And so, I was evaluating what caused me to miss my Secondary school friends.. and why I feel that I'm in a state where I seem to living only 20-30% of the life that I'm intended to live. And I realized the following things about myself:

1) I miss the vibrancy and energy of my secondary school friends. My 2 best friends are both very upbeat people (probably both sanguines) and rather bubbly/emotional (as in they emote well. hahaa. and they willingly share. and share their thoughts as well).

2) I'm used to being surrounded by quirky and motivated people. hahaa. i think my entire class was rather quirky! and each one has something that one is passionate about (be it the right or wrong things). hahaa. each has a distinct and strong personality i guess. not necessarily very healthy self esteems, or whatsoever, but definitely distinctly different. like you can use one word to summarize that person. they shine in different ways. and i think i'm that kind of person as well. you can say that we're pretty shaped by the education system to want to push things forward. haha. we can be quite lawless too.

3) i miss the intellectual stimulation. I was wondering why recently I keep feeling that there's a need not met, specifically that I feel I've not been learning - and this has caused great mental boredom. hahaa. my mind doesn't feel challenged. and it has grown lazy. so I guess it's great that script writing is rousing my slumbering mind once again. but not just that. my learning comes mainly from modelling and experiencing things, so there's been a great lack in there i guess. God~!

4) I haven't really felt challenged these days. like there hasn't been something that requires me to really push myself, or go beyond my own abilities. I've not had to sacrifice much, nor had to be humbled much. I miss living on the edge for God, or just plain living on the edge. perhaps the best analogy would be that i've been cocooned (in that I've been growing, but it's a very safe way of growing). I'm in the cocoon waiting for the time when I can break out and break through. and woohooo! rise above the leaves and bask in the warmth of the sun.

5) God has created me such that when I have an over-arching goal, I can work towards it. I've had a lack of such a goal recently. I was trying to write out a bucket list, and I realized that actually I don't have much that I really want to do. hahahaa. I can safely say that if I die tomorrow, I won't have much regrets, other that the fact that my loved ones may not know Christ yet. I am currently in the state of dispensibility (it's a good thing! though it also reduces my motivation for being excited about being on this earth). I guess God created me to want to push through with things? I guess some things that are still in stagnancy (and has to be pushed through) are simply too repeititive for me. Perhaps my over-arching goal should be that I have a breakthrough in the mundane. haha.

anyway, my desire to travel around has been greatly decreased. And I've forgotten to have lunch yet once again D:

Salary increase for all teachers and allied educators! LOL
i find this rather amusing cos well, could it be that a lot of people are leaving the sector? o_O

The following was not written by me:

From Shane Clairborne:

To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.

Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.

The other night I headed into downtown Philly for a stroll with some friends from out of town. We walked down to Penn's Landing along the river, where there are street performers, artists, musicians. We passed a great magician who did some pretty sweet tricks like pour change out of his iPhone, and then there was a preacher. He wasn't quite as captivating as the magician. He stood on a box, yelling into a microphone, and beside him was a coffin with a fake dead body inside. He talked about how we are all going to die and go to hell if we don't know Jesus.

Some folks snickered. Some told him to shut the hell up. A couple of teenagers tried to steal the dead body in the coffin. All I could do was think to myself, I want to jump up on a box beside him and yell at the top of my lungs, "God is not a monster." Maybe next time I will.

The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus.

At one point Gandhi was asked if he was a Christian, and he said, essentially, "I sure love Jesus, but the Christians seem so unlike their Christ." A recent study showed that the top three perceptions of Christians in the U. S. among young non-Christians are that Christians are 1) antigay, 2) judgmental, and 3) hypocritical. So what we have here is a bit of an image crisis, and much of that reputation is well deserved. That's the ugly stuff. And that's why I begin by saying that I'm sorry.

Now for the good news.

I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you can have great answers and still be mean... and that just as important as being right is being nice.)

The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it... it was because "God so loved the world." That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our "Gospel" is the message that Jesus came "not [for] the healthy... but the sick." And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth.

