there are times when my heart is full of praise songs.. times when my heart is full of rock songs.. times when my heart is full of slow worship songs..
i'm used to all these timings :)
today my heart sang a new song. it sang an instrumental piece :) a gentle and kind and defined and resounding high-noted piano piece.
A bit like this one:



but a more lighthearted song :)
----------
and brother, glad to hear from you :) thanks for updating me. hahaha. hope that the two of you will continue to spur each other on towards loving each other more and loving Christ!:)

So now I am standing at a crossroad of sorts. or perhaps i've been standing at a crossroad of sorts, but have not realised the position i am in due to other distractions..
in any case, now that certain distractions are gone, i realise that i'm standing at a crossroad of sorts. looking at scenario a or scenario b, what should i do? what should i focus on? where should i go? what can i learn out of this?
haven't continually sought God for all these.

-for the world will fade away
still my soul to You remains-

it's a gentle wind that blew yesterday night
a gentle coolness that permeates today
and hopefully a gentle desire that'll carry me through tomorrow.

i feel that i have lots to think about, but i do not know what i'm supposed to think about. hahaa.

-you're free to dance
forget about your two left feet
you're free to sing
even joyful noise is music to Me
and free to love
'cos I've given you My love
and it's made you free

free from worry
free from envy and denial
free to live, free to give, free to smile-

experiencing the kindness of God makes the world a much softer place than it really is :)

sitting in the national library makes me want to get a book and just read the book instead of doing work:) or read the textbooks that i have... something to do with cuddling up in this chair and reading something. hahaa.
i miss free days in my week :)

-As little children,
we will dream of Christmas morn
and all its gifts and toys
we knew we'll find
but we never realised
a baby born on Christmas night
gave us the greatest gift
of our lives-

songs bring back memories:) this song brought back the memory of the sec 4 girls' cg's ecg when they performed the song in the tampines RC. 'O mighty cross' brought back memories of the first CG at ang mo kio ministry house, where Junting led worship in one of the small rooms.
Was reflecting back more on the camp.. most people learned many things out of it. I think for me, I felt encouraged and empowered, besides learning much about other people as well. Think God really showed me things about the people around me in the camp.
So here comes the list of thanks:)
--------
Thank you for making your way down to the bbq. I vividly remember how in 2005 you shared about funneling people to the other stations of life so as to build up the ministry strong. And that vision/notion stuck to me. I sincerely believed in the importance of funneling people as well..but along the way, i grew disheartened, discouraged, disillusioned, disappointed.. along the way, i grew proud, selfish, hardened.. and i questioned that notion. i questioned if it's the right way of doing things. i questioned about God's sovereignty in this. I questioned about His purpose for me.
but along the way, I discovered answers, i saw God's hand moving in ways i didn't expect, i got humbled, i learned. and i'm still learning.
i was really touched when you remembered me though:) thanks for taking note of people's lives.
holistic caring. influential people.
--------
And thank you too. Thanks for your sacrifices, your love for the ministry, your constant service to the Lord. You might not know it, but twice in the camp, the words you said sparked areas which I've allowed to dull. Areas which can potentially serve God in a greater extent, but i've let circumstances and nature take over it and just let that dream/area lose its shine.
thanks for your words which greatly encouraged me and empowered me!
---------
thanks too to you:) got the chance to know you a bit more these days. somehow had the chance to talk to you a bit more when previously, i don't really talk to you. lol. got to find out a bit more about your family..
got to realize that you're actually quite cheeky and playful (sounds like i'm describing a child). thanks for teaching us how to play on a bbq pit with firestarters. hahahaa. and with tissue papers.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
-----------

I'm having camp withdrawal symptoms:)
talked to Dr Lynette Tay today.. apparently she's quite interested in the fact that I'm doing RA work and has done an IRP with Dr Tan before.. lol. first time i got commended by someone for having done an IRP. so funny :)

