It's the last day of 2008!:) and I'm 5 entries (including this one) away from my goal.
Just realized that okto has quite good shows:D haha. e.g. It's like a better version of arts central, with better quality shows. they even have good anime! haha. e.g. (toradora) and apparently, skipbeat is on the same week broadcast as Japan (which doesn't happen with subs. though i don't watch skipbeat).
and they have casshern SINS, which is quite surprising 'cos i thought it's quite violent (didn't watch it 'cos the reviews kinda hinted at its violence). they're also showing code geass (the first season though). i think watching toradora on the tv screen will be fun. haha.

I think that God has sent some of the world's most wonderful people into my life :)

I wrote this at long john's today. heh.
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Alone I was. In a place full of people I did not know.
Alone with a purpose. I know what i am here for.
I know what I am buying. I know what I am thinking of while sending out the smses. I looked over, and saw a table more befitting of what I intend to do, the duration which I intend to stay for.
So I packed up my stuff, my mind filled with the task of picking up my stuff. The cards, the card, the pen, the cup.
The heat caused me to wonder, the pain forced me to look for the source.
I lifted the cup higher. and the pain spread. And the soup spreads. And covered my phone. And my hand.
Serviettes.
I need more serviettes.
I looked at the spread of soup on the table and thought of Ecclesiastes 3. When one falls and no one is around to help him. What a pity.
And with the soup on my fingers, I went to the counter and asked for serviettes. Got them, and wondered if it's enough.
And I walked to Suzy and asked her to help me wipe my table.
Who's Suzy? A female cleaner.
She helped me wipe, and told me "hen3 tang4". I think so too.
And asked me if I wanted to go to the toilet and wash my hands.
I told her it was okay, already feeling grateful that she's cleaning up my table, and was just entertaining the thoughts of staying where I was, or leaving.
Cleaned up my phone, thanking God that it's waterproof.
And then she came with a new cup of soup.
And then she got me a new spoon.
And helped me bring the soup over when I told her of my original intent.
And so I settled at my new table. The deeds of a friendly stranger unable to leave my mind.
And did the next best thing I knew, besides thanking her.
And thus formed the existence of an account of how a stranger at Long John's helped me.
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Reading the book 'Becoming who God intended'. Have been reading it for some time, but had not had the discipline and time to finish reading it. Quite proud today to reach the halfway point of the book. Was analyzing a weird portrayal of certain verses in the book near the front, but agreed quite a bit with what was written near to the central :) Hope to finish this book soon. Afterall, it's one of the things I hope to do before 2008 ends. lol.
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the author, lost for words, look at her pen in mild despair. the craft of her hands fail her. the words which sought to be written and spoken are not found in human language, but in the intangible recesses of the soul. a desire, an ernestness, a yearning. a burden which ceased not through the produced prose, but deepens and weighs with each word spoken. utterances which come out empty. a search for words which do not exist.
it swirls in her thoughts and manifests in her actions. but words, which continue to fail her, continue to elude her. bounded by social rules, locked by distance.

I miss my msn.
Was looking through the new anime motivational posters thread (the old one, which reached 1700++ pages, was deleted due to the continual spamming of non-pg13 pictures) on crunchyroll and came across some interesting ones. haha. Sharing a few here :)
The ones that I like:
The following, without kagami, is my wallpaper. haha.





The normal ones:







The ones that are just plain wrong:






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Was at popular buying assessment books just now (in preparation for tuition once again).. and after the purchase, i realized that they've charged me wrongly for the items i've bought. entertained the thought of just walking away 'cos a) the shop was closing, the gates were already half down, the paying queue is horrendously long b) paying an additional amount for the items when i'm half broke is not very enticing, but the consciences felt uneasy upon having that thought, so decided to be honest. haha. in the end, the procedure was still relatively troublesome, but at least my conscience was clear. hehe.
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was feeling thirsty and got reminded of something ruisi shared before. that when the body feels thirsty, it means that the body has had a lack of water for some time. the symptoms do not show at the instance of lack, but a while later, when the situation gets very serious. so when you feel thirsty, you're actually in quite a disadvantageous position with regards to the amount of water in your body.
similarly, as a comparison to our spiritual life, when we feel spiritually dry, it's not at the instance of lack, but rather, it's an accumulation of the lack that has been going on for some time. so when you feel spiritually dry, beware. for you're already in a very disadvantageous position with regards to the amount of work the Holy Spirit can do in you.
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my 2000th entry.

Just finished watching a japanese film - Love and honour on okto. It was about this lower-classed samurai who was working as a food-taster (to ensure that the food given to the samurai Lord is not poisoned) and had the misfortune to eat something which was poisonous when taken out of season. He grew blind after that. The movie continues to illustrate what happened to them subsequently. I felt that the acting was very well done, 'cos the setting of the movie was in the era of the samurai, where harakiri and honour is very much spoken about. that people will kill their wives, or themselves, should they feel that their honour is being stained. it was interesting to see how the actors and actresses managed to portray their emotions even when the emotions of that period of time is much more subdued.

This is my 1999th blog post :) hehee. been pacing out so that I can type my 2000th post on 25th December, and my 2009th post on the first day of 2009:)
but i've placed this formerly as a draft and have officially missed the 25th december deadline:\ it's not 27th december, an important date for an important person :)
it's crystal's 21st birthday today!:) happy birthday crystal!:) heh. she's a very dear sister for me, 'cos she's my faithful support and team member in counter. thank God for this sister:) she's someone with a very sweet spirit and a very dedicated heart to the people around her. really blessed by her support and her presence in the counter:)
Couldn't attend her birthday party today 'cos of worship prac :S hope she's had a good time. hehe.
glad to finally be able to serve with guanrui for backup singing (since we went in at the same time. hahaha). i think we've not served together before (unless my memory fails me. not including the time we've observed the worship prac. lol. i've not served with huili before either (i think). hahaha. think these are the two people whom i've not served with before in backup singing. lol. need to learn how to harmonize! need to learn more about the theory of music. need to grow in this area!:)
oh, but really thank God:) can see how my singing has improved since i've joined this ministry. at least now i can harmonize some parts! hahaha. and i can differentiate between a normal note and a slightly flat note (though i can't always do that, especially when i'm the one singing. can't tell the diff between a normal note and a sharp one though:)
haha. i've only realized today how nice don moen's voice is. but he doesn't have the nicest voice (in my opinion=D) sometimes i like to just listen to people talk, 'cos it's nice to listen to the texture of the voice, the different intonation and speed, the different qualities of the sounds being produced.
i still find it amazing how i'm in backup singing. hahaha. it's a ministry i've always wanted to go into since i was in youth (2004), but never thought that i'll be able to go in due to various funny reasons:D being able to serve God in an area i enjoy is such an enjoyable thing. hahaa. but have to constantly remind myself (as what wanqi shared) to love God more than my craft :) with counter ministry, it's not hard. LOL. 'cos every time i serve, it's really for God ('cos i dun have a natural passion to dabble with finance), but with backup singing, 'cos i love singing, need to always check if i'm singing 'cos i enjoy it, or singing for God :) so harmonizing kinda keeps me in check. 'cos it's something which i'm kinda scared to do, but i wanna grow in, 'cos i know it'll add on to the ministry and in the experience of worship :) ah. but so much to grow in. so frustrating sometimes:S
i believe in worshipping God with songs. i believe in it 'cos it always reminds me of the gentleness of God. the shelter and refuge that comes when we worship God with songs. when you describe the gentleness of God with poems, with words, with a verse, with prose, songs make it so much more real. when you declare and proclaim of God's wonder, of His power, His victory, songs make it so much more certain and majestic. each song paints in unseen colours, the characteristic of God:)
that being said, i love expositions of the word as well. hahaha. especially when a lot of background is given and the verse is deeply expounded upon. it tickles another side of me. hahaha.

