Tuesday, July 31, 2012
took this from TotallyADD.com
"In fact, one of the things I’m learning from the course is that most ADDers tend to be next to useless by late afternoon. But we’ll just try and push through it, not getting that a task we could bang off in 30 minutes in the morning, or during our second wind in the evening, can take forever when we’re in our late afternoon brain doze.
Even if you can’t crash out at work, consider scheduling your day to match your energy levels if you can. Which, of course, means understanding and appreciating your energy levels and how much they vary. Coach Linda Walker’s course has us tracking our energy as one of the stepping stones to create a new way of working that dramatically ups our output."
--> ooh! so it seems like I'm not the only one whoe experiences this! that I'm most productive from 10am - 3/4pm, and then I have another spurt around 8pm-1am. haha
"In fact, one of the things I’m learning from the course is that most ADDers tend to be next to useless by late afternoon. But we’ll just try and push through it, not getting that a task we could bang off in 30 minutes in the morning, or during our second wind in the evening, can take forever when we’re in our late afternoon brain doze.
Even if you can’t crash out at work, consider scheduling your day to match your energy levels if you can. Which, of course, means understanding and appreciating your energy levels and how much they vary. Coach Linda Walker’s course has us tracking our energy as one of the stepping stones to create a new way of working that dramatically ups our output."
--> ooh! so it seems like I'm not the only one whoe experiences this! that I'm most productive from 10am - 3/4pm, and then I have another spurt around 8pm-1am. haha
The following is an article written by Dr Hallowell (with editting - mainly just boldening, from me. Bolded stuff means these are what I experience constantly. Italics are my own add-ons)
What is it like to have ADD? What is the feel of the syndrome? I have a short talk that I often give to groups as an introduction to the subjective experience of ADD and what it is like to live with it:
Attention Deficit Disorder. First of all, I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? As far as I can see, many people who don't have ADD are charter members of the Congenitally Boring.
But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have ADD? Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's reeeeally frustrating not being able to see very well. Or, it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.
In other ways it's like being super-charged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that which makes it really hard to stay on task.
Plus which, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, whistling, looking here, looking there, scratching, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence. God save me from the reading rooms. Have you ever been into the one in Widener Library? The only thing that saves it is that so many of the people who use it have ADD that there's a constant soothing bustle.
What is it like to have ADD?
Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADD, this does not happen. In ADD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.
Museums. (Have you noticed how I skip around? That's part of the deal. I change channels a lot. And radio stations. Drives my wife nuts. "Can't we listen to just one song all the way through?") Anyway, museums. The way I go through a museum is the way some people go through Filene's basement. Some of this, some of that, oh, this one looks nice, but what about that rack over there? Gotta hurry, gotta run. It's not that I don't like art. I love art. But my way of loving it makes most people think I'm a real Philistine. On the other hand, sometimes I can sit and look at one painting for a long while. I'll get into the world of the painting and buzz around in there until I forget about everything else. In these moments I, like most people with ADD, can hyperfocus, which gives the lie to the notion that we can never pay attention. Sometimes we have turbocharged focusing abilities. It just depends upon the situation.
Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the hell of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADD, lack tact. (Always got scolded in class for speaking out of turn, or bursting out answers. First shepherd taught me to write down my thoughts as they come so that I can hold them till the end of conversation before asking). Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADD-types don't do this so well. I remember in the 5th grade I noticed my math teacher's hair in a new style and blurted out, "Mr. Cook, is that a toupee you're wearing?" I got kicked out of class. I've since learned how to say these inappropriate things in such a way or at such a time that they can in fact be helpful. But it has taken time. That's the thing about ADD. It takes a lot of adapting to get on in life. But it certainly can be done, and be done very well.
As you might imagine, intimacy can be a problem if you've got to be constantly changing the subject, pacing, scratching and blurting out tactless remarks. My wife has learned not to take my tuning out personally, and she says that when I'm there, I'm really there. At first, when we met, she thought I was some kind of nut, as I would bolt out of restaurants at the end of meals or disappear to another planet during a conversation. Now she has grown accustomed to my sudden coming and goings.