One of Jesus' most scandalous stories is the story of the Good Samaritan. As sentimental as we may have made it, the original story was about a man who gets beat up and left on the side of the road. A priest passes by. A Levite, the quintessential religious guy, also passes by on the other side (perhaps late for a meeting at church). And then comes the Samaritan... you can almost imagine a snicker in the Jewish crowd. Jews did not talk to Samaritans, or even walk through Samaria. But the Samaritan stops and takes care of the guy in the ditch and is lifted up as the hero of the story. I'm sure some of the listeners were ticked. According to the religious elite, Samaritans did not keep the right rules, and they did not have sound doctrine... but Jesus shows that true faith has to work itself out in a way that is Good News to the most bruised and broken person lying in the ditch.

It is so simple, but the pious forget this lesson constantly. God may indeed be evident in a priest, but God is just as likely to be at work through a Samaritan or a prostitute. In fact the Scripture is brimful of God using folks like a lying prostitute named Rahab, an adulterous king named David... at one point God even speaks to a guy named Balaam through his donkey. Some say God spoke to Balaam through his ass and has been speaking through asses ever since. So if God should choose to use us, then we should be grateful but not think too highly of ourselves. And if upon meeting someone we think God could never use, we should think again.

After all, Jesus says to the religious elite who looked down on everybody else: "The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom ahead of you." And we wonder what got him killed?

I have a friend in the UK who talks about "dirty theology" — that we have a God who is always using dirt to bring life and healing and redemption, a God who shows up in the most unlikely and scandalous ways. After all, the whole story begins with God reaching down from heaven, picking up some dirt, and breathing life into it. At one point, Jesus takes some mud, spits in it, and wipes it on a blind man's eyes to heal him. (The priests and producers of anointing oil were not happy that day.)

In fact, the entire story of Jesus is about a God who did not just want to stay "out there" but who moves into the neighborhood, a neighborhood where folks said, "Nothing good could come." It is this Jesus who was accused of being a glutton and drunkard and rabble-rouser for hanging out with all of society's rejects, and who died on the imperial cross of Rome reserved for bandits and failed messiahs. This is why the triumph over the cross was a triumph over everything ugly we do to ourselves and to others. It is the final promise that love wins.


It is this Jesus who was born in a stank manger in the middle of a genocide. That is the God that we are just as likely to find in the streets as in the sanctuary, who can redeem revolutionaries and tax collectors, the oppressed and the oppressors... a God who is saving some of us from the ghettos of poverty, and some of us from the ghettos of wealth.

In closing, to those who have closed the door on religion — I was recently asked by a non-Christian friend if I thought he was going to hell. I said, "I hope not. It will be hard to enjoy heaven without you." If those of us who believe in God do not believe God's grace is big enough to save the whole world... well, we should at least pray that it is.

--> serves as an apt reminder of the God whom I love and serve

facebook is great for catching up on the news of old friends. haha.
looks like my old best friend has a new girlfriend. hoho
ah. i miss my funky friends.

sometimes being in a caregiving profession means that there's a certain set of people around, whom i appreciate, but there's that wiggly feeling in me that somehow hints that i'm not being around people whom i'm totally comfortable with.

maybe that's why i enjoy drama. haha.

this is what happens when you have two conflicting sides in you. that on one hand i need lots of time to reflect, and on the other hand, i need that space to be creative and run around too. haha

Take All Of Me- Hillsong United

Got reminded of this song when i saw printed copies of this song's chords:) what happened to our spiritual habits? and have we forgotten the child-like faith and dependency on God?

ENFJ - Possible Blind Spots
ENFJs are so empathetic and caring that they can become overly involved the problems or feelings of others. Sometimes they choose causes that aren’t worthy of all the time and energy they pour into them.  When things don’t turn out well, they can become overwhelmed, disappointed, or disillusioned.

