Limits can be broken=]
but dun break too much of the physical limit.. 'cos ur body is ultimately the temple of God:) need to take good care of it. haha.
think i overexerted myself on sat.. when i slept for 2 hrs and woke up at 6 to send jits off.. then the ALIVE! programme.. then walked ard with the adult grp and some non adults grp pple (learned that we have a to-be-married couple in our midst !! and a super smart guy who can guess all my riddles! haha) and after that found nicholas, minchen and crystal and walked ard with them too=] then service (which was great! haha) and after that... dinner at this taiwan place, then took same bus home with john.
on sunday morning, i woke up 'not that happily' to a discomfort in my chest and a uncomfortable feeling of nausea=S when i woke up again at 9+, i realised that i can't get out of bed... too weak. so on sunday, i cancelled two appointments with pple and one tuition:S symptoms were as follows: nausea (which led to vomitting), fatigue (slept for whole day in bed), slight diarrhoea, general weakness (of the body) and lack of appetite (i ate 2 fishballs, one apple, one pear for the whole day. then proceeded to vomit them all out=D then ate a pill for nausea before managing to eat some porridge and cai xin at 11.45pm. caixin has never tasted so delicious. hahaha). tried to use the comp a few times, but attempts only left me weaker than before.. had to reply smses and what nots.. slept worrying about how to go to school to hand in my proposal form for irp.. and get dr tan to sign it. haha
thank God for michelle=] she was one of the people i cancelled the appointment with.. think she was praying for me throughout the day. haha. thanks for your prayers!
thank God for my mum too=] she was taking care of me the whole day. helping me to off the lights.. cooking the porridge for me, asking if i have fever and all that. thanks for trusting me to sleep it through too. hahaa. i really needed the sleep.
thank God for my dad. especially today.. when he sent me to school to hand in the IRP form.. and subsequently waited for me to send me back home. was still weak from being sick.. taking the nausea pill doesn't hide the fact that i haven't eaten anything much in the past 36hours. my body was breaking out in cold sweat just by walking from Dr Tan's office to my dad's lorry. haha.
thank God for hweefung too. the second person whom i broke an appointment with. cldn't meet her up today either 'cos of IRP form handing in, most resting and alpha prog celeb. haha.
and thank God for Dr Tan. haha. think she's very accomodating and reassuring=] thank you for being so reassuring! (though you prob won't see this. haha)
yup.
loved the ESS on saturday. the skit.. think zhichun and guanrui were really brilliant in their acting.. dorling and serene and joshua were great as supporting actors and actresses.. weilong was great in his mm editting, jiadai was great in her floor managering and i/c of the whole ess, zhenzhong was great in his directing and recording, hongyao was great in his recording and derek was great in his song writing! hahaa. the two songs sung in service were both written by him! (lyrics and tune=D) it was hilarious, with a pinch of a serious note. very entertaining. very class=] thumbs up to u all! xin ku le!
loved the ALIVE programme too=] could see everyone working together.. even though everyone's a volunteer.. everyone still put in a lot of effort to make the first session a memorable one. was quite surprised by the kids as well=] they're surprisingly responsive to us. hahaa. my group was in charge of 4 kids.. but only two (khairul and ramadan) turned up. khairul is super friendly.. haha. ramadan is a bit quieter=) but the reception was much warmer than expected. haha. i think something which really stuck to us was when we told the kids that we'll see them in a month's time.. and some actually replied that we (the volunteers) 'won't come back one'. guess it's really true that they may be sick and tired of volunteers who go there once and then disappear for the rest of their lives. the Alive! progamme seeks to debunk that.. to be there for one entire year. let's do our best for these children!=] and invest our lives in theirs.. such that they can do the same to others as well:)
- it only takes a spark, to keep the fire going-
alpha programming celeb=] i echo bowen's thoughts ba.. wishing that it was a deeper and longer time of sharing. but yup.. hope to have the chance to serve with you all again (timothy, ellson, huanyan, bowen, ruixia, venetia and joyce lim:). really enjoyed the time.. haha. and really learned a lot from each individual... and about myself as well.
heh. (and only God will know the full extent of what this 'heh' actually comprise of. hhaha)
oh yes. thanks to ellson for treating! lol.

