when you start to sing to yourself in the middle of the night
when others are sleeping, and your lamp's still burning bright
when all that's in your mind are whimsical lines
perhaps it's a sign that..
you're going mad
mad
mad mad mad
mad
mad
mad mad mad.
prance prance hop hop
a spotted mushroom fairy shop
prance prance hop hop
buttons that say go or stop
prance prance hop hop
see there's where the fairy lies
prance prance hop hop
a million ways to make brains pop.
i'm not crazy
i'm not mad
i am just a little over the top
or maybe i'm the top.
spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning.
i see purple suns and orange clouds and pink pokka dotted cows flying around. i see a field where trumpets play and marshmellows tan themselves all day --> self-roasted marshmallows!
come play, they say
join the world of wonderland
come play, they say
come join us today!
dance in wild abandonment, lead the moves astray.
one foot in the realm of dreams, another in reality.
reality. reality. the heavy weight of reality.
the ton that's pulled along by your dancing feet.
a languid shuffling of the feet. a conscious out of darkness peeps.
it's time for sleep.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Consider Paul and his life.
How his diligence and constant pursuit of areas (be it in the persecution of christians, or in planting God's church) which he's passionate in brings him far.
Consider his preparation for ministry, the knowledge he's had, and his ability to translate this knowledge from the head to the hands.
And consider his perseverance in times of trials and temptations, and his determination to finish what he's started.
At the same time that I see my own potential, I see my own weaknesses (bleagh). I see the possible tug of wars and the possible outcomes. I see the temptations that can draw me away from the potential, as well as possible reactions to such temptations. May the Holy Spirit who gives me insight guide me to my potential as well.
------------------------------------------
As I was writing the script today, I was thinking about how I'm not the most creative person around. Amazed at the vast variety of talents God's creation has.
------------------------------------------
Habbo O.o
LOL.
Mentioned 'cos we were talking about logos and commenting on the 3D perspective one. Kinda evoked a whole line of memories. lol. memories that won't make sense to anyone who don't know habbo or habbolitez. haha!
A small tribute. lol. how shall I start?
.Lise.Falling furniture.Credits.Habbo Club.Habbo Sofas.Habbolitez.eLitez.Charlie's angels.counselling.afking on rollers.stijlistik.masters in architecture.overnight in school cutting up models.stickychewychocobabey.basbaby.mwammy.nieeniee.platodino.jasbunny.firestarter.JST.joearies.shub.fudgie.otokonohito.hosayboh.korkor.dentist.rongfang.sonyaray.preAmt. deejaying.admin of habbolitez.pixels.building rooms.latenight deejaying.dragons.appledoe.knowing sulake people personally.banning.jiayan.sharkiedo.photoshop.latenight talks.sleeping at 6am.
two room photos below. one is a project i've never completed. the other is a room i'm proud of. both are a terrible waste of money and show bad stewardship of finance =]
The above room costs more than a hundred sing dollars to build. I'm lazy to count how much exactly.
Not counting the stickies, the teleport, the two ducks and the photos, the flowers and the candles cost S$35.10 in all.
wah. really a waste of money. O.o
Okay. that's all :) the one and only tribute to habbo and litez. lol. thanks for the spiciness in people relations (ranging from married couples to bgr problems) and the many things i've learned!
How his diligence and constant pursuit of areas (be it in the persecution of christians, or in planting God's church) which he's passionate in brings him far.
Consider his preparation for ministry, the knowledge he's had, and his ability to translate this knowledge from the head to the hands.
And consider his perseverance in times of trials and temptations, and his determination to finish what he's started.
At the same time that I see my own potential, I see my own weaknesses (bleagh). I see the possible tug of wars and the possible outcomes. I see the temptations that can draw me away from the potential, as well as possible reactions to such temptations. May the Holy Spirit who gives me insight guide me to my potential as well.
------------------------------------------
As I was writing the script today, I was thinking about how I'm not the most creative person around. Amazed at the vast variety of talents God's creation has.
------------------------------------------
Habbo O.o
LOL.
Mentioned 'cos we were talking about logos and commenting on the 3D perspective one. Kinda evoked a whole line of memories. lol. memories that won't make sense to anyone who don't know habbo or habbolitez. haha!
A small tribute. lol. how shall I start?
.Lise.Falling furniture.Credits.Habbo Club.Habbo Sofas.Habbolitez.eLitez.Charlie's angels.counselling.afking on rollers.stijlistik.masters in architecture.overnight in school cutting up models.stickychewychocobabey.basbaby.mwammy.nieeniee.platodino.jasbunny.firestarter.JST.joearies.shub.fudgie.otokonohito.hosayboh.korkor.dentist.rongfang.sonyaray.preAmt. deejaying.admin of habbolitez.pixels.building rooms.latenight deejaying.dragons.appledoe.knowing sulake people personally.banning.jiayan.sharkiedo.photoshop.latenight talks.sleeping at 6am.
two room photos below. one is a project i've never completed. the other is a room i'm proud of. both are a terrible waste of money and show bad stewardship of finance =]
The above room costs more than a hundred sing dollars to build. I'm lazy to count how much exactly.
Not counting the stickies, the teleport, the two ducks and the photos, the flowers and the candles cost S$35.10 in all.
wah. really a waste of money. O.o
Okay. that's all :) the one and only tribute to habbo and litez. lol. thanks for the spiciness in people relations (ranging from married couples to bgr problems) and the many things i've learned!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tempting job (to me) below...
VWO Name : Samaritans Of Singapore
Designation : Programme Executive/Counsellor
Requirements :
* A bachelor's degree preferably in counselling or
social work.
* 2 to 3 years counselling experience.
* Fluent in English and Mandarin (spoken and written), and preferably in some Chinese dialects.
* Has good interpersonal skills and able to work as a team.
* Conversant with MS Words, Excel and PowerPoint.
Description :
* To be involved in client work, especially with persons who have lost someone through suicide, through counseling and group work in Mandarin, and preparation of evaluation reports.
* To assist in volunteer management including training and supervising volunteers, as well as providing support to volunteers.
* To undertake special projects and other duties when assigned.
------------------------------------
There was another one.. with the opportunity to dabble in the area of prisons. hahaa. Sounds interesting, but not so much for me i suppose.
