers are almost exclusively NFs." These are the writers who wish to "inspire and persuade." Note: Most of the personal ADD websites are undoubtedly written by NFs. This is somewhat interesting because Intuitive ADDers often have reading and writing problems, even those who consider themselves to be compulsive readers and writers! I've had several NF ADDers comment that they took ADD medication so they could read better or write with less editing. But it is not so much the "writing" per se as the release of ideas which most attracts the NF. And ADDers are definitely full of ideas.

Idealists are also drawn to teaching, where they are highly over represented. In the teaching field, they often end up arguing with the more common SJ types about how things should be run, arguing on behalf of students or alternative teaching styles. Other fields which NFs are often attracted to are psychiatry, ministry, and acting.

Like the NTs, the NFs are easily bored and often restless, even those who are not ADD. NFs may plan for job or career changes from time to time in order to keep things interesting and challenging.

More detail from "Please Understand Me":
ENFJs "make superior therapists, charismatic teachers, excellent executives, and personalized salespersons." To be avoided: accounting. "Almost any people-to-people occupation where personal, sustained contact is involved" will be best for the ENFJ. However, they "experience some degree of restlessness whatever their jobs."
"INFJs make outstanding individual therapists" and "often select liberal arts as a college major and opt for occupations which involve interacting with people on a one-to-one basis."
"ENFPs have a remarkable latitude in career choices and succeed in many fields."
INFP "career choices may be toward the ministry, missionary work, college teaching, psychiatry, architecture, psychology -- and away from business."

The ADD NF: The specific job setting is likely to make the difference for an NF who is ADD. Most importantly, try and find a particular job within your field which has a minimum amount of paperwork or be sure there is reliable support staff. A career of successfully helping people should keep an NF interested in their work, and an interested ADDer is a focused (or hyperfocused) ADDer.

sleepy this morning.
actually.
very sleepy.

haha. today was a mad rush from place to place.
but was really quite refreshed :)
had counselling, then had hope supervision when i presented my case.
then rushed down to japanese class 15 mins late >_<
and had shepherding :)
but enjoyable! :D hahaa. i was not as tired as i thought i would be.. and i really learned a lot today =D

in my counselling, i am guided by:

1) person-centered therapy
2) psychodynamic theory

i have the following therapy

1) mainly affective interventions (e.g. psychodyanmic and gestalt)
2) behavioural
3) cognitive
4) systemic

lol.
systemic is usually my ending approach. didn't even realize i use a lot of psychodynamic until i evaluated my own methods and how it helps the clients.
using a lot of behavioural with my lower sec students, and a lot of affective with my Hope counsellees

preparing for the case discussion for Hope Counselling tmr.
and i've got another case discussion (also unprepared) for tuesday. that one even worse. need to show video. haha.
paperwork is so bothersome. helps me to consolidate though. lol.
and i've not filled in my SARS form D:

next week is packed. haha.
i hope i survive.
actually weekend is packed too.

sat - backup singing, service, yg event.
sunday - counselling, hope counselling supervision, japanese lessons, shepherding
monday - work (preparation of case presentation on tuesday, preparation for anger management course, board games day with students) and meetup with rachel
tuesday - cluster supervision in the morning (while students are having YAP). oooh. afternoon is free for me to clear admin stuff!
wednesday - TOP for students in morning, anger management course in the afternoon. means no time to do any work. hoho. japanese lang lessons at night.
thursday - preparation for SPS visit, admin stuff. on course in the afternoon.
friday is SPEECH DAY.

oh man.
no time to meet my students for counselling except for tuesday afternoon and friday :(

Feeling the start of emotional depletion.
God! i need Your strength!

i just want to show off the number of notes i've received today during japanese lanaguage class. hahaa.
here it is:

and there're fun things to do - e.g. mini crossword puzzle and mini finding the word. haha
teacher is japanese and doesn't really know english :(

my classmates are quite okay. haha. very mixed. got friendly people =) a few bankers. interesting.
i'm exhausted.
first lesson, and it was already tiring. haha. i could catch up cos i've learned before. but i think the rest are dying. like really dying.
and to think tt the next session is on sunday! O_O
got dictation on sunday!
oh ya. forgot to mention, the notes and the cd are in addition to the textbook (and the cd that comes with the textbook) that we have!

for brothers and sisters who struggle with pornography, there's a software called x3watch provided by XXXchurch.com which will track the questionable websites that you visit.
your accountability partner will receive an email from them once every 2 weeks.

