heh. drinking JJ's Hawton drink now (san1 cha1 shui3)..tastes horrendous. hahaha:D quite disgusting. and it's a product of singapore! gosh. if all the companies in singapore try to be unique and produce drinks like that...i have a feeling that our bop deficit will get even worse. hahah:D
a very distracting day today. hahaha. had jits and joycelyn over to my house downstairs study room to study but well...i think it's quite a disastrous combination to put the three of us together. coupled with the fact that it's an afternoon! i can't study well in afternoons! makes me sleep! hahahaa. but evening came and jitsy went and it got much better. hahaha:)
gosh. joce just asked me a respiration qn. which reminds me. i can't remember anything about respiration! disastrous. hahaha:D
there were three girls in the study room imitating someone else and pretending to be really depressed over something when they weren't:P so naughty.

'bedshaped'--- keane

Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of your old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do

Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll follow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped
And legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

very inspired by today's stewardship teaching...and fired up 'cos of pastor jeff's teaching. and God really probed in my heart an area which i have been holding on to far too much:P my computer time.
it was a great time just praising, worshipping and adoring the Lord today. just Him being the -centre of our focus-!:D hahaha.
-You're my rock yeahyeah
You're my refuge
You're my hope yeahyeah
and my future-
really wanna mean what i sing
-as a pleasing sacrifice
Lord i offer You my life-

what am i doing being awake at such an hour? all thanks to the dear adorable resident mosquito:P
trying to justify why mosquitoes are on earth. here are a few reasons:
1) to provide as a food source for lizards (either in the house or in the wild ---not that there's much 'wild' in singapore to talk about:D)
2) to act as an alternative source of blood transfusion. or plasma transfusion. or goodness knows what kinda transfusion
3) to spur us on to think creatively (eg. thinking of why they exist)
yeah:D
let me try to go back and sleep. zZz.

maia got out? O_o

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me..." (the Apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21-22, niv).

Several years ago one grandmother I know sold off the old family home, pulled up her roots, left many of her friends and activities behind, and moved to a retirement village in another town. She had been healthy and energetic all her life, but in the last year after her move she aged considerably and developed a terminal illness.

At age 65 another friend of mine retired from being a full-time minister of a large church and set up a full-time counseling center and wrote his first book. His book became a bestseller and he has since written ten more. At age 80 he had slowed down but was still counseling and writing.

What made the difference between these two people? Like many elderly people who retire or move to another place, the first person suffered deeply from the loss of friends, her home of many years, and the activities she was used to. She became lonely and life for her seemed to lose its meaning. She had no real purpose to carry her through this time of major change and readjustment.

The second person, however, had something to live for long before his retirement. He just continued it after "retirement."

Loneliness, emptiness, and boredom are all a very real part of modern man's dilemma. They are indicative of our failure to find meaning and purpose for living and they show up in the high divorce rate, the alarming abuse of alcohol and other drugs, and in the high depression and suicide rate.

In America, for example, the most affluent country on earth, some 40,000 people take their own lives each year while it is estimated that ten times that number attempt
to. That means in our country one person out of every 6,000 commits suicide each year. And there are countless others who, while living in the midst of abundance, to quote Henry D. Thoreau, live lives of "quiet desperation."

The tragedy in life, however, is not death, but rather, as Albert Schweitzer once said, "what dies inside a man while he lives." A person dies inside when he has no meaningful purpose outside of himself for which to live."

"Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might" (Ecclesiastes 9:10, niv).

It is purpose--not wealth or success--that makes life worthwhile. Purpose makes even drudgery acceptable and is an immunization against many sicknesses. How then can we
find more meaning and purpose to life? The following tips can help:

Getting out of yourself. Another grandmother I know had a large family to bring up and was widowed rather reasonably early in life. She had her share of heartaches but never allowed these to get her down. She lived a full and active life and had a wonderful gift for passing on cheer to those around her. Her secret was helping other people. She was an active member of her church and had a deep conviction that
one of the basic purposes of the church was to help people less fortunate than herself.

No matter how busy we are or how many problems we have, we can all find little ways to bring cheer to those around us--like bringing home a rose for your wife, a special
treat for the children, a favor for a neighbor. Visit someone who is shut-in. Write a note, use your telephone, or send an email to tell a friend you appreciate him or
her. Words of encouragement and acts of kindness do wonders for both the giver and the receiver.

A vital part of finding happiness and contentment is found in discovering something more important than yourself to believe in, by helping others, and by directing your
thoughts and actions towards them. Egotists are seldom happy.

Love and friendship are also essential for giving life meaning and purpose. Without wholesome relationships, which give us a sense of belonging, we live as islands alone in a very large universe.

So take time for friends. They are a priceless asset in life. "Do you want to make friends?" asks Dale Carnegie, who gives the following advice. "Be friendly. Forget
yourself. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

And remember, as another has said, "the person all wrapped up in himself makes a mighty small package."

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31, niv).

Another way for enriching your personal life is by investing your life in a worthwhile cause. Everybody needs something to live for that is bigger than him or herself--a noble or worthwhile cause into which he can put his best efforts.

A few years ago I was going through a particularly difficult time. Had it not been for both my work and an outside project, I'm sure I would have cracked under the
strain. My work is helping people discover broader personal and spiritual values and my outside project was building my own home--both worthwhile causes.

A creative use of one's talents is also essential for giving meaning to life. God gave us all talents to use. When we aren't using them, we feel unfulfilled.
One man I know was very successful in his work but he was feeling very unfulfilled in it. He felt his job was too small and that he wasn't using his best talents. So he took the risk, quit his job and went back to college to train for the work he really wanted to do. He struggled for several years but today he has built a work that is helping many people and this has greatly enhanced his purpose for living.

This is why I believe it is important to discover what your best talent is (or talents are), get the training you need to sharpen that talent, and find a place where you can use it--either in your job, in a hobby, in your church, or with a volunteer organization. God's purpose for your life will definitely involve the use of your gifts and talents in ways to help others.

Faith, hope, and charity. The poet Goethe lists nine requisites for meaningful living. They are as follows: "Health enough to make work a pleasure. Wealth enough to
support your needs. Strength enough to battle with difficulties and overcome them. Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them. Patience enough to toil until
some good is accomplished. Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor. Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others. Faith enough to make real the things of God. Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future."

There is, I am sure, no greater way to increase your hope for the future and enrich your personal life than by learning to love others more fully, by developing a vital
faith in God, and discovering and fulfilling your God-given life purpose. Why not tell God right now that you want to do that and confirm your decision by becoming more involved as a volunteer in community service, a mission organization, and/or in your church or chapel. If you are not involved in a local church, ask God to help you find the church that is right for you.

yet another one:

this is my pink piggy staring up. sitting on the table........

this is what happens when you take a break from reading former bio practicals and suddenly glance upon the tigger on your desk:D


and upon adding a background...



here's another:

I am truly passionate.

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

my kitchen currently has no cupboards:D it has no plate, no spoons, no detergent. it has only one sink, one mirror and one refrigerator. hahaha:D and once again, my living quarters is confined to my dear adorable messy room:D and my desk has no light. hahahha.

just came back home. hahaha. what a tiring day:)
was on the bus with grace on the way home...with another of her band friend. corny pple! nice talking to grace 'cos haven't talked to her for some time. hahaa. she's funny. cracks me up. i was asking her how melody is...and then she was like sharing about how melody is staying in the same hostel house with some singaporeans (she's in australia now...) and the singaporeans are like...really pampered at home. haha. so there was this girl, she was trying to cook an egg, she switched on the stove, put on the pan and cracked the egg. what's missing? the fire! and she insists that gas can cook an egg.
and another girl, she came home and then she was like 'why's there so much gas? who's trying to kill us? who? who??!'
i was like. oh gosh! hahaha. it's quite amusing the way she narrates it. and her band friend stays at bukit timah. i didn't know..so i asked him where he stays. and he was like 'very near toa payoh' and i was like 'wherE?' and he said 'bukit timah..very near. just across the road.' and then i was like 'across the road?' and he says 'yah. PIE':P
oh! and david yeo stays at the unit beneath grace...and sylvester used to go to david's house and they'll sing the whole block off. hahaha:D
and of course. we both agree that jeassea is good. *nods to self*
anyway. i feel so bad! hahaha. i borrowed jiali's maths promos paper to practice...and i couldn't find it this morning to return to her! hahaha. and in using up the time to find it, i was still stuck at home at 8am. hahaa. and i was supposed to meet mr chan at 8.30am. hahaha. changed the appointment to 9.30am. then i missed the bus... and reached school only at... 9.50am 'cos i thought i could take the dustbin way but it was locked. hahaha:D
oh! writing an econs essay in merely 35 mins can get you 16 marks! but mr chan says my macro essays seem to have the points...but is not direct enough. like i have the points but it's kinda faint, there but not there, enough to get me through but not a good grade. gotta improve!
and then there was bio. bio was good. refreshed my memory. hahaa. combination of august cum mrs teo cracks me up too. and then i decided to sit in for gp 'cos i tend to remember what i hear better. yeah. got mr lee to evaluate my essay too:P he says that i should be chewing an a grade by now. but 'cos i'm very naughty. never follow what he says in class. thus my scope and balance still needs practice. ah well. i realise i tend to be micro, not really macro. which is BAD. with a huge capital B! italicized and bold. with flashing neon lights around it.
anyway. it's quite tiring 'cos econs was 30mins (to get mr chan to discuss and mark my essays!), bio was 2 hours and gp was another 2. gosh. my brain. hahaha. saturation kinetics.

