I realized that I've kinda neglected my blog for some time.. haha. guess it's been more convenient to actually write things out in the physical format of a diary and living life in real life, rather than typing out my thoughts online :)
could also be cos i've been busy with work and had lesser time to actually update things online. i realized that i've actually come to treasure down-time (times when i don't have to think so much) cos of the fact that i have to continually think and type reports for a period of time. it's as if my brain has decided to burn itself out and is going through a rebellion and refuses to do anything interesting for the rest of the time. hahaa.
i really hope i don't become so dull that i'm not creative anymore.
wanna thank God for how He's been leading me in these few months. also wanna thank God for the people whom He's sent into my life as well :) really treasure these people and feel blessed by having them in my life. like sometimes you wonder, what exactly is it that I did that allowed me to actually have these people blessing my life? :\ like i'm not even a very good friend, yet I have these people in my life. i guess it does urge me to become a better friend. i feel thankful :)

suddenly, I don't quite understand what's going on anymore :|

I'm really tired of working for the sake of working/ for earning money.
I think earning money is important, but I've kinda lost track of the passion behind why I wanted to do what I'm doing in the first place. Gotten a little burnt out and a little jaded. Until it came to a point when my hours are evaluated with regards to the amount of salary I earn.
I feel like my passion had been eroded through the years, that I no longer study/learn because I really want to. I'm not working because I enjoy it (even with all the nonsense paperwork that has to be done). haha. I used to be like this. When I was volunteering/working as a research assistant, I was like 'I will do this cos I enjoy it'.
I worked as an admin assistant for 3 months (totally forgot abt this) typing lists of APA references for the language therapist masters programme in NUS. I don't remember doing it with the amount of dread that I face doing case recordings at the current moment.
passion and interest can buffer a lot of things.
Am re-evaluating what I can do through what God has placed in me that I'm excited about.
Re-evaluating what I should be doing and where I should go :)

polyphasic sleep doesn't work for me :) hahaha.
i crash the next day whenever i try it.
ah well. shall stick to faithful sleeping patterns till i have more time!

I've been wanting to try this out. haha.
am gonna start to reduce my sleeping hours, and converting to a polyphasic sleep. my aim is probably a core sleep of 3 and a half hours, with naps through the day (which is rather possible since i nap when i'm on the bus).
i'm just concerned that it'll affect my alertness and mental speed in solving questions. haha. and i'm slightly reluctant to go through a period of mental fuzziness (according to research, most people go through a period of 2 weeks of adjustment where they experience fatigue and the desire to go back to sleep. after the two weeks, the body adjusts and is able to be of the same state as how it was like before).
i'll be sleeping for quite a long time 7 and a half hours a day for around 3 days, before cutting down the hours to 6 and a half hours. haven't planned out the rest of the nights, but i guess i'll type out how the experience goes along the way :) yay!

today i went to Gotoh sensei's class instead of my normal sensei. it was my first time with this sensei and i didn't know what to expect. hahaa.
at first glance, she didn't look as well-dressed as how japanese senseis would be dressed. in fact, she looked a little out of sorts. hahaa. and her style was rather different from kakihara sensei's.. so it felt slightly off. hahaa.
but through the lesson, i started to understand why her students kept coming back to her class. haha. she's rather quirky! and to be honest, she reminds me of me! hahaa. i really like her energy and her sharing and her making fun of the students in the class and being blunt about things in her life. haha. i really liked her way of talking too (it was japanese! with all its super shortcuts and stuff, and she didn't bother to check if we really understood... though she would add on if she realized we didn't. haha) class was great fun today.. haha. i like kakihara sensei a lot too! but both of them have different styles :)
so fun. hahaha

I've decided to note down my sleeping patterns, in the hope that I can transit to a polyphasic sleeping pattern in the future :) I figured it would be easier for me since my work schedule is rather irregular. Haha. Another reason why I'm doing this is cos I realized that I tend to have a natural inclination towards doing my chores at night (like my body feels motivated to want to clear up my room before I sleep), and that's something that I totally am not motivated to do in the day at all.
Shall see how it goes :)