This can lead them to withdraw, feeling they weren’t appreciated. ENFJs need to learn to accept their own limitations as well as those of the people they care about. They also need to learn how to “pick their battles” and how to maintain realistic expectations --> gotta remind myself of this
Because of their strong desire for harmony, ENFJs can overlook their own needs and ignore real problems. Because they avoid conflict, they sometimes maintain relationships that are less than honest and equal.--> like we'd realize that the relationships are poisonous to us, but we just continue them. which is really not beneficial for our own health. or that we'd choose to excuse poor behaviour, and let it silently build up at times when we're not aware. thank God there're other people who're aware though ENFJs are so concerned about the feelings of others that they can be blind to important facts when the situation involves criticism or hurt feelings. It’s important that ENFJs learn how to accept and deal with conflict as a necessary part of relationships.
Because they are enthusiastic and in a hurry to get on with their next challenge, ENFJ’s sometimes make incorrect assumptions or make decisions too quickly, without gathering all the important facts. They need to slow down and pay closer attention to the details of their projects. By waiting until enough information is known, they can avoid making mistakes
ENFJs focus on emotions to the point that they can fail to see the logical consequences of their actions. Trying to focus on the facts, not just the people, involved in their decisions can be helpful.
ENFJs respond well to praise, but are easily hurt by criticism, which can make them appear touchy. They take even the most innocent or well-intentioned criticism personally, and they often respond by becoming flustered, hurt, or angry. Their responses can be illogical to the point that they appear downright irrational to others. ENFJs do well to stop, take a step back, and try to see a situation objectively before reacting. Trying to be less sensitive will enable an ENFJ to hear the important and helpful information that is contained in constructive criticism.
ENFJs are so idealistic that they tend to see things the way they wish they were. They are vulnerable to idealising relationships, and they tend to overlook facts that contradict what they believe. ENFJs who don’t learn to face facts they find disagreeable end up ignoring their problems instead of finding solutions for them. In general, ENFJs need to try to keep their eyes open as well as their hearts

--> in summary, set proper thickened boundaries, and be less ready to respond with emotions.

old places, new memories :)
it's like God is allowing new memories to be added to these old places so that the old places would not always trigger back old memories. and in one night, 2 of the critical places are covered. haha.
it's great to be able to learn from others!

hahaa. Chi's gonna kill me.
I've officially forgotten to buy her her daily snacks for 4 days in a row. hahahaa.
she's meowing like crazy now. haha

Nanny Mcphee:
"when you need me, and do not want me, then I will stay. When you want me, but do not need me, then I have to go"

Corrinne May - Crooked Lines

He turns our groaning into perfect rhyme
hidden by the veil of time
the wisdom of His love's design
God writes straight with crooked lines

the topic of pain is something that resonates very strongly with me, partly cos I'm closely accustomed to it, and partly cos I see it much in the people whom I see.
was touched by the testimonies today, partly cos I wasn't expecting the testimonies, partly cos of the familiarity of the topic. i guessed many times when I'm doing counselling, i needed to suspend my own emotions and reactions and focus fully on my clients, but there're times when i forget to attend to those suspended emotions and reactions, and when i saw the testimonies, they came crashing down from where they were suspended and flooded me for a while.
which i'm glad for i guess, cos there're times i wonder if having exposed to so much has deadened my compassion and heart for people. so these times remind me that my heart's still working, that i still love, and the compassion to want to let them know that God can write straight with crooked lines rings in me.

"The abandoning" - 26/08/12

i looked across the mellowed sea
with surface calm and currents deep
and boxes sinking rapidly
with memories which are mine to keep

i took a boat and sailed it out
saw with my eyes the lands i scout
through boundaries i am to flout
lay opportunities about

should i to stay in a place today
where troubles streams along my way
that though the heart was given full
to waste my heart they lay

and so the gate was opened wide
i took a step and in one stride
plunged straight into the ocean deep
my path in His trusted hands to keep

I really can't wait to whip my room into shape so that I can have my loft bed and aircon. hahaa.
everytime when i know i'm supposed to churn out something I have the desire to run to a nice hotel room and coop myself up in it so that i won't be distracted by the many things that happen around me. haha.

The days of long ago - Xin Ying (25/08/12)

We started out with differences
As most friendships do
Ours, however, went much deeper
I'm sure you felt it too
But forced we were, to set things right
we sat and talked through many nights
the tears were shed, the shoutings done
and soon the peace begun
For years it was, four years it was,
the friendship firmed and stood
support you gave, the things i've learned
in the days of long ago.

but now, my dear friend,
what happened? what gave?
what war that raged? and to what end?
that caused your crumbling faith?
how could it be
after all you've seen
the things He's brought you through
deny in your heart
declare in your life
that He no longer lives in you?
what happened to you, my mentor my friend,
to the vision we heldthe race we're running
the covenant bound by blood.
what happened to the days we served
the people we loved
only by His strength upheld.
what happened to the you I knew
from the days of long ago?

i guess disney tugs at the heartstrings cos the songs sung reminds one of childhood and sends shivers down one's spine. it's the association!

