you know, people seem to have the misconception that a lot of things are just two ends of the spectrum.. which can be quite disastrous considering that MANY things are not two ends of the spectrum... but that one is the absence of the other. it's just like in temperature. what is coldness? the absence of heat! we count upwards from degrees farenheit.. haha. absolute 0 IS absolute 0. coldness. is merely. the. absence. of heat. :)
let's continue.
silence, is the absence of sound (or vibrations in the air)
sadness, is the absence of happiness.
sorrow, is the absence of joy.
hatred comes in the absence of love.
darkness comes in the absence of light.
and when you find that you have a hole in the heart, you find the absence of something to fill that hole in your heart:)
may you find the right person to fill it up with=] for that hole is pretty deep. and unending.
so the person you need to find will have to be able to provide unconditional and everlasting love.
or else you'll find that there's still that absence in your heart, forever unfilled :)
ah.

i feel like smacking some people and waking them up :) but i don't think that's a good idea... 'cos Jesus said to love my neighbour as myself. If i smack them in love, is that alright? :)

i feel like taking up dancing:) not this sem. maybe next year:)

we went for 'shut up and dance!' performance at UCC today. haha. 'cos jiali had two extra tickets 'cos two of her dancers couldn't make it...so yepz. watched it with (in sequence of the pple i saw today...) jiali, shane, sengkim, yanyu(?), jacqueline, christine, jasmine, gwen, dennis and apinum:) haha. it was interesting. primarily 'cos it's the first paid dance performance i've gone to..it didn't quite captivate me though.
i'm alright with the first performance:) then the second performance (ladies night) came. it was stupid. lol. the hosts were bimbotic and slightly annoying (though i did miss them quite a lot during the dances whereby they didn't make an appearance. their appearance was more enticing than the dance performance:)
There're a few dances which i enjoy.. haha. I enjoy 'mirror of many possibilities'..it's the 3rd dance danced by a couple. haha. i thought that the idea was very fresh:) and it certainly was a welcome break after the second dance:) i believe i enjoyed the forth dance too.. haha. the slower songs really did offer a break from the seemingly routinal moves from faster paced, seeking to be raunchy but just managed to turn people off dances:) i enjoyed the idea of the styled people dancing hiphop. hahaha. liked twilight touch too=) the other couple dance. haha.
i especially disliked the tribal dance thing. thought it was just plain stupid and overstepped the boundary of the word 'dance'. i guess in a sense, i can't really tell what it means to be a dancer, or what is defined as 'dancing', but it was a 'dance' which was first and foremost, pretty derogatory to females, secondly, looks like they're just wild animals doing moves for the sake of moving their bodies and thirdly, they didn't do it well.
there were some other dances with lots of sexual innuendoes, grinding and just basically slamming sexualised visual images into your face. as jacqueline puts it 'there to cause the guys to feel something':P
however, i do admire the dancers for their ability to utilize the body so greatly to form moving pictures, as well as for their stamina. haha. not to say of course, that their bodies are in such great shapes XD
somewhere in between the show, i got reminded of how shane is only 14 years old. i looked at the dance and grinned. poor shane.
yea well:) it was an interesting experience nonetheless:) haha.

Church anniversary special service in expo hall 2 next sat! Join us! There's gonna be dance and a great time of fellowship as the whole church comes together as one:) Haha... So cool! The whole family coming together! Like one big family reunion:)

The throngs of people gathered to listen to her sing... She's got a brilliant voice!:) Haha.

Guess what i saw at toa payoh?:) shixinhui on stage... Haha. With two lousy hosts:) lots of people...

yay. i've finally updated the links:) a long overdue task that is finally accomplished. haha:)
feeling really sleepy at this moment 'cos i haven't slept past 2.30am for some time now.. and there's tuition tmr. haha. how thrilling:) but it was really good to be able to update the blog addresses, 'cos somehow or another, it feels as though it's another chance for people to talk once more:)
btw, if you're an nus student and wishes to have the chance to earn a $100 book voucher, do vote for Seet Yong Hwei at
https://staffweb.nus.edu/ISIS/Lists/Portal%20Naming%20Contest/Introduction.htm :)
Thanks:) haha.

Can't wait for next tuesday! Haha... It's forbidden city day! Woohoo! Best seats!Haha. Okay. Maybe not the 'best'... But category a seats:) grin. Haha. Two rows before the vip seats... Can't wait! I've sacrificed weeks of movies for this... Haha. Better be good!:-D

i woke up this morning with the song 'there is none like You' in my head. it's been some time since we've sung this song, so it was quite surprising to wake up with that song in my head...

-there is none like You
no one else could touch my heart like You do
i could search for all eternity long
and find, there is none like You

Your mercy flows like a river wide
and healing comes from Your hand
suffering children are safe in Your arms...
there is none like You-

indeed. there is no one like God..God who knew that i was getting rather down and out due to some stuff. God who knows that i was about to wallow in self pity and sent 2 unexpected people to talk to me. Just a normal conversation, but it encouraged me greatly and reminded me that what i did in the past, or am doing now, will have repercussions in the future. positive repercussions. that though it might seem as though nothing fruitful has resulted from certain things i do, God is already working through what has been done. He has already secured the future. really greatly lifted me up...though i was still a bit down when i went to sleep last night, i woke up this morning having a fresh insight into what i went through.
i had a refreshing day today as well. actually it started out quite disastrous... finding out that i had low batt and subsequently no batt and really couldn't contact lots of people.. then couldn't find my ICare peer and buddy... couldn't call or sms people.. ah. haha. but my only tutorial today turned out to be quite entertaining... and i realized that thinking of experiments ain't that hard. haha. i dropped my laptop after tutorial class, in the class itself.. and my tutor was like going 'orhor... your SPSS data gone.' then i was sheepishly shrugging when he continued 'your msn contacts gone!' haha. super funny. he's a funny tutor..though it might not seem like it at first when he set the ground rules. haha. thought i wouldn't enjoy research and statistical methods...but it seems to be quite different from my expectations. haha.
had the chance to work with guanrui today for games..haha. refreshing:) the games were refreshing as well. haha. though there were some unprepared moments and technical glitches.. i gotta say i did enjoy myself as well. haha.
interesting day :)

-You said, ask and you will receive whatever you need
You said, pray and I'll hear from heaven and I'll heal your land
You said, Your glory will fill the earth, like water the sea
You said, lift up your eyes
the harvest is here
the Kingdom is near
You said, ask and i'll give the nations to you
O Lord that's the cry of my heart-

to you.
haha.
don't think you even read my blog. but this goes out to you anyway.
thanks for inspiring me to grow with your life example:)

to another you.
whom i think reads my blog.
thanks for being there for me to learn from:) and for your company:)

to yet another you.
the one who's sleeping now.
i forgive you. 'cos i remember of what is said in the Lord's prayer. Forgive us, as we have also forgiven our debtors.

---
it's been a week of shocks:) thinking back, i was just wondering if i'll still be shocked by different things that come my way. haha. we'll see:)
today we had HQ warming:) HQ's at engine bridge:) haha. we had pizza and spaghetti and fondue=] and an excellent time of fellowship. long time since we met together to really talk to one another and enjoy the fragrance of each other's company:) i learned more about the people who're in both units. it feels good.
a connection beyond the physical and superficial. a connection beyond time. a connection beyond doubts.
---
sleepy:) but still got readings to do and notes to print out:) sometimes i just wanna sit by the sea and feel the breeze till i fall asleep. or to continuously swim laps around the pool. to have the luxury of time to ponder.
:)

today's an eventful day. eventful not in terms of the things to do. eventful in terms of my emotions. i was angry and shocked, both in the same day. whoa. emotional fatigue.
angry 'cos of my dad's ridiculous claims and accusations. i've already explained the situation but it didn't seem to have gone across. even more ridiculous is his suggestion:P
shock 'cos of something i heard today. shocked. shocked till i don't know what to say.
so that's my day.
was being indignant and thinking about why i should respect someone who's not worthy of respect. and the answer of 'you weren't worthy to be loved, but God love you anyway' came to mind. oh well. took a while for that statement to really sink in. it's so hard to understand something when emotions have taken over. self control really is needed.
and to think just at the lift, i was thinking about the verse 'love is patient, love is kind'. thinking about how i should strive (with the work of the Holy Spirit in me) to be the kind of person who'll still love when no one else can love... simply because i have God's love in me.
haha. when you say you wanna grow, God really moulds.

i ran just now:) haha. it was another impulsive act. i seem to have impulsive acts on sunday nights. the thought of running came to me at 11pm and refused to go. it lingered on and swirled around in the matter of my brain... till i decided to 'make a trip' down to 7-eleven by using the route that goes round the whole estate instead of the short 2 mins walk=] haha.
i didn't run the whole way of course, considering that i haven't ran for a long time. i briskwalked most of the journey, partly 'cos it feels weird to run when there're people walking towards you... there was this stretch with no one in sight, so i happily ran that stretch. haha. quite delightful! then it was time for cooldown. so i went to get mashed potato from 7 eleven and walked back home=] haha. wonderful. though i started to feel quite tired after buying the mashed potato. lol.
so herein marks the start of my beginning in running once again:) don't ask me to run with you.. 'cos i have no wish to strain myself:) i wanna think LONG TERM and PERSEVERENCE =] not CHIONG and DIE OUT. xD
it's still not exactly my favourite sport though. haha. swimming is so much more enjoyable (in my opinion).. but i'm limited these days 'cos i have no goggles:P wait till i get goggles XD
so much to do, so much to see:) so sleepy. LOL

i'm having extreme holy discontentment. Was watching something which was sent to me through email and thinking to myself that what i see can happen in Hope as well. Great throngs of people who sincerely love God and lives up to God's Word praising and worshipping God together and declaring about the sovereignty and power and immense grace of our Lord Almighty. People who do not dilute the teachings of the bible, with values in line with the perfect standard of God, yet still very relevant to the world, for the bible is written not only for the people 2000 years ago, but as much so now as before. The bible is written for us! For the people of 2006! For the people of 2020! For the people of the past and present and future, to when Jesus comes back for her church.
We need greater annointing. We need greater power. We need a surgery of our minds and our hearts. We need to wear the shield of faith. We NEED to believe that God can do immeasurably MUCH MORE than what we can imagine THROUGH US. We need to believe that God is the God of glory and honour. He is GOD! He's not any Tom, Dick or Harry in the world. He's not even the Bill Gates or whatnots. He's God! The creator of the universe (of which even great scientists have believed in after great details in research in the fields of astronomy, of cosmology, of biology, of physics and beyond.)
God said in His Word:
'Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know' - Jeremiah 33:3

GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS beyond the wisdom and knowledge of men. Things which have yet to be explored by science. Things which we do not even have the technology to probe into yet. Things of life which boggle even the most philosophical philosophers.
This great wisdom. Found only in the one who created all things.
Impossible IS indeed a small word thrown about by men who find it easier to live in their own comfort zones. I want to witness the impossible come to pass. I've seen the impossible become possible before and i want to witness MORE of these.
It's the time to ask for empowerment and annointing. It's the time for stepping into the purpose which God has destined us to be.
It's the time to act, and react.

I am a person of likes and dislikes. Everyone likes and dislikes some things around. I like to sort out what i like and what i dislike.. so that i can understand better why i react to some things and why i don't.

Things i like:
i like to analyse my own behaviour in different situations and examine my reactions.
i like to know about myself. i like to be highly self aware. i like to analyse my motives for doing things so that i don't do things with a wrong motive.
i like to list out things. such as this list about likes and dislikes.
i like to do things for people. if i can do something for you, i'll be very happy. i especially like to do things for the people i love, it makes me even happier. in fact, if i love you and i can do something for you, it brightens up my day by quite a bit.
i like to love people. and i like to love animals.
i like to make people happy. though sometimes it's not possible to make everyone happy. 'cos if some people are happy, other people ain't. sometimes making people means going against my principles. in that case, i'll rather stick to my principles and values than make people happy. 'cos i like to make God happy more than anyone else.
i like movies. in fact, i love movies. i love the stimulation of my sense of hearing and sense of sight. i love to listen to people talk. if there's something i can get you to do, i'll sit you down and talk to me. just don't ask me to give a response. 'cos i just want to listen. i enjoy listening. but it does not mean i'm a good listener. haha. i try to be. does that help?
i like lectures. it's got something to do with my love for the stimulation of my sense of hearing. it's got something to do with the joy i obtain when i learn something new which lies in the area of my interest as well. as a result, i'm usually quite happy when there're lectures. though fatigue may cause me to want to sleep rather than listen.
i like to swim. i like to swim alone.
i like to touch things. i like being able to touch the different textures of things. i like to know if the object i'm seeing is smooth or hard or rough or soft.
i like to see. that explains for my love for movies.
i like to watch plays and musicals and an occasional dance performance. not so much of band or choir. i don't have much of an interest in these performances=S
i like music. a lot. i like good music in good settings.
i like to think.
i like deep connections with people. i get frustrated when i cannot connect deeply with a person after knowing the person for some time. this is kinda impossible sometimes 'cos there're so many people to know.
i like to read. i can spend a whole day reading if i have nothing else to do. reading and listening to music. or sitting opposite someone listening to the person talk.
i like to appreciate beauty.
i like mysteries. i like to see how mysteries are solved. i like detective stories. i like forensic science. i'd like to be a forensic psychologist but i don't think i can reach it. haha. but i like exploring crimes anyway.

what do i dislike?
i dislike people who judge. i dislike people who judge and assume that a person will remain the same just because the person was that way at a point of time. i believe strongly that everyone changes and it's not right to fix a person at a particular frame just because the person did certain things at certain times.
i dislike changes. haha. i take four months to adjust to a major change.
i dislike close datelines.
i dislike cleaning up my room. i wonder many times how i'm going to have a family next time 'cos i dislike cleaning up my room. maybe i won't ever have a family 'cos i don't like to clean up my room. it's a necessity, but it doesn't mean i have to like it. lol.
i dislike not having time to read.
...

=]

My cat... Sleeping unreservedly on the kitchen floor:) Haha...a few seconds after i took the picture, she woke up. Oh well... Poor thing... Can't have a good sleep 'cos she has an evil owner who'll take pictures of her when she sleeps:) Haha!

The reason why i posted the former post (refer to post below) is that i wanted to show michelle (right in the photo below) how the 'blog this' function on my phone works. haha. quite a cool function:) Allows me to post pictures directly onto the net without having to host it :D
haha.
it has been two weeks of birthday celebrations, for four people. this week there'll be two more dear siblings' birthdays.. but the celebration planning is not done by the birthday comm. Thank God for the CLs! hahaha. gives me some time to sort out everything else i suppose:)
Today is a day of rest:) haha. 'cos no school. no former commitments. no nothing:) just a day for things to ease by and to be sorted into place:) Just like a river than lazes along the riverbed till it seperates into various streams and braids of water. thank God i've got no lessons today.. 'cos yesterday i was having a horrible headache which wouldn't go away. LOL. i woke up this morning amused, refreshed and breathing in fresh air:) joy. hahaa. a time for me to pen down random thoughts as breezes explore the room:)

-who makes the air that brings me life so i can breath the love that's given to me-

going to school later to do some stuff though:) the chance to see the brothers and sisters just perks me up. hahaa. seriously. i can be very down, can be very tired, can be very stressed... but seeing the brothers and sisters literally lead the gladness into my heart:) my days are brightened everyday 'cos of the many people i see. hahaa:)

Birthday babies

Haha... These are the birthday babies of whom we celebrated with on sat:)

-when i'm a sparrow in the winter
You are the seed i find
when i'm a heart with a splinter
Your hot blood keeps me alive
if i can call You a colour
You'll be the deepest of blues
if i had my pleasure with anything
You'll be the one that i choose

now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mysteries revealed
now i'm coming clear
i can see my fears released
now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You

i'm soft, like clay
Your hands, they mould me
for You, i will run away
just to hear You calling out my name!

now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mysteries revealed
now i'm coming clear
i can see my fears released
now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You

i'm broken and empty
without You
i'm blinded
i need You
i need You near me
i need You near me

now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You
now that i can see the mysteries revealed
now i'm coming clear
i can see my fears released
now it's crystal clear i'm falling for You

please catch me
i'm falling for You
please catch me
i'm falling for You
please catch me
i'm falling for You-

'Like an apple tree among the tree of the forest
is my lover among the young men.
I delight to sit in his shade
and his fruit is sweet to my taste.
He has taken me to the banquet hall,
and his banner over me is love.
Strengthen me with raisins,
refresh me with apples,
for i am faint with love.
His left arm is under my head,
and his right arm embraces me.' Song of Songs 2:3-6

When i was in Secondary 3, i fell in love with a song called 'You' by Jaci Valesquez. I fell in love with the one whom the song was describing. and i alluded it to another human being. Here're the lyrics :)

Who makes, the sun light up my shadows
When the darkness tries to follow me
Who makes, the air that brings me life
So I can breathe the love that's given to me

You make everything good, everything wonderful
You grace my days and heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make everything pure, everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
It's You

Who makes, the waters of my sorrow part
And leads the gladness into my heart
Who makes, the rivers run that wash away
And clean my soul to make a new start

You make everything good, everything wonderful
You grace my days and heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make everything pure, everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
It's You

You hung the moon
You placed the stars that shine your love for me
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of You

Then i went to tell Grace that i like this song.. and she told me it's a christian song :) hahaa:) at that time i'm still anti-christ, but it's a beautiful song nevertheless :)
Now that i'm a christian, it means so much more. Not just because i finally know the one whom this song is written for, but also because i can finally fully identify what the song is singing about. and with all my heart, i sing the same song:)

My cat

Haha... Blogging from phone again... My beautiful cat:)

today's only the second day of school and already i'm feeling overwhelmed. like there's so much things to do, yet not enough time to do it. haha. i can't even rest on my free day. lol.
but so exciting! hahaa. so excited for michelle and ellson's birthday celebration on saturday=D so excited for all the other lectures to start... so excited for myself to finish the social psy textbook. LOL.
in a new term, there're new people. when they're new people, there's time needed to know these new people. then you tend to have lesser time for your old friends. not because you don't want to be with them, to talk to them, but it's 'cos ur attention is now spread over even more people (on top of all these other things you have). yea.
-i wonder what you're doing
i wonder where you are
there's oceans between us
but that's not very far-

=]

i'm abnormally self conscious when you're around. frustrating.