Many of us with ADD crave high-stimulus situations. (i LOVE rollercoasters. haha. and anything that feels dangerous at the moment - including running across the road, going to unfamiliar places and getting myself lost). In my case, I love the racetrack. And I love the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy.(me too!) And I love having lots of people around. Obviously this tendency can get you into trouble, which is why ADD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and criminals, violent people, drug abusers, and alcoholics. But is is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly energetic, highly productive people.
Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADD has been diagnosed, and the child or the adult, with the help of teachers and parents or spouses, friends, and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck to himself and everybody else, that person starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADD among females as we are looking for it.
Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the shortcut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million-dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel. (experiential and visual. I read somewhere else that people with ADD tend to be a lot more visual. I agree. I've always wondered why though, as visuals have always appealed to me much more than the auditory.)
These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind, they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.
What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted.
The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like "lazy," "stubborn," "willful," "disruptive," "impossible," "tyrannical," "a spaceshot," "brain damaged," "stupid," or just plain "bad." Making the diagnosis of ADD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment
What is the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls (I've been putting in a lot more breaks for myself too. haha. and just the constant change of tasks is good.). Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. (I've been doing this. In that before I go into a portion of the day, like for eg, the time after work, I'd take 15-20 mins to just write out exactly what I'm going to do, what I need to get. I mentally rehearse the whole process of going out of school, taking the mrt, going to XX MRT, buying blah blah...So now I actually have 2 main planning times per day. One is at 4+pm before I end work, to work out what's to be done in the night, including when to sleep by, when to wake up by the next morning, what to get prepared. The next is at night, when I write out what's to be done the next day during work, exactly who to target/call/counsel/paperwork to be done/when to do/get who to do what...night time is also the time when I'd write down any creative ideas that pop into my mind to be done later.) Getting help where you need it, whether it's having a secretary, or an accountant, or an automatic bank teller, or a good filing system, or a home computer - getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.
Let me leave you by telling you that we need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.
The main point of the talk is that there is a more complex subjective experience to ADD than a list of symptoms can possibly impart. ADD is a way of life, and until recently it has been hidden, even from the view of those who have it. The human experience of ADD is more than just a collection of symptoms. It is a way of living. Before the syndrome is diagnosed that way of living may be filled with pain and misunderstanding. After the diagnosis is made, one often finds new possibilities and the chance for real change.
The adult syndrome of ADD, so long unrecognized, is now at last bursting upon the scene. Thankfully, millions of adults who have had to think of themselves as defective or unable to get their acts together, will instead be able to make the most of their considerable abilities. It is a hopeful time indeed.
What is it like to have ADD? What is the feel of the syndrome? I have a short talk that I often give to groups as an introduction to the subjective experience of ADD and what it is like to live with it:
Attention Deficit Disorder. First of all, I resent the term. As far as I'm concerned most people have Attention Surplus Disorder. I mean, life being what it is, who can pay attention to anything for very long? Is it really a sign of mental health to be able to balance your checkbook, sit still in your chair, and never speak out of turn? As far as I can see, many people who don't have ADD are charter members of the Congenitally Boring.
But anyway, be that as it may, there is this syndrome called ADD or ADHD, depending on what book you read. So what's it like to have ADD? Some people say the so-called syndrome doesn't even exist, but believe me, it does. Many metaphors come to mind to describe it. It's like driving in the rain with bad windshield wipers. Everything is smudged and blurred and you're speeding along, and it's reeeeally frustrating not being able to see very well. Or, it's like listening to a radio station with a lot of static and you have to strain to hear what's going on. Or, it's like trying to build a house of cards in a dust storm. You have to build a structure to protect yourself from the wind before you can even start on the cards.
In other ways it's like being super-charged all the time. You get one idea and you have to act on it, and then, what do you know, but you've got another idea before you've finished up with the first one, and so you go for that one, but of course a third idea intercepts the second, and you just have to follow that one, and pretty soon people are calling you disorganized and impulsive and all sorts of impolite words that miss the point completely. Because you're trying really hard. It's just that you have all these invisible vectors pulling you this way and that which makes it really hard to stay on task.