So in the end, I managed to do the first 11 items on the list

1)Article from Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings.
2) Doing up of presentation slides for SW presentation on Tues. Doing up of transcript for exchange for presentation on Tues. Presentation on Tues
3) Lab assignment due by Monday 10am.
4) Lesson 4 homework for Japanese tutorial (12pm, Monday)
5) Prepare for programming tutorial on Wed.
6) Do up japanese script for TB with JK.
7) Study for pediatric psych test (thursday 4pm)
8) Lesson 5 homework for Japanese tutorial (4pm, Wednesday)
9) Study for vocab quiz for Japanese TB tutorial
10) Memorize L4 and L5 dialogue for TC tutorial (Friday, 12pm)
11) Study for lecture quiz, L6 and L7 (Thursday, 12pm)

And didn't manage to finish the lab. hahaa. i kept getting stuck in the loop. first, the number printed infinitely in increments of double. then i managed to get it to stop printing infinitely and stop before the user-given limit. then i managed to get it to print in increments of its multiple... but it will only stop a bit after its limit. i tried to make it println itself upon reaching a number of values displayed in a row, but the result tt came out was amusing. okay. nevermind about it:) i shall go figure out even more after the camp.

presentation on tuesday was good:) our lecture cum tutor was like 'please give them a big round of applause for a job very well done'. hohoho.
TC was good too! LOL. though i only roughly memorized the script.. thank God that I'm always one of the last few to be called, so when other pple are rehearsing their parts, i can memorize more concretely on the spot! ha. the greatest compliment came when the sensei said that my speaking skills were 'yi desu ne'. and she gave me a clap. LOL. but she says i need to memorize more. LOL 'cos i didn't quite follow the script. hahaa. (e.g. i missed out the あのうin the front. LOL.)
but dunno why she's so impressed with the line i added　（じゃ、渋谷の電車わ何番線ですか。） after having a 行きません　to my statement of 'すみません。この電車わ渋谷へ行きますか。(found in the textbook).
maybe 'cos no one else went to add that line? hmmmmmmm.

hohoho. i did the nested code before i did the outside code and i deleted the nested code accidentally. and now i don't remember what the nested code is about. LOL

This song has been in my head for the past week. haha.

I answer the call, hearing Your voice
Down on my knees I make the choice
To humble myself and pray
No matter the cost, paying the price
Lord I will give the sacrifice
To humble myself and pray

I will pray
And seek Your face
I will touch You with my worship
I will pray
And seek Your face
When I touch You virtue flows
Healing my soul
-----------
No more camping on the porch of indecision
No more sleeping under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
but dreaming's not for me.
-----------
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
-----------
looking forward to the camp tonight:)

hehe. i think the above is pretty cool:) First heard it on dennis' blog... watch the video (first one on his blog..). i think the video is cooler than the mp3 itself :) hahaa.

In an attempt to distract myself from studying about recurrent abdominal pain, i have stumbled onto an interesting appeal for applicants for the testing of a certain it-must-not-be-named. it amuses me greatly and reminded me on the night of cny visitation at guan's house. LOL.
and i sincerely thought that he was kidding when he mentioned that this company gives out surveys. alas.

ah. the sound is back again, even with my fan off :S
LOL
at least now i can turn on my fan again. hahaha.

it's really a bit freaky to hear loud weird noises coming from behind you at 2am in the morning. dunno where those sounds came from. i was thinking it could be due to my poor fan being stuck in the same position for some time. it's a sort of a loud squeaky kind of noise. which occurred every 5 seconds or so. i off-ed the fan and now it's gone, so maybe it really was the fan.
hahaa.
my eyes are tired. and my brain is floating in liquid (as always, trying to form new connections or strengthen old ones..
regretting taking japanese a little 'cos of the amount of time needed to be spent on the module.. as well as the unencouraging grades on my vocab quizes. LOL. enjoying pediatric psych a little more 'cos of the things i learn :) enjoying social work a bit more 'cos of my group.. hahaa. okay.

