Learned a lot from the singers and the musicians today :) it's quite amazing how they can listen by ear. haha. amazed at how muahchee can harmonize so well. i'm quite amazed at anyone who can harmonize. lol. i suck at harmonizing (or rather, i don't know how to harmonize:P LOL) i will learn though :S not confident in harmonizing either (harmonizing is a relatively new thing to me. blah).
so many coughing and having sore throats. heh.
supper with jovin and donald was disastrous. stuck between two lame people caused me to wonder why i've decided to come along for supper. haha.
we went to joo seng to want to eat the apparently-very-nice (i've not tried it myself) fishball noodles, but it was closed -.- lol
i'm sleepy and getting relatively incoherent.
there was a small cat (slightly bigger than chi, but still looks like a kitten) who was mewing outside my house just now (at the ledge by the window, to be exact). i was so surprised to see him (yes, he's a he. it's quite obvious on him. not so much on chi o.O)
so i went out of the house to feed him with chi's munchies (since chi doesn't like his munchies so much).. went out two times, 'cos he resumed his mewing position under my window, at the ledge. the second time he started to show signs of affection towards me (by rubbing his cheek against my legs..) and i eh.. well. i started to run away from the kitten. haha.
'cos cats rub their scent off items or humans to mark their territory.. and i didn't really wanna get marked :P chi'll get jealous.
when i came back into the house, chi started to sniff at my legs and ran away from me with his tail down (expression of fear and slight hostility). lol. i washed my feet and my hands.. apparently the scent doesn't go away so fast. lol. oh well.
my house's gonna be rid of pests soon (seeing the rate that chi is playing with cockroaches). he found another one today.. i seriously don't know whether to be glad or to be appalled. lol.
i hope i can wake up tmr:)
woke up at 11.15am (maybe doing things till late at night is not exactly a wise decision when u have sch the next day) when my lesson was at 11am. so i missed the whole interesting lecture by john elliot on history and systems of psychology.. all the talk about descartes, mill, darwin, hall and pavlov. haha.
oh no. chi is playing with the cockroach again.

Restless soul, restless mind, restless body.
Can't sleep, can't settle mind down to sing, can't concentrate.
Decided to do some things on my list of 'Things to be done (As of now..)'.
Why isn't there a job which can allow me to work overnight? hahaha.
Chi is going mad chasing after the big furry toy mouse. I have no idea where the foamy head of the squid has gone to.. or where the rest of the six legs (o.O) of the squid has gone to either.
I like the silence.
I like to listen to the whirring of the fan behind me.
I like to breathe in the cooler air at night.
I like the occasional chi. just occasionally.

-nobody knows how weak I am
better than You
nobody sees all of my needs
better than You
and nobody has the power
to change me
to be all you want me to be
Jesus be strong in my weakness
empower me-

not very sure if i should continue on, or to take up the potential new role. i've gone through its toughest period, and things seem to be going quite smoothly, yet i know that it's not what i'm created to continue doing. it's not my passion, it's way out of my giftings.
the brother mentioned that we may be taking up a position which may better suit someone, which may enable the person to do much greater things than i am doing now in the ministry. he mentioned that it'll probably fit for a while, but the person won't be able to sustain for long.. 1 yr, 2 yrs?
i was thinking to myself.. i've been here for 4 years... kinda overstayed?
lol.
maker.
mission.
what does God want me to do?
5 years? hmm.
chi is making a racket by running up and down.
i know what chi's mission can be. lol
to catch all the cockroaches in my house and kill them. haha.
(and possibly spoil all my stuff in the process. lol)

from 'run lola run', sung by potente (main character) herself --> a short snippet, with excess cut away (meaning that only the parts i like are left. haha)

I wish I was a hunter
in search of different food
I wish I was the animal
which fits into that mood
I wish I was a person
with unlimited breath
I wish I was a heartbeat
that never comes to rest

I wish I was a stranger
who understands the sky
I wish I was a starship
when Saturn's flying by
I wish I was a princess
with armies at her hand
I wish I was a ruler
who'd make them understand

*Chorus:
Never-- I wish...
Never say Never
I wish...
NEVER
I wish...
--SAY NEVER

I wish I was a writer
who sees what is yet unseen
I wish I was a prayer
expressing what I mean
I wish I was a forest
of trees that do not hide
I wish I was a clearing
No secrets left inside

yup okay. down to sleep. one french movie down, another to go..
sidetrack a bit.
it felt interesting, watching a french movie. i'm not used to listening to french being spoken, more used to japanese in what i watch.. so at first i felt kinda uncomfortable having to listen to french and having to be conscious of subtitles..
habituation kicks in after a short while though.
watching french movies 'cos our early lang dev mod requires us to watch at least 2 movies of the same foreign language.. it's for an experiment. haha.

Just finished watching 'run lola run' :D
It started out with me wondering what's so good about watching a person running..
kinda like anime.. or coffee.. or green tea..
the more you have it, the more addicted you are to it.
brilliant movie:) hahaha. love the effects. love the music. love the idea. it's very fresh. few movies make my mind and heart beam. this one did :)
i've got the running song running through my head at this moment.
can't find the right version on imeem.. and can't seem to illegally download it either. so too bad.
Watched 'blue fish' (directed by tim burton) yesterday as well. another great movie. I think i'll need to rewatch that one to get further meaning out of it. i feel i've missed out a great deal. haha. can try watching it too.. got a double meaning (or even triple) behind the title. it's relatively interesting.

To tell the truth, I am relatively disappointed that I didn't get the parttime moderator job. hahaa. cindy said that i shouldn't have told doelee my habbo nick (dun meet requirement of not being a habbo. hahaha!). lol. but oh well. i still think honesty is the best policy :) disappointed 'cos it's probably a job i'll look forward to. hahaha. oh well.
bought my textbooks today :) all look quite dry o.O
hahaa. but i look forward to reading them :) along with the 51 journals from early lang dev. and the dunno how many journals from the social work module.
do you know that if you're a bilingual, your aging onset is slower? so you actually have the potential to live longer :)
so interesting right? something i've learned in the monday bilingualism class. haha.
tsunting was tempting me to take the masters programme for speech therapy programme. lol. but i think i'll die. 'cos 1) i'm lazy. 2) i dun love language that much. lol.
too many things on mind that's unsettled :) too many tracks in mind.
recently (okay, maybe not tt recent), realized that there's someone who's very similar to me :) hahaha. thank God for tt person. hahaha. can learn much from him. yup.

we're going geylang!:)
for a cultural trip.
you can join us too if you want. it's more of an ex caregroup outing though.
we're going to see mimi-s and lulu-s.. the 20s, the 40s, the 60s and the 80s (that's the price per half an hour, according to a reliable source) :P
we wanted to go in a car (safer..) but i guess if the whole group of us go, should be fine. as long as the brothers dun go and do something funny like scold the girls who try to approach them :S
just wanted to see how world is like on the other side of life.
i wonder if i'll ever have the chance to talk to one of them and see how their mentality is like.

eh.
chi is playing with a live cockroach.
O.o
i dunno if i shld just pick the cockroach up and dispose of it to give it a quicker death.

i see .
backing off.

i enjoyed my two lectures today.. though both nearly caused me to want to sleep.
lol
i enjoy the smaller class.
and seeing Dr Tan again today made me feel as if I was seeing an old friend :)
i think i've got lots more to type, but i'm really quite exhausted.
she called me up today for a phone interview. so interesting. just read the job description and i'm amazed at the job scope of the job. it didn't look like it, but it's actually quite a long list of things to do. intriguing i suppose.
i really respect you. i usually react in anger. but i guess i reacted the way i did 'cos i was really hurt, especially when i really respect you.
gosh. fell asleep in front of the comp. goodnight.