a brief excerpt from the email i received:
"X3Watch is free accountability software provided by XXXchurch.com - a non-profit organization which exists to bring awareness, openness, accountability and recovery to the church, society, and individuals in the issues of pornography."

have to prepare a case presentation for my group supervision next tuesday, and a case presentation for the Hope group training this sunday.
o_o
perfect week to brush up on my counselling techniques. haha

Counselling provides people with an opportunity to help deal with their difficulties, whatever they may be. It is a chance to be listened to and understood. The relationship between counsellor and client is a special one. It is built around trust and support and offers clients a place free from judgement. As such, it is important that there are a number of boundaries and support mechanisms in place to ensure the needs of the client are met. These boundaries should be apparent whether you receive counselling face to face, online or over the telephone
The relationship must always remain professional. This is the case even if you have counselling for years and years. Clients and counsellors are not friends. This distinct difference allows your counsellor to retain a level of objectivity that a friend will struggle with when you go to them with your problems. Your friend may have a stake in the outcome of your problems that a counsellor will not have. For example, despite being supportive, your friend hopes you will split up with your boyfriend as they never liked him. You can get on really well with your counsellor but the relationship should always remain formal. If you suddenly start meeting outside sessions with your counsellor for coffee for example, this boundary is lost and the relationship is compromised. (there was once when i did go out with my counsellee as a reward for something she's done. though i made it very clear that it was a reward for the growth in what she was doing.)
Another boundary to be aware of is that counselling is not about telling you what to do. Counsellors will work towards self awareness and help promote change. Clients are regarded as experts in their own life and capable of making decisions. Counselling can help clarify these decisions and broaden perspectives. Again, this is how a counsellor can be more effective than a friend as it is so easy for a friend to give advice that may or may not be helpful to your particular experience. Ever known someone who responds to your problems by saying "I know what you mean, that happened to me", then launch into a totally unrelated story about themselves?
A client should always feel safe in a counselling relationship. There should not be any untoward touching, or interaction that the client feels is inappropriate. Related to the idea of safety, you will find counsellors like to begin and end sessions on time, therefore providing a space set aside just for clients, where the boundaries are clear.
Finally, sometimes a client may be referred to another support agency. This may happen if the counsellor acknowledges that the client can get better help elsewhere or if boundaries are broken. Counsellors do not have all the answers and they should never imply that they do.

An article on counselling and intimacy
http://www.dur.ac.uk/dave.robson/nat_sci_soc/talk/couns_int.html

gotta re-evaluate boundaries in my counselling relationships.
sensing some unhealthy transference in one of my longer term counsellees.

i realized that i need an ample amount of time to myself.
i feel disoriented when i don't have that ample amount of time to plan out things and reflect through things. haha.
realized that animation connects nicely with my students. must find more good animation videos!

heh. i slipped in my counselling today.
didn't prepare myself emotional and mentally for the intensity of the sharing of the session, and thus was affected more than i should have been.
not sure if that's a good thing (i've not grown numb towards things), or a bad thing (it affected me such that i found myself trembling after the session and had to pray).
praying for greater resilience and wisdom! :D

where'd you go?
i miss you so
seems like it's been forever
since you've been gone
please come back home

each year i get tempted by beauty.
last year was the lure of italy, and the speed of iphone 4.
this year, the one which tempts me comes in a thin, sleek form:
http://www.engadget.com/2011/03/28/samsung-series-9-900x-laptop-review/

i was going to type a long post griping about people's over obsession over money and safety. but i think at the end of the day, it's more of how i prefer my way of living life over others'.
but at least today, if i die, i can say that i've genuinely lived life. not because of the trips i've taken, or the things i've done, but rather, by the people i've shared life with, and by forging forward instead of holding back.

personal gripe: can't stand people who are always very safe, and am frustrated with people who keep changing their decisions.

i think comments are very potent.
i can still remember one of the most hurtful comments i've had in my life came from someone who i was supposed to look up to.
it was a comment which compared me to another sister.
and though i think i blogged about it before, and i don't hold a grudge towards the sister, the impact of the comment still remains.
such tt whenever i look at the other sister, subconsciously i'd have that statement pop up in my mind.
scary!
another one came just last yr. it was a comment which really upset me cos it caused me to question my identity. haha.
and funnily, it came from someone i really really trusted at that time.
and similarly, i dun hold a grudge towards that person, but i can't deny that whenever i talk to the person, the impact still remains.