When I watched D Gray Man episode 70, something resonated inside me as Allen Walker thinks through his answer to Innocence...
I don't have demons to fight for. hahaa. I don't have Innocence.
but we're engaged in a spiritual war which is still ongoing in the spiritual realm, as well as being manifested in the physical, emotional and psychological realm.

"... the only things precious to me were the demons...' - allen walker

2 Timothy 2:4 "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs - he wants to please his commanding officer."

when i was young, while i was being persecuted by my parents because of my faith, i
remembered making a promise that i will continue to walk strong in Christ. Pleasing God was the top most priority on my mind. I will grow. I will ensure that my actions follow what I've learned. Things that are hard, i will change. I will persevere and endure. I will pray for people. One man's action can advance the whole Kingdom of God. One man's decision can do likewise as well.

'.. and yet, I lost sight of that...everyone shone so brightly that it made me lose sight of the other things i cherished" - Allen Walker

i like to invest in people. there's a strong conviction within me to see that investing in people is more important than anything else. sometimes i may feel tired and not feel like investing in people anymore, but ultimately, it's my heartbeat to invest my energy in people. i like to know people. i like to appreciate each different individual (though sometimes i may be frustrated with some of them). i like to impart. sometimes, even as i run the race, in my want to pull people along, i slow down. i pace alongside. and i forget about the race. i forgot that we each have a race marked out for us to run (as claramae shared).

"both are me. both matter" - Allen Walker

Mark 12:30-31: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than this."

'mini skirt la, super mini skirt la
for who? for me?
for your grandmother?
for the sake of attention seeking..'
- Quoted from my social work lecturer. With bouts of laughter coming from my lecture mates.

A bit sian diao when people don't get the puns mentioned. it really decreases the level quite a bit. such a nice pun somemore. sigh.

This is something I learned today from the bus151 forum!:)
"For instance, each time you board the bus, the server recognizes that the bus has one more passenger (+1), each alighting passenger will -1. So for a typical bus capacity of 80(?), by the time say the counter for that bus reaches +60, the system will think that the bus is reaching full capacity, and will call for the next bus to depart from terminal to save the rest who are stranded. However, for each alighting passenger who doesn't tap out, the counter doesn't change (0). The system will still think the bus is packed even when physically it's not. It's further aggravated by the fact that 151 serves many schools, means there are more concession passes, who might not tap out. So adding the peak hour jam explanation in the quote above, quite easy for me to understand why 4 buses can come back to back, with the last one really empty. When the peak hour really stretches, that empty bus which is supposed to leave later would have traveled half the journey, so the terminal would be short of bus, causing a delay in the original frequency. Then causing a further delay when the next available bus comes, people tap in but not tap out, system thinking bus overloaded, system brings next bus forward, short of bus, frequency delay, ..."

Wow. Didn't know such a system exists. so cool.

Perseverance must complete its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Persevere on!:)
がんばります！

I like this song :)

Sometimes i really prefer to do things myself. hahaa. Be it in the area of conducting experiments (either on children or adults), or in the area of completing assignments. 'Cos when you do things yourself, you can set the time yourself, you can complete it yourself without having to listen out to another person, wait for the other person's reply.. the group can only go as fast as the slowest.. and when you alone form your group, you control the speed it can go at.
So maybe it's a control issue.
hmm.
but two can help each other along :) hahaa
"Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
Also, if two lie down together, they
will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly
broken"
Ecclesiastes 3:9-12 :)

As I was saying, I'm procrastinating :) I love the picture on shirley's blog.. (she koped it from somewhere else.. hahaa). Here it is:


I have to research an article from a journal which illustrates eating disorders in children in the asia context.. and do up the slides and possible conversation for tuesday's presentation. lol. and tons of other stuff. lol. i shall type it down to ease my cognitive load.

