It suddenly struck me today that I'm grieving. I've been grieving, and i'm still grieving. It didn't struck me as grief because I didn't experience the physical loss of anybody around me, and yet why certain things are happening within me (e.g. loss of appetite, lack of interest in super a lot of things, anger).
I guess it's an interesting realization. To know that it's affecting me more than I thought it did, and to know that I'm actually less immune to losses in relationships than I thought I was.
A lot of things made sense during yesterday's chat with Jan, as well as today's service. A lot of the fog was cleared away :) so that was good too.
Silly Chi likes to meow. Half the time I don't know what she wants. hahaa. A portion of the time I know what she wants, but am unable to supply it to her 'cos of lack of supply in the house =D haahhaa.

Chinese worship songs and english worship songs bring about a very different feel for me.. chinese to me feels more intimate and old-ish than english.. english brings with it a certain form of formality (though the language is evolving in my mind). hee.
Chinese worship songs help me to see the tender side of God. English worship songs help me to see the loving side of God. it's slightly different, though they can be singing about the same thing. lol.
Here's one:

And this is from the ever-so-famous youtube video.. media formed changed by yizhong=) lol. please visit the original youtube video here i love the piece =D

And the ending song which i like from K-On!=)

Went to Mind cafe with some of my colleagues today =) hee. 'cos they've never been there before! hahaha. Supposed to have 4 colleagues, but one couldn't make it in the end 'cos she was waiting for the repairmen to repair her house =) haha. poor thing.
so it was just me, daniel, luona and suriati =) but we have a special guest of honour! suriati brought her oldest son (who's in p3) :D haha.
quite enjoyable =) haha. maybe 'cos of the company. there're a few people in the class whom i really enjoy the presence of.. haha. all 3 of them belong to that category =D lol.
we played silly games. lol. i never got to play games like blokus, or citadels, or those strategy boardgames tt i like 'cos of the presence of zari (the son). hahaa. instead, we played some games and 2 hrs of singapore's version of monopoly. LOL.
oh well =)
but enjoyable nevertheless :D
went to watch 'Aliens vs predators' after tt (by myself. haha. it's good to have time alone. i like time alone =D), but it was kinda.. boring. lol. Oh. but the animation was very good.. they really paid a lot of attention to the various details..i remember being amazed at the reality of quite a few things (e.g. expression, hair, actions). the voiceovers were good too:D it's the plot la. as well as the speed of things. it's.. strange. lol.
I like B.O.B! =)

hee. I think I've done enough of slacking/reading books/watching dvds/buying items i need/cutting hair/thinking. My brain's giving me warning signs that I need to do work soon. HAHAHA.
anyway, I've finished Jodi Picoult's 'my sister's keeper' 2 days ago. hahaa. read for the 7-8 hrs straight. i've also finished the long overdue vcd Hana which was slow moving, but interesting.. 'cos it shows life with honesty. The movie's about decisions, about whether you stick to the conventional (in the movie it's the samurai way), or you choose another route, of which on the surface it seems like it's the conventional way, but actually you've chosen another way =)hee. I like it 'cos it reminds me that sometimes you don't have to break the conventional to still stick to what you believe in, but rather you swerve past it and do it in a better way. like sometimes in life, as a Christian, you have to make difficult decisions, in one sense, the world expects you to do one thing (so there's the pressure), but you, holding onto your values and beliefs, believe in doing another thing. And it sometimes seems that the only way is to break the conventional, to be totally radical, but actually there's another way of keeping the beliefs, values, showing that you're keeping them, and yet still soothe the expectations of others. it's about application of wisdom and tact =) hahaa. to me la.