just came back from my 7-11 trip:D to get mashed potato and 100-plus and pretzel bits and mashed potato again and coffee. to keep me up to finish up my 2 econs essay and maybe study even more! hahahaha. saw yewluck...heh. he said hello before i even realised he was there. strange. 'cos in school we dun say hi to each other. hahaa. i asked him if he was studying till so late. he said he just came back home. hohoho.
out of impulse and curiosity, i went to http://xiaxue.blogspot.com and nearly fainted. it was worse than mr lee seemed to have described. haha. dun go. she'll just remind you of the queen in snow-white and the seven dwalves.
neighbours came to my house just now to look at the finished toilet. house felt like it's under display. hahaha:D

Mayonnaise Jar and Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided,I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room >for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18 holes once in a while. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -the things that really matter."
"Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked," he said. "It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a
friend."

cat's sleeping in my room right now...hehehe. bathroom and toilet are done! yeah:D finally! hahaha. still no lights nor heater though:) and still no kitchen:D hahaha:D it's like the only purpose for the kitchen is to bathe and go to the toilet.
was on the bus when i saw vj girls and one of the girls was sitting in a very odd manner and when she opens her mouth, gosh. lots of. hmm. dirt. pretty girls with a foul mouth turn pple off. it's like polluting the language itself. it's already bad enough that we don't really have a strong command of how the language goes (which is really quite sad. hahaha:D but i guess it can't really be helped. i would love to learn more about different languages)...but to actually further destroy it. sigh. and it doesn't even sound nice:P it's like adding dirt to a beautiful piece of art.

heh. we came to the end of the Acts series yesterday!:D sparked off a lot of thinking. the race. really hope to see everyone ending the race together too:) that we can say for certain that we WILL see each other for eternity. that truly, a friend's a friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them. race on. for no obstacle is too great when Jesus is with you.
studied with joycelyn today. think i'm very distracting. hahaha. forgot to bring my dear adorable econs tys so can't do my econs essay. did maths and bio:) can't wait for maths session with mr ho to clear up complex numbers and stats. wrote a lot of nonsense/non-nonsense on joycelyn's paper. upside down. my upside down handwriting is really improving.
the cat which keeps coming to my house for food and shelter is VERY NAUGHTY. she was in the house, then i was patting her. then i saw a flicker of shadow going past the door and i was like 'eh? what's tt?' then i saw ANOTHER CAT (black and white) outside the door. gosh. then the cat which keeps coming to my house saw and ran outside to scratch tt cat. so bad! cat fight:P had to really restrain the cat which keeps coming to my house. and she was growling away. naughty cat.
i really like my new windows. dun have to open them to see the scenery outside:) silent barrier.

this is my class:D

this is from mr ho. hahaha. hohoho merry christmas:D encouraging?:)

'hmmm, can't remember if i said this... BUT, yes, it's good to try your best for A level preparation. Many of you are also gearing towards an A for Math. Good! BUT, fact of life is, not all of you will get A's. So be realistic. Don't be disappointed too if that happens to you. 5 years down the road, who cares what your results are. Believe me when I say that while I may be disappointed FOR you, I will NOT be disappointed WITH you. Ok? 'cos now and then I will have students coming forward (esp during release of A level results) to 'apologise' for 'disappointing' me. ??? All of you are individuals and results don't say much about u.'

yeah! i'm back home!:D hahahaha. how fun:D hahaha. i have my own room back! okay. and new windows:D *peers at windows* new restructure room after As. that's good.
farewell assembly yesterday! another 2 years gone, just like that. wow. i thought i'll never see this day, but it has already come and go. quite an amusing presentation put up by the fac caps and the bands and anu and his friend. haha. and draco is the champion house of the year! hahaha. my class is extra proud 'cos we're supposed to be a strong class:D hahaha.
mass dance was a little disappointing 'cos they didn't start with whiney whiney. whiney whiney brings everyone together..ah well. and they didn't have neutron dance...so sad. hahaha. we were hoping to dance our hearts out for the last time but ah well.
mr chan was very funny during the ct session. he was like 'must look at all of you one more time' haha. and then he went 'i won't miss you all now. i'll miss you all when you're gone.' awww. he says we're the naughtiest class he's had. then said something about how he used to envy those teachers who teach S1 classes 'cos apparently they're all very guai and how apparently econs with bio is a different matter. hahaha. subversive elements, niece, nonsense and all, i think he'll still miss our class:P hahaa.
took lots of photos with everyone around. heh. junior class was quite sweet, bought us cake. coffee cake:P i have no comments on their choice of cake. but nevertheless, the cake looked well decorated.
i'm starting to miss jc life already. hahahahaha. it really felt like a shotgun relationship with the school or something. gosh. feelings can of course, be deceiving too:)
the j1s this year are SO DIFFERENT from us. gosh. dunno how to comment on it. wonder what vj will become. and this year's sec 4s are... well. dunno what to say also. wonder why the feel differs from year to year. siao, sien, sian and slack really describe my batch really well:P

very interesting. i'm quite confused about a lot of things right now. hahahha. the telephone game is going on.
anyway, borrowed sloman and this apparently very good bio textbook. since i'm deprived of my dear adorable notes, i figured this is the best way to get some studying done while i'm in my aunt's house with its conducive studying environment. i wonder if i've typed this out before, but there was a quote at the back of the door of the room i'm staying in now which says 'the ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term, is the indispensible prerequisite for success.'
yeah:D
zara was telling us about how her friend is engaged and getting married next yr in tues and it's an arranged engagement and even though the guy is 20 and is a businessman and is quite good looking, her friend was crying everyday 'cos she didn't want to get married. and lubna is getting engaged next year and how it's supposed to be this year but she rejected all the offers of proposal. gosh. how scary. i'm glad i'm not from some wealthy family in india or pakistan or iran or something.like. what? u get married now? so many more things to do:P yeah well. poor girl.
-yeah thunder only happens when it's raining
players only love you when they're playing
women, they will come and they will go
when the rain washes you clean you'll know
you'll know-

at home now!
i'm missing my home. hahaha. or rather the convenience of my home. had to come back everyday to get worksheets i need.
buying food has turned from something adventurous, to quite a burden. gotta think of what food to eat, what foods not to eat...it's still all about the balance. hahaha:D which means... conscious taking in of more vegetables and fruits! a horror to some people:D
it's really true. when you have more freedom, you'll tend to set the rules yourself. lord of the flies. how to survive with no rules??? my life will go absolutely haywire:)
colour scheme for this sat is orange! yeah! hahaha.
but i really wanna thank God for my aunt. heh. really ah. if it's not for her house, my sister and i would have to stay in a hotel room for one whole week. or rather 10 days. hahahaha. sounds so cool right. i stay in a hotel;)
ohhhhhhhhhhhh
tummyache. time to go aunt's house.

we just had a 2 hour maths session with mr ho. quite funny. mr ho's in a good mood. he went 'e^2, e^2' to us and then went 'quickly. i'm so bored i'm rocking to entertain myself' quite funny.
was doing complex numbers. disastrous. hahaha:D
yeah well. stayed over at my aunt's house yesterday. quite a nice room to study in and sleep. more sleeping than studying i guess. hahaha. very nice scenery 'cos she lives on the 20th floor. feels like u're in the city, yet out of the city. and cool to know that if u're hungry, the whole toa payoh central is just a walk away. there were 4 dwarf hamsters at her house. hahaha. but all of them looked a little scruffy. and they all ran away when i put my hand near the cage. how friendly:)
second day of eating outside food. this is becoming quite an adventure...searching for new foods to eat everyday, and trying to balance your meals. hahahha:)

Which Pepsi-Cola or Coca-Cola soda are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla
how disgusting. i dun like coke. and steph is still printing out stuff. and i'm falling asleep:) hehehehe:D

You're the color blue. You have the three c's in
life--you're cool, caring and confident.
Trustworthy and honest, people are naturally
attracted to you. You're unusually optimistic,
but that makes life all the better. You're an
imaginative person who loves sleeping and
dreaming. Hard-working and determined, you
excel in school. You're everybody's favorite,
and this is because you have this undefined
richness in your personality and attitude.
Mild-tempered and stable. Not to mention very
intelligent. Along with the fact that you're
conservative, you're worried about the
environment. So basically, you're a generous,
dependable and devoted--just the kind of person
everybody needs. Wouldn't it be great if
everybody in the world were like you?