Haha... This is very interesting... I'm actually blogging from my phone right now... Took me a while to find everything 'cos viewing a site from the laptop and viewing a site on your handphone is quite different... As can be expected. Haha;) better go off to sleep... Lots of things to think abt tmr:)

today is a tiring day :) heh. today i woke up at 9.20am, alarmed. not 'cos my alarm rang (it doesn't ring anymore. haha), 'cos i thought it's already 11+ and i've missed the time to meet micheo at somerset. haha. we went for 11.30am service today. rushed breakfast in 10 mins? HAHA.
was quite interesting today 'cos we had a guest speaker:) He's a funny pastor.hahaa. got quite a nice voice too :) i tend to notice people's voices and the texture of their voices :) heh.
then we joined NG14A4 (confusing) for lunch at tian tang (heaven). hahaha. interesting place. it was empty. HAHAHA. then we joined them for ktv at party world! hahaa. actually wanted to join the dota people..but was worried that we wouldn't finish the game in time for me to go to city hall to meet weiling at 5... soyea. stayed with the ktv pple :) 'cos an interesting experience 'cos i don't know weiwei and fengqi they all very well. even shushan. haha. but was even more interesting 'cos my first shepherd was there! junting came back from australia 2 weeks ago! hahaa. yay. missed her:) 'cos haven't talked to her for a very long time. my philosophy towards shepherds is 'once a shepherd, always a shepherd'. hahahaha. yay. got time to talk to her a bit more :) really glad and thankful for the chance. hahaa. oh guess what! she saw claire and talked to her in hope brisbane! hahaa. and she was shocked to hear that claire plays dota too. LOL. apparently it's quite the culture there.. 'cos it's $8 for overnight dota.. which is very hua suan. hahaha.
yea! then went to meet weiling and micheo's fren elaine to go for fop together:) btw, breadtalk's mochi thingy is NICE! go try it. haha.
very tired. haha.

my dear adorable cat is sleeping on the floor again:) she's having some sort of an ear infection and her ear stinks. literally. with a funny odour wafting out of her ear very often, something which can be smelled 15cm away. hehe.
but i still love her :) 'cos she's my cat. though i try not to breathe so much when i'm near her :) heh.
we played DOTA today! hahaa. i haven't played DOTA with the brothers and sister(s?) for some time.. lol. just the game with jianliang and jan and michelle=] haha. 'cos i'll lag out. SADLY, i lagged out again today! at the LAN shop! disastrous :) but ezalor did me proud! haha. just that i really cannot kill heroes very well 'cos i'm a support hero :) maybe i should have followed behind ellson or jeffrey and supported them instead:) it was me, ellson, jeffrey against weiling (with zhenzhong as her advisor), benaiah and edwin. intriguing. it's my first time on the same team as jeffrey and ellson:)
i'm on a 8 week 'training' programme to get myself to go from my nonexistent running time to 30 minutes of continuous running. haha. bought sports shoes on impulse 'cos i don't wanna drag in the running thing. got rubberbands to tie my hair too. yay. i can start tomorrow by walking 30 minutes. lol.
today alan preached. i miss alan's preaching. hahaa. he's got a very nice way of putting ideas together and bringing ideas across clearly. i like teachings with a very clear way of bringing ideas across clearly. haha:)
today i did duty :) quite enjoyable 'cos was doing with matthew and windez.. then both of them around my age and quite nice to be with. hahaa.
today i bought 'case for creator' :) what a thick book.. but i enjoyed the first chapter. i've a feeling i'm going to enjoy the following chapters 'cos it talks about science:) i love science. especially biology. hahaa. and i love Jesus. so let's see how science and Jesus links together:) what a wonderful combination!

okay, i'm a bit boliao. hahaa. look what i found on the net! LOL. my words! quoted! amazing.
Click here for the article. LOL.

Lifted from the article:
Outraged, student Xinying Tan, 15, said, “I think this attack didn't weaken America. Instead, it helped to strengthen America’s citizens."

The attackers, said Xinying, are "stupid because we all know that America will definitely retaliate. Though it's the economic downturn now, America still has quite a lot of resources. All the family members… the worry, the distress.”

that's in response to 9/11. i don't seem to remember saying that. hahaha. but who cares!

i think i'm allergic to my cat. haha. 'cos i'll sneeze like crazy whenever my cat is in the room with me. then when she leaves, i'll stop sneezing. how odd. my cat is currently sleeping on my bedroom floor unreservedly. lying on her side with her body stretched to the full length and her tail lying carelessly over her legs. her breathing is slow and steady and she sleeps on undisturbed despite the noisy sound effects that were coming out from my laptop as a result of the dota game i'm playing.
and now she awakens with a sudden turn of her head and began to lick her paw. turning to position herself in a more comfortable position, she now places her head on her paws and proceeded back to a serene slumber.
slumbering is an act which doesn't come to me at the normal time of 12am or 1am. it comes to me in the stillness of the night, when everyone is in deep sleep and has gone off to dreamland with their dreams and knowledge of the day. it's as though sleep has coerced everyone to enter her sweet embrace and realised that she left me out. so here she comes, with open arms to persuade me to fall into her embrace, so that i may join everyone in dreamland. her job will then be done.
yet, i am restless even as i step nearer to her. i hesitate and stood one step away from where i was, hesitant to move on. it's not that i do not wish to slumber, but many things still await doing. as i list out the things undone, she backs away, with a deep resigned sign escaping from her heart, as though she is disappointed that i did not willingly allow myself to fall into slumber. sorry sleep, i will learn to be more willing. in the future.

was just thinking about how God has allowed me to go through a lot of different experiences and learnt quite a lot of things, but i've never quite put things i know into practice.
like we used to play basketball/soccer almost everyday in sec3/sec4, the training during first three months for bball, then taekwondo in JC and running ard tracks for so many years. now i don't play basketball anymore. hahaa. i do miss the feeling of lining up and continuously shooting 2 pointers though. and i don't run anymore. hahaa. strangeness. like all the times you train to run and to push yourself, not much use now? haha. i remember running 2.4km everyday for a period of time. oh well.
maybe i should start running again? but it's so boring! hahaa. it's so.. monotonous. and i'll need to go buy new sport shoes if i wanna run. ah well. maybe i should! haha. just got another $40 from teaching cultural arts in may. lol. amazing. but the idea of spending ard $100 this month and $66 next month is something which is not very palatable. the thought of running again is not very appetizing too =] hahaha.
oh btw, i'm terribly un-sporty. i prefer to walk. i can walk for a long long time. like a few hours? just don't ask me to run. LOL. i can swim for a long long time too, like 2 hrs, but dun ask me to run. hahaha. u get the idea, i hope :)
so next time u wanna go on a walk, call me along. i can walk with you from one end of singapore to another. lol. maybe we should try that one day. think will need to map out route though.
and i'm starting to clean my room now.. in the middle of the night. haha. disastrous.

i dunno why it bothers me so much. haha.
today, for a few seconds, i did an innocent action without much thought. then when he questioned me on why i did it, i was stunned. 'cos i had no answer. HAHAHA. it just felt natural to do that at that moment. think it was 'cos of something he said. it bothers me 'cos i realized i wasn't thinking without doing the action. amazed at how fast my mind can wander if i don't take captive of my thoughts. lol.
today benaiah asked us on the key to our hearts.. haha. what's the key to your heart? what's the thing that will cause you to be delighted?
i have lots of things i think. haha.

1) good music - nowadays hard to find music that's constantly good. those kinda music u listen and listen and listen and listen and will still like it. then 10 years down the road u're still not sick of it. btw, love me by colin raye, though it's quite good, DOESN'T pass the test. 'cos i got sick of it.

2) ONLINE GAMES! hahaha. or computer games! since i'm 13, i've been playing computer games nonstop. LOL. even did an individualised research study (IRS) on RPGs. haha. and i've created my own RPG before!

3) movies. LOL. good ones. GOOD ONES. hard to find too.

haha. 4th one cannot tell u all xD

-praise Him lift your voices
let it ring throughout all the earth-

i was so tired just now at around 8 or 9+ then i fell asleep on my bed and woke up only at 11.50pm. lol. been waking up quite early these days (compared to my usual waking time of 12pm.. lol) and having less than 6 hrs of sleep. i guess for some pple 6 hrs is enough, but for me, i need 7 and above. so as can be seen, i've been having a kind of sleep deficit for a few days. lol.
these few days have been quite draining on my resources too.. haha. i don't think i've ever spent so much in one week. i'm looking forward to getting my tuition fees tmr. haha. and having my cheque being cashed in. just in time to pay for my mom's birthday celebration :)
not very sure on what to say for today :) still reading 'When God writes your love story' by eric and leslie ludy. hahaha. it's good. go read it.

it's interesting that moms blog. it's even more interesting to read a mom's blog. can you imagine your mum blogging and you reading her blog? so strange! LOL. Click here for an US mum's blog. LOL.
shuyi was just saying she's looking for past blog entries to show her fren how she's changed over the years :) I think it's very easy to see the difference in me through my blog entries. just go to 2002 and click on any of the entry. LOL. seriously! u'll see very interesting comments :)
was just sharing that i used to be a person who have crushes very easily. hahaa. like every moment i'll be liking someone? so i'll like someone for one year, then like another for another year that kinda thing. lol. guess in our hearts we all long for someone to love and for someone to love us. which is natural! 'cos God created us to be social beings and to seek companionship :) but after i come to know Christ, i have Jesus to love intensely and Jesus loves me unconditionally as well. LAVISHED His love on us, as Pastor Jeff said. LOL. and i've got lots of brothers and sisters to love as well :) i do still have crushes occasionally, but it's quite infrequent. lol.
quite amusing.. 'cos micheo passed me this book 'when God writes your love story' today 'cos she cldn't fit the book into her bag. hahaa. so qiao. LOL.