Just a random thought.
I am seriously not very good at english =) lol.
it's not a matter of using bombastic words that blow people away, neither is it a matter of being able to form grammatical statements..
it's more of the ability to weave words of intricate meanings into your statements such that a precise delivery of what you really want to bring across or express can be done (i feel).
haha.
and there are many other people who are more brilliant than me in this aspect.. especially the nygep people :P
it's really scary, the way some of them use words (no offence. it's a compliment! haha) they'll splatter unknown words into their sentences and serve it with a nonchalant, i-do-this-everyday manner that cause you to go 'wow'.
you want real life examples in Hope? try talking to jitsy or guan zhen. hahaha.
i am but a mere replica of what i have learned from the people i'm exposed to in secondary school. and i thank God for that :) 'cos i think my english foundation was built then. haha. as well as my love for wordplay.

by right, i should be quite free since i have 2 free days.
by left, i have tons of things (+ a parttime job) to do with renders me busy in these 2 supposedly free days.
thank God for free days.

it's a fantasy job come true :) haha.
work from home.
work in a game.
part time job which is flexible to your schedule.
enforce internet security.
lol.
an extra 640 per month.
hmmm.
now if only my other fantasy job can come true. hahaha.
watch anime and get paid for it. HAHAHA :P

hong teck took us for team coaches course today :)
hahaa.
got to know that last week's attendance was only 5 (there're ard 20 pple in team coaches course), so quite sad.
that's got nothing to do with hongteck taking us for team coaches course though :) lol.
i learned a lot from him today :) i think settling conflicts and problems is an area which is relatively talked about and learned (for me anyway:P).. but still learned quite a lot from today's lessons :)
think something i got reminded of today is that good leadership is non-negotiable.
hahhaa.
something which i've learned today is about the area of strengths..
you know, usually we'll think that when we define strengths, we define it in the area that we're good at, that's we're better at. so, for example, my strength could be that i can read things fast. lol.
hongteck taught us today that sometimes people don't know where their strengths lie. actually, most of the time, it's hard for people to list down their top 3 strengths..
and when he talks about strength, he doesn't mean it in the sense of things that you're very good at, but rather, things which you do that energizes you.
so for example, i may be very good at reading things fast, but if i hate reading, and by reading, it'll cause me to be relatively miserable, that is NOT a strength which i have.
conversely, if i can't read things fast, but i LOVE reading, there's potential for me to grow 'cos my passion will drive me to train myself in that area :)
of course, the best thing'll be that i can both do tt thing well and it energizes me. lol.
self awarenes is very important.(i remember junting commending me before in tt aspect, but i never really understood why there was a need to commend. i've always thought that everyone is equally self aware.)
lol.

tired.
but i think the publicity people (especially jesse and manmi) are even more tired than me.
do pray for them :) they're working hard for the ess this sat =] heh. pray for effectiveness and for God to continually give them the strength to continue on:)
can't do anything much on my part ('cos i dun have the technical knowledge..) but i guess we can all support them by sending smses and praying for them :)
i enjoyed the time today. heh.
or rather, i enjoyed today :)
enjoyed the lecture though i felt it was a waste of time. hahaha. hmm. met a friend there. quite unexpected since it's an english module.. but that friend's from psych:) turns out tt our lecturer majored in psycholinguistics.. so technically, she's a psychology major. no idea why she's based in the english department though :)
enjoyed the talk with the prof. lol. showed him my account.. talked to him a bit about what credits are.. it's 8+/hr. that seems quite high for spending time to talk to people :)
enjoyed the time with jiali :) hehe. though we didn't talk much and spent most of the time talking to other people and finding out how to get clearance from habbo. thanks to cindy who helped us find out from doelee (a moderator from habbo). lol. still wondering if i should apply for the part time position of a mod (mainly considerations about time).
enjoyed the time for ess rehearsal :) it's great to see an idea taking shape. pretty amazing. a lot of changes to be done, but pretty amazing how everything is turning out to be:) lots of things to be learned in the process.. lots of people to learn these things from :)
enjoyed the time after ess rehearsal :) lol. i thought it was really amusing. HAHAHA.
yup. so basically, i enjoyed today quite a bit :) good day. haha.

cracks.
my unconscious mind took over the consciousness yesterday.
fatigued without realizing the extent.

Somehow or another, the topic of bgr and singlehood has been resurfaced in the topics surrounding my life once again (since 3-4 months ago).
could be due to the long overdue unfinished, unchased after article that beckons to be written.
could be due to same gender cg. haha. nice topic to open hearts.
could be due to people we know getting married. yay.
i've had quite a few random thoughts about this area these few weeks as well. lol.
i have been thinking about..
how glad i am for the sisters and brothers who got attached :) may they spur each other on in their love for God and in the vision God has given them :)
how the heart is deceitful above all the things :) haha. that in the past, there've been times when i did foolish things. oh well.
(gotta run. no more time. lol)
Have been reading 'not even a hint' by joshua harris. this is one thing i think we can continually remind ourselves about (amidst many other things written in the book).
haha.
"The opposite sex shouldn't be viewed as a bunch of potential partners - they are men and women created in God's image, whom Christ died to save. They're family! We are given not only the responsibility but also this amazing privilege of looking out for each other - even fighting and sacrificing for each other. This is what true love is about."
i think when this is put into perspective, it helps us to relate to each other more easily with purity, as well as to respect each other.
i don't have the gift of celibacy. there are times when i feel like getting someone close to hug (:P) amidst other things (:P). but then at these times i remind myself (amidst other reminders as well..) that even as we build each other up, we're helping each other to become the man/woman that the future partner is looking for. i'm glad, actually, that it's possible to have the purity in heart in relating to the opposite gender, that we can help each other along.. and at the end of the day, when i see a brother whom i've liked with the sister that he likes, i can't help but applaud the union that God has brought about. and i really thank God for the many things i've learned from brothers i'm close to as well :)

drama. scripts. lighting.
ah!
i love plays :) i love watching musicals :) i love theatre :)
i love creating stories.
i think all of us really have different ways of looking at things.
some of us are concerned about the flow,some of us are concerned about the storyboard, some of us are concerned with the stage directions, some of us are concerned with whether everything links or not, some of us are concerned with the actual acting, some are concerned with lighting (e.g. me.) and some are concerned with keeping to the context of the whole script.
kinda to do with what kinda exposure to theatre we've had in the past i suppose..
it's interesting. it gets frustrating at times. it's exhilarating at others. and it makes you want to puke blood most of the time. oh well.
but i still like theatre :)
i can't appreciate dance performances so much(sorry jiali), and i can't appreciate band and choir performances (guess i'm not cultured enough)... but theatre.. drama.. plays.. musicals. ah. they make my heart sing. good ones.
bad ones make me cringe and cause me to want to throw things at them (i know. i'm not gentle.)
lol.
i think i jump too fast to rejecting or accepting ideas. need to be more open to the ideas first. will grow in that. lol.

And a friend's a friend forever
if the Lord's the Lord of them

yup.
a very very small tribute (i like tributes these days:D) to the two deers (yes. it's a deliberate error:P)
i think it's a very unlikely friendship. haha. seeing that the three of us seem to be quite different (even if we disregard the gender difference).
i thank God that i got the chance to know the two of you though :) to see things from two other perspectives, to learn about life from two other points of view as well.
i still remember the exponential friendship curve we've had in the first three months. then after we knew each other kinda inside-out (ha ha ha ha ha), the curve flattens out a little. but the friendship remained :)
yup. let us continue to build each other up in our various ministries, continue to share our lives, continue to take pictures, continue to try different kinds of food :) lol. continue to have (non)daily convos and continue to give each other weird names:P
come join me in yp soon! (hahaha. kidding:D)
alternatively u two can get married and go to adults (okayokay. i'm kidding too:) later give pple wrong impression. then u two can have extra shepherding =)

when i smell something stinky coming from behind me, i know that's when chi is poo-ing :S and i turn, just to confirm it for myself.
and the smell gradually disappears due to its dissipation, as well as the wonders of anti-bacterial cat litter.
readings for early lang dev is out! 43 in all! so exciting.
i love journals.
ha ha ha ha ha.
looking forward to monday when i meet the prof :D

A certain lethargy, a sort of languidness
A spiritless pile of words.

I'm going to be earning money by spending time on habbo. lol.

Got this forwarded email from yizhong!

[I am looking for student assistants.

If you are a member of Habbo (www.habbo.com or www.habbo.com.sg), please contact me. No programming is required.

The task is to help me in onilne data collection. Student assistants will be paid based on hourly rate. ]

wahahhaa.

It's quite heartening to have brothers and sisters staying near you. haha. i think i'm quite blessed in this aspect, to have brothers and sisters staying near me... can catch up with them on the way home..
for example yaoguo.. i've not seen/talked to him for around 3 years or so, but i got the chance to take the same bus as him (we've never seen each other in the toa payoh vicinity in our lives, much less have the chance to take the same bus) and got to find out a bit of how he is.
when christine (from youth dance) was still in singapore (she's currently overseas, working in disneyland!), we used to catch each other quite often at the interchange and just take the same bus together back (she stays one stop down from where i stay).
now i can take the same bus back as donald after praise and worship prac 'cos we stay one bus stop away from each other as well :)
hmmm.
have seen two other people around too.. like gabriel and this poly leader i don't know the name of. lol.
and today, i found out that siewyee (this sister i met during last friday's genacts event) stays 5 mins (walking time) from where i stay. lol. so amazing :) she's flying off to peru this sunday! she and her hubby only managed to get the house a year+ ago.
maybe when more church brothers and sisters get married, they'll move to flats near me too. hahaa.