The above job was tempting to me 'cos of the involvement in client work, as well as in volunteer management (which has been increasingly on my mind these days, maybe 'cos of team coaches course. haha).
Power point at macs doesn't work! hahaha. faints.
VWO Name : Samaritans Of Singapore
Designation : Programme Executive/Counsellor
Requirements :
* A bachelor's degree preferably in counselling or
social work.
* 2 to 3 years counselling experience.
* Fluent in English and Mandarin (spoken and written), and preferably in some Chinese dialects.
* Has good interpersonal skills and able to work as a team.
* Conversant with MS Words, Excel and PowerPoint.
Description :
* To be involved in client work, especially with persons who have lost someone through suicide, through counseling and group work in Mandarin, and preparation of evaluation reports.
* To assist in volunteer management including training and supervising volunteers, as well as providing support to volunteers.
* To undertake special projects and other duties when assigned.
------------------------------------
There was another one.. with the opportunity to dabble in the area of prisons. hahaa. Sounds interesting, but not so much for me i suppose.
The above job was tempting to me 'cos of the involvement in client work, as well as in volunteer management (which has been increasingly on my mind these days, maybe 'cos of team coaches course. haha).
Power point at macs doesn't work! hahaha. faints.
Macdonalds is really a bad place to settle down and write scripts. Besides trashy music from the overhead playing radio station, there's still jarring music from some other source that threatens to dam up the smooth maple syrupy flow of thoughts that was flowing just a second or two ago.
Wanted to go to hemisphere cafe (nice and quiet to plan and think) but
1) troublesome to travel all the way down to somerset and then travel down to tanjong pagar
2) no power point.
Then, I considered Just Acia, but..
1) too expensive
2) troublesome to travel as well (though not as troublesome as hemisphere.
Afterwhich, I contemplated travelling down to tanjong pagar, but distinctly recalled that there was only burger king at international plaza. ah well.
I figured that Starbucks will be a good place, but I'm worried that I may fall asleep. Again, there's also the budget thing to consider.
So I'm settled in toa payoh macs, in one corner, hogging the only power supply available in the restaurant for laptops and having a fine time typing out this post :) The jarring music has since ceased its intrusion due to termination done on it, and the trashy overhead music has been transformed into something a little more pleasant :)
Thank God.
Wanted to go to hemisphere cafe (nice and quiet to plan and think) but
1) troublesome to travel all the way down to somerset and then travel down to tanjong pagar
2) no power point.
Then, I considered Just Acia, but..
1) too expensive
2) troublesome to travel as well (though not as troublesome as hemisphere.
Afterwhich, I contemplated travelling down to tanjong pagar, but distinctly recalled that there was only burger king at international plaza. ah well.
I figured that Starbucks will be a good place, but I'm worried that I may fall asleep. Again, there's also the budget thing to consider.
So I'm settled in toa payoh macs, in one corner, hogging the only power supply available in the restaurant for laptops and having a fine time typing out this post :) The jarring music has since ceased its intrusion due to termination done on it, and the trashy overhead music has been transformed into something a little more pleasant :)
Thank God.
Written at 10.48pm in Centrepoint Macdonalds.
Of a mind that burns
Of wheels that do not turn
Of thoughts that froze
Of lines that do not flow
A bundle of ideas which
Like a ball of twine
Intertwines.
Jumbled up in its chaotic mess.
An unceasing flame balled up
Concealed in a mass
Yet to be pawed at
Yet to be deciphered
Yet to be cleared and written down.
----------------------------------
Music that jarred my thoughts, adding grit to the wheels of my mind.
................................
Can't stand people who blame everything on other people but don't take a look at themselves and realize that the problem lies in them. Grrrr.
Of a mind that burns
Of wheels that do not turn
Of thoughts that froze
Of lines that do not flow
A bundle of ideas which
Like a ball of twine
Intertwines.
Jumbled up in its chaotic mess.
An unceasing flame balled up
Concealed in a mass
Yet to be pawed at
Yet to be deciphered
Yet to be cleared and written down.
----------------------------------
Music that jarred my thoughts, adding grit to the wheels of my mind.
................................
Can't stand people who blame everything on other people but don't take a look at themselves and realize that the problem lies in them. Grrrr.
Chi is becoming somewhat of a hindrance to my ministry 'cos
1) he blocks parts of the keyboard..
2) he likes to walk on the keyboard
3) he likes to suckle on my finger, thereby reducing my efficiency and attention by half.
hahaha.
poor cat probably feels neglected ever since maomi started to come into the house again :)
1) he blocks parts of the keyboard..
2) he likes to walk on the keyboard
3) he likes to suckle on my finger, thereby reducing my efficiency and attention by half.
hahaha.
poor cat probably feels neglected ever since maomi started to come into the house again :)
Friday, July 25, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
we live in an ungrateful generation.
meaningless! meaningless! everything is meaningless!
a chasing after the wind.
the stable structure which crumbles beneath the weight of arguments.
the selfishness of human beings
who seek to impose what they desire on others.
it's a generation of self gratification. of self indulgence. of self pity.
it's the generation of the self.
meaningless! meaningless! everything is meaningless!
a chasing after the wind.
the stable structure which crumbles beneath the weight of arguments.
the selfishness of human beings
who seek to impose what they desire on others.
it's a generation of self gratification. of self indulgence. of self pity.
it's the generation of the self.
Heard this song today when I was searching around for songs to update myself...
Can't get the standalone player, so gotta make do with the playlist. Think this song touched my heart. Not because I've lost someone recently, but maybe more of how it evokes memories of loss (especially those from the modules i've studied in the past 2 semesters.. ah.) in my mind.
I think it's times when I remember of these things, that I remember pf why petty things don't matter much to me. Oh well.
Can't get the standalone player, so gotta make do with the playlist. Think this song touched my heart. Not because I've lost someone recently, but maybe more of how it evokes memories of loss (especially those from the modules i've studied in the past 2 semesters.. ah.) in my mind.
I think it's times when I remember of these things, that I remember pf why petty things don't matter much to me. Oh well.
Today we learned about volunteer management :) kinda like a follow up from last yr's course.. albeit more practical and more in depth :)
Realized that the class consisted of a picnic of people with the giftings of service, admin, teaching and discernment O.o If i'm not wrong, i was the only one who doesn't have the gift of admin or gift of service as the top 2. lol.
