for all people who like to play multiplayer games=D
here's a multiplayer game website: Silent Storm. yup.
do try it out and give comments :) one of my friend's bf's website. yup.
thanks!:)
oh yes. try shadow of legend. not divine tears.
and give comments. give comments. give comments. give comments=)

i've found a new anime =D
it's called kuroshitsuji and falls into the genre of gothic horror (which i quite like and enjoy :P)
i wanted to talk about something, but i forgot.
.
oh yes.
forgiveness.
i learned something new today :)
about how forgiveness is a gift.
i think it's so true how often we (and i) choose not to forgive 'cos we'll be like 'he/she don't deserve it'... or we'll say things along the lines of 'i've already done so much!' or 'how come it always has to be me who forgives?'
forgiveness is a gift. the person doesn't deserve it, but we give it. it's a gift.
just as how God has forgiven us and gives us this gift every moment every day, He expects us to give it to the people around us (who have hurt us in some way or another as well).
it's a gift:)
when i heard it, i was like 'wowwww'

Sleepy.
haha.
Woke up at 3.20am 'cos it was very warm, and there was a mosquito flying around my ear (realized afterwards that I got bitten 4 times).
Then tried to sleep till around 4am, when i buay tahan and decided to wake up instead.
Now i'm feeling sleepy :S
Was thinking about how ironic sometimes it is that we may say that we're willing to die for certain people, and yet in our daily actions, we don't actually do much for that person, or am not willing to sacrifice and all. shouldn't death have been the ultimate sacrifice to make, and all other things to have paled in comparison. so if we say that we're willing to die for someone, should it not be that we'll be more willing to do the other things? considering that they all pale in comparison to death.
considering that the sacrifice of death (if used at all) can only be used once, and sacrifices of times, effort and finance can be used again and again, how come it's so hard for us to still do it?
heh.
anyway, medical in social work exam coming soon :) haha. thank God for guan who taught me quite a lot while talking just now about the module. yay. quite glad.

yay. thank God. i feel much better.
took medicine for both fever and asthma, i can breathe normally now. that lifted my spirits quite a bit.
now i can go and study.
i pray that i can have quality studying!

i hate falling sick. i'm okay with fevers, but especially hate colds, sore throats and coughs.. 'cos they usually lead to an asthmatic episode (it's not a matter of severity).
i've always thought that it's normal for everyone to not be able to breathe properly/feel breathless/have difficulty in breathing when they're having coughs, turns out it's not. until i realized that it's not.
today was a horrible day. it's a combination of sore throat (which has mostly dissipated), cold (which permanently require clearing), cough (which is usually used to clear phlegm), breathlessness (i couldn't breathe properly even after i took medicine) and a fever that comes and goes, comes and goes (burning eyes, warm head, cold feet and fear of water.)
it's not pleasant to not be able to breathe properly through your nose, and also having to breathe through mouth laboriously. i spent most of the day sleeping (on my bed, in my parents' bed, on my sofa..) and haven't really started on studying.
was contemplating filling up the form for special consideration 'cos i've got papers tmr evening and friday morning, but didn't know if my symptoms were serious enough.
i dun feel like studying :(

can't study 'cos not feeling well.
my body is telling me to go rest go rest, while my brain is telling me to go study go study.
thank God my first three exams are open books.

Was reading the readings on child abuse a few days back. Now it's battered women's syndrome. Not as if I'm new to it (learned about it in trauma psych before), but hearing testimonies about it is quite disheartening.
anyway, to cut things short, it's never okay for repeated hittings to happen. it's never okay for the husband to hit the wife. it's not okay for the wife to take the beatings. and it's not the wife's fault when the husband hits the wife.
there's a testimony of this woman who lost her kidneys 'cos her date (not even her husband!) threw her onto the stove in a fit of anger and stomped on her before that. and women usually break their arms in trying to defend themselves from the blows, or break the bones in their ribcage because they were kicked and stepped on.