One of my favourite songs to play on o2jam (when it was still around. lol).



itchy hands.

All's well that ends well.
v2 is out!:)

i don't like it when people leave me alone to do something (e.g. during exams when you have one last exam and the whole world thinks they're doing you a favour by leaving you alone) and leave you out of the loop.
or when people ask you to do something, and in the end, when they don't need you to do that anymore, they don't update you, they just give you a miss altogether.
it irritates me when there're chunks of missing information in the picture i'm seeing.

thinking if we should change song..lol.
写不出分手的片段。感觉不出失恋的滋味。
有一阵子没有那种伤与痛，所以写不出来。哈哈。
心中蛮开朗的。
听了好多悲伤的歌曲，好像也没什么帮助。

可惜不是你-梁静茹
这一刻 突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天 今天同时在放映
我这句语气 原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点 骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了 预留的伏线
以为在你身边 那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天 已非常遥远
但闭上我双眼 我还看得见

可惜不是你 陪我到最后
曾一起走 却走失那路口
感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段 我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权利关心你
可能你 已走进别人风景
多希望 也有 星光的投影

感谢那是你 牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口
---------------------------------
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己 完成你的期盼
把手放开不问一句 Say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管 只要你能愉快

I can't help thinking about what was shared on saturday about the covenant. hahaa.
or rather, i can't help thinking about the person who was mentioned in the covenant. kinda have an inkling on who it is.. but i guess i can't conclude on the name if it was not explicitly mentioned.
i think in a sense, when i knew that the person has left, the first thought that came to my mind was 'why in the world did he do that?' (probably most people have that thought as well). and even though he's just a person i know, but definitely am not close to, i couldn't help feeling slightly betrayed (strange ah), like he's broken a promise and let us down.
though at the end of the day, he himself is accountable to God for his actions, the repercussions and effects of his departure will never be fully measured until the day when all of us stand before the throne.
I've often evaluated how affected I'll be personally if a leader or someone close to me leaves. And to be honest, I really wasn't much affected by the brother's departure.. until recently when i recalled of the teachings he's given and recalled of all that he's shared to us before.
there're a few leaders whom i respect a lot in Hope, along with a few other brothers and sisters (haha. i love my brothers and sisters, but there're a particular few whom i really respect.) and i couldn't help wondering how i'll respond if they leave. i suppose it won't be to the extent that i will leave God, but it will definitely affect me much more than in the past.

oh yah.
left my laptop at cottage waffle place without realizing it..
me and guan and weez walked around suntec for quite some time after leaving that place, and then while we were walking through citylink to the mrt, i suddenly realized that i didn't have my laptop with me.
lol
thank God for weez and guan who went back to help me look for the laptop. haha. had to rush off 'cos was meeting my mum and the rest of the family to celebrate her belated birthday.
thank God also that the laptop was still there.
i think quite a couple of thoughts went through my mind. lol. the first thought was that God will protect my laptop. the second was of daniel in the lion's den, that if God doesn't deliver, He is still good and I will still trust in Him and praise Him. the third thought was that if he doesn't deliver, maybe He wants me to learn to take better care of my possessions (not the first time i left my laptop somewhere without realizing it. lol) oh well.
and i was thinking how troublesome it would be without a laptop.. haha.
thank God that my laptop was found! hehe.
but a bit tiring to have to go take it. haha.

I realize that there's a difference in the process of producing something and absorbing something. when i'm producing something, i can't have music in the background. when i'm absorbing something, i can. in fact, it might help sometimes.
when i produce something, i can't stay there for long. i need constant breaks. and if i've been producing for some time, i need a long long break.. either i produce something of another genre, or i absorb instead.
i can absorb something for a longer period of time if it's fresh material. old material makes me bored after a while. haha.
------------------------------------------------
hehee. psycholinguistics is a fascinating area in psychology to me :) it could possibly be due to the fact that my favourite lecturer loves that area, it could also possibly be due to my familarity with the material. hahaa. quite excited to revise what i've learned about this area in early lang development (my 3rd module by my fav prof!) and in bilingualism (i'm interested to hear what they've got to say about this area since my whole independent project was on bilingualism). hahaa.
my specific interest lies more in the area of phonology (phonological representation of chinese consonants in english L1 and chinese L1 speakers was the area i was exploring for my irp). hahaha. i get quite sensitive to the way people talk and pronounce due to the fact that i was critically analyzing how my subjects spoke in the experiments i conducted. hahahaa.
Dr Tan is continuing on what i've explored 2 semesters ago.. she said she's doing something along those lines and requested the sound files from me. hopefully she'll be able to do a better job in analysing the data (my spss skills are not exactly the best) and will be able to contribute much to the relatively untouched area of bilingualism in the very young field of psycholinguistics. imagine a breakthrough in the understanding in that field and part of the credits given to you! woohoo.
singapore is a great place to explore this 'cos of our bilingual environment. hahaa. what an apt place we are placed in :)

there've been times in the past months when i've felt a certain way, when i know what i'm sharing/doing is right, but i don't quite understand/couldn't quite place why it's right.
then during wfl i'll be like "ohhhhh. so that's why i feel like that.." or "yes! i agree with you!" in my heart. lol.
i once thought it's enough to just integrate the principles u've learned into your life.. i mean applying it is important right?:) but i guess it's important to remember where the principle came from as well.. so as to be able to have a reason for why we're doing the things we do :) and to be able to explain it well.
--------------------------------------
i can't multi-task well :( it's a weakness. hahaa. sadly.
i usually do one thing at a time. finish up one thing before starting to tackle another. then finish the third before tackling a forth.
tried to do that for the past month or so.. and realized that it's not the most effective way of doing things, looking at the stuff i have on hand at this moment and the time factor.
i need to multi-task. wahaha. faints.

As much I really try to keep an objective mind and unbiasness towards the whole situation, I still can't help feeling indignant for the team.
i think there're points that we cld have done better, and i can identify with how it feels to have the work you've created being criticized and all.. but to harshly put it across that the team doesn't appreciate what was created was a tad too much.
at the end of the day, i thank God that we have a clear conscience. i think the publicity head's done a great job in affirming the people and softly putting the msg across, and i think we're justified in why we gave certain comments.
and God will protect his annointed.

tempted to climb over the 'fence' and into the neighbour's house.
hahaha

YAY! version 1 of the main script has been out (--> a result of cognitive processes going too fast. has been done. is out). Without the character profiles and the mm clips.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
hahaha. but yay! version 1 of the main script is out!
Jesse is stoning.
The two zhongs are looking intently into the same screen.
i'm listening to Mr Q and giving my brain a break before evaluting version 1 of the script. lol.
thank God i dun see blue rabbits hopping around today :D

better give the context.
we're at yizhong's house rushing out things. woohooooooooooooo!

when you start to sing to yourself in the middle of the night
when others are sleeping, and your lamp's still burning bright
when all that's in your mind are whimsical lines
perhaps it's a sign that..
you're going mad
mad
mad mad mad
mad
mad
mad mad mad.

prance prance hop hop
a spotted mushroom fairy shop
prance prance hop hop
buttons that say go or stop
prance prance hop hop
see there's where the fairy lies
prance prance hop hop
a million ways to make brains pop.

i'm not crazy
i'm not mad
i am just a little over the top
or maybe i'm the top.

spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning spinning.

i see purple suns and orange clouds and pink pokka dotted cows flying around. i see a field where trumpets play and marshmellows tan themselves all day --> self-roasted marshmallows!

come play, they say
join the world of wonderland
come play, they say
come join us today!

dance in wild abandonment, lead the moves astray.
one foot in the realm of dreams, another in reality.

reality. reality. the heavy weight of reality.
the ton that's pulled along by your dancing feet.
a languid shuffling of the feet. a conscious out of darkness peeps.
it's time for sleep.

Consider Paul and his life.
How his diligence and constant pursuit of areas (be it in the persecution of christians, or in planting God's church) which he's passionate in brings him far.
Consider his preparation for ministry, the knowledge he's had, and his ability to translate this knowledge from the head to the hands.
And consider his perseverance in times of trials and temptations, and his determination to finish what he's started.

