it's the last day of 2010! :)
feels kind of reluctant to let it go by. hahaa.

had a good time with some of the '86 sisters today. hahaa :)
was quite exhausted due to the lack of sleep last night. hahaa. come to think of it, i only slept for 3 and a half hours! hahaa. yay! and i managed to survive well.
no wonder i feel so exhausted. haha.
--------------------
was tempted to do something today, but held back myself and made the choice not to.
might have been not a recognizably victorious move in the eyes of others, actually it prob won't even matter to them.
but in my heart i am jumping up and pumping my fist in the air.

Jehovah Nissi! :D
twice i was tested, in 2 different aspects.
and twice i chose not to give in.

haha.
okay. it's not everyday that i actually get to be victorious over these 2 aspects. hahahaa.
-----------------------
one week!
ahhhhhh!!!!!
only guan was able to accurately pinpoint what i'm going through. (using the exact word i gave myself while doing detached analysis of myself. hohoho)
guess i am still grieving.
still rotating between anger and acceptance.
at least they're both active coping styles.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life
Proverbs 13:12

how apt the bible is to even describing our emotional life and responses.
such sweetness in the words :)

hot choc doesn't sit well in my tummy :(
feeling ill :\

new appointment O_o

school meetings tmr! thank God it's not until 5pm. hahaha.
though i think i'd probably be spending some time packing up my office table :\
hurhur.

i'm going to catch:
The last days of Emma Blank
Lovers' discourse
True Grit

heard recently tt.....
edwin proposed to christine! :D

and ...

marcus proposed to yufen! :D

glad for all of them! :D hahaa.
can't wait to attend these weddings. wahahahhaa.

not to mention robert's and melissa's :D

okies.
i think sometimes at night i'd go mad.
my sanguine side will take over at times. hahahaa.
then my mel side will be sitting in the corner frowning at the silly behaviour.
maybe it's tcc hot choc. it's giving me an adrenaline rush. wahaha.

i miss MASS DANCES!

曹格 - 愛愛MV

i like the erhu playing in front! hahaha. and the fun tone of the music.

jalea is sharp in catching things related to my favourite topic. LOL
i am amused.

I finally understand why people prefer to cook/bake and not wash up.
I've always kinda liked washing up after people cook/bake.. but i guess when you're the one cooking, after you make a mess out of the things in the kitchen as you attempt to cook up a storm (or in this case, alter the making of carbonara), it's kinda not very fun to have to wash up all of the bowls, pan, fork, pot that you used :X
and why is it that we don't have good paying night jobs? hahaahaa.
in the night i can set up organisers, plan my schedule for the coming week, finish up administrative stuff, and do more in 4 hrs than i do in 4 hrs in the day. hahaa.

3 days and it's still ongoing.

what do i do in the middle of the night?
hahahaha.
write xmas cards and send our emails! :D

i can't wait for heaven.
when there'd be no difference in race
no pain
no sufferings
no waiting
no tears
no gender.

i love it when chi places her head slightly at the edge of my keypad and sleep :)
i love to watch things when they sleep :)

Melody - You Cover - Jaci Velasquez

fell in love with this song in secondary school without knowing it's meant to be sung to God :)

You - Jaci Valesquez

Who makes
The sun light up my shadows
When the darkness tries to follow me
Who makes
The air that bring me life
So I can breathe the love that's given to me

CHORUS:
You make everything good
Everything wonderful
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make everything pure
Everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
It's you

Who makes
The waters of my sorrow part
And leads the gladness into my heart
Who makes
The rivers run that wash away
And clean my soul to make a new start

You hung the moon
You placed the stars that shine your love for me
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of you

am reading christmas notes and cards :)
heh.
i think at the end of the day, the gifts don't matter so much. haha. i like all the gifts (as long as they can be read/used:D), but the notes matter so much more to me :) i guess it gives me an insight to what they think of me :)

追 (電影版) 張國榮 電影《金枝玉葉》Zhui - Leslie Cheung

just finished watching this movie (and its sequel)
have never watched it before, though i like the song. hahaa.
the first movie 'he's a woman, she's a man' is so much better than its sequel :)
i kinda miss the sound of cantonese.

oh i'm so dead~
hahahahaa.
so dead~ so dead~
so dead~

wahaha.
confession time >_<

at quite a lot of times, i think it's quite possible to sense a person's temperament. hahaha.
like there's something quite similar between the two of you.
and when you meet that person, you just click. hahaa. and it's kind of fun to play with that person. hahaa.
like you kind of intuitively know the soul of the person.
and when you read about certain things that the person likes, or see what the person does, and you're not surprised, 'cos it's what you have expected of that person.
and then your heart is joyful to know that there are such people in the world. haha.
so amazing how God has created us differently.

"I think you're a hopeless romantic who's discovered that romance is hopeless."

梁詠琪-膽小鬼

First chinese song I've ever liked! hahaa.



in primary 5 :X

received my first xmas present today. haha.
thank you :)

gave my first xmas present out too :)
she was quite surprised.

no idea how i ended up reading about abortion in the middle of the night.
i guess it's 'cos it's a very female issue. like usually only females would be thinking about pregnancy and abortions? haha. or maybe only i'd go and think about it, since i keep wondering if i'd ever be able to counsel people who have chosen to go through abortions.
i have personally come to my own stand on the issue, though i guess everyone will have their various understandings and stands on it.

Your Love Is Everything - Jesus Culture (Jayesslee cover)

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

Note the bolded word: so sad! hahaha. but true. hahaha. my environment is not organized :\

i think Tron is a guy show. 'cos it's about a father and a son.
and i can't relate much to quite a few things in it.
though the set was brilliant, and the visual effects were stunning.
i guess i can't identify with the guy and his relationship with his father because i'm not a guy :X

So Close - Jon McLaughlin (Enchanted OST - High Quality)

"That's how you know" - Disney's Enchanted(High quality vid)

hahaha. i quite liked Enchanted when i watched it. kinda forgot about this movie. hahaha.
i find this scene quite funny. hahahaa

frankly speaking, i can't understand why some girls like girly looking guys.
by which, i don't mean that guys must look rugged. i think guys who're clean shaven look nice. i think guys with long hair are cool.
but i don't understand the fad whereby they like the girly looking guys from taiwan shows, or korean shows :\

jazz meets pop is pretty good! :D
haha.
sleepy.
i caught up with the showing of anime episodes for Yumeiro Patissiere Professional! heh :X just shows that I watched a lot of anime in the past week. hahaa.
That CD shop is having lots of albums at 3 for $49. hahaa. makes me happy 'cos Duffy's album is one of those albums in the 3 for $49 list. so are a few High Society compilations. hahaa.
i got High Society Orchestra album (hehe. music is nice :D), a Jazz 101 compilation (which has 6 CDs. haha. on the 2nd CD of 'Jazz meets pop'. Looking forward to the 3rd CD 'Vocal Jazz', and the 5th CD 'Bossanova'. hahaha). there's a difference in quality in the music between the High Society album and the jazz 101 album :X i read that the High Society series consists of HDCD, didn't know that there is an audible difference. haha.
And my last CD is Duffy's Rockferry Deluxe Edition! hehe.
Am so glad that I finally got it! hahaa. everytime I go into a music store, I'd be like looking for it.. then contemplating if I should buy it.. then go out of the store convincing myself that I can listen to it on youtube. hahaha. now I can listen to it whenever I travel too :) her voice haunts my mind (particularly Warwick Avenue). haha. so does Olivia's. hahaa.
first time i spent so much on CDS >_<
I spent equally as much on very basic materials for christmas cards :X
hohoho.
wahaha. I hear 'what do you get when you kiss a guy, you get enough germs to catch pneumonia, after you do, he'd never phone you, i'd never fall in love again'~ hahaha. will usually hear this song before Picturehouse films show. haha. very catchy and chirpy song. you can catch a version of it here.
sometimes when i'm listening to songs, i kind of wish i can keep playing them and listening to them, and not have to sleep. hahaa.
okies. i should sleep soon.

full day of meetings tomorrow :(

i dreamt that we were in a war and sins were abundant.
and that i killed people.
and mistrust was everywhere.

heh.
am getting calls and smses from students booking appointments for help in ITE application. haha.

exhausted.
but thankful for today :)
hope many people were as touched as i was.
------------------------------
thinking today that i need to firm up the way i self care.
was reminded of this when David shared something about how he'd get drained at the end of the week if he's been ministering to pple.
it reminds me of my job.
and how at the start of my job, after meeting just one client or two, due to the intense nature of the sharing, i was rather drained. could feel heartbeat getting faster, brain frying and all that thing. hahaa. couple this with continual non-privacy of my office, and it was horrendous.
along the way, i learned to cope, but mainly also 'cos there're people whom i can continually talk online to :) like pockets of joy.
haha.
but i also realized tt it's not very efficient, 'cos i can feel a difference in myself during holidays and during workdays. and it's not 'cos of the work. i think i have a low threshold for stress (maybe? hahaa)
so need to find more proper self care. haha.
like finding the right balance between meeting people, spending time with God and being alone. haha

Saw this on Chiewmei's photos:

my gosh. this is super funny

i can't stand people who throw cats down the rubbish chutes, or throw dogs out to die (e.g. throwing a deaf and mute dog downstairs and let it die) when they're old. i feel angry when i read about these kind of news.
you won't do that to your children, so why do people do that to animals?