-forever God is faithful
forever God is true
forever God is with us
forever and ever, forever!-

haha. YAY! i'm very happy. 'cos i found people to watch movie with me! especially those nonmainstream movies. LOL. i've quite liked nonmainstream movies from long time ago...then was quite happy when dy and niee like to watch too. but dy only seem to ask niee to watch the movies at cathay, so hahaa. but now i can ask edwin or eric or jessie or shuyi to watch with me. or even michuang! haha. YAY!=)

(taken from pastor jeff's blog)

We all have dreams; especially those of us who give our lives fully to the Kingdom.

Just like Joseph, our dreams will go through certain cycles. If your dream is from God and for God and if you hang on to it, it will come to pass. But God's primary concern is not so much on the dream as it is on the person who receives the dream (i.e. the dreamer).

I have found this article to be so useful and so true. Rick Warren has done a great job in making this teaching so clear, simple and practical. It has really helped me a great deal. Somehow, I feel in my heart that this would help many of you who may be reading this too. May it add much courage to you as it had done for me.

Since our God is so BIG, dream BIG for Him. Let's really make an impact in our world!

_____________________________________________________________
How God builds you while you are building your ministry
by Rick Warren

Did you know that God uses a very predictable process to build your character? I call this process the "Six Phases of Faith." If you don’t understand this process, you’ll get discouraged when problems arise. You’ll wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" But if you understand and cooperate with what God is doing in your ministry, your faith - like a muscle that is stretched - will develop great strength.

Phase 1: A dream
God gives you a dream – an idea, goal, or ambition. Every great accomplishment first begins as a God-given dream in someone’s mind. "God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” (Eph. 3:20 LB)

Phase 2: A decision
A dream is worthless until you decide to do something about it. For every 10 dreamers, there’s only one decision-maker. This is the moment of truth where you decide to invest your time, money, energy, and reputation and to let go of security. If you want to walk on water - you must get out of the boat! "You must believe and not doubt … a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6, 8 GN)

Phase 3: A delay
There is always a time lapse before your dream becomes reality. God uses this waiting period to teach us to trust him. Remember, a delay is not a denial. Maturity is understanding the difference between "no” and "not yet.” God says, “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3 LB)

Phase 4: A difficulty
Now the problems start popping up. The two most common types: critics and circumstances. Don’t worry. It’s all a part of God’s plan. “At the present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident – it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 Ph)

Phase 5: A dead end!
Your situation will deteriorate from difficult to impossible. You are backed into a corner, you reach the end of your rope; it looks hopeless. Congratulations! You are on the edge of a miracle. Trust God. “At that time we were completely overwhelmed … in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe we had this sense of impending disaster so that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves but in God who can raise the dead.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9 Ph)

Phase 6: A deliverance
God provides a supernatural answer. Miraculously, things fall into place! God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections so you can see his greatness. “I expect the Lord to deliver me once again so I will see his goodness to me ….” (Ps. 27:13)

---------
It's rather amazing to me that pastor jeff decided to write about dreams in life as his latest blog entry.. 'cos it just so happens that i was thinking about my own dreams in life when i was bathing.
I was thinking about acting. I have a passion for acting. Seriously. Though i don't think i'm a particular good actress or something, but the passion has lingered from primary school till now, bringing me through all sorts of plays and watching plays. It's still within me, just that i was thinking about how i don't get the chance to work on my passion.
It's not that i've not tried. i've told my shepherds about my desire to act, i asked chenglee about drama when i was in youth, i asked kangwei about drama last year when i'm in uni grp, i volunteered to help in acting in alpha. somehow or another, nothing seem to surface. to tell the truth, i am disappointed. i guess if you really like to do something, but don't have the chance to do it, you'll be pretty much disappointed as well. haha.
then i was thinking about infocounter. it's not that i don't like infocounter or anything, i'm glad to see how much it's evolved over the past 2 years that i was in it... but it's just that infocounter has never really been one of my passions in life. hahaha. interestingly enough, i think soon i'll have to start planning for the path that infocounter should go. if you'll like to join infocounter, please do!
the thoughts of changing ministry has occurred to me a few times in the past years... but the thought of having to start all over again is disturbing as well. and if i change ministry, i'll have to start training up someone to take over me. and it's not easy at this moment, 'cos the people in mind are usually already pretty caught up with their pastoral ministry. haha.
heh. oh well.
went to meet weiling at cityhall this morning :) then went to school to help zi2wei3 with the cd covers thing. it's really nice! haha. in the words of qiaoping 'very well done'. it was done pretty fast though. haha. then went down with ziwei, lishan, minchen and guoxiong to nexus to help christine (and jessie and huanyan) with the deco stuff. poor things.. lots of things to paint. hahaa. i've got artist jeans at the end of the day! jeans with smatterings and droplets of paints. disastrous. lol. it was enjoyable.. painting and seeing the colours fill up the white board. ziwei is really talented in mixing colours. amazing sister. weiling popped up in the later part of the day. haha. thank God for this sister for coming to help out even when she's asked at the last minute=]
was very tiring at the end of the day. we had dinner at 8+pm? haha. actually i had dinner then. the rest weren't hungry. oh well. by then there were only me, christine, calyn and jessie left. haha.
i was decidedly out of energy by around 12+am. went to doze for a few minutes and woke up again with the decision to want to go to sleep. hahaa. but ended up talking to people on msn and playing a game of DOTA using the character of the prophet. oh well. i became very awake after that. hahaa. but i'm quite exhausted now once again. when the body starts to slow down and the night is quiet and you haven't had enough sleep for a few days... ah.
so adios my dear friends. i'm going to rest and dream about my dreams in life :) night!

tired =] hehe. wanted to sleep at 12am... but then there's DOTA! hahaa. with the most unexpected people at home. with michelle and jan and jianliang! haha. as usual, i happily lagged out=] but that was after i destroyed a tower at level 6! LOL.
then i went to play my own game. hahaa. then i came back on msn and saw all three of them waiting for me. *faint* yay. 2nd game was laggy but at least i didn't lag out! thank God. was quite a fast game though.. 'cos jianliang shuffled players, so we ended up on the same team, then mich and jan were on the other team. a bit unfair, 'cos jianliang is very good. LOL
michelle improved a lot too! lol. happily striking us with her forked lightning :S disgusting thing kept decreasing my life. jan also improve! but jan dun like to run. makes me wanna faint. then jianliang was doing like most of the killings. LOL.
okay. enough about dota. let's talk about ...
the lakehouse! haha. seriously speaking, it's those kinda movie which makes you go 'it's nice'..but somehow, that's the end to it. haha. i kinda like the middle whereby the pace picks up and they kept corresponding to each other via letters..all the different scenes that portray them as apart, yet near together. was quite intriguing how the whole thing worked. the movie would really have made much more sense if the guy died. LOL. lots of switching of scenes as well, but able to follow quite well. hahaa. btw, the lakehouse really is beautiful. and the dog as well. wonderful name. she's called jack.
watched it with michelle yeo, ashleigh, michelle huang, hweefung, jan and phaedre:) good time of fellowship. hahaa. didn't really talk much though..but seldom do you get the chance to watch a movie together :) the whole movie theatre was like, PACKED.
gracious.
gotta sleep. lol. i'm 2 hrs and 49 mins past my supposed bedtime for today. looks like i'll never sleep early. HAHAHAa.

today's round 0 day. haha=] and i got a preallocated module! so happy=] my pl2131 costs me only 1 point! lol. it's experiments and more experiments this sem. how fun! modules which i'm probably gonna take this sems are:
1) PL2131 - Statistical methods I (psy module)
2) PL3234 - developmental psychology (subject to change. May change to Health psychology)
3) PL3235 - social psychology
4) GEK1529 - Food and health (from chemistry department. can you believe it? hahaa)
5) AR2221 - History and theory of Southeast Asian Architecture (with shuyi, who has a great passion for archi.. except that i can't go for the tutorials. writing in to ask about skipping tutorials. hahaha)

yea... those are the modules=D haha. anyone who wanna join me is welcome to =] especially for food and health. haha.
went out with doreen and michelle to minds cafe today. hahaha. we played like 4 interesting games. LOL. second game wasn't so fun though. the rest are quite enjoyable. lol.
then we went to lau pa sat to eat. hahaha. my sweet and crispy calamari was not so sweet and crispy anymore. so sad. we had an open time of sharing about our lives and our beliefs during dinner. was quite interesting :)
then it's home! hhahaa

-Lord everyday i need You more
on wings of heaven i will soar
with You-

blog surfing is not a good thing to do at night=] especiall at 5am.. but i was blog surfing and i found jane's blog :) hehe. i dunno if jane reads my blog.. but i'm so encouraged to see her serving in Elim fervently :)
i'm also glad that i had the chance to help in one part of her journey with God. thank You God for the chance to see the impact.

pardon me for still being here :) haha. went to jiali's blog and realized that xanga has ceased sending updates to me. that's why i haven't been receiving updates from her blog. LOL. saw this in her blog! decided to do it and that explains why i'm still here. hehe=]
wat you've gotta do is open any music player and put ur songs on random, then press play. LOL. and use the songs as the answers to the qns :) this is purely for entertainment value :) so here goes:

How does the world see me?
Broken - seether (featuring amy lee) - why thanks! :S LOL. hopefully it's more of the line of 'wanted you to know I love the way you laugh'. LOL

Will i have a happy life?
'trading my sorrows' - various artists (like jiali's, mine is instrumental too! but the song has lyrics! )
'I'm pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I'm blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy's gonna be my strength'

What do my friends really think of me?
'another day' - within temptation. it's got nice lyrics to say to a friend :) lol.