At the same time that I see my own potential, I see my own weaknesses (bleagh). I see the possible tug of wars and the possible outcomes. I see the temptations that can draw me away from the potential, as well as possible reactions to such temptations. May the Holy Spirit who gives me insight guide me to my potential as well.

------------------------------------------

As I was writing the script today, I was thinking about how I'm not the most creative person around. Amazed at the vast variety of talents God's creation has.

------------------------------------------

Habbo O.o
LOL.
Mentioned 'cos we were talking about logos and commenting on the 3D perspective one. Kinda evoked a whole line of memories. lol. memories that won't make sense to anyone who don't know habbo or habbolitez. haha!
A small tribute. lol. how shall I start?

.Lise.Falling furniture.Credits.Habbo Club.Habbo Sofas.Habbolitez.eLitez.Charlie's angels.counselling.afking on rollers.stijlistik.masters in architecture.overnight in school cutting up models.stickychewychocobabey.basbaby.mwammy.nieeniee.platodino.jasbunny.firestarter.JST.joearies.shub.fudgie.otokonohito.hosayboh.korkor.dentist.rongfang.sonyaray.preAmt. deejaying.admin of habbolitez.pixels.building rooms.latenight deejaying.dragons.appledoe.knowing sulake people personally.banning.jiayan.sharkiedo.photoshop.latenight talks.sleeping at 6am.

two room photos below. one is a project i've never completed. the other is a room i'm proud of. both are a terrible waste of money and show bad stewardship of finance =]


The above room costs more than a hundred sing dollars to build. I'm lazy to count how much exactly.


Not counting the stickies, the teleport, the two ducks and the photos, the flowers and the candles cost S$35.10 in all.

wah. really a waste of money. O.o
Okay. that's all :) the one and only tribute to habbo and litez. lol. thanks for the spiciness in people relations (ranging from married couples to bgr problems) and the many things i've learned!

I just heard someone whose sound texture is very similar to Jeremy's!

Tempting job (to me) below...

VWO Name : Samaritans Of Singapore

Designation : Programme Executive/Counsellor

Requirements :
* A bachelor's degree preferably in counselling or
social work.
* 2 to 3 years counselling experience.
* Fluent in English and Mandarin (spoken and written), and preferably in some Chinese dialects.
* Has good interpersonal skills and able to work as a team.
* Conversant with MS Words, Excel and PowerPoint.

Description :
* To be involved in client work, especially with persons who have lost someone through suicide, through counseling and group work in Mandarin, and preparation of evaluation reports.
* To assist in volunteer management including training and supervising volunteers, as well as providing support to volunteers.
* To undertake special projects and other duties when assigned.
------------------------------------
There was another one.. with the opportunity to dabble in the area of prisons. hahaa. Sounds interesting, but not so much for me i suppose.
The above job was tempting to me 'cos of the involvement in client work, as well as in volunteer management (which has been increasingly on my mind these days, maybe 'cos of team coaches course. haha).
Power point at macs doesn't work! hahaha. faints.

Macdonalds is really a bad place to settle down and write scripts. Besides trashy music from the overhead playing radio station, there's still jarring music from some other source that threatens to dam up the smooth maple syrupy flow of thoughts that was flowing just a second or two ago.
Wanted to go to hemisphere cafe (nice and quiet to plan and think) but
1) troublesome to travel all the way down to somerset and then travel down to tanjong pagar
2) no power point.

Then, I considered Just Acia, but..
1) too expensive
2) troublesome to travel as well (though not as troublesome as hemisphere.

Afterwhich, I contemplated travelling down to tanjong pagar, but distinctly recalled that there was only burger king at international plaza. ah well.

I figured that Starbucks will be a good place, but I'm worried that I may fall asleep. Again, there's also the budget thing to consider.

So I'm settled in toa payoh macs, in one corner, hogging the only power supply available in the restaurant for laptops and having a fine time typing out this post :) The jarring music has since ceased its intrusion due to termination done on it, and the trashy overhead music has been transformed into something a little more pleasant :)
Thank God.

Written at 10.48pm in Centrepoint Macdonalds.

Of a mind that burns
Of wheels that do not turn
Of thoughts that froze
Of lines that do not flow
A bundle of ideas which
Like a ball of twine
Intertwines.
Jumbled up in its chaotic mess.
An unceasing flame balled up
Concealed in a mass
Yet to be pawed at
Yet to be deciphered
Yet to be cleared and written down.
----------------------------------
Music that jarred my thoughts, adding grit to the wheels of my mind.

................................
Can't stand people who blame everything on other people but don't take a look at themselves and realize that the problem lies in them. Grrrr.

Chi is becoming somewhat of a hindrance to my ministry 'cos
1) he blocks parts of the keyboard..
2) he likes to walk on the keyboard
3) he likes to suckle on my finger, thereby reducing my efficiency and attention by half.
hahaha.
poor cat probably feels neglected ever since maomi started to come into the house again :)

In national library at this moment and feeling sleepy :(
Brain is still trying to adjust to the intensity of activation of neurons after two months of resting. Conk out quite easily these days. lol.

we live in an ungrateful generation.
meaningless! meaningless! everything is meaningless!
a chasing after the wind.
the stable structure which crumbles beneath the weight of arguments.
the selfishness of human beings
who seek to impose what they desire on others.
it's a generation of self gratification. of self indulgence. of self pity.
it's the generation of the self.

Heard this song today when I was searching around for songs to update myself...

Can't get the standalone player, so gotta make do with the playlist. Think this song touched my heart. Not because I've lost someone recently, but maybe more of how it evokes memories of loss (especially those from the modules i've studied in the past 2 semesters.. ah.) in my mind.
I think it's times when I remember of these things, that I remember pf why petty things don't matter much to me. Oh well.

Today we learned about volunteer management :) kinda like a follow up from last yr's course.. albeit more practical and more in depth :)
Realized that the class consisted of a picnic of people with the giftings of service, admin, teaching and discernment O.o If i'm not wrong, i was the only one who doesn't have the gift of admin or gift of service as the top 2. lol.
On one hand, it makes me wonder why i'm in a course for team track.. on another hand, it shows that you don't have to be a person with the natural giftings in that area to serve in that area :) (e.g. you don't have to be a person with the gift of teaching to teach. you don't have to be a person of intellectual pathway to read up :)
yay.
I remember how i really didn't like counter after the payment thing comes into its task profile('cos i hated to deal with money). so i brought in the pastoral side of things. thank God for how he's changed the counter along the way :) think it's more balanced now. thank God also for the people who have a passion in this area :)
hmmm.
we also evaluated one of the most wellrated recruitment advertisement in the world nowadays.. haha. google's recruitment advertisement! hahahaa. it can be found here!. Take a look at it and learn :D it's targetted at female engineers btw.
steven also introduced to us a free software online which caught my attention from the first moment he started to use it.. :D it's a mindmap software. (sorry, softwares make me happy. hurhur. so does beautiful firefox customizations:D). Search freemind on google and download away :)
Speaking of Steven, was quite amazed that he remembers me from 5 years ago. he remembers that i was in media (until i transferred over to youth.. transition to tertiary rendered no changed in ministry as i was heading the tertiary side then).
lol. my first ministry :) haha.

I was quite tempted to download a rpg just now to play.. but figured that i won't have enough time. lol.

Random:

I also want to be the angel! :(
(it's more important to be accountable to God than liked by pple. sounds harsh ah. hahaha)

Swensen's has a 9.90 deal for all food items (except for crayfish pasta, party platter and main courses) and free flow of soft drinks (choose between grape, sprite and coke).

i missed manmi's and meiyun's convocation today 'cos of sowing :S lol.

Met up with (from left)weezi, yileng, fungi and huiyuan yesterday at ricetable. lol. supposed to have more pple.. but well :)
i told them i'll blog about yileng's scandalous questions, but on second thought, it's probably not very good :) (she had quite a few. the mildest of which include asking about having flings out of a relationship.) ha ha ha. was gonna say something along the lines of 'what if she jia bu chu qu after this', but then i figure that won't happen XD lol.
fungi a.k.a lieutenant chew is going to brunei for her training soon. woohoo. have fun:)
hmmm. weezi's going on to masters. whahaa. so fast.
and huiyuan's going to nie!:)
so fast too :)

Should there be a day, someday
where darkness choose to come and stay
when light doth fades, when madness bades,
i still believe You'll make a way

should there be a night, just might,
where dawn seems not to be in sight
when cold winds blow, when shadows show
i still believe it'll come - Your light.