I realized something interesting today (interesting to me anyway).
my L1 is supposed to be chinese.. so by right it should be easier for me to access chinese in my lexicon than english...
but! today when someone asked about how to go to the lorong 7 market in chinese, i realized that the first words that come to mind are in english, and i needed to make a conscious effort to translate to chinese before telling the person.
oh dear.

reading zhixin's blog makes me miss japanese. haha.
so far, i can quite understand anime even if they don't have subtitles (the rough gist of it), but i still can't read well (my kanji sucks XD) hahaha.
日本語が好きですから、時間がありません。そして、お金がありません。でも、アニメから自分日本語は勉強します。
oh no. my grammar is all wrong. hahaha.

the stimuli used for the plunkett paper is killing me. i went through the introduction and lit review pretty fast, but the stimuli required quite a bit of analysis and thinking O.o why do people make it so complicated and try to explain after that? makes me so confused. lol. hahaha.

Recently, Aya Hirano has been very famous in the scenes of seiyu because of her voice-overs in haruhi suzumiya and lucky star (both of which, though looking like it should be for girls, actually are found in manga targetted at guys O.o) it's quite funny. hahaa. i've enjoyed both anime so far.. on most part because of its randomness.
watching hyakko next! i've kinda abandoned d grayman (after hooking people on it) for now and am not watching 2nd season of vampire knight for now('cos first season was not very captivating). have abandoned naruto (though i'd want to catch it again in the far future) and bleach (got bored of their bankais) and other anime ('cos i lost my whole list of anime-i'm-watching).
so currently am catching toradora (which yizhong thought was hentai... ... ... it's pg. and very clean. no fan service, no ecchi stuff, no violence), jigoku shoujo mitsuganae, watashitachi no kyokasho (jdrama about this lawyer finding out the truth about bullying in the school setting) and shugo chara (need something lighthearted. haha). was contemplating kurozuka, but found that it was too violent for my liking (even worse than claymore).
so i've cut down from catching 20+ anime series to 4. hahahhahaha.

oh my gosh. i am super exhausted.
been feeling exhausted since 10++pm.
was telling the e1a pple how i was taking a nap, and consciously i knew it was nearing 4 pm (had something then) and i wanted to wake up, but couldn't.

i was quite encouraged during service today :) encouraged and touched 'cos what pastor brendon was talking about really resonated with what i know and what i believe in. i'm not so much a physics person, but the biological part really resonated with my interest. haha. have learned some of the stuff he talked about before, but seeing it being put into diagrams and videos made it so much clearer. in addition, having it accompanied by other facts put a lot of things into perspective :)
i didn't get the chance to hear much 'cos was outside settling youth camp registrations.. but thank God that i still managed to catch a bit :) hehe.
was also touched 'cos i saw a brother who was not in service for some time, in service today. caught him through the recep tv :) haha. was just reading his blog earlier before service and was quite burdened 'cos he sounded very jaded and i guess i can understand his jaded-ness. i guess in a sense, i'm not close to him, but we've served in the same ministry before, and it saddens me to see what he wrote. of course, the fact that he came from the same ministry as two other pple i know (and know well) who've backslided from hope doesn't help.
but glad that he was here :) and i guess ultimately human beings (like me) can disappoint, but God's Words remain, God's truth remains, God's sacrifice remains.
our imperfections do not blemish His holiness. it just shows that we still have a long way to go.

Some 30 year old guy (note my earlier post on my opinions on authority or older people) called me a presto intellect on crunchyroll.com on my opinions on fansubbing and what-nots. they're having a heated argument about the legality of fansubs (of animes and what-nots). i have no idea what he's trying to achieve, and frankly speaking, to call someone a presto intellect (he did this to others too) is a form of flaming, isn't it?
i feel insulted. blah.
at any rate, i don't see what's the use of that argument on the crunchyroll boards when
1) it's on an anime hosting website. and i doubt arguing on the board will reduce people's desire or demand for subbed anime. especially if the person is flaming others and trying to assert his own opinion for the sake of asserting, with others not caring/knowing him because he's too (uh-hem) 'intellectual'/snobbish.
2) it is true that subbed media increase the popularity of the drama/anime and thus is kinda like advertising for the media in general. as i was saying, most of the time, they don't earn a lot through the official vcds anyway (unless you're a regular buyer, then in that case, if you like the anime or drama series, one would go buy it.. kinda like how music sampling goes about now?), but more so through the accompanying merchandise (movies have this source of revenue as well) --> correct me if i'm wrong.
3) all raws come from japan sites. shouldn't they stop things at the root instead of complaining about subs? if there're no raws, there won't be subbed anime:P
blah.
and yes, i'm still annoyed at being called a presto intellect. lol
it's time to study for exams :)
last exam of my nus life. every moment is memorable at this moment. lol.
probably feels the same for others, but things (from doing assignments to taking exams) have kinda changed for me 'cos it's my last exam and somehow or another, the grades ain't important anymore.
i was saying how the external motivation is being taken away 'cos i've applied for my job and there is a high chance (i think) that i may get the job.. so the grades ain't that important. ah well :)
but i still enjoy exam periods. i've always enjoyed exam periods ('cos of the freedom in planning out your own time and the close fellowship. the monotony of tasks too. hahaha). also 'cos exam periods are the free-est times of the year!:)

