Today is the final culmination of my three trials in one day :) haha. I think I nearly broke when the third thing happened. The first two were exciting enough, the third just blew me away happily.
I have never ever in my whole entire 21 years felt so overwhelmed before. So overwhelmed and limited, yet I don't have the luxury of time to sit down and think through things. People to comfort, people to counsel, quick responses needed. People to meet in an hour's time :) A short time of prayer with God, asking for strength and continual love, asking for God to bless the people around me and the service later and I'm off.
Sermon today really spoke to me:) It comforted me. It broke me down. It gave me the strength I needed. It gave me great assurance. Worship time ministered to me greatly. A broken and contrite heart God will not despise. Praise time ministered to me too. I nearly cried during praise. lol.
Thank You God for moulding me:) Looking forward to a time of greater intimacy and wisdom from You!

A tidal flood of crimson anger.

Today a brother smsed me, giving me the option to choose my own christmas present. hahaa. something that i need. hmm.
i think in a sense, it got me thinking about languages of love? this brother and i both have the same languages of love.. quality time and touch in equal proportion. and i think both of us show love in one similar way - gifts. think in a sense this brother has really blessed me and other sisters and brothers quite an amount for things in the physical.. exam pack, birthday gift, vday roses (-.-) And though I've reminded him a few times that my language of love is not gifts, i think i can see that he really want to bless us and show his love for us, in a way that he is most familiar with. hehe.
so thank God for this brother:)
hope that you'll find another way of loving other people.. or else your savings will decrease dramatically at times of the year. save up for your future!
lol.

Think this song describes quite aptly my relationship with God. hahaha.

"Always have, always will" - Avalon

Part of me is the prodigal
Part of me is the other brother
But I think the heart of me
Is really somewhere between them
Some days I'm running wild
Some days we're reconciled
But I wonder all the while
Why you put up with me, when...

I wrestle most days
To find ways to do as I please

CHORUS
I always have, I always will
You saved me once, You save me still
My longing heart, Your love alone can fil
You always have, always will

I was born with a wayward heart
Still I live with a restless spirit
My soul is so well worn
You'd think I'd have arrived by now
I'm caught in the trappings of
My search for lasting love
I've made mistakes enough
To last me a lifetime

I still slip, I still fall
But I'll always run back to you

CHORUS

I'm gonna keep trusting You
I see what You've seen me through
I'm goin' where You have gone (yeah)
I'm letting You lead me on
All my days (always and forever)
Never far (never leave me never)
Here I'll stay (ever love me ever)
Here's my heart
I'll always love You, love You (yeah)

New specs. New slippers.
Both black.

strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.
this time. striking the shepherd didn't work, so they went to strike the sheep instead.
EVIL!
don't think i'll let you off like this. i won't. the more you strike my sheep, the more i'll strike back.
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

pastor simon eng's sharing also gave me lots of thoughts. caused me to realise quite some stuff i haven't been checking for some time:) hehe.

hehe. think youth 10th anniversary brought about a lot of thoughts in some of us:) jessie wrote out half of my thoughts. i'm not as eloquent, fluid, poetic, creative as her.. but i'll do my best to share my thoughts here:)
went with the rest of pple. similarly was apprehensive about whether to go or not.. 'cos it's like most of the pple you serve with are not in the same grp anymore.. in one sense, i went with the feelings of 'wow. maurise and kim are continually serving strong in their roles as Cls, loving people much more than i did in the past:) and huiqi is back in ne group:) and peixin and yokeling serving in poly group and not in youth anymore, as well as joycelyn serving God fervently in her area of expertise:)' everyone's doing quite well. sengkim, jas, jiali and gwen all in youth. hehe. had this feeling of being slightly lost.. and slightly nostalgic.
it's a ministry which i've had the chance to live my life in for a very short period of time. it's a ministry that saw me through my first convert, first sheep, first cg.. my ministry of 'first's :)
yup. saw very old birds today. haa. saw priscilla, but think she doesn't recognise me anymore. lol. saw yanyan (hahahahaha). saw jason (haven't seen him for a long time). saw timothy (! my first ever ministry leader in youth:). saw pple whom i meet up during birthdays. hohoho. the easta alumni pple o.O
think gwen's hug (first ever in my life) warmed me up quite a bit. hohoh.

-I just want to be
More like You
Walk with You beside me, Lord
Won't You be my guide
Place Your heart inside my soul
One that's ever true
A heart that's after you-

:)

-when i try to talk to you,
i feel like i'm not getting through to you
where did we go wrong
it's hard to be strong
when i talk to you-

mel-ing. and thinking of things i shldn't be thinking about. haha.
quite silly ah. like how you know there're paths you're not supposed to lead yourself down, but you still allow yourself to be led down because of feelings. and you know in the long term it's not beneficial to you because the same thing in the past has caused you to falter before.
like how David's foot slipped even as he allowed himself to be tempted.

-Is it fair to say I was lured away?
By endless distractions and lovelier attractions then
Or fairer still, my own free will
Is the better one to blame
For this familiar mess I've made again

So I would understand, if You were out of patience
And I would understand, if I was out of chances

Your mercies are new every morning
So let me wake with the dawn
When the music is through or so it seems to be
Let me sing a new song, old things gone
Every day it's true, You make all Your mercies new-

God. i wonder what You'll say to silly me now. haha.

exhausted. haha.

hehehe. no inspiration to write. the lines that come out of my hands feel too heavy or serious :S
ah. i don't know how parents feel towards their children :S
went on youtube to watch videos of enchanted :)
click here for one of my favourites. hehe. the one with lots of cockroaches XD

I feel
busier. than in the last 2 weeks of exams. hahaa.
last 2 weeks of exams i still have time to watch anime.
now i don't have time to watch anime at all. hahaha.

For those interested more in why guys should lead, you might want to refer to the whole lesson 26 (titled 'Ministry of Women') from Ecclesiology bible seminar (2003). keke.
It also address two misunderstandings about women's ministry arising from the scriptures.. 1 Timothy 2:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 14:34-35. hehe.
Personally, I'm half a feminist.. so I didn't really like the notion that guys should lead when I first became a Christ-follower. hehe. but i guess as I go along in life, I start to see the need in the guys rising up to take the lead. start to understand certain things more. and i think what wenjiang said was quite true. in the heart of hearts, the female gender do look to someone to depend on as well. not that being dependent is wrong or makes you weaker, the female can be strong and do things by herself and all.. it's just a nice feeling to have i suppose :)
complement :P
same equality, different functions.
and of course, as a church, we believe that both genders have the potential to lead. but yes brothers, do take the lead. rise up! answer the call!
:)
was watching 'enchanted' with (in alphabetical order) huanyan, jalea, johnson and yizhong (i'm quite diplomatic. hahaa). it's a. very. loveylovey kind of movie. i was telling calyn that it's those kind of make-you-feel-good-for-the-whole-movie-and-play -on-each-person's-innate-desire-for-someone-to-love-them kind of show.

shucks. i just found something which is not supposed to be my house anymore. church bulletin from 2 november 1997. under New members, welcome to our family! i saw two familiar names o.O

-Praise Him under open skies
Everything breathing praising God
In the company of all who love the King
I will dance, I will sing
It could be heavenly
Turn the music loud, lift my voice and shout
From where I am
From where I've been
He's been there with me
He's built a monument
His very people
So let his people
Sing, sing, sing

And it's so wonderful
Just to be here now-

hahaa. the above reminds me of what we did on monday! =] before my last exam! hahaa. i learned so much today :) i enjoyed the discussion on different things too.
heh.

-i see the heavens proclaiming You day after day
and i know in my heart that there must be a way-

it took many listens of this song for me to grasp a deeper meaning of what those two lines mean. and it's gonna take more listens for me to understand what a greater song mean.
tuesday was for sickness.
wednesday for to slack.
and thurs is to pick up my pace to do things again. had to start planning again le 'cos if i continue to put it off, it'll clash with the busy session. haha.
my body is still taking its time to recover.

I like to integrate pastoral ministry with team ministry.. that is to say, I don't believe in my people coming together on Saturdays just to do counter. As a counter ministry, we believe in praying beforehand (entrusting our work to God), sharing our lives in the pockets of free time we have, peer shepherding and learning from what we have done (the mistakes we make don't hold us down. It's what we learn from the mistakes that matter more. For example, I get very frustrated when youth has camp registration 'cos of the abundance in cash. But I see myself growing more in this aspect throughout all the different registrations. That's important. The growth). I thank God for the team leaders in counter. They're spiritually strong and equipped with skills for effective administering of service to the people.
The last line sounds very formal. haha.
So I'm glad when the integration of both sides go well. Think God really blessed the ministry by having people coming in to volunteer :) The challenge in the ministry is the lack of leaders and I pray that this lack will continue to propel people to rise up faster. I'm glad also when we sms each other, it's not purely just 'work' as well.
Hope to see the ministry continue to grow in strength and wisdom :) And our skills (:S)

And I'm glad you came back :) Thanks for speaking to me on the first service you came back:) I may be just smiling on the outside.. but on the inside, I'm jumping around and praising God.