What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

hahaha! look at the line hardworking and determined! i'm determined. but i'm not so sure about hardworking;)

hmm. in school typing this out now. 'cos my whole entire room is under plastic sheets as well. hahahaha:D will be staying over at my aunt's house tonight...saw worship cds in my 2nd cousin's room:) shall steal her books to read! muahahha. oh. and she has like almost all of the channels on scv. what a temptation! hahaha. and it's in her room! where i'll be studying. oh gosh.
nahhhh. can't tempt me:P mind's in too much of a structure to watch tv continuously. my only show today is zai shen yuan. and my only show tmr night is STILL zai shen yuan. on wed night, the tv is but a black box which reflects its surroundings on its face:)

sure feels weird walking around with shoes in your own house. shall treat it as though i'm living in the hostel. how thrilling.
can't sleep:D hahaha. shall do qt:D too much sunshine today. delays my inner clock by a few hours. i dunno if that's good or bad:D hahahaha:D good i guess. more time to do more things:)
-so we cry
holy, worthy, glory, majesty,
You reign on high,
high above all the earth
You are my God
my Lord and King-

my house is in a mess. total horrendous mess which makes me feel a tad miserable. like my whole entire house is reduced to three rooms. confined space. restricted movement. having a house which doesn't feel entirely yours anymore. my poor house. and plastic sheets are all over the place. perfect setting for an old abandoned flat in a horror movie.
-there's a calf with mournful eye-
okay. 60 seconds over. hahaha:D
studied with joycelyn and her friends te se and te qin (twin sisters!) today. quite..eh. strange. 'cos dunno te se and te qin personally. but quite okay...hahaha:D lakerol --- makes people talk ;)
then both of them left...so i'm stuck with joycelyn. saw the very bored librarian who keeps walking around the library like 500-600 times throughout the day everytime we go to marine parade library to study:) think he's just bored:) seems to be quite nice with the kids. oh!!! saw a very adorable little girl today who has an eurasian look and a chinese mother. think she's got mixed blood in her:D her eyes are.. BIG AND DEEP AND SOULFUL. very enchanting lil girl.
then we moved to bk. hahaha. it was apparently the 'peak period' for toilet-going..'cos the toilets are mostly full. i found it quite amusing.
learnt how to make the star using the straws today. my second attempt at making a star without instructions was...well. hmmm. hard to handle. hahahaha:D

sometimes talking to my sister is like incurring a volcano's fury.
hmmm. was just trying to look for my physical geog book to find out what kinda volcano gives the loudest explosion when i decided to flip through mckean from sec 4 for fun and realised that mckean actually HAS jc stuff. which is kinda amusing 'cos we seemed to have learnt some stuff before but i simply can't remember:)
at this moment, i'm supposed to be on 31 on my way to marine parade lib to study..instead, i'm still happily stuck at home printing out the bio stuff needed to be done by tomorrow:) brilliant:)
anyway, i had quite a nice morning, except for the fact that the volcano erupted in my house and i got slightly burnt:P walked to the market and said hi to my parents, had a nice quiet breakfast at my own pace (gosh. haven't had tt in quite a while:D), walked around the market 'cos they just renovated the whole place, bought some stuff, can't find slippers and then walked home again. nice weather we have today:) i wish i can cycle...if i can, i'll prob be out cycling right now. wonderful weather to swim too. 'cept that the swimming pool will prob be relatively fuller than during the weekdays. which makes swimming not as enjoyable.
off to study i go!

Who Are You in the 10K Commotion? (10 Questions to Find Your Inner 10K Star)
brought to you by Quizilla

hehe. was on 238 with Christine from north just now.. we never saw each other in our whole entire lives before coming to Hope and we've never realised how close we live within the radius of each other till today. she lives at block 224, i live at block 228:D
hahaha. so farnie:)
had service today:D haven't seen shirley leading p&w for quite some time...haha. they put up a very nice little clip with verses incorporated into it:) quite adorable, but it got its point across:)
so fast. gosh. we're coming to the end of the Acts power for living series...so fast. hahaha. last chapter next week:) so cool. one year plus...gosh. and yeah! we're gonna be doing 'song of songs' soon:D hahaha:D the first ever book that caught my attention:)
heh. studying at starhub after service wasn't particularly effective. was quite sleepy. hehehe. tried rj bio mcq paper. horrendous. got strange terms popping up tt i didn't realise. oh gosh. can u imagine? i've also gotta do nyj's killer paper. hahaha:D
i love the night air. so cooling. smell the night air as it wafts in the window. i love the morning air too...that's why it's always so refreshing to take a nice morning walk. hahaha. and i love the sharpness of the night. clearly defined.

:)
had shepherding in the morn:) heh. quite farnie.
then went to sch and wrote an econs essay!:D quite fun to write an econs essay with the real test of time at your feet. guess having to go to school in the day is turning out to be quite good..'cos you're forced to practice during the day and this increases productivity:D hahha:D
yeah! my voice is officially back:) or have i mentioned it before? hahaa:)
i am in a studying mood. hahaha:) oh guess what?! the school library has narnia! hahaha:)
borrowed the forth and fifth book from the library. yeah:) can read during my breaks:) rest my brain:) my brain likes to auto switch itself off these days when thinking is not really necessarily. then what happens is that i go a bit nutty. hahaha:)

gee. the world is really small:)
i went to fungi's blog, then saw jo's name..then i was like. jo has a blog? then i clicked on it. and realised tt it's the wrong jo. hahaha:D then i saw panghao's name on the blog. like 'huh? how come the whole world knows my pri sch classmate? hahaha!' then from panghao's blog, i saw arya. and arya is trace's other and of course trace is my twinklebells! hahaa.
yeah well.
-now here we go again you say
you want your freedom
well who am i to keep you down
it's only right that you should play the way you feel it
and listen carefully to the sound
to the loneliness of your heartbeat
drives you mad
in the stillness of remembering what you had
and what you lost-
i'm in a song mood! caught three pple's performance on singapore idol... christopher's song was good...but his singing was terrible. say so many times already. he doesn't have the voice to carry the song through. and olinda came on and gosh! i love her performance. hahaha:D superb vocals and the song she chose makes you wanna grooooove. then sylvester. haha. his singing surprised me actually. ok. maybe i shld change my opinion of him. today's rendition was quite good too:)
yeahhhhhh.

mentally tiring day...but quite fun nevertheless. or rather, quite funny when you see a whole row of your classmates sitting behind you. hahaha:D my class is so ke lian!
i'm pleased with myself with trigo. hahaha:D very pleased:D hahaha:D okay. i sound funny being pleased with myself without saying anything. but hahaha. what can i say? i'm just pleased with trigo:D hahaha. gosh. i sound a lil mad. think the cg pple must have been wondering why i kept laughing during cg. ah well:D
and i still insist that zai shen yuan is a good show to watch:) the intricate plot...the easy to understand analogies...the link of relationships and how things link well in a complexed web:)
cat was sleeping in my house. poor cat. nowhere to sleep now that construction is everywhere. speaking of construction...i can't come home next week! hahaha. my house'll be under renovations. major renovations:P gosh. feels so odd. will be in my auntie's house most of the time. (can't go home before 6pm everyday) hahaha:D hope i dun get distracted and keep watching scv at her house. cartoons and armed reaction 4!
nah. dun think so. hahaha. this is a plea for pple to study with me next week. hahaha:D
-God is good, all the time
He puts a song of praise in this heart of mine
God is good, all the time
in the darkest nights, His light will shine
God is good, He's so good,
all the time-
i had a headache today. hahaha. then i prayed:D and the headache poofed and disappeared within a min:D enjoyed the fellowship of the brothers and sister without a headache after that:D hahaha:D thank God!

i can't wait for tmr! hahaa. first of all, there's the activity that mr leeba has promised us in place of morning assembly tmr morning. *grInz* he kept saying that we'll be VERY STRESSED for around 20 mins, but at the end of it all, we'll feel good about ourselves:) like. ehhh...what can it be? anyway, seems like only my class pple are interested enough to raise their hands and want to go, my class will prob be the only class going.
yeah:D and mrs teo bought us cornetto ice cream! hahaha. she's funny. she was like asking how much time she has left, the someone told her 2 mins...and then she said 'can i use the 2 mins to digress?' then the bell rang. hahaha. ah well. then she looked like this child who's very satisfied with herself giving a surprise to everyone (very funny!:D haahaha! mrs teo cracks me up:D) and she said she got ice cream for us. and she said since she gave it to us, we owe her something. haha. and dominique guessed about the A. 'cos the ice cream cone is V-shaped...so it's like we must have victory in the exams! and an inverted A...so it's like we all owe her an A.
hahaha:D yeah! ice cream tmr!
gosh. i was quite surprised at my bio results. thought i was dead for certain 'cos of structured and prac. hahha:D oh my! MCQ really pulled me up. for bio, it's not easy to fail. but it's not easy to get an A either.
anyway, maths was funny too. hahaha. it's like we had a crash course on complex numbers 'cos it seems that most pple didn't study complex numbers. hahaha. the end of the lesson saw many pple going out of class to ask mr ho for a session for complex numbers. hahaha.
finally returned mrs wee the money! hahaha. hard to catch her. she's the hod of pccg...and she helped me pay first. hehee.
yeah:) my programme for the next 3 weeks is super packed. the teachers planned out my studying schedule for me. hahhaa.