1) Article from Journal of Clinical Psychology in Medical Settings.
2) Doing up of presentation slides for SW presentation on Tues. Doing up of transcript for exchange for presentation on Tues.
3) Lab assignment due by Monday 10am. Did the first part last Monday.. can't do the second part until yesterday's lecture 'cos they only taught it yesterday. lol.
4) Lesson 4 homework for Japanese tutorial (12pm, Monday)
5) Prepare for programming tutorial on Wed.
6) Do up japanese script for TB with JK.
7) Study for pediatric psych test (thursday 4pm)
8) Lesson 5 homework for Japanese tutorial (4pm, Wednesday)
9) Study for vocab quiz for Japanese TB tutorial
10) Memorize L4 and L5 dialogue for TC tutorial (Friday, 12pm)
11) Study for lecture quiz, L6 and L7 (Thursday, 12pm)
12) Lab assignment to be handed up before Sat 2pm.

That's about it :) That's for this week! :)

Can't finish. hahaa.

[Image courtesy of Hazel. Artwork from the NUS Museum. All editing done by Owner.]

On Tuesday, we went to Hazel's house :) technically it's hazel and boonliong's and hazel's parents' house 'cos hazel and boonliong's house is not ready yet.. but well. haha. life is short. it's good to simplify things to make our job easier <--- what my japanese lecturer likes to say. hahaa.


Steamboat. New Year goodies. Bratwurst sausage. Chicken wings. Satay. Red wine. Angbao. Photos.
:)

ah. finished the reversenumbers assignment whereby we have to split a four digit integet into its numbers, then reverse the whole number.
but now i've got a problem... what do i do with a number ending with 0? lol.

In the end, no attendance was taken. Answers to lab0 was briefly shown and since it was already uploaded on IVLE, it's terribly useless as well. At least the TA is a nice person:)
The CNY mood has just settled on me despite the festival having started since last Thursday. Therefore, at this moment, I'm more in the mood to talk to people, watch anime, read psychology readings and watch movies. Anything other than facing DrJava.

This morning, after i gave morning calls and replied some smses, this verse came to me:)
"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation" - Psalm 5:3

And when i checked it out again tonight 'cos i never got about to sending this verse to my two morning callees, i saw what was before the verse:) check out psalm 5:1-2..
"Give ear to my words, O Lord
consider my sighing.
Listen to my cry for help,
my King and my God,
for to you I pray"

and the psalm goes on:)

After watching sweeney todd on thurs, i can't help but be reminded of another movie i've watched before.. Dancer in the Dark, directed by Lars Von Trier. hahaa. i borrowed it from the esplanade library before.. having watched two of the director's films - dogville and manderlay. Deryuan first introduced us to the director.. and i quite like his style. hahaa. some people don't..
but do try watching 'dancer in the dark' :) it's really good:) it's clean. except for a last scene, which happily rendered it a r21 rating due to the violence portrayed (of which the violence is not that of slashing of throats.. u'll see what i mean when u go watch the movie). i loved it because it's a musical :) and bjork was brilliant in the movie. lol. she brought out the subtleties very well..
And the song of the same title aptly describes what goes on in the plot..

"Dancer in the dark" - The Rasmus

Fate Lies ahead
Like the Sun will Rise
The Light has been gone
Far to long from your eyes

But you never changed
Never played your part
And you have erased
All the fear from your heart

And tried to forget

The light in your eyes is fading out
Nights falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark

You've seen it all
You dont mind going blind
You've seen it all
All the wonders of Life

Run to your boy
Dont conceal your scars
Run to your boy
And let him feel your love

Before it's too late

The light in your eyes keeps fading out
Nights falling deeper in the heart
Hiding the truth and crashing down
My baby's a dancer in the dark

Your sight is dying but you keep on trying to save your boy
You keep on lying but your false illusions will be destroyed

You heard it calling, but you turned your face, never played your part
Your heart ain't singing, but you dance away like a falling star

Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
Dancer in the Dark
--------
A segment from one of the many songs in the movie: (after she killed someone)

Time, it takes a tear to fall
A heart to miss a beat
A snake to shed its skin
A rose to grow a thorn
Its all the time that's needed
To forgive me
I am so sorry
I just did what i had to do
------------
oh. i got reminded of this movie because it's of a similar genre --- musical.. not because it's also about revenge. haha. new found admiration for tim burton's directing and renewed admiration for johnny debb's acting.