haven't updated on new couplings. LOL.
heard of one new coupling a few weeks ago. hahaa.
hmm. kinda expected it. just tt this coupling took a few years to form.
glad for them!

realized tt i have a flair for spotting future couplings, or bumping into underground couples.
and a flair for spotting ppl with same sex inclinations.

sleepy.
just came back from going with the students to changi airport for their Time Out Programme.
realized that:
1) students really don't share as much to teachers as to external vendors (despite how close the teacher is to them)
2) point no. 1 affects me slightly because i like to know deep about people
3) i've grown in this area of point no.1 because i would have been quite affected in the past. now i just take it that everyone has different people they feel more comfortable to share to. i don't necessarily have to be the one.
4) there're some people whom i'm scared of asking deep, or of confronting. i'm not usually scared of confronting people, but am fearful of confronting some people.
5) no. 4 makes me go 'oh dear'.

the first surprise I have of today: a student i didn't expect to come, reaching early to meet me for the YAP, and being the only one to do so.
the first irritant of the morning: P coming in and complaining about the absentees in school.
the first reminder of the morning: Pastor Jeff's note on facebook to commit the day to the HS

choosing to focus on what's ahead, rather than let the negative beat me down :)

kiteflying. movies. walk and a picnic.
haha.
can't wait!

i read a graphic novel which contained compilations of artists' works on their response to 9/11 today. very touching. it's just a compilation of different thoughts/responses/viewpoints on the events of 9/11. some stories touched on people who survived and what happened to them, some on the family members, some on other people who have heard of the incident.. things like that. how it impacted them, how it moulded their thoughts.
there's a continual welling up of emotions, of sadness, of hope, of wander at the heroic actions of ordinary people, or amazement at how a tragic event like this could be turned into something hopeful.. i was particularly touched by a child's recount of a dream of his mother who was one of the police officers who helped save people during the 9/11 incident, but died. he continually stands up strong in view of life, cos his mum told him to.
it's about the things that really matter, now that death has stood before them. and about how to make sense of what has happened. it's about remembering, and continually recovering from the grief. it's about a replay of messages left on that day. it's about grace that's been shown, despite the pain that is abundantly present.
and though it happened around 10 years ago, i'm still touched by the responses shown through the graphic novel.
amazing how life is.

i think the good thing about being 25 is that you can continue to dream big for God :) or just to dream :D hahaha.
that's something i think i do quite well - dream.
have lost a bit of my dreams in these 2 years, what with jobs and what nots..
but recently, specifically in june, these dreams have been coming back :D wow. it's only been 28 days since the start of June.
i feel very rejuvenated. and refreshed.
physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually recharged.
found a programme online that allows me to go to work in Japan (though only for 1 yr) :O
approx 3,600,000 yen per annum (!! that's like at least 12K more than what i earn per year), and working for approx 35 hours per week (!! i work for around 45 hours per week!)
I'd have to pay for my own housing though.. and it'd not be in a big city (meaning, no Tokyo. hahaa)
something i can keep in mind i guess :)
i wanna study my japanese language first.

recently it struck me that i have a lot of time on my hands. LOL.
and it also struck me that i can use the time to do things that i like or learn things that i want to learn.
okay. don't ask why it's a realization to me. it just is.
it's like oohhh.. i can actually use this time to learn something i do want to learn, instead of planning for other people, or to help others to learn things they want to learn. wahaha.

so i think, i'm going to take up courses :D
specifically

1) japanese language courses (taking from the start! let me know if you'd like to join me. hee. most probably taking at Ikoma language school :) a little more expensive, but i wanna take all the way (meaning 5-7 years' worth of studying japanese. hahaa). as such, i want a good school. heard they give good notes :)

2) Hope Sem courses. i really enjoyed the hope sem courses i took in the past (OT Survey, NT Survey 1 and 2). maybe cos i really enjoy learning about the Word. hahaha. one of my pathways to God.

think these 2 would keep me rather busy. heh.

oh. i also recently realized (AGAIN) that i'm only 25. my gosh. i feel like i'm 30 at times. like a lot of years have passed since i've started working. at the very least, a lot of things have happened. i'm still not totally mature, but i feel more mature, and more hardworking >_< hahaha.

