nina was just commenting on my posts...that the 'brother' one is touching...and the post about me is... (in her words, hope she doesn't mind)
'dunno. but it felt like i totally didn't know you at all.'
hmmm. how to put it? i guess it's not that bad. i was still myself, trying to be as honest as i can be in sec 4...but then it's like, so many things happening in the class. i didn't want to unload anything much
1) i'm afraid. i was fearful of what huiqing would have viewed me (her being my best friend and all)
2) i felt that i would adding on to the burdens that everyone already has.
3) i wanted to be that pillar of strength that people can consult. can ask for advice. can come to talk to me when they're troubled. and in my own naive way, i thought that that's the way to be. i didn't know how else to be. i didn't know that being myself is enough. i really wanted to help.
but that was before.
really. when i think about how God has changed me, one thing i marvel the most is how God has changed my attitude towards sharing openly about my problems and sharing openly about things which may make me vulnerable. God showed me that in the family of God, we have a covenant with each other. God showed me that it's okay, i don't have to do what i did in sec 4. that i can really help others by sharing what i went through as well. God helped me to open up. that God gave us friends, gave us brothers and sisters for us to help each other up in times of troubles and needs as well. ('two are better than one')
i found security in God. i found love in Him. and through the love He's given Him, i can love others more.
so i guess you can get to know me more once more? hahaha. i'm still xinying, trying to be as honest as can be and trying to love others the way God loves me.