I don't have to wait
Till what's written and said
Comes to pass before my eyes
But by a faith
By foundations laid
I trust in you through lows and highs

I'll be calm and sedate
I will not hesitate
To turn away from deception and lies
And seek your face
Listen to what you say
I'll take hold of truth, be changed by it all my life.

Copyright: xinying. 210708. 2.57am

Random thoughts that have been in my mind..
-----------------------------------
going back to my favourite psalm...
My flesh and my heart may fail
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever:)
amen.
sometimes i feel like doing a Jonah when difficulties come, but God calls us to be a Joshua at times like this.
sometimes i feel like just doing a Mary, sitting down, listening. or Mary of the alabaster jar.. adoring the King with the little that i have. but at some of these times God reminds me of Aaron.
-----------------------------------
being in the education department is quite enjoyable :) hahaha.
it gives me the reason to read books. picking up books make me happy 'cos
1) i can read fast (thank God!)
2) i like to gather knowledge (intellectual pathway :P)
3) sometimes it's my excuse for procrastination (okayokay. i will repent in this:)
word for life also makes me happy. lol. thoroughly enjoyed the word recent wfl session by wj because it touched on doctrines(!) and doctrines spark off something inside me. kinda like the soul singing :)
praise and worship allows my soul to sing too :)
-----------------------------------
David is my favourite bible character. lol.
(quite random. i think 'cos recently just transferred to yp. and yp's leader is David. so it kinda always reminds me of David in the bible as well.)
he's my favourite bible character 'cos i identify with him :) lol. maybe not in the lusting after bathsheba and being a shepherd boy part... but in his cries to God, in his exuberance before God, in the beauty of psalms while talking to God. in his freedom to dance before God, in his intricate and honest attention to the emotions felt before God, in the uplifting of spirits everytime after singing to God...
His intimacy with God is something which i hope to continually grow in as well :)
----------------------------------
haha. i wonder if Jitsy'll be surprised when she comes back and finds that we're not in the same ministry anymore.. lol.
----------------------------------
still not used to being taken care of :)
----------------------------------

/Calm the storms that drench my eyes
Dry the streams still flowing
Cast down all the waves of sin
And guilt that overthrow me/
----------------------------------
i know you noticed :\
----------------------------------

Finished "A brother's journey" by Richard R. Pelzer today.. haha. it's not as interesting as i thought it'd be.. but i guess mortifying all the same.
it's about child abuse. yup. anyone who wants to borrow the book can borrow it from me:)
watched 'a dark knight' with og Japan today as well :) hahaha. Joker's sadism was both fascinating and appalling. hahaa. oh.. but his way of doing things was really quite ingenious. literally a brilliant mind gone mad :) loved the gadgets of batman as well:) hahaa.

The importance of being Ernest is a quaint little comedy which whips things into a smooth and well blended ending. enjoyed the play quite a lot while reading it :) if you've not read it before, can try.. hahaa. it's quite amusing.

hehe :) chi is somewhere in the living room, running about now :)
hmmm. have been putting off the post on the hongkong trip 'cos
1) too sleepy to type anything substantial
2) wondering how to bring it across
3) found it relatively troublesome to add a nice border to my hongkong photos :) haha. i have no idea why people get a natural border ard theirs when they upload onto blogger. did you add some script or something? O.o
at any rate, let me share some comments on it :)

i think it was a very frustrating trip. hahaha. (not tt it was of any laughing matter during the trip itself.) i really missed the company of the hope people :)
frustrating 'cos of my family. hahaa. i have quite a dysfunctional family (not that i'm anywhere near perfect..). hahaa. i don't look down on them, or hate them, or complain about being born into this family (i used to last time.. but gradually understood that God has a purpose for putting me in this family.. :). there are times when i genuinely loved the individuals of the family.. times when i felt like strangling them.. and times when i just needed to pray for them.
family gatherings (or dinners together) stress me out because it usually ends in a quarrel. has been like this for the gatherings involving the whole family for the past few years.
it's okay if it's just me and my mum.. or me and my parents.. but put the whole family together and you'll have conflict. hahaa.
so putting the whole family together for 5 days was a disastrous move (but good that i can know my family more as well:)
my dad is a very blur dad. and quite outdated as well. he's pretty knowledgeable about the roads in singapore, about vehicles and about fishes.. but anything other than that, he kinda has not much knowledge about it. and that includes travelling in other countries. so throughout the trip, he'll ask questions. some of them make sense. some of them don't make sense. both irritate my mum and my sister. the ones that don't make sense irritate me. the ones that do, i explain to him.
my mum. she paid for the entire trip. thank God for her:) hmmm. she is more world-wise (if there's such a word), so she just trusts me and my sister to do the procedures which she doesn't understand ('cos they're in english). she's the most pleasant travelling companion in my family. lol.
my younger sister likes to throw tantrums when things do not go her way :P she threw at least 3 tantrums a day during the holiday. she's quite likeable when she's not throwing tantrums though. hahaa. i like her better when she's not throwing tantrums.
i spent most of my energy during the trip reminding myself about my identity, as well as resolving irritable emotions within myself to ensure that i do not allow anger to get over me. got myself quite tired during the trip but at least i got to know my family's style a bit more. 3rd to 5th day was better, 'cos i learned to let my sister finish throwing her tantrum before taking over from there (especially in finding places).
yup:)
will upload some photos here soon. hmmm. don't exactly like the photos in the first day 'cos i felt tt some of the photos were quite artificial... since my family looks cosy in those few seconds but go their seperate ways after the photo. but oh well:)
hopefully one day the photos will really reflect what's happening in reality:)

Choleric is my new middle name (not that I have one :D)
Completing tasks is my new favourite game (hurhur)
and... task orientedness shall be my aim.

Oh well.
Not exactly.. trying to psycho myself=] hahaa. Got lots to accomplish these days (even when school hasn't started and I'm not working..). Looking forward to the completion of these things=] mainly things to be started and things to be planned out:)
Recently learned about project management in team coaches course:) it's quite a new field to me.. this thing about project management. I feel that it's quite a delicate balance between overseeing deadlines and being concerned about small details:)
Learned about the difference between being concerned about something and being worried about something:) How it's okay to be concerned.. but God calls us not to be worried about anything, but how we should, in prayer and petition present our requests to God:) Paul was always concerned about the church.. about the growth of the church (sending people to the church, writing letters to them), but he was not worried about them (he entrusted the church to God. He thanked God for the church). I think it's a fine line to draw ba:)
When we're concerned, we look forward. When we're worried, we look inwards.
-----------
Had YP1's second caregroup today!:) hahaa.
Was at fairfield methodist.. fairfield methodist was the place in which we had team captain's course=] ain't it fast how one year's passed? We've not set into momentum what we've planned out for counter last year.. haha. due to unforseen circumstances:)
was walking past the classrooms at the third level when i got reminded of a subdistrict (when zewei was still our sdl) long time ago (right before jesse joined us from youth.. heh) hahaa. fairfield contains interesting memories.
[at this moment, the silly chi is playing with the big furry mouse which is half of his size. hahaha. so funny.]
hmmm. played guitar for caregroup.
playing guitar for cg always makes me want to faint. hahaa. my love-hate relationship with my beautiful kal (that's the name of my guitar) remains. it swings like between love and hate, depending on whether there's a need for me to touch it or not. lol. I usually run away from him when it comes near the time for me to have to touch him, then fall in love with him once again...
[chi is trying to bite the keyboard... `and my finger on the keyboard..]
i love the sound of the guitar. i love to hear it resonate. i love it more when the person playing is not me. hahahaa.
can't type properly now tt chi is trying to get onto the keyboard. update more soon=]

hehe. received an email today.. something unexpected. whahaa.

lol. i think i've sent some more future emails to some other pple. i just dun remember who. haha

I feel so tired. haha.
Physically tired out after spending the whole day at disneyland :)
Emotionally slightly tired out after having to spend these few days with my family. lol. spending time with my family is exhausting, frustrating, and sometimes excruciating. put four stubborn people and easily hot tempered people together and you'll get a very frustrating trip. lol. have to keep reminding myself of my identity in Christ, as well as to remind myself that everyone's got weaknesses. lol. It doesn't help that my family seems to like to adopt the policy (i just realized recently) of throwing a tantrum and pretending nothing has happened after that O.o I'd want to talk it out, but they'll be like 'don't talk about it anymore.' ah well.
but there've been fun moments as well =] mostly during times of food and times of rides during disneyland. lol.
hmmm...
camera's run out of space after taking too many photos.. and i lost michelle's camera cover. i. am. so. dead. :\
lol.
ever since i came to the hotel, my only heart desire is to sit on my queen sized beds, cover myself with the comforter, prop myself up with the 2 huge pillows and read the books i've brought. lol. through the day or something...
but my parents and sister want to walk. walk. walk. walk. walk.
primarily 'cos i've been here before and they haven't. lol. so to them, this holiday is kinda like.. a holiday for sightseeing, for fun and laughter.
to me, i just want a holiday.. as in.. a nice comfortable break. haha.
i feel old :l wanting to stay indoors instead of going outdoors on a holiday. lol.

