AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i wanna kill some students!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i like to write letters :)
'cos they remind me to be thankful :)
and remind me of the people that God has placed in my life :)

it feels almost as bad as the time when the sister told me (something to the effect)
'we wanted to give you a cg but we felt that it might not the best for the people since the most you'd be staying in the school is till the end of year.'
issit something i've not finished resolving?
it's like the God giving, and God taking.
and yet i didn't receive it.
so in a way, i don't know if God has given. and whether He has taken.
and it upsets me so much.
the state of almost having it, but not having it in the end.
and there's nothing i can do.
'cos it's out of my control.
at times it caused me to be frustrated
at times it made me sad
at times i just felt like being angry
and then the logical side of me takes over and reminds me to be forward looking
but it does cause me to have the fear of wanting something:\

hahaa.
Am on trial membership for MHA (Mental Health Academy) for a month.
I am determined to finish as many courses in it as possible!
This is one of the course I'm signed up for. hahahaa. so funny :)


Time Management

Overview
Effective time management can add hours to a person's daily life. Those hours can mean the difference between having quality of life and feeling strained. Effective time management is not simply focusing on matters of organisation or looking at how to squeeze the maximum amount out of each hour of the day. It is also about investigating the psychological and emotional factors that contribute to the feeling of being time pressured. This course provides a multitude of strategies for managing time and assisting others in managing their time.

Content
In this course you will learn: basic principles of time management (the 80/20 rule, prime time, don't try to change everything at once and new habits take time to form); wellbeing and vitality concepts (diet for energy, exercise, mental fatigue and burnout and sleep); psychological factors in time management (personal congruence, goals and motivation, setting objectives, taking responsibility, procrastination, indecision and being in the moment) and; organisational factors in time management (organising goals, dealing with everyday life, systems and checklists, prepare for tomorrow - today, dealing with overload, travel time, procrastination from an organisational viewpoint and diaries and planners).

Interesting right! :)
Am also signed up for person centered, SFBT, assertiveness training and ethical dilemmas. Think if I have time, I'd also go for gestalt.. since I've been using gestalt and sfbt very often these days :\

hahaha.
i find this funny!

Ah Beng came back from church one day and was very excited about what he learned. He told Ah Lian excitedly , “ I have discovered a new name for God ? Ah Lian asked, “Is Jehovah or El Shaddai,?”. “No”, Ah Beng replied. “What about Jehovah Rophe, or Jehovah Jireh ?” “No , you have not heard this one before” replied Ah Beng. “Okay I give up. What is the new name of God you discovered in church today ?” asked Ah Lian. Ah Beng replied with a huge smile “It is Harold”.
Ah Lian said, “You are fooling me, Where in the Bible did it say that God’s name is Harold ?”
Ah Beng replied, “But I heard the Pastor pray this morning, “Our Father who is in heaven, Harold be Your name"

oh mannnnnn

think the whole school's stressed except for me :)
heh.
---------------
i find it amusing to see couples in Hope dropping their hands after being surprised/shocked by me. lol.
----------------
i do admit that it affected me a little.
negative thoughts that will come up which needs checking through:)
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" Phil 4:8 :D
and i truly agree with the following verse!
Prov 17:22 “A merry heart does good like medicine but the broken spirit dries the bones”.
haha:) thank God for joy in merry hearts :) though circumstances may differ, and may not change, but i know i can still give thanks for He is good, for there's a purpose in all things that come my way, for whatever I'm experiencing is only for a short while (in the light of eternity).
because He lives, i can face tomorrow.

:)
love is patient
love is kind
it does not envy
it does not boast
it is not proud
it is not rude
it is not self seeking
love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth
it always protects
always trusts
always hopes
always perseveres
love never fails.
:)

Watched The Lovely Bones with Jan and Weiling yesterday :)
i enjoyed it very much :D was quite sad at the part where the father smashed the bottles after the daughter died :( i like the way they portrayed how the parents dealt with the grief and loss of the daughter :) and i do quite like how one scene flows into another in susie's heaven.. not just the fantasy part, but the also the part where they showed all the dead girls. felt that part was done very well.
:)
then went out with some of my colleagues today to visit a colleague who had an operation :) was nice to be able to get to know more a little more, especially on a casual basis, rather than in the school :) my poor colleague was narrating and showing us photos of her ruptured cyst. lol. some stupid doctor went to sew her skin to the tube which draws the blood out -.-
then we went to eat at bedok dunno what. hahaa. ate at Spize :) nice yl drove us there! :D oh. and got to know some updates. i was pretty surprised to see R linking arms with A when we met them to go to my colleague's house together O.o guess i'm pretty slow on the uptake :P lol. funny :) kept teasing B and yl too :P
interesting to see how B acts towards yl. it looks like a quiet kind of 'i will do my best to make you happy and i will respect you' thing towards her. i thought it was pretty interesting to observe. lol :)
we got treated by the man who's working hard to earn money for his marriage! hahaha.
performance bonus is coming in 4 mins' time! :D yay! hahaa
my boss asked me to give 10% of my performance bonus to him -.-

