I'm so glad that I feel better! :D haha. my nose is still slightly blocked, but I don't feel as lethargic and weak, or as sick. hahaa. Being healthy makes a difference because being healthy allows me to have the energy to tackle issues and to work (ie. meet clients, arrange for meetings, do reports, give tuition). haha.
yay! thanks God for healthy!

"ENFJs online are kind of like INFPs in real life. Not really but sorta. Here we feel comfortable. In the world INFPs don't feel comfortable. ENFJs feel relatively comfortable in the world.... but not so much online. There isn't enough stimuli for them.... at least the stimuli that sticks out to them. They have no facial expressions to work off of. Hardly any perceptions to make judgments on.... mostly just judgments on forums etc.

Plus they don't really need to express anything online when they can do it just fine in real life.

I made up a metaphor once.....

think of a baked potato. INFPs are your run of the mill baked potato. ENFJs are a baked potato inside out.

That means that INFPs have a guard up in real life..... and feelings (potato) are inside.

ENFJs show their feelings ..... but their guard is actually pretty strong... it's just hard to see since the feelings cover them up."

quoted from online.

lol. of course, there're also people who think they know us really well just because they know how we feel. 

i think it's really frustrating to me when I can't connect to a person, could be an occupational hazard, or could just be who I am as a person. it's especially frustrating to me since you can sense the difference between yourself and a person, but you have no idea how to bridge the gap. hahaa.
gotta continue to pray to God for wisdom in this :)

rather frustrating at times as well when people think that i'm all fun and laughter. i don't know if it's a good thing that that's the image they get, or not. i rather like to think that i'm a very serious person, and because my thoughts are very serious, and rather private at times, i would tend to temper things down so that the seriousness doesn't leak through. so in a sense, my tempering of what leaks out is done well? hahaa. but people don't believe me when I say i'm a serious person.
gotta learn to not care so much about it i guess. i have no desire to open up my thoughts to each and everyone i meet as well.
i guess people think that we're already open people cos we're very freely open with our feelings and emotions. and we share readily on what happens in our lives if asked. but check on us on more private matters, and things change.
there are quite a few aspects in my life that i reserve for the people whom i'm really close to. aspects not just with regards to thoughts, but with regards to regularity, or even some privileges. hahaa.

"We're not interested in the most popular people, the one's who are the center of attention tend not to get ours, we like the quiet person we can have deep conversations with, the one's who allow us to open up and be ourselves, and the intellectuals are particularily attractive to us."

hahaha

It's been some time since i've written :)
i've cleaned up my room! yay! well, not totally. I still have boxes and boxes of things which are un-categorized at the moment :)
not getting any salary this month (my salary for feiyue would only come in in March) does kind of make people really aware of how one spends the money (especially when I have large purchases coming up). hahaa. I really just spend on now, with a few frills here and there. which I think is good! hahaa. though it gets rather uncomfortable at times cos I don't really have much savings either. hahaa. guess I really gotta build this area up well this year and next year. and considering the way things are, I don't think I can get married anytime soon. hahaa.

ENFJs can be just as introverted as INFJs or INTJs. Because we maintain such a large network of friends and social friendships [most of which are based on us being the service providers] we have to retreat into ourselves for long periods in order to engage Ti [which is traditionally our weakest function]. At times it takes us 1-2 days or even weeks to analyze a logical situation and come up with an appropriate response to a social dilemma. And in that time, we retreat from the world. Because of this need to mull over social situations, ENFJs are considered to be one of the most introverted of the extroverted types.

today I realized that I'm loved more than I thought I was.

I was just thinking about how people in the world are pretty different, and thought back to my secondary school days. haha. i think i'm used to people doing word plays and what nots because my secondary school friends are precisely like that. I spent 4 years of my life interacting with people in this manner, and singing songs after school, and being creative about the things we do, that it seems odd that normal people don't do that.
of course that probably also mean that to others, my way of interaction is odd. hahaha.

as i continually read up on the mbti personality testing types, i start to understand my needs a bit more as well. according to mbti, it is proposed that enfjs have Ni and Fe. meaning that they have internal intuition, and external feeling. which means that I subconsciously employ pattern recognition, while focusing externally on my environment (which probably explains why I become conscious of the dynamics in social relationships). haha.
and why some people irk me quite fast. it's like u can see weird motives very quickly.

