I just wok up form a 1am nap crash :)
hahhaa
i've been trying to nap at 1am/12.30am, and wake up 30 mins later. but for 4 nights in a row (someone can ascertain to that) i've crashed and slept all the way to 5.50am. today i woke up at 10am. hahaa. though i did remember waking up at 6+ to check my phone and read 2 messages. hahahaa.
guess i had quite a heavy week before this. not that it was extremely heavy in terms of workload, but rather, i did a lot of thinking through this week. mentally and emotionally heavy?
sadly, at this moment, i feel not as productive in terms of journal output as my previous days, though i do feel awake, with probably a slight tinge of grogginess.
and this morning i realized that perhaps i managed to step out of denial. i made a decision yesterday evening, after spending 2 hours in shokudo (and i think i saw a Hope brother with his colleagues) finishing up 'Drawing Near' by John Bevere (not an easy read 'cos it challenges you in your spiritual intimacy with God, though not doctrinally heavy, like our dear Philip Yancey) and subsequently just thinking things through.
i was sharing with the cg yesterday about how this week i'm very convicted about the need for discipline, and i shared to them about polyphasic sleep. haha :) now i'm actually wondering if it's actually possible for me to go through the adjustment period in June to polyphasic, considering that my naps at 1am have always been rather unsuccessful. hhahahaa.
perhaps it might help if my nap's not on the bed, but on the sofa instead? :) or that it's not in darkness? or just in my chair? something to consider i guess :)
haha.
it was a week of consolidating and thinking through what i really want, how i really want to do things.
i was reminded of the fact that i've only got one life to live. i'm already 24! and though i've achieved a large part of what i had on my mental checklist (e.g. take psychology, work in a related profession, do up my own experiments under Dr Tan...), i am way far behind in my understanding of God and my intimacy with Him. but then again, this kinda thing a bit hard to plan ah? hahaa. i guess in a way, God is bringing me through an amazing journey :) not to say that it's comfortable. i realized that God likes to place people whom i dislike/had a conflict with/will cause me to be out of my comfort zone in some way or another around me (not to say that they're not lovely people, they are! it's just that you know sometimes there're people whom u naturally feel more comfortable with, and people whom you don't 'cos of personality differences). but at the end of the day, we won't grow much if we're always in our comfort zones, won't we :)
though sometimes it'd take an extended period of griping/grumbling/denying/sighing/running away/being indignant/angry/sad/upset before one comes to the realization :)

i love Jesus.

i love Jesus 'cos in the that kind of extended period, I get reminded of His anguish at the garden of Gethsemane. lol. i get reminded that discipline (which is a dirty word sometimes in the world) is for growth and there's a purpose for it.
as mentioned before.

there's a purpose behind pain when Jesus is in my life!

:)