Feeling a little lethargic at this moment.
not physically tired, but rather a lack of drive.
not enough stress?
hohoho.
maybe it's lethargy from 2 consecutive nights of intense sharing. hahahaa.

anyway
im view of public service week, we did a discussion on three questions. one of which touches on how we can better ourselves and provide better service. lol.
my team (which somehow got reduced to only my other ftsc and me), mentioned 5 things:
1) To listen with an open mind
2) To be willing to admit mistakes and to re-learn (embracing change as a constant)
3) To be willing go the extra mile, even after office hours
4) To do professional upgrading (in terms of skills and knowledge)
5) To remind ourselves of the reason for service in the first place, for that would be our motivating factor

The things in italics are given by me. The rest are by the other ftsc :)

Funnily, my vp said that that sounded like what our Director General of Education said in her speech. hahaa.
And interestingly, he continued on to say that it's also very important to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of more people. hahaha. Thank God for him :)

one month from now :\

Koped this from Chrystal in facebook:
A hug can turn your day around, it’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you, and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety comes shooting out of your mouth, and you can breathe again.
--------------

Had a longggggg chat with my papa yesterday. haha.
was good :)
thank God for you brother!

and with that, i surrendered to Him this area of my life.
not out of hurt.
not out of bitterness.
not out of longing.
just a desire for a quiet trust. for love. for growth.

make up is an art.
look at how many steps (and number of products --> as well as amount of money to be spent) the girl uses to create a natural look.
:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo4Ws6bQO8g&NR=1&feature=fvwp

Psalm 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

And for today, I could identify with the whole Psalm at one setting.

Apologies. the following pictures are going to be quite random. They're just things I find noteworthy or interesting. hahaha :)

Mango tree which is heavily laden with fruits! hahaha. at my flat! it's a good form of being burdened! :D being burdened with ripening fruits! i want that for my life as well =D both in work and in ministry :D
Finally got the chance to try the Yong Tau Fu stall beside Ben Zhen Wanton noodles at cuppage :D hahaa. felt that it was so-so.. the sauce is nice 'cos of the abundance of sesame seeds! :D hahaha. so in conclusion, sesame seeds (or sesame oil for the matter) add aroma to a dish :)
Oreo cheesecake slice :) ate with huiying at toa payoh interchange basement foodcourt's bakery (that's quite long. HAHAHA. the cake was okay :) but the discussion and sharing was much much better :)
Birthday card (belated) from CG :) heee. made by michelle and huiying :) blessed =) thank God for them :)

Bazaar photos! (hahaha. more of the merchandise photos :D)
how the stuff looked like when they were at my house for storage. took up 1/4 of my living room space! >_<
on the day of bazaar! :D placed in suitcases for easy sorting and choosing :D
clothes on a rack...
books and videos :D
hahaha. dunno why i'm showing these photos :) good reminder of that day i guess. was quite a strange weathered day :)
Decided to go to tcc while waiting for bazaar to end so that i could plan out my objectives and what i want the kids to obtain from the camp and the programme :) tried the vege eleganza :D SUPER FILLING :S hee. but quite healthy la :) mentaiko tastes sooooooooooooo niceeee~

over the weeks, i took a few pictures of the places i've gone to and the food i've eaten. haahaha.
i love food. hahaha.
here are some of them :D
This is from Sumo House at Clementi :) went with cg pple (huiying, jan, ellson, jootat, james) after a visit to the nus hq :) hee. not nice. HAHAHA. hot soba. i asked for dipping sauce and they don't wanna give me. evil. LOL.


Went to Indulge with the nygep girls to celebrate Qing's birthday! :D too bad we didn't manage to get the inside nicer seats. hehe :\ this is my something dory fish i guess. hahaha. i can't quite remember what i ate. ah well.
Weezi and Yengyong! :) Weezi is michelle's colleague! :D hahaa. Yengyong is Weijian's colleague! :D
The drink i drank. heh. the comment given was that it tasted surprisingly like Huiyuan's drink. ah well :) i think it's bad to comment on photos after a substantial period of time has passed. i sincerely don't remember what the drink is called. LOL
This is Jitsy :) needs no explanation. HAHAHA. i dunno why she's tilted. i tried to rotate her pic, but it refused to be rotated. ah well. too bad then :X
The birthday girl :) friends for 12 years le. hee. love her bubbiness and liveliness :) miss talking about cute guys with her. LOL. and about ten points offshore. haha. and of course, with fungi.
jitsy again! with brownie. HAHAHA. that's our birthday 'cake' for qingz (the birthday girl). but mainly eaten by the rest of us. LOL. nice iso even bought a second one (which was consumed mainly by me and jits :S). hohoho.
jitsy, qing, yengyong and huiyuan. yingxin, guanzhen and iso were there too! but didn't manage to take a grp picture :(

more pictures in next entry~

am having a craving to play claw machines. lol.
huiying and i both won from the machine today!
huiying won a HUGE winnie the pooh!
i got sleeping mickey. heh.
dunno what to do with them though.
LOL

if you haven't, go watch Away we go :)

the other day i was just thinking that if i die on that day, i would probably have no regrets.
hahaa. no i wasn't having suicide ideations.
it's just that from time to time, i would think on certain days, mostly after accomplishing something, that if i die on that day, i would have no regrets.
it's a contented kind of feeling. like how one would prob feel after reviewing his/her life, take a deep breath, sigh and smile. hahahaa.
sure, there would probably be things that i wished i could have done.
like going to japan.
or getting married.
or having my own children.
or taking care of pets. (lots and lots!)
or planting a church for God.
or taking care of more people.
or impacting more lives.
or helping more people through counselling.
or growing in my counselling skills.
or writing a letter to everyone i love.
hahaa. and lots more.
but at times like these, these things would just be things.
and that moment, i felt content.
and pretty ready to meet God.
there are times when i didn't feel so ready to. hahaa. but that time was not such a time.
that was a time when i breathed in, breathed out and thought to myself 'ah, if i die now, i think i would have no regrets. God i'm ready to meet you.'

of course, God didn't take me away.
life still went on as per normal.
but i hope to continue living my life such that i can have days such as these again, and again.
days which i can say to God 'God, i'm ready to meet you.'