I'm sick. hahaa. I have a cold. It's those kinda block your nose cause you to be able to breathe kind of cold. And because of the cold, I have a sore throat now. ouch.
Eatting chilli helped clear my nose a bit though. hohoho.

Baby stay away. Do the right thing.

'the heart wants what it wants' - darren hayes

Oooh, you make me wanna
Deny the world
Deny the man I wanna be
Deny the oxygen that moves inside of me

Deny my friends
Deny the sensibility

I have surrendered now
I only wonder how

Sparks fly when our worlds collide
And I am falling at your feet
Stars shine so much brighter
You make me wanna sit right by
And watch the world falling at your feet

'Falling at your feet' - Darren Hayes

A resurgence, on the edge of something wonderful

'On the verge of something wonderful' - Darren Hayes
---
hehehe. okay. enough indulgence.

Typing this at home, with my cat sleeping on my bag, which is on the purple long chair which i bought from courts sometime ago:)
Prayer meet just now was refreshing. Everyone had high expectations for God to move, and God dared to meet us at our expectations. We prayed. A lot. hahaa. We prophesied over each other (groups of 3.. with pple whom we don't know.. that we can truly ask God for a word for the person. I grouped with Dawn.. not very familiar with her. hehe. and Abigail from youth.. don't know who she was at first:D) Touched when Dawn prayed my heart's prayer out. Touched and amazed when God showed me words to pray for these two sisters. Amazed when something checked with Abigail was confirmed by her.
I went there feeling slightly tired. Have been sleeping throughout the day.. Didn't really know why I was so tired either. hahaa. Yup. but I was really refreshed after the whole prayer meet. God convicted me and empowered me once again. Propelled me towards what has to be done.
hehehe. just killed a mosquito. I haven't seen mosquitoes in my room for a year or so. hohoho. It came to greet me on the night that i'm home to sleep. so friendly :)

Saw this.

NEW YORK (Reuters Life!) - How much children focus on having the latest gadgets and designer gear may have more to do with their self-esteem than peer pressure, targeted marketing or bad parenting, researchers said.

In two studies reported in the Journal of Consumer Research, they found that materialism spikes in early adolescence and declines by the end of high school, mirroring the years children are most prone to teen angst.

Between the ages of 12 and 13 children try to compensate for low self-esteem through material goods that they think will make themselves feel better, or that they think will raise their status among their peers.

"While peers and marketing can certainly influence teens, materialism is directly connected to self-esteem," said Professor Deborah Roedder John of the University of Minnesota,

"As parents, if we understand that, it helps us cope with the frustrating experience of having a 12, 13 or 14 year-old who is always asking us to buy them expensive clothes, and expensive computer equipment," she added in a media interview.

John and co-researcher Lan Nguyen Chaplin also showed that giving children positive signals from their peers can boost their self-esteem and lower levels of materialism.

They brought the children together in a summer camp setting and asked them to write down positive adjectives about their peers, such as "smart" or "fun". When the 12 and 13 year-olds read the pleasing descriptions of themselves, it drastically reduced the high levels of materialism.

John and Chaplin measured self-esteem by asking the children to rank to what extent they felt phrases such as "I feel good about myself", or "I'm just as good as anyone else" applied to them.

To find out how materialistic a child was, the researchers asked them to make up a collage to answer the question "What makes me happy."

The children that chose more material goods such as money or brand names over sentiments such as being with friends or no homework were seen as having higher levels of materialism.

I'm sometimes critical.
Not all the time. Most of the time I give people lots of benefits of the doubts. Most of the time I give myself the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I indulge a little in allowing myself to be slightly more lazy, slightly more ill-disciplined, slightly more slackish, slightly more...
There are other times when my half-perfectionist slightly critical attitude grab the whole of me and question. Questioning about the standard of the work I do. Questioning about the right-ness of the state of my heart. Questioning about the standard towards God or people that some people give.
Critical towards others. Critical towards self.
Pray that this critical attitude will propel me towards much action.

I took a walk from engine classroom to the psychology department just now, so as to hand in my rp forms. My thoughts and the wind was my company.
In my heart, I am a biology student. In terms of competence, I'm a language student. I pick up languages easily. When we talk about interest, I'm a psychology student. I love to study the behaviour of people. especially deviant people. no. i don't like to study all deviant people. i'm particularly interested in disorders. I don't like to study about anti-social-ness.
And on my I walked. With the wind that accompanies. I thought of how true it is that the higher you go, the wind blows all the harder. In terms of education level, societal strata.. the opposition that comes at you comes all the harder. The contradictions of the world blows all the more. At first it's a comfortable opposition.. but as the strength increases, it becomes cold, biting and uninviting. And then you start to wonder why you're up there in the first place. Though upon further thought, you start to think that it's not such a bad thing. You get comfortable with the extra space, you start to get used to the intensity of the wind.. you start to feel comfortable with the foresight that you're given to critically evaluate things around you. Though sometimes you miss the hustle and the cosiness of being with everyone down below, you start to understand that it's a privilege to be away from it.
You know that you can pretend that what was down below satisfies you.. you can cover it up. but gradually, you see that it doesn't satisfy you. It's not enough to satisfy you.. because that is not what God has created you to do. God has created you for greatness, and you settle for the measly. God has created you to be an eagle.. you'll never be satisfied being a chicken.

Wanted to go home after praying for melody.. to take my pink rp forms and the notebook in which i've drawn the adolescent overview mindmap in.
then...
this morning upon further checking ard my belongings, i found the rp form.
and...my pens dropped at the side, which enabled me to discover my ex-japanese studies notebook (which has my adolescent overview mindmap inside..)
which means..
thank God! i don't have to travel home and come back.
hahaha

Brought the clothes but forgot to bring what was most important - contact lens case.
Brought adolescent psy textbook, checked mail for script, replied mail about pilot testing, and forgot what was most urgent to be brought to school - my rp participants form. ah.
i see benaiah with food. hahaa.

yawning away here:) but relatively excited about tmr's trauma psy exam.. don't think i'm mad.. but trauma exam (despite the literal and figurative 'heaviness' of the contents) is one exam that i have been looking forward to. i guess disorders and these kinda things interest me. hohoho.
looking forward to tomorrow because it signifies the start of four days which i can take to slowly study and digest my adolescent notes!:) hahaa. and the textbook:) having fun material (e.g. trauma psy) to study ain't exactly very fun if you don't get the chance to slowly digest it. haha.
on another note.
i'm not gay. but i still love darren hayes' music. hahaa =)
ooh. it's 1am.

Thought this was quite interesting :)

"Be sure your sins will find you out."

The story is told of a young actor who was trying to impress an important movie director. The actor wanted to send an expensive gift, but he didn't have the money, but he had an idea. If he could find a valuable vase which was already broken and get it at a very small cost, then he could mail it to the director. He would think it had gotten broken in the mail and would be impressed anyway.

So this actor went to an exclusive store and found a vase that had been broken into many pieces. It was just going to be thrown out, so he was able to get it at a very small cost. He told them to wrap it up and send it and gave them the address. He waited to hear from the director, but heard nothing for several days. Finally he sent a telegram: "Did vase arrive?" Shortly he received this response: "Vase arrived. But why was each piece wrapped separately?"2

As Abraham Lincoln said, "You may fool all the people some of the time, you can even fool some of the people all of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time."

But with God we can never fool him any of the time. "Be sure your sins will find you out"—mine too!

I miss you greatly.
I miss your greeting when I come back.
I miss seeing the shape of you.
I miss your presence.
I miss sitting beside you, enjoying your silent company.
I miss watching you eat, watching you drink, watching you sit there in great patience looking at what's around you.
I miss your touch.
I miss the softness of you.
I miss trying to figure out what you need and what you want.
I miss you jumping onto my bed and trying to squeeze in beside me.
I miss carrying you out of my room when you try to scratch my bags.
I miss stroking your head and just sitting in the living room contemplating about things that happen.

Heh.

never knew there were such things as social escorts in singapore. think i'm pretty slow in this:S got quite stunned when i searched for the website and looked under the description for the girls.. it's like high class prostitution.. legalized :S
so scary. and most of them are undergraduates or graduates. o.O

i think it's important for us to guard our hearts, especially during exam time :) hahaha.

the song 'hosanna' has been on my mind for a while now. decided to go and look for the lyrics online, stumbled unto the youtube video for it as well. so went to take a look at it.
listening to the song, i really wanted to lift my hands up and worship him here. lots of things just went through my mind. hosanna means 'save now'. it could be because of the videos on rape and trauma victims which i have been watching for these two days, in part to study for my trauma exam.. or it could be because i met hf in the afternoon and shared what i was convicted about, or it could be because it's exam time.. but the song touched me in a new way today. so did the chapter on philippians 4.
-break my heart for what breaks yours
everything i am for Your kingdom's cause
as i walk from earth unto eternity-

and i do see a generation, rising up to take their place.. in selfless faith.
in selfless faith.