Kevin kern Le Jardin

Was playing songs randomly on my lappie, when i heard this :)
i have the tune if anyone wants :)

tried this today :) hahaa.
cake's quite dry. but the soya on top is nice! :D the almond caramel bits are nice too! :D
eaten together it's ok. would have been nicer if i got tea to go along :)
u can read reviews on the stall here and here:)

i intend to buy a flat saucepan
so that i can cook bacon
and do my carbonara :D
the authentic italian way.
anyone wanna try?
LOL

ipod nano. gen 6. hehe

do you know what's a covenant? :)
what's the difference between a covenant and a contract?
a covenant consists of the relationship factor.
a contract doesn't.
both are not to be broken.

when will my graduation ceremony for my diploma course be? -_-
i'd prob get my cert in special needs before the diploma in counselling -_-

i think i can spend 2 months just cleaning up my room and not finish doing it.
'cos i'd be distracted and go on to doing other things instead.
there're a thousand and one things to do. hahaa.
i really think i need a new room. hhahaa.
but i am adamant to finish rearranging and decorating my room!
as how i am adamant in doing a lot of other nonsensical stuff as well.
if only human beings don't require sleep. hahahaa.

:P

oh btw, the anime has been described as pure shojo fluff. hahaha.
so don't bother watching it.
but oh! i love to watch food animes. hahahaa

Look at this!

looks so tempting. haha.
heard about the patissiere 'cos of the anime Yumeiro Patissiere. all the creations in the anime series were created by this patissiere. wow. hahaha.
one of the few times i'm tempted by desserts!

Christmas Isn't Christmas Until It Happens In your Heart

Christmas isn’t Christmas till it happens in your heart
Somewhere deep inside you is where Christmas really starts
So give your heart to Jesus, you’ll discover when you do
That it’s Christmas, really Christmas for you

Jesus brings warmth like a winter fire
A light like a candle’s glow
He’s waiting now to come inside
As He did so long ago

Jesus brings gifts of truth and life
And makes them bloom and grow
So welcome Him with a song of joy
And when He comes you’ll know

That Christmas really Christmas
Christmas really Christmas
Christmas really Christmas for you

Bought the audio CD for 'Wide Awake' by Erwin Raphael Mcmanus, hoping to pass this on to people. Read mixed reviews online about the book. hmm. shall see how it goes :) haha

taking care of a cat is not very hard actually.
you just gotta take note of her needs, which includes:
1) changing the litter tray
2) feeding her 3 times daily, complete with treats in the early morning when you call her and she comes running up your bed.
3) daily carries/pats on the head/stroking of back
4) letting her sit on your lap/sit by your laptop/sit on your bed/suckle your little finger everyday
5) spending some time playing chase with her (or in my case, the 'chi? doko?' game)
6) trying to ward of her knee biting attempts
7) getting her adjusted to any uncommon/strange items/people in the house occasionally.

haha.
though 4am playing chase makes me wanna sleep.

i like the way chi's tail increases in its speed of wagging everytime i call her name. haha

sometimes...
the sisters have to protect the brothers.

Dare You to Move (Switchfoot) - The String Quartet

wow

Interesting facts about the ENFJ:
On personality trait scales, scored as Active, Pleasant, Sociable, Demanding, Impatient, Appreciative, and Compromising
Most likely of all types to cope with stress by exercising (how come this doesn't seem to happen to me? LOL)
Most likely of all types to believe in a higher spiritual power
Ranked by psychologists as among least likely to have trouble in school
Personal values include Friendships, Education & Learning, Creativity, and Community Service
Among types highest in job satisfaction, but also among most likely to report plans to leave their jobs
Commonly found in careers in religion, teaching, and the arts

this verse is stuck with me :)

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

faith and trust in God :)

Watched 'The White Ribbon' with Sherli on Wed. had originally considered watching this with wanqi, but the m18 kind of pushed us into watching Rapunzel instead. hahaa.
it's not violent, just that the themes covered are more serious.. so it's actually not m18 'cos of violent scenes (unless seeing the death of an animal upsets you alot...), or sexual scenes that kind of thing.
Story was about the odd happenings in a village. I would say that it's a rather 'Lord of the flies' film.. hahaa. though not as outrightly brutal as the book, but it does show the ugly and negative side of human beings :) rather interesting. quite even paced too :)
if you're not watching the movie, you can read more about the film here and here
Interestingly, i observe that I am personally neither shocked nor dismayed at the portrayal of the humans in the show. Somehow or another, it seems that I already know that the nature of human beings are as such.
pessimistic outlook? or a desensitized heart? haha.

Watched another movie in the night.

Had 1 for 1 discount for this 'cos GV is having a promotion :D
felt that the movie was not bad too :) the starting was not as funny as i thought it'd be (the whole theatre was laughing, which kinda puzzled me 'cos i didn't think it was exactly very funny O_o), but i felt that some scenes were rather lovely :) enjoyed the scene when the female lead pretended to be a dj and talked to the male lead.. enjoyed also the scene when they were in the snow :) haha. I felt slightly offended when they joked about abortions though.
Here's its IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1725995/
And you can read reviews here and here
heh :) I think the female lead really looks like a korean though! hahahaa. and she's quite pretty! hahaa.

recently saw people who were doing photo shoots of cosplayers in raffles place.
thought that was quite cool. hahaha.
the fact tt ppl do photoshoots for cosplayers :)

This looks interesting!
can't wait for it to come out :) wondering if i'd still have time for anime. hahaha

JS - Thank you - The Katinas (cover)

can't file my taxes 'cos i lost my IC and can't confirm my date of issue of IC :\

"Since relationships are central to the ENFJ's life, they will be very "hands on" and involved with their intimate relationships. They may be in the habit of constantly asking their partner how they're doing, what they're feeling, etc. This behavior may be a bit smothering, but it also supports a strong awareness of the health (or illness) of the relationship."

there're people who understand how my world is like.
うれしい

“For each individual mind there is an optimal level of stimulation. The more intelligent and the more developed the brain, the higher level of stimulation is absolutely necessary to make it feel right. An intelligent brain craves stimulation the way a gambler craves roulette. It seeks stimulation by picking up puzzles to solve, problems to uncover, ideas to examine, patterns to discern, contradictions to catch and resolve. What happens when the brain is understimulated with too little mental feed? The result is boredom, ennui, restlessness, irritability, and depression.” - Piechowski

"Therapists must be familiar with their own dark side and be able to empathize with all human wishes and impulses."
"Young therapists must work through their own neurotic issues; they must learn to accept feedback, discover their own blind spots, and see themselves as others see them; they must appreciate their impact upon others and learn how to provide accurate feedback."
".. is a psychologically demanding enterprise and therapists must develop the awareness and inner strength to cope with the many occupational hazards inherent in it."
".. the rationale for using the here-and-now is that human problems are large relational and that an individual's interpersonal problems will ultimately be manifested in the here-and-now of the therapy encounter."

I think i'm still working through my own neurotic issues. hahaa.

... and it really did seem like a long time has passed by since sunday.
yet only one day has passed by :S

ahhhhhhhhh
why is this sold out!

sometimes i don't know where pple get the confidence they place in me. hahaa.
like sometimes i know what to do,
at other times, i'd be like "Shucks! what in the world am i supposed to do now!!!'
so it's great that God is in control
hahaha!

i'm 24, but there're times when i don't feel like i'm 24. haha.
especially when i'm counselling people, or giving advice to parents as to what to do. haha.
so these days, i've been helping myself to get a little more in touch with my supposed age. hahaa.
of course, i have no idea how people of my age are supposed to act. hahaa. or to be.
but i think my sang side feels suppressed. hahaa. so maybe giving in a little more to it? haha

JS - "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban

love their looks here. haha.

seems like WFL nursery is not over.
hahaha

wow. i didn't even realize it's 4.12am :\ have just kept on doing the card. haha. officially finished! :) now to clean up the mess i've made :\

haven't felt nervous about backup singing for some time. haha. but am starting to feel rather nervous about the next time to serve :\
suddenly wishing that the songs will come out faster so that i can practice, and to use the songs for my qt so that i can really let the songs speak to me before going up on stage and singing.

JS - You Are My Strength - Hillsong (cover)

Woo. I find this song hard to harmonize. hahaa. am learning now so I can do it in the future! :D

xinying wants to go on a road trip too!
but definitely not alone. haha.