-----------------------------------

i realized that nowadays, there're few things that shock me.
i'm not exactly sure that it's a good thing though.
or maybe i should put it this way.. the things don't shock me, but they affect me.
in a way i guess that's good ba. like counsellees will think that what they share is shocking, but it's not. heh.
finished watching 'last friends' today.
i have deep emotions while watching the show, probably 'cos i can understand and figure out what caused each character to do what they're doing.
and their issues are what stirs me deep inside. trauma, sexuality, abuse.
the domestic violence guy is not portrayed very well though :\
lol.
ueno juri acted her role VERY WELL. hohoho. apparently she did research. or rather, it's very convincing. and i'm sure people who're going through it can identify well too.
i quite liked the girl acting as michiru actually. there were people saying she can't act.. but i think her acting rather suits the character (albeit the character is a little irritating at time :X )
i like eita's acting. finito. not much progression in terms of his character though. till now i still have no idea what happened to him. hohoho.
no comments for everyone else. mother's attitude towards michiru at the end is not believable enough. lol
hahaa.
ah well :)
that was a major diversion from my original topic. LOL
-------------------------------------------

ahhhhhh!
i can't watch 'last friends' properly without linking up each stage of what's happening to her to the battered women's syndrome :S
so so so so sos o sossosososososo angry at the guy! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

just watched episode 6 of Angel Beats! :)
heh
i'm actually still grappling with what the anime is about.
it's as if the main story is not the important point, the stories of the individual characters are.
and the stories of the individual characters are the kind tt'd cause u to sit there and not move for some time. 'cos it's really quite raw and quite sad :(

......
dm: why don't you speak in the volume to her (referring to another teacher) like how you're speaking to me now?
student: 'cos you're a man.
me at the side: (................. what the ....)

after some time:
student: because man is 讲道理。
student: because talk to man can easily solve problem.

me at the side: (what in the world)

Movie Taster : The Back-up Plan

Went to watch the movie after parting ways with Joe and Yizhong and Wanqi :)
Was quite tired. First time that I yawned through a movie (a dark cinema is conducive for sleeping!)
The movie describes a lady who has decided to inseminate herself (and became pregnant as a result) as she wants to have a family, but has somehow concluded that there is not going to be a likely chance that she'd meet someone whom she wants to marry. However, lo and behold, we see her meeting with someone whom she clicks with.
Movie's a little odd to me. It tries to be a serious comedy of some sort, but fails in either aspect. hahaa. There are some funny scenes (especially those dealing with children), and some serious things talked about (but these weren't expounded upon properly) in the movie.
Felt that it was interesting how they addressed the issue of trusting people. The movie also portrayed a potential father's fear in his inability to provide for the family, in adjustment to the wife's pregnancy, to rearing children. I find this refreshing as they usually depict the woman's perspective, but not quite the guy's.
Also quite refreshing to see a movie that depicts the different thing pregnant women face as well (cravings, hormonal changes...) and how the couple helps each other along (particularly loved the 'making pancakes' scene where the male character was stressed over the incoming twins, but did not say it out. he expressed it out through waking up in the middle of the night and making lots of pancakes. the female character then came out of the room, and gently ushered him back to bed. thought it was an unique moment 'cos usually they show the girl being the one who needs to be coaxed? but the scene shows that in the relationship, it was a side-by-side helping each other along thing.)
hahaa.
but having said that, there's a lot of bed scenes -.- (not explict, but not very subtle either). and the plot is sucky. ah well :)

i'm sleepy.
and i have the desire to crawl back into bed and sleep and sleep and sleep.
wondering how i'd ever survive trying out the uberman schedule in June.
also just gave myself more work by agreeing to have a camp for the students in June.
LOL
planning out the camp and the 10 week programme for them! woohoo.
having money to play around is quite fun though. hahaah.

disappointed.
and a little sian diao.

last week i was bored.
this week i'm suddenly busy.
hahaha.
my shiroi haru and sunao ni narenakute have been put on hold, alongside with my k-on 2nd season anime. LOL.

Today I'm blessed by three people! :D
hahaha
Am blessed by Ying Jie's email who reminded me that it is faith that produces miracles, not miracles which produces faith! :)
Am blessed by Hui Ying's presence and hard work as we did the preparation for the bazaar together :D Chi made friends with her! hahaa
Am blessed by Guan Rui's email who shared about his journey and life thus far :)

Am EXCITED for the uni-ya singers!
it's like. woww! we actually have a chance to serve the church and to serve God in such a way?!
so scary!
yet so exciting!
and so nervous!
wondering if we can do it.
wondering about skills.
wondering about time.
yet excited about the rare opportunity.

got a clearer idea of my role from God these days as a sister in a predominantly male caregroup as well :)

and Clara's sharing of the vision of a jewel from God confirmed what I've suspected and seen through the months. thank you God :)

chi is now officially on a collar! :D