Haven't had a chance to blog about my irp report:)
Think it's been the focus of my entries for the past 2 weeks or so as the report is being written up.
It's been a love-hate relationship with it. At first I loved it. I enjoyed during up the test, enjoyed booking labs and liasing with people (though it's a little troublesome..), enjoyed learning new things, enjoyed meeting the participants and testing them, enjoyed the little hectic times of going for experiment in the morning and classes in the afternoon.
And then the writing of the report starts. There was frustration (in trying to remember how to write the report), denial (that there's a report to be written), irritation (when you try to write the report but nothing comes out), gratefulness (when dr tan gives direction, when other people encourage you), helplessness (when you wonder what to do with your data and what tests to use), strong disdain (when your report drags for a long time and you start to wonder why you're spending so much time doing it instead of studying for your exams.. the report is 70% of the module, microbes exam was also 70% of the module.. lol) and loneliness (when everyone else is studying for their exams and you're STILL doing your report.. ).
i thought i would be relieved when it's over, or happy, or glad, or sad. some explosive emotion which will manifest itself in exaggerated speech and action. but at the end of it all, it just came with a silent acknowledgement. 'oh, it's over. i've finished it'.
and at that moment, i wish that i can do my own experiment again, go through the whole experience again.. incorporating the many things which i've learned along the way.
hope that i can have the chance to do it again in year 4. i'm going to do literature review and formulate the topic through the sem next year (for interest's sake) and hopefully i can go on to do ism under dr tan again in year 4. yup:)

the tale of genji is quite addictive. hahaa. first novel in the world!
u can read it here.

I am joyful that I can claim the fact that God is my banner!
claiming the character of God. that He is my victor. He is my victory. He has conquered and brings me to conquer.
I am more than a conqueror through Christ.
I refuse to let my stupid IRP report conquer me.
I refuse to be defeated by the report.
I refuse to let my inadequacies and lack of knowledge in this area deter me from writing the report and finishing the report with joy and strength from God.
I refuse to let the circumstances bring me down and cause me to be all down and out.
I REFUSE TO LET GO OF THE CHARACTER OF GOD. THE FACT THAT HE IS MY VICTOR. THE FACT THAT HE HAS OVERCOME ALL. AND because of this, I CAN OVERCOME ALL THINGS AS WELL.
amen!

exams got no kick ah. maybe that's why God sent over a report to test me. hahaha. 'cos exams got no kick. hahaa.
yup.
the whole exam period is now more like a battlefield to me. exciting. haha. I can be physically tired from lack of sleep, mentally tired from churning out a lot of things, emotionally tired from not seeing my efforts for irp being reflected on paper.
BUT
I REFUSE TO LET GO OF GOD'S PROMISE IN THIS. That He who has overcome the world is greater than He who is in the world.
I refuse to be spiritually tired. I refuse to let go of the strength of God which empowers me to do things beyond my natural limit.

what flavor pocky are you?

[c] sugardew

You Are Flan Pocky

Your attitude: modern and offbeat East meets west... sweet meets salty. You're a pro at bringing unusual combos together!

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

All being said. I think the anime is nc16. hahaa

I was watching the second season of Genshiken.. episode 5. Was reading from the comments that they've turned this episode of Genshiken into a shonen-ai/yaoi one. and I was contemplating if i should continue to watch it.
the start was fine.. until oguie-san kept fantasizing about the guys around her and bringing into funny relationships. haha. in a sense, it's funny when you compare it to the original innocent characters who probably have no idea of what's going on in her head. in another sense, it causes me to shiver because it's quite suggestive.
hohoho.
genshiken's about the otaku culture in japan btw. should have expected yaoi/yuri to appear sooner or later.

Scriptwriting is causing me to be mel. hahaa.
and i'm still sick.
and tired.
hahaa. not sick and tired of something.
just sick.
and tired.

灰色空间

原来不是白就是黑 只不过是天真的以为
要醉得清醒 要无辜的犯罪 现实的世界只有灰
坚强得太久好疲惫 想抱爱的人沉沉的睡
卷来的风暴 凶猛里有种美 死了心 痛就没有感觉
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无路可退 妳是谁 怎么为我流泪
梦见发着光的草原 一身伤回到很久以前
我选择不恨 带着平静走远 醒来后 夜还是长夜
灰色空间 我是谁 记不得幸福是什么滋味
无跟可退 妳是谁 怎么为我流泪 紧抱着我流泪

sneezing away. haha.

-and with the heavens we declare
You are our King-

heh. when you have a lack of sleep, your linguistic abilities follow your sense of hearing down the drain. My ears started to buzz around 5+ in the morning, alongside with numbing of some of the fingers. Surprisingly, I got pretty alert around then too. Alert enough to figure out what the webpage about the Mann Whitney test was talking about and to joke around with isobel. hahaa.
Woke up at 8.50am because of my alarm, partly also 'cos of the cold. I feel relatively awake, despite the amount of sleep that I've had for the previous three nights. Yet I can't help having the notion at the back of my mind that something within my brain has gone through a compromise in exchange for the lack of sleep. Or perhaps it's my health.
I don't think I've had such another episode of such sleep deficit since Alpha camp days. haha.

tracy wacy has posted up a bumper sticker of mark wahlberg in my facebook. haha. i still have the card cum poster from sec 3:P HIDDEN in my drawer =) hahaa.

Do you know the fuzzy wuzzy game?

Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to be silly, but doesn't like to be serious.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to sleep, but doesn't like to be awake.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to see people suffer, but doesn't like it when people enjoy themselves.
Fuzzy Wuzzy is not sadistic and doesn't like to torture people.. but he likes to kill people for fun.
Fuzzy Wuzzy is not crazy, not mad, just slightly off in his brain connections.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes the umbrella, but doesn't like the rain. He doesn't like the sun either.. Nor does he like a cloudy day.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes to go swimming, likes to go running, but doesn't like skating or kayaking.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes Frozz, but doesn't like Clorets.
Fuzzy Wuzzy doesn't like Weiling. Doesn't like me. Doesn't like Jan. Doesn't like Guanrui. Likes Michelle. Likes Swee Leong. Likes Tjeekai.
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes noodles, but doesn't like donuts. Likes vanilla, but doesn't like chocolate. He likes strawberry too :)
Fuzzy Wuzzy likes the module Language and Cognitive Processes and Issues for development, but doesn't like Developmental Psychology, Cognitive Psychology, Introduction to Trauma Psychology and lots more other modules available.

Have you figured out what Fuzzy Wuzzy likes?

-Jesus conquered the grave
Saviour He can move the mountains
my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave-

I'm in the exam classroom with three mad people. hahaha.
and ghost hound as an anime is pretty inaccurate in portraying clinical psychologists O.o

I'm thinking of:
1) Sleep
2) Cutting my hair
3) Changing my specs
4) How egocentric blogs are
5) Bathing
6) IRP
7) Waraku
8) Brushing my teeth
9) Scriptwriting
10) TGIF
11) Contact list for counter
12) Presentation next tuesday.
---
Be strong!
We are not here to play,
to dream, to drift;
We have hard work to do
and loads to lift
Shun not the struggle-
face it; 'tis God's gift.

Be strong!
It matters not how deep
intrenched the wrong,
How hard the battle goes,
the day how long;
Faint not -- fight on!
Tomorrow comes the song.