Do people secretly lust after me?hurhur.. what a qn.
Summer sunshine - the corrs
'In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else'
LOL.

How can i make myself happy?
Accidentally in love - counting crows
'Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love'
LOL. kidding kidding. i'll be happy if i'm in love everyday? hahaha. but i'm already in love everyday! =D

What should i do with my life?
Join in love - Tomato theme song. LOL. it's a japanese song:) but the title confirms it! i should join in love everyday! love with my dear Saviour is love unending :D

Will i ever have children?
God moving over the face of the waters - Moby. this is an instrumental. so i really have no idea how to connect. LOL.

What is some good advive for me?
ai duo shao zhao zhi dao -du hui ping. it means know early how much you're loved or you love.. either way. yes it's good advice 'cos it saves me from heartache and tells me how much more i should love the people around me :D

How will i be remembered?
beep - pussycat dolls.
beep???

What is my signature dancing song?
ba ai fang kai - FIR. it's my favourite topic of love once more! this one means to let go of love. LOL.

What do i think my current theme song is?
Romance - drama moods. LOL. lovely guitar piece. really. i love it :)

What does everyone think my current theme song is?
bumble bees - aqua. all bubbly and cheery, i suppose? lol.

What song will play at my funeral?
so beautiful - darren hayes.
awww. i hope it's my soul you're referring to. hahahaha :)

What type of men/women do i like?
sympathetic - seether.
'And the words you left me linger on
As I’m failing again now, never to change this'

What is my day going to be like?
'that is why' (by dunno who. found livi's blog when i searched for song title..
-just to feel Your arms around me
just to know Your grace has found me
just to hear Your voice surround me calling my name

that is why i live
that is why i move
that is why my heart cannot go on without You
that is why i see
that is why i cry
that is why no other love but You will satisfy
that is why-

yes. and that is why i live everyday with You :)

There's a theory that everyone has their own natural clocks that will wake them up and cause them to fall asleep. It's supposedly so strong that a person living in a cave will experience the same effects as a person who sees the sun daily. There's also this theory that if you can find out your natural sleeping pattern, you will be able to wake up feeling more refreshed than if you don't. I'm trying to find mine =) hahaa. There're pple who're early larks who'll sleep from 8pm to 4am.. and others who're owls who'll sleep from 4am-12pm... i figure i'm most probably one of the happy owls. maybe not so late. LOL.
the wind tonight smells so deliciously fresh i don't feel like going to sleep. feel like just staying here at the laptop typing out stuff, feeling the wind (yes. wind and not breeze) coming in through my window. such a rare thing to have. most of the time wind just grazes my window and goes back outside. LOL. but tonight has such delicious breaths of wind. wonderful. wonderful breeze and a japanese song (though i seldom listen to japanese songs.. this one sounds quite nice. it's called A touching story by Kiss. lol) is a wonderful combination to have for a girl who's sitting at her laptop at 4.11am typing out stuff and who's just had a bath not long ago (around an hour ago?) heh.
it would be a good time now to snuggle into bed and bury my face into the pillow :) haha. there seems to be a great deal of things to do these 2 weeks, though it seems as though i'm not exactly caught up with anything.. it's just things that comes along in the week. everyday i'll be out. including sunday. oh dear.
it's definitely the time to sleep. night dearies :)

i love movies :) i love music :) i love plays :) i love online games :) i love swimming (if i can drag myself to get into a swimsuit and swim) :) i love films that create silent emotions in you :) i love people :) i love books :) i love to sleep :) i love sushi and unagi :) i love the night :) i love to walk around in the night with cool wind (though i don't get much chances to do that) :) i love Jesus :) i'm growing to love infocounter :) i love my brothers and sisters :) i love my friends from nygep and vj :) i love my cat (even when she's frustrating) :) i love my tuition kids ('cos one's so intense and the other loves movies) :) i'll love you even if i feel hurt by you :) i love fresh air :) i love being able to converse with someone on an equal level :)

i dislike datelines that come one after another :) i dislike waking up without enough sleep :) i dislike people who assume i will not change and will remain the same forever and ever and ever (i change quite often btw. hopefully for the better. lol) :) i dislike not being able to learn new things :) i dislike things that are too structured :) i dislike not being able to express myself properly :) i dislike not being able to help :)

-???????????????
??????????
?????????????????
?????????????????
?????????????
???????????
????????????
????????????????-

-mmhmm, i want to linger here
mmhmm, a little longer here
mmhmm, a little longer here with you-

just finished watching brokeback mountain (thanks to eric who passed me the cd to watch.. haha) and it left a sort of a lingering feeling. it's not very explosive, or bombastic or extremely sad or what nots, but it sure brings out a silent sorrow. and it lingers and it swirls in the midst of your emotions.
i got tuition tmr! haha. so sleepy.
oh yea, i've got interesting brothers and sisters. hahaha.

i wanted to type out a long post to dazzle everyone, but i'm too stoned to do anything such as thinking of the contents to fill up an extremely long post to dazzle everyone. so i guess this might be a short post instead. hopefully it's a short post which can deliver punch and ingenuity and rhythm and rhyme. haha.
i'm stoned. AH.
goodnight.

- tell me all that you've thrown away
find out games you don't want to play
you are the only one that needs to know-

haha.. yesterday for me was a night of scampering with my dear lil self. not very lil. alright. was supposed to have tuition yesterday night, but my dear lil tuition kid (he's primary 6 and he's small sized, so he's little! lol) forgot to do his homework, so we postponed the tuition to today! =]
so, that left me with nothing to do for yesterday! how exciting. i was mezmerized by the lady in 'lady in the water' with her blue eyes and unruly hair and was suddenly captivated by the thought of watching a movie alone. oh btw, i've never watched a movie alone before. LOL.
how exciting. so i scampered off to take a bus to toa payoh and rushed to the movie theatre and bought a ticket for pirates of the caribbean - dead men's chest and oohla, i ended up sitting in one of the not very comfortable seats in the theatre:D haha. lots of people streamed in after me.. it was quite distracting to have people talking and talking and talking when you're trying to watch what's on the screen. i wondered if i did the same thing in the past. lol.
pirates was alright. it was funny and scary at the same time. scary more of what is implied, funny 'cos of all the things that the actors and actresses did. and as usual, johnny depp oozed out his subtle charm and charmed us through the whole movie. hahaa. i stayed till the end, but the ending shot after the credits wasn't particularly very interesting, nor did it add any depth to the plot. oh well.
i love the effects though. brilliant details, brilliant attention to every single thing. it was an eye feast! gourmet for your senses! haha. yumyum. i like some of the ideas brought across as well. LOL. clever conversation interweaved between beautiful cinematography will only cause you to enjoy a movie and feel whole watching it.

-oh night divine
when Christ was born-

i appreciated the movie more only after watching its making though... to know that they really did fight on the big wheel and took the pains to film in the water and to go to the real caribbean oceans to film it, the efforts put in are amazing.

yea. so that's my night of self scamper. lol. it was slightly strange 'cos i couldn't comment on the movie to someone else, nor did i know if i should laugh out loud at some portions, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless. and now i feel like i'm babbling once more. nevermind. most of the time when i feel like i'm babbling, upon a second reread, it's understandable. i shall leave this as this.

i found the lyrics!

Sanctuary

When my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word, night turned into day
Your beauty filled this place
When my world stood in silence
You filled my heart with songs that never end
Forever I will praise

To think that the universe
Could not withhold Your glory
You choose to live in me
I'm so amazed

And I worship You Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart, make it Your sanctuary
For nobody else but Jesus
Only You

Bridge:
You are faithful and true
Glorious Lord
All my life it is You I adore
You've touched my soul
Completed my world,
I surrender to You

who has the song? send to me? can? haha.
it's sunday service day! and i went for sunday service to accompany another sister. but the sister arrived at an interesting time so i took the time to talk to another sister from the nyc group. she was just sharing about how she was deciding between going for cycling with the caregroup (a very rare opportunity 'cos the caregroup is quite big and it's hard to find a time when everyone is free) and going for service (alone). she chose to go for service even though her heart wanted to go for cycling but in the end she was greatly blessed. she told me that EVERY single part of the service (including the prophecies after the worship) spoke to her and she's just so refreshed after the service she rubbed off her spirit on me and made me really excited for the service. haha :)

then me and the sister went up for service :) saw jianliang with mich and jan in front of us.. we sat behind them instead. service was interesting with a really interesting testimony and today's sermon of 'self leadership' was a very practical and applicable one :) hahaa. apparently they sang a praise song in bahasa indonesia today. whoa. so sad we missed it. lol.

then it was lunch. and lunch is good. 'cos u get to eat and food is always good. LOL. yea well. huanyan joined us for lunch 'cos he went for service as well. then after that i didn't wanna go home 'cos i was meeting the nygep pple for dinner, so didn't really know wat to do. ended up playing dota with huanyan against 2 AIs... then alan and zewei appeared in the lan shop. then robert and guofeng appeared in the lan shop. LOL. so we played 3 v 3 instead. guess what? in the end both huanyan and i lagged out. wellus. so it was the adults vs themselves. LOL. adults. wellus.

yea. then i ventured off to tanjong pagar to meet the rest. except that i arrived too early and was bored out of my mind waiting at the mrt station control. yengyong was the first to arrive (amazingly), followed by wanling (whom i haven't seen since secondary school? or some funny meetup? lol). then huanyan came, and fungi. and yileng and isobel. and weezi. oh yea. yingxin appeared somewhere in between. can't remember which one. lol. it's good to see them again. seriously. considering that most of them are halfway around the continent most of the time, it's quite a miracle to have them in a meetup. except that nina flew back to australia already, so it wasn't like complete or something similar to that.

