Was reading blog posts from 2005. haha.
I think in a sense, we were all so much more innocent and more optimistic then? :)
life, in its entirety, does get a person down at times.
not entirely sure if it's a good things that i've become more serious, or if it's not. but i think i wanna regain back a lot more of my sang side, rather than the melancholic side :)
This is from a past post. haha. something which I find amusing:
According to experts, most people have either a "dog" personality or a "cat" personality, although a small number fall under the "others" category. This is how it works: think of the animal you would most like to have if you could have only one pet. Then think of the animal you would choose if you were allowed a second pet - this could be the same as the first. The first animal represents one's own personality and the second, that of one's spouse or soulmate. So, for example, someone who chooses Cat for the first animal and Dog for the second animal is compatible with someone who chooses Dog first and Cat second.

At a corporate team-building retreat, the trainer posed the personality question to my unwitting colleague. Being a fish lover, he chose the arrowana as his preferred pet. Asked for his second choice, he pondered for a moment. "Perhaps a grasshopper," he finally said. "It would make good fodder for the arrowana".

And this has always been my heart desire:) (interestingly, I never realized I wrote it in a previous post)
"but all i wanna say is that what i really want for a birthday (for every year in fact) is to see YOU in service WITH ME."

I believe I meant it both literally and figuratively :)

Read my previous posts on the period of time when I relief taught in class. Frankly speaking, I can't really remember much about it. haha.
Something I wrote in the past:
"i mean it's frustrating and one can be easily angered at their rebelliousness and all that, but when a student says 'i don't care anymore. i want to get suspended but the principal doesn't want to suspend me.'
when a student had that look of wanting to try again for an instance, and then gives it up, i feel that that's the saddest thing that can happen."

And I guess in a sense, along the way, I kinda lost that compassion towards them? Could it be 'cos I've been working in the school environment for some time and my innocence has been eroded?

The me in 2005 said this:
"The installment of great ambitions in everyone awaits the fulfillment of these great ambitions and is dependent upon the source of strength for the person to fulfill all these things. (xinying's spot of inspiration, copyright 2005)"

hahaha.
looking back.. maybe the me in 2005 is wiser than the me in 2010!

And the following encouraged me rather! :D Something from the blog posts of 2006:

"How God builds you while you are building your ministry
by Rick Warren

Did you know that God uses a very predictable process to build your character? I call this process the "Six Phases of Faith." If you don’t understand this process, you’ll get discouraged when problems arise. You’ll wonder, "Why is this happening to me?" But if you understand and cooperate with what God is doing in your ministry, your faith - like a muscle that is stretched - will develop great strength.

Phase 1: A dream
God gives you a dream – an idea, goal, or ambition. Every great accomplishment first begins as a God-given dream in someone’s mind. "God is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.” (Eph. 3:20 LB)

Phase 2: A decision
A dream is worthless until you decide to do something about it. For every 10 dreamers, there’s only one decision-maker. This is the moment of truth where you decide to invest your time, money, energy, and reputation and to let go of security. If you want to walk on water - you must get out of the boat! "You must believe and not doubt … a double-minded man is unstable in all he does.” (James 1:6, 8 GN)

Phase 3: A delay
There is always a time lapse before your dream becomes reality. God uses this waiting period to teach us to trust him. Remember, a delay is not a denial. Maturity is understanding the difference between "no” and "not yet.” God says, “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!” (Hab. 2:3 LB)

Phase 4: A difficulty
Now the problems start popping up. The two most common types: critics and circumstances. Don’t worry. It’s all a part of God’s plan. “At the present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of trials. This is no accident – it happens to prove your faith, which is infinitely more valuable than gold.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 Ph)

Phase 5: A dead end!
Your situation will deteriorate from difficult to impossible. You are backed into a corner, you reach the end of your rope; it looks hopeless. Congratulations! You are on the edge of a miracle. Trust God. “At that time we were completely overwhelmed … in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe we had this sense of impending disaster so that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves but in God who can raise the dead.” (2 Cor. 1:8-9 Ph)

Phase 6: A deliverance
God provides a supernatural answer. Miraculously, things fall into place! God loves to turn crucifixions into resurrections so you can see his greatness. “I expect the Lord to deliver me once again so I will see his goodness to me ….” (Ps. 27:13)"

Realize that sometimes I die at the dead end part. That I was unaware that I was on the edge of a miracle and did not hold on to the promise of God beyond that.. and thus my dream dies, and has to be restarted again.
No more!
It shall be perseverance to the end!