-Be strong!
Maltbie Davenport Babcock

hmmmmm. my brain is well rested after two days of hibernation and hide-and-seek with the irp report. hahaa. i don't know why it's causing me so much trouble :P usually i finish reports within 5 hours - 1 week. hohoho. this one took me more than 3 weeks O.o
i've got lots of thoughts. hahaa. had lots of thoughts in the afternoon.. but they've all nicely evaporated into the air :)
just like how ethanol can vaporize very easily.
where's cafe iguana? hahaa. yizhong! this is a reminder to you to help me find out where merchant road is :) thanks =] hahaa. ian was saying that they sell tequilas and margaritas and i was like thinking about how i've never tried tequila or tequila based drinks before O.o i'm usually stuck with vodka. hohoho.
hmmm.
i was thinking about age and maturity in general. like how maturity doesn't come with age, and age doesn't signify your maturity.. though we'll expect an older person to be more mature and all. And i was thinking about how troublesome social rules are.. and how they are certain kinds of people you'll like to know more about, but probably can't 'cos of a different life station, or different age (okay.. maybe not so much of age).. more of life stations i suppose. and this is especially troublesome if it's a person who's not in church. hahahaa. i mean, in Hope we have the mutual understanding that we can always learn from everyone.. like everyone's part of the family, so regardless of the age group or life station you belong to, all of us have the same heartbeat and it's this heartbeat that brings people together.. despite all the differences. but if the person's not in your peer group, it's kinda much harder.. 'cos gotta go through all the social rules and whatnots. it frustrates me sometimes 'cos i like to know people. not just know.. but know, as in, to know them deeper, to know how they feel about certain things. well.

hehe. fatigue is setting in. I think I've had increased cortisol level for a few days now.. so when it suddenly drop in level, the decrease in the coversion of glycogen to glucose results in slight fatigue. my body is telling me to rest.
hehe. i didn't hand up my irp in the end. I thought I've got everything I need to finish up the report.. then I realised that I don't know how to classify my dear participants into their various L1 or L2.. rather, there's not really a way to just classify them like this.. I can go by their home language I suppose.. not very sure. Asking Dr Tan soon..
hehehe. and Dr Tan very nicely extended my draft dateline till next Monday.. I was quite exhilerated when I saw the email just now at HQ :) hahaa. but then I realised that I've got TONS to do in these few days as well.. so it won't make much of a difference:) but really thank God for Dr Tan. hahaa. when i received the email, i wanted to reply with..
AHHHHHHHHH! THANK YOU! sniff sniff.
and I was happily exclaiming 'Dr Tan I love you! wahaha.'
but. as I think she'll probably freak out if I reply with such a response.. so I decided not to :)
anyway, point is. she's one of the nicest lecturers i've ever encountered before:) very similar to miss christine lee. hehehe. both lecturers are competent in their areas of interest as well=]
i've met very nice lecturers this semester:) nice TAs too. hahaa. like my adolescent psy TA - lee li neng.. he's always prepared with a proper lesson plan.. and can tell he makes the effort to prepare by the slides he's made, as well as the youtube videos he show us.. haha. this is the first time i've seen youtube videos in tutorial classes. haha.
my microbes lecturer as well:) he's super amusing. and super non-condemning.
i think nice lecturers motivate you to study better, ya? It's like an extra external motivation:)
for me, i like the process of doing things, or learning things much better than the end results. but having nice lecturers make striving for the end results a tad easier and more enjoyable:)
and...
thanks to isobel as well:) she really encouraged me greatly in 2 aspects - 1) when i realise that I'm not the only one who hasn't finished my report.. and she told me that there's possibility of asking for extension and 2) when she sent me messages to encourage me:) the correspondence of smses and msn chats encouraged me greatly 'cos here's someone who's going through something similar with me. we're fighting together!:)

i was just joking with joyce that if they don't want to accept my late submission for irp.. then i'll just fail the module happily. then i'll get all As for next sem and offset this balance 'cos i'm taking cognitive psy and japanese next sem. hahaha.
then joyce says 'ehh..' she don't know what she says. hahahaha.
i'll rather have tests (like calyn) than have a st

My mum used to play the violin. until her violin perished.. in the same fire that took away their house.

this is amusing to say.. but there's this one soul who has been going through my archives :)
ah.
how inadequate my knowledge of the things that matter to me.

macabre dance of a solitary death - the world will never understand.
this phrase keeps coming back to me after i watched the child abuse video:) hahaa. the second part of the phrase.. the world will never understand.
the macabre dance of a solitary death is meant to symbolize a gruesome suicide btw:P
looking forward to tomorrow:) hahaa.
i think i was stressing myself out happily over the irp. then i realised that i didn't have to. lol. yes, i would have liked to do a dozen different analysis.. and actually a lot more can be covered.. but since i dun have the time, nor the knowledge and experience, i shall leave it as such :) yup. still got tons to go though. hahaa.
yup.
exciting exciting exciting. i really can't wait for exams... the nostalgic smell (haha) of the engine hallways.. the days when i can study and do things at my own pace. yay. exams are usually the free-est time of the year for me:) hahaa.
i'm definitely taking japanese lang 1 next sem, anyone wanna take with me?:) in saying so, i'm forfeiting my english studies minor. hehe. awww. and taking cognitive psychology. i've waited 1 whole year for winston goh. hope he's teaching next sem.. or else i will really faint. hahaa.

Isn't it ironic how your productivity goes down if you're too stressed? Ironic 'cos when you're very stressed, it's usually 'cos you need to complete something fast or need to do something excellently.. and that's when you'll need your productivity to go up instead of it going down.
vicious cycle ah? need to finish work by a certain dateline --> inability to concentrate+low productive levels+ avoidance symptoms --> greater need to finish work by a certain dateline --> more behavioural and emotional manifestations of stress --> so on and so forth.
it spirals down and down and down instead of lifting you out of the situation :)

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. In love, you express your emotions through actions. Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well! At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist. How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

ho? not bad wor. i'll prefer it when other people give me datelines, yet i'm still flexible within my datelines. ha ha ha ha ha.
so vague though. ha ha ha ha ha.

i'm singing a song of insanity
won't you come and sing with me?
dada dadada da da da
dadada dada da da da

when i go mad, i will sing sing sing
when things go bad, i will sing sing sing

my stats are driving me down a path
a path of no return
my stats are singing victory
as i go into delirium

coffee, tea, chips and me
(coffee, tea, chips and me)
won't you sing this song with me?
(won't you sing this song with me?)

row row row your boat
gently down the stream
merrily merrily merrily merrily
merrily merrily merrily merrily
merrily merrily merrilyyyy merri..
...
and then. they'll see a waterfall
and
...
life is a such a scream :D yay!
-
be a man. do the right thing.
be a (woahhhhh)man, do the right thing.
-
haiku!
spss is
red, gray, boxy, troublesome
gives me a headache.

irp is so
fun, taxing, individual
ah. forget 'bout it.

i really can't wait for tuesday to come. because that's when i have to hand in my irp report, which is last assignment of the whole entire sem for me.. the assignment that i find is the hardest and most troublesome to do. hoho hoho. but it got me to appreciate so many things so much more.
i'll give another verdict on it another day. when i'm not buried by the thoughts of having to do the report, and the impending doom that awaits me if i don't go back to it soon :)
ohoh. but that doesn't discount the fact that my supervisor is very nice. so is steph who helped at the start to iron out funny things. hehehe.
i need to continue to grow in pro-activeness. or else i will kill myself at the end of the day :)
i just hope i dun get killed after this :) hahaa.
report. hand up. then it's back to plain old exams. literally. plain. and old.
thank God for the ginseng tea i found in the kitchen. thank God for my dad who helped me buy coffee and chips when i thought he wasn't going to. hahaa. thank God for my understanding sheep:) and my interesting cg members. hahaa.
thank God for Dr Why who intro-ed the stats textbook in his module. i think if i dun have it with me now.. i will really will myself into comatose. hahaa.
can i take my brains out and cool them in the fridge before putting them back? my eyes as well?
hahaa.

listen here! to the song of a mad man.
harken! he sings of your destiny.
hasten away! for his song will and can
beckon!

i can't think of the last line.
haha.

Jigoku shoujo futakomori episode 11 talks about 2 misconceptions of food feeding towards cats!:) hahaha.
finally! an anime that depicts that feeding milk to cats is bad for them =)

I finished my last presentation today :) Microbes presentation. Had trauma presentation and adolescent test on wed. Had language presentation last wed.
I liked my microbes presentation:) hehehe. I think it went well:) Thanks to the audience who was supportive. hahaa.
Had been feeling rather drained in the past week or so. My prayer for renewal and strength and help has remained with me in the past week. I'll wake up in the morning (e.g. this morning), hoping that i have more time to sleep, hoping that i don't have to go for presentation rehearsal:) hahaa. i woke up on thurs morning wondering why i didn't just stay at home to study. hahaha.
but i'm always blessed after i make the decision to get up and go (sometimes with little resistance, sometimes only after many times of succumbing back to the bed). studied together with jalea and yizhong yesterday:) i thought it felt kinda like an outing as well. hahaha. doing work at starbucks was quite good too:) haha. and today's presentation rehearsal was enjoyable:)
i think i really thank God for my project group members this sem.. i either have a major project, or have to present about a journal at every tutorial for three out of four of my modules.. so project work was really a significant component in my modules this semester. hahaa. my project group members may not be the most choleric and hardworking people.. haha. but they're relatively consistent and helpful.. and easy going:) and we get the thing done in the end, enjoying the process we go through as well. i enjoyed it anyway :)
hehe.
got two emails from psych undergrad enquiries about two internship opportunities.. one at mediacorp and one at singapore pools. hahaa. i was particularly interested in the one under the department of tv mobile. haha. job scope includes:
1) Project Based Production / Programming / Promotions jobs

2) Reviewing of New Programs

3) Television Management

interesting ya?
but the hours are from 9-6.30pm. faint. hahaha.