lol. i left my art stuff in the oven unsupervised (usually i take it out after 3 mins or so, after it's formed its shape) and it melted. lol. the whole entire paper turned brown and surprisingly, the kind of effect i was trying to achieve with varnish (which didn't turn out right) was found in overcooking my art stuff. the bad thing is, it's stuck to the brown paper. hahaha. so amusing.

eliminating the ant nest has effect eliminated the ant problem in my room=D no ants came near chi's food for the rest of the day. haha.
yay:)
went to get colour pencils today for what i was doing, as well as to get varnish. the aunty downstairs sold me brown-ed varnish O.o got watercolour colour pencils, so the instructions given contained interesting information. something which i found particularly amusing was the line of 'do not put colour pencil in water. the lead will melt.' hahaa. well, it was (and still is) funny to me. but i've got to say staedtler's colour leads are really quite good. i've had bad colour pencils before, so the difference was quite obvious to me:)
uni and poly starting on different timeslots tmr:) it's another keypoint in history!(in the history of the uni group anyway. hahaa)
quite fast ah? to think that we've only started out tertiary service in 2005. haha.
but quite exciting. and a bit scary. everything's changing so quickly.
have been watching this anime called 'Gallery Fake'. it's about this guy who's very good at identifying art pieces and have vast knowledge on the background (be it the proper kind or the shady kind) of the art pieces. reminded me of a project i did before:) i quite like the impressionists' works. haha. maybe i should buy an artboard and try it one day.
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should it ever be taken away
my soul shall seek to cease
for what shall await me each day
without His love and peace
all that's beautiful and pure
to dread shall all give way
if the world with its desires and lure
should keep my heart at bay
but cleanse my heart each renewed day
drench it, soak it clean
in His blood and the Holy Spirit
and faith in things unseen.
though comrades may once disappoint
pride may grow its roots
may my soul bought by Jesus Christ
be forever unwavering.
------------------------------
i am defiantly going against my rational mind and body's desire to sleep :|
time to submit. lol

First it was my laptop.
Now it's my calligraphy case which was placed on top of my cupboard.
stupid ants!
ahhh.
i found an ant nest in my calligraphy box set. blah.
took out the stuff inside and threw away the whole box.
lol.

my mum asked me in chinese: 'are you going to use the comp till it's daylight?'
lol. my dad's awake. haha.
i know it's not sustainable, but nighttime is always so much more productive for me.
it's like in the day, you need to make sure u get the stuff u need to get ('cos the shops dun open at night) and meet the people u wish to meet ('cos people don't go out at night for no reason and 'cos transportation is super ex at night). haha.
but at night, you can take your time, do the things u've always wanted to do. plan out stuff, do some arts and craft, be amused by chi.
i like the morning too, though i'm usually asleep then. haha
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today is a tiring day.
went to daiso to get more storage bags for my books and to look for something which i need (couldn't find it there in the end). then went to spotlight to look for the same thing. haha. afterwhich, i took a bus down to bras basah. thank God that the store was still open! hahaa. actually, i think they showed the Closed sign, but i rushed in without realizing it. haha. oh well.
then was going over to This Fashion 'cos they were having 20-60% (doesn't seem to have 60% discount for anything at all. everything's at 20% - if you're a non-member, and 30%-if you're a member. hmm) discount. oh yes, was going over there when upon crossing the road, i saw jalea, regina and joe! (they saw me too! lol) and upon crossing the road once more, yizhong appeared behind us. lol.
i'm sleepy. so imma stop typing.
poor chi seems to be sick again :S

Thought I'll just type this out before I forget :)
hahaha.
Recently Chi has been doing two things - having a fever and diarrhoea everyday (which one will realize is not a good thing to have, if you've ever had both together before:) As google is one of my best friends, I've decided to consult it to find out if
a) i need to bring her to the vet
b) it's a serious condition
It turns out that
a) I do need to bring her to the vet
b) it is a very serious condition (seems like having diarrhoea more than two days is dire for the cat O.o
Of course, considering that
a) i have no money to bring her to the vet.
b) Even if it's a serious condition, the no money part still stands,
all I could do was to give her lots of hugs, pats, strokes, quality food, clean water (which she doesn't drink) and observe her poo and her actions a little more.
It turns out that after a few days from the onset of diarrhoea and fever, she was
a) still having fever, though it comes and goes.
b) still having diarrhoea (which stinks:S)
So yesterday, I prayed for her. prayed for God to heal her.
and today,
a) she still has slight fever, but it doesn't seem to affect her activity level
b) she's got no more diarrhoea! (though she still has soft stools)
yay. thank God :)
and fearing that she may be consuming her own hair when she cleans herself ('cos she's now of age to shed fur:S) and after delaying for some time, i've finally gotten a pet brush from daiso (my faithful source of pet items. lol)
chi likes it:D hahaha. so funny. now i've got a double sided brush with cat hair :S
but i'm glad she's fine :)
was quite funny today when she jumped onto the table and went to look at the printer. she kinda accidentally stepped on the reload paper button and the printer which started to whirl, scared her. lol.
after the printer stopped whirling, chi used her paw to hit the printer and hissed at it. hahahahaa. super funny.
her new enemy=D

trauma.fear.momentoffocus.forgiveness.healing.stages.
wounded.pryedopen.reminded.fear.makingsense.
love.acceptance.makingsense.integration

Wanna thank God for the three people who just joined poly side counter:)
I think as a ministry leader, I'm not the most faithful..
but God still is.
He's never failed to send in people to counter when they're needed. people who have a genuine desire to serve, people who have a genuine desire to learn. haha.
i was pretty amused by the people God's sent in today. haha. alright with the first, but quite amused at the second. you know sometimes as a leader, your ministry attracts a similar type of person as you as the shape and feel of the ministry is affected by who's in it.. so in a sense, when i saw the brother, i was like 'wow. shy and quiet. first time. hahaa'
guess the ministry's evolving even at this moment :)
talked to Gary about things yesterday before he went off.. talked to celestine not too long ago. Thank God for the two of them:) the counter's going to be in their hands soon.
feeling a certain sort of reluctance. a certain form of nostalgia, a tinge of relief.
i have lots of thoughts, they're kinda entangled. and kinda melting into one another. can't tease them out as of yet. will type more when i do :)

Just finished Liar Game. haha. not a bad show.. though it got kind of predictable in the middle, and really quite predictable at the end :S like the characters stop growing and developing in the middle of the show.
lol.
but quite interesting:) though they didn't really explain everything at the end to us O.o and as the audience, you can guess some of the tricks that've been used before they're used. lol.
i miss trick. and galileo. haha. Liar Game was cool, but it wasn't funny. i preferred trick 'cos it's quite funny. hahaa.
Was walking around cuppage area to scout out eating places when i realized that the years in Hope, cuppage area is still relatively new to me. lol. for example, i know nuts about what restaurants were at cuppage terrace (until today) and i never realized that there're so many japanese pubs and restaurants at cuppage till today O.o a bit suaku and slow. lol.
it's hard to believe that exams just ended last week. hahaha. it feels as if super a lot of time has passed since exams have ended:S think i've played and slacked enough. time to move on to more serious matters:) hehehe.
liang jing ru's yong qi is stuck on my mind after ktv-ing with my sw project groupmates yesterday:) speaking of which, i don't think i've ever called so many different places to ask about reservations and prices before :S breakthrough in calling places. ah.