Conflicts get me down quite a lot.. 'cos the church is like my second home. actually, my whole home is a little dysfunctional, so the church is where i learned most of what it means to love, be loved, and God is the father I've always wanted but never had, so are the brothers and sisters in church, the brothers i've always wanted, but never had, and the older sisters whom i've wanted, but never had.
guess i was a little tired of having to look after pple, instead of pple looking after me.
but the closest people hurt u the most.. so when there's conflict in church between me and another brother or sister, i'm quite affected by it. or when something happens to a close brother or sister in church, i'm quite affected by it too.
of course, there's always the easiest way of sweeping it under the cover and pretend it never happened =) but we all know tt doesn't solve the problem =)
it's still very tempting though.
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today we had trials, tests and temptations for unit! hahaa. the topic of the day was tt la.
today God spoke to me through the book i was reading at the hairdressers (it's a book on worship given to me by Michelle as a christmas present!=), and comforted me through the words of 'the source'. haha.
Joyce reminded us that when we go through trials, we seek for an explanation, a reason for why we go through trials, we seek to understand it.. but sometimes we'll never understand why. just like Paul had a thorn which he kept asking God to take away, and yet God didn't, but assured paul with his grace. There are trials with which we'll take some time to make sense of, or may never ever make sense of.. but the thing required of us is not to understand it (although it's good to understand why we're going through certain things), but rather, to know God through the trial, and allow God to bring us to our potential through the trial. (what i shared may not be an accurate representative of exactly what Joyce has shared, but similar ba).
it reminded me of a sister who's shared to me some stuff before. And I just hope that when the sister reads this, it'll bring another perspective to what she's going through. that God has placed this trial in your life, it's not an easy one.. but the way to have victory over it is not to give up in God and His promises. to Him, a thousand years is like a day.
i was really quite refreshed. His words didn't come in a big shout, didn't come in the midst of high praise and deep worship, didn't come when i'm on top of a spiritual mountain. yet His voice, which came at a time like this, sweetens my soul so much.

Hee. Taken at Stanley's condo's function room =) First row from left: "Rachel, Steven, Stanley, Majid, Dr Lui, Sathiya. Second row from left: "Daniel, Carolyn, Irene, Cady (who's getting married this year!), Habibah, Lynn, Raj (who so kindly got us the caterer), Mong, Kevin, Me, Bharathi, Samuel, Luona, Charlene, Suriati (who looks 27, but already has three children. lol) and Nigel (who looks young, but is actually married!). Not in picture: Hock Kheng (attending to one of his former students), Zarina (attending to her children in hospital).
lol.
Another photo :)

Dunno why we didn't bother to take away the chairs =)
I'm gonna miss them. hee.
It's been tough having to wake up early every morning.. and tough having to finish the assignments (and sleeping for 2-3 hrs a day), but it lightens my heart to see them every morning. and the class grew much closer along the way (i think module 2 on group guidance helped us a lot in breaking down barriers. hee).
And it's been good hearing from the rest of their experiences in school =) I know that it's going to be easy, 'cos the school system is not exactly the most pleasant of systems.. and i know that there's a lot of things to be done, but as what was said, knowing that we have 22 others who're of the same spirit and same situation as us.. it lends a great support to us =) and it's great to know that Dr Chong they all are protecting us for these few months when we're still on course.
got to know our individual supervisors yesterday =) mine's a lady who's been on the medical team to India, Sri Lanka and Indonesia after the tsunami in 2005 to do counselling work under International Christian Relief (ICR) In Action. hee. I googled her name. hahaha.

I thought that my sore throat was caused by the extended use of voice in the camp.
It turned out that I do have a sore throat. The pain was just previously masked by the ulcer in my tongue.
Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing - that I do indeed have a sore throat.
I've finished the book 'Marley and Me' =)
It's a good read. And relatively appealing to animal/dog lovers.
If you want to borrow it, just drop me an sms=)
Proceeding to read 'My sister's keeper' by Jodi Picoult. picked it up at KKH when I was there waiting for my scan results to be out. Picked it up 'cos numerous people have recommended it. hahaa.
ah well =)

Carrie Prejean on Fox News

Looking forward to camp tomorrow =D (though assignments are at the back of my mind. hahaa).
but yes. I will do my best for both sides.. hee.
Strangely enough, I'm looking forward to camp, not because of the activities, or because of the teachings (it's not going to be teaching intensive i heard, but more of workshops), but more 'cos of the excellent praise and worship! and the time to be with God's people=) hahaha.
can sense that the inaugural uni-ya camp is going to be quite different from the previous camps we have =) heee.
though i'm still VERY UNPREPARED (haven't pack bag, haven't set objectives, haven't even have any notion of camp), i'm quite looking forward to the things we're going to learn in camp (the workshops have very real and interesting topics=). and praise and worship practice today was excellent! hahaa.
so yes, looking forward to it =)

It's quite sad, and I hate to admit it, but my physical body is much weaker than expected.
lol.
It's reacting to the amount of stress I've been experiencing.
Emotional stressors and psychological stressors.
And now got physical symptoms to worry about.
Going for a medical checkup tmr morning =) Hope everything will be fine. hee.
Pray for me.
I've got a presentation on Thurs, and two assignments due next Monday, with a mini presentation on Wed. All unfinished =\
hahahaa.
ah well.

