-with my eyes i long to see Your smile
with my ear i long to hear Your voice
with all my heart i long to feel You
with all my soul i long to seek You

please let me find the way to Your dwelling place
i long to hide in the shadow of Your wings
to find my rest as i dwell in Your peace
to live forever in the beauty of Your grace

draw me close to You, close by Your side
i want to hold You tight, close to my mind
come take me to the place where You cld be found
i want to praise You Lord
all of my life
i want to let You know from the depth of my heart
You'll be forever Lord
the love of my life-

5.07am on a saturday morning. tomorrow will be chinese new year. and tonight is chinese new year's eve.
went for service yesterday night... jasmine was teaching about 'a new you for a new year'... doing stockchecking upon ourselves to see which areas we can grow in.
i think something that spoke quite personally to me is in the area of my family... that i'm not very close to my family. we have superficial talk like 'have you eaten?' and 'what time will you be home?' and no one, i mean no one in my family actually hugs each other. or affirms through touch. but i want to go beyond this superficiality. i want to learn to love these people who have been with me for all these yrs. though sometimes they hurt me, or i hurt them.
ha ha. it's even harder when you're a christian and the whole family is not and sometimes misunderstandings occur.
you know, a person can only love others to the extent to which the person has been loved. and i want to go beyond my pride (and a trust in God opening chances for me) to learn more about my family members and to love them more. i started with a small step of going to the market to help out at 11++pm after service. managed to help in translating to this lady who didn't understand chinese at all. yay. then talked to my mum a bit when we walked home.
she wants me to find a bf again =.=
but it was good.
i have this deep yearning to really want to know the people around me. not know in the superficial sense... but a deeper understanding about my friends..that i'll be able to appreciate them for both their strengths and their weaknesses. to know them as a whole. to love them even after knowing them as a whole.

Dear God,
I was reading a couple of letters which some children wrote to you. I thought they looked at things at quite an interesting way. i would like to see things the way they do too.
love,
me

---
Dear God,
i would like my house in heaven to be a swimming pool with a waterfall at the end. there'll be taps flowing with soup ('cos i love soup) and lots of story books for me to read. there'll be a lounge chair made of super comfy material for me to read these books above the pool. it'll be good if there's a machine which will give me anything i want. most likely there'll be angels serving us so i don't have to worry about my food. oh yah God.. if Claire or Robert desires to cook in heaven, pls pass the food to me. thanks.

---
Dear God,
i acknowledge that sometimes i get terribly disappointed with the people around me...especially since i have a high expectation of myself and the people around me. but i also acknowledge that i have a covenant with my beloved brothers and sisters to help each other to grow (either me or them) and to give them my support and grace to the extent that i have experienced from you. these people whom i know will definitely die for me if the need arises and vice versa, and i thank You for them:)

love,
me

---
Dear God,
You're perfect. I'm not.
I'm so glad that You are God and i am not. 'cos if i am God, the world will be quite disoriented.

love,
me

---
Dear God,
i am tired and i'm going to sleep. Thanks for listening. good night:)

love,
me
---

ah. i haven't updated my blog in 2 months. hahaa. weezi, fungi, tracy and goodness knows who else actually visits my blog...apologies for slacking in the updating of my life:) hehehe.
it's the first post in 2006, and 2006 to me came as a relief. the 2nd sem in nus, the start of a new year to reflect upon what has happened in 2005. the things learnt, the thought processes changed. 2005 to me was a tough year. it was tough emotionally and spiritually. had to deal with lots of different thought patterns i tend to have, have to really change many different aspects of my life. it was a year of moulding, of trying new things and of a deeper level of faith in God. a year of many changes (sudden ones. hahaa) and of breaking my pride.
it's a year of great learning as well. and more serious reflection upon my actions. and the reconsiliation of different aspects in my life. it's the year i learn to be more organised, more planned (lol) and a little bit more disciplined in doing things.
cutting it short. it was the first yr of make or break in my spiritual life..and i'm glad that He has brought me through. and healed any wounds that i might have incurred along the way.
hahaa.
anyway. 2006 is here. lol. and i'm really looking forward to the stuff that might come my way:) 4 areas of my life to juggle. lalala:)

nygep pple:
i'm really glad we stayed in touch all these yrs. LOL. though now the outings seem to be lesser.. i know that friends remain as friends as long as the love remains. lol. u all remain nonsensical as always..hope that we can have a major gathering in june when all of u come back from wherever u all are (US and UK and Australia) x)

vjcians:
lol. u noe who u are. i'm lazy to type it out. really glad that i've got the chance to meet up with u all today:) hahaa. looking forward to the next outing. schools and a continent can't seperate us!

wellus. i'm typing real fast now. lol. and without much sense. school tomorrow:) looking forward to lectures with the pple i noe. woohoo. hahaha. and looking forward to seeing the hope brothers and sisters at hq:)