At changi airport right now using their free wireless service while the rest of the family are enjoying foot massage.
Going around with them tires me out. lol. but interesting la.

At changi airport right now using their free wireless service while the rest of the family are enjoying foot massage.
Going around with them tires me out. lol. but interesting la.

oh yes. thank God for carrie, jeremy and benaiah. haha.
they brightened up my whole first time experience :) hahaa.
learned a lot from them as well. hahaa.

I'm blogging at this unearthly hour because my sister wants me to help her burn a CD.
gosh. was so tired out tonight that 2am felt like 5am to me.
I took a nap before i bathed because i was too tired to get out of my chair and bed.. and all i could manage was to get onto bed and sleep. (with my fingers stretched out so that chi can suckle on them)
Then woke up a while later to bathe and burn the disc.
lol.
thank God for ... guanrui! that he took care of chi in the past for me :) and that he still remembers chi. hehee.
thank God for ... huanyan! who offered to help take care of chi for the following week, but couldn't 'cos of his mum. but it's alright:) could see your heart. thanks anyway.
thank God for ... everyone else who offered to help one way or another but couldn't take care of Chi :) thanks to you anyway.
thank God for ... qimin! who readily opened up his house to chi :) hahaa. waiting for him to ask his parents and his maid (hope she's not scared of kittens!) lol.
yup.
i seriously have no idea how some people can juggle between taking care of a child, work, ministry, family.. lol. they have my utmost respect.
-----------------
first time on stage today :) observing a worship practice and really being a backup singer is really quite different. lol.
blessed by donald on thursday when he treated the worship team to supper! hahaa. i was asking him why he decided to treat us.. and he shared that he got his first pay and that he wanted to use some of it to treat the worship team. i can't remember what i said after that, but he added on to say that now i'm in the worship team as well.
wow.
such an interesting thought. the understanding that i'm in the worship team has not yet quite sunk in yet. lol.
i think being on stage is an interesting experience. all of a sudden, i don't know what to do with my hands. when you're in the audience worshipping and praising God, you can jump around, lift up your hands, wave them around. when i was on stage, i suddenly felt like i had too many hands (i still have 2 btw). hahaha. all i wanted to do was to hold the mic and sing. hahaha.
hmmm. worship was a short experience. it started when i closed my eyes, and ended when i opened them. lol.
i think during the heart preparation time before going on stage, i got reminded once again (out of the many times in the past week) that perfect love drives out fear. this verse came back again and again. lol. so i made the prayer for the love of God, the love of worship and the conviction that worship can touch and change people's lives (i sincerely believe this) to be the motivating force as to why i sing on stage.
the audience of one was what i was reminded of as well.
and during worship, i just prayed. prayed for God to move in the congregation. the reminder of how the stage ministers must worship before they can lead the congregation to worship God.
it really was an enjoyable experience :) hahaa. looking forward to the next chance! (if i can get through the probation. haha!)
just a bit worried that i may not be able to spend time during service with my caregroup.. what with the hongkong trip coming up, as well as the consecutive counter duties due to swopping of duty with crystal and the case. ah. really hope the case closes soon. so many things at a standstill in the ministry for a period of time because of it. worried about it 'cos of the splitting of service soon as well.

Some relatively random stuff :)

I won 16000 on pulltabs! on yizhong's tab. lol.



And I realized something new on hotmail:



Probably drags all the files to some funny folder...

I have a fussy kitten on my hands.
lol.
After feeding him with tuna and other delicacies (e.g. aloe vera, salmon, chicken) for two weeks or so, he's now fussing over his food and decides to abandon the dry biscuit form for normal kittens.
I guess that's why sometimes it's not good to indulge your pet. Probably works the same for human beings as well. Pamper too much and they get uncomfortable with discipline. Let them run loose and they think they know everything. Pride comes in. Self-centeredness comes in. And then they start to think they have the right to feel that way, forgetting how from the start it was never their right in the first place. That from the start they have been a stray, and it was only because of grace given that they can have what they have today.
Thankfulness ah. It's an important thing for all of us to have.
Even for cats:)

Was telling Justin today during the 5 min technical break for team coaches course that we stole their leader. haha. Justin's remark actually opened a perspective that I haven't really been considering much.
He very honestly and sincerely said something along the lines of "ya lor. can feel their absence greatly in the CG..."
Perhaps along the way, even as the people who're moving on to YP group learn to adjust to the new environment, this group of people may have forgotten that there are three other people are adjusting to this new environment too. That's it's not just us who are dealing with changes, it's not just us learning to be open to new ideas or new things coming our way, it's not just us who are vulnerable at this stage of transition as well.
And it's certainly not just us who're missing their original caregroup, or the friends they have in the ministry before this.
Everyone is adjusting. And everyone has people who miss them. Everyone has people whom they miss.
I think it's a small reminder to me (and hopefully to whoever reads this) that in times of transition when we tend to be more self-centered and tend to be more inward looking, waiting to see how people can meet our needs (sometimes having that inward misunderstanding that people should meet our needs), hopefully we will not forget that everyone is going through transition at this moment as well.
Let's take care of each other together.

There was a young boy who played with the traffic lights. He got bored, so he ran out onto the road. Just then, a car came zooming by. The father saw, ran to hug the boy and got hit instead.
And he died.
But the boy survived.

When I came back today, I saw a wake at the block beside mine. A little surprised, considering that it wasn't there earlier on.
The sacrifice of a father for his son.

I like to remember dates!:) I'm quite bad at birth dates though. Dates that are significant to me are easier to remember. If your birthday falls in the same month as mine, it's easier for me to remember too :) haha.
30th June, 5 years ago, was the day that I became a member of Hope Church Singapore!:) haha. okay. not important to anyone out there...
Yesterday Jiali mentioned reading an entry long time ago when i didn't even know her name. hahaa. I think for me blogging serves two purposes - for archiving/memory's sake, as well as for the sharing of ideas and beliefs:) Remembering dates and blogging them down is kinda my way of replicating Israel's building of a stone structure in remembrance of the times God moved in their lives.
-------------
ACTScalibre camp was an interesting experience:) I realized that
1) I'm super unfit! hahaa. Running around on the first night with Peru has caused me to throw my hands up in desperation and give up running, while at the same time shouting to them to go forth before me to get their two gold medals. hahaha.
2) I can get quite irritated at people who don't listen to instructions. Perhaps I take it a little too personally:)Can learn much from Derek who calmly referees and saves his voice. lol.
3) I miss my tan. lol. The colour I am now used to be the colour I was at a few years ago! hahaa. Don't know why people don't like tans :) haha. Maybe 'cos it's not very good for the skin ba.
4) I'm actually quite scared to sing. HAHA. On Saturday night, when Derek was practicing with Manmi for the song presentation, and subsequently when Huili asked if the song can be more coloured and Derek pointed to me to sing with him 'cos I just happened to be free to write the last line of the song and sing with them then, I was like O.O and was thinking 'noooooooooo.... my voice is not good.' lol.
Derek reminded me that it's not so much about the voice, but rather the passion in singing :)

Really thank God for the presentation. I think all four of us have our own inadequacies and we were all quite scared (because of various things). But thank God that it went well.. experienced the grace that came along. I was having a sore throat (a painful one) 'cos I was eating fillet o fish before the presentation. LOL. I totally didn't expect a sore throat. My voice was not opened and it's not in the best of condition, but i wasn't having a sore throat before that. haha. And i was still having a sore throat when I went up with them to sing.
Imagine my amazement when I realized I could reach the high notes. And imagine my amazement when I realized that my throat was perfectly well after singing. lol
Grace that covered over the weaknesses of human beings who have the desire to glorify Him :)

Thank God for the chance to know people better too :) and to see how people are rising up to the challenges put ahead of them.
It's amazing when people move. it's amazing when God moves.

