I think the past 2 months and 20 days of my life have not been easy. hahaa. i feel as if i've been tested more than ever in these past months. lol.
but think this phase has just ended (and going on to the next phase=D).. so taking the time to type out some stuff =] hahaa.
I pray that whatever is typed will encourage and will empower as well :)
okay. it sounds like i'm going to type very chim stuff. LOL. i'm going to type random thoughts.
I learned these few months that prayer really works. that faithful prayer works. and i really thank God that He's restoring the people I've been praying for, and working in their hearts. Think when I hear of the restoration, I can't help but give thanks, and can't help but be touched at God's hand working in their lives. That though it may be painful for them at that moment, but as God helps them to make sense about it and they share about it, I can't helped but be amazed at how God uses their testimony to encourage me much as well.
I started to know the limit of how much I can bear. Think in the past, I've been tested, but the intensity is different.. think this time, sometimes it felt as if it's just one emotionally battered day after another. Like can have a lot of weird things which are (as David puts it) not healthy for the soul happening all in one day.. then got more weird things happening in the next day.. and time with God becomes so crucial and so precious because you just can't that time to another day. that if you just leave it there for one day and not bother about it, the heart is much wounded, and bleeding becomes hard to stop.
I've also experienced the comfort and love from God in a greater measure through these few months. The God of comfort is indeed the God of comfort.
A few verses that have been popping up (like God will speak these verses to me during my times with Him, then they'll pop up again either in service, or unit..) and have given me great comfort through the months. I've typed some of them in the past entries, but share a few more here.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18
" Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Psalm 130 - Psalm 131
" Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
If you, O Lord, keep a record of sins,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
therefore you are feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love,
and with him is full redemption,
He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.

(Psalm 131)
My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore."

There were times when I felt like sleeping, or not caring, or running away, or hiding somewhere, or pretending it's not there (not thinking about it).
But think God always reminds me that running away from it will not solve the problem. hahahaa.
and I'm reminded of the song 'God will make a way, when there seems to be no way'.
The lyrics of The Valley Song encouraged me a lot as well. Especially these four lines:
And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

You have calmed greater waters, higher mountains have come down
It reminded me that what I'm experiencing is real, but temporary. It reminded me that greater deliverances have been given by God. It reminded me of the size of my God when the size of my faith is not that great. It reminded me that there're a lot of people who experience more things than me.

I'm thankful for the people He's sent into my life as well :) For the 2 people who spoke to me when I had no idea who to speak to (due to the need to protect), for the opportunity to know some of the sisters much much deeper, for how things turn out to be in other areas of my life.

So I'm quite glad to have the chance to go through this period of time =) That I have the opportunity to be tested and questioned about fundamentals, that I have the opportunity to stumble and be picked up again, that I have the opportunity to learn so much, that I have the opportunity to share.

ah.