hehehe. just talked to sister's friend called yahui. hahaha:D she's a year older than me and was in nyj taking arts... she knows bowen and rara and sining! hahaha:D rara and sining were my basketball seniors...and she knows carrie too! hahaha. through bowen. hmmm. apparently 'cos they were together... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. i didn't know that. haha.
ah well. anyway, she's in nus taking social work now:D hehee. so huichun! if u see a girl called ya3 hui4, can talk to her:D hahaha:D
anyway, studied with joycelyn today. hehe. cancelled it at first, but then..ah well. haha. did trigo for the whole day! gosh. trigo became fun:D hahaa. the back part of the specimen paper wasn't very morale boosting:P i looked at it, i was like:P and stats needs practice..once i haven't touched it much, i forget about it. so sad! and i love stats so much! hahaha:D
yeah well. when i was going home, we saw the bus stop area being cordoned off and 2 trucks of policemen being unloaded and four police cars along the road side and lots of people staring at what's happening. it's quite a scary sight. actually we also dunno wat happened...but heard from someone tt there's a riot. a riot?O_o in singapore? gosh. ehhh. well.
hahha. i reached home safely anyway. hope whatever was happening ceased off. we're all singaporeans what, why fight amongst outselves?:)

oooh. i sound disgruntled in my last post:D a disgruntled janitor in the mob factory has a red aura and usually LACERATES. hahahha. think only a few pple will know what i'm talking abt. or maybe just jits. hahaha.
sec 4 maths is making me vomit out blood. hahahaha:D and the specimen paper boosts up ur morale. and i feel hungry at such an hour. disastrous. and i feel awake. and God is my Jehovah Jireh! hahaha. He provides! gosh. was severely lacking in financial resources and was praying for God to help me. hahaha. 'cos i need to pay for this workshop thing by monday to mrs wee (gosh. it's mrs wee and not mrs lee...been looking for the wrong person) and it's $50+++ (can't remember the exact amount..think it's more like $65) and i'm like dying 'cos i have a total of -ve goodness-knows-how-much for normal expenses ('cos i owed jits money for the cds first). and i kept reminding myself 'what i dun have, i dun need' hahaha. and -God is good, all the time-, my mum gave me money! haha. and pple returned the money they owed me. i still have to cover the rest myself but i've still got enough to *yumyum*.
thank God! i tell u ah. really amazing. hahaha.
i wish i'll stop the haha-ing and the hehe-ing...they've become punctuations in my sentences. ah well.

gee. my sister just passed me 'lime' and even lime agrees with me that JEASSEA SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN IN. and BEVERLY GOT A GOOD VOICE. this is what they say about jeassea:
'if there were ever a poster girl for Singapore Idol, it'd be Jeassea. Armed with the right looks, a strong voice and oodles of charisma, she definitely raises the bar in this competition. Judging from her polished rendition of Aretha Franklin's notoriously difficult 'Chain of Fools', she's also one of the few contestants who's able to nail the more uptempo numbers without missing a beat...'
and about beverly:
'Correct me if i'm wrong but this IS a singing competition, right? How then do you explain a wonderful singer like Beverly getting the boot?...'
and this is what they say about jerry;)
'This accountant-turned-busker-turned-dubious Top 12 Finalist caused a MAJOR UPROAR when he wheedled his way past powerhouses like Nana and Beverly in the last piano show. What's worse, his lacklustre and totally unspectacular version of 'To Love Somebody' was nowhere near the quality of the two ousted divas.'
ah well. i just think it's kinda unfair that good singers like Jeassea and Beverly got out in the first round of the finals. Singapore can't recognise talents when they see them:P
oh. and this is stupid. urban exchange is changing their name to Parking Lot Pimp. with darren hayes' new disastrous song 'Popular' and urban exchange changing to such a stupid name, i wonder how the music scene is going to survive in the future. the second law of thermodynamics is very much in motion here.
oh bother. and lime is getting more and more thrashy. can't stand these stupid magazines. yuck:P

"Even now my witness is in heaven. My advocate is there on high. My friends scorn me, but I pour out my tears to God" (Job 16:19-20, nlt).

A Daily Encounter reader who has been hurt deeply asks, "Do you have any insight into dealing with the strong emotions that arise from being deeply hurt and wounded?

Dear Fred (not his real name), one way you can help "drain the pain" of hurt feelings is to write out your feelings. David did this in several of his Psalms. I think he was a man after God's own heart because of his being open and honest with himself and with God. When you write, write as if you are writing a letter to the one who hurt you. Express all your feelings in all their intensity to this person. Then read the letter to God telling him that this is exactly the way you feel (he knows it anyhow);then tear up the letter and destroy it. Write again and again
doing the same thing until all your hurt and angry feelings are dissipated. But never, never, never send one of these letters to anybody. At a later time, should you feel a need to write or contact the person in question, remember always to write and speak the truth in love;never in anger.
God also gave us tears to help drain the pain of hurt feelings. So give yourself permission to weep with all your heart for until we have learned to weep with all our heart, we are not free to love with all our heart either. Tears, however, are for expressing grief ... not anger. Anger needs to be expressed in writing, verbalized, or both.

Also, everyone needs at least one person he/she can trust implicitly with whom to share his/her feelings. It needs to be an understanding and caring person who listens and accepts us with all our hurt and angry feelings but won't give us advice, preach at us, or tell us what we should or shouldn't do or feel. And, if necessary, have several sessions with a qualified Christian counselor to help you
work through and resolve your feelings.

And of course be sure to tell God exactly how you feel and to lead you to the help you need to resolve your hurt and angry feelings so you can get to a point of genuine
forgiveness. Failing to forgive will only hurt you. It's "like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

heh. the cat's at my door sleeping.
dunno wat to do with her. ah well.
i got a mini shock when i went down to the english resource room for gp...hahha. saw like 2/3 of the whole class sitting outside the resource with mr lee talking about cohabitation. then i did something stupid, went up to mr lee and said 'oh! i didn't realise that gp starts early today.':P
then i saw serene and thongkheng on the other side of the space outside the english resource room. hahaha:D then i went to join them. realised tt the 2/3 of my dear adorable class is having 'friends of mr lee' class. hehe. then me and serene and thongkheng, michelle and hui xiang were like at the other side waiting for gp lessons to officially start. mr lee mentioned tt 2/7 couples get divorced... then huixiang went 'if so many pple get divorced, why get married in the first place?' and i was thinking about my cousin and j. hmm.
gp... sat beside pat and mich and was writing in serene's book..hahaha:D she did a very nice autograph book thing, pasted the photos in the book and divided it in sections. like a mini collage of all her memories in vj, together with photos and notes from her friends.
watched the results of singapore idol just now. hmmm. i dun think i agree with what has happened. jeassea and beverly both should have gotten in! gosh. what a waste. i like maia's style of singing 'lady marmalade'..didn't catch yesterday's performance but heard the highlights and all... and it was quite good. olinda got a nice voice for her song as well:) okay. i'm biased. i still think sylvester can't sing. so sad that candice drew out! my sister says there're rumours that she's pregnant. pregnant? how odd.
-and some people want it all,
but i don't want none of it all,
if it ain't you baby,
if i ain't got you baby-
hahaa. zai shen yuan is starting to pick up on channel u:D they showed the sleeping on the arm scene. more to come soon!
off to do my work. ladeeeda.

watching 'pooh's grand adventure'...very sweet! very nice:D hahaha.

i found this beside my bag after my trip to the toilet. hahaha. since no one was left around me and the nearest person in the canteen was... 3 tables away, i decided to take it with me and give due recognition to what is written instead of letting it float around for a long time yet, vulnerable to the weathering that occurs so rapidly in singapore.
it is supposed to be for 04S22...which is quite interesting since all the j1s dun seem to be in school today. anyway, it says to 04S22 (goodness knows how they're going to find it.)
'Dear 04S22, as you grow up, may you not lose that child in you. Live young and die young. Happy Children's Day and all the best for your promos!:)
chanks 1 Oct 2004'
hmm. who's chanks? anyway. i read through what was on the paper and it sounded true so i've decided to type it down:D
here goes:
'Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.
Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear,self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.
Whether sixty of sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young.
When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.'
i dunno where everyone is. steph and lydia are not around. zara is nowhere to be seen. i have a sneaking suspicion that everyone else is either scattered around (of which they can't be found. strange), studying away, not in school yet or they've all gone to join the 'friends of mr lee' club due to their gp prelim results. hmmm. and here i am, spending my time typing this out. let me join shasta in the world of Narnia then.