On one hand, it makes me wonder why i'm in a course for team track.. on another hand, it shows that you don't have to be a person with the natural giftings in that area to serve in that area :) (e.g. you don't have to be a person with the gift of teaching to teach. you don't have to be a person of intellectual pathway to read up :)
yay.
I remember how i really didn't like counter after the payment thing comes into its task profile('cos i hated to deal with money). so i brought in the pastoral side of things. thank God for how he's changed the counter along the way :) think it's more balanced now. thank God also for the people who have a passion in this area :)
hmmm.
we also evaluated one of the most wellrated recruitment advertisement in the world nowadays.. haha. google's recruitment advertisement! hahahaa. it can be found here!. Take a look at it and learn :D it's targetted at female engineers btw.
steven also introduced to us a free software online which caught my attention from the first moment he started to use it.. :D it's a mindmap software. (sorry, softwares make me happy. hurhur. so does beautiful firefox customizations:D). Search freemind on google and download away :)
Speaking of Steven, was quite amazed that he remembers me from 5 years ago. he remembers that i was in media (until i transferred over to youth.. transition to tertiary rendered no changed in ministry as i was heading the tertiary side then).
lol. my first ministry :) haha.
Realized that the class consisted of a picnic of people with the giftings of service, admin, teaching and discernment O.o If i'm not wrong, i was the only one who doesn't have the gift of admin or gift of service as the top 2. lol.
On one hand, it makes me wonder why i'm in a course for team track.. on another hand, it shows that you don't have to be a person with the natural giftings in that area to serve in that area :) (e.g. you don't have to be a person with the gift of teaching to teach. you don't have to be a person of intellectual pathway to read up :)
yay.
I remember how i really didn't like counter after the payment thing comes into its task profile('cos i hated to deal with money). so i brought in the pastoral side of things. thank God for how he's changed the counter along the way :) think it's more balanced now. thank God also for the people who have a passion in this area :)
hmmm.
we also evaluated one of the most wellrated recruitment advertisement in the world nowadays.. haha. google's recruitment advertisement! hahahaa. it can be found here!. Take a look at it and learn :D it's targetted at female engineers btw.
steven also introduced to us a free software online which caught my attention from the first moment he started to use it.. :D it's a mindmap software. (sorry, softwares make me happy. hurhur. so does beautiful firefox customizations:D). Search freemind on google and download away :)
Speaking of Steven, was quite amazed that he remembers me from 5 years ago. he remembers that i was in media (until i transferred over to youth.. transition to tertiary rendered no changed in ministry as i was heading the tertiary side then).
lol. my first ministry :) haha.
I was quite tempted to download a rpg just now to play.. but figured that i won't have enough time. lol.
Random:
I also want to be the angel! :(
(it's more important to be accountable to God than liked by pple. sounds harsh ah. hahaha)
Swensen's has a 9.90 deal for all food items (except for crayfish pasta, party platter and main courses) and free flow of soft drinks (choose between grape, sprite and coke).
i missed manmi's and meiyun's convocation today 'cos of sowing :S lol.
Random:
I also want to be the angel! :(
(it's more important to be accountable to God than liked by pple. sounds harsh ah. hahaha)
Swensen's has a 9.90 deal for all food items (except for crayfish pasta, party platter and main courses) and free flow of soft drinks (choose between grape, sprite and coke).
i missed manmi's and meiyun's convocation today 'cos of sowing :S lol.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Met up with (from left)weezi, yileng, fungi and huiyuan yesterday at ricetable. lol. supposed to have more pple.. but well :)
i told them i'll blog about yileng's scandalous questions, but on second thought, it's probably not very good :) (she had quite a few. the mildest of which include asking about having flings out of a relationship.) ha ha ha. was gonna say something along the lines of 'what if she jia bu chu qu after this', but then i figure that won't happen XD lol.
fungi a.k.a lieutenant chew is going to brunei for her training soon. woohoo. have fun:)
hmmm. weezi's going on to masters. whahaa. so fast.
and huiyuan's going to nie!:)
so fast too :)
Should there be a day, someday
where darkness choose to come and stay
when light doth fades, when madness bades,
i still believe You'll make a way
should there be a night, just might,
where dawn seems not to be in sight
when cold winds blow, when shadows show
i still believe it'll come - Your light.
I don't have to wait
Till what's written and said
Comes to pass before my eyes
But by a faith
By foundations laid
I trust in you through lows and highs
I'll be calm and sedate
I will not hesitate
To turn away from deception and lies
And seek your face
Listen to what you say
I'll take hold of truth, be changed by it all my life.
Copyright: xinying. 210708. 2.57am
where darkness choose to come and stay
when light doth fades, when madness bades,
i still believe You'll make a way
should there be a night, just might,
where dawn seems not to be in sight
when cold winds blow, when shadows show
i still believe it'll come - Your light.
I don't have to wait
Till what's written and said
Comes to pass before my eyes
But by a faith
By foundations laid
I trust in you through lows and highs
I'll be calm and sedate
I will not hesitate
To turn away from deception and lies
And seek your face
Listen to what you say
I'll take hold of truth, be changed by it all my life.
Copyright: xinying. 210708. 2.57am
Random thoughts that have been in my mind..
-----------------------------------
going back to my favourite psalm...
My flesh and my heart may fail
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever:)
amen.
sometimes i feel like doing a Jonah when difficulties come, but God calls us to be a Joshua at times like this.
sometimes i feel like just doing a Mary, sitting down, listening. or Mary of the alabaster jar.. adoring the King with the little that i have. but at some of these times God reminds me of Aaron.
-----------------------------------
being in the education department is quite enjoyable :) hahaha.
it gives me the reason to read books. picking up books make me happy 'cos
1) i can read fast (thank God!)
2) i like to gather knowledge (intellectual pathway :P)
3) sometimes it's my excuse for procrastination (okayokay. i will repent in this:)
word for life also makes me happy. lol. thoroughly enjoyed the word recent wfl session by wj because it touched on doctrines(!) and doctrines spark off something inside me. kinda like the soul singing :)
praise and worship allows my soul to sing too :)
-----------------------------------
David is my favourite bible character. lol.
