today, me and michelle walked from bugis to 2 bus stops away from toa payoh:) it took us around 1 hour. then we took a bus up and realised michelle missed her last bus home by 5 mins. hehehe.

love is patient. so yes. i will be patient:)

we had cg today:) think today's cg is a more open time of sharing and reflecting for the past 2-3 months... i like times of reflection:) it enables pple to slow down, take a step back, get the bigger and more objective picture, learn and move on:) and in doing so, a person's character is built:)
encountered quite a few short tempers today. caused me to want to have a short temper myself. hahaa.
my stress level is going up=] it's not exactly very comfortable, but it's good for me:)

On a less moneyminded note, to kind of do something I've not done in a while due to the extra unexpected amount of cash, I went to watch a movie on impulse=] it happened at 8+pm when I was typing out the minutes and a choice was made in 15 minutes as to whether I should watch a movie or not. Armed with my wallet and my water bottle, i was on my way to the cinema 8 minutes away, when i saw the brother from adults.
I'm sorry, i have to call him the brother from adults because i can't remember his name:S
Yup:) caught up with him for a bit because I've not seen him for a few years... he was nice enough to accompany me to the ticketing booth, and then we settled at macs to chat for a bit. it was at macs, when i saw 2 other sisters from the poly group.. Ace and another sister of whom I do not know the name of:) haha. The whole world has decided to pass by Toa Payoh today. lol.
Turns out the brother saw Jitsy a few weeks back, is now studying information studies in NYP and is in Marcus' CG. After chatting for a while, I voiced the conclusion that God has wired him quite differently from me. He's interested in technical aspects of things.. whereas I'm more intrigued by colours and moldable stuff (e.g. digital media.. like adobe, flash and what-nots). Looking back, it seems as though I've judged too quickly.. 'cos it could be that we're just looking at one aspect of things:)
He decided to watch the 'Simpsons movie' as well.. partly 'cos he's not watched it before, partly to relax a bit after having 2 common tests. hahaa. Seeing that beforehand in school at HQ, I was kinda lamenting to Crystal watching a movie alone kind of defeats the purpose of watching a movie (especially so for a comedy), I thank God that He's sent over a brother for company and for catching up:)

woke up at 4am and realised that i've dozed off and ceased to wake up at 2am. haha. could hear the alarm ringing away in my parents' room as i went to take a bath. Could still hear the alarm ringing away after my bath O.o
Somehow or another, in the recent weeks, it's become clearer and clearer to me that my parents are not exactly very young anymore. And thus, in the recent weeks, the idea of saving up for my parents have kind of gotten stuck in my mind. It's relatively amusing to me when i keep receiving cash from all sorts of sources. Take for example, today at lab meeting. I went in, sat down, and promptly got requested by Dr Tan to sign beside my name to receive a small amount of cash for helping out in the first data collection. I was like 'Is that for me?' And there's another $25 next week to be collected from the computing department =) haha.
Not large sums of money, just pretty unexpected gifts of cash that were presented to me. And so, with the thought of having to save up in mind, I was evaluating to see if I would be able to survive now should my parents actually cease to be on this earth anymore (which has become more of a possibility now that my parents are aging more and more, and that my dad has recently started to forget a few things here and there. He's getting older:) Of course, the conclusion is that I can't survive on my own with my current savings. lol. Perhaps for a while, yes. but definitely not for long. Will probably have to quit going to school and work in MOE or something :)
What's the conclusion to the entire post?
It's important to save up xD

btw, instead of 'refresh'... mozilla terms it as 'reload'-ing. kinda breaks the sleekness of the whole skin 'cos it reminds me of the times when the game 'house of the dead (1 or 2)' will actually shout out 'reload! reload!' if you try to press the trigger after the shots have all been fired. lol

mozilla firefox has caused me to be very happy=) haha. all the add-ons and customizations. hahaa. and i've just realised that i can change the colour of my desktop bar:) i know i'm slow. i'm sorry. haha.
here's a screenshot of what i see now. pleasure for my tired eyes (from reading journals. xD)

will be tweaking it over the next few days:) just as how i'm packing up my desktop and my room (O.o) before school starts. the act of organizing things is making me quite delighted. hahaa.
on a side note, i don't know why people don't like the black design of ibm=] doesn't it look nice being all black and box-y? haha. it's just like a clean slate of charcoal, ready to scratched and designed. beauty of another kind:)
(and yes, i'm trying to avoid going back to Chiat. Gathercole and Alloway was of an easy and leisurely read.. but Chiat is not very palatable in the middle of the morning)