Hi God, recently, You've been answering my prayers pretty fast these days.

end of course! :D
watched another movie today. haha. watched easy A. hahaa. i don't know what to make of the movie. it made fun of Christianity :P slightly offended actually.. 'cos we're not like what they portray in the movie! slightly offended also 'cos the guidance counsellor was portrayed in a weird manner (though i guess it does show that everyone has their weaknesses). i like the style of presentation though.. and some parts are really quite funny. hahaa.
I wanna watch 'hello stranger'! :D
last day of course today. haha. we didn't do anything much, mainly chatting through the day. hahaa. we did watch a video on paralinguistics and how it affects children with autism though. that was pretty interesting :) hahaa

me: how did you feel when you stepped into this 'counselling room', despite not wanting to come for counselling before that?

client: i came, opened the door, then you said hi. and i thought 'wah, so welcoming, so nice.'

You wrote letters to me and I see them.
You heard my prayers everyday when I prayed them.
You saw me form in my mother's womb.

Disney's Tangled Soundtrack TRACK 14 "Kingdom Dance" (Score)

Cheery instrumental music! :D

Disney's Tangled Soundtrack TRACK 7 "I See the Light"

Disney's Tangled Soundtrack TRACK 4 "When Will My Life Begin (Reprise 2)"

I wrote a letter to you, which you probably will never see.
I prayed a prayer for you, which you will not hear.
I saw you from afar, but you did not see me.

yay. i feel tired, but fruitful :)
finished my 40% assignment in 2 and a half hours. hahaa.
and am halfway through my reflections (20%).
have finished the in tutorial assignments.. there's only the grp presentation tomorrow, and i'm formally done for this module! :)

Just finished reading 'what women don't know (and men don't tell you)'
I find it quite educational :) good read! haha.
some things were painful to read, some were enlightening, some were saddening, and some were assuring. haha. i feel wiser just by having read the book.
some information was funny to me.
some parts made me quite sad upon reading them.

小娘惹主題曲-如燕 (Olivia Ong)

bought 3 books today :D hahaa.
didn't expect to buy 3.. was considering buying one 'cos i'm finishing up 'where is God when it hurts' and i wanted something easier to read. fiction is always easier to read than Philip Yancey's books 'cos fiction is not real. hahaa.
didn't buy the books 'cos they were on some bestseller list or something. on the contrary, i avoided all the bestsellers, and decided to buy books which i felt were interesting to me.
bought More than it hurts you by Darin Strauss. hahaa. Thought it looked interesting. Didn't realize that he's the author of Chang & Eng (!!!) wow. hahaha.
also bought 'the gift of therapy - reflections on being a therapist'. Plucked this out from the shelf. it was already the last one there, and it caught my eyes immediately. hahaha. flipped through, and i could identify, so i decided to buy it. ahahaa. can learn from someone who's had at least 35 years of psychotherapy experience! :) turns out that it's from quite a famous author too.
the last one caught my eyes just as I was making one last round around the bookstore. Was contemplating getting another book from Philip Yancey, but a book on pastoral counselling caught my eyes. hahaa. flipped through that book and realized that it doesn't really value add to me 'cos I already know most of the stuff inside. then this one caught my eyes. hahaa. 'What women don't know (and men don't tell you)'. written with simple clarity and spiritual insight. i flipped through and found that it's quite direct and good for all sisters. hahaa. so decided to get it :D
reviews for the last 2 books seem better than the first though. hahaa

Tomorrow marks the start of the second part of my certificate course on dealing with students with special needs:
Assessment, Programme Development, and Programme Evaluation for Students with Special Needs

i hope it's not too boring. hahaha.
at least i think my third part on Autism Spectrum Disorders would be more interesting and familiar to me. programme development and evaluation would prob be useful for me though, considering that it's more practical and relevant to the school :\

gonna be another tiring 3 days! hahaa.

Today marks the last day of this season of adult WFL.
hahaa.
and the last day for help needed for the nursery to support the parents who have young kids and want to go for adult WFL :)
today was a mad house! haha.
2 girls, and around 6 boys. 2-4 years old.
or is it more boys? haha. i can't quite remember.
i only remember that for 1 and a half hours i was trying to have my eye fixed on a few boys at the same time.
the difference between a boy and a girl?
boy: *runs around*, *picks up things*, *puts down things*, *runs around*, *shouts*, *takes a train*, *runs away from another boy trying to take his train*
girl: *walks around quietly looking at things*

O_O
i had a boy who kept running circles and circles around me, and another who kept asking to be carried. so i sang 'round and round the mulberry bush* and after that, formed a story. hahaaa. of how there's a big monster and dinosaur coming :P realized they liked to run in circles and circles and circles and circles and circles. and likes high fives and high fives and more high fives.
and we sang ABC to kill the witch :P
and we never completed the jungle game. LOL.
EXHAUSTING >_<

single mothers! i admire you all!

just spent around 5 hrs plus talking about gender differences, bgr and expectations with some of my unit people. hahaa. i don't think we expected to talk about it.. but i don't mind, 'cos it's one of my favourite topics! LOL
some stuff shared were quite surprising to me.. some stuff shared i already know, but kinda just got confirmed. hahaa. i think all in all it's quite a fruitful time of sharing and discussion. hahaa.

wahahhaa. after a thorough break, it's now...
time to do work.
ministry demands are coming back in, so are work demands. hahaa.

there was once a cat, who had an irrational fear of the new ceiling fan that her owner has installed in the house.
for the whole day, she'd hide behind the sewing machine, convinced fully that the fan will harm her.
for the whole day, she's on vigilant lookout. any sound could mean that the fan is about to move to get her. she can't sleep. because she would never know when she'd be attacked. she can't eat, 'cos eating means lowering her head, and that would mean getting her defense down. she can't even groom herself unless her owner is sitting in front of her, blocking her away from the view of the evil fan.
of course, to her owner, the cat's actions are comical. because the owner knows that the fan is not going to do the cat any harm. the fan is fixed to the ceiling, meant to be an appliance, to provide relief and comfort on a hot afternoon. the owner was initially amused at the cat's strange antics - peering out of the room and running back in, being extra sticky to the owner, but soon the owner grew concerned when the cat did not want to eat any food or drink water. so the owner did what she knew, she sat with the cat as the cat groomed. she kept patting the cat as the cat moved to peer at the fan. she spoke to the cat in soft voices. she tries to carry the cat out once in a while to be closer to the fan, sustaining injuries on her shoulders as a result.

i guess in life, many a times, we have irrational fears as well. fears that seem illogical to others, and yet are perfectly real to us, though really quite irrational. and perhaps what we need is a step of courage and faith from us, as well as continual reassurance at the side :)
and i think personally i've been the recipient of grace and continual reassurance :)

finished 'Veronica decides to die' :)
found the concept of this book more interesting that 'the Zahir'. heh.
have been living these days without much planning.
i've decided tt i don't quite like it.
i shall open up my organizer again tmr.

on a side note, thank God for the 2 months bonus! :)
my gosh. that's a lot of money that's gonna come in in December. yay! :D
good for cbf. hahaha :D

actually, i think our Singaporean diet is quite unhealthy.
hahaa
what with the lack of fresh vegetables, and the abundance of fats and fried food, and the over-reliance on refined carbohydrates.. :\

wow.
another friend got engaged.
finished reading 'The Zahir' by Paulo Coelho :)
it introduced me to eastern ideas. hahaa. some Islamic ideas, and some not so traditional views and notions they hold with regards to religion and love in Kazakhstan. quite an uneasy read 'cos obviously my notions and views don't quite correspond, but the writing style intrigues me (primarily 'cos it reminds me of thoughts about love at times) and i like the way in which many stories are told and scenarios presented to show forth a part of human nature :)
it's about a man whose wife left him suddenly one day, and he didn't know why. he knew not if it was 'cos she was really searching for freedom (in her own interpretation of freedom), or if she was bored with marriage, or kidnapped. he thus evaluates his own marriage, and being a writer, wrote about it. he comes to a deeper understanding of himself, and grows in his perception of love and what it actually does mean. he also grows to understand why he so easily gives up at certain points of his life, and never actually pushed past that barrier to achieve something more.
actually, when i read the book, i'm reminded of what the bible teaches about love :) haha
am gonna read 'Veronica decides to die'~

oh my dear God, You are so amusing!