today is an interesting day=] today we went to ntu for filming! haha.
Got the chance to know a few ntu brothers and sisters a bit more.. people like wilson, manmi, johnathan, hongyao=D hahaa.
probably left them with the impression that nus sisters are mad. oh well=]
first time walking nicely around ntu's north and south spine. hahaa. why is ntu so nicely decorated? haha. while nus looks quite like a university...
first time eating at Quad's (issit spelt this way?:)
first time filming at an ntu busstop..
first time standing in the middle of the road to read a book. hahaa.
quite excited for ESS this sat=] hope all goes well!
may the name of the Lord be glorified=]
---
then had cg meetup with dai for some sowing stuff. and subsequently went up mount faber to The Jewel Box's altivo bar with joyce to join jitsy and her cg for her farewell=] the scenary was really beautiful.. haha. appreciation pleasure=] something which is unexpected suddenly awes you.. and stirs up an appreciation within you=]

i feel tired. haha. think it's the alcohol.
plan. type. plan. bathe. sleep.

there's something within me that's stirring up emotions.
a beyond within me that is hard to put into words. a gentle swirl of emotions evoked when i saw the dead cat on the wet grass beside the road. when i heard about a sister from sengkim. news that shocked and stunned me.

ohoh! I realised something else these days=]
Realised that I've got a lot of seniors/schoolmates around me in Hope. hahaha.
let's start with JC!
In descending order of age...
NYJC (first three months) - Jan (didn't know him in JC), Zhenzhong (chinese society senior! haha. thought he'll deny it:P) , Carrie (bball senior!), Bowen (eh. indirect bball senior? 'cos guys team:S) , Jessie (same class in first three months. LOL).
VJC (after first three months) - Timothy (when I went in, he was already out), Swee Leong (same thing as Timothy), Joseph (used to meet up once a week. Can't remember for what le), Jitsy (lalala).
NYGH - Jiadai (one year older), Jitsy, Guanzhen, Ziwei (junior from gep), Ruisi (junior)
Poi Ching primary - Eng Hao (1 year older! hahaa), John (same year school mate)

Actually, I just knew about Eng Hao a few days ago, when we were going back home from Alpha camp. He knows Xuanrong (headprefect of the yr before mine, as well as being in wushu with me as well)! hahaa. so strange. hahaa.
Interesting, ya?=]

Been slightly behind time for my IRP. gotta hand in proposal by end of month and I've yet to do it up=] haha. then have yet to finish reading my dear beloved journals as well. And now there're 2 more journals for me to read 'cos of a lab meeting with this professor from another university next thurs noon. i feel a bit funny being the only undergraduate to be in the meeting. somehow i keep wondering if i'm supposed to be there. hahaa. In a way, i guess i've been given a lot of opportunities to know much more about this field (the field of psycholinguistics) and be able to expose myself to different people involved in this field of research. really thank God for this opportunity. haha. but on the other hand, i sometimes wonder if it's all too much for me. lol. i mean, going for the same lab meeting as ur lecturer to listen to another lecturer about her research in the field of psycholinguistics is kinda odd when you're going to attend the lecturer's module next semester and you have not even taken the core module of cognitive psychology (which is what psycholinguistics is based on). And i think I'm supposed to present on my IRP topic some time in september to the people in the lab meeting. the thought of it is not exactly very comforting=] hahaa. dr tan grinned happily when the thought of it crossed her mind though. lol.
gotta really thank God for how far He has brought me through to=] from promos in J1, to A levels in J2, getting into NUS psych despite my interesting grades and now being involved in research and having the chance to dabble deeper into the field... God, You're really bringing me into unknown zones which I myself do not even know if i can go into. haha. and all of a sudden, the difference between the modules in year 2 and year 3 is so wide! haha.
i'm entering year 3 with much anticipation, fear and trepidation. waiting upon God to see how He's gonna bring me through (think it'll be quite interesting:D)
yup. coming to the end of the holidays=] all the best people=]

Alpha is officially over. 4 sessions and 1 camp. over. and as venetia says.. there doesn't seem to be a finale in the heart. there isn't a finale in my heart as of yet either.. though slowly, gradually, yes. i understand. it's over.
as timothy puts it, sowing will continue on. but alpha.. it really is over.
somehow or another, i still feel as if we'll be having 9am meetings that last till 4pm.. the typing out of minutes in Tahoma font size 10, the preparing for things on friday before the sessions, the various phonecalls made in the middle of the night to settle things around.. the smses from timothy or ruixia or venetia or joyce to discuss about stuff. the gathering of people to come out with new and innovative ideas. the fellowship that comes with it. the meeting together in the programming room, preparing things, feeling tired, frustrated, yet having the joy to go on, encouraging one another, getting to know one another.
the sustenance by God throughout the late nights and early mornings (or in the event of no sleep at all), the ideas given by God at 3+ in the morning due to a change of plans and withdrawing of people right before Prison break even when we've reached the brink of fatigue, the reminders by God to the moulding of character even when the body feels tempted to sin...encouraged by sisters and brothers who slept for less than 2hrs in 2 days, have another camp after this, have diarrhoea and still continued to host excellently for God...
to reminisce of all these.
i thank You, my dear God.. for this rare chance.