Thurs was lab meeting and outing to blu jaz=] friday was meet hweefung and read book day=] haha.
somehow or another, i enjoyed thursday's lab meeting:) i reached there slightly earlier and saw steph's car on the road along the way. went to the psych meeting room and saw that it was empty, then muttered to myself 'am i the first one here?' i got a reply from behind me 'no, you're not.'
fitriani was there before me:) hahaa. chatted with her for a bit.. i've never really talked to her before.. so it was on thurs that i realised that she's a mother (of 2, as i later learned).. whereby her oldest child is already 12 years old O.o haha. she's applied for masters in nie.. so amazing:) (let me digress for a little.. weezi's also very amazing. she's thinking of going on to masters in York as well!:D haha.)
yup. then steph came and opened the door. yay:)
as i said, i enjoyed it:) haha. i think it's 'cos for the first time, i realised that i'm doing an irp under phonological representation (was lamenting to iso that i didn't know that till thurs when Dr Tan nicely drew up that linking thing. we've decided to update each other on our research:) she's doing an ism under Dr Tsai Fen Fang.. social lab). hahaa. i've also realised that i actually do understand what Dr Tan was talking about when she presented her paper! the stuff about the infants before 10 months being able to differentiate between all the sounds and subsequently attenuating to the sounds within their language more and blah. the study steph presented reminded me of stats 2. hahaha. and i'm really glad i didn't throw everything back to the prof. hahah.
ah. but a call from jitsy, and subsequently a comment from Dr Tan caused me to realise that a lot of people are not around me in this sem.. and possibly in the next sem as well:) haha. pple such as jits (in shanghai), nianying (going off to canada?)and steph (going off to texas). actually not a lot ah. just feels strange i suppose. haha.
athifa just came back from the maldives=) and she went on a submarine trip! hahaa. beautiful pictures she was showing me.. pictures of a very very blue sea.
---
recently i realised that my way of showing love is through acts of service and gifts. haha. but i feel weird if pple keep saying thanks. so. erm. if you receive anything from me, or if you need help, just ask me. k?=]

sengkim sent me this link:)

this is the link

somehow it doesn't look very appealing at first.. but gradually somehwere along the way, it holds you in and at the end, tears which were not supposed to appear came along too.

Another lesson learned:) After recovering, give self a day or two to rest and fully recover before overexerting self again. hahaa.