was talking to a sister today, and i proposed that surprises are a girl's thing. hahaha.
as well as the need to know what's going on in our friends' life.
and about tender spots
and about the innateness in females to focus on the relationships in her lives above other things.
yay :)

i find it hard to explain to people the concept of how a day feels like a week to me. and a week like a month.
imagine that a day is like a path. some people walk straight down the path 'cos they go through the day, and takes the day as it is.
when i walk down that same path, i don't stay on the path and just walk down. perhaps physically i am, but my mind wanders away from the path and explores the flowers at the side, breathes in the fresh air and stays there for a while, mulls over the scenery on the left and right, may have sat down by the path to ponder and think, wanders off a little, discovers new things and comes back.
i find it immensely hard to not have an outlet for sharing, primarily 'cos of the fact that the things that appear in my mind per day are of a large volume. not that i am very intellectual and i think a lot, or that i am particularly reflective, i'd consider it more of the fact that I like to evaluate myself and my thoughts in that particular situation. i like to evaluate the situation and attach theories. hahaa.
i hope this gives a glimpse of what it means to me when a day feels like a week.
hahaa.

on a side note, i really do miss the cold air of Italy. hahaa.
nights in Singapore are currently exceedingly warm to me.

going to Italy has changed me in some ways.
for me, it was not merely a time to holiday, but to learn about the culture, about the way they live their life, to learn about their system and the government.
it broadened my mind and my knowledge about real time missions (for one). thank God for cheekeong who shared about missions in Italy, and for bringing me to meet the rest of the people. think i was boring company, but i enjoyed seeing and absorbing how people interacted with one another. could sense some of the difficulties they face as well. thank God for them :)
i also got to know about Italy's education system in depth as we spent 3 days with professors from the University of Padua. it's actually considered to be the best university in the whole of Italy. Galileo and the first woman graduate graduated from this university. the whole town of Padova is built around the university :) it's a university town. hahaa.
and we had the privilege to actually listen to some of their professors with regards to a program they are doing with the schools in Italy. we also visited an elementary, middle and high school from Italy. they weren't situated in Padova, but rather in Verona (where Romeo and Juliet is set in), and in Treviso. and professor leia accompanied us throughout the whole journey and did translation for us:) i grew to appreciate the education system in Singapore, and the priority we give to education in terms of the distribution of finance in the Singapore system. teachers in Italy have to have at least a Masters degree, yet their salaries are capped at 2k Euros (around S$3.6k) for their entire lives. yet they are passionate about what they're doing. they fight and go on strikes for the sake of education and the system.
i am amazed.
and asked myself. would i be able to give up the luxury of being able to spend and live comfortably for the sake of passionately fighting for a belief? not letting the right to a good salary due to my qualifications impede what i am determined to do in life?
i am not sure i have reached the state whereby i can actually totally give up the security in having a pay rise every year for the sake of fighting for a belief.
perhaps for God, i will. but for the sake of the education system and for students, i am not sure :)
perhaps i am a selfish person at heart.
i marvel at Italians' capacity to walk. everywhere they have cobbled pavements (other than in Milan) and the unevenness of the pavements caused my toes to die almost everyday. the distance they walk could be as far as from toa payoh to ang mo kio, and they're used to it.
i marvel at them because i thought of the comfort and efficiency of Singapore, and i laughed at how we will take a bus for 3 bus stops. haha.
autumn and winter wear are no longer for fashion. they look great, but they function more as essentials and are worn for their practical reasons. haha.
i realized new things about myself, and i learned new things about the nature of God. i am reminded of things which I have forgotten, and I am thankful for the country I was born in. for the government :)
i have in me lots of thoughts which are yet to be processed, but I doubt I will share them here :) I just pray that whatever I have learned, will help me to be a person who is wiser and more aware of what is going on around me :) and to continue to be in the awareness of the majesty of God.

feeling more adjusted :)

“Re-entry into one's culture of origin is more stressful, with more unexpected consequences, than a transition into the unfamiliar,” they claim. This reverse culture shock (also known as re-entry shock) is all the more devastating because no one sees it coming: expats fully expect to be confused and frustrated in a novel cultural environment, but not in the home culture they know so well.

I'm not an expatriate, and I'm experiencing it.
Felt kinda lonely when no one came and fetched me (guess it might not be the sending off that matters, but the fetching pple back. must keep this in mind in the future). and then having no phone to contact anyone.
messages sent out with no replies made me feel forgotten, even though it's only been for 10 days.
feeling disconnected from people around.
dispensable.

"Young Yun Kim, in her book Becoming Intercultural: An Integrative Theory of Communication and Cross-Cultural Adaptation, writes that “a healthy psychological state is a dynamic fit between parts of the internal system and external realities – that is, an attainment of internal coherence and meaningful relationship to the outside world.”

It is the absence of this connection between the self and the new cultural environment that leads to what Kim calls “a serious disequilibrium within the stranger’s psyche.” It can manifest itself in the following symptoms:
Sadness
Loneliness
Homesickness
Idealizing the home culture
Stereotyping host culture nationals
Dissatisfaction with life in general
Loss of sense of humour
Sense of isolation, withdrawal from society
Overwhelming and irrational fears related to the host country
Irritability, resentment
Family conflict
Loss of identity
Feelings of inadequacy or insecurity
Negative self-image
Developing obsessions (health, cleanliness)
Cognitive fogginess, lack of concentration
Depression"

and i'm experiencing some of these as i'm in Singapore, back from Italy O_O

nobody said it was easy
noone ever said it would be this hard

it's good to wake up to no work.
haha.
it's not so good to plan to wake up at 8am, and wake up instead at 12.45pm. hahaa. which is 5.45am in Italy :\
Woke up with the realization that I am more rested and refreshed emotionally. am actually more prepared and empowered to meet my clients :) was in a slight state of lull previously and had to prepare myself before meeting them, but now i'm energized once again. thank God :)
still finding it very warm in Singapore though :\

and another thought just struck me.
that sometimes a friend whom we wanna be very close to, might not want to be friends of that degree with us.
hahahaa.
i guess it goes back to reciprocation.
like many-a-times reciprocation doesn't occur.
i guess it bothered me deeply in the past when this happened.
not that it doesn't bother me now, but i guess in a sense, it just shows that maybe it's not the right timing, or the right friend.
hahaa.
and give thanks for the friends who are by us :D

i'm really not the kind of girl who likes brands and go for bling. hahahaa.
there are some basic things that i need, and some not so basic things that i go for. hahaa.
i love technology. hahaa.
not very typical of a girl i guess.
but i like little surprises as well :D hahaa.

i went to Italy with 2 objectives:
1) rest. spiritually, physically, mentally. to not have to keep thinking about the students and work and to be able to have more sleep.
at the end of the day, i didn't get much more sleep. hahaa. but i think being in a different place and different country helps me to rest mentally much better :D not having to consider the students much. still had to work though. hahaa. for 3 days in Padova.
oh no. i just remembered i have to type minutes. LOL.

2) discipline. hahaa. i guess it's easy to be ill disciplined when one is overseas. so i wanted to discipline myself (in terms of spiritual habits, sleeping habits.. the likes when i'm overseas). hahaa. surprisingly, this went rather well :D now that i'm back in Singapore, i'm kinda going lax on it again.
like now. hahaa. not sleeping at 2.37am :P

my theme for the rest of the year (till end Dec) is health :D hahaa. health in all aspects. discipline is still on-going though :) am excited!
i'm excited when i have things to work on. hahahaa. something fun and challenging and rewarding. yay :D
hmmm. what are my key indicators that all this is going well? hahahaa.
good qn.
a cleaned up room :D and a healthier body. hahaa.
okay vague.
i'd go think of how to operationalize it.
maybe like tmr. LOL! procrastination! hahaha.

life should be lived to its full :D
i wanna continue engaging my heart fully into whatever i'm doing. hahaa. be it watching anime, playing games, listening to music, typing out things, reflecting, reading, spending time with God, people, and putting the spice into seemingly mundane things :D

there are certain days when i am just so thankful about the friendships i have in my life, and that i'm so contented.
hahaha.
and this is one of the nights :D
thank You Jesus for showing me how friendship can be :)

not feeling lost anymore :)
was reminded of people in my life whom i'm so blessed to have.
friends who allow me to be myself, who knows the mad side of me and the serious side of me, and who is also mad and serious :P hahaa.
today marks the birthday of one of them! :D hahaaa.
happy birthday lise ;) LOL

it's the start of my holiays :)
still got work to do.. but since i've lost my numbers, i'm kinda at a loss of what to do with not having the numbers of the kids and their parents.
have been feeling quite lost ever since i came back to Singapore.

i decided to focus on the positives and not the negatives :)
'cos it's easier to do the latter, so i wanna do what's harder :D
and 'cos God sees us in future tense :)

thank God for His faithfulness and love and unwavering nature.

bought two books at the Dubai airport :)
both by Paulo Coelho.
Bought 'The Zahir' and 'Veronica decides to die'.
one's about the definition of love, the other's about seizing each day as its own.

and the different reactions of each gender's response to temptation can't help swirling in my mind. that it produces a situation in which one gender fights to protect the relationship, and the other may just let it slip by.

maybe we should tell the women not to bother to wait.

