Haven't been updating for a while:) Can't remember the last time I've updated either.
School's been fine. IRP was coming to a small standstill due to my more phlegmatic nature (no. i don't think i'm choleric), but some hidden task-oriented nature within me kicked in after talking to steph on gmail and Dr Tan asked about my progress. ah. IRP is more troublesome than i thought it would be :) procedures are troublesome. i like to read journals. i like to read textbooks. i like to read. finito. but i don't like to use my brains to apply. what's the use in reading if you're not going to apply what you've read? LOL.
on a side note, my cat has just decided to go and sleep on her side right smack in the middle of my doorway. hmm. and she's just rolled over on her back, then subsequently recovered her sideways position and opened her eyes to look at what i'm doing. after deciding that what i'm doing is of no interest to her, she has decidedly closed her eyes once more, rolled on her back (with paws in the air) and proceeded to continue napping:)
you know. it's quite disastrous to have a goldfish in a tank (my family's newly acquired 'pet') along your corridor when you have a cat frequenting your house ever so often. i found her sitting on the floor, looking intently at the tank today. and thus, to prevent any possibility of a tragedy, i shifted a chair out, sat by the tank and proceeded to read the book i've got on loan from the clementi bookstore while waiting for the rest of the pple to show up to go for MAD (members appreciation day) together. now. wasn't that a mouthful? back to the goldfish. there were three. then 1 died. and then, another died. and this third one had no food for 6 days (though i seriously wonder if my neighbours have kindly been feeding the fish with their own fishfood) due to the fact that my dad seems to have the misguided notion that fishes do not need to eat (it could be that he's more used to dead fish.. seeing that he sells them everyday) and my mum have no inkling as to where she can obtain fishfood. due to my busy schedule and limited resources, i've also postponed the buying of fishfood till today. that's not to say that i didn't try.. i did! but the petshop in clementi didn't have fishfood. kekeke.
why am i on the topic of fishfood anyway?
goldfishes remind me of Dr Tan. 'cos she has a tank of formerly trained goldfishes in her office (formerly trained by Dr Trevor Penny to see if the fish do learn to follow light or something.. the trace of that memory has nicely eroded quite a bit). there were times within the week when i was considering asking Dr Tan if i can kope some of her fishfood to feed my poor dying goldfish which is going to starve to death soon. at some time during the week, i've also pondered the possibility that someone's gonna report us to SPCA for negligence in taking care of a pet. though i have no idea how the pet came to be, i'd guess any animal within a meter's radius of my household is automatically adopted, if not by me, by my parents, to be a pet.
i'm sleepy :)

After a few trial and errors, as well as reading the reviews online.. here's my own verdict on the Asience shampoo.

It causes dandruff. Not good for Singapore climate. Maybe it's just not suitable for me.

alternatively, Asience conditioner continues to have thumbs up from me:D

switching back to CLEAR shampoo. lalala.

You Are Likely a Second Born

At your darkest moments, you feel inadequate. At work and school. you do best when you're evaluating. When you love someone, you offer them constructive criticism. In friendship, you tend to give a lot of feedback - positive and negative. Your ideal careers are: accounting, banking, art, carpentry, decorating, teaching, and writing novels. You will leave your mark on the world with art and creative projects.

The Birth Order Predictor

The results of the above quiz is pasted so as to remind us that these kind of quizzes (or all quizzes in general) can be faulty. i'm a first-born btw:)

You Should Get a MD (Doctor of Medicine)

You're both compassionate and brilliant - a rare combination. You were born to be a doctor.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

hahaha

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

What's Your Inner Color?

yay. i'm on the right path. hahaa.

You Are a Purple Crayon

Your world is colored in dreamy, divine, and classy colors. You hold yourself to a sky high standard, and you are always graceful. People envy, idolize, and copy you without realizing it. You are an icon for those who know you. And while it is hard to be a perfectionist, rest assured it's paying off! Your color wheel opposite is yellow. While yellow people may be wise, they lack the manners and class needed to impress you.

What Color Crayon Are You?

=] i like purple! and i dislike yellow. so there.

got this from yishyan's blog. hahaha. someone remind me to update my links soon:)

Rules: Each player of the game starts off by writing 6 weird things about themselves before choosing another 6 of their friends to "sabo". People who get tagged needs to write in a blog on their own, 6 weird things about themselves and state the rules clearly.