Sleepy. haha.
It takes longer for me to reach home taking buses than potong pasir than to walk.
Was at ruixia's house practicing for the carolling at suntec (come find us at suntec by the big christmas tree on the 21, 23 and 24th:). We're the only group performing at suntec, so kinda excited. haha. can join me for service on the 24th as well :) Hope Christmas service is going to be at suntec as well :)
have been doing planning and organizing these few days (for outings and what nots). My laptop's officially down 'cos the operating system can't be found after i knocked it a few times against the newspapers to get rid of ants found in my laptop (there were lots of ants in my laptop!:S). Still thinking of whether I should get tim to help me fix (he said he might be able to, considering that i can still go into the bios setup) or if i should just try to persuade my mum to lend me money to buy a new laptop. will miss all the photos, all the mp3s, all the wallpapers, all the data i've collected and stored in my laptop over the years though :S but i guess i can let it go as well ba.
so daytime's more of organizing, doing whatever things you can do in the day, watching jdrama (oh! i've finished watching puzzle:D it's a jdrama about this two-faced teacher and her three students, and how her motivation by money leads her to solve mysteries and crimes. it's quite funny. kinda like trick, but less supernatural.) watching himitsu no hanazono now. it's a show about a group of 4 manga drawers and their editor. it's pretty interesting :) i think the characters are very well done. yup. still watching :) haha.
night time's more of organizing, tying down things, planning for the next day, thinking through, reflecting, resting, cleaning up the room (yes. i seem to have the desire to clean up my room when i'm not chui-ed to clean up my room). lol.

boredom must have quite good stamina.
'cos it's catching up with me:S

ah.
the days after exams are more tiring during the exam days themselves =S

Studying for History and Systems of Psychology is a little like knowing the characters of the past.. you not only get to know which areas they've made an impact in, you learn about their background, their likes and dislikes, their works, their pet peeves, what kind of a person they are, and eventually who they marry. lol.
an excellent example of how elaboration aids in memory :)

for all people who like to play multiplayer games=D
here's a multiplayer game website: Silent Storm. yup.
do try it out and give comments :) one of my friend's bf's website. yup.
thanks!:)
oh yes. try shadow of legend. not divine tears.
and give comments. give comments. give comments. give comments=)

i've found a new anime =D
it's called kuroshitsuji and falls into the genre of gothic horror (which i quite like and enjoy :P)
i wanted to talk about something, but i forgot.
.
oh yes.
forgiveness.
i learned something new today :)
about how forgiveness is a gift.
i think it's so true how often we (and i) choose not to forgive 'cos we'll be like 'he/she don't deserve it'... or we'll say things along the lines of 'i've already done so much!' or 'how come it always has to be me who forgives?'
forgiveness is a gift. the person doesn't deserve it, but we give it. it's a gift.
just as how God has forgiven us and gives us this gift every moment every day, He expects us to give it to the people around us (who have hurt us in some way or another as well).
it's a gift:)
when i heard it, i was like 'wowwww'

Sleepy.
haha.
Woke up at 3.20am 'cos it was very warm, and there was a mosquito flying around my ear (realized afterwards that I got bitten 4 times).
Then tried to sleep till around 4am, when i buay tahan and decided to wake up instead.
Now i'm feeling sleepy :S
Was thinking about how ironic sometimes it is that we may say that we're willing to die for certain people, and yet in our daily actions, we don't actually do much for that person, or am not willing to sacrifice and all. shouldn't death have been the ultimate sacrifice to make, and all other things to have paled in comparison. so if we say that we're willing to die for someone, should it not be that we'll be more willing to do the other things? considering that they all pale in comparison to death.
considering that the sacrifice of death (if used at all) can only be used once, and sacrifices of times, effort and finance can be used again and again, how come it's so hard for us to still do it?
heh.
anyway, medical in social work exam coming soon :) haha. thank God for guan who taught me quite a lot while talking just now about the module. yay. quite glad.

yay. thank God. i feel much better.
took medicine for both fever and asthma, i can breathe normally now. that lifted my spirits quite a bit.
now i can go and study.
i pray that i can have quality studying!

i hate falling sick. i'm okay with fevers, but especially hate colds, sore throats and coughs.. 'cos they usually lead to an asthmatic episode (it's not a matter of severity).
i've always thought that it's normal for everyone to not be able to breathe properly/feel breathless/have difficulty in breathing when they're having coughs, turns out it's not. until i realized that it's not.
today was a horrible day. it's a combination of sore throat (which has mostly dissipated), cold (which permanently require clearing), cough (which is usually used to clear phlegm), breathlessness (i couldn't breathe properly even after i took medicine) and a fever that comes and goes, comes and goes (burning eyes, warm head, cold feet and fear of water.)
it's not pleasant to not be able to breathe properly through your nose, and also having to breathe through mouth laboriously. i spent most of the day sleeping (on my bed, in my parents' bed, on my sofa..) and haven't really started on studying.
was contemplating filling up the form for special consideration 'cos i've got papers tmr evening and friday morning, but didn't know if my symptoms were serious enough.
i dun feel like studying :(

can't study 'cos not feeling well.
my body is telling me to go rest go rest, while my brain is telling me to go study go study.
thank God my first three exams are open books.

Was reading the readings on child abuse a few days back. Now it's battered women's syndrome. Not as if I'm new to it (learned about it in trauma psych before), but hearing testimonies about it is quite disheartening.
anyway, to cut things short, it's never okay for repeated hittings to happen. it's never okay for the husband to hit the wife. it's not okay for the wife to take the beatings. and it's not the wife's fault when the husband hits the wife.
there's a testimony of this woman who lost her kidneys 'cos her date (not even her husband!) threw her onto the stove in a fit of anger and stomped on her before that. and women usually break their arms in trying to defend themselves from the blows, or break the bones in their ribcage because they were kicked and stepped on.

I realized something interesting today (interesting to me anyway).
my L1 is supposed to be chinese.. so by right it should be easier for me to access chinese in my lexicon than english...
but! today when someone asked about how to go to the lorong 7 market in chinese, i realized that the first words that come to mind are in english, and i needed to make a conscious effort to translate to chinese before telling the person.
oh dear.

reading zhixin's blog makes me miss japanese. haha.
so far, i can quite understand anime even if they don't have subtitles (the rough gist of it), but i still can't read well (my kanji sucks XD) hahaha.
日本語が好きですから、時間がありません。そして、お金がありません。でも、アニメから自分日本語は勉強します。
oh no. my grammar is all wrong. hahaha.

the stimuli used for the plunkett paper is killing me. i went through the introduction and lit review pretty fast, but the stimuli required quite a bit of analysis and thinking O.o why do people make it so complicated and try to explain after that? makes me so confused. lol. hahaha.