(quite random. i think 'cos recently just transferred to yp. and yp's leader is David. so it kinda always reminds me of David in the bible as well.)
he's my favourite bible character 'cos i identify with him :) lol. maybe not in the lusting after bathsheba and being a shepherd boy part... but in his cries to God, in his exuberance before God, in the beauty of psalms while talking to God. in his freedom to dance before God, in his intricate and honest attention to the emotions felt before God, in the uplifting of spirits everytime after singing to God...
His intimacy with God is something which i hope to continually grow in as well :)
----------------------------------
haha. i wonder if Jitsy'll be surprised when she comes back and finds that we're not in the same ministry anymore.. lol.
----------------------------------
still not used to being taken care of :)
----------------------------------
-----------------------------------
going back to my favourite psalm...
My flesh and my heart may fail
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever:)
amen.
sometimes i feel like doing a Jonah when difficulties come, but God calls us to be a Joshua at times like this.
sometimes i feel like just doing a Mary, sitting down, listening. or Mary of the alabaster jar.. adoring the King with the little that i have. but at some of these times God reminds me of Aaron.
-----------------------------------
being in the education department is quite enjoyable :) hahaha.
it gives me the reason to read books. picking up books make me happy 'cos
1) i can read fast (thank God!)
2) i like to gather knowledge (intellectual pathway :P)
3) sometimes it's my excuse for procrastination (okayokay. i will repent in this:)
word for life also makes me happy. lol. thoroughly enjoyed the word recent wfl session by wj because it touched on doctrines(!) and doctrines spark off something inside me. kinda like the soul singing :)
praise and worship allows my soul to sing too :)
-----------------------------------
David is my favourite bible character. lol.
(quite random. i think 'cos recently just transferred to yp. and yp's leader is David. so it kinda always reminds me of David in the bible as well.)
he's my favourite bible character 'cos i identify with him :) lol. maybe not in the lusting after bathsheba and being a shepherd boy part... but in his cries to God, in his exuberance before God, in the beauty of psalms while talking to God. in his freedom to dance before God, in his intricate and honest attention to the emotions felt before God, in the uplifting of spirits everytime after singing to God...
His intimacy with God is something which i hope to continually grow in as well :)
----------------------------------
haha. i wonder if Jitsy'll be surprised when she comes back and finds that we're not in the same ministry anymore.. lol.
----------------------------------
still not used to being taken care of :)
----------------------------------
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Finished "A brother's journey" by Richard R. Pelzer today.. haha. it's not as interesting as i thought it'd be.. but i guess mortifying all the same.
it's about child abuse. yup. anyone who wants to borrow the book can borrow it from me:)
watched 'a dark knight' with og Japan today as well :) hahaha. Joker's sadism was both fascinating and appalling. hahaa. oh.. but his way of doing things was really quite ingenious. literally a brilliant mind gone mad :) loved the gadgets of batman as well:) hahaa.
it's about child abuse. yup. anyone who wants to borrow the book can borrow it from me:)
watched 'a dark knight' with og Japan today as well :) hahaha. Joker's sadism was both fascinating and appalling. hahaa. oh.. but his way of doing things was really quite ingenious. literally a brilliant mind gone mad :) loved the gadgets of batman as well:) hahaa.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
hehe :) chi is somewhere in the living room, running about now :)
hmmm. have been putting off the post on the hongkong trip 'cos
1) too sleepy to type anything substantial
2) wondering how to bring it across
3) found it relatively troublesome to add a nice border to my hongkong photos :) haha. i have no idea why people get a natural border ard theirs when they upload onto blogger. did you add some script or something? O.o
at any rate, let me share some comments on it :)
i think it was a very frustrating trip. hahaha. (not tt it was of any laughing matter during the trip itself.) i really missed the company of the hope people :)
frustrating 'cos of my family. hahaa. i have quite a dysfunctional family (not that i'm anywhere near perfect..). hahaa. i don't look down on them, or hate them, or complain about being born into this family (i used to last time.. but gradually understood that God has a purpose for putting me in this family.. :). there are times when i genuinely loved the individuals of the family.. times when i felt like strangling them.. and times when i just needed to pray for them.
family gatherings (or dinners together) stress me out because it usually ends in a quarrel. has been like this for the gatherings involving the whole family for the past few years.
it's okay if it's just me and my mum.. or me and my parents.. but put the whole family together and you'll have conflict. hahaa.
so putting the whole family together for 5 days was a disastrous move (but good that i can know my family more as well:)
my dad is a very blur dad. and quite outdated as well. he's pretty knowledgeable about the roads in singapore, about vehicles and about fishes.. but anything other than that, he kinda has not much knowledge about it. and that includes travelling in other countries. so throughout the trip, he'll ask questions. some of them make sense. some of them don't make sense. both irritate my mum and my sister. the ones that don't make sense irritate me. the ones that do, i explain to him.
my mum. she paid for the entire trip. thank God for her:) hmmm. she is more world-wise (if there's such a word), so she just trusts me and my sister to do the procedures which she doesn't understand ('cos they're in english). she's the most pleasant travelling companion in my family. lol.
my younger sister likes to throw tantrums when things do not go her way :P she threw at least 3 tantrums a day during the holiday. she's quite likeable when she's not throwing tantrums though. hahaa. i like her better when she's not throwing tantrums.
i spent most of my energy during the trip reminding myself about my identity, as well as resolving irritable emotions within myself to ensure that i do not allow anger to get over me. got myself quite tired during the trip but at least i got to know my family's style a bit more. 3rd to 5th day was better, 'cos i learned to let my sister finish throwing her tantrum before taking over from there (especially in finding places).
yup:)
will upload some photos here soon. hmmm. don't exactly like the photos in the first day 'cos i felt tt some of the photos were quite artificial... since my family looks cosy in those few seconds but go their seperate ways after the photo. but oh well:)
hopefully one day the photos will really reflect what's happening in reality:)
hmmm. have been putting off the post on the hongkong trip 'cos
1) too sleepy to type anything substantial
2) wondering how to bring it across
3) found it relatively troublesome to add a nice border to my hongkong photos :) haha. i have no idea why people get a natural border ard theirs when they upload onto blogger. did you add some script or something? O.o
at any rate, let me share some comments on it :)
i think it was a very frustrating trip. hahaha. (not tt it was of any laughing matter during the trip itself.) i really missed the company of the hope people :)
frustrating 'cos of my family. hahaa. i have quite a dysfunctional family (not that i'm anywhere near perfect..). hahaa. i don't look down on them, or hate them, or complain about being born into this family (i used to last time.. but gradually understood that God has a purpose for putting me in this family.. :). there are times when i genuinely loved the individuals of the family.. times when i felt like strangling them.. and times when i just needed to pray for them.