I think I find it amusing when people use slight sarcasm. lol.
maybe 'cos sometimes slight sarcasm makes for quite a witty comment :)

Received this in the school email from one of the colleagues after the school gave him a hamper for his newborn baby:

"Thank you all for the wonderful gift.. (Bird's nest for the mommy, baby rattle, bib and diaper for the baby, basket for the daddy :)"

hahaha. so funny!
basket for the daddy. hahahahaa.
poor dad.
LOL

From shuyi's blog post:

"If God's goal is to grow us as adults, then on occasion, guidance may not come. In effect God is saying, "I trust you; decide for yourself." E. Stanley Jones explain:

Obviously God must guide us in a way that will develop spontaneity in us. The development of character, rather than direction in this, that, and the other matter, must be the primary purpose of the Father. He will guide us, but He won't override us. That fact should make us use with caution the method of sitting down with a pencil and a blank sheet of paper to write down the instructions dictated by God for the day. Suppose a parent would dictate to the child minutely everything he is to do during the day. The child would be stunted under that regime. The parent must guide in such a manner, and to the degree, that autonomous character, capable of making right decisions for itself, is produced. God does the same.

Becoming fully functioning adults is the goal, not children who must always be told exactly what to do."

I fully concur! :D
let them grow.
let them make mistakes and learn from them.
a sheltered plant will only wither under scorching sun and be rooted in a storm. doesn't mean we expose the plant unnecessarily also la. lol
------------------
one of my colleagues in the workplace gave me a carebear :D hahaha
so sweet of her :)
it's yellow and soft and now sitting in my shelf :)
cheers up my side of the room :) it's like a spot of sunshine.

guannie brightened up my day ^^

and i got reminded that God loves them more than i do.

hello...........

...

.

hello?

hello.. o.O

hellooooooooooooooooooooo

helllllooo???????

hello.

.. he..l..l. o.. ..

hello!!!!!!! ??!?!?!?!?!!???????

??

>_<

hello :(

hellloooo .

h.


..
....
.

oh man.
i miss miss miss secondary school after school singing sessions.
i miss singing duets!

I dun like to do spring cleaning :)
but God has provided good conditions for spring cleaning.
hahaha.
1) rain :D i love rain :D
2) bright light and a conducive room to play music on the system :D (interestingly, music by King of Convenience fits nicely into rainy day spring cleaning mood. hahaa. here's one)
3) occasional smses from people (specifically Joanne and penguin and jan)
4) occasional chats (specifically from justin)
5) facebook (specifically the presence of the sudoku applet :D)

yay :)
and seeing the end at hand motivates me! :D

lol
i've been using a lot of gestalt therapy :\
heh.
empty chair last week.
imagery this week :\
i need to be more effective!:)
been using a combi of solution focused cum behavioural cum affective.
hmmm.
:D

shokudo is like my new hiding place. LOL.
i've been going there for shepherdings, for dinners, for thinking and reflecting :)
shokudo at heeren is SUPER SUPER empty. and i really mean super empty.
they have this $4.90 (before 5pm) promotions 'cos nobody goes there. hahahaa.
like there'd be 3 people there at 5+pm :D
and like 7 tables occupied at 7+pm. haha.
compared to cityhall's... which'd have the whole restaurant filled at 7+pm:)
:D:D:D
the bad thing is that i'd keep wanting to try the different things there :) lol.
ate oden today! have been wanting to have oden since my birthday. LOL. tried karashi for the first time in my life. tastes like tasteless wasabi -.-
and i realized tt the gray gray thing with black dots is actually konnyaku! :D i like! hahaa. no taste though :) love the soup base for the oden. slightly salty:D
tried the grean tea ice cream too :) too strong. lol. and a little watery. not as nice as azabu's :)
saved $3.70 today 'cos of cash rebates :D hahaha.
shall go again soon :) to do more reading and reflecting :D

and I've turned into one big cynic ^^

On friendship :)

An extract from here:
From young adulthood onward, our notion of what makes a good friendship changes very little, but our capacity to maintain one does. It's a poignant reality; we know what it means to be and have friends, but after we graduate from college and go our separate ways—launching our careers, getting married, having children, getting divorced, caring for aging parents—we're often unable to muster the time and energy to maintain friendships we profess to value. Like anything else in life, if we want to remain friends with someone, it requires a little work. Simply put, we must show up.