Limits can be broken=]
but dun break too much of the physical limit.. 'cos ur body is ultimately the temple of God:) need to take good care of it. haha.
think i overexerted myself on sat.. when i slept for 2 hrs and woke up at 6 to send jits off.. then the ALIVE! programme.. then walked ard with the adult grp and some non adults grp pple (learned that we have a to-be-married couple in our midst !! and a super smart guy who can guess all my riddles! haha) and after that found nicholas, minchen and crystal and walked ard with them too=] then service (which was great! haha) and after that... dinner at this taiwan place, then took same bus home with john.
on sunday morning, i woke up 'not that happily' to a discomfort in my chest and a uncomfortable feeling of nausea=S when i woke up again at 9+, i realised that i can't get out of bed... too weak. so on sunday, i cancelled two appointments with pple and one tuition:S symptoms were as follows: nausea (which led to vomitting), fatigue (slept for whole day in bed), slight diarrhoea, general weakness (of the body) and lack of appetite (i ate 2 fishballs, one apple, one pear for the whole day. then proceeded to vomit them all out=D then ate a pill for nausea before managing to eat some porridge and cai xin at 11.45pm. caixin has never tasted so delicious. hahaha). tried to use the comp a few times, but attempts only left me weaker than before.. had to reply smses and what nots.. slept worrying about how to go to school to hand in my proposal form for irp.. and get dr tan to sign it. haha
thank God for michelle=] she was one of the people i cancelled the appointment with.. think she was praying for me throughout the day. haha. thanks for your prayers!
thank God for my mum too=] she was taking care of me the whole day. helping me to off the lights.. cooking the porridge for me, asking if i have fever and all that. thanks for trusting me to sleep it through too. hahaa. i really needed the sleep.
thank God for my dad. especially today.. when he sent me to school to hand in the IRP form.. and subsequently waited for me to send me back home. was still weak from being sick.. taking the nausea pill doesn't hide the fact that i haven't eaten anything much in the past 36hours. my body was breaking out in cold sweat just by walking from Dr Tan's office to my dad's lorry. haha.
thank God for hweefung too. the second person whom i broke an appointment with. cldn't meet her up today either 'cos of IRP form handing in, most resting and alpha prog celeb. haha.
and thank God for Dr Tan. haha. think she's very accomodating and reassuring=] thank you for being so reassuring! (though you prob won't see this. haha)
yup.
loved the ESS on saturday. the skit.. think zhichun and guanrui were really brilliant in their acting.. dorling and serene and joshua were great as supporting actors and actresses.. weilong was great in his mm editting, jiadai was great in her floor managering and i/c of the whole ess, zhenzhong was great in his directing and recording, hongyao was great in his recording and derek was great in his song writing! hahaa. the two songs sung in service were both written by him! (lyrics and tune=D) it was hilarious, with a pinch of a serious note. very entertaining. very class=] thumbs up to u all! xin ku le!
loved the ALIVE programme too=] could see everyone working together.. even though everyone's a volunteer.. everyone still put in a lot of effort to make the first session a memorable one. was quite surprised by the kids as well=] they're surprisingly responsive to us. hahaa. my group was in charge of 4 kids.. but only two (khairul and ramadan) turned up. khairul is super friendly.. haha. ramadan is a bit quieter=) but the reception was much warmer than expected. haha. i think something which really stuck to us was when we told the kids that we'll see them in a month's time.. and some actually replied that we (the volunteers) 'won't come back one'. guess it's really true that they may be sick and tired of volunteers who go there once and then disappear for the rest of their lives. the Alive! progamme seeks to debunk that.. to be there for one entire year. let's do our best for these children!=] and invest our lives in theirs.. such that they can do the same to others as well:)
- it only takes a spark, to keep the fire going-
alpha programming celeb=] i echo bowen's thoughts ba.. wishing that it was a deeper and longer time of sharing. but yup.. hope to have the chance to serve with you all again (timothy, ellson, huanyan, bowen, ruixia, venetia and joyce lim:). really enjoyed the time.. haha. and really learned a lot from each individual... and about myself as well.
heh. (and only God will know the full extent of what this 'heh' actually comprise of. hhaha)
oh yes. thanks to ellson for treating! lol.

today is an interesting day=] today we went to ntu for filming! haha.
Got the chance to know a few ntu brothers and sisters a bit more.. people like wilson, manmi, johnathan, hongyao=D hahaa.
probably left them with the impression that nus sisters are mad. oh well=]
first time walking nicely around ntu's north and south spine. hahaa. why is ntu so nicely decorated? haha. while nus looks quite like a university...
first time eating at Quad's (issit spelt this way?:)
first time filming at an ntu busstop..
first time standing in the middle of the road to read a book. hahaa.
quite excited for ESS this sat=] hope all goes well!
may the name of the Lord be glorified=]
---
then had cg meetup with dai for some sowing stuff. and subsequently went up mount faber to The Jewel Box's altivo bar with joyce to join jitsy and her cg for her farewell=] the scenary was really beautiful.. haha. appreciation pleasure=] something which is unexpected suddenly awes you.. and stirs up an appreciation within you=]

i feel tired. haha. think it's the alcohol.
plan. type. plan. bathe. sleep.

there's something within me that's stirring up emotions.
a beyond within me that is hard to put into words. a gentle swirl of emotions evoked when i saw the dead cat on the wet grass beside the road. when i heard about a sister from sengkim. news that shocked and stunned me.