-nobody knows
how weak I am
better than You..
and nobody sees
all of my needs
better than You
and nobody has the power to change to me
to be what I was born to be
Jesus be strong, in my weakness
empower me-

Sent a message to Dr Tan 'cos I can't complete my draft and I asked if I can send her a draft of the full paper by next Monday instead ('cos wed got presentation and test and friday comes another presentation..).
Hope she doesn't kill me. And hope she doesn't think that I'm taking her niceness for granted:S
ah. if i do an irp again, or ism.. I think i'll need to really start everything earlier!
i feel quite motivated to continue on with my irp. brain is moving once again as well:) Shall do as much as I can as long as I'm awake!
it's not a good feeling to ask for extension and definitely not a good feeling to be unable to complete something on time. hohoho.
but it's what i learn from it that matters more:) and what i do after learning from the experience. yes. so i will learn to start things earlier (especially for research stuff), as well as to learn to appreciate people who're doing research or writing papers(and their supervisors who supervise them).

And i can't rest my mind. hohoho.
drank 1/3 of the macs coffee (no sugar, no milk) just now and my brain refuses to shut down even as it's blankig (blanking) out. it keeps thinking about the introduction, the methodology and discussion (O.o). i can't seem to write the discussion without writing .. ahh. i can't seem to write about the introuduction (introduction) witout (wh-X without) writing about the discussion too.

My brain is officially fried. I don't think I've fried it so nicely before. hahaha.
I can't even type sentences properly. have to make the effort to look through my orthographic output lexicon to find words to put in a proper statement. my brain processes have slowed down so much i can feel orthographic output buffer working... trying hard to retain the chosen words in memory so as to arrange them O.o
I'm yawning, but I don't feel the fatigue (brain is struggling with the need to place the letters in the right position too.. keep spelling words wrongly.. or forgetting to add in 's'..). my head feels black. no. my head feels p. no.. my head feels blak. no. my head feels blank. maybe i shld analayse. no. aa. no. analyse. my own resul. no. my own mistakes in typig. no. typng. no typing one day when i'm free an . no. and awake. and alett. no. alert.
shucs. no. shucks. i think i shld take a nap (but i'm fewarful tt i.. no i'm scared/ worried tt i won't be abl to wake up in i. no. in time to inish. no. finish thedraft up.

i nearly fainted when i went to recheck my recordings for irp and found almost all the files empty. then i restarted the comp. and it remained empty O.o
then i went to check the recycle bin and found them all there. hahaa. deleted them during the preparation for tgif, thinking that they were sound files from the kindergarten testings:S

do you know that if you let your thoughts run and just write it all down or type it once a day or so.. you'll actually be able to think faster and connect your dots better as well?
that's what i read in 250 tips for speakers in this pdf book by some eric guy who's supposed to be able to speak really well. he has a website as well.

"but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint"
- Isaiah 40:31

holding on to this verse. Feeling a little sian diao because of irp report.. wanted to start on it on friday but i realised that all of a sudden, i am partially clueless as to what i really want to find and what's so important about my results. hurhur. maybe it'll help to shed some more light into the nature of bilingualism? or to help in supporting some cognitive model about language? i have no idea. i have some notions about running away, some notions about giving up, some notions about just failing this module and giving up honours all together.
"even youths grow tired and weary"
a weary heart and mind, which in turn produces a weary body:)
"but those who hope in the Lord"
hoping in the Lord. trusting in His providence. trusting that His strength is sufficient for me. learning to lean on Him for what i lack. praying to Him for wisdom. praying for Him to give me joy in doing the task. praying for Him to help me see a bigger picture of what my research entails. hoping in the Lord.
hoping in the Lord helps you to look upwards. it's so true that when you look at the circumstances around you, you'll be easily swallowed up by it. so true that when you want to do a good report because of the grades or because of your nice supervisor, you'll be easily stressed out to an unhealthy degree.
"Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men" Eph 6:7.
but when i turn the perspective and remember that i'm doing the irp so that i can honour God even in my studies, i feel lighter. just do my best, let God do the rest.
"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength"
renew. in the old testament, the Hebrew word for it was 'chalaph'. sprouting out.
something new from what was not there before.
help me to soar on wings like eagles.. who lean on the currents on the wind to bring them higher and higher.
-----
everyone have their own strengths and weaknesses. i have my own as well. and in my weakness, i thank God for the availability of His strength.

watashi wa honto nemui desu.
je suis (sleepy). hahaa. i dunno what sleepy in french is.

Listening to the song on yizhong's blog. it's a rainy night and i'm feeling a tuggish-squishy-mellowy-melancholic-nostalgic bundle of emotions.
actually was just feeling quite thankful for the people of whom God has sent into my life:) little actions do count. little actions do create great impacts in people's lives. i can still remember the very meaningful pat on the shoulder in 2005 when i was about to give up, the company of the people around me when i was down and out, the small amount of time people offered to me to share in my joy, the willingness of people who walked with me when i needed a silent companion.
i wanted to do a book on all the people i've ever known in my life.. but has never started on it. hahaa. maybe i should start now:) so please don't find it weird when i take a picture of you one day :)

I think Dr Tan's worried of alarming me. haha. Though I do feel that a bit of alarming is good in my case.. since I tend to be a last minute kinda of person (recalling overnight assignments of last semester...) hohoho.
Was reflecting through and realised that I don't really dare to ask people questions (could this be a matter of pride? fear?) and usually prefer to find out the answers myself, or to figure it out, or to experience it myself and see how i react.. Think it's not exactly the most fruitful way of doing life.. since sometimes it's really good to learn from other people's experiences, as well as the fact that it's much easier to just clarify something from other people (takes a short time) versus you researching up and trying to understand it (takes a long time). overly independent (hurhur) in terms of studies is not the best way to go at times.. maybe it's 'cos i'm not used to asking people since i'm young.. since there's no one around to ask about studies and life in general from young.
God created us to be interdependent:) Need to grow in the aspect of asking and learning from others :)
I've set a dateline on myself to hand in the draft of my ism by 6th november.. hahaha. faint.
this week's gonna be really packed.. what with the preparation of 3 project presentations (this wed, next wed and next friday), preparation of cg and tgif, studying for adolescent psych (next wed) and doing up my ism (by next tues). still figuring out the structure for counter ministry (haven't met up with crystal and lancaster to discuss the structure), figuring out how to build up offering ministry... shepherdings. lala. haha. i sound really busy. guess most of the sisters and brothers will be facing the same things as well:) but i'm so glad that God has been building me up in terms of being able to plan and draw strength from Him.
on the friday which just passed, i went home feeling really drained. I was like looking at the comp and thinking of the things i have to prepare for sat and that kinda drained me out even more. haha. the thing about a weary heart producing a weary body is so so true. anyway, i was thinking about how hardpressed i felt and how i'll crumble if i just look at the circumstances alone. hoho. so i made a little prayer to ask God to renew me. renew me in the definition of the old testament.. to cause to sprout out again. to give the strength to me even when i'm running on low/near to empty. hahaa.
God answers prayers.
it wasn't immediate.. but ard 5 mins later, while i was still checking mail, i felt a change in the spirit i was having. i felt strength given to me and a soft joy rising up within me:) i was still tired, but i had the strength to carry on to complete what i needed to do.
- though the sorrow lasts for a night
Your joy comes in the morning-
so apt. haha.

i'm supposed to be collating data.. but i don't really know what i'm supposed to do:S so just compiling the stuff. lalala.
was late for today's Alive! programme 'cos i fell asleep again after replying to a few messages :( thank God for boonliong who innovated during the second game:) learned to innovate today on the spot! haha.
okay.
me and mich were supposed to drop off at singtel building for a nap 'cos both of us were exhausted after having a lack of sleep (of which i think she's MUCH MORE sleep deprived than I am.. so do be nice to her. haha). yup. we got chased out by the security guard.. so after a year or 2 of using the singtel building lobby.. we learned today that the lobby is only open to the public on weekdays, not weekends. how silly.
wanted to venture to cine to sleep, but i ended up pulling mich along for the Lime flea. hohoho:) i saw beautiful lentil beads and wirework-ed necklaces there. hahaha.
after being 'sunbathed' for a while, both of us didn't feel so tired anymore.. so off we went to look for my dress :P
blossomz has nice dresses :) hahaa. but i'm stuck between a size m and a size s (??? how odd) for the dresses:P size m is loose and size s is too tight. hohoho. and the designs i wanted dun have size m anymore.
i think shopping is tiring :(

newly named identity:
a member of east a alumni. hahaa. faint.