Recently, Aya Hirano has been very famous in the scenes of seiyu because of her voice-overs in haruhi suzumiya and lucky star (both of which, though looking like it should be for girls, actually are found in manga targetted at guys O.o) it's quite funny. hahaa. i've enjoyed both anime so far.. on most part because of its randomness.
watching hyakko next! i've kinda abandoned d grayman (after hooking people on it) for now and am not watching 2nd season of vampire knight for now('cos first season was not very captivating). have abandoned naruto (though i'd want to catch it again in the far future) and bleach (got bored of their bankais) and other anime ('cos i lost my whole list of anime-i'm-watching).
so currently am catching toradora (which yizhong thought was hentai... ... ... it's pg. and very clean. no fan service, no ecchi stuff, no violence), jigoku shoujo mitsuganae, watashitachi no kyokasho (jdrama about this lawyer finding out the truth about bullying in the school setting) and shugo chara (need something lighthearted. haha). was contemplating kurozuka, but found that it was too violent for my liking (even worse than claymore).
so i've cut down from catching 20+ anime series to 4. hahahhahaha.

oh my gosh. i am super exhausted.
been feeling exhausted since 10++pm.
was telling the e1a pple how i was taking a nap, and consciously i knew it was nearing 4 pm (had something then) and i wanted to wake up, but couldn't.

i was quite encouraged during service today :) encouraged and touched 'cos what pastor brendon was talking about really resonated with what i know and what i believe in. i'm not so much a physics person, but the biological part really resonated with my interest. haha. have learned some of the stuff he talked about before, but seeing it being put into diagrams and videos made it so much clearer. in addition, having it accompanied by other facts put a lot of things into perspective :)
i didn't get the chance to hear much 'cos was outside settling youth camp registrations.. but thank God that i still managed to catch a bit :) hehe.
was also touched 'cos i saw a brother who was not in service for some time, in service today. caught him through the recep tv :) haha. was just reading his blog earlier before service and was quite burdened 'cos he sounded very jaded and i guess i can understand his jaded-ness. i guess in a sense, i'm not close to him, but we've served in the same ministry before, and it saddens me to see what he wrote. of course, the fact that he came from the same ministry as two other pple i know (and know well) who've backslided from hope doesn't help.
but glad that he was here :) and i guess ultimately human beings (like me) can disappoint, but God's Words remain, God's truth remains, God's sacrifice remains.
our imperfections do not blemish His holiness. it just shows that we still have a long way to go.

Some 30 year old guy (note my earlier post on my opinions on authority or older people) called me a presto intellect on crunchyroll.com on my opinions on fansubbing and what-nots. they're having a heated argument about the legality of fansubs (of animes and what-nots). i have no idea what he's trying to achieve, and frankly speaking, to call someone a presto intellect (he did this to others too) is a form of flaming, isn't it?
i feel insulted. blah.
at any rate, i don't see what's the use of that argument on the crunchyroll boards when
1) it's on an anime hosting website. and i doubt arguing on the board will reduce people's desire or demand for subbed anime. especially if the person is flaming others and trying to assert his own opinion for the sake of asserting, with others not caring/knowing him because he's too (uh-hem) 'intellectual'/snobbish.
2) it is true that subbed media increase the popularity of the drama/anime and thus is kinda like advertising for the media in general. as i was saying, most of the time, they don't earn a lot through the official vcds anyway (unless you're a regular buyer, then in that case, if you like the anime or drama series, one would go buy it.. kinda like how music sampling goes about now?), but more so through the accompanying merchandise (movies have this source of revenue as well) --> correct me if i'm wrong.
3) all raws come from japan sites. shouldn't they stop things at the root instead of complaining about subs? if there're no raws, there won't be subbed anime:P
blah.
and yes, i'm still annoyed at being called a presto intellect. lol
it's time to study for exams :)
last exam of my nus life. every moment is memorable at this moment. lol.
probably feels the same for others, but things (from doing assignments to taking exams) have kinda changed for me 'cos it's my last exam and somehow or another, the grades ain't important anymore.
i was saying how the external motivation is being taken away 'cos i've applied for my job and there is a high chance (i think) that i may get the job.. so the grades ain't that important. ah well :)
but i still enjoy exam periods. i've always enjoyed exam periods ('cos of the freedom in planning out your own time and the close fellowship. the monotony of tasks too. hahaha). also 'cos exam periods are the free-est times of the year!:)

Watching 'watashitachi no kyokasho (our textbook)'. episode 1 is quite depressing :\ talks abt bullying and all in school. quite sad. ah.

I'm officially stuck.
Been stuck at the cognitive section for some time. Diverted the attentional resources to finish up the job application form for being a counsellor, sent another email regarding the position of a part-time research assistant, and I'm still stuck.
ah well.

Today's history and systems test was hard O.o
oh well :) the mcq part was okay. the connecting names to systems and names to names (who influenced who -- as if i care O.o) was not easy. lol.
felt groggy for the rest of the day. was better after napping, but relatively distracted. haha.
took a few hours to settle down, so by 7, i was ready to do work. quite alert and rested.
and the lights of hq didn't come on O.o
i was sitting there waiting for the lights to come on when i got impatient and wondered why no one was doing anything. so i decided to do something (since everyone else is not doing anything. blah) on the way back from the security post (the security was out patrolling :P), i saw a girl calling the oed people. thank God for her. the lights came on after that. and i saw some people smiling/exclaiming in relief.
but seriously ah. i felt annoyed 'cos everyone was just waiting. i bet it was uncomfortable trying to read in the dark (saw this couple trying to read using the comp light. for goodness sake, shouldn't they have just gone to report it/call oed about it so that they can get the lights on? gee.)
there's a threshold to my patience (lol. biological terms.)
i wonder if the confrontational and intellectual side of me will render me ineffective as an empathetic counsellor?

hahaha. i don't know why everyone's so interested in whether machines have consciousness.
seriously speaking, it doesn't bother me or capture my attention. molymeux's question was more enticing to me.
was googling to see if any kind soul has posted any questions on the pl4202 quiz online and found a few 'reviews' on the module.
Review #1:
I refer to this as my pseudo-philosophy class, since for the first half of the semester we were mired in terms such as dualism, consciousness, and other vague terms that did not hold my interest. It was mostly a talky class, with the lecturer interacting with a few outspoken students while the slower-brained ones (like myself) sat and watched the clock.

I really dislike false advertising in IVLE module outlines, and I didn’t realise it was going to degenerate into a giant discussion session. At least some history got taught, in the form of dates, notable contributions and so on, but it didn’t make up the bulk of the module. While it’s an effective module in terms of making the students think critically and deeply, it does not satisfy my criterion of “can I score”. I’m sorry, but if employers only want to see the triangular letters and have no interest in how well I can argue for a functionalist perspective on machine AI, then I shall only focus of the ability of the module to fulfill that criterion. I’d recommend this module to others only if they really love talking in class, or have a high enough CAP to make up for the shortfall this module may cause.

review #2:
firstly, something interesting was raised by prof elliot in history and systems of psychology seminar today. for once in a long time i was actually thinking hard about something. in case u think it's an interesting class, no it's not. it's boring like mad. thong can sleep under the nose of the prof throughout the lesson and no one will notice. half the time basically consists of the ongoing dialogue between prof elliot and a certain guy in class (by this i mean just the two of them) and the rest of the class either sleep or pretend to understand. but once in awhile interesting topics like today's will be fed to the class, and at least it's interesting as compared to anything else possible to happen in that class...

haha! so it's not only our semester who sees a lecture conversing for one hour in class with an extremely talkative guy while the rest of us try to keep on track and keep awake :)
but i do enjoy the module actually. i like the philosophy part. and i like how the textbook is written. it's super funny. haha. i don't quite understand the flow of his notes though:S

my brain was quite stoned for around an hour. lol
now it's picking up again :) good.
1892 was the year that apa started :) 1986 was the year that nus offer the psychology course. hahaha. in 1990, the first 11 honours students graduated (including Dr Sim.. and eh. a professor of SMU who has the same name and surname as my ul now).
g stanley hall started the first experimental lab.
i hope i remember what they say abt things.
the intentional stance and what nots paper seems to be missing:S

ooh. one of my uncles just passed away.
not very close to him though :\

hahaa. just finished last episode of trick 3. hq's too dark to do work 'cos of rain. lol. excuses.
AH. but the scriptwriters are good :) they had a good idea. kinda amazing how they managed to sustain the script from the first series to now:)
my writing skills are really not there yet. haha.

tummyache :(
bad one.