Mumford and Sons with Birdy - Learn me Right / Disney Pixar's Brave OST

seriously love the music in the soundtrack. haha. was captivated from the first song "touch the sky"

Rowan Atkinson LIVE 07 Guys After The Game

haha. doing my hw for drama. Rowan Atkinson's good here!

Recently I was just thinking that just as how we grow up and realize more things/new things as a human in the world, similarly we grow up and realize more things as a believer as well.
when i was young as a believer, God protected me from a lot of things. the leaders shielded the members from the impact of our unit leader leaving church, God protected me from falling into temptations which I might not otherwise have recovered, or protected me from serious 'injuries'. life was much rosier in a way. sure, i went through persecutions and testings, but there were people along who guided me, the belief in God, childlike, brought me forward with much hope.
along the way, one grows and starts to realize that actually, things are not as rosy as it seemed to be. the church is still made up of human beings who sin, i, as a human being, has that equal propensity to fall, leaders are fellow humans whom God has called to lead us, and are in no way perfect, or less fallible.
and then disappointments set in, when you see that people whom you've put your trust in fall away, people who have once loved God fervently doing things that hurt God.. or simply people who're leading you breaking promises easily. there're times one starts to compare the leaders in church and the ones out of church, and you start to wonder at times, hmm, why's this person even leading me?
and just as how as an adolescent, or a young adult, we realize that our parents are actually imperfect human beings as well, we have to make the choice to respect even when the respect may not be earned. that ultimately, i guess there's the choice to make to honour the God above everything, to choose to serve or to model the right example and attitudes even when others may not be doing so. cos ultimately, my leader is Jesus.

the good thing about starting work at 7am is that in 1 hr and 20 mins i can officially go homeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
the bad thing about starting work at 7am is that my brain was doing this ______________ for the time from 7-10am. hahaa. well, at least i conducted the rc meeting during that time :X

quoted from the article i was reading:

“The only way to get through to them was to acknowledge that their behavior made sense: Thoughts of death were sweet release given what they were suffering. "


“acceptance of life as it is, not as it is supposed to be; and the need to change, despite that reality and because of it."

random re-posting

my friend posted this up previously in one of "our formerly existent, but currently being buried in a grave of dust" blog.
"Do you think," she said, "you'll ever write in English?"

"It would be hard choice to make," he said, as though he pondered it often.

"But why would it be a choice?" she asked. "Couldn't you write in both?"

"I don't know," he said. "It may be that languages are like lovers. You can have more than one at a time. But perhaps it is possible to love only one at a time."

Just told my other counsellor about my decision.
---
I've always found it interesting, and really rather annoying, whenever a certain higher management tries to coerce me into doing more work by using ranking as a threat. seriously, it doesn't work, and it's pretty demeaning (to me) to think that i come into my profession with the purpose of rising in my ranks. Not to say promotion or salary scales don't affect me as a person, but ultimately, it would never take the place of the fulfillment of just being able to see someone change in my heart.
but finances are important, because in a giving profession, it's one of the things that justify the amount of giving which is taking place, without burning someone out. like being paid for something that's done takes away the subtle question in the mind of 'why am i giving you so much of myself when you don't even seem to appreciate it at all?'
in church, the purpose behind the giving justifies it, but in a secular setting, payment helps to reduce that question (seeing the person change ultimately helps to reduce that as well). haha.
the matter of fact counsellor speaks. hoho.
on another note, i also find it amusing, and slightly annoying, when i notice people trying to manipulate me with the words they say, or the atmosphere. as if i wouldn't have noticed it, even if they don't -_- people use emotional blackmail a lot more than they realize they do ;)

haha. seeing the different people at the xmas brainstorming session was like seeing a gathering of the different pastoral ministries i've been to. derek reminds me of pre-tertiary, dennis and gwen and jiali and jasmine of youth, charn reminds me of uni-ya.. and what a joy to be able to serve together with them again after so many years :)
like, wow, it's been so many years but it's so heartening to see u all.
haha. quite enjoyed the time as well, i guess i miss having a group of people whom i can bounce ideas off? or somewhere where imagination can be used. i miss the creative process of creating something, and it was rather enjoyable to already have the skeleton out cos i can just add on to it. haha.
was thinking/dreaming about what the theme could possibly be, and the actual thing talked about turned out to be pretty similar to what i thought it would be. thought tt was interesting too. though the focus is slightly different. haha. i thought it would be on sacrifice. hahaa.
looking forward to the days ahead :D

i hate it when something unjust is said towards me, or something unfair about me is said about me when the person doesn't understand the whole long history behind something that's been done.
but i guess sometimes we just have to learn to adopt the words of Jesus in saying
'forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing."
and surely there have been also times when others allow us that benefit of the doubt and forgive us out of grace.
it still irks me though.