there are times when i wish i have the diligence and choleric-ness that some other people whom i know have.. so that i won't be stuck doing unproductive stuff (e.g. watching anime. hahaa:)
there are also times (e.g. tonight) when i wonder why i can't just do things on the computer all day long and make a living out of it (e.g. doing things on photoshop, watching anime. hohoho.)
or once in a while, i wonder why i'm not saving up for a camera 'cos photos are visual candies for me:) hehe.
tonight i was looking at my ministry (events finance) and wondering why i've put off stuff for so long:) i'm supposed to be helping to overlook the offering ministry since it split again some time ago, but have not had the time to check with the current leader how the progress is and everything. i think they probably feel very isolated. hehee. i was supposed to be planning out the new structure for counter ministry as well, but haven't had the time to sit down and decide what is really needed. hohoho.
it's never too late to start:) so i went to message and call pple up to settle some stuff. yay. thank God that He assured me once again that in Him, i can be a new creation:)
indeed. the old has gone, the new has come.
it matters not how many mistakes you've made in the past.. what really matters is the lessons you have learned from the mistakes and making the decision to turn away from it in the future (repentance:)
hohoho.

been playing around with polymer clay. yup. doing basic beads now. made a flower and a cross. experimenting with the firing of clay using my toaster oven. yup:) let's see how it goes. hahaha

Just received a call about some nokia motility/mobility (i dunno:S) showcase thing. Apparently they sent me an invitation through the email but I deleted it once I saw it was from nokia.. and since i have no interest whatsoever to purchase any more nokia phones, i kinda just deleted it away without taking a look at it. ha ha ha.
in the infant lab now waiting for someone to finish her experiment. It's really cold in here... finished watching jay zhou's 'secret'..of which the vcd was lent to me by a kind brother. hahaha. anyway, think it's quite interesting... but not as nice as i thought it wld be ?? O.o perhaps it's 'cos of all the expectations i have for the movie due to the reviews of lots of people:) hahaha. but i can say it's definitely better than 'the curse of the golden flower'.. that one was really some sort of a curse towards the director and all the crew involved in the movie. lol.
yup. watching one more episode of detective academy Q... for once i have the urge to study rather than watch anime. hope the girl finishes soon so tt i can go to hq and study =] hahaa.

Just spent an hour looking at online shops to search for something to wear to boonliong and hazel's wedding reception. hahaha. can't find anything much. think i'll go shopping one day :) anyone wanna come with me? lol.
online window surfing is actually quite addictive. not as addictive as anime though. hahaa.
was quite inspired today by pastor jo's sharing on the key to influence:) we explored the life of daniel, who was judged by others by his spirit.. and because of his spirit of excellence, caused 4 kings to vy for him to be their advisor and gave him the influence to influence four different nations.. so amazing!
yup. i was quite restless today.. so on a spur of a moment, i went to create my old plant! hohoho. simple concept. anyway, here it is:


i named it Arco Iris :) haha. copyright of singing. anyway, i've sent it in. don't think it'll get chosen 'cos it's quite amateurish, but it sure was fun creating it:) had been wanting to create things ever since i saw the polymer clay beads that were so exceedingly beautiful and exquisite. wooohoo. visual eyecandy for me:D hehe. my definition of eyecandy is quite different from most pple's :P
makes me wanna get polymer clay and create things too. hahaha.

Just finished watching the anime series called 'Mononoke' :) hahaa. Finished 'lovely complex' yesterday ('cos only need to watch last episode. hohooh.
mononoke is quite creepy. hahaha. at times anyway :) but i agree. the art is brillian. lots of colours and symbols used. quite characteristic of the style of edo wood prints :) hahaha.
yup. if you've got the time, go watch it. it consists of only 12 episodes :)

I guess we'll never know when we do things that'll touch a person or lift up a person's spirits...

Galatians 6:9 'Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.' [NIV]

Galatians 6:9 'So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.' [NLT]

I was quite surprised to receive a call at 2.15am (reminds me of what WJ said about pple calling you in the middle of the night or something).. I was even more surprised to hear who it is and what he was sharing about. In a sense, I'm really glad that we continued on with what we set out to do (having a counter retreat and getting to know each other more in the ministry) despite the low turnout. Perhaps God planned the low turnout rate so that we can minister better to this brother:)

Got reminded about how it's important to continually do what is right in the eyes of God.. and not just in the eyes of the people in this world. The brother's sharing reminded me that it's really not my reputation (or whatever other things we may be concerned about) that matters, but the soul of the person before me.

Seeing the people in the counter ministry grow more and more gives me a certain sense of joy:) Getting to know them beyond during the ministry time, but about their lives in general and their spiritual lives helps me to also slowly mould the counter ministry into one that's not just there to support the church in terms of financial things, but also a ministry that's spiritual in nature as well. We are afterall, still fighting a spiritual battle, despite the many physical items and problems we see in front of us.

Something random.. the other day, while I was taking 143 to far east to meet up with eevoon and sengkim (and another brother by the name of ben, whom I didn't know was accompanying them for shopping as well), the bus which I took passed by this condo which was still under construction. The banner, which was really big and was hung from the top of the still constructing condo, had these words on it
"All sold! Thanks be to God! - Lippo group"
You're welcome to search for more information about the lippo group :) haha.

one of the songs i've always liked:)

'You' - jaci valesquez

Who makes the sun light up my shadows when the darkness tries to follow me
Who makes the air that brings me life so I can breathe the love that's given to me
You make
everything good, everything wonderful
you grace my days and heaven fills my view
let's forever sing
You make everything pure everything beautiful
You make me see the only thing that's true
it's You

Who makes the waters of my sorrow part and leads the gladness into my heart
Who makes the rivers run that wash away and clean my soul to make a new start
You make
Everything good, everything wonderful
You grace my day and heaven fills my view
Let's forever sing
You make
Eveything pure, everything beautiful
you make me see the only thing that's true
it's You

You hung the moon
You made the stars that shine Your light on me
I hope that all I do
Will show reflections of You

You're everything pure, and beautiful :)

Tutorial tutorial!

Trauma is really driving me... (to study? to excel?)
Mad.
It's crazy doing a test with a new lecturer.. you don't know what she's looking out for (i mean, true/false qns and connecting line qns and short answers and a half page essay is really quite vague when the lecture material is amazingly confusing. hahaha. confusing not in the scope.. but rather in its layout. For e.g. in lecture 5 when it talks about critique of trauma and PTSD, there were like super a lot of points of contention and 10 hypothesis to take note of for some cultural thing.) i seriously dun mind lecture 3's models and what nots=] at least they're more concrete to me. lol.
i was happily plotting out some evil plans until jiali reminded me that i'm showing avoidance symptoms. and yes. avoidance symptoms are not as salient as arousal symptoms for post traumatic growth.. so i've decided to be hyperaroused instead. lol. imported some new songs into my mp3 player and plugged in with my new earphones. hohoho. got my pay today for the last session of tuition.. so went to buy all the necessary things i've needed since 2 months ago. haha. i'm not rich :P need to save up for things :) and i don't feel like burdening my parents to ask for more money or whatnots.
i feel 1/8 tempted to not do my adolescent tutorial. hahaha. needless to say, the other 7/8 wins out automatically:) somehow or another, adolescent psy tutorial feels more leisurely than studying for trauma test :)

-hope which was lost, now stand renewed
i give my life to honour this
the love of Christ, the Saviour King-

today pastor Dinah talked about lateral leadership :) think it's not the first time i received a teaching about lateral leadership.. pastor ben taught about it previously in one of the combined team meetings too.
but it was different today :) previously it was more of skills and attitudes, today pastor dinah addressed common misconceptions and the important of eq. hahaa.
think i was quite inspired to continue to drive the ministry. i have the vision of expanding the ministry to 4 teams (so tt each team does once a month), with 4 team leaders and at least 2 members in each team. currently, the capacity is at 3 teams with 2 team leaders and 6 members. yup. really thank God that He always sends in a leader with a great heart to serve and sends in more members when the time is ripe. the counter currently has an excess of females.. so God sent in 2 male members. yay. i'm waiting to see more pple from the uni grp though:)
really quite exciting to see where the counter can go.. think to many pple, or maybe it's just me.. the counter really seems like just something we do? some pple may think it's not as spiritual as the pastoral ministry (well, that was my impression in the past).. some may feel that there're more 'spiritual' ministries out there (e.g. choir or backup singing..)... the truth is that everything is important in the KOG.. and how 'spiritual' the ministry is depends on how 'spiritual' u want to make it to be.. it's all a matter of ur heart. the motives and the attitudes.
really hope to build up the pple in my ministry as well.. especially since we are so closely in touch with the finances of the church. need to constantly see the greater picture of the support these finances go to.. need to strive for an excellence in the service in the ministry (which we are STILL learning) such tt we can be an asset (literally and figuratively) to the church.
the kingdom of God deserves the best. not the leftovers.
yup. lateral leadership!:) we're creative pple!

This week hasn't exactly been as fruitful as I'd have liked it to be.. For example, I've not completed my adolescent psy critique, nor have i finished studying for trauma test, which is coming up next thursday :) but i've rested quite a bit today (which is good, i guess) and though there's still a lot of things to do, i guess i'm more or less ready to face the second half of the semester (mentally and psychologically. haha)
i think i miss going down to the kindergartens and do data collection with the kids :) lol. they've gotten smarter, and slightly naughtier over the months. more fun to play with i suppose. ah well .