family gatherings (or dinners together) stress me out because it usually ends in a quarrel. has been like this for the gatherings involving the whole family for the past few years.
it's okay if it's just me and my mum.. or me and my parents.. but put the whole family together and you'll have conflict. hahaa.
so putting the whole family together for 5 days was a disastrous move (but good that i can know my family more as well:)
my dad is a very blur dad. and quite outdated as well. he's pretty knowledgeable about the roads in singapore, about vehicles and about fishes.. but anything other than that, he kinda has not much knowledge about it. and that includes travelling in other countries. so throughout the trip, he'll ask questions. some of them make sense. some of them don't make sense. both irritate my mum and my sister. the ones that don't make sense irritate me. the ones that do, i explain to him.
my mum. she paid for the entire trip. thank God for her:) hmmm. she is more world-wise (if there's such a word), so she just trusts me and my sister to do the procedures which she doesn't understand ('cos they're in english). she's the most pleasant travelling companion in my family. lol.
my younger sister likes to throw tantrums when things do not go her way :P she threw at least 3 tantrums a day during the holiday. she's quite likeable when she's not throwing tantrums though. hahaa. i like her better when she's not throwing tantrums.
i spent most of my energy during the trip reminding myself about my identity, as well as resolving irritable emotions within myself to ensure that i do not allow anger to get over me. got myself quite tired during the trip but at least i got to know my family's style a bit more. 3rd to 5th day was better, 'cos i learned to let my sister finish throwing her tantrum before taking over from there (especially in finding places).
yup:)
will upload some photos here soon. hmmm. don't exactly like the photos in the first day 'cos i felt tt some of the photos were quite artificial... since my family looks cosy in those few seconds but go their seperate ways after the photo. but oh well:)
hopefully one day the photos will really reflect what's happening in reality:)
Choleric is my new middle name (not that I have one :D)
Completing tasks is my new favourite game (hurhur)
and... task orientedness shall be my aim.
Oh well.
Not exactly.. trying to psycho myself=] hahaa. Got lots to accomplish these days (even when school hasn't started and I'm not working..). Looking forward to the completion of these things=] mainly things to be started and things to be planned out:)
Recently learned about project management in team coaches course:) it's quite a new field to me.. this thing about project management. I feel that it's quite a delicate balance between overseeing deadlines and being concerned about small details:)
Learned about the difference between being concerned about something and being worried about something:) How it's okay to be concerned.. but God calls us not to be worried about anything, but how we should, in prayer and petition present our requests to God:) Paul was always concerned about the church.. about the growth of the church (sending people to the church, writing letters to them), but he was not worried about them (he entrusted the church to God. He thanked God for the church). I think it's a fine line to draw ba:)
When we're concerned, we look forward. When we're worried, we look inwards.
-----------
Had YP1's second caregroup today!:) hahaa.
Was at fairfield methodist.. fairfield methodist was the place in which we had team captain's course=] ain't it fast how one year's passed? We've not set into momentum what we've planned out for counter last year.. haha. due to unforseen circumstances:)
was walking past the classrooms at the third level when i got reminded of a subdistrict (when zewei was still our sdl) long time ago (right before jesse joined us from youth.. heh) hahaa. fairfield contains interesting memories.
[at this moment, the silly chi is playing with the big furry mouse which is half of his size. hahaha. so funny.]
hmmm. played guitar for caregroup.
playing guitar for cg always makes me want to faint. hahaa. my love-hate relationship with my beautiful kal (that's the name of my guitar) remains. it swings like between love and hate, depending on whether there's a need for me to touch it or not. lol. I usually run away from him when it comes near the time for me to have to touch him, then fall in love with him once again...
[chi is trying to bite the keyboard... `and my finger on the keyboard..]
i love the sound of the guitar. i love to hear it resonate. i love it more when the person playing is not me. hahahaa.
can't type properly now tt chi is trying to get onto the keyboard. update more soon=]
Completing tasks is my new favourite game (hurhur)
and... task orientedness shall be my aim.
Oh well.
Not exactly.. trying to psycho myself=] hahaa. Got lots to accomplish these days (even when school hasn't started and I'm not working..). Looking forward to the completion of these things=] mainly things to be started and things to be planned out:)
Recently learned about project management in team coaches course:) it's quite a new field to me.. this thing about project management. I feel that it's quite a delicate balance between overseeing deadlines and being concerned about small details:)
Learned about the difference between being concerned about something and being worried about something:) How it's okay to be concerned.. but God calls us not to be worried about anything, but how we should, in prayer and petition present our requests to God:) Paul was always concerned about the church.. about the growth of the church (sending people to the church, writing letters to them), but he was not worried about them (he entrusted the church to God. He thanked God for the church). I think it's a fine line to draw ba:)
When we're concerned, we look forward. When we're worried, we look inwards.
-----------
Had YP1's second caregroup today!:) hahaa.
Was at fairfield methodist.. fairfield methodist was the place in which we had team captain's course=] ain't it fast how one year's passed? We've not set into momentum what we've planned out for counter last year.. haha. due to unforseen circumstances:)
was walking past the classrooms at the third level when i got reminded of a subdistrict (when zewei was still our sdl) long time ago (right before jesse joined us from youth.. heh) hahaa. fairfield contains interesting memories.
[at this moment, the silly chi is playing with the big furry mouse which is half of his size. hahaha. so funny.]
hmmm. played guitar for caregroup.
playing guitar for cg always makes me want to faint. hahaa. my love-hate relationship with my beautiful kal (that's the name of my guitar) remains. it swings like between love and hate, depending on whether there's a need for me to touch it or not. lol. I usually run away from him when it comes near the time for me to have to touch him, then fall in love with him once again...
[chi is trying to bite the keyboard... `and my finger on the keyboard..]
i love the sound of the guitar. i love to hear it resonate. i love it more when the person playing is not me. hahahaa.
can't type properly now tt chi is trying to get onto the keyboard. update more soon=]
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
I feel so tired. haha.
