if i should wake up at 7am, i should probably sleep now.
hahahaa.
i was thinking, when i was bathing, that jealousy is probably caused by a lack of love and competitiveness. 'cos if i really love the people, then i would be glad for them (and i know this for sure 'cos there are people whom i genuinely and really feel glad for when things happen for them, or to them, or they did something. i'm overjoyed, in fact, to know that they're doing well:D).
so it's a lack of love.
competitiveness is also something which i prob will need to address.
the world is competitive by nature, and competitiveness has kinda got ingrained in me since young (that's what happens when u tell a kid from 6 yrs old that she has to top the class, and then u reward her for topping the class -.-) i think my parents meant well.. as in they want me to succeed, but i guess it's not very good for me :D or maybe competitiveness as a trait might not necessarily be bad, but when applied in the wrong context, it becomes bad.
heh.
why am i typing these things out?
partly 'cos i want to impart the need and desire to continue questioning your thoughts and your actions and reflecting through them. hahaha. occupational hazard.
partly also to list out things to watch out?:) hahaa.
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submitted it to God with fear and trembling.
i'm not there yet.
but help me God.
grow me.
mould me.
change me.
woo me, and let me yield to You God.
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i realized that ever since i started working, i've been having a more negative view towards life in general.
whatever happened to my idealistic and optimistic self?
hahahaa.
i shall find it back!
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God is good :)
last year, 'Stronger' was a song that helped remind me that when i'm at my weakest, God is strong. that when i feel crushed by circumstances, God is stronger and bigger than it all. when i'm struck by my thoughts, He who is stronger can carry me through.
it was a song that reminded me to take heart, to have faith, to bite down and go on.
today, when we sang the song, it was not only a reminder of God's characteristic, but in me wells up a great sense of gratefulness. i felt so touched.
today, when i sang it, it reminded me that the God who is stronger has faithfully carried me through.
thank You very much.
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on a side note, i'm still wondering if i shld carry out the polyphasic sleeping thing. hee