1) Coffee doesn't keep me awake. It makes me sleep :) haha.

2) Unlike most people, I have no particular preference for chocolates, soft toys, babies, clothes, shopping and shuai-ges/mei-nus. They just don't excite me as anime, games, sushi (:D:D:D)...

3) I like to chew on lemon slices. oishii.

4) I like the floor. I like to sit on the floor, sleep on the floor (if i'm staying overnight in people's house and there's no more space to sleep).

5) I don't watch tv. I've not watched any tv for around 1 year+++.

6) Eating cheesecake makes me depressed. I ate a slice of American cheese cake before and my emotions promptly dropped without reason before it slowly returned back to normal an hour later.

6 weird stuff from 6 ppl
Jiali, Zhen Zhong, Johnson, Zhi Chun, Shu Yi, Cindy
(dun feel obliged though:)

yay. finished. so tiring to think of things. haha

never underestimate the workings of God. and never ever think that your actions don't matter.
twice in a month i've experienced what it means to be used by God as a direct vessel. twice in this month i've seen how God's hands move to shift things into position even before we pray about/for it.
how wondrous.
-------------
oh btw, i re-realised another thing today:)
God pursues.
be careful. hahaa. the more you run away, the more He pursues.

I just took a glimpse through the very long and very theological argument on facebook between Christians and Muslims (no offense to anyone here) about what the bible says about Jesus.. specifically, is Jesus God or is Jesus not? (ah. i rhyme. hahaa). Think it's quite interesting how the greek language is even brought in by the muslims so as to bring a more accurate translation of the bible:)
think when i was browsing through the answers, what struck me was that both sides' arguments will tend to be filtered through the lens of their beliefs.. it also reminded me of the teaching on a corrupted conscience:) a corrupted conscience will corrupt the pure truth.
anyway, i think it's an interesting argument:) i'm an intellectual at heart.. so doctrines and theology appeal to me, though it seemed to have decreased these days..partly 'cos of the fact that more and more people like to distort the knowledge they have to suit their needs and harden their minds towards listening to another opinion, partly 'cos sometimes a deeper heart knowledge is needed to ascertain what is true. as joanne puts it in the past (modified by me due to a badly decayed trace of memory), she could have debated for a long time with me over the doctrines of christianity, but one touch from heaven will change everything.
i've had that one personal experience from God even when i did not believe in Him.. it was enough to convince me in my heart that He is real.

frankly speaking, sleep is more attractive to me than waking up early in the morning to go for some running thing that you've paid for:)
but we'll see about it ba. haha

on a random note:
for the first time in my life, i've got a cut on my left cheek. it's created a thick flap sort of thing in the flesh and it's relatively painful. amusingly, i don't know how i got it.
same as how i don't know how i got the 3 x 3 cm bruise on my thigh.
O.o O.o O.o