heh. went for chem with steph 'cos lydia wasn't in school. then saw jc drawing some male anime char so steph was like asking him something, then jc said something too (which i seriously can't remember) and somehow or another, i concluded tt jc is ...hmmm. well. thong kheng, u've gotta be careful;)
haha. anyway. i think the guys in my class today are mad:P seriously mad. gone loony over results?:D seems to affect only one gender.
gp was well. i dunno if it's normal or more chaotic than usual. serene and alywin were like pouring water everywhere O_o mr lee was trying to quieten all of us down. he kept going 'shhh. shhh.'and the whole class just basically had their own mini tutorials. and mr lee just kept babbling to a whole class who's half-listening to him.
then went with steph for chem lect as well. was reminiscing about the nyj days. hahahaha. heh. went out with cor and steph to walk around parkway 'cos i didn't really wanna stay in sch alone, yet it's too early to go to joce's house.
they ate ice cream. hahaa. poor lil me can't eat ice cream 'cos she's having a terrible cough. then walked around the place... espirit, mango(there's a very nice pair of purple pants that's $30), billabong (steph hints that she wants the handbag:|), op (cor bought this super short skirt which actually has shorts inside). i was the fashion consultant of the day. haha! mango perfume is super longlasting, after quite a lot of washes and a nice long bath later, it's still there:P
yeah:D then went for cg after tt. hahaha:D joycelyn and weiting were really early. hahaha. yeah:D enjoyable time of fellowship with the brother and sisters:D hahaha. very nice to hear about all the testimonies as well:)
sam is super friendly:P she suddenly msned me and taught me how to write the alphabet A. hahahaha:D and she says that i'm morbid! hahaha. she's funny lahz. told me to open the cat's eyelids and use a torchlight to shine into her eyes. if the pupil dilates, then the cat is alive. if the cat springs at me, hahaha. the cat is alive too. so friendly!

the school comp has a very nice font for msn:) it's big and fat and friendly and nice looking:D hahaha. i think steph and i both sound mad. typing furiously away on the keyboard and then laughing and then typing and then laughing at the screen again. ah well:)
just had econs and maths tutorial. which means that the next tutorial i'll have is gp...and gp's going through compre... how thrilling.
my nose is still killing me. was making lots of noise in the classroom in the morning. hhahaa:D and passing around the nkf thing. *grInz*
mr ho was surprising today. at the end of the lessons, he suddenly called my name and mingxian's name (and i was like uhoh. what did i do?) then he said something about not to be too discouraged about our results 'cos we have positive attitudes:D then he said that if we're comfortable with each other, can find him and he'll give us questions to do...like for example, do 3 topics first, the go on to other topics. and he said that we probably went through all the topics...and he was smiling when he said that. hahaha. sorry. dun mind me. i'm quite shocked. okay. cool:D anyway, me and mingxian looked at each other and laughed. comfortable with each other? quite so. we were classmates in primary school:P
but nice of mr ho to actually help us even before we go and ask him for help:) maybe he thinks that i'm scared of him.
yeah well. guess maths starts the ball rolling for all revision again. i can't believe it, but i'm actually looking forward to it. think i'll feel a little empty without studying after the As. gosh.
hello steph! hahahaha. typed that for fun. hello to dancing too! dun be too sad about ur econs. hehe. i hope there's moderation for econs. hahaha. especially for ESSAY! arrgh. stupid j1 teachers. anyway, mr chan agrees that their marking is a lil :P. and he says tt for drq (he set it and gave the answer scheme), the teachers were supposed to elaborate and give us more space for answer. instead, they were rigid and caused the whole level's marks to plummet, so yah:) and mr chan can't say anything abt the case study 'cos it's set by the 'supreme high' hahaha! so funny. and we were talking about why the 'dutch disease' is called the 'dutch disease' and mr chan said something about selling dutch ladies to diversify and he did an imitation of a dutch lady:|
well, so far the past two tutorials have been quite ..surprising. what awaits us at gp? two more hours and i'll know about it:D

haha. i realise that when i'm drowsy, i can't think. so to be able to think, i need to stay non-drowsy. and to do that, i can't take my medicine. so i didn't take my medicine and got some things done instead.
brilliant. feels more on track now after sleeping my hours away. what a waste of time:P unnecessary hours of sleep. guess what time i officially woke up today?:D 1.30pm. 15 more mins and i would be off school. hahaha:D
i've only got one maths tutorial period, one econs tutorial period and hmmm 2 gp tutorial periods tmr. technically, this amounts to nothing at all. wonderful day i'll have.
room's still in half a mess due to exams... can't find something i'm supposed to do. how? hmmm.
-just keep going, just keep going-
:)

i feel like a dying old man:P coughing and wheezing away. with hardly any energy left to keep afloat this hazy misty sea of drowsiness. how many fingers do i have? i lift my hands up and see that there are none.
my body fades, my senses a blur, yet i continue with my work. mechanical. the physical realms doth cease to exist. i am aware of nothing but what is to be done, and with that knowledge, i fight against the waves that crash, that hold on dear. to what? to the truth i know so clear.
why the talk? i do not wish to talk. give me my rest and give me my sleep.and give me my consciousness to keep.

I needed the quiet so he drew me aside
Into the shadows where we could confide,
Away from the bustle where all the day long
I hurried and worried when active and strong.
I needed the quiet tho at first I rebelled,
But gently, so gently my cross he upheld,
And whispered so sweetly of spiritual things,
Tho weakened in body, my spirit took wings
To heights never heard of when active and gay,
He loved me so greatly he drew me away.
I needed the quiet, no prison my bed,
But a beautiful valley of blessings instead --
A place to grow richer in Jesus to hide
I needed the quiet so he drew me aside.

- Alice H. Mortenson

we got back econs mcq, econs case study and maths paper 1 today... hohoho. merry christmas:) mr chan was his normal self. actually he looked quite delighted. i wonder why. hahaha. case study was disappointing for the whole class... highest was 20 out of 30:P (if i didn't remember wrongly). i didn't do well for mcq. hahaha:D quite funny. well. dun talk abt maths paper 1.
mr ho was being very demoralising.thankfully i didn't do the stupid things that he mentioned. *whew* and mrs teo just went about things as per-normal. same tone, same voice, same 'let's go on with life' attitude:)
stayed back together with jits and michelle to help shanyi with her art piece. heh. poor girl has to hand it in by tmr evening and she's got lots more to do.. she's got this junior called angela and oh my! her drawings are like...O_o she was doing her promo piece.. oil painting in the renaissance period style. very nice!
yeah well. i really dun feel quite well:) better rest my soul in Christ before i topple over and meet zhou1 gong1. heh.

"'I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty" (Malachi 3:6-7, NIV).

The sun set last night and rose again this morning as it has for thousands or millions of years. While some things never change, we can't say that about life in the last few decades--not to mention what lies ahead in the coming years!

I read that if we were to put the entire world's knowledge from the beginning of time until 1845 on a graph it would measure only 1 inch tall. From 1845 to 1945--just 100 years--the graph would measure 3 inches tall. But from 1945 until today the graph would be as tall as the Washington monument.

Change today is the order of the day. It has been said that today's average worker will need to be retrained at least three times during his working career to keep up with all the changes. Changes in technology, lifestyle, philosophy, morals, etc., are happening so fast it is difficult to keep up with them all.

Furthermore, the security that so many of us knew in earlier times has pretty much vanished. With escalating terrorism worldwide unless we have an anchor for the soul
we can be left drifting on a restless changing sea of uncertainty. But for those who have faith in God, of this one thing we can be absolutely sure: He never changes! His
love is from everlasting to everlasting and he is still in control of the world and universe no matter what. As the Bible says, "I the Lord do not change."

Americans have engraved on their coins, "In God we trust." But until that commitment is engraved on people's hearts and we genuinely trust in the God who changes not, we will have no lasting security.

hahaha:D yup:D we had info counter outing today! hahaa. for photos, please go to timothy's blog (points at top right hand corner where all the names are) hahahaa:D and i copied this entire thing from timothy 'cos i'm too lazy:P

'After my unit "Annual General Meeting"..me and evelyn (wanna spare you all with all the "he", "she", "him", "her" this time round...) took bus no.106 down to orchard. By the time I reached it's already 3pm..and I went to starhub foodcourt to find a place to write my cards for clarence and magdalene...surprisely saw xinying...after some dicussion with her we decided that we won't be going to marche anymore..since everyone is like so broke. And I decided that we should go to OA Bakery instead..since evelyn recommend me to go there.

We meet at Somerset MRT at 3.30...and all are present! They are clarence, magdalene, xinying, alvin, michael and our special guest livi! Haha..after everyone arrived we walked to OA Bakrey. Hmm..first time eating there..haha...and actually quite worth it la..$5 for the main course + soup + fruits + salad + garlic bread + free flow of drinks! Haha..and after we had our meal there we celebrated clarence and magdalene birthday. Haha..hope you all like the card we wrote to you all and the cd that we gave you! (magdalene...pls help me to burn one copy of that album hor..hurhurhur...)