my HoD kept talking about his wife and children everyday :)
and everyday he'd skype with his wife and children just so he can see them.
and when asked which he prefers - Italy, or Singapore, he says Singapore. 'cos he'd see his children and wife.
in all things that he does, he'd consider his wife and family.
i think the wife got herself a good husband :)

Am in Venezia at this moment.. somewhere near Venice, but not quite. still gotta take a boat over to Italy.
have already been through Rome and Florence.. both places are really quite different. hhahaa.
the european keyboard is different from my normal keyboard, and so i cannot sign in to my school email now due to the fact that i cannot find my curly wurly sign.
say hi to siew hui who is currently looking at this computer and smiling. hahahaa.
Rome has quite a different feel from Florence. Rome is a much bigger city, more crowded, much more people, narrower streets... people are noisier and gesture more, but are relatively friendly. haha. i kinda lost my way trying to find my way to Temini Station and had to consult people. hahaa. felt kinda interesting being alone and having to find my way around. poor brother waited for me for 20 minutes. hahaa.
we took a bus down to the cultural centre of Rome.. he showed me around Piazza Navona, and then down to another piazza which i forgot the name of at this moment due to me being downstairs in the hotel lobby.
then we went up to the apartment of two sisters in the cg. apartments in rome are kinda small!
ahhh
no more time. 3euros for an hour is expensive!

NEW SARA EVANS SONG - Low

Found this song when I was searching for teenage inspirational music to put in the video for the kids. haha



Like your dreams were meant to fly
Like a bird up in the sky
Just like heaven`s somewhere up above clouds
I was made to raise my voice lift my hands and rejoice
Just like jesus they couldn`t keep him down

Low

Like the way your mama felt
The very first time you were held
The way your daddy still looks at your mama now
Ain`t that the way that love should be
Gets you high makes you believe
There`s nothing in this world get us down

Low

I`m gonna roll this stone away
Live my life my way
And stand up on my faith
Just like the sun rises everyday
The tide is gonna change
You can`t keep me low

When my worries seem too big
I`m gonna dance like david did
Cause hallelujah i am glory bound
No i won`t be afraid
When trouble gets in my face
I`ll turn my back and stomp that devil down

Low

I`m gonna roll this stone away
Live my life my way
And stand up on my faith
Just like the sun rises everyday
The tide is gonna change
You can`t keep me low

I won`t let dreams get buried
Even when i`m feeling down
I won`t linger in the darkness
I`ll be walking out

I`m gonna roll this stone away
Let the light shine on my face
And stand up on my faith
Just like the sun rises everyday
The tide is gonna change
You can`t keep me low

my standard of food is high, but i'm not picky :)
hahaha.
so there's actually a difference between having a high standard of food and being picky.
in that i know where the standard of the food is.. but if u give me something that's not of high standards to eat, i'd still eat it :)
'cos food is food afterall.
so in that sense, i'm not picky :)

i guess sometimes i don't know what's going on. hahaha.
it's confusing.
not confusing as in, if you think about it you can figure it out confusing.
but confusing, as in, if you think about it, you get more confused and frustrated confusing.
so i reminded myself that 'hey, it's meant to be an interesting journey. why do you confuse yourself so?'
i guess i always have to remind myself that. haha.
to wait and see how things turn out to be :)
kinda frustrating for something to always wants to right things.
wahaha

i was just thinking through the other day.. as to whether company is more important to me, or whether experience is more important to me.
like for e.g. if i get to go to universal studios, but with not very good company (maybe i have to sit on the rides alone), or if i only get to go to harbourfront, but with very good company, which would i prefer?
i think i can't give an absolute answer to it.
i know that i WOULD want to go to universal studios, and I WOULD want good company. hahaha.
why can't i combine the both? haha. that would be best.
i guess i won't mind going to universal studios with okay company, and i would love to go to anywhere with good company. hahaa.
though between going to universal studios with okay company, and good company, i would definitely prefer the good company. hahaaa.
i like to go to new places 'cos i think it's interesting to explore.
and i guess bringing people to these new places is one of my ways of loving them and meeting my needs combined. hahaa.
but i would definitely love having great company wherever i go, regardless of the place :)
so perhaps the company is more important :D hahaa.
i wish i'm actually going to italy not with my colleague though. hahaa.

I realized that when my emotional tank is low, I'd tend to become more easily lethargic and non-moving. hahaa. but a good time of just resting and bbq-ing and walking and playing cards and blowing funny bubbles actually energize me quite a bit :)
Had a rather good time shopping and talking to my Italy roomie! hahaa :) Good time of knowing her as a person :) she's really friendly, and non-pretentious :) I like non-pretentious and unassuming people. don't really enjoy environments that i have to keep guessing the intentions of people. like i'm aware of these intentions, but it wears me down. quite a bit.
:)
i guess i do like to know what's going on. knowing how people are.
familiarity and consistency has a comforting texture to it :)
changes which i'm unaware of what's happening actually distress me quite a bit. and if i don't understand it, it'd distress me more. heh
thanks to jonathan (and yizhong?) for organizing the bbq today! :) good time!

i read this on the website:

This may seem like a very strong statement, but it is based on 8 years of direct work with suicidal and self-harming teens. In our experience, there has never been even one case where a teen who was suicidal lived in an emotionally safe home. If it were an emotionally safe and supportive home, they would not be suicidal. This may sound simplistic, but we believe this is a true statement. It is like saying if someone is physically starving, it is clear they have not gotten enough to eat. So the first priority is to provide them with food. But in this case it is emotional support and safety. Again, this is based on 8 years of helping suicidal teenagers.

Once the teen gets away from the parents, they can start to see that what happened to them was not healthy. It might have been "normal", but it was not normal in healthy homes.

If the parents are willing and cooperative, provide them with emotional skills training. Whether the teen is returned needs to depend on the parent's willingness to change, not the teens ability to adapt, change or cope.

IF you suspect that you grew up in a dysfunctional home, do check out this website
http://www.eqi.org/index.htm
and either speak to me (if you're comfortable to), or find a trusted friend or speak to your shepherd about it. Make sense of experiences that happened before, and examine how it may still affect you :)
Let's do this so that we don't create an emotionally abusive environment for the family we'd have in the future :)

"Repeated trauma in adult life erodes the structure of the personality already formed, but repeated trauma in childhood forms and deforms the personality. The child trapped in an abusive environment is faced with formidable tasks of adapta-tion. She must find a way to preserve a sense of trust in people who are untrustworthy, safety in a situation that is unsafe, control in a situation that is terrifyingly unpredictable, power in a situation of helplessness. Unable to care for or protect herself, she must compensate for the failures of adult care and protection with the only means at her disposal, an immature system of psychological defenses."

Written by Judith Herman in her book on Trauma and Recovery.

"Teens living in emotionally unhealthy or abusive environments have learned they cannot stop the flames. In fact, exactly because they are emotionally intelligent they have learned that trying to change or get away from their parents or teaches just brings them more pain, so it is less painful to self-injure. In a healthy environment a young person could express their pain to an adult and the adult would listen and help the young person. But self-harming teens do not live in such environments.

Imagine a baby crying because it is hungry in a healthy home vs. a dysfunctional, abusive home. In a healthy home, the adults will respond by feeding the baby. In an abusive home the baby might be hit for crying.

Similarly, if a teen expresses negative feelings in a healthy home, the adults will show understanding, caring and try to offer some comfort or help fill the unmet emotional need. But in an emotionally abusive or neglectful home, the teen will be invalidated and will feel worse for expressing their needs. They learn, then to keep their true feelings to themselves, and to treat their emotional wounds alone and in private."
Written by S. Hein.

Was worried that I'd get lost in Italy, so decided to check out the hotel I was staying at in Italy and see if it's very far away from where I'd be meeting the Hope Rome brother at.
Turns out that it was only 300 metre away. hohoho.
here's the map!

i want to role-play.
i want to go to new places to explore and eat.
i want to try interestng activities.
i want to immerse myself with journal articles (i miss them!)
i want to put in lots of things in work, but there're too many things to be looked at.

Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are [Official Video]

My students like this song! :)
And I think it's nice to have a song not with sexual innuendoes topping the charts :)

I find this interesting :)

i like how God created humans to best respond to authoritative style of parenting.
we need to know that someone loves us unconditionally, while being aware of firm guideliness on what's right and what's wrong.