To prance, to spring, a dance in the air
the light twirl of a cotton string
--------
happy birthday guan!:)

I'm either
1) having half fleshed out somatic symptoms
2) still reacting to the big cup of cafe mocha I had at starbucks last night.
had quite an insomniac night.
not as bad as a few mins. but i keep waking up every 2 hours feeling very alert. o.O maybe i should have woken up to go study or something. haha.

charmed :) guys wearing shirts dancing on the stage with sharp moves .. suave. hahaa.
>.<


林俊杰 - 杀手
词:林秋离 曲:林俊杰

绝对的完美一双手
不流汗也不发抖
交叉在微笑的背后
暗藏危险的轮廓
在你最放松的时候
绝不带着任何感情就下手
从来不回头

开始的感觉 不会痛 不会痛
放大的瞳孔 就像作梦
幸福的错觉 很温暖 很包容
也许还期待
这是致命的冲动 你不懂
我不懂
究竟杀手为什么存在
因为爱 还是未知的未来

Chorus:
心情放松摇摆
在你三百米之外
N > ayez pas, n> ayez pas, n> ayez pas peur
(Do not,do not,do not be afraid.)

数着心跳等待
所有念头全抛开
锁进来 进来 这美丽的悲哀
这是爱 就是爱
全世界都不明白
Qu, est-ce que c, est?Ce>la vie.C> est la mort
(What is this?This is life and this is death.)

心情放松摇摆
在你三百米之外
感觉饥饿难耐
需要你填满空白
锁进来 进来 这美丽的悲哀
这是爱 就是爱 只有你明白
-----
songs should be sexy :D

And here I am.. typing an entry while the rest are outside.
Feeling quite sleepy 'cos of a lack of sleep.. but i got to know my relatives a little more this year!:) hahaa. quite delighted in that aspect.
shall go back out again.

my first lecture of 'human development over lifespan'. the lecturer's quite funny. no. i didn't siam lecture for 3 weeks.. i missed the first 2 'cos i never thought i'll take this module.. missed the third 'cos of quite a bad headache.

'that's where the magic is.. but i fail to be a magician.. that's why i'm standing here.' - lecturer.
hahaha.

it's like a revision of what i learned in developmental psych :) hahaa. pple like piaget, erikson, vytgosky.. are already familiar characters in my everyday life. lol.

i watched forrest gump for the first time yesterday :)
i like forrest gump :)
i like his simplicity, his ignorance, his unwavering love, his faith in God, Mama and Jenny. i like his character and i like his firm hold onto what he believes.
Check out here for some quotes from the movie :)

Stupid is as stupid does.

The producer is brilliant too.

A recent trend of thought. Relationships have been on my mind. It could have been the fault of the continuous talk about this area since exam period... I could probably attribute it to the relationship essentials seminar we had recently.. it could probably be due to the focus of the service for these 2 weeks as well. whatever it is, it's a trend of thought that's been influencing my train of thought. i'm curious to find out about my own relationships, as well as others.
as such.. the things that i do, the questions that i ask, the stuff that i write.. has all since been related to the topic as mentioned above.
i ask of you, implore you, beseech you.. to not pass judgement on the things i write; to not think further than the lines written here; to not consider more than what i wish to bring across to you.
---------
a petal fallen
a memory stolen
a heart that's broken cease to beat
---------
In the future, if I have the time and opportunity again.. i would really love to write a skit around a gentleman and a lady.. with the notion of one having..
A wondering heart..
the other..
A wandering mind.
---------------
unfounded expectations of people can cause unnecessary disappointments and frustrations.. which may not be observed by the person itself, but by others viewing the situations..
---------------
sometimes i lament the fact that there is a ceiling to the degree of intimacy between two friends. at times, i thank God for it.
--------------
there are times when i like to talk. i like to express how i feel. i like to debate with you. i like to put forth my opinions on things. i like to impart knowledge. i like to teach. i like share with you certain things that happen in my life.
today i just wanted to listen. listen to how you, or you, or you feel towards things. listen to what you have to say. listen to your opinions. listen to what you're going through.
to sit and observe what is going on around me. to listen and know you, or you, or you, a bit more without interference of thought.
give me the chance to be a listener.

