And so, I was evaluating what caused me to miss my Secondary school friends.. and why I feel that I'm in a state where I seem to living only 20-30% of the life that I'm intended to live. And I realized the following things about myself:

1) I miss the vibrancy and energy of my secondary school friends. My 2 best friends are both very upbeat people (probably both sanguines) and rather bubbly/emotional (as in they emote well. hahaa. and they willingly share. and share their thoughts as well).

2) I'm used to being surrounded by quirky and motivated people. hahaa. i think my entire class was rather quirky! and each one has something that one is passionate about (be it the right or wrong things). hahaa. each has a distinct and strong personality i guess. not necessarily very healthy self esteems, or whatsoever, but definitely distinctly different. like you can use one word to summarize that person. they shine in different ways. and i think i'm that kind of person as well. you can say that we're pretty shaped by the education system to want to push things forward. haha. we can be quite lawless too.

3) i miss the intellectual stimulation. I was wondering why recently I keep feeling that there's a need not met, specifically that I feel I've not been learning - and this has caused great mental boredom. hahaa. my mind doesn't feel challenged. and it has grown lazy. so I guess it's great that script writing is rousing my slumbering mind once again. but not just that. my learning comes mainly from modelling and experiencing things, so there's been a great lack in there i guess. God~!

4) I haven't really felt challenged these days. like there hasn't been something that requires me to really push myself, or go beyond my own abilities. I've not had to sacrifice much, nor had to be humbled much. I miss living on the edge for God, or just plain living on the edge. perhaps the best analogy would be that i've been cocooned (in that I've been growing, but it's a very safe way of growing). I'm in the cocoon waiting for the time when I can break out and break through. and woohooo! rise above the leaves and bask in the warmth of the sun.

5) God has created me such that when I have an over-arching goal, I can work towards it. I've had a lack of such a goal recently. I was trying to write out a bucket list, and I realized that actually I don't have much that I really want to do. hahahaa. I can safely say that if I die tomorrow, I won't have much regrets, other that the fact that my loved ones may not know Christ yet. I am currently in the state of dispensibility (it's a good thing! though it also reduces my motivation for being excited about being on this earth). I guess God created me to want to push through with things? I guess some things that are still in stagnancy (and has to be pushed through) are simply too repeititive for me. Perhaps my over-arching goal should be that I have a breakthrough in the mundane. haha.

anyway, my desire to travel around has been greatly decreased. And I've forgotten to have lunch yet once again D: