Was reading blog posts from 2005. haha.
I think in a sense, we were all so much more innocent and more optimistic then? :)
life, in its entirety, does get a person down at times.
not entirely sure if it's a good things that i've become more serious, or if it's not. but i think i wanna regain back a lot more of my sang side, rather than the melancholic side :)
This is from a past post. haha. something which I find amusing:
According to experts, most people have either a "dog" personality or a "cat" personality, although a small number fall under the "others" category. This is how it works: think of the animal you would most like to have if you could have only one pet. Then think of the animal you would choose if you were allowed a second pet - this could be the same as the first. The first animal represents one's own personality and the second, that of one's spouse or soulmate. So, for example, someone who chooses Cat for the first animal and Dog for the second animal is compatible with someone who chooses Dog first and Cat second.

At a corporate team-building retreat, the trainer posed the personality question to my unwitting colleague. Being a fish lover, he chose the arrowana as his preferred pet. Asked for his second choice, he pondered for a moment. "Perhaps a grasshopper," he finally said. "It would make good fodder for the arrowana".

And this has always been my heart desire:) (interestingly, I never realized I wrote it in a previous post)
"but all i wanna say is that what i really want for a birthday (for every year in fact) is to see YOU in service WITH ME."

I believe I meant it both literally and figuratively :)

Read my previous posts on the period of time when I relief taught in class. Frankly speaking, I can't really remember much about it. haha.
Something I wrote in the past:
"i mean it's frustrating and one can be easily angered at their rebelliousness and all that, but when a student says 'i don't care anymore. i want to get suspended but the principal doesn't want to suspend me.'
when a student had that look of wanting to try again for an instance, and then gives it up, i feel that that's the saddest thing that can happen."

And I guess in a sense, along the way, I kinda lost that compassion towards them? Could it be 'cos I've been working in the school environment for some time and my innocence has been eroded?

The me in 2005 said this:
"The installment of great ambitions in everyone awaits the fulfillment of these great ambitions and is dependent upon the source of strength for the person to fulfill all these things. (xinying's spot of inspiration, copyright 2005)"

hahaha.
looking back.. maybe the me in 2005 is wiser than the me in 2010!

And the following encouraged me rather! :D Something from the blog posts of 2006:

"How God builds you while you are building your ministry
by Rick Warren

Did you know that God uses a very predictable process to build your character? I call this process the "Six Phases of Faith." If you don’t understand this process, you’ll get discouraged when problems arise. You’ll wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" But if you understand and cooperate with what God is doing in your ministry, your faith - like a muscle that is stretched - will develop great strength.

Phase 1: A dream
God gives you a dream – an idea, goal, or ambition. Every great accomplishment first begins as a God-given dream in someone’s mind. "God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” (Eph. 3:20 LB)

Phase 2: A decision
A dream is worthless until you decide to do something about it. For every 10 dreamers, there’s only one decision-maker. This is the moment of truth where you decide to invest your time, money, energy, and reputation and to let go of security. If you want to walk on water - you must get out of the boat! "You must believe and not doubt … a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6, 8 GN)

Phase 3: A delay
There is always a time lapse before your dream becomes reality. God uses this waiting period to teach us to trust him. Remember, a delay is not a denial. Maturity is understanding the difference between "no” and "not yet.” God says, “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3 LB)

Phase 4: A difficulty
Now the problems start popping up. The two most common types: critics and circumstances. Don’t worry. It’s all a part of God’s plan. “At the present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident – it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 Ph)

Phase 5: A dead end!
Your situation will deteriorate from difficult to impossible. You are backed into a corner, you reach the end of your rope; it looks hopeless. Congratulations! You are on the edge of a miracle. Trust God. “At that time we were completely overwhelmed … in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe we had this sense of impending disaster so that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves but in God who can raise the dead.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9 Ph)

Phase 6: A deliverance
God provides a supernatural answer. Miraculously, things fall into place! God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections so you can see his greatness. “I expect the Lord to deliver me once again so I will see his goodness to me ….” (Ps. 27:13)"

Realize that sometimes I die at the dead end part. That I was unaware that I was on the edge of a miracle and did not hold on to the promise of God beyond that.. and thus my dream dies, and has to be restarted again.
No more!
It shall be perseverance to the end!

And this is from the same blogpost where the above came from :) in 2006, I wrote:

"It's rather amazing to me that pastor jeff decided to write about dreams in life as his latest blog entry.. 'cos it just so happens that i was thinking about my own dreams in life when i was bathing.
I was thinking about acting. I have a passion for acting. Seriously. Though i don't think i'm a particular good actress or something, but the passion has lingered from primary school till now, bringing me through all sorts of plays and watching plays. It's still within me, just that i was thinking about how i don't get the chance to work on my passion.
It's not that i've not tried. i've told my shepherds about my desire to act, i asked chenglee about drama when i was in youth, i asked kangwei about drama last year when i'm in uni grp, i volunteered to help in acting in alpha. somehow or another, nothing seem to surface. to tell the truth, i am disappointed. i guess if you really like to do something, but don't have the chance to do it, you'll be pretty much disappointed as well. haha.
then i was thinking about infocounter. it's not that i don't like infocounter or anything, i'm glad to see how much it's evolved over the past 2 years that i was in it... but it's just that infocounter has never really been one of my passions in life. hahaha. interestingly enough, i think soon i'll have to start planning for the path that infocounter should go. if you'll like to join infocounter, please do!
the thoughts of changing ministry has occurred to me a few times in the past years... but the thought of having to start all over again is disturbing as well. and if i change ministry, i'll have to start training up someone to take over me. and it's not easy at this moment, 'cos the people in mind are usually already pretty caught up with their pastoral ministry. haha.
heh. oh well."

I'm glad (and comforted!) to see that my passions remained constant through the years! That it's not influenced by people or circumstances that occurred around me, but I've always had it. haha.

It's the same with regards to movies too :D
This is what I wrote in 2006:
"haha. YAY! i'm very happy. 'cos i found people to watch movie with me! especially those nonmainstream movies. LOL. i've quite liked nonmainstream movies from long time ago...then was quite happy when dy and niee like to watch too. but dy only seem to ask niee to watch the movies at cathay, so hahaa. but now i can ask edwin or eric or jessie or shuyi to watch with me. or even michuang! haha. YAY!=)"

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Okay.
now that I've looked back.
I can now better look ahead :)

It's time to acknowledge, accept, and move ahead :)