I am trapped in a bubbled world
Where all is still and nothing moves
My eyes are closed, my ears are shut
My body is engulfed in goo
I set myself up for impact
But nothing happens, all is still.
I perceive not of the world beyond
Though much in that world is in motion
I know not my relative position
My body unable to sense its location
I can but trust that my world is moving
And that all that's around me
Is set in its own rhythm
For for now I am stuck
I perceive not, I move not,
I am trapped in this bubbled world.
------------------------------------------------
He comes in gray
and sits by my side
Tells me of failures
Smells where he abides
I told him it's Monday
He swept that aside.
And what comes after
Are in waves and in tides
And though I know
What I did was right
I sat in my seat
And I wondered why
Misery has chosen
My company tonight

Recently I kept saying that each day is like a week to me, and a week is like a month.
haha.
and there're times that i look back in amazement and think, that happened a week ago? O_o
it felt like it's been months since the event occurred. hahaa.
I guess that's why it's important for me to keep journals, or diary entries, or blog entries, or to write things/reflections down. hahaa. 'cos it reminds of what happened. and it also gave me an accurate measure of when it happened.
like recently i read a series of emails sent on my birthday, and i'm like 'wow. that happened this year? hahaha.'
so amazed :D
and it's already October. hahaa.
but feels like July.

i have runny nose and conjunctivitis. so sad.
thought nose was just runny due to being cold and would resolve itself, but i guess when it persisted, it kinda confirmed tt i'm sick.
haha.
am currently sneezing freely :(

Received this in the mail today :D
yay

Experiencing slight congestion in lungs, sniffy nose, and dry eyes early in the morning.
the haze is starting to eat me in!

Jars of Clay Love Song for a Savior

This song brings back memories :)



-He's more than a laughter or the stars in the heaven
as close as a heartbeat or a song on your lips
someday we'd trust Him and learn how to see Him
someday He'd call us and we will come running~

~Gather me up like fresh shirts on a clothes line
whisper my name like a summer breeze
run with me to the sun melts to the western
then gather the stars like a blanket of dreams~
Am listening to female country-pop music at this moment :) haha.
Realized that there's a part of me which I've kinda been ignoring through the years, and it's only in recent year/s that i've been rediscovering again.
I'm a practical person. haha. have always been along the years. i fancy soft toys for like one or two days, before forgetting all about their existence altogether. haha. I know not what to do with presents which I can't use. hahaa.
But I guess it's nice to have whimsical things once in a while. haha. to be given stickers, to be drawn a picture, to be written a note unexpectedly, to be asked for dinner instead of being the one to ask for dinner, to be loved instead of to love :)
to dream dreams, to write poems, to listen to light hearted music, to enjoy the brighter side of life, to have friends in a political place, to have people who are of my age to talk to, to just be silly and laugh over stupid mistakes, to play bridge all night, to wear colourful clothes to work :)
i'm not the formal type of person. i can carry myself if i want to, but at the end of the day, informal interactions brighten up my day :)
haha.
though another part of me will always be thinking about the future, planning for what lies ahead, wondering about the vision that God has for me, evaluating myself and where i stand, wondering how i can grow myself, thinking about how to change my room, how to make things a little better, how to prepare myself a little better. haha.
i'm suddenly struck with the awareness that i'm going to Italy in autumn! Autumn has always been a season that i've wanted to experience, but never had the chance to! :) am so excited! having the chance to be warm in a cooler environment, having the chance to see sculptures and listen to music, and enjoying life as life itself.
And yet, i know that i can't do this for life. haha. as in, i will not be satisfied with just enjoying life as it is. hahaha. some part of me strongly wants to fight.
and i know not against what at this moment. haha.

~And I'm free, free falling, falling~

Music accompanies today as the school quiets itself down for the exam season. It's a brief respite in the midst of busy-ness. Having to clear emails and having to complete things that accompany each email.. but I guess I like this busyness and the quietness to do my work, as compared to a free-er day, warm weather and noise in the room :)
When I plug in the earphones, I get to concentrate on my work at hand, and I find that pretty enjoyable :)

better together- jack johnson

This song caught my ear when I was listening to a random song list with Jason Mraz's songs in it. haha :)
I guess I like songs with an acoustic feel :D

:\
and upon the knowledge, a persistent thought came to mind.
and what a disturbing thought it is!
i wish i can just wish it away, but i can't.
i need the time to think through what it is exactly that i want, and what i wish to do.
hmmm.

I can't concentrate on doing work 'cos it's too warm :\
and we can't put on the aircon 'cos a student just broke a window pane. lol.
hope the window pane person comes and fix it soon! :)

Fell asleep with my contacts again :\
so when mum woke me up at 4+ to ask if I still want the lights on, i thank God that i was sober enough to say that I wanna wake up to take off my contacts.
haha.
and that explains why I'm up at 4+am, with a slightly hungry stomach (of whose needs i intend to fully ignore till daylight is observed) and a slightly stingy right eye (guess contacts were too dry when i tried to take them out :\)
nevertheless, it is quite interesting to be up at this time typing a purely random blogpost. i have in my mind several observations which i find pretty interesting. of which i mention interesting, they are pretty interesting to me, but may not be of particular interest to anyone else. (i would suppose that this would indicate that i typed this post without much concern of whether it interests anyone else but me. perhaps i am typing it down to archive it.)
observations include:
1) the clothespin that i have in my house at the moment is not of very quality. the two sides tend to fall apart, leaving the middle metal portion to hook itself nicely on my tops without any apparent desire to leave it.
2) in my mind at current, there exists the formation of relatively formal statements which are appearing in words in my mind even before i type them out.
3) at 4+, now 5, am in the morning, my mind automatically reverts itself back to a certain topic that is of high interest to me in recent times.
4) i still think that chi is cute and adorable. HAAHHAa.
okay.
i guess my concentration in statements are not able to sustain themselves at this hour in the morning. and i am reverting back to the normal conversatory typing style which i usually employ, not that i do consciously choose between these two styles.
:D
-------------------
thank you GOD! :D
hahahaha :X
I'm slow. hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

and the heap of uncertainties decided to dump themselves on me today.

There're a lot of things that are privileges to us :)
having a shepherd is a privilege.
having caregroup is a privilege.
Being able to serve God is a privilege.
These are things which are given to us, to help us to grow to be more and more like Christ. For the moulding of our character and the growth of our knowledge.
Being able to have sheep is a privilege.
Being able to serve the caregroup is a privilege.
:)
And I thank God for these privileges which I have. and pray that I will never take them for granted :)

I love unorthodox people!
hahahaa :D
fellowship is so refreshing! :D

Koped this from Gracia's facebook page.

Pencil: I'm sorry
Eraser: For what? You didn't do anything wrong.
Pencil: I'm sorr...y cos you get hurt bcos of me. Whenever I made a mistake, you're always there to erase it. But as you make my mistakes vanish, you lose a part of yourself. You get smaller and smaller each time.
Eraser: That's true. But I don't really mind. You see, I was made to do this. I was made to help you whenever you do something wrong. Even though one day, I know I'll be gone and you'll replace me with a new one, I'm actually happy with my job. So please, stop worrying. I hate seeing you sad. :)


I found this conversation between the pencil and the eraser very inspirational. Parents are like the eraser whereas their children are the pencil. They're always there for their children, cleaning up their mistakes. Sometimes along the way... they get hurt, and become smaller (older, and eventually pass on). Though their children will eventually find someone new (spouse), but parents are still happy with what they do for their children, and will always hate seeing their precious ones worrying, or sad.

Written by: Lai Jun Wei

I guess it's interesting to be able to influence the students on bgr issues. kinda like making a small impact in how they choose their partners, and a mini contribution to the preventive work of ensuring they don't do funny things.
i guess we all need to continue to learn the importance of not rushing things, and to keep everything in season.
hahaa.
i hope more kids come and talk to me about bgr. LOL

This is the 2800th post I'm writing since the start of this blog :)
Was about to type about something but I kinda forgot what it is.
And I guess there are times when we kinda forget how things were like in the past, or what we've gone through, or lessons that we've previously learned, but have forgotten.
And in a way, a blog is a personal bibliography.

I realize that sometimes when I start to do mundane stuff, my brain will start to wander... and I'd be daydreaming again.haha

shucks. just realized that i'm back to talking regularly about my favourite topic.
LOL.
though it brightens up my life quite a lot :D
i guess it's the effect of having gfg not too long ago.
recently we celebrated Christine's birthday :) haha. a very nice sister! :) she's a doctor, but she doesn't have airs. and she's smart, but she doesn't put other people down :) i loooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeeeee unassuming people:)
hahaa.
one of the highest compliments that I have for a person is when the person is nice and unassuming (though there's someone i know who doesn't like the title of nice :P haha).
'cos not all pple get that title :D
i'm actually quite glad (though irritated at times) that God allowed around 70% of the world to be phlegs. haha!
nice people who won't start wars or quarrels unnecessarily :)
but not the most productive :\ hee.
am sleepy once again:S

Was just discussing with another sister about marriage life previously.
and was just commenting that when I think about marriage life, I think about housework. haha. not that I won't think about the company and all that, or that there's another person helping, or that there're various other things that're harder than housework, but I'd think about housework.
LOL.
probably 'cos I don't usually do the housework >_< LOL
And my room is STILL in a mess.
wahahaha.
How can I get married if my room is still in a mess and I'm not able to discipline myself to have it cleaned up regularly? :) heehee. A messy house in the future will probably produce frustration and loss of items.
oh the horrors.
hahaha.
oh! i'm so glad this morning when one colleague volunteered to engage his services with my programme, and the other gave suggestions on what i can do! :D haha.
feels appreciated :)

Am slightly stoned this morning :\

Koped this from net too :)
Harvard: Flowers Boost Morning Moods

Flowers Perk Up MorningsRecent research confirms that flowers might be the perfect pick-me-up for millions of Americans who do not consider themselves “morning people.” Participants of a behavioral study conducted by researchers at Harvard University and Massachusetts General Hospital confirmed that they feel least positive in the early hours but reported being happier and more energetic after looking at flowers first thing in the morning.