Just finished a 3-page reflection on the case of Mr and Mrs Chia. they're really very encouraging:) I don't think they're extraordinarily resilient, or super strong. They're ordinary people, with an extraordinary God and extraordinary thoughts. imagine yourself as a guy getting multiple sclerosis and having to rely on your wife for your movements and activities of daily living (e.g. bathing and even clearing your bowels). And imagine yourself as a wife having to quit your job, take care of your husband, take care of 3 children (ages, 4, 6 and 8). It's quite a recipe for great caretaker fatigue and great disgruntlement towards God.
but they didn't. which i found was quite amazing. they grieved for a short while, accepted that God has allowed this to happen and he must have a reason for it, and moved on to the practical aspects of adapting their lives to the disease. It's not to say that they completely don't have thoughts about it, they do. but they don't let these thoughts manifest into bitterness.
and it's amazing to see how God provides for them as well.
not to say they're the perfect example, or they had perfect responses.. they don't. haha. but it's so refreshing to see this case. i was expecting a lot of pouring out on the fatigue, anger, guilt that she faced, disappointment with God, disappointment with self.. and i saw none of that. i saw a tired face with a joyful disposition and an accepting heart.
it really refreshed my soul.

heh. i'm looking at grief and loss (need to write reflection paper on it) and i saw a link to grieving the loss of a pet.
think i agree with what the website says, that many-a-times people undermine the sense of loss a pet owner can feel when the pet is gone.
i've lost quite a few pets myself (they die when they're taken care of by me O.o oh dear.) i've had two terrapins, 21 goldfishes, 1 fighting fish and 2 hamsters (one dwarf and one syrian). think the death that struck me the most was the death of my syrian hamster (which was with me for abt 2 yrs and 9 months). my two terrapins died when i was in school, so i never saw them die. their presence was here, and suddenly gone. the 21 goldfishes died one after another quite quickly (i only had them for abt a month:S) the fighting fish was more poor thing. it was with me for one day (forgot to put something to cover the container and it jumped out:S) the dwarf hamster (chloe) was given to me by my jc friends and died within 2 weeks (sigh). was quite close to clover (my syrian hamster) 'cos it was my first furry pet and the first pet i took care of myself (expenses and all). can still remember the night when she died. she ran around the bed once, then lay on the tissue i laid out on her favourite spot, then died. thinking about it grieves me :(
i was just telling my mum how if chi dies, we'll both be very sad. 'cos chi is bigger (physically) and will probably live longer. lol. oh well.

Doing the compilation for the group project paper for the module Social Work in Medical Setting (which is a module giving social work majors a glimpse of what medical social workers do. lol). It's quite amazing how so many weeks have gone past since the start of the project (at the first tutorial, where I got traumatized by crystal - the relief tutor. lol)
from interviewing mr and mrs chia, to doing up the presentation (which crystal commented was very well done, very clear. our presentation was like the only one that everyone was interested in, and probably managed to stay awake without much effort. hohoho. yay) to writing the final report now.. think i've learned much in this module (not from the lectures. hahaha. but really from the tutorials, from the cases of the social workers who come and teach us:) not a bad module. heh.
i'm quite glad i took these modules. modules which deal more with trauma and hospital settings. pretty interesting :)

Just finished the second season of Trick :) postponed the last episode to today 'cos had to discipline myself to sleep at 2am yesterday. whahaa.
i hope to be able to write scripts that portray hidden feelings next time. hahaha.

I've decided to charge for using my comp to play the licensed games that i have. haha. at a rate of $1 per hour ($0.50 for per half hour). Not a lot of games in my comp (only got 4) at this moment.. and not a lot of people playing games on my comp (so far only got shawn and jitsy. haha). If you're interested, please book the timing at least one day (24 hrs) in advance so that I'll know what to do while you have my laptop. lol.
The 4 licensed games in my comp (all gotten from bigfishgames.com are:
1)

Azada:Ancient Magic is a game whereby you solve things in storybooks. Usually the storybook character will require something, and you have to solve different things (mix and match items and find out how to use them) to complete that book. There're 20 storybooks to be completed in all. There's also a bigger overall plot, but not important la.
Currently, Azada:Ancient magic is being played by shawn..and there can only be one person playing at any one time, so if you're interested to play this game (I enjoyed it quite a lot personally), you'll have to book in advance. haha.
2)

Personally, I think this game gets boring after a while. Create Posted to simulation games. lol. It's #1 on the list of strategy games on bigfishgames.com though. I've yet to finish this game, but there can be 5 profiles. haha.

3)

This is a surprisingly enjoyable game. I like it 'cos of the locked doors.. then you have to figure out how to open the locks. I thought I didn't like finding objects, but quite okay. haha. I've finished the game. Quite interesting to see how to story flows ( a bit predictable, but well :).

4.

I like it so far. hahaa. It's not an extremely intellectual game.. and with regards to gameplay, i think azada is better. but it's been okay so far:) quite a funny game actually. hahaha.
Can have many profiles. i've not finished it. so yah, can't give a full review :)

Yup. that's all!

Let me show you an example of why people should sleep till late morning. haha.
Do you know that Descartes, the famous philospher who came up with the famous quote of 'I think, therefore I am' used to stay in bed (due to a supposedly fragile body) till noon :) he'll spend the time in bed contemplating and thinking about whatever problem he had on hand.. and what amazing things he's come up with! haha.
go read up on him. and connect them to biological facts that you know and you'll realize that despite the lack of advanced scientific instruments during his time, he came up with theories and physiological models which actually do describe accurately (though with wrong terms) how the body system works.
while reading up on what wikipedia talks about descartes, i've discovered that wikipedia may not be fully reliable. wikipedia claims that descartes didn't believe that animals had a pineal gland, but in actual fact, he did (Finger,2000 -->a journal). he just argued that the gland had a function in humans that would not be found in animals - the locus for mind-body interaction (Goodwin, 2005 --> my textbook). btw, his theory about the pineal gland is not correct. but other physiological models he proposed are. lol
interesting guy!
anyway, i was talking about how we should stay in bed till late. haha. not to slack, but if you're thinking, some time off in bed is good. lol. might not help if u have a lack of sleep though. haha.
and... surveys find that 10.04pm is the best time for creative juices to flow... which mean that.. maybe sleeping late at night has its advantages too. oh well :) haha.
but must still get fruitful and sufficient sleep :)

My last 3 assignments of the studying days in nus:
1) Personal reflection on loss and grief issues experienced by the family my group interviewed, alongside with written group project (30%)
2) History and systems of psychology test (20%)
3) Bilingualism term paper (40%)

Currently at hq. supposed to be doing work, but i don't know to start on which assignment first. Concurrently filling a resume for being an allied educator (counselling).
i feel sleepy. and non-directed. haha.
usually quite busy, so assignments tend to be a bit last minute (like 2-3 days beforehand). stress level builds up. cortisol levels increase.
and i get super productive.
too little stress, deadline not near... little cortisol --> no motivation to do work.
hahah
i'm so laidback!

want to share a verse that has encouraged me (and kept appearing in my mind) for the past weeks. pastor lawrence shared that verse today too (though he only shared one out of the 3).
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
i love it when i break out of narrow thoughts and see things in the light of eternity.

chi likes to whine. especially when we stop her from going somewhere. lol. or in the morning when she doesn't get food and i'm still asleep (usually ard 7+am), then she'll whine a lot. lol.
was personally very ministered by the wam cum team ministry night today :) there was a time of crazy games (led by dennis), then affirmation by some of the church staff, then they gave out long service (5,10 and 15!) awards to people who've served very long in their ministries. then we had praise and worship. haha. was observing the backup singers during praise (and praising God as well) so that i can learn from their expression and the way they complement the song :)
worship reminded us of the faithfulness of God. i think it really reminded a lot of us about the faithfulness of God.
Like the sun that rises every day
O Lord You are faithful, dear Lord You are faithful,
Like the rain that You bring and every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, Lord.

