my tuition kid's mother called me just now on the bus. super funny. she called to thank me for helping the kid's grades improve. i'm like 'ehhh.....'
but quite interesting. first time some parent call me to thank me abt grades :)

I'm frustrated.
stupid chi won't let me put surgical tape on her. she keeps biting and biting and biting. even as i give her treats, try to assure her through fake purring... ahhhhh!
(2 mins) okay. frustration passed.
On the bus back i was just thinking about how human beings have the tendency to compare. i came from a family who loves to compare. (translated to english)"he scores better than you.." "how come you're so lazy, that blah blah blah blah is more hardworking than you" "see la, you gep come out got use or not? worse than people! that blah blah blah blah ..."
i think as a result, i used to compare too. "other people's parents can teach them.. but you can't!" "other people got cars to drive them to school, but i don't..." "other people got their own room.. but i don't have.."
comparisons :)
i think along the way i grew to hate comparisons. strongly. even vehemently. but sometimes i fall back into the trap of comaparing.
"how come she got this, and i don't have?" "why is it that other pple's family are so nice, but mine is so messed up."
along the way, God taught me contentment. that there's a reason why we're placed at where we are, that His presence is more than enough. that His love is more than enough. that His people is more than enough.
God taught me to be the one to change it, rather than being consumed by it. that i can make a change by not being reactive. that the circumstances cannot hold me back, 'cos i'm free in Christ. that even though outwardly we're wasting away, we're renewed day by day by Him (i love this verse. it encourages me a lot everytime i'm frustrated about things). that there's a greater destiny that awaits me than what i am experiencing here now on earth.
God taught me to judge my thoughts. we call it metacognition. thinking about thinking. taking captive of our thoughts. being careful with what we let into the garden of our thoughts. we harvest our thoughts. literally.
it's not that i don't fall into the trap anymore. i still do. sometimes. but then the Holy Spirit prompts. and after which, it's up to me if i want to obey or not.
i was thinking about the comparing thing when the shepherd and sheep system comes into mind.
i think in the past when i just got michelle as a shepherd, due to our many conflicts and thrashing out sessions (thank God for them.. 'cos now we're able to be close 'cos of the conflicts :) i treasure her a lot as a sister and a shepherd and a friend now), i used to compare in my heart. how come her shepherd is so nice to her, mine likes to correct me. how come i don't have this, i don't have that.
a heart that compares, with wrong attitudes only brings about contempt and taking people for granted. this applies to our own sheep too :) sometimes we may feel frustrated in taking care of them and potentially think to ourselves (why is my sheep like that, when her sheep is not like that.. how come my sheep always gives me problems, but her sheep don't..)
the grass is always greener on the other side.
i think if i really choose to, i can compare everything i want (with a wrong motive). can compare friends, compare families, compare achievements.
of course that's not to say we don't compare. a healthy comparison is good. but it's a fine line.
like what they always say. holy discontentment is good. but a blaming spirit is not. a put myself down spirit is not.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Gratefulness is the key to counter a comparing spirit. a thanksgiving heart. a thanksgiving spirit. a heart that reminds oneself of the character of God that's not changing.
suddenly have that realization. haha. that maybe we need to check our thanksgiving too :)
i love romans and philippians. i think it sets me on the right perspective when i'm not. i love psalms too. when i'm terribly frustrated, feels like throwing things around the room, feel like giving up and just run away (i like to take the path of least resistance sometimes), feels like departing from this world and joining Christ, psalms remind me of 2 things
1) God's always with me
2) David (in the bible) went through tougher things than i did. hahaa.
let's learn to be contented. and practice thanksgiving. be a non-conformist! give thanks! the rest of the world will only grumble!:)