in the future, i would also want to take up

1) sign language (okay, i do have some fetish about languages. hahaha)
2) piano classes

i've been devouring books too (albeit many graphic novels. hahahaa). about an average of 5 per week (including proper storybooks).
maybe i DO have too much time on my hands? (but it doesn't seem that way leh. hahaha. maybe cos i travel a lot. and i read when i travel). haha.
quite enjoyable period of time :D hope this continues :D

[HQ] Born To Be A Lady - SNSD

I like this song :) maybe cos it's jpop-ish. haha. i like how it's feminine and hopeful. haha

shucks.
wanted to sleep early tonight to have macdonalds breakfast tmr.
now i double i'd wake in time. hahaa

despite my delight in solitude, i still can't stand discussing issues or serious matter over emails or msn conversations. D:
discussions should be done in person!

i realize that i need to get out of the house.
for 2 very practical reasons. haha.
1) to get things done. my planning is primarily done out of house. and done in bright air-con-y places (which made Tokyo a good place for me to be in because of the cold weather). if my room has aircon, it'd achieve the same purpose too i guess :)
2) i relish the time spent alone. haha. it's interesting. i realize that i enjoy the time alone cos it helps me to reconcile my thoughts. and though i'm alone, my thoughts keep on running, so it's rather enjoyable to hear my running thoughts. as well as to read and read and read. and plan. haha

getting bored of my job.
haha.
my mind wanders off in all directions again, thinking of doing things that earn me no revenue.
come on xinying. settle down your wandering mind to practical acts.
let's leave the daydreaming to another sunday

sleepy. haha. the girls only slept at 2.30am (and so did i), and the cold aircon (there were not enough blankets) woke me up. i ended up sleeping in the living room at 5+, feeling uncomfortable with lots of noises around. had to pray before feeling more comfortable and then dozing off, before waking up again at 6.45am cos my girls were up. haha.
but quite free now. the girls and guy are marinating stuff for the bbq later, and the trainer's with them. i'm like sitting in the aircon room slacking away. hahaa. and falling asleep. hahaa.

just spent a day with my students and the vendors :) on TOP camp.
turn out is quite disappointing. one's sick. one's not coming cos had to take care of siblings (??), one has work, one's gone to friend's birthday party -_- one's uncontactable O_o
having quality chats with the remaining ones though. finding out about their family situation, and what they're facing at this moment. at the age of 15-16, these students have seen their fair share of divorce, of having to work intensely during holidays cos of financial issues, of having to worry about family situations such as parents not having any work at all...things like that
hope to have more quality time with them :)

i found myself exclaiming this to ka la a la ma yi on the sunday just past
'i'm already 25! what have i been doing for the last 25 yrs?!?!'
i'm gonna die in about 50 yrs!
D:

Things that I would never be able to understand:

1) the love of God. why did He choose me to love me, to bless me, to help me, to be with me, to desire for me to grow, to desire for me to be in fellowship with Him?

2) the love of parents. despite being annoyed with them at times, why the desire to take care, the bothersome caring and fussing over?

3) the love of brothers and sisters in church. like, erm. we're not even related by blood. but the fact that we're bound by Spirit has caused me to witness love that i've not experienced before. what is friendship when compared to unconditional love shown? who am i to you that you would accept my nonsensical ways and still love me?

4) the love of my friends. haha. i think i know fantastic friends. fantastic people doing fantastic things in their lives. of all people, why choose me as your friend?

5) the forgiveness that i've received from various people in my life. i am truly humbled. that despite the wrongs i've done to people, or the inadequacies i've shown to them, or unfaithful moments, that they forgive me, and sometimes even affirm me.

6) the grace of God. that many a times, despite me doing nothing, or being unfaithful, or doing lots of boo boos, Your grace worked through me (and the fact that You still allowed Your grace to work through me O_o have i not muddled up Your plans enough? and yet, the audacity of me to think that i can meddle up God's plans. haha) that produced beautiful fruit in people. lovely people who desire to love You and desire to be obedient.