i've often mentioned that i'm a sprinter, not a runner. 'cos i can't run far distance... i don't have the stamina to continue on at a constant speed. thankfully, God also make me a walker. i like to walk:) i can walk for a few hours straight if i'm given the time to. people enjoy running. i enjoy walking. i enjoy walking more if i have a destination in mind and i have a rough idea of how to get there. walking is my way of compensating for the fact that i can't run. it's i train up patience and perseverence in a different way. swimming laps is a comfortable activity for me too.
but i can't run.
i think, in a sense, what i can do physically mirrors what i can do emotionally, mentally and spiritually. give me a comfortable task, just slightly more taxing (similar to walking and swimming) and i can go on for quite a long time. give me a more stressful task (similar to running) and i'll do exactly what it's similar to in physical terms, run away. something at the fringe of my comfort zone will thrill me. something beyond my comfort zone will still me. thank God He always leads me one step at a time:)
i spent the whole evening running away from doing IRP related stuff. small things such as coordinating with weiping about the testing, emailing raymond, thinking more in depth about the experimental procedures and what to type in the study description.. instead, i was watching anime, reading up on phonetics and the chinese IPA (okay.. i guess this is related to IRP as well. hahaa) and cleaning up my room, all the time knowing that there's something i'm uncomfortable about, yet not resolving it.
i think the thing is that my decision of wanting to do my IRP has mainly been influenced by the people and circumstances around me.. the data collection at the kindergartens, michelle, weiling and jan doing their fyp, hoping to learn more from dr tan, intrigued by isobel, jitsy and nianying's isms... in a way, the whole idea of dabbling in research appealed to me and lured me to the bait. at the start, doubts and slight fears (i wonder if other people actually feel worried and scared about doing research themselves for the first time. i would think so, right?:) haha) were cushioned and eased mostly by the ongoing lab meetings and the much appreciated guidance from steph and dr tan.. but now that i'm really starting to do more things myself, it just dawns on me that i know so little on the procedures and whatnots.
which i guess, puts me in an excellent position to learn:)
so when i was bathing just now, i was thinking that i can't just base this IRP on the interest in research due to the presence of other people doing the same thing.. i can't base it on the excitement of dr tan in the field of psycholinguistics, or the comforting notion that isobel and seokhui (teo) are doing isms as well... i can't base the desire to do the IRP on other people. i need to personalise it:) i need to think about why i wanna do this IRP, think about the implications and think about what i really want to gain out of this whole experience. Taking proper ownership over it:) just like alpha.
a new perspective. still discovering and building up my love for research :)

Today during intro to trauma class, i was thinking to myself that perhaps i shouldn't have been lazy during secondary school and jc. hahaa. seems like i was complacent in the past.. complacency which led to laziness.. which prob led to me not using my brains and refining the synapses in it.. lol. and to think that our working memory is more or less fixed when we're in secondary school. what an 'encouraging' thought.
some people like to work, some like to study. i belong to the group of people who enjoys studying. i love reading, i love watching videos, i love things that stimulate me visually and audically (not that there's such a word. enlighten me pls, as to what word i can put in here:D) books intrigue me, anime holds its bind on me, videos captivate me and stimulate me to think even more than textbooks themselves. i learned more from an example put into context and spoken to me than 2 sems of reading notes. haha.
and i was wondering if there's a job that just requires you to rate anime and rate them. hahaa. though i've the feeling i'll get bored of it.
i love bio and i love lit:) and i like stats over maths per se. so in a way, psychology in social science contains the 3 elements which hold my interest. hahaa. and i've enjoyed myself quite a lot in psychology.. to the extent that i didn't quite realize that i'm already in year 3. blah.

My eyes are fixed on You Lord...

I was feeling a strange sort of unrest, of unease, of non-stillness.. i think it could have been slightly due to my IRP (the rp system is kinda bothering me quite a bit..), as well as for the fact that my F drive has gone nuts and now i can't retrieve anything from my thumb drive (which can be quite a problem if your eprime stuff and sound files are all inside there:D). anyway, i decided to play the guitar, and couldn't really settle my heart down to do so as well. opened up the soft copy of my songbook and i asked God to give me a song that'll speak to me.. and this is the song :)

D A G D
My eye are fixed on You O Lord
G A D
Your loving face I see
D A G D
I set my heart hard after You
G A D
I’ll follow You faithfully
D A G
Each weight I lay aside
Em D A
By grace I will abide
G A D Bm
Your staff and rod they comfort me
G A D Bm
And open up my eyes
G A D
You’ve open up my eyes

A D
To see Your holiness
A D
To be your righteousness
G D A
O how I need You Lord
A D
To see Your majesty
A D
To be Your family
G A D
Oh Lord I praise Your name

