realized this while i was talking to justin.
i find it ironic that i've swung from one extreme to another.
lol.
i used to be someone who will pour everything out to God. and then neglect to share my weaknesses and vulnerabilities with others. so it'd seem as though i'm always okay, or strong, or able to deal with things. when in actual fact, i still felt upset, i needed human input as well. i'm a human, who needs the company of other humans as well. but 'cos of my fear of being vulnerable, and the keen awareness of how humans are sinful, i turn to God.
and God was my refuge.
but it caused people to not know who i am.
to not know what i'm struggling with (they only knew after i made sense of the struggles).
to not be able to be that hand that God uses to lift me up. i didn't give them a place in my areas of weakness.
and then a couple of factors caused me to swing to the other extreme. to share a lot with people, to depend on people much much more, and then i started to neglect pouring out first to God.
but i guess in this period of time i learned to be more vulnerable, and i learned more about what it means to be a friend.
and i quite like it :) i quite like the fact that i got to know people more. that people got to know me much more too. that i don't always have to be strong in front of other people.
i guess the thing is, i learned to finally show myself in front of others.
and i'm glad :)
now the key is to strike that balance between independence and dependence :)
actually right now, i'm pretty irritated at myself. and a little irritated at the world.