And this is from the same blogpost where the above came from :) in 2006, I wrote:

"It's rather amazing to me that pastor jeff decided to write about dreams in life as his latest blog entry.. 'cos it just so happens that i was thinking about my own dreams in life when i was bathing.
I was thinking about acting. I have a passion for acting. Seriously. Though i don't think i'm a particular good actress or something, but the passion has lingered from primary school till now, bringing me through all sorts of plays and watching plays. It's still within me, just that i was thinking about how i don't get the chance to work on my passion.
It's not that i've not tried. i've told my shepherds about my desire to act, i asked chenglee about drama when i was in youth, i asked kangwei about drama last year when i'm in uni grp, i volunteered to help in acting in alpha. somehow or another, nothing seem to surface. to tell the truth, i am disappointed. i guess if you really like to do something, but don't have the chance to do it, you'll be pretty much disappointed as well. haha.
then i was thinking about infocounter. it's not that i don't like infocounter or anything, i'm glad to see how much it's evolved over the past 2 years that i was in it... but it's just that infocounter has never really been one of my passions in life. hahaha. interestingly enough, i think soon i'll have to start planning for the path that infocounter should go. if you'll like to join infocounter, please do!
the thoughts of changing ministry has occurred to me a few times in the past years... but the thought of having to start all over again is disturbing as well. and if i change ministry, i'll have to start training up someone to take over me. and it's not easy at this moment, 'cos the people in mind are usually already pretty caught up with their pastoral ministry. haha.
heh. oh well."

I'm glad (and comforted!) to see that my passions remained constant through the years! That it's not influenced by people or circumstances that occurred around me, but I've always had it. haha.

It's the same with regards to movies too :D
This is what I wrote in 2006:
"haha. YAY! i'm very happy. 'cos i found people to watch movie with me! especially those nonmainstream movies. LOL. i've quite liked nonmainstream movies from long time ago...then was quite happy when dy and niee like to watch too. but dy only seem to ask niee to watch the movies at cathay, so hahaa. but now i can ask edwin or eric or jessie or shuyi to watch with me. or even michuang! haha. YAY!=)"

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Okay.
now that I've looked back.
I can now better look ahead :)

It's time to acknowledge, accept, and move ahead :)

Thank You - Hillsongs

Thank You for Your kindness
Thank You for Your mercy
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the price You paid

Thank You for salvation
Thank You for unending grace
Thank You for Your hope
Thank You for this life You gave

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus

Thank You for Your promise
Thank You for Your favour
And thank You for Your love
And everything You’ve done for me

There is no one like You
There is no one like You, God
All my hope is in You
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus

To Your name
We give all the glory
To Your name
We give all the praise

You’re alive
Our God everlasting
So let Your face shine on us

:)
time to fight.

There are times when I get bored with what I'm doing.

Now's one of those times.

There are times when I think the world is too exciting for me. When I enjoy the quiet, the solitude, the mildness of life. The peace.

but at other times, it's a whole different matter.
At this very moment, I have the desire to throw paint on wall. LOL

Being a counsellor/teacher is a bit like being an alternative parent to a child.
Just like how the best form of parenting is that of an authoritative parenting, I have realized that probably the best way to help a child grow is to have an authoritative stance towards them.
Stating down clear expectations. And showing them unconditional love.
Clear expectations, and unconditional love.
That includes listening to them whenever, wherever. Includes not nullifying their needs and desires.
Includes not giving in to all their wants and desires. Includes speaking with them, sharing clear emotions towards them (e.g. I am disappointed when you have promised to come to school, but did not.)