Watching 'watashitachi no kyokasho (our textbook)'. episode 1 is quite depressing :\ talks abt bullying and all in school. quite sad. ah.

I'm officially stuck.
Been stuck at the cognitive section for some time. Diverted the attentional resources to finish up the job application form for being a counsellor, sent another email regarding the position of a part-time research assistant, and I'm still stuck.
ah well.

Today's history and systems test was hard O.o
oh well :) the mcq part was okay. the connecting names to systems and names to names (who influenced who -- as if i care O.o) was not easy. lol.
felt groggy for the rest of the day. was better after napping, but relatively distracted. haha.
took a few hours to settle down, so by 7, i was ready to do work. quite alert and rested.
and the lights of hq didn't come on O.o
i was sitting there waiting for the lights to come on when i got impatient and wondered why no one was doing anything. so i decided to do something (since everyone else is not doing anything. blah) on the way back from the security post (the security was out patrolling :P), i saw a girl calling the oed people. thank God for her. the lights came on after that. and i saw some people smiling/exclaiming in relief.
but seriously ah. i felt annoyed 'cos everyone was just waiting. i bet it was uncomfortable trying to read in the dark (saw this couple trying to read using the comp light. for goodness sake, shouldn't they have just gone to report it/call oed about it so that they can get the lights on? gee.)
there's a threshold to my patience (lol. biological terms.)
i wonder if the confrontational and intellectual side of me will render me ineffective as an empathetic counsellor?

hahaha. i don't know why everyone's so interested in whether machines have consciousness.
seriously speaking, it doesn't bother me or capture my attention. molymeux's question was more enticing to me.
was googling to see if any kind soul has posted any questions on the pl4202 quiz online and found a few 'reviews' on the module.
Review #1:
I refer to this as my pseudo-philosophy class, since for the first half of the semester we were mired in terms such as dualism, consciousness, and other vague terms that did not hold my interest. It was mostly a talky class, with the lecturer interacting with a few outspoken students while the slower-brained ones (like myself) sat and watched the clock.

I really dislike false advertising in IVLE module outlines, and I didn’t realise it was going to degenerate into a giant discussion session. At least some history got taught, in the form of dates, notable contributions and so on, but it didn’t make up the bulk of the module. While it’s an effective module in terms of making the students think critically and deeply, it does not satisfy my criterion of “can I score”. I’m sorry, but if employers only want to see the triangular letters and have no interest in how well I can argue for a functionalist perspective on machine AI, then I shall only focus of the ability of the module to fulfill that criterion. I’d recommend this module to others only if they really love talking in class, or have a high enough CAP to make up for the shortfall this module may cause.

review #2:
firstly, something interesting was raised by prof elliot in history and systems of psychology seminar today. for once in a long time i was actually thinking hard about something. in case u think it's an interesting class, no it's not. it's boring like mad. thong can sleep under the nose of the prof throughout the lesson and no one will notice. half the time basically consists of the ongoing dialogue between prof elliot and a certain guy in class (by this i mean just the two of them) and the rest of the class either sleep or pretend to understand. but once in awhile interesting topics like today's will be fed to the class, and at least it's interesting as compared to anything else possible to happen in that class...