some photos taken by venetia:)

From left: Venetia, Me, Ruixia and Joyce(Lim)

From left: Huanyan, Bowen and Timothy

=] the programmers! technically ellson is also inside.. but poor ellson is stuck in his job. hahaa.

-When i look into Your holiness
when i gaze into Your loveliness
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
when my will becomes enthralled in Your love
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
the reason I live
Is to worship You-

worship, ascribing worth unto God.

speaking of temperaments, recently i redid the temperament test. just for the fun of it. and my results showed that i'm a sang cho instead. i hereby conclude tt the test is not very accurate=] because i dun think i'm choleric.
haha=]
i'm so looking forward to alpha camp! hahaa. looking forward to see the activities unfold, to see the plot unfold, to see the lives unfold=] looking forward to the enjoyable time of games, of joyful fatigue, of thoughtful reflections, of sharing lives together=] quite proud of the alpha camp. hahaa. 'cos it contains the elements of an orientationg camp (with the sincere intention to allow the freshmen to get to know each other and the seniors), yet among the rara-ness, there's also the element of thought, whereby together we can consider about some questions about life=] therein lies the element of something that's deeper than mere games and chatting. not saying that games and all that ain't good.. hahaa. it's just that if it's all there is, then it's kinda shallow, ain't it? =]
using activities to fill up the hole in the heart... then at the end of the day, when the activities end, all things remain the same. for temporal stuff can never fulfill the eternal need we have.

koped from zhenzhong!

Let's share a few interesting things around my life these days=]
1) Alpha Session 3
- OOh. I love this session! hahaa. Love the game (of getting KiaLokes to be in Asia room to guide the teams through the phone to form a map of the prison. whaha)
- I love the sharing by Claramae! Lots of stories, examples, analogies=D

2) Jitsy on the train to Woodlands.
- This silly girl. heard the ringtone that goes 'I'm gonna give you Gatsby... Gatsby...' from another girl on the train and formulated the idea of asking the girl to bluetooth the song to her. In the end, she really asked the girl! haha. the girl's quite friendly=) and guess what? the interesting thing is.. she got the ringtone by asking someone on the train to bluetooth it to her too!
Maybe this can be a new form of advertisement=D

3) Sleepover at yengyong's house with jitsy, yingxin and of course, yengyong. lol.
- We watched Paris, Je t'aime in the middle of the night. Not a good choice to watch in the middle of the night.. 'cos need to figure out what each short story is sharing about. OOOH. but i love the way they shot it and the presentation style. so brilliant!
- Breakfast buffet in the morning was not as exciting as it sounded. haha. but it's the company which perks me up=D

4) Combined team rally on sunday.
- I love the praise and worship! the gathering of believers enthusiastic for God and His purpose!

5) On the bus back home on Sunday.
- Went on the bus, and was asked by the bus driver if I know Chinese. LOL. apparently there're people who didn't where exactly they wanna go, and they speak in Chinese.. the bus driver was an indian (chinese-nonspeaking one..). so i became the interpreter=)

Yup. that's all=]

I think we're much busier during the holidays than during school term=] It kind of trains you up to be more and more diligent.
I've realised a few things about my working style ever since last semester. Self-awareness i suppose. Knowing myself so that I can be more effective in serving God - sober judgement of my weaknesses and strengths.
I realised that while I'm more effective doing things individually than in a group, I am even more effective doing things in pairs than individually. And it'll help if I can constantly communicate with the person (e.g. talking) 'cos talking helps me to organise my thoughts and having another person doing it with you reassures me.
IRP is kind of throwing me off my track. haha. Got an email from Dr Tan and I haven't replied her 'cos I don't know if my study is on track or not. Feels a bit lost 'cos I haven't really concretize my methodology for the experiment. And yet i have the feeling i can concretize it in one day if i really sit down and read and think about it. However, I've not finished reading my journals.. so if I go and do the experiment now, it may be a waste of time 'cos I didn't even concretize my exact objectives in mind. hmm. On one hand, I don't want to miss out on this pool of people and the chance to just integrate my study into already-done experiment. On the other hand, I'm not prepared enough to tap on this pool of people. In short,
I'm kinda lost. XD
And i just remembered a journal i need to read for the lab meeting. hoohoo. talk about being scatterbrained!
Oh by the way, I realised that (realised this some time ago) that I have a spectrum of behaviour for stress.
Mild stress (to me, my definition of mild stress and others' definition may be slightly different. haha) --> Hyped up. Challenge.
Moderate stress --> Zonk out. Distract self. Run away.
Extreme stress (e.g. tmr need to hand in report, today haven't do) --> Chiong. Do things quite effectively. But will die the next few days. hahaa.

