the sky is azure with big white clouds!:D
somehow the sky reminds me of weezieeeeeeee. hahahaa

and she stepped out into the wide open space
and realizes that
all the while
there was a lead ball being tied to her feet
of which the key to the lock that bound it there
belonged in her hands
and she saw the wide space
and she looked at the lead ball
and she realized that all the while
while she's been admiring everybody else who's running around in the wide space
she's been the one who held the key
and so she threw the key
and willed away the lock
and ran
and ran
and ran
and leaped
and then she spinned
round and round and round and round
and spinned
and danced
and leaped.
and with two hands reaching far into the sky
she smiled at the warm sunshine
and thanked her God for the wonderful things around her.

-You danced over me
while i was unaware
You sing all around
but i
never hear the sound
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
Lord I'm amazed by You
how You love me -

hahahaha
what a wonderful day :D
-----------------------

just got this song from Robert! LOL
saw this on his nick and asked him about it.
dedicating this song to all who's made my heart smile :D
thanks for the wonderful friendship and love and acceptance that all of you have given to me :D
from the same people who sang 'Hey there Delilah'

1, 2, 3, 4 by Plain White T's

Alright :)
I found them :)
And coaxed them out.
And subsequently took a 30 min nap.
and woke up to a cooler air and gray skies.
And then I opened my door.
And curious students popped in :)
hahaha.
students who wondered who i am.
Which reminds me.
I really must get myself introduced :)
And I've not done my case notes.
hohoho.

Lol.
I realized that there're books in the career guidance room :)
Books which were quite familiar.. 'cos they're written by people like Josh Mcdowell... Shannon Ethridge...
And books on marriage preparation, parenting, living with home, school and community.
lol.
'cos it's also the SFE room. dun ask me what it is. i forgot.
some family education stuff.
-------
I think sometimes when you control your emotions for too long,
they get shut off and squirm somewhere where they can't really be found.
And when you tried to search for them, you realize that you can't find them.
hahahaa.
faints.
---------
Quite cool.
I see the newspaper cutting on David Hoe in the career guidance room.
Ain't it interesting to know the person in the newspaper cutting personally?
And to know how he was able to do it? :)
----------
I spent an entire day thinking.
lol.
This place is conducive for thinking :)
Wouldn't it be nice if I can stay here forever~
hahahaaa.
---------
and it still hurts though it's the right thing to do.
and i still can't find that which have gone to hide.

LOL
i got fed up today and decided to take matters into my own hands. hahaa.
a little rebellious.
but bleagh.
don't really care.
i operated on the 'this is my student. i'm in charge of their social emotional wellbeing. i can't counsel in the room which is associated with discipline.'
and so i went to take key, went counselling room. and counselled there.
it's so different counselling in the counselling room, and counselling in rtc :P
and then!
i learned that actually
i can use the SFE room for counselling!
that it is by right mine 'cos i'm in charge of career guidance.
oh?
i didn't know that.
though i did have hints that i can use it.
nobody told me that the room is mine :P
bleagh.
and yes.
the SFE room is SO MUCH BETTER than rtc as well.
so i got my room ^^. lol!
though i'll still be in the rtc. ah well.
just shows that everybody has their own agenda in the workplace.

it's all in a little brown book ^^

Been wanting to type this out for some time. hahahaa.
With regards to patience.
In recent months, particularly this year, God's been growing me in the area of waiting and being patient.
I laughed out loud (literally) during the drama for yesterday's combined service at the 'wait, again?' part. hahahahhahaa.
my gosh.
maybe it started last yr. lol.
waiting upon God for direction as to whether I should stay in uni group or move on to YG.
waiting upon God for the results of my application for work.
then subsequently
waiting on God for people's hearts to change
waiting on God for people's minds to be awakened.
waiting for people to come back to God.

- I will bring praise I will bring praise
no weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare
God is my victory and He is here-

I don't think I've ever done so much waiting in my entire life. LOL!
but yea. i'm starting to enjoy the waiting process :) hahaa. maybe 'cos I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. and I know what I'm waiting for are things that'll glorify God. so i'll wait.
I guess previously I may be a little impatient 'cos I neglected to see God's hand in this. hahahaa.
but yea :)
When I see a purpose to my waiting, waiting becomes enjoyable :)
may still be burdened, and sometimes troubled.
but will continue to commit all things I'm waiting on upon God.
God, may Your name continue to be praised and exalted :)

I really like the song 'we the redeemed' :D
It's such an apt reminder of so many things ^^

"We the redeemed" - Hillsongs

There is nothing like Your love
No exchange for all You gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know the love it saves

Now forever to be loved
To walk with You for all my days
There’s no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way

Pre-Chorus:
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King
Our hope is in You
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King

Chorus:
Singing glorious, glorious One You have saved us
Honour and Power and Praise to the Saviour
You are the Answer, You are the Answer

You come with power come with fire
As we lift Your name on high
And join with all the saints to sing
In bringing Honour to the King.