7) how people can leave God despite knowing Him.

thank You God, for the people in my life :)
felt protected this month, and much loved and accepted.
people who fought on my behalf, that for one of the first few times, i felt like 'wow, i'm taken care of'

finished persepolis! :D

:)
recently have had the chance to spend time/ talk more with some of my favourite people :D haha.
enjoyable :)
there's a sense of pleasure that wells up within me and stays :) don't know how to express it. all i can say is that it was enjoyable :D

finished 'the screwtape letters' :)
i like the chapter on time. and how we human beings always think that our time is our own, so we got to protect our time.
in fact, we forget that each second is a gift :)
applying back into my life, and i realized that i get more patient with my parents. haha.

organizing my room has become an eternal project. hahahaa.
i wish i can get paid for churning out ideas of things to do. hahaa.

on a more female note, i've recently been using hado labo facial wash (bought from Tokyo cos i forgot to bring my facial wash there. hoho). and i bought Moist Labo Bb Cream (only available in Japan) there as well. i tried both products, and it's been good to my skin! hahaa. especially the bb cream! my mini pimples kinda went down after using it =) hahaa.
sadly, i couldn't buy additional tubes of it cos it was sold out in the pharmacies i went to D:
not sure if it's the additional moisture provided by hado labo, or the effect of the bb cream.
at any rate, i think i'd be using them a little more :D

I watched Jane Eyre today :) caught the 10.30am show at Lido. Was pleasantly surprised to see that Lido has been renovated, and it certainly is classier and much more comfortable than it was before. having said that, combo no.4 (which comprised of a hot dog bun and a drink) was really quite terrible for the price that it asked for.
I liked the movie. quite a bit actually :) I liked the foreboding undercurrents that played through the movie, and the muted colours of the victorian age. i thought to myself about how nice it would be to be in that age, and then upon seeing how they deal with the kids then, i decided that it was good that i was not belonging to that period of time.
i enjoyed Jane's spunkiness and resilience through life and circumstances, and the conversations she has with the people around her. i like her steelness and her stillness, and pretty much enjoyed how the film played out in the end. it was not easy to catch some of the words due to the accent though, and the lack of subtitles were not exactly helpful.
i actually quite like the dynamism between Mr Rochester and her.. and here's a snippet of one of the most critical dialogues in the show (and no, it won't spoil the movie for u.. 'cos the acting out of the dialogue was intricately done, and could only be witnessed properly through the viewing of the movie) and i quite like the dynamism of it.

Rochester: I know you; you're thinking. Talking is of no use, you're thinking how to act.
Jane Eyre: All has changed sir. I must leave you.
Rochester: No. No. Jane do you love me.
[Jane nods]
Rochester: Then the essential things are the same. Be my wife.
Jane Eyre: You have a wife.
Rochester: I pledge you my honor, my fidelity...
Jane Eyre: You cannot.
Rochester: ...my love until death do us part.
Jane Eyre: What of truth?
Rochester: I would have told you the truth.
Jane Eyre: You are deceitful sir.
Rochester: I was wrong to deceive you. I see that now, it was cowardly. I should have appealed to your spirit as I do now. Bertha Antoinette Mason, she was wanted by my father for her fortune. I hardly spoke with her before the wedding. I lived with her for 4 years. Her temper ripened, her vices sprang up, violent and unchaste. Only cruelty would check her and I'd not use cruelty. I was chained to her for life Jane. Not even the law could free me. Have you ever set foot in a mad house Jane?
Jane Eyre: No sir.
Rochester: The inmates are caged and bated like beasts. I spared her that at least. Jane?
Jane Eyre: Yes I pity you sir.
Rochester: Who would you offend by living with me? Who would care?
Jane Eyre: I would.
Rochester: You would rather drive me to madness than break some mere human law.
Jane Eyre: I must respect myself.
Rochester: Listen to me. Listen. I could bend you with my finger and my thumb. A mere reed you feel in my hands. But whatever I do with this cage, I cannot get at you, and it is your soul that I want. Why can't you come of your own free will?
Jane Eyre: God help me.

:)
After Jane Eyre (dun expect an action flick though), i went down to Cineleisure for 2 more movies :X Pirates of the Caribbean, and Kungfu Panda 2 :D Pirates was entertaining with its beautiful visuals (once again), as well as the well planned moves of Jack Sparrow in all his nonsensical wittiness. haha. i liked Kungfu Panda 2's slant towards focusing on his past, of making sense of his past and finding his own identity, as well as the msg of how he may not have come from a good past, but it's what he does in the future that matters more. i like that msg, and i believe it would resonate with quite a few of us as well :)
i also finished the book i was reading "more than it hurts you" (which I've been trying to finish since bringing it to Japan. haha). it touched on Münchausen syndrome by proxy which was new and fresh to me (and a rather scary thought actually). and it does sound like a disorder, to be honest. was interesting :) the writing style was not particularly polished though. thought it could have been wtitten better. it was a gripping subject at any rate :)