Physically tired out after spending the whole day at disneyland :)
Emotionally slightly tired out after having to spend these few days with my family. lol. spending time with my family is exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes excruciating. put four stubborn people and easily hot tempered people together and you'll get a very frustrating trip. lol. have to keep reminding myself of my identity in Christ, as well as to remind myself that everyone's got weaknesses. lol. It doesn't help that my family seems to like to adopt the policy (i just realized recently) of throwing a tantrum and pretending nothing has happened after that O.o I'd want to talk it out, but they'll be like 'don't talk about it anymore.' ah well.
but there've been fun moments as well =] mostly during times of food and times of rides during disneyland. lol.
hmmm...
camera's run out of space after taking too many photos.. and i lost michelle's camera cover. i. am. so. dead. :\
lol.
ever since i came to the hotel, my only heart desire is to sit on my queen sized beds, cover myself with the comforter, prop myself up with the 2 huge pillows and read the books i've brought. lol. through the day or something...
but my parents and sister want to walk. walk. walk. walk. walk.
primarily 'cos i've been here before and they haven't. lol. so to them, this holiday is kinda like.. a holiday for sightseeing, for fun and laughter.
to me, i just want a holiday.. as in.. a nice comfortable break. haha.
i feel old :l wanting to stay indoors instead of going outdoors on a holiday. lol.
Physically tired out after spending the whole day at disneyland :)
Emotionally slightly tired out after having to spend these few days with my family. lol. spending time with my family is exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes excruciating. put four stubborn people and easily hot tempered people together and you'll get a very frustrating trip. lol. have to keep reminding myself of my identity in Christ, as well as to remind myself that everyone's got weaknesses. lol. It doesn't help that my family seems to like to adopt the policy (i just realized recently) of throwing a tantrum and pretending nothing has happened after that O.o I'd want to talk it out, but they'll be like 'don't talk about it anymore.' ah well.
but there've been fun moments as well =] mostly during times of food and times of rides during disneyland. lol.
hmmm...
camera's run out of space after taking too many photos.. and i lost michelle's camera cover. i. am. so. dead. :\
lol.
ever since i came to the hotel, my only heart desire is to sit on my queen sized beds, cover myself with the comforter, prop myself up with the 2 huge pillows and read the books i've brought. lol. through the day or something...
but my parents and sister want to walk. walk. walk. walk. walk.
primarily 'cos i've been here before and they haven't. lol. so to them, this holiday is kinda like.. a holiday for sightseeing, for fun and laughter.
to me, i just want a holiday.. as in.. a nice comfortable break. haha.
i feel old :l wanting to stay indoors instead of going outdoors on a holiday. lol.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Sunday, July 06, 2008
I'm blogging at this unearthly hour because my sister wants me to help her burn a CD.
gosh. was so tired out tonight that 2am felt like 5am to me.
I took a nap before i bathed because i was too tired to get out of my chair and bed.. and all i could manage was to get onto bed and sleep. (with my fingers stretched out so that chi can suckle on them)
Then woke up a while later to bathe and burn the disc.
lol.
thank God for ... guanrui! that he took care of chi in the past for me :) and that he still remembers chi. hehee.
thank God for ... huanyan! who offered to help take care of chi for the following week, but couldn't 'cos of his mum. but it's alright:) could see your heart. thanks anyway.
thank God for ... everyone else who offered to help one way or another but couldn't take care of Chi :) thanks to you anyway.
thank God for ... qimin! who readily opened up his house to chi :) hahaa. waiting for him to ask his parents and his maid (hope she's not scared of kittens!) lol.
yup.
i seriously have no idea how some people can juggle between taking care of a child, work, ministry, family.. lol. they have my utmost respect.
-----------------
first time on stage today :) observing a worship practice and really being a backup singer is really quite different. lol.
blessed by donald on thursday when he treated the worship team to supper! hahaa. i was asking him why he decided to treat us.. and he shared that he got his first pay and that he wanted to use some of it to treat the worship team. i can't remember what i said after that, but he added on to say that now i'm in the worship team as well.
wow.
such an interesting thought. the understanding that i'm in the worship team has not yet quite sunk in yet. lol.
i think being on stage is an interesting experience. all of a sudden, i don't know what to do with my hands. when you're in the audience worshipping and praising God, you can jump around, lift up your hands, wave them around. when i was on stage, i suddenly felt like i had too many hands (i still have 2 btw). hahaha. all i wanted to do was to hold the mic and sing. hahaha.
hmmm. worship was a short experience. it started when i closed my eyes, and ended when i opened them. lol.
i think during the heart preparation time before going on stage, i got reminded once again (out of the many times in the past week) that perfect love drives out fear. this verse came back again and again. lol. so i made the prayer for the love of God, the love of worship and the conviction that worship can touch and change people's lives (i sincerely believe this) to be the motivating force as to why i sing on stage.
the audience of one was what i was reminded of as well.
and during worship, i just prayed. prayed for God to move in the congregation. the reminder of how the stage ministers must worship before they can lead the congregation to worship God.
it really was an enjoyable experience :) hahaa. looking forward to the next chance! (if i can get through the probation. haha!)
just a bit worried that i may not be able to spend time during service with my caregroup.. what with the hongkong trip coming up, as well as the consecutive counter duties due to swopping of duty with crystal and the case. ah. really hope the case closes soon. so many things at a standstill in the ministry for a period of time because of it. worried about it 'cos of the splitting of service soon as well.
gosh. was so tired out tonight that 2am felt like 5am to me.
I took a nap before i bathed because i was too tired to get out of my chair and bed.. and all i could manage was to get onto bed and sleep. (with my fingers stretched out so that chi can suckle on them)
Then woke up a while later to bathe and burn the disc.
lol.
thank God for ... guanrui! that he took care of chi in the past for me :) and that he still remembers chi. hehee.
thank God for ... huanyan! who offered to help take care of chi for the following week, but couldn't 'cos of his mum. but it's alright:) could see your heart. thanks anyway.
thank God for ... everyone else who offered to help one way or another but couldn't take care of Chi :) thanks to you anyway.
thank God for ... qimin! who readily opened up his house to chi :) hahaa. waiting for him to ask his parents and his maid (hope she's not scared of kittens!) lol.
yup.
i seriously have no idea how some people can juggle between taking care of a child, work, ministry, family.. lol. they have my utmost respect.