so actually, mild stress is good for me. LOL. okay.
goodnight=]

in the words of Dr Tan:
'Just realised that it's already the end of June… argh'

argh indeed.
just finished watching naruto (the first series) episode 19. SO SAD.

Seems like we're supposed to post the answers to the questions in the 'true friend test (which is kinda biased.. hahaa. but yup)'
Here it is! (it's kinda strange doing this, yah?)
1) Which one of these ccas was I never in before?
Ans: The answer would be swimming. hahaa. I was in table tennis in P4 and 5, was in basketball and band in the first three months.

2) What are my two favourite characters from the Winnie the Pooh cartoon?
Ans: Tigger and Eeyore. Tigger 'cos he's orange and he's bouncy and he takes things in his stride. Eeyore 'cos of his melancholic nature and his endearing look=]

3) When did I first start wearing specs?
Ans: 4 years old. Sad thing ah. Kindergarten photos show everyone without specs and me wearing them. hahaha:)

4) Which bible character do I find myself identifying the most with?
Ans: hehee. A lot of people chose Peter. Why? hahaa. I identify the most with David. His songs of praise and worship towards God mirrors what I would say. His heart after God is what I want to emulate. His love towards people is what I wish to grow in more and more each day as well.

5) What is my language of love?
Ans: A lot of people chose words of affirmation for this. haha. I have two equal languages of love. touch and quality time:) surprise surprise. yes i know. Words of affirmation make me feel somewhat uncomfortable =] ha ha ha.

6) When did I start loving psychology and want to study it in uni?
Ans: Sec 2 xD Because of some show I can't remember now. hahahaa.

7) What is one instrument I've always wanted to learn since young?
Ans: The piano. Will try to learn from classmates about how to play the piano.. not the scales, but just how to play certain things. I love the sound of the piano. It did change to violin though, after I learned that my mum used to be a violin player...haha. Surprisingly, I can't sit through recitals. but i do enjoy watching anime with classical music. hahaha. depends.

8) What are three of my favourite fruits?
Ans: They're all yellow=] Lemon, mango and pineapple xD And no, yellow isn't my favourite colour.

9) When I'm shy or tired, I...
Ans: Become very quiet. Unless I have to talk.

10) What are my favourite colours?
Ans: Pink, purple and orange. the order changes. currently I prefer purple. There was a period of time which i preferred orange. depends=] but it revolves around these three colours. hahaha.

yup. the end.

Another thing which God reminded me about during Alpha.
the story of Nicodemus, a teacher of the law.
He knows a lot about the old testamant teachings and its prophecies, but he did not have a personal relationship with God.
let us continue to not just know more (in terms of knowledge and experience) in our heads, but know more in our hearts as well.

during worship today, the words 'God has set eternity in the hearts of men' kept coming to mind.. and when Jasmine spoke, she shared about God putting eternity into our hearts as well.
the verse itself:
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

God has set eternity in the hearts of men.. that's why men strive for things greater than themselves. things which are beyond what they see, things beyond what they can normally do. Beyond ourselves. Beyond the time we're limited by. A stirring in our hearts to do more..
Yet even as God has set eternity in our hearts, we're limited. We're limited by the works of sin.. the circumstances we find ourselves in, the limitations of our human body, our innate sinful nature that's been with us ever since we're born. there exists the constant struggle which lies between the hope for eternity, and our limitations.
And as human beings, we really do tend to look to the physical. When circumstances go bad, we doubt. When things don't go our way, we question. When situations get tougher, we run away. When the questions get too hard, we look for an easy explanation out. And we slowly cover the eternity set in our hearts with the limitations we possess, then we slowly melt into a sluggish blob of mash, instead of being the vessel which we can be in Christ.
And we forget that our destiny is in Christ. That we can be victorious in Him. that we can do much more when we let Jesus be at the steering wheel instead.
When we are weak, then we are strong.. because of we have an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-living God.