Like a rose that comes alive every spring
O, You are so faithful, dear Lord You are faithful,
Like the life that You give to every beat of my heart,
You are so faithful, O Lord.

I see a cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away,

In the midst of the storm,
Through the wind and the waves,
You'll still be faithful,
O You'll still be faithful.

When the stars refuse to shine,
And time is no more,
You'll still be faithful,
You'll still be faithful O Lord.
it touched me a lot. the sister who was awarded the long service award (15 years - she was the only one who received it.. ) shared that one of the worship songs touched her a lot. the lyrics of 'i set my eyes on You Lord, i choose You everytime'
she shared the verse also.
"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." - Joshua 24:15
i think it particularly resonated in my heart 'cos it's something i really believe in. that we can choose our reactions to different things that happen along our way. and 'cos every time i serve in counter, it's a choice to serve ('cos my natural inclination towards counting money is to avoid it. singing is different though. i really enjoy singing:) sometimes i'll wonder why God has placed me to lead the counter ministry (tertiary) when i'm not particularly an advocate for it. haha.
and i think many people make the choice to love God despite circumstances and personality traits that work against them as well. very encouraging to see the perseverance of people.
i was telling michelle that in my heart i set a high standard. possibly 'cos of the background i came from, or the way i was taught from when i received Christ. but thenn again, the standard doesn't come from me. it comes from God. the perfect standard of God. and though we're far behind that standard, God moulds us, grow us, and we grow in the likeness of Him everytime we make the choice to allow Him to do his pruning work in us.
i think there was a period of time when i got influenced by the people around me and thought, actually it's quite okay to not to this, not to that, go here a bit late, go there another day. i started to have a 'everything is okay, God looks at the heart mentality' and started to excuse a lot of things people around me/i did. but in my heart, something felt odd. what i see does not resonate or connect with what the principles i understood in my heart (cognitive dissonance!) after a few months, i pondered, thought through, and realized that the principles were right, it's just that i could not give a formal title to it.
the need to not dilute the teachings of Christ.
not to say that we become pharisees. i believe that there must be a balance as well. but i think that time i diluted the teachings of Christ and lowered God's standard in the view of 'sheltering' the people around me. (which of course doesn't help in anyone's growth :D) lol.
wisdom ba. ah. need to perpectually grow in that.

Just read that harnesses are a better choice for cats instead.. 'cos they think collars choke them. ah well. lol.

chi is now fitted with a pink collar.
lol.
bought it from daiso :) along with a pink leash. wanted to bring her out for a walk, but she freaked out upon having the pink collar fitted around her. and started to run away with the leash :S
but now she seems okay with the collar. and i'm not going to try putting the leash around her for today either:S

lol.
i'm trying to upload all the photos in my phone so as to find the one i took of the red bomb i received this evening O.o
and realized that i can't find it.
blah.
quite surprised to receive the invitation 'cos i'm not very close to them. hahahaha. gabriel was my ministry leader for a while (when meiting --> shucks. forgot the name.. was the counter leader for a while..) when i was in year 1. i think. maybe 'cos i talked to him a few times on the bus? =) ('cos we lived 2 stops away from each other). sarah.. sarah i dun really know her. hahahaha. i know sarah 'cos of sharon. i know sharon 'cos of junting. i know junting 'cos she was my ex shepherd!
but feels quite blessed to be invited :) hehe.
air tickets are SO expensive O.o

my tuition kid's mother called me just now on the bus. super funny. she called to thank me for helping the kid's grades improve. i'm like 'ehhh.....'
but quite interesting. first time some parent call me to thank me abt grades :)

I'm frustrated.
stupid chi won't let me put surgical tape on her. she keeps biting and biting and biting. even as i give her treats, try to assure her through fake purring... ahhhhh!
(2 mins) okay. frustration passed.
On the bus back i was just thinking about how human beings have the tendency to compare. i came from a family who loves to compare. (translated to english)"he scores better than you.." "how come you're so lazy, that blah blah blah blah is more hardworking than you" "see la, you gep come out got use or not? worse than people! that blah blah blah blah ..."
i think as a result, i used to compare too. "other people's parents can teach them.. but you can't!" "other people got cars to drive them to school, but i don't..." "other people got their own room.. but i don't have.."
comparisons :)
i think along the way i grew to hate comparisons. strongly. even vehemently. but sometimes i fall back into the trap of comaparing.
"how come she got this, and i don't have?" "why is it that other pple's family are so nice, but mine is so messed up."
along the way, God taught me contentment. that there's a reason why we're placed at where we are, that His presence is more than enough. that His love is more than enough. that His people is more than enough.
God taught me to be the one to change it, rather than being consumed by it. that i can make a change by not being reactive. that the circumstances cannot hold me back, 'cos i'm free in Christ. that even though outwardly we're wasting away, we're renewed day by day by Him (i love this verse. it encourages me a lot everytime i'm frustrated about things). that there's a greater destiny that awaits me than what i am experiencing here now on earth.
God taught me to judge my thoughts. we call it metacognition. thinking about thinking. taking captive of our thoughts. being careful with what we let into the garden of our thoughts. we harvest our thoughts. literally.
it's not that i don't fall into the trap anymore. i still do. sometimes. but then the Holy Spirit prompts. and after which, it's up to me if i want to obey or not.
i was thinking about the comparing thing when the shepherd and sheep system comes into mind.
i think in the past when i just got michelle as a shepherd, due to our many conflicts and thrashing out sessions (thank God for them.. 'cos now we're able to be close 'cos of the conflicts :) i treasure her a lot as a sister and a shepherd and a friend now), i used to compare in my heart. how come her shepherd is so nice to her, mine likes to correct me. how come i don't have this, i don't have that.
a heart that compares, with wrong attitudes only brings about contempt and taking people for granted. this applies to our own sheep too :) sometimes we may feel frustrated in taking care of them and potentially think to ourselves (why is my sheep like that, when her sheep is not like that.. how come my sheep always gives me problems, but her sheep don't..)
the grass is always greener on the other side.
i think if i really choose to, i can compare everything i want (with a wrong motive). can compare friends, compare families, compare achievements.
of course that's not to say we don't compare. a healthy comparison is good. but it's a fine line.
like what they always say. holy discontentment is good. but a blaming spirit is not. a put myself down spirit is not.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Gratefulness is the key to counter a comparing spirit. a thanksgiving heart. a thanksgiving spirit. a heart that reminds oneself of the character of God that's not changing.
suddenly have that realization. haha. that maybe we need to check our thanksgiving too :)
i love romans and philippians. i think it sets me on the right perspective when i'm not. i love psalms too. when i'm terribly frustrated, feels like throwing things around the room, feel like giving up and just run away (i like to take the path of least resistance sometimes), feels like departing from this world and joining Christ, psalms remind me of 2 things
1) God's always with me
2) David (in the bible) went through tougher things than i did. hahaa.
let's learn to be contented. and practice thanksgiving. be a non-conformist! give thanks! the rest of the world will only grumble!:)