i can feel the lack of time. somehow or another, even though i only have a 3 day week.. my entire week seems very packed:S travelling back and forth to meet up with people, preparation time for ministry and then to meet people and then rearrangements needed to meet up...
monday can be summed up in recording calyn, meeting xiaoling (travelling between school and hougang), running with minchen and Alive!:) hahaa. oh, for those who're not aware, Alive! is a voluntary programme organised by Gen Acts in collaboration with Beyond service center.. we plan out stuff for the kids there in 3 stages... the whole programme will last 1 year:D i'm quite enjoying it so far. hahaa.
tuesday. what happened on tuesday?
hmm. tuesday wake up, prepare teachings, prepare more teachings and meet people. and meet people. hahaha. and meet people. wellus :) then read 1 readings and nearly fell asleep at the next.
today is wed.
i realised that my wed and thurs are super packed with studying stuff. hahaa. jialat sia. it's hard for me to do ministry stuff on wed and thurs 'cos they're packed full with lectures and what nots:) and friday is prob a day for me to do up my eprime programme... of which i've not editted the sound files.. i. am. so. behind. time. whahaha.
ohoh.
i came online to share about my funny lecturer:D he's in my microbes lecture and he's super amusing. he's got super a lot of general knowledge and tends to digress greatly as he teaches, but i enjoy his lectures very much due to the fact that he appeals to my thirst in knowing more things (albeit a tad random), as well as my appreciation for humour in people:) hahaa. for an example of his general knowledge, you can ask me about it. hahaa.
an IQ question from jeekai :) there's a long bridge that can take a maximum weight of 99kg. There's a performer who weighs 97kg on one side of the bridge. The performer has 3 gold bars with him, each weighing 1kg each. If he has to bring all 3 gold bars with him across the bridge at the same time, how can he do it such that when he crosses the bridge, the bridge will not collapse from the weight on it?
:)
have fun. this is simpler than the 8 eggs and 10 pill bottles question. hahaa :)

Religion versus Relationships

"Instead, we will lovingly follow the truth at all times—speaking truly, dealing truly, living truly—and so become more and more in every way like Christ who is the Head of his body, the Church."

God isn't into religion. He's into relationships. That is, he not only wants us to have a close, loving, warm and intimate relationship with himself but also with each other.

Intimacy, however, can be scary. It means being open, honest and vulnerable—not just with our thoughts and ideas, but much more so with our feelings, failures, and fears—not only with God but with at least one or a few other trusted friends.

What's scary is that if you see me and know me as I really am on the inside, you may not like me. Worse still, if I know me as I really am on the inside, I may not like me either!

However, only to the degree that I am open and honest can I ever be known for who I truly am. Furthermore, only to the degree that I am known, can I ever feel loved. If I wear a mask, you may like my mask, but I will never feel loved because my mask is not me. Only real people can experience real love. And we're not talking about the body-building TV ads that promise real results for real people. These ads are about as phony as they can get. Being real has to do with the inner self and nothing whatsoever to do with the external self.

May God help each of us to be real and become the loving persons he planned for us to be.

words, burden, ministry, people

words can hurt.
or lift people up.
the way we speak
the words we say
the impact we make
is great.

burden.
a load that the heart carries
a heart enveloped
a weight beyond what i can bear
submission to the Lord.

ministry.
a love for the people
worry for the people
building up of people
a brother dearly missed.
the joy of seeing you again.

people.
wearies me
worries me.
loves me. hurts me.

God calls us to forgive :)

saw this link on leanne's blog...
A blog about the death of a precious child
it's a blog done up by a couple who's recently sent another child to be with the Lord. I do agree, somehow their continual trust in God and understanding that God didn't make Ashley as an accident touched me.. and when you see the pictures, you start to share a bit in the pain that they experience as they send yet another beloved child of theirs off to another world. having the knowledge that the other world is a much better one, and having the intermixed feelings of joy and great grief as they've lost someone dear to them.
i don't know exactly how they feel, but as i read the blog, what came over me is a bitter grief that welled up into uncontrollable sobs... and then the beginning of a small resolution and hope as the understanding that they'll see their children again for a longer time yet in the future - in heaven.

today, me and michelle walked from bugis to 2 bus stops away from toa payoh:) it took us around 1 hour. then we took a bus up and realised michelle missed her last bus home by 5 mins. hehehe.

love is patient. so yes. i will be patient:)

we had cg today:) think today's cg is a more open time of sharing and reflecting for the past 2-3 months... i like times of reflection:) it enables pple to slow down, take a step back, get the bigger and more objective picture, learn and move on:) and in doing so, a person's character is built:)
encountered quite a few short tempers today. caused me to want to have a short temper myself. hahaa.
my stress level is going up=] it's not exactly very comfortable, but it's good for me:)