ohoh! I realised something else these days=]
Realised that I've got a lot of seniors/schoolmates around me in Hope. hahaha.
let's start with JC!
In descending order of age...
NYJC (first three months) - Jan (didn't know him in JC), Zhenzhong (chinese society senior! haha. thought he'll deny it:P) , Carrie (bball senior!), Bowen (eh. indirect bball senior? 'cos guys team:S) , Jessie (same class in first three months. LOL).
VJC (after first three months) - Timothy (when I went in, he was already out), Swee Leong (same thing as Timothy), Joseph (used to meet up once a week. Can't remember for what le), Jitsy (lalala).
NYGH - Jiadai (one year older), Jitsy, Guanzhen, Ziwei (junior from gep), Ruisi (junior)
Poi Ching primary - Eng Hao (1 year older! hahaa), John (same year school mate)

Actually, I just knew about Eng Hao a few days ago, when we were going back home from Alpha camp. He knows Xuanrong (headprefect of the yr before mine, as well as being in wushu with me as well)! hahaa. so strange. hahaa.
Interesting, ya?=]

Been slightly behind time for my IRP. gotta hand in proposal by end of month and I've yet to do it up=] haha. then have yet to finish reading my dear beloved journals as well. And now there're 2 more journals for me to read 'cos of a lab meeting with this professor from another university next thurs noon. i feel a bit funny being the only undergraduate to be in the meeting. somehow i keep wondering if i'm supposed to be there. hahaa. In a way, i guess i've been given a lot of opportunities to know much more about this field (the field of psycholinguistics) and be able to expose myself to different people involved in this field of research. really thank God for this opportunity. haha. but on the other hand, i sometimes wonder if it's all too much for me. lol. i mean, going for the same lab meeting as ur lecturer to listen to another lecturer about her research in the field of psycholinguistics is kinda odd when you're going to attend the lecturer's module next semester and you have not even taken the core module of cognitive psychology (which is what psycholinguistics is based on). And i think I'm supposed to present on my IRP topic some time in september to the people in the lab meeting. the thought of it is not exactly very comforting=] hahaa. dr tan grinned happily when the thought of it crossed her mind though. lol.
gotta really thank God for how far He has brought me through to=] from promos in J1, to A levels in J2, getting into NUS psych despite my interesting grades and now being involved in research and having the chance to dabble deeper into the field... God, You're really bringing me into unknown zones which I myself do not even know if i can go into. haha. and all of a sudden, the difference between the modules in year 2 and year 3 is so wide! haha.
i'm entering year 3 with much anticipation, fear and trepidation. waiting upon God to see how He's gonna bring me through (think it'll be quite interesting:D)
yup. coming to the end of the holidays=] all the best people=]

Alpha is officially over. 4 sessions and 1 camp. over. and as venetia says.. there doesn't seem to be a finale in the heart. there isn't a finale in my heart as of yet either.. though slowly, gradually, yes. i understand. it's over.
as timothy puts it, sowing will continue on. but alpha.. it really is over.
somehow or another, i still feel as if we'll be having 9am meetings that last till 4pm.. the typing out of minutes in Tahoma font size 10, the preparing for things on friday before the sessions, the various phonecalls made in the middle of the night to settle things around.. the smses from timothy or ruixia or venetia or joyce to discuss about stuff. the gathering of people to come out with new and innovative ideas. the fellowship that comes with it. the meeting together in the programming room, preparing things, feeling tired, frustrated, yet having the joy to go on, encouraging one another, getting to know one another.
the sustenance by God throughout the late nights and early mornings (or in the event of no sleep at all), the ideas given by God at 3+ in the morning due to a change of plans and withdrawing of people right before Prison break even when we've reached the brink of fatigue, the reminders by God to the moulding of character even when the body feels tempted to sin...encouraged by sisters and brothers who slept for less than 2hrs in 2 days, have another camp after this, have diarrhoea and still continued to host excellently for God...
to reminisce of all these.
i thank You, my dear God.. for this rare chance.

some photos taken by venetia:)

From left: Venetia, Me, Ruixia and Joyce(Lim)

From left: Huanyan, Bowen and Timothy

=] the programmers! technically ellson is also inside.. but poor ellson is stuck in his job. hahaa.