haha! so it's not only our semester who sees a lecture conversing for one hour in class with an extremely talkative guy while the rest of us try to keep on track and keep awake :)
but i do enjoy the module actually. i like the philosophy part. and i like how the textbook is written. it's super funny. haha. i don't quite understand the flow of his notes though:S

my brain was quite stoned for around an hour. lol
now it's picking up again :) good.
1892 was the year that apa started :) 1986 was the year that nus offer the psychology course. hahaha. in 1990, the first 11 honours students graduated (including Dr Sim.. and eh. a professor of SMU who has the same name and surname as my ul now).
g stanley hall started the first experimental lab.
i hope i remember what they say abt things.
the intentional stance and what nots paper seems to be missing:S

ooh. one of my uncles just passed away.
not very close to him though :\

hahaa. just finished last episode of trick 3. hq's too dark to do work 'cos of rain. lol. excuses.
AH. but the scriptwriters are good :) they had a good idea. kinda amazing how they managed to sustain the script from the first series to now:)
my writing skills are really not there yet. haha.

tummyache :(
bad one.

Just finished a 3-page reflection on the case of Mr and Mrs Chia. they're really very encouraging:) I don't think they're extraordinarily resilient, or super strong. They're ordinary people, with an extraordinary God and extraordinary thoughts. imagine yourself as a guy getting multiple sclerosis and having to rely on your wife for your movements and activities of daily living (e.g. bathing and even clearing your bowels). And imagine yourself as a wife having to quit your job, take care of your husband, take care of 3 children (ages, 4, 6 and 8). It's quite a recipe for great caretaker fatigue and great disgruntlement towards God.
but they didn't. which i found was quite amazing. they grieved for a short while, accepted that God has allowed this to happen and he must have a reason for it, and moved on to the practical aspects of adapting their lives to the disease. It's not to say that they completely don't have thoughts about it, they do. but they don't let these thoughts manifest into bitterness.
and it's amazing to see how God provides for them as well.
not to say they're the perfect example, or they had perfect responses.. they don't. haha. but it's so refreshing to see this case. i was expecting a lot of pouring out on the fatigue, anger, guilt that she faced, disappointment with God, disappointment with self.. and i saw none of that. i saw a tired face with a joyful disposition and an accepting heart.
it really refreshed my soul.

heh. i'm looking at grief and loss (need to write reflection paper on it) and i saw a link to grieving the loss of a pet.
think i agree with what the website says, that many-a-times people undermine the sense of loss a pet owner can feel when the pet is gone.
i've lost quite a few pets myself (they die when they're taken care of by me O.o oh dear.) i've had two terrapins, 21 goldfishes, 1 fighting fish and 2 hamsters (one dwarf and one syrian). think the death that struck me the most was the death of my syrian hamster (which was with me for abt 2 yrs and 9 months). my two terrapins died when i was in school, so i never saw them die. their presence was here, and suddenly gone. the 21 goldfishes died one after another quite quickly (i only had them for abt a month:S) the fighting fish was more poor thing. it was with me for one day (forgot to put something to cover the container and it jumped out:S) the dwarf hamster (chloe) was given to me by my jc friends and died within 2 weeks (sigh). was quite close to clover (my syrian hamster) 'cos it was my first furry pet and the first pet i took care of myself (expenses and all). can still remember the night when she died. she ran around the bed once, then lay on the tissue i laid out on her favourite spot, then died. thinking about it grieves me :(
i was just telling my mum how if chi dies, we'll both be very sad. 'cos chi is bigger (physically) and will probably live longer. lol. oh well.

Doing the compilation for the group project paper for the module Social Work in Medical Setting (which is a module giving social work majors a glimpse of what medical social workers do. lol). It's quite amazing how so many weeks have gone past since the start of the project (at the first tutorial, where I got traumatized by crystal - the relief tutor. lol)
from interviewing mr and mrs chia, to doing up the presentation (which crystal commented was very well done, very clear. our presentation was like the only one that everyone was interested in, and probably managed to stay awake without much effort. hohoho. yay) to writing the final report now.. think i've learned much in this module (not from the lectures. hahaha. but really from the tutorials, from the cases of the social workers who come and teach us:) not a bad module. heh.
i'm quite glad i took these modules. modules which deal more with trauma and hospital settings. pretty interesting :)

Just finished the second season of Trick :) postponed the last episode to today 'cos had to discipline myself to sleep at 2am yesterday. whahaa.
i hope to be able to write scripts that portray hidden feelings next time. hahaha.