My life revolves around two males these days.

The first is old. Very old.
He has been since the beginning of time. In fact, He's the beginning and the End.
He holds my future in His hands.
He never lets go of my right hand.
He saw me when I was being formed and He knows when I will die.
I learn to love because He first loved me.
He is the reason why I sing.
And the reason why I do the things I do.
Without Him, I can't live. I may be alive, but I will not be living.

The second is young. Very young.
I was not with him at the beginning. I wonder if I can be with him at his end.
He can't hold much in his hands.
Sometimes he'll jump onto my right hand and refuse to let go of biting it.
I was here before he was formed. I will probably still be here when he dies.
I learn to love his species over the years.
Sometimes I'll sing to him and wonder if he can listen.
I do things that tire me out at times because of him.
He lives with me, sleeps with me and eats with him when I'm in the house.

When I take care of the second, I sometimes get a glimpse of how the first takes care of me. I start to understand a little bit more of the first's feelings, of His concern, of His love, of His discipline even when i love, discipline and am concerned about the second.

yup.
a short excerpt about the two males in my life:)
Jesus and Chi.

lol chi is suckling on my finger now. He hasn't done it in a while:) no idea why he suddenly started it again. lol.
it greatly reduced my typing speed. haha.
Got to know the YP structure yesterday. the news came as a surprise, considering that I sincerely thought I was gonna be in Jan's group and has thus mentally prepared myself for it.
I don't like going through major changes without much mental preparation :/ changes in pastoral ministry is already something relatively unpleasant for me, unexpected change is worse.
lol
for me, the news took a while to sink in.. it's not properly sunk in yet, but reality is baring its fangs at me and forcing me to acknowledge the imminent danger that faces me.
got the chance to talk a little to florence on the way back :) thank God for her. I remember my heart feeling much lighter after conversing with her :)
heh
chi just fell asleep on my finger. haha
can't type much now due to a little handicap.. will share more (whatever is appropriate in person ba:)

You know, I was never very impressed with people who are
1) big shots/ celebrities
2) working/studying in famous places (e.g. google/cambridge)
3) or have high ranks in schools/work places.

It's not that I glaze over their achievements, or I'm trying to make myself feel better, or that I don't acknowledge that they have characteristics that we can learn from (or yes. please learn from them)..
it's just that.
I'm just not impressed. lol.
It could be due to a drilling by my mum from the time when I was young "celebrities are just human beings!" or it could be due to the over-exposure of smart and famous people in close proximity for four years.
To me, they're just human beings. The same as you and me. The same human being who has sin (be it pride, lust, greed..) and has a God shaped hole in the heart.

I think taking care of pets is for rich people.. especially people who are above middle class...
I'm a poor owner who can't even bring my kitten to the vet for deworming, checkups and vaccination :(
cry.

lol.
my younger sister became an SIA air stewardess too.
--------------------------------------------------
nygep 10th anniversary on the 28th. lol.
i can't go!!!

oh yah btw.
hello chiew :)
hello claramae :)
lol

... fear and trembling ...
... rawness ...
... breakthrough in growth ...

These were some of the things that went through my mind even as I had dinner with the YP group people :) haha. Think it's a really new pastoral ministry. Exciting to know that I'm part of the pioneer batch of people in this ministry (haha.. was sharing to Stella how it's so cool she came in for a while and am able to participate in pioneering this ministry le) and exciting 'cos this group of people is quite different from the uni group :) hahaa.
hmm. i guess in a way, the people in this group are spiritually more mature. hahaa. And all of a sudden, i think i feel very young! hahaha. and in that I really pray for a breakthrough in growth.. in the ability to think, the ability to connect the principles to working experiences, the ability to build upon my past experiences as well. An experiential love from God which enables me to know Him in a new manner.
and i was thinking about how i'm not working yet! hahaha.
so it is with fear and trembling (lol. for the first time) that i approach this ministry:)
rawness in the relationships ba=] but really thank God for the people... very friendly. hahaha. we'll prob step on each others' toes later on, but feel quite comfortable at this moment :)
hope we all continue to grow together=]

I've been greatly blessed by the people around me these days. It's like God showering grace upon me when I least expect it. Blessed by the sharings of people.. blessed by the company of people, blessed financially by people.
Blessed to be a blessing, as they always say.

I have a love-hate relationship with the uni ministry.
It brought about many low points in my life, along with the many highs.
It was the ministry I saw the ugly sides of me, and the ministry which I saw these ugly sides change in God's grace.
It gave me tears. Lots of them.
It brought me joy and showed me a glimpse of the potential which I can grasp.
It changed my perspective of leaders in the church, and changed it again.
There was so much pain. And then there were so many opening of doors I never knew existed.

I first joined the university service on the 18th of June 2005, into the CG of NUSA2. I still remember the sunflower given to me. When I came in, Jiexian was the CL, and I was shepherdless for 3 months. lol.



And then michelle rose up as the CL. And Zhenzhong joined us from Adults.. and CG looked like this...



And then Kinwee moved on. And people joined us... and at our last service as a CG, we looked like this...



And then there was a new CG :) NUSC1. led by Jiadai who led us in a time of finger painting to start off the group...



This CG saw a lot of changes too.. The people who left/moved on (Kaili, Yishyan, and Guo Xiong) and the people who joined us (Yizhong, Jalea, JianKai, Jonathan, Esther, Jeekai, Tim), as well as the people who joined, then moved to other groups (Jesse and Shuyi).

And in a sense, when we discussed the farewell for the group, we felt that it was only apt that we ended off with hand painting.. Sort of as a momento to our group, as well as a timely reminder of how far the group has come in just one year after it was formed.

And then some people were taken out of the group to do greater things in other groups, some of us remained.. and Guanzhen joined us. And we remained as NUSC1 :) It has been interesting in the past few weeks. Hehe.

Say the word.. And I will sing for You
Over oceans deep I will follow
If each star was a song
Every breath of wind praise
It will still fail by far to say
All my heart contains
I simply live for You

And after a few months of wondering, a few weeks of asking God for direction and a few days of praying and intensely seeking for a clear direction, the choice was made.

And I thank God how even after I've made the choice, affirmation of the choice was given by God, that even as others were praying for me, the same resounding choice remained.
And I'm amazed at how God's will eventually comes to pass in my life and in another sister's life.. despite certain decisions made earlier on.

It's time to move on:)

ah.
chi keeps puking.
it's very worrying :l
i bought baby wipes to clean his body, but it stink. so i think imma go throw the wipes away.
chi puked on my shirt, puked on my bed, puked on my bolster and puked in the box it plays in.
ahhh. gao meng ah.

Oh btw,
here's chi :)


And his new toilet litter area :)

Before my short term memory catches up on me and I forget the details of the camp.

Day 1 of camp! (heh. Jesse has already written down a post from her perspective. This will be more of a recount of what happened, as well as things from my perspective. lol :)

Beautiful morning on the day that we set off :) hahaa. Haven't woken up so early in a long time...


Nice?:) Took this picture while I was waiting for my dad to drive my to Newton's circle.. haha. Lazy daughter.
Actually, I remember thinking to myself that it's probably faster for me to take a train down to Newton's circle than to wait for my dad to drive me.
Ah well :)

Loitered around at Newton's circle for a while... bought breakfast, took pictures. Felt interesting 'cos you don't see the usual uni group people around. hahaa. Interesting and a little scared at the same time.
It's quite amusing 'cos I was thinking about how I don't know most of the people there.. haha. Oh well:) Can make friends along the way.. haha.

Long bus ride:) Manmi was my seat partner:) hehe. Quite amazed by the speed of the customs.. haha. The white piece of paper for declaration of goods is no longer needed! It really makes a difference.. the speed of processing through the customs. The removal of that piece of paper and the airconditioning of the customs makes it a more enjoyable experience to enter Malaysia. haha. At least it gave me a better impression and enticed me to want to enter Malaysia in the near future :) lol.
Took pictures of lovely people on the bus. hahaa. I realized I took them in pairs. Can take a look at who was sitting with who :)



[On an extra note.. Picasa is horrendous. It doesn't allow me to do borders. How troublesome.]

Lol.

We used to have a pair of devils on the bus, sitting in front of us (namely Jesse and Huili..)


But as we got nearer and nearer to Shah Alam, and further and further away from Singapore...