looking at the data dr tan supplied, out of her own research on infants and toddlers. the data is super a lot. hahaha. and at first glance it looked slightly messy. but she's helped us to colour code it... so that helped!:)
but strange to work with someone's data.. then formulate a research qn and do testing on it.. more used to the normal progression of formulating own research question, do research and testing, then writing a paper on it.
hmmm.
have to get used to all the short forms used. ahhhhhhh. messy messy messy.
as i learn more about language, i tend to evaluate my own language background (i believe the people in my class do that too).. i'm exposed to chinese (and hokkien) since young (before 3) and was only exposed to english after the age of 3 ('cos no one in my family (including relatives) really do speak english. but God blesses me with the ability to pick up languages fast, alongside with the english dunno what lesson my mum sent me to in primary 2, it seems that my english and chinese were alright in primary school (though my receptive vocabulary can't really be compared others). i love to read, so i got most of my vocab from the books i read, but that doesn't mean i'll understand them. for example, i remember that at the age of 12, i still didn't know the meaning of the word 'define'. i thought it means something along the lines of 'very/extremely'. so when my friend said something on the phone, and i wanna agree and say it's very ... i will say 'define ...' of course that makes the person on the other end really confused. hahaha.
so it's quite an interesting time for me in primary school. my choice of music was (and still is) in the english genre, so was (and is) my reading material. but conversational wise, i spoke more in mandarin ('cos of story telling competitions and the family environment).
that changed in secondary school though. being in nygep, my friends mostly came from an english speaking family background (except for those who came in the second round of selection --> which kinda shows that the first round of selection is biased towards children who came from english speaking families... 'cos i remember i passed the maths at the p3 selection test, but failed my english). so i grew in my english vocab and understanding of english culture. hahaa. playing rpgs helped too. haha!
i think my command of the english language grew then.
and thought it may seem as though my command of the english language is of a level comparable to a native speaker's, i still feel uncomfortable sometimes in using english (especially when i was writing literature essays). hahhaa. and sometimes i realize that i may lapse back into chinese (just occasionally).
but i've also realized that there's been language attrition in chinese due to the lack of use to do formal writing and speaking. oh well. i can still understand chinese very well, and am still able to detect nuances, but am unable to write out quite a lot of words (but then again, my orthographic skills have not really been very developed) do not feel comfortable reading in mandarin anymore (which i was able to do so in secondary school).
so anyway, what i hope to say is that the environment plays an important role in your command of a language. if you wanna master english well, you've gotta make the deliberate effort to surround yourself with the language, read up on the culture and enjoy the process of making mistakes and learning (as what i did when i was in secondary school. lol)

lol.
just realized that the citrus scent is offensive to cats. haha. my new Air Wick is sparkling citrus! woohoo.
i'm quite tired. tired in a light way. sometimes we get tired and burdened. that's tired in a heavy way.
so i'm tired and not very burdened at this moment. that's the light way.
just now i was looking at the ceiling thinking to myself that i need to go bathe and i realized that the ceiling was kinda expanding and contracting, expanding and contracting. visual illusion due to fatigue.
anyway, i'm going to embark on my due 11am assignment (with a slight grumbly but with much gladness heart). lol.

ah.
just realized that i've a draft due for my bilingualism module.. tmr! 11am. 2-3 pages. whaha.
i totally didn't realize it :S oh well.
and i need to finish up presentation slides by tmr too.
and i've got my lang assignment due on thursday.
ah. well. never check things properly:S lol. don't learn from me.
anyway, brought chi to spay today :\
and came back home around 1+pm to find chi and see how she's like.
i think i got a shock when i saw her 'cos she's quite different from how i expected her to be.
i thought that she'll be sleeping after the operation.. but she was awake. and labouring to walk. so she kept falling off the bed :\ very drowsy. inner eyelids out, eyes with reddish rims. the back portion was draggish. looks. quite. worrying.


i really kinda regretted sending her to the vet to spay. 'cos at that moment she looked like she was going to die or something. lol. and she didn't want to eat. didn't really want to drink. kept trying to get onto the floor (of which i picked her up and put her on the floor instead) and trying to walk around (extremely slowly).
but she was better at night :) could walk. could run. haha. could jump onto my leg (though cannot reach, so i had to help her up and kena scratches in the process). she looked better. still groggy, a bit temperamental (she tried to bite stella. whahaha) but can walk le :)


Can see the black stitches? so ugly. lol.

fasting chi again.
she seems to be taking it better this time.
hope she'll be okay tmr :S

spent the night explaining what structuralism and functionalism is to this 20 year old girl whom i've not even met. Hanes' friend. haha.
i think it helped me to concretize what these two terms mean. haha. before that i was quite confused about the difference as well. now i'm not =] quite glad.
guess both of us learn by applying it to real life examples:)

First heard this on the Ravi recordings...

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

By Annie J. Flint

This song has been ministering to me in the past week or so :) it's not the kind that will minister to a lot of people at one go, but it did for me. I don't even know how come i have that song O.o lol. much less how it appeared on my handphone.



"Assuredly Yours" - Paradise Live
All that I am is in You
All that I seek is to follow You
I run to Your side when You call
There is the hope I am longing for

Just to be by your side
There is hope in my life
There is no greater freedom I’ll find

So take my life
And all that I have to give
Take my world
Just inhabit all of it
Take my dreams
Make me assuredly Yours

bilingualism is a very encouraging module.
it's like the only module that i get 99/100 for an assignment and full marks for another.
i hope i get an A for this! (although i missed a few tutorials O.o)

It's official!
the vet says that chi is a female:) haha.
and she weighs 2.4 kg at this moment. temperature was at 29.4 (which was slightly on the high side). think she had fever a few days ago, but is now recovering ('cos she didn't have much appetite a few days ago).
yup.
so bringing her again next monday.
what a distressing day.

heh. chi's been trying to get me to feed her for the past few hours. first she suckles on my fingers, then she bites me, then she meows a lot, then she suckles my finger again. now she's resorted to hiding in the plastic bag and playing with my toes.
very distressing to make chi fast. no food and water.
i hope 10am comes soon:S

Found a Singapore based product sampling site! =D

The above is my referral link. hahaa. come sign up and give me points so that i can get more than 3 free samples. hahaha.

but come to think about it, i think i'll be more comfortable in taiwan than in thailand ('cos i dunno thai. hahaha). i always feel that chinese brings out a more tender side of God than english words do, hope to be able to experience more of this tender side and to share about this tender side to other people in chinese too :) and i'm glad that i can read fan2 ti3 zi4 'cos of calligraphy! hahaha.