singapore makes me miserable

friend posted this on facebook. love the colours and the vibrancy of everything =D

thank God for...
- being able to wake up on time for my flight! actually woke up a few times.. once at 5am (4am Singapore time), and finally at 5.30am to wash up and go off for my flight.
- for the japanese guy who so nicely helped me carry my 27.5kg luggage up the stairs of minamisenju (there was no lift in the south exit!), and then helped me carry it out at ueno before going back into the train again. made me feel so glad after tt. hahaa.
- for my flight seat partner (another japanese)! hahaa. due to the above, i was feeling charitable and helped him a little when i saw him continue to look at his immigration form for a LONG period of time. haha. with my limited japanese, i managed to help him with a few columns before i couldn't :\ but he was a nice seat partner. didn't move much, and let me out whenever i needed to go to the washroom. and he kept to his seat. so even though i had a window seat, i had a lot of room :)
- for the changi airport uncle who helped me lift my luggage onto the trolley! LOL. i couldn't really do it with my packs of stuff on hand.
- for my parents who came to fetch me after a phonecall :D
- for God for being my companion and protector through the time in Japan! :)
- for my cat who didn't shun me when i came back, but just stayed by my side throughout the whole time when i was trying to unpack and sort out my things. hahahaa

heh. actually i'm not tt interested to be the April in Will's life. seems like a role i adopted time and again and it just hurts me in the end.
makes me wonder why i keep adopting this role also. hmmm.
whyyyyyyyyyy

one doesn't fall in love. one rises up to love.
--> i find this expression a more accurate description of the things that love requires you to do. you have to rise up for it. rise beyond your own limitations, your own selfishness, your own plans, your own desires, for the sake of another.

To live one's passion means to be prepared to take a leap out of the comfort zone which is certainly not an easy thing to do. But there is a method which may help you do this easier. Take a look at yourself in the mirror. Now think about all the things that you could be doing. You are now looking at the one person preventing you from fulfilling your passion - how do you feel about that?

Many folks "wait for the right timing" before making a leap but there is never a right timing. What these folks are actually waiting for is a "comfortable exit" and there is no such thing. Living a passion is not an easy thing to come by and is only rewarded to those who take risks. Taking a risk willy nilly could be a bad thing but there is such a thing as a calculated risk.

--> yea man. though i believe that there is an actual right timing.. heh. but i also believe that sometimes we miss that right timing because we continue to be fearful of taking that leap. it's a balance between waiting on God for the right timing and taking the leap of faith ba. if it's the wrong timing, and u take a leap, it's not a leap of faith. haha. it's a leap of recklessness. hahaha

Got this from Danny's blog while searching up on Nakano Broadway. Thought this is interesting :)

"As a manager at Amazon, I drew a pie chart that my staff started to call "Danny's Pie" which if you say very fast could be made to sound like "Danny's Oppai."

The pie is divided into three - each piece is 8 hours. Presuming that you work 8 hours and sleep for 8 hours then you have 8 hours remaining which is one slice of the pie. I then start to cut up the remaining piece.
The 8 remaining hours is needed for things like personal hygiene, nourishment intake, health care (very important), cleaning, commuting and other chores which are important in life but generally don't contribute a whole lot to your career or personal development.

If you subtract the time needed for all the above from the final piece of the pie then all you would have left each day is 4-ish hours which you need to use on spending with friends/loved ones, entertainment/recreation and personal development - learning a new subject, beefing up current skills, researching etc.

Now imagine that you spent more than 8 hours at work. In order to do the other stuff, you would either have to sleep less or start to drop some of the other stuff. Some folks with long work hours drop "personal development" which I consider to be crucial to the development of an employee's life, career and well being.

Outside of work and sleep, if you are not getting your 8 hours then perhaps its time do something about it? Could it be the lack of your 8 hours that your Japanese studying is always put on the back burner?"