i'm starting to feel that it's a waste of time to spend this extra month in school -_- I've not finished my reports and am trying to do them out of school hours, which i realize is kinda hard because i have other activities occupying my time. lol.
i hope i'm not shortchanging my inmates :\

I've been re-evaluating my own way of doing life ever since I started taking up the job at Feiyue.
Just looking at my own perspectives towards hardship. or money. or life in general.
there're many times i'm put to shame because i would go on a home visit, see the lesser income that they have, yet they're doing their best to support the inmate, as well as support their own children, and parents who need medical treatment. and here i am, having my own income, and spending it away.
i see the consequences of insufficient guidance, or the inmates not having a significant adult figure in their secondary school days, or them being labelled as naughty and nobody to address disappointments that they go through with them, and i wonder if i'm actually doing enough for my students, and sorry that i'm leaving them to the cruelty of the system.
i look at my inmates, and i see not a bunch of people who have committed wrongs, but a group of people who have not had their needs met, and went on to get their needs met in wrong ways.

strikingly similar situation to what I experienced a few years back. hahaa.
not sure if it's a good or bad thing. haha. maybe this is my second test? to see if things fare well after a few years of growth? interesting.

sometimes...
i forget to handpick the things to be concerned about, and become concerned about a lot of things. haha.
how others feel, what others' thoughts are, how to help others grow, how my relationship with others are, whether i've replied to others.
sometimes... i guess i really need to continue to submit things to God's Hands, and to be more concerned about the things i still need to do. haha.
leave the vexing to others, and the pondering to another day!

too much changes going on in my life. lol.
change in lg. and people. and dynamics T_T
change in workplace. which i welcome, but a stressor nevertheless.
change in japanese class teacher, and class itself. nearly forgot about this.
continual change in status of friends, my friends are getting attached, or getting married.

hahaha.
i think it's the first time I've ever dreamed of being on the receiving end of who I am as a person. hahaa. quite interesting. rather therapeutic, but have to guard heart! haha

i tend to think/read/pray/reflect/write down things at night. haha.
but my work forces me to sleep earlier so that i won't die through the day.
can't wait for February when the timing can be more flexible, and I can actually be more productive in my work (i hope).
haha.
there's too little time to think :) i have tons of things to reflect through and make sense of, which i'm unable to do so at this moment cos things like report-writing are occupying my mind :\

i borrowed Jingting's description and used the same words "they're very brave" to describe this new coupling I know.
I can only imagine the social expectations they have to go against, as well as a lot of explaining to do. the new grounds both of them will have to navigate through. may God be in the centre of their relationship :)

lol. just flatly told someone to stop messaging me.
i think facebook is awkward because people whom u dun even know well at all (like talk only once, introduce ONCE) can message u and keep messaging u.
really need to separate my friends from acquaintances too. feels uncomfortable.

JUDGMENT DAY (2013) TEASER #02 (zz, shunyi, myself (big pink bag) as passerbys at 0:19-0:21. LOL)

Serving in the Christmas drama has really touched my heart greatly. seeing everyone work together, seeing everyone serving together... and seeing how the many many small hands put together can produce something that God can use to touch the hearts of people, the insignificant words written, which did not seem much, were used by God to make people laugh, to make people think, to touch something within them.
when i receive the praises from the people, i get reminded of how there're so many more people who deserve the praises much more than me. the amount of time and effort they've put into the whole production. i saw unsung heroes who gave and did not ask for things in return. the actors who didn't have any lines, but had to put in as much time (or even more time than me) and much more effort in thinking up a plot for their actions, the directors who had to put in time for 3 rehearsals a week for at least 2 months, staying with us, encouraging us, directing us, making each detail better. the parents of the children who acted, who came, left, came, left, had to yield their schedules to the timing of the rehearsals as well. the lights people who were there for so many more hours than us, who had to be on duty for the entire stretch of time. the stage managers, production crew who did up the dance, the music, the multimedia.the image people who had to be there as early as us in the morning to ensure that we look presentable for stage.
i just get reminded that i'm merely a fingerprint contributing to the collage that forms a whole picture.