Bridge:
We the redeemed
Hear us singing
You are Holy
You are Holy
----------------------------
Realy felt very empowered and encouraged by the service yesterday. hahaaa. it reminded me of God's hand being in control of the situations I'm in. It reminded me of God's sovereignty. It reminded me of His power.
victory in Christ =)
much joy! and assurance!

(haha. i'm very sleepy. but i'm the only one at starbucks looking after the rest of the bags now. hahaa. wanna sleep :S)

Talking to jan last night reminded me of something God spoke to me during our uni-ya camp. hahahaa. i kinda forgot about it.. till he said something i said reminded me of what i said during uni-ya camp. LOL.
i typed it down in my phone though.
it was a revelation during the night out in the fields (when i was feeling grumpy and uncomfortable. hahahaa)
it was quite a :S revelation. hahahaa.

On 16 May 2009, 1:02am, I typed this down in my handphone.
We were supposed to think of two questions:
1) What God is doing in the season of my life with regards to the things I'm going through
2) What is God going to do in the next part of my life?

With regards to 1)
it was a few areas
a) testing of beliefs with regards to circumstances
b) knocking me to senses, not to depend on the relationships i have.
c) wariness of boundaries (oops. LOL)
d) dependence on Him alone.

with regards to 2) --> this is the :S part:
I wrote after praying through:
"Maybe God is going to bring me to a place of discomfort? Where all I can do is to trust in God. And where my beliefs will be tested to see what and how my reactions in these situations will be."

hohoho.
at that moment of time, I think I was really quite fearful.
hahahahahaaa.
but now things are starting to make a lot of sense ^^
the dots are being connected ^^
so enjoyable. hahahaaa.
intellectuals like to make sense of things. LOL.
and making sense of things expands the sight of my God :D

sigh.
i like new revelations.
guess what i dun like? :P

lol.
there's a student who came and asked if he could sit in the RTC to do his art drawing for exams.
Was a little suspicious when I saw him positioning his chair to face me, but figured that it could be him drawing something else.
Just peered over while he was sharpening his pencil and realized that he's sketching me.
LOL.
faints.
so honoured sia.
now have to continue acting like i never notice.
hahahahahahaa

Hi deers :)
jiayou with your studies :)

It's getting depressing to find out that your fellow classmates from the same counselling course are switching back to being a teacher/leaving the service.
:(
lol.
but can understand la.

take heart xinying! take heart! =)
Was feeling a little upset (actually not a little:P) over some counselling case just now. but have taken the time out to reflect and pray about it (short prayer though).
They should supply us with funds to see our own counsellor! hahahaa.
Having a chinese praise song in my mind now. hahaa.
Directly translated it'll say something like
'Having Christ's heart as my heart,
Using His eyes to see the world,
The world needs you and me
to fill it up with love-
true :)

it's no wonder that self care is an official 1/4 of my job scope. LOL.

Psalm 18: 28-29

"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With Your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall"

I love You, O Lord, my strength

I am wild awake and going mad.
My mind is like a translucent solid cube with rounded corners, with contained chaos.
You can't break the cube, but neither can you do anything about the chaos within the cube.
Purple, pink, blue, black.
With the cube giving off a soft yellow glow.
My rationality is overwhelming.

it's therapeutic to meet up with my dsc7 classmates :D
hahahaa
had my aed-c counselling appraisal framework training today at Spring. it turned out that nigel, charlene, lynn and carolyn were in the same room as me for the training. hahaa. samuel, steven, raj and rachel were in another one. lol.
think if you put all 9 of us together, we'll be 2 tables of noisy people. as it is, seperating us ensured that there was only one table of noisy people in the room i'm in. hahahaa. that's us =D
we're the crazy bunch of counsellors on practicum who made a lot of noises in class, participated actively in the games and decided to sneak out of the building for lunch. LOL.
so fun!
hahaaaa.
very therapeutic to see them. hahahaa.