“The morning blahs, it turns out, is a real phenomenon, with positive moods – happiness, friendliness and warmth, for example – manifesting much later in the day,” says lead researcher Nancy Etcoff, Ph.D. “Interestingly, when we placed a small bouquet of flowers into their morning routines, people perked up.”

Dr. Etcoff is referencing the fact that participants in the study responded to the flowers, which had been placed in rooms they frequented in the morning. Overall, the participants reported they liked to look at the blooms first thing in the morning, particularly in the kitchen. The final study results demonstrate that flowers impact people emotionally at home, causing them to feel less anxious and more compassionate. They even reported a boost of energy that lasted through their day.

“What I find interesting is that by starting the day in a more positive mood, you are likely to transfer those happier feelings to others – it’s what is called mood contagion,” says Etcoff. “And, the kitchen is the place where families tend to gather in the morning – imagine how big a difference a better morning mood can make.”
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Sounds nice (I've originally typed 'nice sounds') =) haha. I think it would be nice to have bright coloured gerberas gracing my mornings :D (either pink or orange or bright yellow would be nice). Either that, or tulips! Purple and white tulips :D
haha. okay.
i sound like a 花痴。
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Just talked to a student. Am much much more awake now :D

Koped this from the net:

1 Peter 3:7 gives further instruction along this line: "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way." The Greek literally reads, "Dwell with them according to knowledge." The only way to live with your wife in an understanding way is to seek to know her. And when a husband listens and responds to what his wife shares--remembering that women are created to be verbal--she will feel cherished and understood and loved.

The last part of 1 Peter 3:7 continues, "live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman." This isn't a slam on women. When we read this verse, we ought to think along the lines of a fine china cup. It's definitely weaker than a tin cup, but that's because it's so fragile, delicate, and far more valuable. When we serve dinner on our china, we're very careful in handling it, and extremely protective of washing and drying it. We treat our china with tenderness and gentleness because of its fragility and value. That's how we cherish it. And that's how a man is to treat his wife--not roughly or carelessly, but with tenderness and gentleness, because God made women to be treated with special care.

[Sue] The flip side of needing to be cherished is our need for security. We need to be protected and provided for. Even when a wife works, she wants to know that her husband is the main provider, or at least truly wants to be and is working to that end. The burden of being forced to provide for our families is bigger than we should have to bear.

[Ray] God created that need for security within women. That's why He puts such a high value on the provisional aspect of a man's character. 1 Timothy 5:8 says, "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." God wants us men to be diligent workers and providers. He created us to bear the burden of providing; women are to be protected from that burden whenever possible.

---> Sounds good :D LOL! but nowadays i see a lot of mothers carrying the burden of the family instead :(

why are things so troublesome?
why are standards inconsistent?
why are circumstances different?

Learn To Do ItWaltz Reprise

Absolutely love this song as well :)

Planning out next year's programme now..
Someone's comment on the video for Anastasia.
"I'm crying. I miss being younger."

Me too.
i miss being younger.

~one step at a time, one hope then another
who knows where this road may go
back to who I was, on to find my future
Things my heart still needs to know
yes, let this be a sign
let this road be mine
let it lead me to my past
and bring me home... at last~

haha.
love Anastasia the movie :)
still loving it! :D

Thom Yorke With Bjork - I've Seen It All

Still one of the songs that haunt me to date.

Saw this book online.
Looks interesting! :)
Guess it's true that a lie is sometimes easier and faster to believe than the truth.
That's why it's very important to give people time to speak!
Especially if it's children.. 'cos sometimes people just assume that they have done wrong when they haven't. Or that people keep questioning them and they are unable to keep up with the questions.

my dm is sensible. haha.
he said to a student
"You have the right to be angry. You have the right to be angry at the teacher. But you have no right to show the middle finger to the teacher."

Which I think is very true.
Not about rights, but it's okay to be angry. But there's no right to disrespect another person because you're angry.

Am hungry.
Haven't had breakfast 'cos cases kept coming down :(

look at this stuff, isn't it neat
wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
wouldn't you think i'm the girl,
the girl who has
everything?

look at this trove, treasures untold
how many wonders does one cavern hold?
looking around here you'd think, sure...
she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
I've got whozits and whatzits galore
You want thingamobobs?
I've got plenty!
but who cares, no big deal...
i want more...

I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
wanna see i'm dancing
walking on those, what you call it, oh feet.
Flipping your fins you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing
Walking along on those, what's that word again? Streets...

Up where they walk
up where they run
up where they stay all day in the sun
wandering free
wish I could be
part of that world

What would I give if I could live out of this water?
What I would pay to spend a day warm on the sand?
Betcha on land they understand
bet they don't reprimand their daughters
Bright young women, sick of swimming,
ready to stand..

And ready to know what the people know
Ask them my questions and get some answers
What's a fire and why does it, what's the word? Burn..
When's it my turn
Wouldn't I love
Love to explore the shores from above...

Out of the sea
Wish I could be
Part of that world

Was reading blog posts from 2005. haha.
I think in a sense, we were all so much more innocent and more optimistic then? :)
life, in its entirety, does get a person down at times.
not entirely sure if it's a good things that i've become more serious, or if it's not. but i think i wanna regain back a lot more of my sang side, rather than the melancholic side :)
This is from a past post. haha. something which I find amusing:
According to experts, most people have either a "dog" personality or a "cat" personality, although a small number fall under the "others" category. This is how it works: think of the animal you would most like to have if you could have only one pet. Then think of the animal you would choose if you were allowed a second pet - this could be the same as the first. The first animal represents one's own personality and the second, that of one's spouse or soulmate. So, for example, someone who chooses Cat for the first animal and Dog for the second animal is compatible with someone who chooses Dog first and Cat second.

At a corporate team-building retreat, the trainer posed the personality question to my unwitting colleague. Being a fish lover, he chose the arrowana as his preferred pet. Asked for his second choice, he pondered for a moment. "Perhaps a grasshopper," he finally said. "It would make good fodder for the arrowana".

And this has always been my heart desire:) (interestingly, I never realized I wrote it in a previous post)
"but all i wanna say is that what i really want for a birthday (for every year in fact) is to see YOU in service WITH ME."

I believe I meant it both literally and figuratively :)

Read my previous posts on the period of time when I relief taught in class. Frankly speaking, I can't really remember much about it. haha.
Something I wrote in the past:
"i mean it's frustrating and one can be easily angered at their rebelliousness and all that, but when a student says 'i don't care anymore. i want to get suspended but the principal doesn't want to suspend me.'
when a student had that look of wanting to try again for an instance, and then gives it up, i feel that that's the saddest thing that can happen."

And I guess in a sense, along the way, I kinda lost that compassion towards them? Could it be 'cos I've been working in the school environment for some time and my innocence has been eroded?

The me in 2005 said this:
"The installment of great ambitions in everyone awaits the fulfillment of these great ambitions and is dependent upon the source of strength for the person to fulfill all these things. (xinying's spot of inspiration, copyright 2005)"

hahaha.
looking back.. maybe the me in 2005 is wiser than the me in 2010!

And the following encouraged me rather! :D Something from the blog posts of 2006:

"How God builds you while you are building your ministry
by Rick Warren

Did you know that God uses a very predictable process to build your character? I call this process the "Six Phases of Faith." If you don’t understand this process, you’ll get discouraged when problems arise. You’ll wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" But if you understand and cooperate with what God is doing in your ministry, your faith - like a muscle that is stretched - will develop great strength.