Okay. ignore me :)
The bus ride was full of funny songs. lol. Some of which became characteristic of the future YP group. It usually involves cows. Don't ask.
Hmm. I remember something quite vividly during the bus ride though.. Think I was commenting on something, and David was asking 'who's the 'them'?' It happened twice while I was talking. Guess I gotta make my speech clearer and to ascertain more keenly the source of what I listen to in the future as well. That's something I learned from him that day :) lol.
Lunch was at Serimbun (hope I got the spelling right). It's pretty funny 'cos the lights were off when we went into the restaurant. At first I sincerely believed that they're going to present the dishes out with a dramatic entrance (the kind whereby waiters and waitresses present dishes with one hand and come out in a row... the kind in which a candle exists in the middle of the dish..) Well, it turned out that the government switched off the power (we have no idea why). So we have no aircon and no lights for the rest of our lunch.
Ironically, the lights came back after lunch.
hurhur. lol.

That's tracy.. our beautiful transfer guide of the day :) She's very friendly. hahaa. Apparently she's been in this line for a long time.. Seems keen on sharing with us about the upcoming fruit season in Malaysia :) haha. quite a genuine person:) Enjoyed her presence with us..
On a random note, I'm fascinated with hills. Don't ask me why. I think it's probably 'cos we don't have them in Singapore. hahaa.
Pictures of distant hills in Malaysia. All taken while the coach was still moving happily along the road :)

Okay. I'm running out of thoughts and running out of sober-ness (if there's such a word. Getting sleepy.
Tuition tomorrow:) Will update more when I'm more awake. (if the time ever comes that there'll be a time when I'm more awake:)

Watching Welcome to NHK at this moment. It's quite an unique anime. hehe. At first it seems quite random and all.. but the more you watch, the more things are revealed. it's pretty interesting once you look past its otaku culture. lol:)

lol.
back from camp :)
I had LOTS of ideas during the camp as to how to structure the blog entry.. but fatigue is pulling me away :) haha.
Really a blessed camp. a renewal of spirit and heart for most of us.. a time when we see God's hand move through instant healing, prophecies, interpretation of tongues, prophetic prayers and conversion.
Share more when I'm more free:)
Empowered, reassured and well rested!

I was so surprised tonight when ej msned me and passed me the youtube link. hahaa. I'm surprised that
1) he rememebers me!
2) he remembers my nick! (he calls me cheese. don't ask why)
3) he remembers which year i'm in! wah.
lol.
and all i remember is that he's ej and he wanted to bake bread outside schools. hahaha. i'm so horrigible. (horrible and incorrigible).
hahaha.
ej is one of my most unlikely friend. mainly because i only got to know him because someone i liked likes him. wahaha. so being the one who always likes to back out if the person i like likes someone else, i wanted to help to get them together.
oh well :)
he's a good guy!:)

Suddenly got the craving for Bjork's songs.
lol.
First heard of her when I borrowed 'Dancer in the Dark' by Lars Von Trier from the NLB video collection. (on a sidenote: Lars is the one who destroyed my innocence. lol). One of my songs in the movie can be found here. The music can be heard here:

My favourite scene comes from her singing 'my favourite things':)

Was quite encouraged yesterday when I heard that God sent people into your life to love only because He knows you have the capacity to love them.
So if God sends lots of people into your life, it means that He's given you the capacity to love these people.
so God, expand my heart as well :)

took this from one of my older blogs:

THE TOUCH OF THE MASTER'S HAND
Author Unknown

Well it was battered and scarred, and the auctioneer felt It was hardly worth his while, to waste much time on the old violin. But he held it up with a smile... "It sure ain't much but it's all we got left, I guess we ought to sell it too... Now who'll start the bid on this old violin, just one more and we'll be through."

And then he cried, "One! Give me one dollar! Who'll make it two? Only two dollars! Who'll make it three? Three dollars twice! Now that's a good price... now who's got a bid for me? Raise up your hand and don't wait any longer. The auction's about to end. Who's got four? Just one dollar more... to bid on this old violin."

Well the air was hot and the people stood around. As the sun was setting low, from the back of the crowd a gray-haired man came forward, picked up the bow. He wiped the dust from the old violin, and tightened up the strings... Then he played out a melody pure and sweet... sweeter than the angels sing.

And then the music stopped... and the auctioneer with a voice that was quiet and low, he said, "What am I to bid for this old violin? " Then he held it up with a bow.

And then he cried, "One! Give me one thousand! Who'll make it two? Only two thousand! Who'll make it three? Three thousand twice! Now that's a good price... but who's got a bid for me? The people cried out, "What made the change? We don't understand" Then the auctioneer stopped and he said with a smile, "It was the Touch of A Master's Hand"

Now you know many a man with a life out of tune is battered and scarred with sin and he's auctioned cheap to a thankless world, much like that old violin. Then the Master comes, and the foolish crowd. They never understand The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought, just by one touch of THE MASTER'S HAND.

Recently have been thinking about quite a lot of stuff. including, but not exclusive to, families (in general), marriage (no. i'm not thinking about getting marriage. just the topic of marriage in general), relationships (including bgr, friendships, relationships between brothers and sisters..), ministers, revival, passion, taking care of children (in part due to taking care of chi, who is like a child...), future direction, personal growth, ministry, studies..
quite a myriad of items.
Made a few decisions which could potentially affect my ministry and career, though it may not. In a sense, I'm glad there's a small resolution to this uncertainty for half a year, in another sense, I still wonder if it's the right choice to make.
But I'm sure God will make it certain, seeing how He's delivered me through all the different stations in my life.
My relationship with God is very similar to David's (i find). No, I'm not a shepherd boy. No, I'm not called to be a king. But I identify with David in his madness for God. I understand how it feels to be unashamed before the Lord, dancing before Him with abandon, against the odd views of other people. I identify with David's psalms, his anguish, his sorrows, his exuberance, his exaltation of God. I have tasted a little bit of how David feels when God delivered Him, when God gave him victory over his enemies, a little bit of the anguish he feels. Emotionally, I've tasted the extreme high and the extreme low. And the haste in which they come and go.
Psalm 73 used to be a psalm which speaks very much into my heart. I used to identify with it quite well. The whole psalm in fact. lol. Now not so much. We all grow from glory to glory, and so I've moved on as well.
But some verses which always stay with me/I remember well are verses 21-26
"When my heart was grieved,
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me into your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever."
Amen.
And alongside the verse, I'll remember of how the same words I've told Joycelyn in the past reminded me of this truth when she shares why she does things...
that God will never shortchange me in what I do.
He won't shortchange you too.
And I always remember of how in the bible, God keeps the tears that we cry in a bottle. (Upon much searching, I realized that I first read this verse in the new living translation bible that I have.. it's not in NIV.. so presenting to you.. the NLT version)
Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
"You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
What a personal God we have!
And that is, I guess, part of the reason that allows me to continue on. Knowing that I'm working hard for my taps in heaven (eternal rewards), loving God back out of His love or me, knowing that I can never outgive God (remembering the story of the little girl who exchanged fake pearls for real ones..) and knowing that all that I go through is recorded (He remembers, He's written them down.)
Sometimes it hurts.
Sometimes I wonder why I must do certain things.
Sometimes I look back (though the bible did say that those who look back are not fit for Christian service. hee.)
Sometimes I deliberately, defiantly ask God to go away and not to bother me.
Sometimes I get tired and don't feel like doing anything.
Sometimes I just want to be left alone.
We all feel this way... sometimes.
But at the end of the day, yetI am always with God. He holds us by our right hands, never letting us go.
It's just whether we know He's there or not.

Chi ate chicken!
Chi ate chicken!
Chi ate chicken!
LOL
Was eating a chicken wing and decided to feed him some meat for the fun of it. He ate it!
oh my gosh.
and he likes it!
Oh man. I hope he doesn't get diarrhoea. lol

And some idiot dare to tell my mum that psychology is not a good course to take.
I felt like smacking the person.
If psychology is not important, so is medicine.
People don't see the importance of mental health 'cos it's something which you do not see the physical symptoms of.. but little do they know that mental health (and human behaviour) affects ALL aspects of your life. It can affect human functioning and your ability to excel, it can affect a person's mental construct and the ability to think rationally, it can even affect a person physically (psychosomatic symptoms, phantom illness).
gee.

My mum is mad.
I told her that I'm taking another sem, she asks me why I'm not taking another year.
Then I told her that there's no use since I won't be getting honours anyway.
Then I mentioned that you can study up to 5 years in NUS.. and she asks me why I don't wanna do that.
*faint*