According to Marquette University psychologist Debra Oswald, who has studied the nature and complexity of high school "best" friendships, there are four basic behaviors necessary to maintain the bond. And they hold true whether we're 17 or 70.

Communication facilitates the first two essential behaviors: self-disclosure and supportiveness, both necessary for intimacy. We must be willing to extend ourselves, to share our lives with our friends, to keep them abreast of what's going on with us. Likewise, we need to listen to them and offer support.

Fortunately, studies show that physical proximity has little effect on the ability to keep a friendship in working order. Moving to another state is not the friendship death knell it once was, thanks to the Web. Between e-mail and cell phones with free long distance, we're able to stay close. Maintaining a lively e-mail correspondence may often be as good as being there.

Interaction is the third essential in tending to a friendship. You've got to write, you've got to call, you've got to visit. Find the nearest Starbucks and take time to catch up. "The specific activity doesn't matter," says Oswald. "The important thing is to interact."

The last and most elusive behavior necessary for keeping friends is being positive. Social psychologists tout the necessity of self-disclosure, but that doesn't mean an unrestricted license to vent. At the end of the day, the intimacy that makes a friendship thrive must be an enjoyable one, for the more rewarding a friendship, the more we feel good about it, the more we're willing to expend the energy it takes to keep it alive.

Eventually, my best friend, Olivia, went back to school to earn her master's in social work. She now has a full caseload of patients that consumes her time. Even though she lives within bicycling distance, we've resorted to e-mailing and talking on our cell phones whenever we take our daily walks, she in her neighborhood, me in mine, at whatever hour we can fit it in. And we do, always, make time to fit it in, which is how we stay good friends.

oh. i realized that i'm irritated at self centered people.
yay :)

i guess this happens when you live your world too externally -.-

realized this while i was talking to justin.
i find it ironic that i've swung from one extreme to another.
lol.
i used to be someone who will pour everything out to God. and then neglect to share my weaknesses and vulnerabilities with others. so it'd seem as though i'm always okay, or strong, or able to deal with things. when in actual fact, i still felt upset, i needed human input as well. i'm a human, who needs the company of other humans as well. but 'cos of my fear of being vulnerable, and the keen awareness of how humans are sinful, i turn to God.
and God was my refuge.
but it caused people to not know who i am.
to not know what i'm struggling with (they only knew after i made sense of the struggles).
to not be able to be that hand that God uses to lift me up. i didn't give them a place in my areas of weakness.
and then a couple of factors caused me to swing to the other extreme. to share a lot with people, to depend on people much much more, and then i started to neglect pouring out first to God.
but i guess in this period of time i learned to be more vulnerable, and i learned more about what it means to be a friend.
and i quite like it :) i quite like the fact that i got to know people more. that people got to know me much more too. that i don't always have to be strong in front of other people.
i guess the thing is, i learned to finally show myself in front of others.
and i'm glad :)
now the key is to strike that balance between independence and dependence :)
actually right now, i'm pretty irritated at myself. and a little irritated at the world.

...
there was once a rag doll
who was bought and taken by a girl
and the girl adored it
so the rag doll was happy
and thought that being at the side of the girl
means it'd be there for eternity
what the rag doll did not realize
is that the girl will never really love the rag doll
for it is only a rag doll
good for hugging
and for comfort
but not for company
and thus after a while
the rag doll realized that it was no longer wanted
and it was left at the side of the bed
and so it watched on
as the girl grew up
and loved other things instead
and that's when the rag doll realized
that it was never loved
just used
and soon to be thrown away
and upon that realization
she gave up hope
and just waited for the day that'd come
when she'd be thrown out into the cold
...

was reading an email from guanrui, and i think that really triggered me off to think about my own reasons as to why i decided to move over to YG in the first place. i was given the choice to stay in the nus group for half a year more, or to move on to YG.. and i really took some time to pray and sought God about it.
that also triggered me off in thinking about why i decided to be a counsellor in the first place.
about my own desires to grow people in the group.
about influencing wherever i go.
and about the desire to use my personality and talents(what God has given me) to build the people around me.
and at this juncture, i'm just wondering, how much of it have I fulfilled? what are the things I still need to do? What do I continually need to grow in?

ooooh O.o

Remember - Annonymous

Remember the day I borrowed your brand
new car and I dented it?
I thought you'd kill me, but you didn't.
And remember the time I dragged you to the
beach and you said it would rain, and it did?
I thought you'd say, "I told you so." But you didn't.
Do you remember the time I flirted with all the
guys to make you jealous, and you were?
I thought you'd leave me, but you didn't.
Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry
pie all over your car rug?
I thought you'd hit me, but you didn't.
And remember the time I forgot to tell you the
dance was formal and you showed up in Jeans?
I thought you'd drop me, but you didn't.
Yes, there were lots of things you didn't do.
But you put up with me, and you loved me,
and you protected me.
There were lots of things I wanted to make up to
you when you returned from Vietnam.
But you didn't.