Was just thinking about how we have the potential to attribute certain things to wrong sources (specifically attributing things to the spiritual opposition, when it could be because of unresolved things being surfaced). lol. had this thought during cg when one of the brothers was sharing about some stuff. and naturally, the first thought i had was that there was unresolved and untackled things from the past.
it's interesting :)
hmm.
think during worship after the drama yesterday, realized certain things about the whole ess process, and about myself, and suddenly felt lost. lol. and overwhelmed by that realization. and just so humbled by it. lol. and a little sad.
Haven't taken the time out to think through the whole process again. the start of ess preparation felt very long ago, even though it was only one and half months ago. guess the concept of time warps itself when things pile up. i feel as if i've been doing ess for a few months. or rather, just that i've been having rehearsals for a month or two. lol. though i feel as if i've only been working for a very short time...
i guess there're many things that could have been done better, or earlier, or more excellently. and though the product of the ess creative side seems to be alright, the creative head knows that the process had much stuff in it. the ugly sides, and the grace-filled ones.
so yup, thank God for the successful pulling off of the two esses, that nobody died along the way... and that we see fruits coming to past. and i really pray that whatever the drama has left the people with, it'll continue to plough and work in the peoples' hearts as well :)
may the impact and influence of the esses extend further than what was presented in those few hours.
may the name of the Lord continue to be praised :)

xinying. manage your expectations please :)

today we learn that usually people don't share 'cos of certain anticipations. but that itself could be a dysfunctional thought:)

and the vines start to climb

Please forgive our ignorance
In looking down on you
Please forgive our selfishness
For hiding in our pews while the world bleeds
While the world needs us to be what we should be

Woke up with this song, with the words 'please forgive...' being in my mind.
lol.
I have very random stuff in my mind at this moment I guess.
------------------------------------------
Was talking to a sister yesterday about some stuff. Same topic, but different situations. hahaa. I guess the question that we both have, was 'are we doing the right thing?'
hahaha.
are we ah?

'The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure,
who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve.' Jeremiah 17:9-10
-----------------------------------------

Saw this on Brenda's gmail subnick
"Going through the motion[s] don't please You. a flawless performance is nothing to You.' (editions - mine)
Very true! =)

guy: 'i would like to meet you outside....'
me: 'eh. it's okay la. (turns to rtc). seeya' (to self: I don't -.-)

I was complaining about this guy to someone during my supervision on friday. can't remember who it was though. lol.
school is a place for siaming.
everytime i see him, i've been cringing :X

lol.
i'm super sleepy
and i dunno if it's due to sleep debt or is a symptom of pms.

Being sensitive to the conversation flow means that I can counsel better. And that I can capture topics which are not completed (as to whether I do/should pursue the ends of the topic is another question).
Today, being sensitive to the conversation flow means that I 'siam'ed certain potential awkward moments :\ lol.
Of course, hypersensitivity to the conversation flow may cause me to over-read certain things too. so must be careful :) yes.

She takes a step
Though tentative
and steps into the space
A mellow glow
A dulled out song
A place with ribbons and lace
She twirls around
With wild abandon
Delight on her face
A sudden halt
Tripping of step
She felt a hostile gaze
And plummets down
As she remembers
She's a stranger in that place
But soon she'll join
For the step - she's taken
Her eyes, once bright, now glazed.

Recently, the anime I've been watching seems to have the theme of 友達 (tomodachi -- meaning 'friends' in Japanese). hahaha. Saki and Canaan (hmm. what's with one word titled animes?) both have that same theme.
And I guess it's a theme that's been resounding in my mind as well. hahaa :)
hmm.
Was quite tired today :) lol. didn't realize that I was tired until I started planning for the day, and subsequently carried out the plans. had a good time clarifying some minor stuff with another sister :) quite refreshing too. hahaa.
then became super awake in the evening 'cos of the tea i drank :\
and i drank tea a second time at the prata stall :\
LOL.
thanks venven for coming to find me :D

jumble jumble. hahahaa
i got lots of things in my mind that can't be expressed in words.
need to translate thoughts to words.
thank God for yesterday! ess1 ! :D for everyone who's helped out, got acknowledged (or didn't), and everyone's who's prayed for us =)
thank God for the unexpected grace moments. we were rained down in God's grace :)

this yr is a year of waiting! lol!
waiting upon the Lord for different different things.
and of love!
remaking of the understanding of love, and experiencing God's love
and of grace =)
raining down continuously upon my life :)

LOL
went to the staff lounge to take an emotional rest 'cos I knew that if I don't, the kid who comes in will dieeeeee.
Then I saw one of the teachers inside with a blanket sleeping on the sofa. hahahaa. i feel quite bad for disturbing him. rested at the tatami mat.
then two other teachers came in. lol.
ah well.
staff lounge is a nice place for refuge =)
dark and not much people :)
and it definitely helped for me to have taken tt emotional rest of 5 mins :)

i am as choleric
as i am calm and collected =)
hahahaa.

have been so blessed by the people around me =) so blessed by God as well.
makes me very thankful. hahaa. little words of encouragement, concern, or just simply being there :) some of which i've thanked, some of this i didn't have the opportunity to.
but thanks!:) hahaa.