Phase 1: A dream
God gives you a dream – an idea, goal, or ambition. Every great accomplishment first begins as a God-given dream in someone’s mind. "God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” (Eph. 3:20 LB)

Phase 2: A decision
A dream is worthless until you decide to do something about it. For every 10 dreamers, there’s only one decision-maker. This is the moment of truth where you decide to invest your time, money, energy, and reputation and to let go of security. If you want to walk on water - you must get out of the boat! "You must believe and not doubt … a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6, 8 GN)

Phase 3: A delay
There is always a time lapse before your dream becomes reality. God uses this waiting period to teach us to trust him. Remember, a delay is not a denial. Maturity is understanding the difference between "no” and "not yet.” God says, “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3 LB)

Phase 4: A difficulty
Now the problems start popping up. The two most common types: critics and circumstances. Don’t worry. It’s all a part of God’s plan. “At the present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident – it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 Ph)

Phase 5: A dead end!
Your situation will deteriorate from difficult to impossible. You are backed into a corner, you reach the end of your rope; it looks hopeless. Congratulations! You are on the edge of a miracle. Trust God. “At that time we were completely overwhelmed … in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe we had this sense of impending disaster so that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves but in God who can raise the dead.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9 Ph)

Phase 6: A deliverance
God provides a supernatural answer. Miraculously, things fall into place! God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections so you can see his greatness. “I expect the Lord to deliver me once again so I will see his goodness to me ….” (Ps. 27:13)"

Realize that sometimes I die at the dead end part. That I was unaware that I was on the edge of a miracle and did not hold on to the promise of God beyond that.. and thus my dream dies, and has to be restarted again.
No more!
It shall be perseverance to the end!

And this is from the same blogpost where the above came from :) in 2006, I wrote:

"It's rather amazing to me that pastor jeff decided to write about dreams in life as his latest blog entry.. 'cos it just so happens that i was thinking about my own dreams in life when i was bathing.
I was thinking about acting. I have a passion for acting. Seriously. Though i don't think i'm a particular good actress or something, but the passion has lingered from primary school till now, bringing me through all sorts of plays and watching plays. It's still within me, just that i was thinking about how i don't get the chance to work on my passion.
It's not that i've not tried. i've told my shepherds about my desire to act, i asked chenglee about drama when i was in youth, i asked kangwei about drama last year when i'm in uni grp, i volunteered to help in acting in alpha. somehow or another, nothing seem to surface. to tell the truth, i am disappointed. i guess if you really like to do something, but don't have the chance to do it, you'll be pretty much disappointed as well. haha.
then i was thinking about infocounter. it's not that i don't like infocounter or anything, i'm glad to see how much it's evolved over the past 2 years that i was in it... but it's just that infocounter has never really been one of my passions in life. hahaha. interestingly enough, i think soon i'll have to start planning for the path that infocounter should go. if you'll like to join infocounter, please do!
the thoughts of changing ministry has occurred to me a few times in the past years... but the thought of having to start all over again is disturbing as well. and if i change ministry, i'll have to start training up someone to take over me. and it's not easy at this moment, 'cos the people in mind are usually already pretty caught up with their pastoral ministry. haha.
heh. oh well."

I'm glad (and comforted!) to see that my passions remained constant through the years! That it's not influenced by people or circumstances that occurred around me, but I've always had it. haha.

It's the same with regards to movies too :D
This is what I wrote in 2006:
"haha. YAY! i'm very happy. 'cos i found people to watch movie with me! especially those nonmainstream movies. LOL. i've quite liked nonmainstream movies from long time ago...then was quite happy when dy and niee like to watch too. but dy only seem to ask niee to watch the movies at cathay, so hahaa. but now i can ask edwin or eric or jessie or shuyi to watch with me. or even michuang! haha. YAY!=)"

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Okay.
now that I've looked back.
I can now better look ahead :)

It's time to acknowledge, accept, and move ahead :)

Thank You - Hillsongs

Thank You for Your kindness
Thank You for Your mercy
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the price You paid

Thank You for salvation
Thank You for unending grace
Thank You for Your hope
Thank You for this life You gave

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus

Thank You for Your promise
Thank You for Your favour
And thank You for Your love
And everything You’ve done for me

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You’re alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

:)
time to fight.

There are times when I get bored with what I'm doing.

Now's one of those times.

There are times when I think the world is too exciting for me. When I enjoy the quiet, the solitude, the mildness of life. The peace.

but at other times, it's a whole different matter.
At this very moment, I have the desire to throw paint on wall. LOL

Being a counsellor/teacher is a bit like being an alternative parent to a child.
Just like how the best form of parenting is that of an authoritative parenting, I have realized that probably the best way to help a child grow is to have an authoritative stance towards them.
Stating down clear expectations. And showing them unconditional love.
Clear expectations, and unconditional love.
That includes listening to them whenever, wherever. Includes not nullifying their needs and desires.
Includes not giving in to all their wants and desires. Includes speaking with them, sharing clear emotions towards them (e.g. I am disappointed when you have promised to come to school, but did not.)

Saw my primary school's photos.. he's in Rome now.
and Rome has beautiful skies. And nice spaces.
but I think Padua looks prettier. haha.
I thought Padua would not be as nice as Florence.. but by the pictures, Florence is more city-ish than Padua.
Ooohhh. and the temperature looks horrendously cold. 3 degrees celsius! to 11 degrees celsius. I'd freeze to death!
Imagination is the place of solace for one who longs for heaven.

my students are responding to school and me.
Thank God :)

"Obstacles are those frightening things that become visible when we take our eyes off our goals."
--Henry Ford

I like this quote :)
Am not sure if it's the effect of running (not that I ran much :P) or the effect of my body adjusting to a certain fixed time period in waking up and in sleeping.. but I feel more alert today at 7.40am than I have been for the past few weeks. I find myself breathing deeper as well. And the world is brighter.
I guess the increased oxygen input is good for my brain. It's not that I don't feel sleepy anymore - I am still slightly sleepy. But I can better keep my sleepiness at bay (at this moment anyway). It's good for my brains to process the thoughts that I have as well.

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i pretty much dislike rules and regulations (though i definitely see the benefit in them). it irritates me very much. and it's irritating to see that they may be discrepancies in certain things which happen across congregations. but then again, maybe I don't know enough of what's going on across congregations, and what I can see is may merely be a slight glance of what's actually happening.
Am thinking about comfort zones as well.
haha. but it may just be my liking for convenience side kicking in.
ah well :)

dear sister, i understand how you feel.

every leader is different.
what works for one leader may be different for another leader.
so sad.

This song is stuck in my mind.. this line anyway
~The club is alive with the sound of music~
the rest of the lyrics are not so innocent. haha.
i thought the reuse of the tune of the line from 'the sound of music' is quite cool.
original lyrics runs as
'the hills are alive with the sound of music~
hee.
Song can be found here

Am inspired by a blog to do projects, to stick to it one at a time, to finish it and in the process, to learn, to research and to immerse myself in the topic/project of choice until I see its end.

Am also inspired to want to put more logic and sequence into the thoughts I have (though even as I type this, there’s a part in my brain that is screaming out ‘but it’d stifle creativity! We want to be random! [and even as I typed this halfway, other things captured my attention and drew it away, such that I only came back to {and before I could finish this statement, I got distracted by others again and only came back to type this at 12am} type this at 10.40am] We want to be able to multitask and complete many different things within the same period of time! Life is short! We want to burst out with songs and prose and poems!’. Hahaa.

[And work came, and students came, and other articles came, and other things to do came into my mind, and I stopped writing this article all the way till 3:46pm when I picked it up again.]

So at this moment, I am wondering to myself what kind of projects I should embark on, as well as how to define the projects (in terms of time frame, deadline, what I’d need to do. I figure that perhaps when I want to start on one, I should
1) Give it a name.

A name defines the scope and purpose of the project. It also signifies an official starting. I like names. I think when one names something, or nicknames something, one owes it. It becomes personal. It is now yours. I like having things which are mine. Haha.

(Calls from parents came in at this juncture.)

(It is rather sad to note that I’ve written another Microsoft word page of the blog post, but the post has since diminished by 2/3 due to the crashing of my Microsoft Word, without me knowing why. What remains is just the memory of what I have typed, and the end result that is obtained, without actually having the thought process coming in. This is a rather saddening event, but I guess at least it’s an important work document or something which I have to re-do )

I figured out that I need to do four more things.

2) Define a scope
3) Set a deadline
4) Set target goals
5) Define, acquire and read the resources which I need to help me on my project.

Defining a scope would help me to know exactly what it is that is encompassed within the name of the project, rather than having it float anywhere and everywhere. In today’s date, it is actually quite possible to link two rather unrelated items, say for example. Eyelashes and mango. Or something similar to that extent. Setting a deadline helps me to know how much time I have left. While setting target goals helps me to know when I’ve achieve what I need to do and to move on from the project. It can also help me to gauge how much I can achieve within that timeline set.

I’d have to take some time to figure out as to what project I would like to embark on. Am currently on operation budget (which has a name, and no scope or deadline), and have set a deadline to clean and tidy my room by end of year (this one has no name. haha).

Hope that this will keep life interesting and will also serve to help myself equip myself with interesting things which can be learned in life. Looking forward to it! :D

Oh yes. I figured I would post it in my other blog instead. Since that is super un-updated.