Editting my room!

My sister is moving back in with us, so she's decided to clear out her room.
So I've also decided to re-design my room (again). hahaa.
Am going to get a loft bed so that I have more floor space in my room (since I share that space with Chi's litter tray... hahaa)
Am going to create a Chi's corner too! just haven't decided which corner would be good :) hahaha. well. maybe put curtains around the area to seal it? guess it would be nice for chi to hide in too. hahaa. not too sure at this moment. I think a Chi's corner is a slight waste of space considering that it's just one litter tray down there. maybe i can put a storage box underneath? hahahahaa. well. haven't planned out the design.
my room is STILL pretty messy, and i STILL don't have much sense as to how to get it organized. though i'm quite excited about my loft bed :D

has been searching up on part time/summer/au pair jobs in Japan. haha. thinking of doing a bit of internship/work the next time i go to Japan :)
---------------------------------------------------
"You should never counsel your family or friends as you can 't be objective in a close relationship"

hahaa. there was once (some time ago) when I was really peeved, and to help myself manage that anger, i googled up angry enfj.
and found this description rather interesting:
"Level I - The Introversion

- A little rage, minor frustration that I can normally deal with with a little sarcasm, a little venting and talking to a friend
- I become a little passive aggressive --> I can relate to this
- My body movements become stiffer than usual
- I become quiet for a few hours or a day till I find someone to talk to and provide me emotional support i become quiet, but usually i can resolve it myself. usually when i'm talking to someone about it, it means that i'm rather pissed off about it

Level II - The Implosion.

- I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up
- My hands start shaking and I immediately have a strong urge to punch something [not someone -- of course !!]
- Adrenaline rush
- I control these urges as best as I can however
- I feel a strong urge to shout to be heard, but I don't.
- In the end, I become overly sarcastic, overly critical and start speaking in irrational think-speak so far, have happened to me over with regards to one person, and after a lot of disappointments. hurhur
- Sometimes, I actually become extremely cool in this state as well.


Level III - The Explosion
- I feel like I have to destroy the person who hurt me completely
- I do start shouting and screaming to the point where my throat goes sore
- I want to hit out verbally at the other person's deepest insecurities and completely destroy their view of themselves and even malign them in the eyes of others by revealing their deepest darkest secrets that they've trusted me with [but I don't] -->lol. I think this happens in the implosion stage as well.
- In private, I become threatening but to myself and not the other person. I damage myself because of course I can't damage the other person.
- I punch walls with my fists to the point where I've broken my hand, made it bleed [I have many scars] I think this is written by a guy
- I go completely silent after the explosion but once it's out of my system, I become extremely apologetic after and feel guilty for days after oh. i can identify with the completely silent part. I've only exploded twice in my life i think. both towards my family members. quite a couple of years ago. hope the spirit tempered me won't see this happening again.

i guess nowadays i get rather quick in noticing the changes in my mood cos of the meta analysis going on in my head. i think nowadays i seldom experience very big changes in my mood too - thank God. lol

Going for the "Transformation of At-Risk Youths" conference in November. the slogan that was presented to us was 'It's not about what I am now, but what I can be, if you believe in me."
haha.
I guess generally I'm someone who'd look at a person beyond himself/herself now, but there are times when I get so frustrated with the person that I withdraw unto myself, and stop believing in the change that can happen to the person. Though after that the Holy Spirit generally prompts me to rethink and re-evaluate things. I guess seeing the change that happens to me and other people helps me to go on, knowing that God is in control and that the person is ultimately responsible for his/her own response to people and God helps me to go on too. I'd do my part, but it's the other person's choice as to respond or not.