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

Jesus, of course, was talking about coming back to get his followers to take them to be with him in Heaven.

Jesus' first coming is an indisputable fact of history. His second coming is just as certain. What isn't certain is the date of his coming. Over the years many have tried to predict that date and have fallen flat on their face. Only God knows that day.

Others have accused us Christians of being so heavenly minded we are of no earthly use. True, some people are this way, but that is when they use their religion as an escape from or defense against facing their own reality.

I appreciate what David Shibley wrote: "Remember a 'heavenly minded' Wilberforce whose passion for human dignity helped eradicate the slave trade throughout the British empire. Go to the inner city of Chicago and watch the tireless workers at the Pacific Garden Mission as they tell inquiring street people how to get to heaven while providing them food and shelter on the way. Scan the world and look at the thousands of hospitals, shelters, leprosariums, children's homes and colleges that have been built in heaven's honor. The point is obvious. Those who truly set their sights on another world are often the most active for constructive change in this one.

As C.S. Lewis suggested it is when we cease to think of the other world (Heaven) we become ineffective in this one.

i can't find my bible :( was thinking about the verse about having gift of prophecy blah blah, 'but have not love, i am but a resounding gong.' Wanted to look it up, then i realised with a shock that i've lost my bible. yes i know there's an online bible, but it's just now the same. all my penning down of questions and additional notes and highlightings... the words i treasure from my dear God... the Word of God which has greatly encouraged me, taught me, comforted me, disciplined me, gave me direction.. now i don't have my bible to hold in my hands, to pray, to flip when i'm sitting on my bed and spending time with Him.
my manual for life.. lost at this current moment.

majesty!

hahaa. this is the song which me and huili and calyn kept singing at hq today:D
really love this song! think the lyrics mirror what i really want to express onto God and what i really believe.
-every tribe and tongue, every land will sing Your praise
to the end of time, we'll sing
Majesty!-

'Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal' 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.

everyday we make a choice to look towards something:) everyday we make a choice in our response to something:) everyday the Holy Spirit guides me to make a choice in my actions, thoughts, words and deeds. sometimes i listen to it.. sometimes i don't...
i think the brother in team leaders' course really made a good point:) though i've heard it before.. it still holds true:)
'do you wake up each morning saying 'good morning Lord!' or do you wake up each morning saying 'good Lord! morning :('
haha :)

-there's no escaping the truth
there's no mistaking it's You'

i realised in the afternoon, when i was heading off to science for a project meeting.. that yesterday night, i didn't eat dinner. and this morning, i didn't eat breakfast.
O.o

After a week or so of sleeping for 3-5 hours consecutively, my body could not keep up with the rate of work anymore.. this morning i woke up feeling nauseous.. this evening, the nausea came back and followed me through from clementi to toa payoh. i was supposed to have tuition tonight, but at the rate i was going, i figured it'll be safer to head home instead.
hehe:) finally, a night of rest:) ironically, the only night that i'm home before 10pm, my whole family's out on a wedding dinner. haha.
have been carrying out recordings and testings these few days for irp:) it's actually quite fun collecting the data.. hahaa. Really thank God for Dr Tan (remind me to comment on certain things later) and her lab. She's got a cool lab! with sofas and soft toys (not that i'm particularly a fan of soft toys.. but having soft toys in school really help to calm people's nerves.. especially before an experiment). haha. and she's got a wonderful corner in her room that is so quiet when you close the door. brilliant for recording people speaking!:)
there was this time during testing that a little boy and his grandmother were directed to the infant lab by an undergraduate(till now i still wonder why). the boy's grandfather is a professor and he was being interviewed for some stuff.. so they asked if they could sit at the sofa. i had the opportunity to interact with this 29 months old little boy who sang a korean song and danced for me. hahaha. i think i could see a bit of why people love infants :)
and since the boy falls in the age range that Dr Tan is looking for, i took the liberty to pass the small piece of paper about the research to the grandmother. lalala.
recently i was thinking about how social hierarchy causes a boundary to be put up between people. perhaps it's just me.. but i always have the feeling that there should be a distance kept between the lecturer and me.. and this of course includes Dr Tan.. and even the way of addressing her puts her at a level different from me - which is true in a way because of the fact that she's my supervisor and i'm not.. haha. but the thing is, it causes me to wonder if i can add her on facebook (perhaps in the future?:S) and of course, the conversation topics. like sometimes i feel like asking how her day has been and all...but i'm scared that it'll be too informal. lol. it's the title! and the setting! lol :) she reminds me of.. marlene lee. Dr Marlene Lee (who taught me abnormal psy) was really nice too. and ziwei. hahaa. 'cos ziwei is so childlike (not childish), yet so knowledgeable and wide in her field of knowledge:) but all in all, thank God for her.
don't mind me. i think about silly things :)
ohoh. Dr Tang mentioned that there might be a module called psychology in gender in the following sem. sounds good!:D haha. i just realised that my area of interest is quite strange.. gender, linguistics and developmental disorders. as strange as how my two favourite subjects were literature and biology. lol.

There're so many things to coordinate and consider in just doing a study O.o

[160907] - when my internet connection was done due to a dislodged wire.

Refiners’ fire
My heart’s one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be – Holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will

Today we had our Hope 16th Anniversary! : ) I really love this church. This group of people whom I’ve spent my JC and uni years with.. the people who taught me so much, who loved me so much, who refined me so much. The church where I’ve learned much about God, about serving Him, loving Him.. the church who’s equipped me with the skills to gain more from the WOG and helped instill in me a heart and desire to love and know Him more. Though my church is not perfect (we’re still living in the world after all), and there are times when I feel frustrated with certain systems, certain things.. I still love Hope dearly : ) We grow together, get moulded and sharpened together, and generally pull each other along over the hurdles of life and continue stumbling or running in this spiritual race set ahead of us.

Let all the people sing of
Your awesome power in all the earth
Let all the nations bow their knees
Why would the nations rage when
The King is on His throne
Now and forever YOU WILL REIGN!

Haven’t felt so exhilarated in praise and worship for some time! Though running around during praise was super amusing, it sure got people moving.. and the transition to the space before the stage rather than at the side facilitated in moving into the presence of God. Halfway through the praise and worship, I was thinking to myself.. it really is not about the music, really not about the atmosphere… but your condition of the heart with God. A worshipful heart will worship God regardless of the situations. A worshipful heart will give thanks to God, will be touched by the lyrics, ministered by the song.. simply because a worshipful heart will have been visited by the presence of God and in the presence of God, the heart bows and realizes how small it is to be loved by such an awesome and miraculous God.
If there’s one small thing I agree with Pastor PN about, it’s the thing about faith rising up from the heart, to the head, and to the hands. I think adoration of God during praise and worship happens in this manner too. The rising of awe in the heart when there’s a heart-to-heart connection, then to the mind (the understanding of the amazing characteristics of God) and subsequently an outward manifestation of this awestruck heart.. be it the raising of hands at that moment, or the diligence in serving God in the future.. it’s really an outward manifestation of an inward transformation.
JUMP conference tomorrow! I know I’ll be tired (from a lack of sleep), but I sure am excited about it!

this morning, i slept around 4++ 5am again.
this morning i got awakened around 7.57am by two things - 1) a shaking sensation 2)the door making a lot of noise. it was then that i realised that i'm experience tremors from another earthquake. probably from indonesia. the first thing i did was to open my door and off my fan (electrical power supply O.o). waking up alarmed is not a good idea.
that's when i realised that my fight or flight mechanism has already kicked in.. dilated pupils, increased heart beat, tensed muscles..
checking channelnewsasia.. it's the result of another earthquake from south indonesia, measuring 8.0 on the richter scale. oh man. can you imagine? if we can feel it from south indonesia, won't it be much much worse over at south indonesia itself?:S yesterday's night's tremors (according to reports) was also quite bad. both my parents got aroused from their bed.. one of my neighbour vomitted upon reaching flat ground. :S
and i think people are getting traumatised from the tremors...'cos it's like.. we don't usually experience it, so when we do experience a bit of it, it scares us like crazy as we do not know what's going on (alongside with the fact tt we don't know if the building can take the swaying). to us, it's perceived danger! hahaa. traumatised because we perceive it to be traumatising?:)
i hope my body can hold up today :( God, i need Your strength!