Plus which, you're spilling over all the time. You're drumming your fingers, tapping your feet, humming a song, whistling, looking here, looking there, scratching, stretching, doodling, and people think you're not paying attention or that you're not interested, but all you're doing is spilling over so that you can pay attention. I can pay a lot better attention when I'm taking a walk or listening to music or even when I'm in a crowded, noisy room than when I'm still and surrounded by silence. God save me from the reading rooms. Have you ever been into the one in Widener Library? The only thing that saves it is that so many of the people who use it have ADD that there's a constant soothing bustle.
What is it like to have ADD?
Buzzing. Being here and there and everywhere. Someone once said, "Time is the thing that keeps everything from happening all at once." Time parcels moments out into separate bits so that we can do one thing at a time. In ADD, this does not happen. In ADD, time collapses. Time becomes a black hole. To the person with ADD it feels as if everything is happening all at once. This creates a sense of inner turmoil or even panic. The individual loses perspective and the ability to prioritize. He or she is always on the go, trying to keep the world from caving in on top.
Museums. (Have you noticed how I skip around? That's part of the deal. I change channels a lot. And radio stations. Drives my wife nuts. "Can't we listen to just one song all the way through?") Anyway, museums. The way I go through a museum is the way some people go through Filene's basement. Some of this, some of that, oh, this one looks nice, but what about that rack over there? Gotta hurry, gotta run. It's not that I don't like art. I love art. But my way of loving it makes most people think I'm a real Philistine. On the other hand, sometimes I can sit and look at one painting for a long while. I'll get into the world of the painting and buzz around in there until I forget about everything else. In these moments I, like most people with ADD, can hyperfocus, which gives the lie to the notion that we can never pay attention. Sometimes we have turbocharged focusing abilities. It just depends upon the situation.
Lines. I'm almost incapable of waiting in lines. I just can't wait, you see. That's the hell of it. Impulse leads to action. I'm very short on what you might call the intermediate reflective step between impulse and action. That's why I, like so many people with ADD, lack tact. (Always got scolded in class for speaking out of turn, or bursting out answers. First shepherd taught me to write down my thoughts as they come so that I can hold them till the end of conversation before asking). Tact is entirely dependent on the ability to consider one's words before uttering them. We ADD-types don't do this so well. I remember in the 5th grade I noticed my math teacher's hair in a new style and blurted out, "Mr. Cook, is that a toupee you're wearing?" I got kicked out of class. I've since learned how to say these inappropriate things in such a way or at such a time that they can in fact be helpful. But it has taken time. That's the thing about ADD. It takes a lot of adapting to get on in life. But it certainly can be done, and be done very well.
As you might imagine, intimacy can be a problem if you've got to be constantly changing the subject, pacing, scratching and blurting out tactless remarks. My wife has learned not to take my tuning out personally, and she says that when I'm there, I'm really there. At first, when we met, she thought I was some kind of nut, as I would bolt out of restaurants at the end of meals or disappear to another planet during a conversation. Now she has grown accustomed to my sudden coming and goings.
Many of us with ADD crave high-stimulus situations. (i LOVE rollercoasters. haha. and anything that feels dangerous at the moment - including running across the road, going to unfamiliar places and getting myself lost). In my case, I love the racetrack. And I love the high-intensity crucible of doing psychotherapy.(me too!) And I love having lots of people around. Obviously this tendency can get you into trouble, which is why ADD is high among criminals and self-destructive risk-takers. It is also high among so-called Type A personalities, as well as among manic-depressives, sociopaths and criminals, violent people, drug abusers, and alcoholics. But is is also high among creative and intuitive people in all fields, and among highly energetic, highly productive people.
Which is to say there is a positive side to all this. Usually the positive doesn't get mentioned when people speak about ADD because there is a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong, or at least on what has to be somehow controlled. But often once the ADD has been diagnosed, and the child or the adult, with the help of teachers and parents or spouses, friends, and colleagues, has learned how to cope with it, an untapped realm of the brain swims into view. Suddenly the radio station is tuned in, the windshield is clear, the sand storm has died down. And the child or adult, who had been such a problem, such a nudge, such a general pain in the neck to himself and everybody else, that person starts doing things he'd never been able to do before. He surprises everyone around him, and he surprises himself. I use the male pronoun, but it could just as easily be she, as we are seeing more and more ADD among females as we are looking for it.