I quite enjoyed the Galileo series=) hahaa. i like the way they explained the supernatural events using science. i went to check up on some of what they've mentioned in the show 'cos some seemed rather improbable, but apparently they do exist. the last 2 episodes are kinda lacking in coherence and connections though (not as much as the first 8 episodes ba.. so feels slightly disconnected).
sharing sessions are good :)
was so tired yesterday that i had to take a nap before i go and bathe 'cos i couldn't drag myself to the bathroom. when i finally could, my whole body and head was so groggy it felt as if the water droplets were part of a dream. ah well.
reading up on taiwan 'cos going there for stm (hopefully i can gather enough resources. hahahahahaha) and realized that 15% of the people speak hakka! i only know how to say 'i am half hakka and half hokkien' and the numbers in hakka. ah well :)
dunno where my chinese bible is though O.o
actually i don't really have a desire to go to taiwan. haha. i'm not interested in the culture. and i'm not interested in their variety shows. and i'm not interested in their farms. but see how ba. it might be a totally eye-opening experience :) looking forward to it! it's gonna be my grad trip too. wahha.

After the farewell for Jovin and belated celebration for muahchee, it was 12.45am. Having no more 139 and no nightriders at the bus stop i was (the parklane one), I decided to try taking 166, since it passes by locations near to toa payoh.
i was hoping for it to turn up and go to trellis towers, but it didn't, so i stopped at the police academy bus stop, along with a guy and a couple. and we walked up the expressway (there was a small walking lane beside it) and into the lorong 1 estate.
and having no other buses to go home, i decided to walk home (my house is in lorong 8). It took me around 45 minutes to get home from there. hehe. so i reached home at 1.45am ('cos the bus ride took around 15 mins).
yay.
calculating the time taken for this, in addition to the time taken to walk from bugis to somewhere near trellis towers, it should taken around 2 and a half hours if i were to walk home from town.
wah. so long.

Just replied to a post in the forum for history and systems of psychology. It's been going into philosophical realms these days, starting from john elliot's love of the evolutionary theory to thinking about functionalism. a thought experiment that was given was the questions of whether there will be any difference in behaviour or emotional states IF we change all the neurons in the brain to computer components (which are advanced enough to do exactly what neurons do (pass down signals). lol. of which you can see that
1) functionalists don't believe in the mind-body dualism, which probably means that they don't believe that there's a soul either.
2) all of us don't do our readings.
heh. oh well. i read up a little on mind-body dualism and functionalism on wikipedia, to get a more holistic field of what each proposes, and i was thinking to myself how these two actually start from different assumptions altogether.
anyway, i'm here to show off my collection of wedding cake photos (koped from online some time ago)






And ta-da. my favourite:

Sometimes i long to say that i'm still flesh and blood. and i'm still a female.
sometimes when i see leaders who are lonely, i long to say a hi, or involve the person in, but shyness creeps in (and of course, some people will think i'm joking when i say that line).
i think all i can say is that i'm still flesh and blood. and i'm still a female. i have my strengths and weaknesses. and i have my fears. i have my triumps and many failures. i need God too.
i feel quite distressed when people categorize me. or when people categorize people. but then again, according to social psychology, it makes for cognitive simplification (i can't remember the exact term) and it helps predict behaviour.

Was watching the women's talkshow on channel dunno what just now. they were talking about beauty and whether it's important for women to be beautiful by nature. Actually, coming from a personal and a psychological point of view, i think if you're born with external beauty, it does enable you to have much more advantages in the world than if you're not.
life's quite unfair ah?:)
I actually quite dislike people who keep harping on this topic =) i'm alright with people who have a healthy appreciation of the beauty that God has created and placed around us and comments on that (e.g. commenting (purely commenting) that some people are quite pretty blah blah.. some are not as good looking) but if that person keeps on criticizing another person based on the outward appearance and judging (e.g. i think she's ugly), i'll be quite pissed off with that person.
possibly 'cos i know people who can be quite pretty and seemingly nice on the outside but damn awful (i apologize for any stumbling due to use of words) and bitchy (meaning spiteful and malicious) on the inside (and you can't do anything about it 'cos people who've only encountered the person once or twice thinks she's nice). possibly also 'cos i've seen how girls got affected by the comments of some thoughtless people (usually guys. sorry to guys who don't do that) out there. possibly 'cos i studied about eating disorders and how image can affect a girl's self esteem very much.
sometimes when i hear comments putting a girl/sister down, i have a strong desire (due to my sinful nature) to retort back with a comment asking the person to take a look in the mirror as well :P of course, a nicer way of putting it will be to ask the person to think about it in the shoes of the person :) or to put themselves in a scenario when the person being criticized is someone the person loves :)
of course, i've also seen how certain people use their beauty to manipulate the people (especially guys' feelings) and i think it's awful as well. sigh.
actually, i don't think i've seen any sisters who're not beautiful (the general beauty including demeanor, outward and inward beauty), just that their hidden potential have not been discovered yet:) like what robert said (and what huang su fang said), it's just that sometimes the guys don't know how to appreciate. the question lies in whether a person can glimpse at the hidden potential within that person, craft it and help to bring it out.
kind of like shepherding ah?:)

while watching yakitate japan, i learned that there's such a thing as the bombay blood type! wah. it's very rare, occurring in 1 person out of 250,000 and was first discovered in bombay. it's tested as an O in normal blood tests though:) so intriguing!

Recently got a lot of flaming arrows from unexpected sources.
don't know why i seem to meet with parents who like to talk to me when their children are away, like trying to threaten me while their children are not away 'cos they don't want their children to know. 'cos once their children know, the children will be quite angry at the parents. so sneaky. if they want to talk, guang1 ming1 zheng4 da4 de talk la, so sneaky for what? O.o
and as if i'll be threatened by people just 'cos they're older than me. to me, the philosophy of 'older does not mean you're mot mature' stands. so unless the person proves his/her maturity, the words will be severely evaluated and critically analyzed. in other words, it means 'too bad. authority doesn't scare me.' and if the adult who's older than me proves to be very immature, then well, too bad too.
slightly annoyed at the weird behaviour of adults(especially parents) these days.

Desert Song - Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS
I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

BRIDGE

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow.

I finished Azada: Ancient Magic today:) Out of all the games I've played from bigfishgames.com, this game has captivated me 'cos the idea was quite fresh (solving mysteries in storybooks) and 'cos it has nice music and graphics :) yup.
but i do agree with the reviews.. not much replay value. haha. and some parts are horrendously frustrating 'cos there seemed to be no way out of it. ah well.

I woke up this morning with an idea for a script in mind. it's about unrequited love. think got influenced by last night's 'painted skin' (watched with serene, rachel, weiling, jesse, florence and ellson), which was a good movie (i find). haha. nevermind the horrible reviews some people have of it (which never reached my ears), nevermind not knowing what the movie is about (neither did i, and we missed the first 15 mins of the show!), nevermind that you don't like action or romance movies (it's kinda like a marriage of genres).. go watch it if you like chinese more ancient kind of films. yup.
i cried (quite a lot. but then again, i cried at every of the 3 episodes i've watched of stairway to heaven, so in this area, i'm not a reliable gauge as to how touching/not touching the movie is):P so did someone else who said she's too paiseh to say tt she cried. nobody else did though. haha. oh well :)
Actually, while thinking of unrequited love, i can't help thinking about the unrequited love around us. how he poured out so much of his love, yet the one he pursues doesn't always respond, and how though he loves the person 100% all the time, the person doesn't respond. the length and depth of this unrequited love cause me to be much saddened.

Dr John Elliot and this guy in class is debating about some law of goodness knows what.. they started out with talking about whether there is an ultimate law to explain for psychology - the relationship between the brain and behaviour.. i lost them somewhere around. don't know what they're talking about now.
Oh good. now we're talking about something i understand...
about whether we're focused too much on the right thing - e.g. the small scale theories and we miss out on understanding on people as people..