After straining my body with 6 straight hours of lessons and followup with hf, i strain it even more by finishing up allocating timeslots and drawing nonsensical stuff:)

Was reading the posts on the wall of the group that says 'Don't hate me because I'm Gifted' in facebook. haha. facebook tends to trigger off interesting comments:) I'm amused/surprised that people are still discussing about it after all these years. Actually, identifying with what one of them said 'I haven't thought of myself as a gepper for a very long time'. Yes, i know what you mean.
i think the thing about once being a gepper (it was just a programme in secondary school, to me at least) is that people assume that you're smart. I don't know how they define this. I'll much like to say that gep people tend to be off tangent in their own ways. hahaha. to some teachers, we were obnoxious, loud, rude and disrespectful. To others, they probably know us more as a fun-loving bunch of students who were encouraged to voice their views (amidst doing funny things in class). I guess along the way, the misconceived notions get wiped out, (or reinforced, depending on which batch of students you're looking at. and which teacher you talk to.)
Maybe that's when I started to feel strongly against discrimination. I remember explaining to some of the rest of the population that 'no, not all geppers are snobbish' and 'we're just normal people' and 'we study the same things... just that we have some stuff like IRS' and so on and so forth.
but other than that, we're pretty the same bunch of people as everyone else:) just nurtured in a slightly different style during the years when we were trying to form our identity. we had our share of problems (i don't know if they're exactly classified as normal.. ) and our share of fun times (e.g. soccer, basketball..). we formed groups and subsequently the groups dissolved after 4 years together.. we laugh, cry, hug, play, eat, bleed, breathe, live. and we don't study from 7am to 7pm (of which i've seen other students doing before O.o)
i think i quite enjoyed those years:) though for me, it was really a period of storm and stress (imagine my surprise when i learned that most adolescents don't have this period!), thinking back, i'm glad i went through it. being with the same 35 people from 4 years mean that you get the chance to know at least half of them pretty well.
seriously speaking, i don't think i'm gifted. i may be able to read faster, retain faster... but previous years of laziness has caused an effect on me psychologically and mentally. i've got gifted friends though:) not just in the area of study, but in the various areas they dabble in.. people who are successful in the eyes of the world. half of them are somewhere around the world. half of them in singapore. quite cool. hahaa. i'm friends with future lawyers, politicians, lots of psychologists and many people in their various areas of study.
yupyup. that's my little contribution on a long-forgotten topic.
oh!
and i've pretty much ascertained that my interest is in the field of psycholinguistics, particularly that dealing with disorders (e.g. SLI). or else i'm interested in disorders per se (e.g. down syndrome, williams syndrome). anything out of the norm interests me... especially when it affects the cognitive and behavioural component. how did i ascertain this? through my perpectually combined interest in languages, linguistics (wanting to do an english studies minor) and biology. hahaha. how do i know i'm not interested in other fields? primarily through my response towards certain modules. for e.g, i've always thought i had an interest in the clinical field of psychology.. but no.. trauma puts me to sleep. adolescent psych bores me slightly. social psych doesn't even prick my interest much. biological psych is fun, but i don't know how to expand on it.
i've not done cognitive psych.. so that'll probably be a good gauge of whether i'm really interested in psycholinguistics or not. interest does not indicate flair. let's see how it goes.
(and even as i type this, there's a part of me that's going : i wish i can just watch anime for a job. i don't mind writing up summaries for every episode and give comments and what-nots. lol)

This is an interested site --> click here .. courtesy of Dr Tan :) though i think it stresses me out just by being on the site itself, trying to write a word with the beautiful patterns and colours. Oh. but i really love the colours:)
Just as how I really love the colours on google calender (another application introduced by Dr Tan). hahaa. as well as the colours of the tabs in my firefox.
team captains' course yesterday. hohoho. i just realised that the last lesson's right smack in the middle of my exams. quite interesting i guess. 'cos previously no one has really defined team ministry for us before. yup. personally, i still enjoy pastoral ministry more than team ministry.. but i'm still glad to have the chance to learn more about the intricate workings within the church.

nature vs nurture.
another thing i've been thinking about:) hahaha.
i think the thought got triggered off when my microbes lecturer mentioned tt 75% of the students studying medicine have their own cars.. makes you wonder, doesn't it? the environment that one grows in does make a difference. the influence you get, the amount of pressure in terms of studies, the things expected of you from young, the training you get from young, the things that mould you as a person from young...
like for example, if you come from a family whereby your parents are both highly educated, there's a chance more than likely than your parents will expect the same of you.. and thus train you from young to be diligent, keeping watch over your work, instilling a sense the need to achieve higher... i'm not saying that these won't happen if your parents are not highly educated, it's just that i suppose the sense of the need to achieve higher might not be as great.. it's something desirable, but might not be something needed. and the felt need to aim even further might be even lesser if your parents are chinese speaking (?)
so all in all, it might actually boil down to SES. hahaha. okay. i went one big round to realise that SES is a good factor to consider when we look at things. bother.

oh shucks! my otah!

Haven't been updating for a while:) Can't remember the last time I've updated either.
School's been fine. IRP was coming to a small standstill due to my more phlegmatic nature (no. i don't think i'm choleric), but some hidden task-oriented nature within me kicked in after talking to steph on gmail and Dr Tan asked about my progress. ah. IRP is more troublesome than i thought it would be :) procedures are troublesome. i like to read journals. i like to read textbooks. i like to read. finito. but i don't like to use my brains to apply. what's the use in reading if you're not going to apply what you've read? LOL.
on a side note, my cat has just decided to go and sleep on her side right smack in the middle of my doorway. hmm. and she's just rolled over on her back, then subsequently recovered her sideways position and opened her eyes to look at what i'm doing. after deciding that what i'm doing is of no interest to her, she has decidedly closed her eyes once more, rolled on her back (with paws in the air) and proceeded to continue napping:)
you know. it's quite disastrous to have a goldfish in a tank (my family's newly acquired 'pet') along your corridor when you have a cat frequenting your house ever so often. i found her sitting on the floor, looking intently at the tank today. and thus, to prevent any possibility of a tragedy, i shifted a chair out, sat by the tank and proceeded to read the book i've got on loan from the clementi bookstore while waiting for the rest of the pple to show up to go for MAD (members appreciation day) together. now. wasn't that a mouthful? back to the goldfish. there were three. then 1 died. and then, another died. and this third one had no food for 6 days (though i seriously wonder if my neighbours have kindly been feeding the fish with their own fishfood) due to the fact that my dad seems to have the misguided notion that fishes do not need to eat (it could be that he's more used to dead fish.. seeing that he sells them everyday) and my mum have no inkling as to where she can obtain fishfood. due to my busy schedule and limited resources, i've also postponed the buying of fishfood till today. that's not to say that i didn't try.. i did! but the petshop in clementi didn't have fishfood. kekeke.
why am i on the topic of fishfood anyway?
goldfishes remind me of Dr Tan. 'cos she has a tank of formerly trained goldfishes in her office (formerly trained by Dr Trevor Penny to see if the fish do learn to follow light or something.. the trace of that memory has nicely eroded quite a bit). there were times within the week when i was considering asking Dr Tan if i can kope some of her fishfood to feed my poor dying goldfish which is going to starve to death soon. at some time during the week, i've also pondered the possibility that someone's gonna report us to SPCA for negligence in taking care of a pet. though i have no idea how the pet came to be, i'd guess any animal within a meter's radius of my household is automatically adopted, if not by me, by my parents, to be a pet.
i'm sleepy :)

After a few trial and errors, as well as reading the reviews online.. here's my own verdict on the Asience shampoo.

It causes dandruff. Not good for Singapore climate. Maybe it's just not suitable for me.

alternatively, Asience conditioner continues to have thumbs up from me:D

switching back to CLEAR shampoo. lalala.

You Are Likely a Second Born

At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate. At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating. When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism. In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative. Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels. You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.

The Birth Order Predictor

The results of the above quiz is pasted so as to remind us that these kind of quizzes (or all quizzes in general) can be faulty. i'm a first-born btw:)

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

hahaha

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

yay. i'm on the right path. hahaa.

You Are a Purple Crayon

Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors. You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful. People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you. And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off! Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

=] i like purple! and i dislike yellow. so there.

got this from yishyan's blog. hahaha. someone remind me to update my links soon:)

Rules: Each player of the game starts off by writing 6 weird things about themselves before choosing another 6 of their friends to "sabo". People who get tagged needs to write in a blog on their own, 6 weird things about themselves and state the rules clearly.

1) Coffee doesn't keep me awake. It makes me sleep :) haha.

2) Unlike most people, I have no particular preference for chocolates, soft toys, babies, clothes, shopping and shuai-ges/mei-nus. They just don't excite me as anime, games, sushi (:D:D:D)...

3) I like to chew on lemon slices. oishii.

4) I like the floor. I like to sit on the floor, sleep on the floor (if i'm staying overnight in people's house and there's no more space to sleep).

5) I don't watch tv. I've not watched any tv for around 1 year+++.

6) Eating cheesecake makes me depressed. I ate a slice of American cheese cake before and my emotions promptly dropped without reason before it slowly returned back to normal an hour later.

6 weird stuff from 6 ppl
Jiali, Zhen Zhong, Johnson, Zhi Chun, Shu Yi, Cindy
(dun feel obliged though:)

yay. finished. so tiring to think of things. haha