Often these people are highly imaginative and intuitive. They have a "feel" for things, a way of seeing right into the heart of matters while others have to reason their way along methodically. This is the person who can't explain how he thought of the solution, or where the idea for the story came from, or why suddenly he produced such a painting, or how he knew the shortcut to the answer, but all he can say is he just knew it, he could feel it. This is the man or woman who makes million-dollar deals in a catnap and pulls them off the next day. This is the child who, having been reprimanded for blurting something out, is then praised for having blurted out something brilliant. These are the people who learn and know and do and go by touch and feel. (experiential and visual. I read somewhere else that people with ADD tend to be a lot more visual. I agree. I've always wondered why though, as visuals have always appealed to me much more than the auditory.)
These people can feel a lot. In places where most of us are blind, they can, if not see the light, at least feel the light, and they can produce answers apparently out of the dark. It is important for others to be sensitive to this "sixth sense" many ADD people have, and to nurture it. If the environment insists on rational, linear thinking and "good" behavior from these people all the time, then they may never develop their intuitive style to the point where they can use it profitably. It can be exasperating to listen to people talk. They can sound so vague or rambling. But if you take them seriously and grope along with them, often you will find they are on the brink of startling conclusions or surprising solutions.
What I am saying is that their cognitive style is qualitatively different from most people's, and what may seem impaired, with patience and encouragement may become gifted.
The thing to remember is that if the diagnosis can be made, then most of the bad stuff associated with ADD can be avoided or contained. The diagnosis can be liberating, particularly for people who have been stuck with labels like "lazy," "stubborn," "willful," "disruptive," "impossible," "tyrannical," "a spaceshot," "brain damaged," "stupid," or just plain "bad." Making the diagnosis of ADD can take the case from the court of moral judgment to the clinic of neuropsychiatric treatment
What is the treatment all about? Anything that turns down the noise. Just making the diagnosis helps turn down the noise of guilt and self-recrimination. Building certain kinds of structure into one's life can help a lot. Working in small spurts rather than long hauls (I've been putting in a lot more breaks for myself too. haha. and just the constant change of tasks is good.). Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks. Making lists. (I've been doing this. In that before I go into a portion of the day, like for eg, the time after work, I'd take 15-20 mins to just write out exactly what I'm going to do, what I need to get. I mentally rehearse the whole process of going out of school, taking the mrt, going to XX MRT, buying blah blah...So now I actually have 2 main planning times per day. One is at 4+pm before I end work, to work out what's to be done in the night, including when to sleep by, when to wake up by the next morning, what to get prepared. The next is at night, when I write out what's to be done the next day during work, exactly who to target/call/counsel/paperwork to be done/when to do/get who to do what...night time is also the time when I'd write down any creative ideas that pop into my mind to be done later.) Getting help where you need it, whether it's having a secretary, or an accountant, or an automatic bank teller, or a good filing system, or a home computer - getting help where you need it. Maybe applying external limits on your impulses. Or getting enough exercise to work off some of the noise inside. Finding support. Getting someone in your corner to coach you, to keep you on track. Medication can help a great deal too, but it is far from the whole solution. The good news is that treatment can really help.
Let me leave you by telling you that we need your help and understanding. We may make mess-piles wherever we go, but with your help, those mess-piles can be turned into realms of reason and art. So, if you know someone like me who's acting up and daydreaming and forgetting this or that and just not getting with the program, consider ADD before he starts believing all the bad things people are saying about him and it's too late.
The main point of the talk is that there is a more complex subjective experience to ADD than a list of symptoms can possibly impart. ADD is a way of life, and until recently it has been hidden, even from the view of those who have it. The human experience of ADD is more than just a collection of symptoms. It is a way of living. Before the syndrome is diagnosed that way of living may be filled with pain and misunderstanding. After the diagnosis is made, one often finds new possibilities and the chance for real change.