there was a time in 2005 when i was talking to a brother. he was being emotional, and i understood a bit about his emotionality. having to go through the same transition a few months later, i understood a bit of his worries, his fears..
he didn't really talk to the guys in his group because he felt that they don't comprehend what he's going through. we served together before.. and perhaps found out that we were actually quite similar.
i remember we talked. i just don't remember what we talked about. he wanted to drink. i thought that was a bad idea.
i remember talking to the same brother another time at a carpark. he cried. and i didn't know what to do.
and subsequently he went to the tertiary group. and he flourished. he rose up, he pioneered a group.
and then before i knew it.. he was gone.
he's very successful now, as to what i read on his blog.. dabbling in his niche area.
i pray that he'll never forget the joys and sorrows he's experienced with You in his life.

-tell me what to believe,
won't you bring me your love
tell me what to achieve, baby
so i can move forward-

physically, i'm awake. spiritually, i'm awake.
emotionally and mentally, i'm still in snooze mode.

-analysis and theories,
what does matter really?-

after two weeks of hectice-ness, there's finally a day whereby i can wake up without setting an alarm and do what i want to do, rather than going down the day according to how it's planned. I haven't done anything much since the time i woke up..went online, checked email, blog surfed, replied a couple of smses, picked up Lexean once again to continue reading from where i stopped.

something from the magazine :)
- What's at stake is our true potential which will not be achieved by the mere fulfillments of a simple list of good-enoughs... Hiding in our mediocrity is our inability to realise that we have stopped fighting for excellence... Thanks to our obsession with material wealth, success has become distilled with a checklist of sorts: the job, the car, the address, and the goods. Why did we allow our potential and talent to become condensed into a list of material goods?

'For I know the plans I have for you.", declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' - Jeremiah 29:11

We are destined for something greater than what we are doing now.
-----------
I'm not a very independent person. haha. i like to set a time to do things with someone else. i like to set appointments with people because it motivates me to get to somewhere and do things. yet, for this semester, there are many tutorial sessions that i'm attending alone.. which actually stirs in me a desire to skip these tutorials one time too many.. (though i never did that in the end. haha)
i prefer to set an appointment with the person, then we go our seperate ways to do the thing though. hahaa. (e.g. shopping, swimming) not so much for studying..i'll die of boredom studying alone.
so for the past 2 weeks, i had the chance to be more independent. and to grow in the area of initiating stuff in tutorials. to grow in the area of doing more things myself without appointments... hahaa.
maybe it's just more of the case of learning to overcome the initial inertia by yourself, rather than having someone else with you to overcome that inertia..

I learned a few things today.
I learned in cog psych lecture that if you first suppress a thought, then express it out, you'll find that the thought doesn't cease. However, if you express a thought, then suppress it, you'll find that the thought ceases after a while. An example will be that after you break up, you'll try to not think of the other party.. yada yada.
I learned in pediatric psych that a lot of things boil down to the perception of pain.
I learned in retrospect of the trip home that I tend to be more prejudiced against guys. hahaa. That I tend to implode, then explode, then shrink. My emotions come fast. They go away fast too. A characteristic of the most emotional temperament combination. A strength and a weakness.