we went to maxwell market! (dunno who suggested it.) yea. i finally got to try the porridge that i wanted to try for so long. hahaha. i dun usually eat porridge. oh well. food was abundant, so stomachs began to bloat. then tracy and nicholas (pronounced as ni-co-las) came over. lala. tracy wacy got herself a greek partner =]

yea. then after taking photos and all that, we went home. i feel quite stoned 'cos i've been sleeping for less than 6 hrs for the past 5 days (?), though yengyong will probably say that she's better 'cos she got a 5 day camp, then holiday to thailand, then another 5 day camp. hurray for her? lol.

today we touched on the topic of relationships. (strangeness). wanling's attached, so is yingxin, so is tracywacy. so is huiqing (HEY! how come i didn't noe about it!) then yileng made an interesting comment. she said 'zai zhe shi jie bu xu yao nan ren!' (or something of that equivalence). then fungi seconded it, huanyan thirded it, weezi forthed it. lol. oh btw, it's decided that yingxin will have 10 bridesmaids =] she'll marry first too. then wanling will marry and have 9 bridesmaids and so on and so forth.

i figure i don't mind being everyone's bridesmaid. lol. not that i don't wanna marry (it's strange to talk about marriage at the age of 20.. =S my niece gave birth! lol), but it's just that it'll be fun to help your friends get married. lol. can't imagine my friends marrying. what a scary thought.

there was a period of time when i actually prayed for the gift of celibacy. haha. 'cos it's troublesome to be bothered about matters of the heart when you want to focus your eyes on somebody for eternal. that's when funny matters of the heart hindered my attention on God. but i guess if i have to pray for the gift of celibacy, it doesn't really work for me. it didn't work in the end. my mind figures it's a logical move to take (pray for something you don't have), but my heart seems to go against it. anyway, after that funny matters of the heart vanished. so it's good. nowadays funny matters of the heart just spur me on to serve God more. oh well.

you know, having a relationship with a person is not a bad thing. 'cos i think most of us are motivated to change if we love someone. and motivated to love out of our normal capacity. when you love, you sacrifice. and it creates self awareness 'cos you kinda know what kinda person you are better, like the person you'll be attracted to, what you're looking more for, your weak points when relating to someone close to you that kinda thing. but a relationship with God is actually more important 'cos He is afterall, God. you know, it's not everyday that you hear about people having a personal relationship with God. so if one day, someone explains it to you, do listen to it. it might be muchmore fulfilling and rewarding than a relationship with someone else. actually i think sometimes a relationship with God helps bring about relationships with other people as well. so that's good. haha.

what a terribly long post. was just playing dota with some of the brothers just now but i continually seem to lag. it's relatively disappointing when you keep lagging and dying. like you've tried, but it doesn't seem to show the results. but it's afterall just a game, and i'm glad other things have more rewarding experiences. lol.

i'm tired. sleepy. and i've not typed this much for a long time. lol. sounds more factual than a blogger post kinda thing. sounds less emotional as well. ah well.

speaking of emotions, i do need to have more self control. so instead of shrieking like a mad woman next time when i play dota,it's time to be composed and play. lol. self control means that you do not let the circumstances overwhelm you. it means that you take the conscious effort to quieten down your emotions.

actually hope to get to know the brothers more even as dota is being played. 'cos i realised recently with a shock that i don't know the nus brothers and sisters deeply. yea. if you're reading this, let's share life together okay? 'cos afterall God put us in a family for support, for agape love, for correcting each other in love. another reason is of course 'cos we'll all be seeing everyone else almost everyday when school reopens. lol.

who reads this blog?

i miss huiqi and shimin. i miss them particularly 'cos they're not under the spiritual covering in Hope anymore and i miss them so. wanted to meet them up to celebrate maurise's and huiqi's birthdays but i never got the chance to. i miss them 'cos just as i feel that if you've once been my shepherd, you'll always be a shepherd to me, it goes the same for my sheep. spiritual partners to pull each other along in this walk with God. it might not be smooth, it might not be easy... but God promises that in this walk, you're never alone.

recently we came back from alpha camp. alpha camp was great though i was still sick for the first day (and having horrible everlasting cramps) and we had to walk around pulau ubin, sometimes running. it was weakening on the body and quite detrimental for someone who just had high fever not long ago. but it was great fun and amusement. i particularly enjoyed the boat trip back to pulau ubin. to stand at the deck (?) of the boat and to enjoy the sea and the air, it was brilliant. then came dinner, and sharing. then came kelong walk (which we thought will take 3hrs++ again, but didn't). we had a time of reflection (and silent pondering over our lives) at 1am in the morning. some questions were passed down to help us in this.
here're the questions:

1) State three things your best friend will say about you. State three things your worst enemy will say about you.

2) What perks you up? What irritates you?

3) Name someone you admire and know. Name someone you admire and don't know. (know as in know personally)

4) Is there a special someone in your heart? Who is the person and why is the person special?

5) What is the career you think you'll enjoy? What is the career you think you'll never consider?

6) What are three of your most deeply held beliefs?

7) Name someone who believes in you. Name someone you actively model yourself after.

8) Name the people whom you want to impract and describe how you want to impact the people.

9) Where do you think you'll go after you die?

10) What inscription do you want to be written on your tombstone?

Seriously speaking, if you have the time, go write it out. it'll make things in your life much clearer. as well as giving you the chance and space to think out issues in your life which you might have tried to hide, maybe a tad unsuccessfully.

i'm sleepy. lol. and my eyelids literally feel heavy now. how thrilling. goodnight :)

Sanctuary (of what bits and pieces of the lyrics i can remember)

When my world was in darkness
You spoke Your word and light turned into day
Forever i will praise (?)

When my world was in silence
You filled ... with songs of joy?
...

To think that the universe could not withhold Your glory
You chose to live in me
I'm so amazed

And i worship You Lord
My life in You restored
Here is my heart
Make me Your sanctuary
For nobody else but Jesus only You

(can't remember the bridge except that the first line goes 'You are faithful and true')

I love this song:) Alongside with 'heart of worship' and 'power of Your love'...as well as Psalm 73.. lol. it's not that i don't love other songs..it's just that these songs have a special meaning for me :) heart of worship literally brought me from somewhere near the brink back to Him. 'power of Your love' answered many months of questioning =] and Psalm 73 is the psalm i turn to when i know i'm getting weak.
today we talked about faith. the faith to be sober about the situation you're in and still trust in God's sovereignty.
today we played DOTA :) hahaa. first time playing with michelle, jan, zhenzhong and jeffrey (alongside with ellson, edwin, eric and kimchun <<-- we have an abundance of brothers with e names.) quite interesting. 'cos never played with the cg pple before=] though erm. well. we lost quite interestingly :S need more self control. haha. cannot keep screaming throughout the game=S
oh btw, there're lots of similarities between DOTA and Christianity.

1) there're many ways to the enemy's base (eg. the scourge's base), but only one way to defeat the enemy (eg. destroy the Frozen Throne xD). There're many ways to Jesus, but only one way to God (through Jesus).

2) you need to keep upgrading your items to keep attacking. You need to keep updating your experiences with God and bible knowledge to keep on having a long walk with God.

3) To recover faster, go back to the source. Similarly, to recover from anything faster (emotionally, physically, spiritually), go back to the source (God).

4) It's good to go around in teams 'cos you have support. (eg. Strength and intel, that kinda thing). It's good to go around in caregroups 'cos you have support. hahaa. anyway, God designed human beings to be in a company of people anyway. that's why he created community, so that we can be interdependent, and thus grow together and help each other grow.

5) There might be creeps on the way, but killing them increase your experience and you can then level up. There might be obstacles in your christian walk with God but overcoming them increase your experience and closeness to God.

6) It's a long drawn epic battle in DOTA. Prepare for long term. It's a long draw spiritual battle in real life. Prepare for long term.

7) You can be godlike in DOTA. You can be godlike in Christianity. (more and more like Jesus each day).

haha. 7. just nice. if you have more, just add in.

by the way, do you all remember xingcong? hehe. he came to know Christ not long ago. now i see him in service. and jitsy. and guan. so fun to see people you know from long ago in service every saturday. haha.

NUS Centre For the Arts, in collaboration with The Royal Netherlands Embassy, presents

COMEDY

by Introdans Ensemble for Youth

Monday & Tuesday, 24 & 25 July 2006
University Cultural Centre - Theatre
7.30pm (90min, with 15min intermission)
Tickets at $20, $25
Performance is not suitable for children below 6 years old

COMEDY shows the diversity and uniqueness of this company that introduces dance to anyone, and is also suitable for children. Interweaving energetic moves, fun costumes and creative set designs, both adults and children will surely enjoy the art of dance combined with a lot of wit and humour.

This performance is especially composed for the Singapore audience. It is a remarkable collection of hilarious ballets by renowned choreographers and is performed by the professional dancers of Introdans Ensemble for Youth. Join this enthusiastic ensemble in their interpretation of dance, ingeniously intertwined with humour and vitality!

The line-up of choreographers makes COMEDY a treat for everyone. The stylish and comical work of Hans van Manen, Mats Ek’s lyrical interpretation of dance, the hilarious costumes and props by Patrick Delcroix and David Parson, as well as the rhythmical and boosting finale by Robert Battle ensure a wonderful and inspiring evening of dance. For more details on Introdans, please visit www.introdans.nl.

For more details on the performance and to book your tickets, simply log on to www.nus.edu.sg/cfa.