'lovely complex' is nice:)
it's more for girls though. hahaa.
a bit shallow. but quite funny.
cheers me up on thoughtful nights=D

Recently i got too used to the sleeping at 4am, wake up at 10 or 11am routine. So when i slept at 4+am, and had to wake up at 8+ today..i really struggled. i was happily zonked out=D awoke at 9.30am in the end, washed up, changed, grabbed my sermon notebook and went out of the house at 9.50am. Thank God for fresh morning air:)
i was super exhausted for the whole day. haha. but thank God that it wasn't during the times when i had to serve. while doing infocounter, i was relatively awake... hahaa. then when i went for lunch, i started to be sleepy again:S drinking coffee doesn't help:P it caused me to fall asleep while sitting upright.
ohohoh. but today was quite an intriguing day:D first time i saw nexus filled with so few pple. so quiet! so strange. hahaa. nevertheless, really quite amazed at the pple who came for service (even though their caregroup pple are like overseas and all..) these people had the desire to worship God for who He is, regardless of whether their cg members are there to prompt them. having the conviction which prompted them to love God even when no one is there to see. i thank God for these people:) got some pple came at the wrong timing though. haha. so poor thing.
i got to see lots of kids! hahaa. 'cos they were having hopetots at europe room..then they ended earlier than the adults. hahaa. you see small little human beings (around the age of 2) walking around.. playing in front of the mirror, falling and crying (:S), messing up bulletins:D saw sophica again! (the child of the hope germany couple.. issit hope germany.. hmm) caught her wandering ard the counter, picking pamphlets up and throwing them all over the floor. hahaha! so naughty! lol. then subsequently she fell onto another toddler. literally squished her happily XD before that she was lifting up the flap of a pram, then the toddler inside pulled it down again. so it went on. up, down up... then wander off.
seeing toddlers elicited a desire in me to want to experiment on them. hahaha!
oh oh! i made a new friend with the philipino group pple:) her name is Fiona. she's 15 months old and she pronounces her name as Iona. She decided to emulate Sophica and throw pamphlets on the floor too=] hahaha. but she's so smart! i waved to her, she waved to me. then i clapped and she clapped. and we clapped in turn to the praise song. hahaha. delightful:)
[mental note: at 1 yr 3 months, some babies dunno how to pronounce the sound of 'f']
i read somewhere that 'Father' is the gentlest name for a guy... think i saw lots of fathers today=] it's like mori senpai with honey senpai on his shoulders. he can look dao.. or aloof.. but when the 'lovely item' is on his shoulders, it softened the whole outlook. the amazing thing is, i saw more fathers carrying childen today than mothers. maybe 'cos it's father's day. haha.
i'm not particularly a lover of children:) but these toddlers perked my day. haha. their antics entertain them. i think if i have a child, i'll be laughing at him or her all day. poor child:P LOL

i'm sending my laptop for repair. so sad.
=(
supposed to send u today..but the thought of kinda put me down. hahaa.
no la. just lazy to go to sch to send it for repair. tmr:P

Today i met up with Dr Tan in her office to discuss about a possible IRP topic. She's very nice.. going through with me the possible things I can do.. as well as when i can conduct the experiments and all. I came out thinking 'what did I get myself into?' =S=S=S lol. shucks. i really don't know what to do.. haha. i work better alone.. but i think i work better alone when clear guidelines are already given. haha. i guess it'll be a nice challenge=D but i'll need help. do help me. wahaha.
This week is a week of meetups=] Tiring on the body, tiring on the wallet, but refreshing to the soul=] haha. Update another time ba. and i seriously think my laptop needs repairing le. so sad.

An excerpt from an email from Dr Tan:)

We are looking for healthy volunteers aged between 18 and 89 years old, who will be willing to take part in our research study involving language and cognition. You will be asked to do some simple reading tasks and cognitive tests. You will receive $20 for your time and effort, and sessions can be held at your home. Interested volunteers are requested to email Geetha at psygv@nus.edu.sg or call 6516 5000.

Please help. hahaha. thank you=] it's not easy to get subjects. By the way, Geetha might even be willing to go down to your house i think. If she asks how you know abt the experiment, you're welcome to say you got it from my blog. LOL. kidding:)

the bottomline is, help=]