looking at the data dr tan supplied, out of her own research on infants and toddlers. the data is super a lot. hahaha. and at first glance it looked slightly messy. but she's helped us to colour code it... so that helped!:)
but strange to work with someone's data.. then formulate a research qn and do testing on it.. more used to the normal progression of formulating own research question, do research and testing, then writing a paper on it.
hmmm.
have to get used to all the short forms used. ahhhhhhh. messy messy messy.
as i learn more about language, i tend to evaluate my own language background (i believe the people in my class do that too).. i'm exposed to chinese (and hokkien) since young (before 3) and was only exposed to english after the age of 3 ('cos no one in my family (including relatives) really do speak english. but God blesses me with the ability to pick up languages fast, alongside with the english dunno what lesson my mum sent me to in primary 2, it seems that my english and chinese were alright in primary school (though my receptive vocabulary can't really be compared others). i love to read, so i got most of my vocab from the books i read, but that doesn't mean i'll understand them. for example, i remember that at the age of 12, i still didn't know the meaning of the word 'define'. i thought it means something along the lines of 'very/extremely'. so when my friend said something on the phone, and i wanna agree and say it's very ... i will say 'define ...' of course that makes the person on the other end really confused. hahaha.
so it's quite an interesting time for me in primary school. my choice of music was (and still is) in the english genre, so was (and is) my reading material. but conversational wise, i spoke more in mandarin ('cos of story telling competitions and the family environment).
that changed in secondary school though. being in nygep, my friends mostly came from an english speaking family background (except for those who came in the second round of selection --> which kinda shows that the first round of selection is biased towards children who came from english speaking families... 'cos i remember i passed the maths at the p3 selection test, but failed my english). so i grew in my english vocab and understanding of english culture. hahaa. playing rpgs helped too. haha!
i think my command of the english language grew then.
and thought it may seem as though my command of the english language is of a level comparable to a native speaker's, i still feel uncomfortable sometimes in using english (especially when i was writing literature essays). hahhaa. and sometimes i realize that i may lapse back into chinese (just occasionally).
but i've also realized that there's been language attrition in chinese due to the lack of use to do formal writing and speaking. oh well. i can still understand chinese very well, and am still able to detect nuances, but am unable to write out quite a lot of words (but then again, my orthographic skills have not really been very developed) do not feel comfortable reading in mandarin anymore (which i was able to do so in secondary school).
so anyway, what i hope to say is that the environment plays an important role in your command of a language. if you wanna master english well, you've gotta make the deliberate effort to surround yourself with the language, read up on the culture and enjoy the process of making mistakes and learning (as what i did when i was in secondary school. lol)

lol.
just realized that the citrus scent is offensive to cats. haha. my new Air Wick is sparkling citrus! woohoo.
i'm quite tired. tired in a light way. sometimes we get tired and burdened. that's tired in a heavy way.
so i'm tired and not very burdened at this moment. that's the light way.
just now i was looking at the ceiling thinking to myself that i need to go bathe and i realized that the ceiling was kinda expanding and contracting, expanding and contracting. visual illusion due to fatigue.
anyway, i'm going to embark on my due 11am assignment (with a slight grumbly but with much gladness heart). lol.

ah.
just realized that i've a draft due for my bilingualism module.. tmr! 11am. 2-3 pages. whaha.
i totally didn't realize it :S oh well.
and i need to finish up presentation slides by tmr too.
and i've got my lang assignment due on thursday.
ah. well. never check things properly:S lol. don't learn from me.
anyway, brought chi to spay today :\
and came back home around 1+pm to find chi and see how she's like.
i think i got a shock when i saw her 'cos she's quite different from how i expected her to be.
i thought that she'll be sleeping after the operation.. but she was awake. and labouring to walk. so she kept falling off the bed :\ very drowsy. inner eyelids out, eyes with reddish rims. the back portion was draggish. looks. quite. worrying.


i really kinda regretted sending her to the vet to spay. 'cos at that moment she looked like she was going to die or something. lol. and she didn't want to eat. didn't really want to drink. kept trying to get onto the floor (of which i picked her up and put her on the floor instead) and trying to walk around (extremely slowly).
but she was better at night :) could walk. could run. haha. could jump onto my leg (though cannot reach, so i had to help her up and kena scratches in the process). she looked better. still groggy, a bit temperamental (she tried to bite stella. whahaha) but can walk le :)


Can see the black stitches? so ugly. lol.

fasting chi again.
she seems to be taking it better this time.
hope she'll be okay tmr :S

spent the night explaining what structuralism and functionalism is to this 20 year old girl whom i've not even met. Hanes' friend. haha.
i think it helped me to concretize what these two terms mean. haha. before that i was quite confused about the difference as well. now i'm not =] quite glad.
guess both of us learn by applying it to real life examples:)

First heard this on the Ravi recordings...

He giveth more grace as our burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength as our labors increase;
To added afflictions He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace.

When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father’s full giving is only begun.

Fear not that thy need shall exceed His provision,
Our God ever yearns His resources to share;
Lean hard on the arm everlasting, availing;
The Father both thee and thy load will upbear.

His love has no limits, His grace has no measure,
His power no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus
He giveth, and giveth, and giveth again.

By Annie J. Flint

This song has been ministering to me in the past week or so :) it's not the kind that will minister to a lot of people at one go, but it did for me. I don't even know how come i have that song O.o lol. much less how it appeared on my handphone.



"Assuredly Yours" - Paradise Live
All that I am is in You
All that I seek is to follow You
I run to Your side when You call
There is the hope I am longing for

Just to be by your side
There is hope in my life
There is no greater freedom I’ll find

So take my life
And all that I have to give
Take my world
Just inhabit all of it
Take my dreams
Make me assuredly Yours

bilingualism is a very encouraging module.
it's like the only module that i get 99/100 for an assignment and full marks for another.
i hope i get an A for this! (although i missed a few tutorials O.o)

It's official!
the vet says that chi is a female:) haha.
and she weighs 2.4 kg at this moment. temperature was at 29.4 (which was slightly on the high side). think she had fever a few days ago, but is now recovering ('cos she didn't have much appetite a few days ago).
yup.
so bringing her again next monday.
what a distressing day.

heh. chi's been trying to get me to feed her for the past few hours. first she suckles on my fingers, then she bites me, then she meows a lot, then she suckles my finger again. now she's resorted to hiding in the plastic bag and playing with my toes.
very distressing to make chi fast. no food and water.
i hope 10am comes soon:S

Found a Singapore based product sampling site! =D

The above is my referral link. hahaa. come sign up and give me points so that i can get more than 3 free samples. hahaha.

but come to think about it, i think i'll be more comfortable in taiwan than in thailand ('cos i dunno thai. hahaha). i always feel that chinese brings out a more tender side of God than english words do, hope to be able to experience more of this tender side and to share about this tender side to other people in chinese too :) and i'm glad that i can read fan2 ti3 zi4 'cos of calligraphy! hahaha.

I quite enjoyed the Galileo series=) hahaa. i like the way they explained the supernatural events using science. i went to check up on some of what they've mentioned in the show 'cos some seemed rather improbable, but apparently they do exist. the last 2 episodes are kinda lacking in coherence and connections though (not as much as the first 8 episodes ba.. so feels slightly disconnected).
sharing sessions are good :)
was so tired yesterday that i had to take a nap before i go and bathe 'cos i couldn't drag myself to the bathroom. when i finally could, my whole body and head was so groggy it felt as if the water droplets were part of a dream. ah well.
reading up on taiwan 'cos going there for stm (hopefully i can gather enough resources. hahahahahaha) and realized that 15% of the people speak hakka! i only know how to say 'i am half hakka and half hokkien' and the numbers in hakka. ah well :)
dunno where my chinese bible is though O.o
actually i don't really have a desire to go to taiwan. haha. i'm not interested in the culture. and i'm not interested in their variety shows. and i'm not interested in their farms. but see how ba. it might be a totally eye-opening experience :) looking forward to it! it's gonna be my grad trip too. wahha.

After the farewell for Jovin and belated celebration for muahchee, it was 12.45am. Having no more 139 and no nightriders at the bus stop i was (the parklane one), I decided to try taking 166, since it passes by locations near to toa payoh.
i was hoping for it to turn up and go to trellis towers, but it didn't, so i stopped at the police academy bus stop, along with a guy and a couple. and we walked up the expressway (there was a small walking lane beside it) and into the lorong 1 estate.
and having no other buses to go home, i decided to walk home (my house is in lorong 8). It took me around 45 minutes to get home from there. hehe. so i reached home at 1.45am ('cos the bus ride took around 15 mins).
yay.
calculating the time taken for this, in addition to the time taken to walk from bugis to somewhere near trellis towers, it should taken around 2 and a half hours if i were to walk home from town.
wah. so long.

Just replied to a post in the forum for history and systems of psychology. It's been going into philosophical realms these days, starting from john elliot's love of the evolutionary theory to thinking about functionalism. a thought experiment that was given was the questions of whether there will be any difference in behaviour or emotional states IF we change all the neurons in the brain to computer components (which are advanced enough to do exactly what neurons do (pass down signals). lol. of which you can see that
1) functionalists don't believe in the mind-body dualism, which probably means that they don't believe that there's a soul either.
2) all of us don't do our readings.
heh. oh well. i read up a little on mind-body dualism and functionalism on wikipedia, to get a more holistic field of what each proposes, and i was thinking to myself how these two actually start from different assumptions altogether.
anyway, i'm here to show off my collection of wedding cake photos (koped from online some time ago)






And ta-da. my favourite:

Sometimes i long to say that i'm still flesh and blood. and i'm still a female.
sometimes when i see leaders who are lonely, i long to say a hi, or involve the person in, but shyness creeps in (and of course, some people will think i'm joking when i say that line).
i think all i can say is that i'm still flesh and blood. and i'm still a female. i have my strengths and weaknesses. and i have my fears. i have my triumps and many failures. i need God too.
i feel quite distressed when people categorize me. or when people categorize people. but then again, according to social psychology, it makes for cognitive simplification (i can't remember the exact term) and it helps predict behaviour.

Was watching the women's talkshow on channel dunno what just now. they were talking about beauty and whether it's important for women to be beautiful by nature. Actually, coming from a personal and a psychological point of view, i think if you're born with external beauty, it does enable you to have much more advantages in the world than if you're not.
life's quite unfair ah?:)
I actually quite dislike people who keep harping on this topic =) i'm alright with people who have a healthy appreciation of the beauty that God has created and placed around us and comments on that (e.g. commenting (purely commenting) that some people are quite pretty blah blah.. some are not as good looking) but if that person keeps on criticizing another person based on the outward appearance and judging (e.g. i think she's ugly), i'll be quite pissed off with that person.
possibly 'cos i know people who can be quite pretty and seemingly nice on the outside but damn awful (i apologize for any stumbling due to use of words) and bitchy (meaning spiteful and malicious) on the inside (and you can't do anything about it 'cos people who've only encountered the person once or twice thinks she's nice). possibly also 'cos i've seen how girls got affected by the comments of some thoughtless people (usually guys. sorry to guys who don't do that) out there. possibly 'cos i studied about eating disorders and how image can affect a girl's self esteem very much.
sometimes when i hear comments putting a girl/sister down, i have a strong desire (due to my sinful nature) to retort back with a comment asking the person to take a look in the mirror as well :P of course, a nicer way of putting it will be to ask the person to think about it in the shoes of the person :) or to put themselves in a scenario when the person being criticized is someone the person loves :)
of course, i've also seen how certain people use their beauty to manipulate the people (especially guys' feelings) and i think it's awful as well. sigh.
actually, i don't think i've seen any sisters who're not beautiful (the general beauty including demeanor, outward and inward beauty), just that their hidden potential have not been discovered yet:) like what robert said (and what huang su fang said), it's just that sometimes the guys don't know how to appreciate. the question lies in whether a person can glimpse at the hidden potential within that person, craft it and help to bring it out.
kind of like shepherding ah?:)

while watching yakitate japan, i learned that there's such a thing as the bombay blood type! wah. it's very rare, occurring in 1 person out of 250,000 and was first discovered in bombay. it's tested as an O in normal blood tests though:) so intriguing!

Recently got a lot of flaming arrows from unexpected sources.
don't know why i seem to meet with parents who like to talk to me when their children are away, like trying to threaten me while their children are not away 'cos they don't want their children to know. 'cos once their children know, the children will be quite angry at the parents. so sneaky. if they want to talk, guang1 ming1 zheng4 da4 de talk la, so sneaky for what? O.o
and as if i'll be threatened by people just 'cos they're older than me. to me, the philosophy of 'older does not mean you're mot mature' stands. so unless the person proves his/her maturity, the words will be severely evaluated and critically analyzed. in other words, it means 'too bad. authority doesn't scare me.' and if the adult who's older than me proves to be very immature, then well, too bad too.
slightly annoyed at the weird behaviour of adults(especially parents) these days.

Desert Song - Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS
I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I’ll stand

BRIDGE

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

VERSE 4
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I’m filled to be emptied again
The seed I’ve received I will sow.

I finished Azada: Ancient Magic today:) Out of all the games I've played from bigfishgames.com, this game has captivated me 'cos the idea was quite fresh (solving mysteries in storybooks) and 'cos it has nice music and graphics :) yup.
but i do agree with the reviews.. not much replay value. haha. and some parts are horrendously frustrating 'cos there seemed to be no way out of it. ah well.

I woke up this morning with an idea for a script in mind. it's about unrequited love. think got influenced by last night's 'painted skin' (watched with serene, rachel, weiling, jesse, florence and ellson), which was a good movie (i find). haha. nevermind the horrible reviews some people have of it (which never reached my ears), nevermind not knowing what the movie is about (neither did i, and we missed the first 15 mins of the show!), nevermind that you don't like action or romance movies (it's kinda like a marriage of genres).. go watch it if you like chinese more ancient kind of films. yup.
i cried (quite a lot. but then again, i cried at every of the 3 episodes i've watched of stairway to heaven, so in this area, i'm not a reliable gauge as to how touching/not touching the movie is):P so did someone else who said she's too paiseh to say tt she cried. nobody else did though. haha. oh well :)
Actually, while thinking of unrequited love, i can't help thinking about the unrequited love around us. how he poured out so much of his love, yet the one he pursues doesn't always respond, and how though he loves the person 100% all the time, the person doesn't respond. the length and depth of this unrequited love cause me to be much saddened.

Dr John Elliot and this guy in class is debating about some law of goodness knows what.. they started out with talking about whether there is an ultimate law to explain for psychology - the relationship between the brain and behaviour.. i lost them somewhere around. don't know what they're talking about now.
Oh good. now we're talking about something i understand...
about whether we're focused too much on the right thing - e.g. the small scale theories and we miss out on understanding on people as people..

hehe. chi is sleeping under the bed :)
do you know that the prognosis of stopping dialysis is terrible? you live on an average of 8 days more :)
learned today in class that there's such a thing as drafting your 5 wishes (even for us.. so that in the event that something terrible does happen to us, people will know what we want...). it's kinda interesting:)
the 5 wishes are:
1) The person you want to make care decisions for you in the event that you can't (e.g. coma)
2) The kind of medical treatment you want
3) how comfortable i want to be (e.g. favourite music to be played until i die, religious readings by the bedside, massaged with warm oils..) --> linus said he wanna kill a person:S
4) how i want people to treat me (e.g lots of visitors? no visitors?)
5) any other wish (e.g. wanna tell whoever whoever you love them...)

yup. interesting ah?
finished a bilingualism presentation today! =)
i was actually saving tonight to watch movies and anime! but got tuition tmr morning. and my head hurts (probably from getting woken up by chi too early in the morning and subsequently having a full day). lol