Special Discount for NUS Students and Staff

15% off tickets. No minimum purchase required.

So, come book your tickets now!

oh btw, since it's the last soccer match of the world cup, with france and italy still tied, i've got good news for vjcians. LOL
heard from sherli that vj has a female soccer team! and guess what? they got last last year! LOL
and guess what again? they got FIRST this year! with the guy soccer team! double victory XD

i've got the flu. and i feel horrible. LOL.
but it's interesting to have the flu. from yesterday =S. slept at 12.15am (sunday).
there's 8 symptoms of flu, and i've got 7! i have a high fever (which subsided just now at 8pm+, but seems to be coming back), i've got sensation of weakness, muscle aches (other than the ones that was due to badminton), fatigue, running nose, dry hacking cough and major headache that lasted from 12.15am to 12+pm.
i woke up several times in the night 'cos my hands and feet were feeling cold, so i turned down the fan. then i woke up again 'cos it was very hot, so i turned up the fan. lol. then my throat was very dry, i got water. but after that i needed the toilet. and everytime i wake up, i'll be groggy and having the stupid headache. then i woke up at 8 wondering if i should go and teach tuition. then i woke up at 9 and wondered the same thing. then i woke up at 9.30 and decided to call my tuition kid. then i woke up at 12+pm and realised i missed kimchun's convocation. oops.
seriously speaking, i don't feel like moving out of my bed. i try to walk and i'm too groggy to walk fast. shucks. food didn't appeal to me. good time to lose weight. LOL. mother came back and boiled lingliang for me. then i had to eat 2 panadols. the panadols got rid of my headache. yay. i ate a banana. somehow the banana is quite comforting. and definitely more appealing to me than a bowl of char siew noodles.
it was at 12+pm that my mum was saying something about how the mosquitoes are coming back.. think she was afraid i'll get dengue or something. then she say something about u can die if you get dengue. i think u can also die if you're weak physically and has the flu. that was when i realised that the idea of death doesn't seem to scare me. LOL. not at all.
i woke up at 2+pm again thinking about whether the fever will affect my brain. then i was thinking if i'll lose memory 'cos of the fever. then i was thinking if i'll forget that Jesus is my Lord if i lose memory. but i figured that the Holy Spirit will guide me back to the source of my love :)
i think i'm supposed to sleep. lol. but i've just eaten a banana and there's an interesting movie 'fallen' on HBO. so let's see how it goes.

i've been watching movies these days.. a 'habit' inculcated from my literature module last sem. haha. i realize that i have a particular liking for movies which are poignant and more silent rather than action packed or horror films.
it's not that i don't like the action packed or horror films..i adore xmen3 and superman2 and spykids and whatnots..it's just that films that are more poignant and focus more on other aspects of the film rather than the action always cause my heart to tingle and my mind to be wrapped in a marshmellow cover after that.
i've just finished watching 'around the bend'.. it's a story about ashes and 4 generation of guys and this grandfather and what he's done in the past and of reunions and quirky things they do to the ashes. it's nice :) go watch it. though i didn't really understand what went on at the start, i started to dissolve into the movie during their trip to new mexico.
another movie i recently watched is 'matchstick men' 'cos the original vcd was on sale for a mere S$3.90. another great film. i like this better than 'around the bend'. hahaha. i like this 'cos there's this guy with 2 psychological disorders and it allows me to see slightly how the person feels. i like it 'cos there was a beautiful, full of life daughter who appeared out of nowhere. i like it 'cos i feel sad for that guy in the end. i like it 'cos of his open display of emotions and his so sincere actions just for his daughter. if you want to watch it, just tell me. lol.
i'm still looking for forrest gump (however you spell it..) so if anyone has the movie, LEND IT TO ME!

haha. my sister had the brilliant idea of using everyone's ic in the house to get national day tickets. guess what? my dad's ic got chosen to get 2 national day tickets. LOL. if we go, it'll be the second time i'm in the stadium during national day parade. the first being the participation in the parade itself in secondary 1 (mass dance - banner fan girl! cough. now no one probably understands what i'm muttering about xD), the second will be this year as an audience! it'll be interesting i suppose. was never an audience in the stadium during ndp before xD
yesterday was welcome tea :) Welcome Tea was for all the freshmen from all the universities (including nus, ntu, nie, sim and smu). It was a fabulous turnout. haha. more than 120 freshmen who registered through the website and even more people who walked through during the walk in registration! i bet the auditorium has never seen so many university students together at one setting before. LOL.
it was great:) we had ben and carrie (or jerry, if you prefer) for our hosting, with our brilliant music teacher derek as the accompaniement. he's really talented in the area of keyboarding. i was like so amazed at his ability to just churn out tunes and melodies and rhythms on the spot. the freshmen beside me was amazed too =D
i love music. it's like each tune has its own dance, each tune its own masterpiece. its own colours. its own composition. its own space. listening to good songs or tunes is even more satisfying than eating lots of unagi. ah.
i digress.
there were games. LOL. quite intriguing games i suppose xD i like the uno card game. hahaa. though i can never find another person/other people to pair with for my uno card. wellus XD
yea! then joshua came on stage to share abit about what the alpha programme is about:) he shared that we are all lost people. we live in a dark world. and i can't remember the last one. lol. but what he shared was so very true, and i'm glad other freshmen felt the same way as well. it'll be a fun journey ahead. 6 weeks of exploring about God in a fun and interactive manner. CSI next week! haha. huili apparently fainted or died in the multimedia clip.
oooh~ i met a pair of twins yesterday. haha. jinlu and yinlu. they're very hip. hooohooohooo. LOL. and jinlu and i are gonna learn more about the bible together! now i've gotta dig out my chinese bible. dunno where it went to. =S LOL

lol
there was a song which i've been looking around for around 1 yr+ but has never found it. a brother found it! hahha and sent it to me! yay!
thank God for that brother!

my mum keeps asking and asking and asking and asking and asking and asking about my freelance arts teacher job. she doesn't believe that i'll get paid. BAH.
to earn some extra money from july onwards... here's a banner u might be interested in. no idea if it's true though. but it's free. so wellus.

peixin forwarded this poem, written by a doctor for a girl who wants to tell the world to live life to their fullest :)

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

i came back from watching 'man of letters':) it went past my expectations=] haha. i'm not a person who's good with words, seriously, but the play was exceedingly good, comparable to even the famous music of a twist of fate. it's of a different feel though. man of letters has much more changing of sets, much more actors and much more chaos, yet the splendid fusion of music, acting and brilliant dancing is one that will just captivate you for the 2 hrs of play.
i enjoyed myself immensely. i enjoyed myself even more immensely 'cos i didn't have to pay for the tickets. how do i describe? i can't. it leaves you with an awe that causes you to search your heart, knowing that at a certain period of time, you might have felt at least how one of them has felt. when Ming sang, he drew me in so intensely into his song and his intense emotions that i could identify with how he felt. the grandiousity when it's required blows you apart. the set changing delights you and teases your imagination at how a simple set could be changed into so many various settings with just movements of a bridge forward and backwards, with additional backdrops dropping from the sky.
beautiful seamless acting from emma yong and robin goh. george chan, on the other hand, acting as gan seng, had flaws in this acting. but his character is not easy. having to be a person who is not good with words, yet able to speak eloquently on other occasions, it requires you to sew in the character with your own personality and display this new piece of art to the audience at all times. terribly hard, if you ask me.
wonderful dancing. what can i say? they're brilliant. absolutely brilliant.
and the words used! the words used in the letters for roseanne (acted by emma yong),such lyrical and beautiful language. such rawness of emotions displayed on the stage.
some flaws in the hastened changing of scenes at certain parts. and some flaws with the acting of some of the background character, but overall, a magnificent work to behold. i'm so proud of our singaporean actors and actresses.

"A friend loves at all times" (Proverbs 17:17, NIV).

The following description of a friend came from an English magazine: "A true friend is one who has the courage to disagree with us when [we are] in the wrong, and advise us for our own good, rather than let his sympathy or sentimentality cause him to agree."

Charles Spurgeon once said, "Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life. Many might have failed beneath the bitterness of their trial had they not found a friend."

Samuel Johnston said, "We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is that last drop which makes it run over, so in a series of kindnesses, there is at least one that makes the heart run over."

And Dr. Alfred Adler, internationally known psychiatrist, based the following conclusions on a careful analysis of thousands of clients: "The most important task imposed by religion has always been, 'Love thy neighbor….' It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow man who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury on others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring."