I'm quite tired :(
It's not easy to do heavy assignments while studying from 9am to 5pm everyday ('cos you're not awake from just 9am to 5pm. you're awake from 6.30am onwards and sleep at 2am). I dunno how Joyce manages to study her masters while working full time. It is very tiring.
Isabella dropped a bomb on the class yesterday.. asking if we'd mind having our lesson plans (the ones we're going to develop for the schools' social emotional learning programme) published. lol. so cool. but quite stressful. can you imagine? the materials you've developed copyrighted to your name and sent to different schools to use. And Isabella was also saying that assignment is one thing.. but if we want to publish it, we'll definitely need to edit it further.
but quite cool la. like I have something of my own published even before I start my practice =)
the course is going too fast! ahhhhhhhhh. lol.
one week of no lessons and one more week of lessons, then we're done :(

I like Isabella's lessons =) hers is on group guidance.. and she's provided us with LOTS of interesting ideas on different aspects of social emotional learning - which counsellors are in charge of conducting.
Social emotional learning comprises of self awareness, self management, social awareness, relationship management and effective problem solving. lol. that came from memory.
today we did a lot on self awareness and self disclosure. got to know a little more about my classmates =) can tell that some classmates are still sharing quite surfacely, but some are not =D hee.
realized also that parents' concern are really a lot on parenting and their children. a couple will usually want a child (not having a child really affects people - my deduction after hearing 3 pple share about their experiences), and parents will usually be concerned about their children, how they are, what they're doing, what they're learning about, what they know. it's interesting. lol.
so that's on the family side.
then there's the engaged couples (got 3 who're having the status of engaged-but-not-married status in my class too). Their concern are on what flat should I buy, how much, loans of flats. probably got stuff like who to stay with who also.. but recently the conversations have been revolving around the purchase of DBSS flats in bishan, toa payoh, simei and boon keng (and no, i've not checked out the news on this =\).
yea. but still got 3 singles in my class! hahaha.
so the stats are:
3 singles, (me included)
3 engaged-going-to-get-married
17 married (with and without children)
O.o

I'm going for the single-mindedness workshop in camp =) lol.
interestingly, we don't have any attached pple in class. hmmmmmmmm.

hee.
just did the career exploration thing on OSCAR. need to do it to see how it's like.. or else how to intro it while helping the students to explore their career options next time? lol
My interests profile are social, creative and enterprising. Which means:
Social - People with these interests enjoy helping, caring for and teaching and generally being of service to others.
Their motto could be: "Let me help make this world a better place for others!"
Their work could be in teaching and in helping professions or community services.
Creative - People with these interests enjoy the world of art, music or literature.
Their motto could be: "We all need far more colours and interests in our lives!."
Their work could be in art and design, advertising, entertainment, journalism, photography and hairstyling.
Enterprising - People with these interests enjoy activities which allow them to persuade, organise or influence others.
Their motto could be: "Most people value sensible advice and firm leadership!"
Their work could be in management, business, legal services, sales, public relations and marketing.

And my top 5 abilities are:
Investigative
Interpersonal
Sensitivity
Management
Language Usage

heehee. And ta-da:

List of occupations that match well with both your
Interests and Abilities.
Author
Executive, Health Promotion
Manager, Gallery / Museum

lol. I guess being a counsellor doesn't fit in totally. hahaha.
but being a counsellor fits into the list that was given for occupations that fit in with my abilities. haahhaa.
Except that 98 other jobs were also listed in the occupations that fit in with my abilities list.
hahahha.
but nevertheless, it's worth a look =) maybe i can be a manager of a museum when i retire. hahahaha.
and interestingly, my salary is higher than the expected starting salary for the role of a counsellor in the civil service sector for a person with honours. heehee. thank you God! hahahaha

=D hee.
sida introduced me to Pandemic 2.
and yay! i managed to conquer it. lol. but with explicit instructions from a comment on a site.