Saw my primary school's photos.. he's in Rome now.
and Rome has beautiful skies. And nice spaces.
but I think Padua looks prettier. haha.
I thought Padua would not be as nice as Florence.. but by the pictures, Florence is more city-ish than Padua.
Ooohhh. and the temperature looks horrendously cold. 3 degrees celsius! to 11 degrees celsius. I'd freeze to death!
Imagination is the place of solace for one who longs for heaven.

my students are responding to school and me.
Thank God :)

"Obstacles are those frightening things that become visible when we take our eyes off our goals."
--Henry Ford

I like this quote :)
Am not sure if it's the effect of running (not that I ran much :P) or the effect of my body adjusting to a certain fixed time period in waking up and in sleeping.. but I feel more alert today at 7.40am than I have been for the past few weeks. I find myself breathing deeper as well. And the world is brighter.
I guess the increased oxygen input is good for my brain. It's not that I don't feel sleepy anymore - I am still slightly sleepy. But I can better keep my sleepiness at bay (at this moment anyway). It's good for my brains to process the thoughts that I have as well.

---------

i pretty much dislike rules and regulations (though i definitely see the benefit in them). it irritates me very much. and it's irritating to see that they may be discrepancies in certain things which happen across congregations. but then again, maybe I don't know enough of what's going on across congregations, and what I can see is may merely be a slight glance of what's actually happening.
Am thinking about comfort zones as well.
haha. but it may just be my liking for convenience side kicking in.
ah well :)

dear sister, i understand how you feel.

every leader is different.
what works for one leader may be different for another leader.
so sad.

This song is stuck in my mind.. this line anyway
~The club is alive with the sound of music~
the rest of the lyrics are not so innocent. haha.
i thought the reuse of the tune of the line from 'the sound of music' is quite cool.
original lyrics runs as
'the hills are alive with the sound of music~
hee.
Song can be found here

Am inspired by a blog to do projects, to stick to it one at a time, to finish it and in the process, to learn, to research and to immerse myself in the topic/project of choice until I see its end.

Am also inspired to want to put more logic and sequence into the thoughts I have (though even as I type this, there’s a part in my brain that is screaming out ‘but it’d stifle creativity! We want to be random! [and even as I typed this halfway, other things captured my attention and drew it away, such that I only came back to {and before I could finish this statement, I got distracted by others again and only came back to type this at 12am} type this at 10.40am] We want to be able to multitask and complete many different things within the same period of time! Life is short! We want to burst out with songs and prose and poems!’. Hahaa.

[And work came, and students came, and other articles came, and other things to do came into my mind, and I stopped writing this article all the way till 3:46pm when I picked it up again.]

So at this moment, I am wondering to myself what kind of projects I should embark on, as well as how to define the projects (in terms of time frame, deadline, what I’d need to do. I figure that perhaps when I want to start on one, I should
1) Give it a name.

A name defines the scope and purpose of the project. It also signifies an official starting. I like names. I think when one names something, or nicknames something, one owes it. It becomes personal. It is now yours. I like having things which are mine. Haha.

(Calls from parents came in at this juncture.)

(It is rather sad to note that I’ve written another Microsoft word page of the blog post, but the post has since diminished by 2/3 due to the crashing of my Microsoft Word, without me knowing why. What remains is just the memory of what I have typed, and the end result that is obtained, without actually having the thought process coming in. This is a rather saddening event, but I guess at least it’s an important work document or something which I have to re-do )

I figured out that I need to do four more things.

2) Define a scope
3) Set a deadline
4) Set target goals
5) Define, acquire and read the resources which I need to help me on my project.

Defining a scope would help me to know exactly what it is that is encompassed within the name of the project, rather than having it float anywhere and everywhere. In today’s date, it is actually quite possible to link two rather unrelated items, say for example. Eyelashes and mango. Or something similar to that extent. Setting a deadline helps me to know how much time I have left. While setting target goals helps me to know when I’ve achieve what I need to do and to move on from the project. It can also help me to gauge how much I can achieve within that timeline set.