Hoho..after that we went to the outside of Fish & Co. to take pictures (see below)! Haha..know I choose this place? Bcos this place is "LOVE" mah..Wanna tell all the info counterians that if we serve God but without LOVE, we gain nothing! And indeed we had fun in taking those pictures..hehe.

After sending alvin off to the bus stop (he got to report for work at 6pm)..the rest of us went to PS's arcade! Haha..went to key Keyboard Mania again..this time round I still got 1 miss for Midori no Kaze!! *bangs my head against the wall*..but thank God i still maintain the 71% passing marks for Klungkung1655. Also had one round of Percussion Master with xinying..haha..at the 3rd round I let livi play too~~..haha..they seems like they don't have the coordination skills..opps.'

:P i think i have hand-eye coordination problem. i look at the screen right i was like 'oh my, what is what?' quite fun though. hahaha:D
went for second service today with jits. haha. long story. it was strange. like going up to service alone even when you see people you know. 'cos like they don't recognise you. didn't want to shock them too. hhhaha:D
was commenting to jits that everytime we come for adult service, wenjiang seems to be the one playing guitar. hahaha:D
ahhhh. 'zai shen yuan' is a nice show! hahaha.

i love shows with nice endings! hahaha:D zai shen yuan has a nice ending!!:D much much more developed than 'witness to a prosecution'. oh manz. hahah:D if u wanna know the ending, must show from 3 episodes before the da4 jie2 ju2:D
the huangfu shaohua person has very nice features!:D he's got very nice eyelashes. hahaha. and lijun looks very good when she's in distress:P felt a bit odd seeing her with her hair all done up and everything at the end of the show... i like her better when she's pretending to be a guy. more defined features:D
oh man! and i feel that the tie-muer emperor is just... misunderstood. ah well. oh! but the emeige is funny:D she's so cheeky! hahaha. really nice ending! hahaha.just tt it's also a bit odd that the emperor suddenly realises how good the empress is to him. and how did the empress know that lijun, being the zhuang4 yuan2 is actually a girl? hmm.
poor yan yu gu niang too...
hahaha. assange provides entertainment.
i think the plot's good:D hahaha:D very good:D it's comparable to 'witness to a prosecution'! really ah. if 'witness to a prosecution' has a more developed, longer ending, it'll be so much better!
but 'zai shen yuan' is a nice show too! gosh. really must watch the ending if u have to miss any parts. watch the last 3 episodes!!! eh..that'll prob come like in.. a long time yet. hhaha:D

if people would just say out what they wanna say, it'll make things a lot easier. and makes the show less exasperating. hahahaa. haven't finished watching zai shen yuan...still got 4 more episodes to go. 3 hours more.
i'm on the part of how the three 'brothers' are gathered together once more in the palace and tie-muer and huangfu shaohua both have a liking for lijun (who is their 4th 'brother') poor queen. she must think tt the king is a bit weird:P
i wonder what will happen. hopefully the huangfu shaohua guy will end up with lijun (he still doesn't know that the 'forth brother' is lijun, and not just lijun's female cousin!)
and sometimes you wonder. how can such a good father and husband be so crafty as to want to overthrow the king? ah well. the sinful desires of the heart are hard to fathom.

haha.
watching the whole series of zai sheng yuan...hahaha. the 9o'clock channel u show..hehee. sister borrowed the whole series and now i'm watching it. hope it has a more satisfying ending than witness to a prosecution. hahaha... ah well:)
i changed the background pic of this template into a theme of pink and white but then it's more than 250kb and anything larger than that will be resized once uploaded onto photobucket which will make the dimensions of the tables all wrong and if i'm going to really change it, i'll have to re-size all the tables too. how troublesome.
we shall see.
i dun feel so hyper already. hahahaa:D but i still feel rather energetic. the ending to witness to a prosecution was quite ...rushed. hahaha:D so sad. what a nice plot though.

i love otah! hahaha. delicious yummy spicy chewy otah!
i'm a little high today. strange. must be the alcohol tasting funny coloured barley in reacting with the delicious mushroom swiss and newly fried fries i had in the morning with the info counter pple:D maybe alvin's lame jokes added to the effect as well.
it's magdalene's birthday today. and timothy said to pretend we didn't notice and give her a surprise by celebrating it with her tomorrow as well:)
poor joycelyn had a nice sprained neck and looked quite amusing today. and jiali was very nice to feed her two hungry sheep:)
and lots of postcard writing today. hahahaha:D i shall spend the time today and tomorrow wisely to bless others and to finish up my work:) oh gosh. results on monday. i can hardly wait. hahaha:D gotta personalise what i've been saying:) how exciting:)

sister just came home and started complaining about how everyone seems to want to go to ajc(:P) and no one wants to go to nyj (:D) with her. hahahaa. i would have agreed with her in the first three months due to biasness against ajc, but now that i know sisters from aj, i'm not so sure about commenting against it.
hahaha. nevertheless, the sec 4 prelim results are coming back and everyone seems to be getting anxious about it. if my sister gets into nyj and joins basketball, i'll be terribly amused.
guess it really depends on the attitude whichever school you get into. the attitude determines the altitude.

hohoho. i just ordered something on the Hope estore. hahha. how exciting. dun mind me. i've never ordered anything online b4 'cos of a lack of an online payment:D hehee.
oh! go and try hovering ur cursor over the links. hahha. editted the html to get a blurred effect. if it's irritating, let me know:)

my sister's going crazy over 'zai shen yuan'...the last time i say girl looks like she doesn't know if she's male or female show...turns out to be quite a nice show actually:) yeah:)
went out with jits to plaza sing to walk around. found her in yamaha...realised tt the organs and pianos are super ex:P well. then went to spotlight 'cos wanted to do something. hahaha. found amusing stuff there. then we thought of watching a movie but couldn't really settle on anything to watch. wanted to watch 'the terminal' but it starts too late. then we saw this new percussion machine in the arcade and wanted to try it but i suggested going in the morn instead so as not to malu ourselves. muahaha.
oh look! it's raining:)
anyway. what else did we do? oh! then we were going down the escalators when we realised that there's a Times bookshop and we went in and read lots of children's storybooks (hahaha!) and i read Narnia for the very first time in my life. yepz. came home after tt:)
going to study later:)

"Wherefore, seeing we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily besets us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" (Hebrews 12:1).

I read about an airplane used by missionaries that gained some two-hundred pounds in weight since it was manufactured sixteen years previously. Nobody knows where the extra weight came from.

"We've been joking about the only plane in Weight Watchers," said the pilot. "But it's really a serious matter. Unless we can shed the extra weight, the plane's utility is seriously limited. We just can't carry an extra two-hundred pounds and have space for the cargo we need to deliver."

Many of us, like the missionary airplane, are carrying extra weight that can stop us from being fully functional and fully alive. For some, the extra weight may be physical, which can lead to ill health. For others, it may be unresolved emotional or spiritual issues. For example, if I am carrying an overload of guilt, fear, grief, hurt, anger, or resentment, or have some unconfessed sin or unresolved addiction in my life, any of these things can keep me stuck, not going anywhere.

God is not out to get us because of these things, but he wants us--with his help and the help of supportive friends--to resolve and overcome our issues so we can throw off the weights that are holding us back and be free to "run with patience the race set before us" and win!

oh yeah. forgot to mention..we met lots of pple today. various pple whom we know... eh. i only met shuwen (she cut her hair again! now it's like. a tuft of grass left.) and yah. shuwen. oh! alywin and cheryl too. jitsy! ur class cheryl! going out with my class alywin! O_o dancing seemed to be saying hi to the whole world (hehehe. exaggerated:D)... like yos. and her kindergarten sch mate. and can't remember who else:) and turns out tt the kindergarten sch mate corinne and liting and dancing (did i get this right?) met knows lydia as faith's sister. only rux and me and steph dunno her:P
the world is small. and liting knows suatying who's my primary sch classmate. and like joanna knows adeline and twin knows dalena. i find it quite amazing.

hohoho.
last paper today. mcq was. tricky. i dunno. got qns coming out of the 10 years series:D which is good. hahaha:D
heh. took bus to parkway and talked to this girl from s1A whom i saw in the library the last time..her chinese name is jiahui!:D very nice to talk to her:D
then walked around parkway looking for straws...hahaa. saw this guy from 03S13...eh. dunno how i know him. anyway, his cd shop wasn't open so he followed me the whole time i looked for straws. wah. when he shares with me about his life..
'meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless!'
anyway, found straws.
then went to eat breakfast at macs with joycelyn. heh. then we went to buy snacks. and saw this kitten which is biting grass. hahaha:D picked the kitten up and the kitten just played with us without showing any signs of fear:D wells.
heh. then went to her house:D her room's quite interesting to explore. heh. then we went for cg together. wah. jiali and kelvin are super early.
heh:D i love cg. hahahaa:D oh no! i took out the brush from joce's toilet bowl and never put it back O_o wellllllllllll. hahahaa.
then went down to heeren's to meet corinne, dancing, steph, lydia, liting and rux. hahaha:D i'm really broke today. hah. took neoprints too. really small.
hmmmm. i just got an invitation from the singapore air force to go for a seminar...i wonder if everyone got it. anyway, it says:'beyond a Q&A session, beyond the usual slideshow presentation, as a privileged guest, you will discover all about life in the air. and on the edge, you will walk away with a thorough insight into the advanced technology the RSAF employs. You will discover the challenges and opportunities of being a part of this elite fighting force...'
wellus. and junting shocked me. hahaha. she says tt she's gonna change ministry in 2 weeks...and said that she's gonna be taking care of NS guys and if i become a pilot, i can go over and help her O_o
i'm going to make a list of what to do after As!!!