-----------------
first time on stage today :) observing a worship practice and really being a backup singer is really quite different. lol.
blessed by donald on thursday when he treated the worship team to supper! hahaa. i was asking him why he decided to treat us.. and he shared that he got his first pay and that he wanted to use some of it to treat the worship team. i can't remember what i said after that, but he added on to say that now i'm in the worship team as well.
wow.
such an interesting thought. the understanding that i'm in the worship team has not yet quite sunk in yet. lol.
i think being on stage is an interesting experience. all of a sudden, i don't know what to do with my hands. when you're in the audience worshipping and praising God, you can jump around, lift up your hands, wave them around. when i was on stage, i suddenly felt like i had too many hands (i still have 2 btw). hahaha. all i wanted to do was to hold the mic and sing. hahaha.
hmmm. worship was a short experience. it started when i closed my eyes, and ended when i opened them. lol.
i think during the heart preparation time before going on stage, i got reminded once again (out of the many times in the past week) that perfect love drives out fear. this verse came back again and again. lol. so i made the prayer for the love of God, the love of worship and the conviction that worship can touch and change people's lives (i sincerely believe this) to be the motivating force as to why i sing on stage.
the audience of one was what i was reminded of as well.
and during worship, i just prayed. prayed for God to move in the congregation. the reminder of how the stage ministers must worship before they can lead the congregation to worship God.
it really was an enjoyable experience :) hahaa. looking forward to the next chance! (if i can get through the probation. haha!)
just a bit worried that i may not be able to spend time during service with my caregroup.. what with the hongkong trip coming up, as well as the consecutive counter duties due to swopping of duty with crystal and the case. ah. really hope the case closes soon. so many things at a standstill in the ministry for a period of time because of it. worried about it 'cos of the splitting of service soon as well.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
I have a fussy kitten on my hands.
lol.
After feeding him with tuna and other delicacies (e.g. aloe vera, salmon, chicken) for two weeks or so, he's now fussing over his food and decides to abandon the dry biscuit form for normal kittens.
I guess that's why sometimes it's not good to indulge your pet. Probably works the same for human beings as well. Pamper too much and they get uncomfortable with discipline. Let them run loose and they think they know everything. Pride comes in. Self-centeredness comes in. And then they start to think they have the right to feel that way, forgetting how from the start it was never their right in the first place. That from the start they have been a stray, and it was only because of grace given that they can have what they have today.
Thankfulness ah. It's an important thing for all of us to have.
Even for cats:)
Was telling Justin today during the 5 min technical break for team coaches course that we stole their leader. haha. Justin's remark actually opened a perspective that I haven't really been considering much.
He very honestly and sincerely said something along the lines of "ya lor. can feel their absence greatly in the CG..."
Perhaps along the way, even as the people who're moving on to YP group learn to adjust to the new environment, this group of people may have forgotten that there are three other people are adjusting to this new environment too. That's it's not just us who are dealing with changes, it's not just us learning to be open to new ideas or new things coming our way, it's not just us who are vulnerable at this stage of transition as well.
And it's certainly not just us who're missing their original caregroup, or the friends they have in the ministry before this.
Everyone is adjusting. And everyone has people who miss them. Everyone has people whom they miss.
I think it's a small reminder to me (and hopefully to whoever reads this) that in times of transition when we tend to be more self-centered and tend to be more inward looking, waiting to see how people can meet our needs (sometimes having that inward misunderstanding that people should meet our needs), hopefully we will not forget that everyone is going through transition at this moment as well.
Let's take care of each other together.
lol.
After feeding him with tuna and other delicacies (e.g. aloe vera, salmon, chicken) for two weeks or so, he's now fussing over his food and decides to abandon the dry biscuit form for normal kittens.
I guess that's why sometimes it's not good to indulge your pet. Probably works the same for human beings as well. Pamper too much and they get uncomfortable with discipline. Let them run loose and they think they know everything. Pride comes in. Self-centeredness comes in. And then they start to think they have the right to feel that way, forgetting how from the start it was never their right in the first place. That from the start they have been a stray, and it was only because of grace given that they can have what they have today.
Thankfulness ah. It's an important thing for all of us to have.
Even for cats:)
Was telling Justin today during the 5 min technical break for team coaches course that we stole their leader. haha. Justin's remark actually opened a perspective that I haven't really been considering much.
He very honestly and sincerely said something along the lines of "ya lor. can feel their absence greatly in the CG..."
Perhaps along the way, even as the people who're moving on to YP group learn to adjust to the new environment, this group of people may have forgotten that there are three other people are adjusting to this new environment too. That's it's not just us who are dealing with changes, it's not just us learning to be open to new ideas or new things coming our way, it's not just us who are vulnerable at this stage of transition as well.
And it's certainly not just us who're missing their original caregroup, or the friends they have in the ministry before this.
Everyone is adjusting. And everyone has people who miss them. Everyone has people whom they miss.
I think it's a small reminder to me (and hopefully to whoever reads this) that in times of transition when we tend to be more self-centered and tend to be more inward looking, waiting to see how people can meet our needs (sometimes having that inward misunderstanding that people should meet our needs), hopefully we will not forget that everyone is going through transition at this moment as well.
Let's take care of each other together.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
There was a young boy who played with the traffic lights. He got bored, so he ran out onto the road. Just then, a car came zooming by. The father saw, ran to hug the boy and got hit instead.
And he died.
But the boy survived.
When I came back today, I saw a wake at the block beside mine. A little surprised, considering that it wasn't there earlier on.
The sacrifice of a father for his son.
And he died.
But the boy survived.
When I came back today, I saw a wake at the block beside mine. A little surprised, considering that it wasn't there earlier on.
The sacrifice of a father for his son.
I like to remember dates!:) I'm quite bad at birth dates though. Dates that are significant to me are easier to remember. If your birthday falls in the same month as mine, it's easier for me to remember too :) haha.
30th June, 5 years ago, was the day that I became a member of Hope Church Singapore!:) haha. okay. not important to anyone out there...
Yesterday Jiali mentioned reading an entry long time ago when i didn't even know her name. hahaa. I think for me blogging serves two purposes - for archiving/memory's sake, as well as for the sharing of ideas and beliefs:) Remembering dates and blogging them down is kinda my way of replicating Israel's building of a stone structure in remembrance of the times God moved in their lives.