The adult syndrome of ADD, so long unrecognized, is now at last bursting upon the scene. Thankfully, millions of adults who have had to think of themselves as defective or unable to get their acts together, will instead be able to make the most of their considerable abilities. It is a hopeful time indeed.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Just a few weeks ago I was complaining that I was bored.
Today I'm swarmed. it's madhouse Monday.
Had 2 counselling referrals in the morning, and I settled 3 cases of student issues in the morning, with one meeting with the teachers.
Am taking the time to plan out and look at my caseloads (and to see how many students I'm actually handling) now cos I have 2 counselling sessions later.
Am doing individual plannings for each of the students I'm handling now. I think it's gonna take a longgggg time. haha.
At first glance, just for my direct cases, I have 22 cases ongoing at the current moment, of which 5 are pertinent counselling cases, 5 cases require me to be in constant contact and liaising with external agencies. I just had 2 referred RTC cases (plan making and negotiation), and I've not had the chance to look through the whole school's attendance to do prevention work (which means a lot more cases to count to do something about).
I do follow through on about 5-8 cases per day (cos some require weekly monitoring, some daily), that's in the midst of entertaining childish issues and having to do mediation in groups, doing administrative matters, planning..
haha. okay. I think I know why I feel swamped today. But I'm happier when I'm swamped. Just that I really need the time to plan out properly for each of my 22 cases. It's like planning for 22 sheeps. hurhur.
Today I'm swarmed. it's madhouse Monday.
Had 2 counselling referrals in the morning, and I settled 3 cases of student issues in the morning, with one meeting with the teachers.
Am taking the time to plan out and look at my caseloads (and to see how many students I'm actually handling) now cos I have 2 counselling sessions later.
Am doing individual plannings for each of the students I'm handling now. I think it's gonna take a longgggg time. haha.
At first glance, just for my direct cases, I have 22 cases ongoing at the current moment, of which 5 are pertinent counselling cases, 5 cases require me to be in constant contact and liaising with external agencies. I just had 2 referred RTC cases (plan making and negotiation), and I've not had the chance to look through the whole school's attendance to do prevention work (which means a lot more cases to count to do something about).
I do follow through on about 5-8 cases per day (cos some require weekly monitoring, some daily), that's in the midst of entertaining childish issues and having to do mediation in groups, doing administrative matters, planning..
haha. okay. I think I know why I feel swamped today. But I'm happier when I'm swamped. Just that I really need the time to plan out properly for each of my 22 cases. It's like planning for 22 sheeps. hurhur.
I can't find the last post in which I updated the books in the Agatha Christie collection which I've finished reading...I shall just roughly estimate and give an update to where I am at the moment:
Finished:
Mrs McGinty's dead
Murder in Mesopotamia
Murder is easy
Murder on the links
Murder on the orient express (which takes place after Murder in Mesopotamia. haha)
N or M
Nemesis (this one was pretty interesting because Miss Marple had to discover what it was that she was entrusted to find out, as well as figuring out the truth at the same time)
One, Two, Buckle my shoe
Am currently at Ordeal by Innocence (which sets forward an interesting premise as well).
I'm really quite amazed at the different styles that Agatha Christie has employed through the many books that she wrote. haha.
And the above are the books that I've not finished reading :X Of which 3 are not even mine :X
Finished:
Mrs McGinty's dead
Murder in Mesopotamia
Murder is easy
Murder on the links
Murder on the orient express (which takes place after Murder in Mesopotamia. haha)
N or M
Nemesis (this one was pretty interesting because Miss Marple had to discover what it was that she was entrusted to find out, as well as figuring out the truth at the same time)
One, Two, Buckle my shoe
Am currently at Ordeal by Innocence (which sets forward an interesting premise as well).
I'm really quite amazed at the different styles that Agatha Christie has employed through the many books that she wrote. haha.