I've decided to charge for using my comp to play the licensed games that i have. haha. at a rate of $1 per hour ($0.50 for per half hour). Not a lot of games in my comp (only got 4) at this moment.. and not a lot of people playing games on my comp (so far only got shawn and jitsy. haha). If you're interested, please book the timing at least one day (24 hrs) in advance so that I'll know what to do while you have my laptop. lol.
The 4 licensed games in my comp (all gotten from bigfishgames.com are:
1)

Azada:Ancient Magic is a game whereby you solve things in storybooks. Usually the storybook character will require something, and you have to solve different things (mix and match items and find out how to use them) to complete that book. There're 20 storybooks to be completed in all. There's also a bigger overall plot, but not important la.
Currently, Azada:Ancient magic is being played by shawn..and there can only be one person playing at any one time, so if you're interested to play this game (I enjoyed it quite a lot personally), you'll have to book in advance. haha.
2)

Personally, I think this game gets boring after a while. Create Posted to simulation games. lol. It's #1 on the list of strategy games on bigfishgames.com though. I've yet to finish this game, but there can be 5 profiles. haha.

3)

This is a surprisingly enjoyable game. I like it 'cos of the locked doors.. then you have to figure out how to open the locks. I thought I didn't like finding objects, but quite okay. haha. I've finished the game. Quite interesting to see how to story flows ( a bit predictable, but well :).

4.

I like it so far. hahaa. It's not an extremely intellectual game.. and with regards to gameplay, i think azada is better. but it's been okay so far:) quite a funny game actually. hahaha.
Can have many profiles. i've not finished it. so yah, can't give a full review :)

Yup. that's all!

Let me show you an example of why people should sleep till late morning. haha.
Do you know that Descartes, the famous philospher who came up with the famous quote of 'I think, therefore I am' used to stay in bed (due to a supposedly fragile body) till noon :) he'll spend the time in bed contemplating and thinking about whatever problem he had on hand.. and what amazing things he's come up with! haha.
go read up on him. and connect them to biological facts that you know and you'll realize that despite the lack of advanced scientific instruments during his time, he came up with theories and physiological models which actually do describe accurately (though with wrong terms) how the body system works.
while reading up on what wikipedia talks about descartes, i've discovered that wikipedia may not be fully reliable. wikipedia claims that descartes didn't believe that animals had a pineal gland, but in actual fact, he did (Finger,2000 -->a journal). he just argued that the gland had a function in humans that would not be found in animals - the locus for mind-body interaction (Goodwin, 2005 --> my textbook). btw, his theory about the pineal gland is not correct. but other physiological models he proposed are. lol
interesting guy!
anyway, i was talking about how we should stay in bed till late. haha. not to slack, but if you're thinking, some time off in bed is good. lol. might not help if u have a lack of sleep though. haha.
and... surveys find that 10.04pm is the best time for creative juices to flow... which mean that.. maybe sleeping late at night has its advantages too. oh well :) haha.
but must still get fruitful and sufficient sleep :)

My last 3 assignments of the studying days in nus:
1) Personal reflection on loss and grief issues experienced by the family my group interviewed, alongside with written group project (30%)
2) History and systems of psychology test (20%)
3) Bilingualism term paper (40%)

Currently at hq. supposed to be doing work, but i don't know to start on which assignment first. Concurrently filling a resume for being an allied educator (counselling).
i feel sleepy. and non-directed. haha.
usually quite busy, so assignments tend to be a bit last minute (like 2-3 days beforehand). stress level builds up. cortisol levels increase.
and i get super productive.
too little stress, deadline not near... little cortisol --> no motivation to do work.
hahah
i'm so laidback!

want to share a verse that has encouraged me (and kept appearing in my mind) for the past weeks. pastor lawrence shared that verse today too (though he only shared one out of the 3).
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
i love it when i break out of narrow thoughts and see things in the light of eternity.