-When i look into Your holiness
when i gaze into Your loveliness
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
when my will becomes enthralled in Your love
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
the reason I live
Is to worship You-

worship, ascribing worth unto God.

speaking of temperaments, recently i redid the temperament test. just for the fun of it. and my results showed that i'm a sang cho instead. i hereby conclude tt the test is not very accurate=] because i dun think i'm choleric.
haha=]
i'm so looking forward to alpha camp! hahaa. looking forward to see the activities unfold, to see the plot unfold, to see the lives unfold=] looking forward to the enjoyable time of games, of joyful fatigue, of thoughtful reflections, of sharing lives together=] quite proud of the alpha camp. hahaa. 'cos it contains the elements of an orientationg camp (with the sincere intention to allow the freshmen to get to know each other and the seniors), yet among the rara-ness, there's also the element of thought, whereby together we can consider about some questions about life=] therein lies the element of something that's deeper than mere games and chatting. not saying that games and all that ain't good.. hahaa. it's just that if it's all there is, then it's kinda shallow, ain't it? =]
using activities to fill up the hole in the heart... then at the end of the day, when the activities end, all things remain the same. for temporal stuff can never fulfill the eternal need we have.

koped from zhenzhong!

Let's share a few interesting things around my life these days=]
1) Alpha Session 3
- OOh. I love this session! hahaa. Love the game (of getting KiaLokes to be in Asia room to guide the teams through the phone to form a map of the prison. whaha)
- I love the sharing by Claramae! Lots of stories, examples, analogies=D

2) Jitsy on the train to Woodlands.
- This silly girl. heard the ringtone that goes 'I'm gonna give you Gatsby... Gatsby...' from another girl on the train and formulated the idea of asking the girl to bluetooth the song to her. In the end, she really asked the girl! haha. the girl's quite friendly=) and guess what? the interesting thing is.. she got the ringtone by asking someone on the train to bluetooth it to her too!
Maybe this can be a new form of advertisement=D

3) Sleepover at yengyong's house with jitsy, yingxin and of course, yengyong. lol.
- We watched Paris, Je t'aime in the middle of the night. Not a good choice to watch in the middle of the night.. 'cos need to figure out what each short story is sharing about. OOOH. but i love the way they shot it and the presentation style. so brilliant!
- Breakfast buffet in the morning was not as exciting as it sounded. haha. but it's the company which perks me up=D

4) Combined team rally on sunday.
- I love the praise and worship! the gathering of believers enthusiastic for God and His purpose!

5) On the bus back home on Sunday.
- Went on the bus, and was asked by the bus driver if I know Chinese. LOL. apparently there're people who didn't where exactly they wanna go, and they speak in Chinese.. the bus driver was an indian (chinese-nonspeaking one..). so i became the interpreter=)

Yup. that's all=]

I think we're much busier during the holidays than during school term=] It kind of trains you up to be more and more diligent.
I've realised a few things about my working style ever since last semester. Self-awareness i suppose. Knowing myself so that I can be more effective in serving God - sober judgement of my weaknesses and strengths.
I realised that while I'm more effective doing things individually than in a group, I am even more effective doing things in pairs than individually. And it'll help if I can constantly communicate with the person (e.g. talking) 'cos talking helps me to organise my thoughts and having another person doing it with you reassures me.
IRP is kind of throwing me off my track. haha. Got an email from Dr Tan and I haven't replied her 'cos I don't know if my study is on track or not. Feels a bit lost 'cos I haven't really concretize my methodology for the experiment. And yet i have the feeling i can concretize it in one day if i really sit down and read and think about it. However, I've not finished reading my journals.. so if I go and do the experiment now, it may be a waste of time 'cos I didn't even concretize my exact objectives in mind. hmm. On one hand, I don't want to miss out on this pool of people and the chance to just integrate my study into already-done experiment. On the other hand, I'm not prepared enough to tap on this pool of people. In short,
I'm kinda lost. XD
And i just remembered a journal i need to read for the lab meeting. hoohoo. talk about being scatterbrained!
Oh by the way, I realised that (realised this some time ago) that I have a spectrum of behaviour for stress.
Mild stress (to me, my definition of mild stress and others' definition may be slightly different. haha) --> Hyped up. Challenge.
Moderate stress --> Zonk out. Distract self. Run away.
Extreme stress (e.g. tmr need to hand in report, today haven't do) --> Chiong. Do things quite effectively. But will die the next few days. hahaa.

so actually, mild stress is good for me. LOL. okay.
goodnight=]