Friday, July 27, 2012
[Beautiful Soundtracks] Inuyasha OST - Kagome to inuyasha / Unmei to koi...
suddenly missing all the different people in my life
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Sometimes I think that one of my purposes in life is to let other people know that one can have diffculties and still go through them, or maybe to be able to identify on a personal level what people go through, and to maybe share what may be helpful and what may not be so helpful?
haha. i thank God I've never gone through some stuff (e.g. rape, bullying, hallucinations), but I've pretty much had other interesting stuff around.
more of the areas which i'm really passionate about I guess.
and I really do enjoy the whole range of emotions which God has created me to be able to experience as well, cos it makes my life so much more colourful (though of course going through them was not very fun).
And I really take heart in knowing that Jesus understands what I go though as well. that I have a high priest who can identify with my every need. haha.
i also find it amusing that what I have are pretty obscure/taboo/secretive things? like people may have a misunderstanding towards it, or don't want to go near it, or don't want to talk about it. I guess it's important to educate people on it.
There were times when I felt frustrated/pissed off cos of certain things people may say which are so judgemental, but I think nowadays I do try to explain a little bit more. haha
the thorns in my flesh. if it's not for them, i'd probably be less dependent on God. hahahaha
haha. i thank God I've never gone through some stuff (e.g. rape, bullying, hallucinations), but I've pretty much had other interesting stuff around.
more of the areas which i'm really passionate about I guess.
and I really do enjoy the whole range of emotions which God has created me to be able to experience as well, cos it makes my life so much more colourful (though of course going through them was not very fun).
And I really take heart in knowing that Jesus understands what I go though as well. that I have a high priest who can identify with my every need. haha.
i also find it amusing that what I have are pretty obscure/taboo/secretive things? like people may have a misunderstanding towards it, or don't want to go near it, or don't want to talk about it. I guess it's important to educate people on it.
There were times when I felt frustrated/pissed off cos of certain things people may say which are so judgemental, but I think nowadays I do try to explain a little bit more. haha
the thorns in my flesh. if it's not for them, i'd probably be less dependent on God. hahahaha
July has got to be the longest month of my life.
I am SO looking forward to the drama practice on Saturday. lol
oh. and looking forward to the Pulau Ubin trip with my students tmr :) haha. i should really find a job that allows me to go everywhere everyday, and still make an impact in people's lives. and changes siuation everyday. and allows me to earn money.
LOL.
the idealist is permanently dreaming of a future ahead.
looking forward to heaven too! with my 5 taps and the library of books in the midst of a swimming pool on top of a large tree :D
I am SO looking forward to the drama practice on Saturday. lol
oh. and looking forward to the Pulau Ubin trip with my students tmr :) haha. i should really find a job that allows me to go everywhere everyday, and still make an impact in people's lives. and changes siuation everyday. and allows me to earn money.
LOL.
the idealist is permanently dreaming of a future ahead.
looking forward to heaven too! with my 5 taps and the library of books in the midst of a swimming pool on top of a large tree :D
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
"Personally, I just believe that independence has become a socially acceptable term for selfishness," he said. "'You need more time to live for yourself' and that's not the Gospel. Our life in Christ is 'deny yourself.'"
to take up the cross and go where it's uncomfortable. to continue to serve and meet needs even when tired. but to also know when it's time to take time out just for sitting by Jesus' side and resting in Him.
to say honestly to God that 'God i'm struggling with this and this, and whether it goes away or remains as a permanent thorn in my flesh is Your will, but regardless of what happens i choose to believe in Your promises'
to just tell God at times that life is pretty tiring, and not exactly very comfortable, but as long as i'm here, it means that You've chosen to place me here for a purpose, and unti the day You take me away, i will continue to be faithful with what you've given me, or do my best in it, or just to continue to struggle in it.
to take up the cross and go where it's uncomfortable. to continue to serve and meet needs even when tired. but to also know when it's time to take time out just for sitting by Jesus' side and resting in Him.
to say honestly to God that 'God i'm struggling with this and this, and whether it goes away or remains as a permanent thorn in my flesh is Your will, but regardless of what happens i choose to believe in Your promises'
to just tell God at times that life is pretty tiring, and not exactly very comfortable, but as long as i'm here, it means that You've chosen to place me here for a purpose, and unti the day You take me away, i will continue to be faithful with what you've given me, or do my best in it, or just to continue to struggle in it.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Thursday, July 19, 2012
this is interesting. haha. appeared in Guardian just a few hours ago
"Who'd be an actor? According to a recent study conducted by researchers at California State University, people who are both imaginative and emotionally vulnerable.