Oh the priceless value of having at least one deep abiding friendship. Thank God for the gift of friendship.

yes. it's 3.13am again. hahaa. i am very very tempted to forfeit everything and go to sleep right now. but i wanna write down what i've thought about today. and so here goes =]
went for the briefing for the job of taking people around on trail. (oh shucks. at this moment i remember i haven't given jan the songs for tomorrow. oh brother, don't kill me. lol). yes. back to the briefing. it was briefed by this person called lena. the thing about lena is, we already have a preconceived opinion of her due to yesterday's nonexistent briefing after waiting for 4 hrs and being late for the dear da vinci code seminar which i really wanted to attend=] hahaa. yes. and from hearing other pple's opinions of her as well. needless to say, my opinion of her was bad bad bad. and it grew worse with the description she has of females.
today's briefing didn't change much of my opinion of her. she thinks everyone's interested in relationships (ONLY interested in bgr) and that our world revolves around that. she thinks that females are always trying to entice males by revealing less information about themselves (diao4 wei4 kou3). seriously speaking, i was quite disgusted by her, and i'm seldom disgusted by people. that's bad =] hahaha. but weiling pointed out something quite true.. she made the point to remember our names. seriously, it takes effort and a keenness to remember the names (i can't seem to remember no matter how hard i try=S) and this effort on her part softens the whole outlook of her personality. she can be a person who teaches well, providing that 1) she doesn't place ALL the blame to the admin assistants who are already so overworked and 2)she doesn't have such a disgusting view towards the pple in the world.
and upon typing this out, i hereby rest my judgement about her. 'cos it's seriously not for me to judge. hahahhaa. i better go repent.

you know, it's a terribly disastrous habit to sleep at 3+am in the morning? hahaa. simply 'cos it's such a weird hour and when you wake up the next morning, half the morning would have been gone=) hahaa.
just now dy was saying that he wants to hug my cat O.o reminds me of edwin, who loves cats. wellus. hahaa.
-just trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding-
sometimes i wonder if God knew i was feeling sad at a particular time and decided to send me a cat to keep me company. considering that maomi only likes to come into the house if i'm in the house, that qn has popped into my mind quite a few times. LOL.
but whatever the reason that has brought her here, thanks for the gift of love even this pet has shown.

I quite like pastor ben's entry whereby he ponders over when he became a man. haha. it can be found here if anyone is up for an interesting read. lol. the brothers had their 'band of brothers' seminar yesterday...the whole church's brothers together. what a sight to behold.
the growth into adulthood... is something which is undetermined by just the age or other so called rites of passage. you don't become mature by having a car, by going into army (though i suppose the circumstances do cause the guys to mature in a way, emotionally, psychologically and mentally?), or even in the case of what some people feel - start saying vulgarities and engaging oneself in sexual matters?
maturity in all areas - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically (sadness for people who don't like to exercise xD) and even socially. what a lot to consider:) i believe maturity comes with the humility to learn in all the situations we go through and integrating what we learnt into our lives. jingting agrees with me on that. some people feel that since they're older, they're more mature, or in their words, 'seen more things'. i beg to differ =) but that doesn't mean also that you won't mature as you grow old.. increased exposure to experiences... the choices we make in these circumstnces... well :)
on another note, let's talk about friends.
i love the friends i've had throughout my life. my primary school friends (eg. lynnette, mabel, xavier, alvin), secondary school friends (spending 4 yrs together has forged a friendship deep that though at this point in time, i don't seem to be communicating much with them, be assured that you all have already occupied a permanent position in my heart. be it maintained by memories of the past, or strengthened by memories we continue to build upon... you're my friends, and you know it), my jc friends (the short 2 yrs. and all those birthday celebrations. and some i still see now. like stephanie. whom i think i'm supposed to bug everyday. oops) and my church friends. my church brothers and sisters. seeing each other in our worst times, the times when we were going through rough patches, angry(?) and sad. depressed even. down 'cos of people who've left us. seeing each other in our most elated times as well. the craziest moments. the vision that propels us and our friendship forward. to correct each other in love. the love of Christ is felt so immensely through you all. though we're all so different, and in usual circumstances, i doubt we'll even talk to each other... but the love of christ binds us together. love for christ, love for each other.
and even the friends i've made online. not much. cindy, liwen, jas, deryuan, enzio. thanks for sharing ur lives with me in a way or another. i dunno if you read this though. hmm. LOL.
i'm not going sentimental and all that, just grateful, i suppose. and glad:) really glad. you know, you can only love to the capacity that you have been loved? i've been loved immensely.

i love habbolitez. seriously i do. i started out loving this fansite 'cos of deejaying. deejaying brought out the spontaneity and creativity in me. deejaying brought out the diligence in me. deejaying brought out the love of music in me. the love of arranging music and introducing them, that they may bring pleasure and relief and peace and enjoyment and excitement to the listeners, all at the same time.
and over time, as i get to know the admins personally, as i get to know fudgie and rongfang and some other pple personally, they became my friends. there was a period when it seemed like litez wldn't make it (literally), but we pulled through. even when there were only 2 pple deejaying in one week, we made it. and people who keep changing and maturing. fudgie who matured from her temper. fantasy who showed maturity beyond his age. fire who changed to be less firey. and litez became from a scary place of admins and sticks to more or less a family.
but litez is taking much of my time and efforts. and i do so want to do so much more for God. and i don't wanna give a half hearted commitment to litez either. so i decided to quit litez.
yet, i think my action has caused hurt to some pple and confusion to others. as the editor cum angel cum asst dj head, a sudden departure caused sticks to become angry.
i've quitted. and now i dunno if i've made the right decision.

I had 3 papers in 2 days and 1 paper tomorrow morning at 9am=) or rather later today at 9am. hahaha. and i've faced 2 security guards who have the delusional thought that they have to lock up the classroom. Praise be to God who sustained me in the past 4 days of staying over and intense studying. Praise be to God who gave me sisters and brothers who're understanding enough to bear with my temper when i'm tired out and to brighten my spirits when i'm down. Praise be to God who supplied coffee and coke and food supplies and the USM sisters and brothers who brought down home made stress balls that stuck to walls and gui ling gao and desserts and mamee and twisties and for claramae and shirley and benaiah who constantly came to visit us in the wee hours of the night, bring funny things like kiwis with them. Thank God for them! :) hahaha.
i feel joyful 'cos i just finished talking to michelle about some stuff and we prayed with eugene. when two or three come in His name, He is there with them. and indeed. joy in the face of unfinished studying and lack of sleep for so many days. it's like a natural stimulant - the joy of God which lifts you up. Better than any coffee or coke. hahaha. speaking of coke, do you know the coca cola company is responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of coke, sprite, qoo, heaven and earth teas and lots of goodness knows what. hahaha. diversification. faint.

- how far is heaven -

sleep still lurks at the corner, threatening to overtake me as i study for the physical geography segment of the paper. i just pray to God that i'll be able to remember them. hahaha.

is it possible to score the best grade for one subject in one sem and score the worst in another sem? i seem to be doing so for the subject of lit. what's hurting is that i've tried the hardest and has seemingly done the analysis of it the same way as i've always done before, yet it doesn't seem to be working.
wellus.

how interesting that my dear faithful laptop which has never died on me before (even after i've dropped it for two times) has to die on me yesterday night when i'm studying for abnormal psy. it's as if God had enough of me being distracted by the things around that He's decided to cause my laptop to happily die so as to prevent me from being further distracted and really concentrate on studying quickly and effectively in preparation for my 2 exams this friday. It was frustrating at first, all the efforts at trying to go into the system just didn't work. it hangs and hangs happily at that. the cursor moves but nothing else does. i don't even get to see my interactive desktop. sadness.
but having a change of mindset certainly caused me to focus on my tb better. and it was with a startling realisation that i found out i have 2 more chapters to study instead of just one, which i originally thought. and it was with great enjoyment that i could read the chapter once through (personality disorders was what i was reading through) and could answer the chapter test at the back and had only one mistake=] hahaha. considering that it was the only abnormal psy lecture which i skipped, i find it a great surprise to be able to do such a thing. sadly, after i slept, i could no longer replicate such a thing. confirms the fact that i study better at night. lol.
and so currently i'm at home on my pc, which i haven't turned on for around 5 months. it's a good thing i suppose, allowing me to update my pc's anti virus system, as well as making sure that i won't habbo and actually study at the same time, which can be quite detrimental for my concentration span. Thank God for jit's ipod shuffle which supplied me with the moderate arousal from the environment i needed for optimum productivity (according to my dear adorable abnormal psy textbook which states that one of the hypothesis for antisocial personality disorder could be due to the underarousal theory of some sort. lol)

As i mentioned in my msn nick, when i muttered to myself that i need some background noise to be able to study, i really didn't expect God to cause a thunderstorm to happen at the next instant. haha.
And it was good. 'cos the thunderstorm drowned out every other voice that was around and allowed me to concentrate. the coolness of the air perked my senses and caused me to be much more alert than ever. not that this alertness lasted long, but well, it was effective for a short period of time nonetheless.
i haven't been updating for a while. have been busy and caught up with the upcoming exams and with litez stuff around. speaking of litez stuff... i went to watch manderlay with liwen, cindy and deryuan. brilliant movie. considering that i spent one whole week analysing 'manderlay's prequel (both movies belong to a trilogy) --- dogville, i have no choice but to learn to appreciate this movie. and indeed, i really enjoyed myself immensely. the film was supposed to last for 2 hrs+, but i felt as if it was only 50 mins or so. too short for me. the director should increase the timing of the film.
some parts i didn't particularly like were the sexual scenes featured in the show. somehow, i dun understand why they're there or how they contribute to the overall feel of the film. i can understand what the director is trying to bring across but he could have done it in a more subtle way. hurhur. the changing of the actress for the character Grace brought across a facade of Grace in which i was unable to detect in the first movie. i felt that using the same misc-en-scene was not particularly wise in this case due to the fact that a planatation is simply much larger than a town and you can't really express the presence of that plantation with just chalk lines. though to tell the truth, i still love how everything is so transparent 'cos of the absence of real walls and that kinda staff. could be due to the fact that i have a strong appreciation for theatrical works...and a movie made likes this just encompassed both things i like - theatre and movies.
yea=] can't wait to watch wasington. to have to wait for a yr for that movie is quite agonizing.
hehe.
exams are coming up. i dunno if i'm supposed to feel stressed. though the lack of time is really getting to me. pray that i will soar like the eagle who rides on the wind to achieve height. a cooperation with the holy spirit, and not by my own efforts=)