Got this in my email:

All of the wonders around us are accidental. No almighty hand made a thousand-billion stars. They made themselves. No power keeps them on their steady course. The earth spins itself to keep the oceans from falling off toward the sun. Infants teach themselves to cry when they are hungry or hurt. A small flower invented itself so that we could extract digitalis for sick hearts. The earth gave itself day and night, tilted itself so that we get seasons. Without the magnetic poles man would be unable to navigate the trackless oceans of water and air, but they just grew there.
How about the sugar thermostat in the pancreas? It maintains a level of sugar in the blood sufficient for energy. Without it, all of us would fall into a coma and die. Why does snow sit on mountaintops waiting for the warm spring sun to melt it at just the right time for the young crops in farms below to drink? A very lovely accident.
A human heart will beat for 70 or 80 years without faltering. How does it get sufficient rest between beats? A kidney will filter poison from the blood, and leave good things alone. How does it know one from the other? Who gave the human tongue flexibility to form words, and a brain to understand them, but denied it to all other animals? Who showed a womb how to take the love of two persons and keep splitting a tiny ovum until, in time, a baby would have the proper number of fingers, eyes and ears and hair in the right places, and come into the world when it is strong enough to sustain life?

Psalm 14:1 - The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”

clearing backlog~ :) in different areas of my life~ :)

i think recently i was just thinking more of how things in the past affect me..
specifically in the areas of unconscious influences.. not that i've not thought about these areas before, it's more of how i've been doing more evaluation and more deliberate tracking of where my beliefs and emotions and thoughts come from.
and i realized that there may be certain things i realized before, but i don't acknowledge them.
and perhaps sometimes the reason i don't acknowledge them is 'cos i don't want to believe that these things affect me.
hahaa.
ah wells.

and i realized i feel irked by superficiality.
------------------------
i think it's time i start to take care of God's temple a little more.
guess i do have that tendency to want to protect/shelter another person, when in actual fact maybe the person doesn't need protecting/sheltering. or rather, perhaps i don't trust that God can grow the other person much much more?
-.- at myself. lol.
hmmm.
and i realized i keep doing this!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

i guess i'm starting to understand a little more about why God created different genders.
lol.
and how different genders are concerned about different things primarily.
like how relationships (not just bgr, but friendships.. my relationship with God) will always be going around in my mind.
but i find i can always discuss about these with other female friends.
but not so often with guys.

sad :(

today accidentally and non-incidentally, i got to come to know of information about 2 sisters.
quite excited :) especially for one of the sisters. it's like my bgr predictions coming to pass. LOL.
hahahhaa.
okies.
on a sadder note, i also got to know the full story of something tt happened to another sister. and now i could really understand why she felt the way she did.
sometimes apologies can't change certain things. especially when she waited for 3 years >_<
makes me a little disillusioned in the opposite gender. hohoho.

just finished watching stardust :D
so nice! :)
love the feel of the place at that time. and the costumes. hahaha :)
a quote from Yvaine :)
"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan is... I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. "
i think sometimes amidst all the pain, it's hard to remember of the love in this world.
gotta keep Jesus in sight! keep the author and perfecter of love in sight :)

“The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.” Thomas Hardy

funny.
doctor did an ecg for me and detected nothing.
he said if this happens again, i either have a heart problem, or i had a panic attack, and he said i should know what it means if i had a panic attack since i'm a counsellor.
glad to hear i'm not the only aed(c) who's started to fall sick more often though. lol.
i dunno.
company in misery. hahaha

Woke up this morning with palpitations O.o
and then went to brush teeth
and started to feel nauseous.
and then went to sit down
and then continued to have the desire to want to puke
>_<
so called the other ftsc and smsed my vp.
:\

oooooooo
hurts a bit to say tt :\
guess i need to continue to grow in this :)
or else cannot support properly as a friend!

documented occupational hazards of aed(c)s -- happens to two or more people:

1) tension headaches
2) high blood pressure

it's not good to counsel a grieving student on an empty stomach and a lack of sleep. :\ don't have the counselling stamina. lol.
i punctured after an hour, and had to stop the session.