chi likes to whine. especially when we stop her from going somewhere. lol. or in the morning when she doesn't get food and i'm still asleep (usually ard 7+am), then she'll whine a lot. lol.
was personally very ministered by the wam cum team ministry night today :) there was a time of crazy games (led by dennis), then affirmation by some of the church staff, then they gave out long service (5,10 and 15!) awards to people who've served very long in their ministries. then we had praise and worship. haha. was observing the backup singers during praise (and praising God as well) so that i can learn from their expression and the way they complement the song :)
worship reminded us of the faithfulness of God. i think it really reminded a lot of us about the faithfulness of God.
Like the sun that rises every day
O Lord You are faithful, dear Lord You are faithful,
Like the rain that You bring and every breath that I breathe,
You are so faithful, Lord.

Like a rose that comes alive every spring
O, You are so faithful, dear Lord You are faithful,
Like the life that You give to every beat of my heart,
You are so faithful, O Lord.

I see a cross and the price You had to pay,
I see the blood that washed my sins away,

In the midst of the storm,
Through the wind and the waves,
You'll still be faithful,
O You'll still be faithful.

When the stars refuse to shine,
And time is no more,
You'll still be faithful,
You'll still be faithful O Lord.
it touched me a lot. the sister who was awarded the long service award (15 years - she was the only one who received it.. ) shared that one of the worship songs touched her a lot. the lyrics of 'i set my eyes on You Lord, i choose You everytime'
she shared the verse also.
"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." - Joshua 24:15
i think it particularly resonated in my heart 'cos it's something i really believe in. that we can choose our reactions to different things that happen along our way. and 'cos every time i serve in counter, it's a choice to serve ('cos my natural inclination towards counting money is to avoid it. singing is different though. i really enjoy singing:) sometimes i'll wonder why God has placed me to lead the counter ministry (tertiary) when i'm not particularly an advocate for it. haha.
and i think many people make the choice to love God despite circumstances and personality traits that work against them as well. very encouraging to see the perseverance of people.
i was telling michelle that in my heart i set a high standard. possibly 'cos of the background i came from, or the way i was taught from when i received Christ. but thenn again, the standard doesn't come from me. it comes from God. the perfect standard of God. and though we're far behind that standard, God moulds us, grow us, and we grow in the likeness of Him everytime we make the choice to allow Him to do his pruning work in us.
i think there was a period of time when i got influenced by the people around me and thought, actually it's quite okay to not to this, not to that, go here a bit late, go there another day. i started to have a 'everything is okay, God looks at the heart mentality' and started to excuse a lot of things people around me/i did. but in my heart, something felt odd. what i see does not resonate or connect with what the principles i understood in my heart (cognitive dissonance!) after a few months, i pondered, thought through, and realized that the principles were right, it's just that i could not give a formal title to it.
the need to not dilute the teachings of Christ.
not to say that we become pharisees. i believe that there must be a balance as well. but i think that time i diluted the teachings of Christ and lowered God's standard in the view of 'sheltering' the people around me. (which of course doesn't help in anyone's growth :D) lol.
wisdom ba. ah. need to perpectually grow in that.

Just read that harnesses are a better choice for cats instead.. 'cos they think collars choke them. ah well. lol.

chi is now fitted with a pink collar.
lol.
bought it from daiso :) along with a pink leash. wanted to bring her out for a walk, but she freaked out upon having the pink collar fitted around her. and started to run away with the leash :S
but now she seems okay with the collar. and i'm not going to try putting the leash around her for today either:S

lol.
i'm trying to upload all the photos in my phone so as to find the one i took of the red bomb i received this evening O.o
and realized that i can't find it.
blah.
quite surprised to receive the invitation 'cos i'm not very close to them. hahahaha. gabriel was my ministry leader for a while (when meiting --> shucks. forgot the name.. was the counter leader for a while..) when i was in year 1. i think. maybe 'cos i talked to him a few times on the bus? =) ('cos we lived 2 stops away from each other). sarah.. sarah i dun really know her. hahahaha. i know sarah 'cos of sharon. i know sharon 'cos of junting. i know junting 'cos she was my ex shepherd!
but feels quite blessed to be invited :) hehe.
air tickets are SO expensive O.o