In the journal Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity and the Arts, Paula Thomson and S Victoria Jaque wrote: "Our study adds to the body of research that suggests there is a psychological cost for participants engaged in the creative arts."
Having conducted interviews with 41 professional actors living in Los Angeles, Toronto, and Cape Town, South Africa, focusing on the relationship to loss and trauma, Thomson and Jaque compared results with a control group of non-actors, drawn from other artistic disciplines, athletes and art lovers.
They found that actors are more likely to struggle to discuss past traumas, suggesting that they find it harder to resolve emotional problems. "Even though there was no difference between the two groups for past traumatic events," the researchers wrote, "more actors were unable to maintain narrative coherence when discussing memories of past trauma and loss."
Thomson and Jaque go on to describe how, despite an increased ability to "remain engaged, regulated and coherent during the interview process," members of the actors group were more likely to display signs of confusion, prolonged silence or "unsuccessful failures to deny a traumatic or loss event". They argue that this suggests "a greater vulnerability for psychological distress". However, the study also suggests that the actors have higher than usual imaginative facilities than members of the control group.
Thomson and Jaque caution against thinking of an acting career in therapeutic terms: "Actors may have enhanced their imagination through the practice of acting or they may have entered a career that supports their heightened predisposition for fantasy.""
what about a counsellor who's also into acting? haha.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Jaci Velasquez You
:) one of the songs I really liked as a young Christian. first heard the song on 98.7fm and attributed it to a person. subsequently God came into my life and i realized Who it was really meant for :)
Got this from online:
"Similar to the ballmer peak, being tired can make us focus better simply because when your brain is tired it has to focus! There isn’t enough left-over brainpower to afford losing concentration.
I seem to get the least work done right after drinking too much tea or having a poorly timed energy drink. Makes me hyperactive and one second I’m checking twitter, the next I’m looking at hacker news and I just seem to be buzzing all over the place..
You’d think I’d work better – so much energy, so much infinite overclocked brainpower. But instead I keep tripping over myself because I can’t focus for more than two seconds at a time.
Conversely, when I’m slightly tired, I just plomp my arse down and code. With a slightly tired brain I can code for hours and hours without even thinking about checking twitter or facebook. It’s like the internet stops existing.
I feel like this holds true for most programmers out there. We have too much brainpower for ~80% of the tasks we work on – face it, writing that one juicy algorithm, requires ten times as much code to produce an environment in which it can run. Even if you’re doing the most advanced machine learning (or something) imaginable, a lot of the work is simply cleaning up the data and presenting results in a lovely manner.
And when your brain isn’t working at full capacity it looks for something to do. Being tired makes you dumb enough that the task at hand is enough."
ya. i'm not a programmer but I guess I understand. In that being awake and alert my mind would be running away in lots of directions (like oh! there's a project i wanna do, oh! i can do this next time, oh! i need to schedule in whatever!, oh! i need to plan out when to meet my kids, oh! i should be doing this too) all at the same time. hahaa. yay. found another strength of ADD
"Similar to the ballmer peak, being tired can make us focus better simply because when your brain is tired it has to focus! There isn’t enough left-over brainpower to afford losing concentration.
I seem to get the least work done right after drinking too much tea or having a poorly timed energy drink. Makes me hyperactive and one second I’m checking twitter, the next I’m looking at hacker news and I just seem to be buzzing all over the place..
You’d think I’d work better – so much energy, so much infinite overclocked brainpower. But instead I keep tripping over myself because I can’t focus for more than two seconds at a time.
Conversely, when I’m slightly tired, I just plomp my arse down and code. With a slightly tired brain I can code for hours and hours without even thinking about checking twitter or facebook. It’s like the internet stops existing.
I feel like this holds true for most programmers out there. We have too much brainpower for ~80% of the tasks we work on – face it, writing that one juicy algorithm, requires ten times as much code to produce an environment in which it can run. Even if you’re doing the most advanced machine learning (or something) imaginable, a lot of the work is simply cleaning up the data and presenting results in a lovely manner.