hahaha. doing bio mcqs.
was looking for my clips to clip up my hair but realised that i've lost them... haa. my hair accessories never stay with me for more than 2 weeks:P
anyway, that brings me to my next question, should i cut my hair again? hahaha:D
it's getting a little long and a little troublesome, especially if i'm going to swim more often now.
whheeee.
last paper tomorrow!
i dunno wat i'm going to study tmr. hmmm:) finish up bio?:| yeah. i shall do that. give myself a break before going to......... maths.
if bio is orange and econs is green, maths is...purple. it can look as delightful and light as the colour of lavender, or as dark and mysterious as a pool of dark waters, or simply incomprehensible as the undercurrents in the royal empire which has crumbled a long time ago:D

many things in our lives come at the most unexpected times
if we're not sensitive about it, or happen to do other things at the wrong moment, an opportunity will slip right past us without us even noticing the shadow of it.
if i've just slept earlier tonight, i wouldn't have noticed the call. and i haven't noticed the call, it'll be an opportunity missed to comfort, to share, to love.
when you let God juggle the things in your life, you can then walk steadily ahead with a light heart, with the knowledge and assurance of Him with you.
i wasn't sensitive to opportunities before, and have let numerous chances slip away.
but i'm learning.
thank God for putting me in the right situations.

i was watching lie4 huo3 xiong2 xin1 and was feeling extremely uneasy...like i should be studying or something. and it feels odd to watch tv.
so i went to study bio. hahahaha:D

*grInz* i feel quite awake and ready to do lots of things now that i've taken a 5 hour afternoon nap which is actually more than the amount of time i slept last night. hahahaa:D
yeah!
had econs paper 1 and 2 this morning:) hahaha. really felt my brain freezing under the temperamental airconditioning and the temperamental rain which kept distracting everyone by starting and stopping and going on a nice cycle of doing so:)
got a pleasant surprise this morning when i flipped open the notes for 'conflicting goals for the government' hahaha. jits wrote a letter to me on the 10th of sept, stuck it in-between the notes and i didn't notice it till today:D
yeah:) econs is over:) finally. now i can go on studying. heh.. drq was intriguing. couldn't really do the last 10 marks of the drq...weird qns. actually found case study easier:P it's about congested roads. couldn't really do the last 10 marks of case study too...hahaa. guess i don't think like an economist:)
took the same bus home with liting today..haha:D quite interesting talking to her..we talked about what we're going to be, driving (or rather the troubles of driving) and about meeting old friends:) the whole journey from school to boonkeng.. sure beats just sleeping on the bus:)
aunt (from dad's side) came just now to my house to give out a wedding invitation...turns out that she sold her plot of land (hey nina! i'll no longer have any aunts that live near you...) 'cos her son used it for mortage to lend it to another friend of his for business stuff and the friend kinda well...didn't return the money so that they've gotta sell the land. hmmm.
all the chem pple. all the best for your papers! i shall do bio mcq for the whole day tomorrow. let's see how many i can finish:)

arrrghhhh. watching witness to a prosecution II is frustrating! that stupid worm is not giving any clues onto whether he's good or not! aarghhhh... how can??? was talking to jits and we agreed that it's frustrating not to know. hahaha. so i went to look online for synopsis...but they don't have! only have for witness to a prosecution 1...but read a little about what the ending might be... sighhhh.
anyway:)
went with dancing, corinne and steph to liting's house to give her a birthday cake and surprise her. hahaa:D dancing's idea:) our great planner for the day is quite blur though... in the end, liting saw us...hehehe.
yeah:) then went to meet sis at paya lebar b4 going to marine parade library to study with charlotte, joycelyn and jingting:) saw this librarian who kept walking here and there and here and there and here and there and here and there. literally:P
hehehe. well. then we went to water-rise to eat the $1 mini pancakes+fries...hahaha. then we saw the east c sisters and wanqi with them as well and heard tt gwen was in bk. then charlotte left:) then after eating, we went to disturb gwen and saw that she was studying with dennis and another brother whom i dunno the name of. then we went out. then jingting needed the toilet so we went into bk and disturb gwen again. hahaha!
then we went off and jingting went to the other side. me, my sister and joycelyn took the same bus. then i went home to watch witness to a prosecution while sister went to bugis. whee. that's my day:D

wellus.
this is a template taken off blogskins from a long time ago which i've never used before and since i'm getting a little tired of the old template, i've decided to change.
dun really like this template 'cos it's a little too messy. too many scrolls around. hahaha:D but wellus. the template has a defined structure which most templates seem to miss and all's well that adds us well:)
*grInz*
jean wrote a card to pastor jeff and shared about how she came to know God. really really find it encouraging:D *grInz* warmed our souls on saturday...hahaa. y-acts. everything was worth it!
-it only takes a spark,
to get the fire going
and soon all those around
will warm up to its glowing,
it's just the same with God's love
once you've experienced it
you'll pass it on to everyone
you'll want to pass it on-
perseverence!

hmmm.
maybe i should watch lord of the rings one day. never got to watch it:P

bio option paper today:)
we've got strange questions:P question 1 was about growth curves. that's quite okay... actually relatively normal question:) question 2 was about sperm count and the quality of semen and it got me concluding that males are troublesome. question 3 was about the removal of anterior pituitary glands and their growth...it's actually an indirect qn asking about thyroxine production (at least i think it is. hahaa:D) bet the qn was set by mrs teo:) thought it was quite interesting.
essay. well. essay. hahaha!:D i mixed up the production of pollen grains with the production of ovules. eeeekksss. hahaha:D how disastrous. i answered a wonderful answer of how the ovules came about with its meiotic and mitotic divisions and tata, the question was asking about pollen grains. ahhh. hahaa. nvm:D
well, at least i'm not the only one who messed up part a. lynette was in front of me and she couldn't remember her points. hehe. so both are of us are dead for our dead adorable 8 marks part:)
but it was better than i thought it would be. thought i was dead. hahaha:D oh!! wanna share something. hahaha. i skipped a large part of control in repro. then before going in, i was flipping through again and somehow or another, God kept probing my heart to read about thyroxine production. well:D hahaha. thank God i did, or else i would know nothing about qn 3:P

Holy Spirit Rain Down

Holy Spirit rain down, rain down
O comforter and friend
How we need Your touch again
Holy Spirit rain down, rain down
Let Your power fall, let Your voice be heard
Come and change our lives as we stand on Your Word
Holy Spirit rain down

No eye has seen,
no ear has heard
nobody knows what God has in store
So open up heavens
open it wide
over Your church
and over our lives...

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness" (Jesus in Luke 12:15, NIV).

As a kid I never felt fully loved. So for many years I substituted approval for love. I got lots of approval for the many good things I did and, yes, it felt good at the time, but it never satisfied nor lasted. Why?

Approval is based on what we do. Affirmation is based on who we are. Approval is a good thing when given and received for the right reasons, but when substituted for
love, it can become another addiction to avoid facing the pain of not feeling loved.

Many of us codependents suffer from this affliction. We only feel good when we feel needed. But deep down what we really need is to feel loved and affirmed at the very core of our being--for who we are and not for what we do. More than anything else, we need to know this love and affirmation from God the heavenly Father. Only when we feel so affirmed can we get off the merry-go-round of doing things to get approval.