-------------
ACTScalibre camp was an interesting experience:) I realized that
1) I'm super unfit! hahaa. Running around on the first night with Peru has caused me to throw my hands up in desperation and give up running, while at the same time shouting to them to go forth before me to get their two gold medals. hahaha.
2) I can get quite irritated at people who don't listen to instructions. Perhaps I take it a little too personally:)Can learn much from Derek who calmly referees and saves his voice. lol.
3) I miss my tan. lol. The colour I am now used to be the colour I was at a few years ago! hahaa. Don't know why people don't like tans :) haha. Maybe 'cos it's not very good for the skin ba.
4) I'm actually quite scared to sing. HAHA. On Saturday night, when Derek was practicing with Manmi for the song presentation, and subsequently when Huili asked if the song can be more coloured and Derek pointed to me to sing with him 'cos I just happened to be free to write the last line of the song and sing with them then, I was like O.O and was thinking 'noooooooooo.... my voice is not good.' lol.
Derek reminded me that it's not so much about the voice, but rather the passion in singing :)
Really thank God for the presentation. I think all four of us have our own inadequacies and we were all quite scared (because of various things). But thank God that it went well.. experienced the grace that came along. I was having a sore throat (a painful one) 'cos I was eating fillet o fish before the presentation. LOL. I totally didn't expect a sore throat. My voice was not opened and it's not in the best of condition, but i wasn't having a sore throat before that. haha. And i was still having a sore throat when I went up with them to sing.
Imagine my amazement when I realized I could reach the high notes. And imagine my amazement when I realized that my throat was perfectly well after singing. lol
Grace that covered over the weaknesses of human beings who have the desire to glorify Him :)
Thank God for the chance to know people better too :) and to see how people are rising up to the challenges put ahead of them.
It's amazing when people move. it's amazing when God moves.
30th June, 5 years ago, was the day that I became a member of Hope Church Singapore!:) haha. okay. not important to anyone out there...
Yesterday Jiali mentioned reading an entry long time ago when i didn't even know her name. hahaa. I think for me blogging serves two purposes - for archiving/memory's sake, as well as for the sharing of ideas and beliefs:) Remembering dates and blogging them down is kinda my way of replicating Israel's building of a stone structure in remembrance of the times God moved in their lives.
-------------
ACTScalibre camp was an interesting experience:) I realized that
1) I'm super unfit! hahaa. Running around on the first night with Peru has caused me to throw my hands up in desperation and give up running, while at the same time shouting to them to go forth before me to get their two gold medals. hahaha.
2) I can get quite irritated at people who don't listen to instructions. Perhaps I take it a little too personally:)Can learn much from Derek who calmly referees and saves his voice. lol.
3) I miss my tan. lol. The colour I am now used to be the colour I was at a few years ago! hahaa. Don't know why people don't like tans :) haha. Maybe 'cos it's not very good for the skin ba.
4) I'm actually quite scared to sing. HAHA. On Saturday night, when Derek was practicing with Manmi for the song presentation, and subsequently when Huili asked if the song can be more coloured and Derek pointed to me to sing with him 'cos I just happened to be free to write the last line of the song and sing with them then, I was like O.O and was thinking 'noooooooooo.... my voice is not good.' lol.
Derek reminded me that it's not so much about the voice, but rather the passion in singing :)
Really thank God for the presentation. I think all four of us have our own inadequacies and we were all quite scared (because of various things). But thank God that it went well.. experienced the grace that came along. I was having a sore throat (a painful one) 'cos I was eating fillet o fish before the presentation. LOL. I totally didn't expect a sore throat. My voice was not opened and it's not in the best of condition, but i wasn't having a sore throat before that. haha. And i was still having a sore throat when I went up with them to sing.
Imagine my amazement when I realized I could reach the high notes. And imagine my amazement when I realized that my throat was perfectly well after singing. lol
Grace that covered over the weaknesses of human beings who have the desire to glorify Him :)
Thank God for the chance to know people better too :) and to see how people are rising up to the challenges put ahead of them.
It's amazing when people move. it's amazing when God moves.
My life revolves around two males these days.
The first is old. Very old.
He has been since the beginning of time. In fact, He's the beginning and the End.
He holds my future in His hands.
He never lets go of my right hand.
He saw me when I was being formed and He knows when I will die.
I learn to love because He first loved me.
He is the reason why I sing.
And the reason why I do the things I do.
Without Him, I can't live. I may be alive, but I will not be living.
The second is young. Very young.
I was not with him at the beginning. I wonder if I can be with him at his end.
He can't hold much in his hands.
Sometimes he'll jump onto my right hand and refuse to let go of biting it.
I was here before he was formed. I will probably still be here when he dies.
I learn to love his species over the years.
Sometimes I'll sing to him and wonder if he can listen.
I do things that tire me out at times because of him.
He lives with me, sleeps with me and eats with him when I'm in the house.
When I take care of the second, I sometimes get a glimpse of how the first takes care of me. I start to understand a little bit more of the first's feelings, of His concern, of His love, of His discipline even when i love, discipline and am concerned about the second.
yup.
a short excerpt about the two males in my life:)
Jesus and Chi.
The first is old. Very old.
He has been since the beginning of time. In fact, He's the beginning and the End.
He holds my future in His hands.
He never lets go of my right hand.
He saw me when I was being formed and He knows when I will die.
I learn to love because He first loved me.
He is the reason why I sing.
And the reason why I do the things I do.
Without Him, I can't live. I may be alive, but I will not be living.
The second is young. Very young.
I was not with him at the beginning. I wonder if I can be with him at his end.
He can't hold much in his hands.
Sometimes he'll jump onto my right hand and refuse to let go of biting it.
I was here before he was formed. I will probably still be here when he dies.
I learn to love his species over the years.
Sometimes I'll sing to him and wonder if he can listen.
I do things that tire me out at times because of him.
He lives with me, sleeps with me and eats with him when I'm in the house.
When I take care of the second, I sometimes get a glimpse of how the first takes care of me. I start to understand a little bit more of the first's feelings, of His concern, of His love, of His discipline even when i love, discipline and am concerned about the second.
yup.
a short excerpt about the two males in my life:)
Jesus and Chi.