I’d have to take some time to figure out as to what project I would like to embark on. Am currently on operation budget (which has a name, and no scope or deadline), and have set a deadline to clean and tidy my room by end of year (this one has no name. haha).

Hope that this will keep life interesting and will also serve to help myself equip myself with interesting things which can be learned in life. Looking forward to it! :D

Oh yes. I figured I would post it in my other blog instead. Since that is super un-updated.

And it's amusing to me to see that females tend to struggle with one other small thing. hahaaha.
i laughed when i saw what someone typed.
it's so familiar.
hahahahaa

wow. didn't realize that women are universally deeply affected by one same thing.
at least 3 women are.

i feel privileged to be of the lesser gender!

I am very sensitive to the breaching of my personal boundary.
I'm also sensitive to the possibility of transference, or when a client becomes too attached/dependent.
And I will then deter it and set the boundaries more firmly. lol.

it closed the door behind her
and in a new room flourished so
until the fumes from the life behind her
seeped into the new room
and started to permeate the air once again

what's happened before stays as a harsh memory etched into the mind.

shucks. i'm moody again.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into Springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into Springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so bad.

Watched 'Devil' today. It's the first part of the Night Trilogies by M Night Shyamalam (hope i got the name right. hehe). He also did Lady in the Water, of which the derive wallpaper was on my lappie creeping everyone out but me. hahaha. I loveddd the wallpaper :)
Sadly, not a lot of people liked the movie.
I can't remember much of it though.
but 'devil' was an interesting concept :D
It was about 5 people trapped in the lift, and one of them being the devil in human form. It's not a complex plot.. but there's some lessons to be learned behind it :) and the deaths are done quite tastefully. it's not gore. but beware, it is a thriller.
can go watch it if you want :) haha
watching it alone was :\ though. lol. same feeling i had when i watched 'Shutter Island'. will prob be nicer watching with someone else ba. hahaa. but wellus.

having an overdose of human beings.
i don't want them around anymore for now.

This is quoted from DMM.

HUANYAN says this:

"To find a proverbs 31 woman, you must first be a proverbs 1-30 man"

and

"For a wife to be silent, the man must first give the woman no reason to complain".

Intriguing.
haha.

hahahaa.
suddenly wished that i took psychology of gender.. hahaa. but i remember it wasn't offered in the semester i was in. ah well :\
glad that i took gender studies though :D
gender is such an interesting thing to study!

I have this song stuck in my mind

'Train is coming, train is coming, train is coming~~~
Please start queueing, love your ride'

O_O
hahaha
i quite like this song actually.. am not sure why some people do not like it.
i'm so sleepy.

i know i'm supposed to be doing my assignment, but i'm still dreaming about Italy. hahaa.
Have just received the itinerary today, and am quite excited!
I'd be staying in 5 different hotels in just 8 days in Italy!
Have also sent out an email to Hope Rome to see if I can meet up with the people there :D
Okay.
back to assignment!

it's official :)
i have fallen in love with the Gelatos of Italy even before I'm there.
Something in me is doing little prances across the caramelized top of an imaginary Creme Bulee even as I speak, and has currently done a little leap into the embrace of a vanilla flavoured gelato that leaves a sweet and fragrant aftertaste.
My mind has been concocting all sorts of countryside buildings and sceneries ever since I've started to research on Italy. In my mind, pavements have become rough and dark grayish, and the voices that speak speak in a language which I am unfamiliar with. Words which I do not recognize roll around on my tongue and sound so wonderful being spoken out, without me knowing what they are.
Song which I've heard lingers in my mind and accompanies me when i cross the road, when i eat, when i type out my assignment, when i trouble over dining establishments.
English is no longer a language that is as beautiful as the foreign voices i hear. It is more colonial, established.
Even Quiznos screams out
'Quiznos goes Italian!'
A part of my heart has decided to take the earlier flight to Italy.

Had Ayo's 'And it's supposed to be love' stuck in my mind. lol.
interspersed with 'I just want You' by Planetshakers.
No idea why. haha.
Back to school tomorrow. hahaa.
I think I'm having school blues.