haha. i shall draw up my pie soon :)

vulnerable

Second day of the trip in tokyo :) starting to get used to the tokyo metro system, though getting around in large stations is still confusing and slightly frustrating for me. haha
i actually quite like the neighbourhood that i'm in, cos it's more sub-urbanish and not so crowded :) so quite few people around. our hotel owner/helper is also very nice.. in that they've been really friendly and helpful. for e.g. i need to transfer room on thursday morning, so need to check out, and then check in again. i wanted to send rachel off at Ueno station and then come back to check out the room, and then go out again, but the owner actually said that he'd pass me the keys to the other room so that i can shift my luggage there, and that in the morning i just have to deposit the key under the shutter for them. in that way, i don't have to come back just to check out (cos originally they only open at 7am, and if i deposit my bag and re-check in, i'd have to come back after 7am to do that since rachel is leaving before 7am) so nice of them.
haven't gone to any museums as of yet. hope to be able to do so after rachel leaves. heh. haven't gone to akiba yet either D: hahaha

enjoying different friendships! haha
can't wait to meet up to share :D

oh, the uselessness of certifications. hahaa

yay! i got my camera batt charged. haha.
thank God that i found it :D glad :)
here are some random photos. haha

Body Shop's having sales now :) bought 4 of these for $10. usual price is 3 for $12.90 :D hee. just nice for my tokyo trip :)




book that i'm reading at this moment :) present from my shepherd. hahaa. she bought one for herself too. hahahaa. i enjoy how each shepherd's different from each other :)


locked in an eternal staring contest:

feeling a little tired.
realized that my tolerance level is going down :(
am now more easily affected by the counselling sessions i have.
starting to be more draining.
on the other hand, there's been a big breakthrough in my hope counselling case. hope to be able to continue to help her with it.
my heart feels weak this morning. things tt happen at home.
and the continuous news of pple dying.
just received the news of a sister's grandpa's death.
weary, but not cynical of life.

today, i petted my cat, and said to it 'i delight in you. you're so cute!'
haha.
and suddenly it struck me, God delights in me too. not cos i've done anything for Him, but cos He chooses to delight in me.
and it brings me joy to delight in my cat
and it brings Him joy to delight in me

2 wakes.
in 2 days.
went for the brother's father's wake today. hope that God will be of comfort to him at this moment, even as he's busy shuffling from the wake to the hospital and back.
going for my cousin's wake tmr.
unpredictable days

LOL
i thought host clubs are fake. i mean, the only one i've seen is from ouran high school host club.
apparently... there are REAL host clubs in TOKYO O_O
can check out this video
hahaha

got this from an article venetia posted up :)
"The Lord will put us in a place where it’s just Him and us—because it’s preparation for what He wants to do with our lives.

He knows what lies ahead, and he knows that we’re going to need the kind of resolve that comes from being alone with Him. So He takes us through a season of separation for the sake of preparation. And once our hearts are prepared, our lives will be powerfully used."

when we start out with conversations, we most often start with light conversation, when actually what we wanna say is 'how have you been?', or 'what can i pray for you about?'
at least i know that's what's on my mind.
questions like
'are you growing?'
'what difficulties have you been facing?'
'can i help in any way?'
'is anyone with you as you go through this season of your life?'

and yet, despite the questions that float around, what comes out is talk about the weather, talk about work, talk about hours, talk about how late we are.

a desire to connect, yet we usually leave after just that bit of contact.

i'm proud to declare that...

I've not taken the cab in the morning for 3 mornings!
LOL.
okay. it's a small step for many, but a giant feat for xinying :D
and God blessed me with surprise company in the morning since the 2nd morning :) (though she said she saw me on the first morning too). makes me look forward to taking the bus in the morning, even though i may be quite sleepy and all. haha.
am recently blessed with a new shepherd :) had a good chat with her on tuesday. hahaa. hope to learn lots from her! David told me to treasure her, and i fully intend to do that. haha. am already starting to learn from her! it's always quite refreshing to be able to learn from someone :) to be able to share thoughts, or uncertainties, or everything you know and have not made sense of (like poison that remains in your body, and continues to poison u bit by bit), or just to have a friend whom you can relate to :)
treasure your shepherds pple. the shepherding system is a gift to us. and your shepherd is part of God's gift to u too :)

~say the word, and i will sing for You
over oceans deep i will follow
if each star was a song
every breath of wind praise
it will still fail by far to say all my heart contains
i simply live
i simply live for You

as the glory of Your presence now fills this place
in worship we will meet You face to face
there is nothing in this world to which You can be compared
glory to glory, praise upon praise
You bind the broken hearted and save all my tears
by Your Word You set the captives free
there is nothing in this world which You cannot do
i simply live
i simply live for You~

praying that God's healing hands will be on you too :)

Miku in race car version! O_O

http://www.goodsmile.info/product/ja/3135/ねんどろいど+レーシングミク+2011ver.html

Laura Story - Blessings

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise