:)

tanzania.
team members.
global conference.
missions.
sharings.
blessing.
being blessed.
own irritations.
flooding.
crashing services.
and more services.
feeling stretched.
dual function.
peaceful roommates.
spiritual revival.
direction.

Wanqi - "cos nobody bring me to play ma!" towards late knowledge of starcraft 2.

i think in a sense, i do believe that exposure is the first step to interest/disinterest.

4 times and counting :(
very uncomfortable during the process, but i feel so much better after each time i vomit. hahaa.
like there'd be a lull period after tt, then the feeling of nausea builds up again.
i realized tt i'm quite procrastinatory during the time i'm sick.
maybe my body's telling me i shld be resting!

Have been feeling cold these days. Not all the time, but more of at night. Have woken up on 2 nights shivering like mad.
And I feel cold in the office today! Though there's no aircon, and the fan behind me is off. And I'm wearing a cardigan. haha.
my hands are nicely warm though.
hearing a mum scolding her child at this moment. speaking about trust.
i think trust is like a sandcastle. hard to build up, and needs lot of securing. but easy to break down, e.g. kicking the sandcastle down. if trust is left in the same position for long, the sun will bake it and harden it :)

sleepy.

梦一场 - Olivia Ong version

我们都曾经寂寞而给对方承诺
我们都因为折磨而厌倦了生活
只是这样的日子
同样的方式
还要多久
我们改变了态度而接纳了对方
我们委屈了自己成全谁的梦想
只是这样的日子
还剩下多少
已不重要
时常想起过去的温存
它让我在夜里不会冷
你说一个人的美丽是认真
两个人能在一起是缘份
早知道是这样
像梦一场
我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方
我能原谅
你的荒唐
荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘
早知道是这样
如梦一场
我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶
让你去疯
让你去狂
让你在没有我的地方坚强
时常想起过去的温存
它让我在夜里不会冷
你说一个人的美丽是认真
两个人能在一起是缘份
早知道是这样
像梦一场
我才不会把爱都放在同一个地方
我能原谅
你的荒唐
荒唐的是我没有办法遗忘
早知道是这样
如梦一场
我又何必把泪都锁在自己的眼眶
让你去疯
让你去狂
让你在没有我的地方坚强
让我在没有你的地方疗伤

This is interesting.

10 yrs ago i was doing the same thing!
10 yrs later and i'm still doing the same thing!
and at the end of the day i'd prob hurt me again.

sigh.

on a random note, my mind has been haunted by tiltshift photography and videos. haha. i love how things look in these kind of photos. and i remember being quite tickled when i saw it in the starting of a movie. can't quite remember which movie though. little fockers?
so every time i see photos and see a tilt-sbift effect, i get quite happy.

I tried tempura ice cream yesterday. haha. Photo was koped from online and not taken by me.. but it's this tempura ice cream. hahaa.
it's very big! hahaa. and very filling!
and i had tt after eating the mini donburi set during tea time (only $5 for a mini bowl of udon and an unagi + tamago donburi. hehe. ya. my eyes were only focused on the unagi. LOL). think the donburi set is more worth it. hahaa. then the tempura ice cream. haha.
i find it amusing how people can concoct ideas like tempura ice cream. hahaha. i wonder who actually thought about it :)

"....arrange to pay all Chinese Officers the salary for the full month of Feb 2011 on 29 Jan 2011 (Sat). "

wow. haha.

I guess in a way, I'm not able to operate often in a non-existential frame of mind.
Life, death, pain, the state of being alone in the world as a human being.. these are things which are constantly manifesting in my mind. i question them, and live life through the conclusions of these questions.

my mind does not wish to let up on the existential questions in life. i am not satisfied with things that seemingly bring about happiness, but do not provide satisfaction in the long run.
the temporal irks me. and yet, i am familiar with the temporal and how things constantly change and are in flux.

but i guess constantly talking about this and thinking about this tires me out as well :)
and now i just have a craving to eat very good food. haha.

i saw this on my friend's facebook status. haha:

Woman wants monogamy; Man delights in novelty; ♥ is woman's moon & sun; Man has other forms of fun; With this the gist & sum of it; What earthly good can come of it?
------------------------

only 2 weeks. and it's back.

realized that i don't like to be pressurized.
or rather, i have an extremely quick reaction to being pressurized.
hahaa
like easily pressed down if i'm pressurized. not much resistance. so my threshold to stress is very low.
haha.
cos i'd already pressurize myself. hahaa.
i'm kept in a constant state of equilibrium, like not too free (or else i'd get bored and tired easily), or not too stressed (then i'd stop work. haha)

deborah only took up the lead cos there were no men willing to lead.

my baptism name was actually not chosen by me. haha.
jieyun (this sister who used to help take care of the pretertiary group) was the one who suggested this name for me. i read about her character in the bible, and i liked it. hahaa. 'cos she was a prophetess, i valued the gift of prophecy as well.
and also cos deborah means a busy bee, and i wanted to grow to be more diligent :)

Saturday's praise song is stuck in my mind at this moment.
feeling sleepy on this monday morning.