And how do we experience God the Father's love and affirmation at the core of my being? First, by believing that God loves us because his Word says so. And second, by
sharing my total self (including my dark side) with one or two safe and trusted friends who will love and accept me just as I am--warts and all. As they love and accept me in this way, little by little, I come to love and accept myself, and in so doing, I open myself to accepting God the Father's love and acceptance through them.

while i was searching around my house's kitchen for food, i saw a packaging that was classy and unique. it looked like the cover of jitsy's Donne poem book... green with gold wordings. ancient looking. and i was like 'what's that?'
turns out to be egg rolls! from macau. i mean, egg rolls only...so why do we have to package it until so nice.
this is no ordinary egg roll. my gosh. the first surprise came when open the inner plastic packaging (5 egg rolls per plastic packaging, 10 in the whole box), the buttery smell of egg rolls just waft into your nose and refuse to go. and you take one out, and my oh my. you can see the depth of each layer, unlike our usual chinese new year egg rolls.
bite into it and you feel like you're eating a thinner version of the delicious crust of egg tarts, it crumbles into your mouth, exactly where you bit it. the rest of the egg roll remains perfectly intact.
i feel like the eggs were have just been burst open and are spread all over my tongue. and melted butter and sugar was added.
heavenly.

groggy.
quite blur today. everything passed by in a whirl. not functioning properly. strange.

i felt quite relieved that the papers today are over:)
was relatively amused when mrs chan went up on stage and mentioned about someone fainting after seeing the qns on maths p1 on monday. we were like 'really? never see anyone faint'. hahaha:D then she said she hoped that we have a strong heart 'cos she looked through today's paper.. hahaha.
i'm glad i have a strong heart then. i looked at today's paper i blanked out. couldn't remember my sampling formulas...couldn't remember my estimation stuff. couldn't even remember my poisson distribution (which is really disastrous 'cos binomial, poisson and normal are like... my best out of the the entire stats thing:P) but it's okay. hahaha:D 'cos i nearly blanked out on a lot of stuff (eg. reading the question wrongly), and thank God i didn't... hahaha.
after this paper i'm going to practice maths EVERYDAY manz. hahaa. really really.
hahaha. if maths was terribly hard, bio appeared to be the most entertaining, most relaxing, most fun paper out of the former 3 papers i had. what can i say? i really enjoyed doing the paper. especially essay question 9. hahahaa. took a long time to write qn 9 (45 mins) and ended up having not enough time for the rest of the structured and one more essay!:P even though i couldn't do like respiration and not much of the ecology question, and i answered the impulse thing at the wrong section and had to draw arrows here and there, it was still nevertheless, thrilling to know that i've finally found a study method which works in remembering points in detail even after 1 whole week of not looking at the notes. too bad it's only 2 hours! hahaa.
yeah!:D i'm looking forward to tomorrow:) hahaha:) caregroup! yeah:D hahaa. and mugging about growth and repro:D and meeting pple:D and goodness knows what:D hahaha:D

My japanese name is 秋本 Akimoto (autumn book) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

gosh. i really can't study at home. hahaha. but gotta train to study at home! gee. i can only study at home at night. geee.
anyway, went to get my notes back from twin in the evening...and saw adeline on my way to meet mum. oh before that i saw debbie and ruth and yaoguo. then i called joanna to get twin to study together 'cos joanna was at mos and twin was at macs and mos was beside this sushi bar place, which is just beside macs. hahaa.
went to study with them in the end too...met joanna's friend called jayne (in nyj now!) and yeah...got some news about nyj in the meantime:D mrs goh doesn't teach the j2s and the other female teacher is on maternity leave. oh!!! mrs judy tan is on maternity leave too! hahaha:D so cool. she was still not pregnant last yr.
yeah. got more pens from popular to get my notes. and labels for info count. and now i should be doing my work, 'cept that i need to do lots of things before i continue my work.
so intriguing.
i can't wait for prelims to be over so that i can continue mugging for As:P

i'm beat. what a heavy first day of exams. fun nevertheless. haha:D God answered my needs! He sent Mr Leong to turn down the fan of the aircon just when i was getting really distracted from the strong cold air blowing at me, even when the teachers walked by a lot of times and i didn't really want to tell them to turn up the temperature.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment ... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV).

King Duncan of sermons.com shared how his pastor told about a young female soldier who wrote home to her parents about a young man she was attracted to. "Of course," she said,"since we are not allowed to wear makeup, he has no idea how I really look."

Oh?

It's incredible, at least in the Western world, how much value we place on physical beauty. But as we all know outward beauty has little to do with the character of the
person or whether they are real or not.

In the wonderful children's story, The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams the Rabbit asked the old Skin Horse the baffling question, "What is real?" To the stuffed rabbit,according to the boasting of the other toys, being real had something to do with being impressive and captivating.

But as the wise Skin Horse answered, "Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

nina was just commenting on my posts...that the 'brother' one is touching...and the post about me is... (in her words, hope she doesn't mind)
'dunno. but it felt like i totally didn't know you at all.'
hmmm. how to put it? i guess it's not that bad. i was still myself, trying to be as honest as i can be in sec 4...but then it's like, so many things happening in the class. i didn't want to unload anything much
1) i'm afraid. i was fearful of what huiqing would have viewed me (her being my best friend and all)
2) i felt that i would adding on to the burdens that everyone already has.
3) i wanted to be that pillar of strength that people can consult. can ask for advice. can come to talk to me when they're troubled. and in my own naive way, i thought that that's the way to be. i didn't know how else to be. i didn't know that being myself is enough. i really wanted to help.
but that was before.
really. when i think about how God has changed me, one thing i marvel the most is how God has changed my attitude towards sharing openly about my problems and sharing openly about things which may make me vulnerable. God showed me that in the family of God, we have a covenant with each other. God showed me that it's okay, i don't have to do what i did in sec 4. that i can really help others by sharing what i went through as well. God helped me to open up. that God gave us friends, gave us brothers and sisters for us to help each other up in times of troubles and needs as well. ('two are better than one')
i found security in God. i found love in Him. and through the love He's given Him, i can love others more.
so i guess you can get to know me more once more? hahaha. i'm still xinying, trying to be as honest as can be and trying to love others the way God loves me.

got this from eunice and huichun. hahaha.
BROTHER

I cried for my brother 6 times.

I was born in a secluded village of a mountain. Days by days my parents plowed the yellow dry soil with their backs facing the sky.

I have a younger brother, 3 years younger than me.

Once, to buy a handkerchief which all girls around me seemed to have, I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father known about it right away. He made my younger brother and me kneeled against the wall, with a bamboo stick in his hand.

"Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk. Father didn't hear any of us admit, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!" He lifted up the bamboo stick.

Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!”

The long stick smacked on my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipped my brother until he lost his breath.

After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother, "You have learnt to steal from your own house now, what other embarrassing things you will do in the future?? You should be beaten to death! You shameless thief!"

That night, mother and I hugged my brother. His body full of injuries, but he didn't shed a single tear.

In the middle of the night, all of sudden I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened." I still hate myself for didn't have enough courage to admit what I had done.

Years gone by, but the incident still looked like it just happened yesterday. I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.

That year, my brother was 8 years old; I was 11 years old.

When my brother was in his last year of his lower secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central. At the same time, I was accepted into a province's university.

That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet. I could hear him said, "Both our children have good results? very good results?"

Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?"

At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said, "Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books."

Father swung his hand and slapped brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you both finish your study!"

And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as soft as I can to my brother's swollen face, and said, "A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to leave this depths of poverty."

Me, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study to university.

Who knows on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes and a few dry beans. He sneaked to the side of my bed and left a note on my pillow;

"Sis, get into an university is not easy. I will go find a job and send money to you."

I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.

That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old.

With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at construction site, finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.

One day, I was studying in my room, when my roommate came in and told me, "There's a villager wait for you outside!"

Why is there a villager looking for me? I walked out, and saw my brother from afar, his whole body is dirty, covered by dust, cement and sands. I asked him, "Why don't you tell my roommate that you are my brother?"

He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What will they think if they know that I am your brother? Don't they laugh at you?"

I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dusts from my brother's body. And said with a lump in my throat, " I don't care of what people say! You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?"

From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He wore it on me, and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one."

I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried and cried.

That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old.

The first time I brought my boyfriend home, the broken window had been repaired. And it looked so clean inside the house. After, my boyfriend went home, I danced like a small girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you don't have to spend so many time cleaning the house!"

But she said with a smile," It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He was injured while replacing the window."

I went into my brother's small bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.

I put some ointment on his wound and bandaged it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him.

"No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when I was working in the construction site, stones falling on my feet all the time. Even that could not stop me from working and?"

In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolling down my face.

That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.

After I got married, I lived in the city. Lots of time my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village, they didn't know what to do. My brother also didn't agree, he said, "Sis, you just take care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here."

My husband became the director of his factory. We wanted my brother to get the job as the manager in the department of maintenance. But, my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on starting to work as a reparation worker.

One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.

My husband and I visited him. Looked at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled, "Why did you reject to be a manager? Manager will not do something dangerous like this. Look at you now, such a serious injury. Why you didn't want to listen to us?"

With a serious expression on his face, he defended on his decision, "Think of brother-in-law, he just became the director, and I almost uneducated. If I became the manager, what kind of rumors will fly around?"

My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education also because of me!"

"Why talking about the past?" My brother held my hand.

That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old.

My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village. In his wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one you respect and love the most?"

Without thinking, he answered," My sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.

"When I was in primary school, the school was in different village. Everyday, my sister and I walked for 2 hours to go school and go home. One day, I lost one of my pair of gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She only wore one glove and walked for so far. When we got home, her hand was so trembled because of the weather that was so cold that she could not even hold her chopsticks. From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and be good to her."

Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their attentions to me.

Words were so hard to come out from my mouth, "In my whole life, the one I would like to thank the most is my brother,"

And in this happy occasion, in front of the crowd, tears rolling down my face again.