And when your brain isn’t working at full capacity it looks for something to do. Being tired makes you dumb enough that the task at hand is enough."
ya. i'm not a programmer but I guess I understand. In that being awake and alert my mind would be running away in lots of directions (like oh! there's a project i wanna do, oh! i can do this next time, oh! i need to schedule in whatever!, oh! i need to plan out when to meet my kids, oh! i should be doing this too) all at the same time. hahaa. yay. found another strength of ADD
interestingly, despite sleeping for 4-5 hrs for the past 2 nights, I find myself being able to concentrate better (although I am slightly drowsy, like halfway in a dream world, but alert enough to do work).
i think the mind shuts down other distractions (like too tired to bother about other things and thus becomes able to keep only one strand of thought at one time) and thus it becomes easier to focus? hahaha.
i was doing a stream of consciousness exercise the other day (in which you just write down whatever comes to mind in 5 mins and continually write it out), and i realized that i had 2 streams of consciousness going on at the same time (which is pretty interesting because one stream would be the thought stream, whereas the other is the metacognitive stream which will analyze and comment on my original thought stream). whereas for now tt i'm tired, there's only 1 stream of thought.
on the addforums, it seems like almost everyone is simillar to me in being night owls (like being able to do work so much better at night, especially midnight to 3am or whichever. haha).
i think the mind shuts down other distractions (like too tired to bother about other things and thus becomes able to keep only one strand of thought at one time) and thus it becomes easier to focus? hahaha.
i was doing a stream of consciousness exercise the other day (in which you just write down whatever comes to mind in 5 mins and continually write it out), and i realized that i had 2 streams of consciousness going on at the same time (which is pretty interesting because one stream would be the thought stream, whereas the other is the metacognitive stream which will analyze and comment on my original thought stream). whereas for now tt i'm tired, there's only 1 stream of thought.
on the addforums, it seems like almost everyone is simillar to me in being night owls (like being able to do work so much better at night, especially midnight to 3am or whichever. haha).
Has the school gone mad recently?
lol.
yesterday there was a sudden influx of cases, and all of a sudden, today there was a sudden influx of referrals for counselling.
and of serious cases.
why in the world were they not surfaced earlier? o_O
4 hrs of sleep doesn't go well with the sudden need to continually provide a safe environment for students while fighting for some other students not to be kicked out of school, and at the same time having to handle a stubborn old man, and an impulsive adhd student.
lol.
yesterday there was a sudden influx of cases, and all of a sudden, today there was a sudden influx of referrals for counselling.
and of serious cases.
why in the world were they not surfaced earlier? o_O
4 hrs of sleep doesn't go well with the sudden need to continually provide a safe environment for students while fighting for some other students not to be kicked out of school, and at the same time having to handle a stubborn old man, and an impulsive adhd student.
I find it interesting how some aspects of ourselves don't change. was reading my entries from 2002 (haha. yes sometimes i do things like this to see how much I've changed and how much I've not), and I realized that I still echo the same sentiments now at 26 (versus at 16).
"i like talking to people:) like actualLy u noe... talking to them in real-life, not just online or something...
'cos in real-life u can hear the voice, and u can actually try to visualize how the voice would look like... like perhaps very round or just a deep pool of water or maybe it's like really airy or somethinG:) then u can feel the emotions they're radiating out... and occasionally touch can be established:) it feels satisfying to be touching someone... the ruffling of the hair, the patting of the back..."
--> of course, I don't type like the above anymore. haha. but the sentiments are really pretty similar.
"i like talking to people:) like actualLy u noe... talking to them in real-life, not just online or something...
'cos in real-life u can hear the voice, and u can actually try to visualize how the voice would look like... like perhaps very round or just a deep pool of water or maybe it's like really airy or somethinG:) then u can feel the emotions they're radiating out... and occasionally touch can be established:) it feels satisfying to be touching someone... the ruffling of the hair, the patting of the back..."
--> of course, I don't type like the above anymore. haha. but the sentiments are really pretty similar.