~we stand and lift up our hands
for the joy of the Lord is our strength
we bow down
and worship Him now
how great, how awesome is He
and together we sing,
everyone sing,

Holy is the Lord God Almighty,
the earth is filled with His glory
Holy is the Lord God Almighty
the earth is filled with His glory
the earth is filled with His glory~

Gosick is out! :D
watched first episode. haha.
it's so-so so far.
hahaa.
they try to make it humourous with random characters.. but somehow the humour is slightly lost on me.
am watching for the mystery. haha

I was just thinking...
that maybe my ideal idea of how i wanna spend my time is that i wanna be able to be available to people who need someone to sit with them and see them cry.
or be there with them when they need someone, but no one's available as of yet.
like create a place of refuge for people.
and maybe not ministering, like helping them make sense at that moment, but to be there to offer a presence when they're experiencing raw emotions.
and give them a hug, sit with them. let them stay over at my house. help them find something else to distract them.
and after one month/two months, let them come find me again to talk abt it again.
and subsequently after 6 months
and a year.
for grief does not complete its cycle in a few days, but goes on for a long time yet.
as i'm typing this i'm trying to figure out if i'd get tired of doing that. hahaha.
i want to gather stories of people who've gone through painful things, but have managed to heal from them.
i want people in the world to know that there is a place of refuge.
and that there is also a greater place of refuge in God. but i want to be that physical manifestation of the place of refuge first.

the problem is..
how do i earn money from this?
LOL

maybe i'd need to pray for a large sum of inheritance to be given to me from some distant relative who passed away and left me a fortune, enough to support me for the rest of my life :P

the practicalities of life. haha.

i also know i have a strong interest in watching things. like movies, animations. moving images with sound and story. plays. musicals.
maybe i'm primarily interested in stories.
the telling of stories and the retelling of stories.

Firework - Katy Perry (Boyce Avenue cover feat. David Choi on strings) o...

i like! :)

today as I was walking to the MRT, I suddenly thought of the different languages and my life.
it's like i'm so used to reading and typing in english that i can't really read (typing and writing is still fine) in chinese anymore (the words don't seem to be able to go in. hahaha).
yet... i have a slight difficulty in speaking in english when i'm tired. hahaa. in addition, english is linked to the more volatile side of me. chinese brings out the more tender side.
ah well. hahaa.
it's prob the texture of the languages in my mind. like how chinese is more delicate to me. chinese worship songs always reminds me about the majesty of God. english worship songs remind me of the the closeness of God.

hahaha. my new SD HoD is an interesting female. hahaa.
i like her! :D she's nice. hahaa. and younger. hahaha.

It's quite interesting to find out that different people have different agenda on their minds. Even in terms of deployment.
like maybe an ant wants to help out in a certain place cos he wants to help out. and then the head of the place don't really need him to help out. and you have other ants in the place who wonder why is he coming to help out. one thinks it's good that he's coming to help out, the other feels threatened. pretty interesting.

have two things to type out by tmr night, and i've not done up one. hahaa.
i realized my humour level drops when i have things to type. hahaa.
chi's sleeping beside my lappie.
i hve no idea why she like to sleep beside my lappie. hahaa. and she likes to put her head at where the vent is! it's so warm O_o
i also realize tt i churn out a whole bunch of other nonsensical stuff when i have more things to do.
it's a sudden influx of things to do! the combination of preparation for camp (welfare and tanzania) and influx of work.

梁靜茹 - 別再為他流淚mv

i think the concept for the video is very nice.
wondering if i can do something like that in the future, maybe after i get married, or if i don't get married, as something i can do in my life to be there for people who just broke up.
like a refuge for the hearts.

i think i'm motivated by fun work.
like the time when everyone gathered together and do planning and roughing out for the previous yg conference...
or like the time when we had school welfare meeting.
i'm actually missing the welfare meeting. haha

Quite nice to see the students back in school. haha.
the 1T1 students like to pop in and say hi, and I'm really glad to be able to see students who have not been coming to school appear in school again.

exhausted. haha.
am feeling the accumulation of screwing up my sleeping schedule.
it feels as though it's already 3am, rather than it beign 11.59pm. hahaa

it's 4.47am.
haha.
i should be sleeping, but instead i'm thinking about the caregroup. haha.
okay. go sleep.

watched 'The Tourist' today with an odd mix of people. hahaa.
dun quite understand why it's labelled as a thriller.
it should be re-labelled as romance/thriller/comedy, and that would possibly get the ratings up :D
hahaha
quite like the plot though
and
i think i still love italy. hahaa.
they used venice.
and hearing italian just made me miss the whole country.

I've bought 16 games from bigfishgames.com. hahaa.
and i see two games which i have absolutely no recollection of buying O_O
just bought Drawn: Dark Flight with my existing tokens.
looking forward to playing it :D
can read review of game here and here. or just type Drawn: Dark Flight on google. heh.
it's a bigfishgames exclusive, which is why i decided to get it. hahaha.
realized that nowadays when i'm watching anime or when i'm playing games, the art style matters to me. hahaha. as in, it has to be visually pleasing to me. prob cos the games in iphone are generally visually pleasing. hahahaa.
and i'm getting picky with the bands i hear on tv. for eg. the band that played last on tonight's countdown show is awful :X
heh :)
i find it interesting how God created me to like games and anime, and yet i'm a female. hahaaa.
like i'm not a person who keeps herself in touch with gossip in the entertainment scene, or with how cute certain taiwan or korean guys are (not really interested in them myself, though amusing to listen to pple talk abt them. hahahaa), or about general fashion (though it's not tt hard to follow them once you subscribe to magazines, or to online blogshops. i always feel tt fashion is a matter of money and information, and a matter of whether you're daring enough to wear what's in fashion. so called. like how previously it was maxi dresses and skirts.. and winter was about knee high boots :P and now everyone's going into toga dresses and tops, cos u see these popping up in blogshops. hahaha), though i think nice clothes are nice. haha. visually pleasing i guess.
but i guess the games that appeal to me are much different from the ones that appeal to guys? haha. not sure. maybe not enough exposure too :) since it's hard to find females who really like to play games and play them regularly as well.