Recently I had quite a scary dream. I dreamt that we were all going through a survival game of some sort (including my sister and my mother). The dream started with me choosing which tunnel (different tunnels present a different sort of obstaces) to go down to, as the wrong tunnel chosen will mean a certain sort of death. I remember running through the tunnel and seeing knives fly.
We were left with 100 people for the 2nd last round. And for the 2nd last round, the instructions given to us was that we have to choose one person out of the 100 to commit suicide O_O
I woke up before we went to the trial, but I remembered that in my dream I was wondering how in the world would we be able to do that, and how it would be if we continued to live knowing that we directly caused that person to die. And if I should volunteer to die instead.
it was a horrible dream, and a horrible question.
Goodness knows why I have this kind of weird dreams.

am in post holiday depression cos i still haven't had time to sit in a quiet cool environment and just ponder about things for the whole day. i guess i really do need quite a bit of time alone afterall.

I think I feel slightly irritated whenever people overemphasize on safety, or on convenience.. I mean, is life meant to be forever safe and things to be convenient?

having not used Gestalt therapy for a period of time, am feeling slightly hesitant about using it, but i guess it's needed for the cases i have now. working with a client who has depression and while considering about what therapy to use with her, gestalt keeps coming to mind.
lol.
excited in a way cos i enjoy using this therapy, and i've seen for myself the effectiveness it can carry, but slightly hesitant cos of the recent lack of use. haha. hope that God will empower me in the session to carry it well :)

today's one of those days that I feel like scolding the angry young boys who'd break their pens just because they're angry at being shouted at.

just finished Kokoro Connect episode 5 :\ a rather heavyish episode (though I thought it would have been interesting to know what Iori's last words for everyone was, other than Taichi...). the twist caught me slightly by surprise.

Conversations About The Gifted Education Program (2012)

I've not finished watching the whole video, but I figured that it would be an interesting insight into how some of the other batches have thought/felt. To this day, it's still hard to believe that I was part of the programme aimed at the top 1% of the cohort as my studying years were entangled and mashed up together with my ADD, as well as a whole range of other weird issues which my classmates were facing. Having said that, I guess what I took away from the programme, was not so much of the academic aspect of it, than the fact that we had much freedom to do the things we wanted, as well as the friendships that we had. I enjoyed doing the independent research project every year, I enjoyed roughing through the days preparing for CHAOs, I enjoyed playing basketball/soccer during every single recess period, and I enjoyed the quirkiness of the people around me. To tell the truth, I really don't remember doing much studying, other than in the months before the examinations.
I guess people who look at the programme will always think of how elitist it is.. for us who've been through it, it would be the fun (and pain) of the programme that stays with us. Nobody ever realized how painful it can be for us (in our growing up years, and even now as adult), to be always looked at with a different set of eyes, to be labelled in a different way. I guess in our hearts, we know we would always be slightly different, and yet, we do face what everyone faces as well.

Imagine you have 10 TV's and 10 radios on different channels and 10 little kids jumping up and down saying "Look at me! Look at me!" all at full volume from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep. The less interesting something is, the less likely you'll be able to keep it in focus. You have to constantly fight to keep yourself on track because you never know what's going to grab your attention next. If something REALLY interesting happens your mind hyper-focuses on it and blocks out EVERYTHING else until the excitement passes. It's pretty much the only time you feel in control.

- written by someone trying to explain how ADHD/add is like. 

Intimate Note - SNSD [Full - English Subs]

laughed all the way. haha. they did this in 2009.

what do u see when you look at a person?
i guess when i see someone, usually the first thing i notice is the potential of that person. haha. so in a way i'm rather blind, i may not totally see a person as how the person is now, but more of how the person can be.
sometimes it takes months. sometimes it takes years, but when the potential is drawn out of that person and finally integrated with the person, i'm like 'ah. it's finally here. hahaa'

a little physically tired now. but my soul is refreshed :D
i guess enfjs are the happiest when they can give. i'm rather happy when i can listen to people whom i know will appreciate me. haha.
-----------
do i have any resentment? haha. no.
-----------
God dropped in me an analogy on going through trials just now :D haha.
that we're like sculptures/statues trapped in marble, and the scalpel/knife to carve (i don't know what the name is) is like the trials that mould us and gets rid of the unnecessary marble such that our shape emerges. going through it is painful cos it chips at us, but the beauty of what is revealed after that is worth the pain :) and God will continue to work on us because He wants to show forth the beautiful work He has in mind when He started to work on the slab of marble, that we'd gradually become more and more of the sculpture He has in mind.
i don't know if it makes sense, but in my head it does, and personally i think that's such a beautiful picture. haha.