i'm not an oyster.
who can open up its vulnerable flesh to the ocean
and allow a sand particle which irritates it
to remain in itself
and turn into a pearl

i feel more like a porcupine
who has shown the underside
and got hurt badly
and now all i feel like doing
is to curl up into a ball
and do the same to others

and i'm engaged in a constant fight
of the choice between loving and loathing
of forgiving and bearing grudges
of ministering and withdrawing
of staying through the pain
and just taking the easy way out of running away

now i can understand why she thought of changing service
now i can understand why they will cut themselves
now i can understand why she just needed company in the night
now i can understand why she was bitter
now i can understand why she could not forgive her for some time

now i understand why certain things were written in certain ways
now i understand why she wanted to leave and run away

not to say that i've won the fight.
hahaha.
i think i'm in denial
and still running away
and still making sense of it
thank God i made decisions previously
in the sane and comfortable state which i was in
i made certain decisions in the case of different scenarios
and i really pray that i will stick by them at this moment:)

and a friend's a friend forever
if the Lord's the Lord of them

once a shepherd, always a shepherd. haha.
(joyce says i'm a loyalist. i dun think so lehhhhhhhh
or maybe i am. hmm O.o
what's a loyalist anyway? o.O)

glad to see that everyone is growing though :)
though I know not and comprehend not fully as to why i'm going through what i'm going through,
with God i know that pain has a purpose :)