On a less moneyminded note, to kind of do something I've not done in a while due to the extra unexpected amount of cash, I went to watch a movie on impulse=] it happened at 8+pm when I was typing out the minutes and a choice was made in 15 minutes as to whether I should watch a movie or not. Armed with my wallet and my water bottle, i was on my way to the cinema 8 minutes away, when i saw the brother from adults.
I'm sorry, i have to call him the brother from adults because i can't remember his name:S
Yup:) caught up with him for a bit because I've not seen him for a few years... he was nice enough to accompany me to the ticketing booth, and then we settled at macs to chat for a bit. it was at macs, when i saw 2 other sisters from the poly group.. Ace and another sister of whom I do not know the name of:) haha. The whole world has decided to pass by Toa Payoh today. lol.
Turns out the brother saw Jitsy a few weeks back, is now studying information studies in NYP and is in Marcus' CG. After chatting for a while, I voiced the conclusion that God has wired him quite differently from me. He's interested in technical aspects of things.. whereas I'm more intrigued by colours and moldable stuff (e.g. digital media.. like adobe, flash and what-nots). Looking back, it seems as though I've judged too quickly.. 'cos it could be that we're just looking at one aspect of things:)
He decided to watch the 'Simpsons movie' as well.. partly 'cos he's not watched it before, partly to relax a bit after having 2 common tests. hahaa. Seeing that beforehand in school at HQ, I was kinda lamenting to Crystal watching a movie alone kind of defeats the purpose of watching a movie (especially so for a comedy), I thank God that He's sent over a brother for company and for catching up:)

woke up at 4am and realised that i've dozed off and ceased to wake up at 2am. haha. could hear the alarm ringing away in my parents' room as i went to take a bath. Could still hear the alarm ringing away after my bath O.o
Somehow or another, in the recent weeks, it's become clearer and clearer to me that my parents are not exactly very young anymore. And thus, in the recent weeks, the idea of saving up for my parents have kind of gotten stuck in my mind. It's relatively amusing to me when i keep receiving cash from all sorts of sources. Take for example, today at lab meeting. I went in, sat down, and promptly got requested by Dr Tan to sign beside my name to receive a small amount of cash for helping out in the first data collection. I was like 'Is that for me?' And there's another $25 next week to be collected from the computing department =) haha.
Not large sums of money, just pretty unexpected gifts of cash that were presented to me. And so, with the thought of having to save up in mind, I was evaluating to see if I would be able to survive now should my parents actually cease to be on this earth anymore (which has become more of a possibility now that my parents are aging more and more, and that my dad has recently started to forget a few things here and there. He's getting older:) Of course, the conclusion is that I can't survive on my own with my current savings. lol. Perhaps for a while, yes. but definitely not for long. Will probably have to quit going to school and work in MOE or something :)
What's the conclusion to the entire post?
It's important to save up xD

btw, instead of 'refresh'... mozilla terms it as 'reload'-ing. kinda breaks the sleekness of the whole skin 'cos it reminds me of the times when the game 'house of the dead (1 or 2)' will actually shout out 'reload! reload!' if you try to press the trigger after the shots have all been fired. lol

mozilla firefox has caused me to be very happy=) haha. all the add-ons and customizations. hahaa. and i've just realised that i can change the colour of my desktop bar:) i know i'm slow. i'm sorry. haha.
here's a screenshot of what i see now. pleasure for my tired eyes (from reading journals. xD)

will be tweaking it over the next few days:) just as how i'm packing up my desktop and my room (O.o) before school starts. the act of organizing things is making me quite delighted. hahaa.
on a side note, i don't know why people don't like the black design of ibm=] doesn't it look nice being all black and box-y? haha. it's just like a clean slate of charcoal, ready to scratched and designed. beauty of another kind:)
(and yes, i'm trying to avoid going back to Chiat. Gathercole and Alloway was of an easy and leisurely read.. but Chiat is not very palatable in the middle of the morning)

Thurs was lab meeting and outing to blu jaz=] friday was meet hweefung and read book day=] haha.
somehow or another, i enjoyed thursday's lab meeting:) i reached there slightly earlier and saw steph's car on the road along the way. went to the psych meeting room and saw that it was empty, then muttered to myself 'am i the first one here?' i got a reply from behind me 'no, you're not.'
fitriani was there before me:) hahaa. chatted with her for a bit.. i've never really talked to her before.. so it was on thurs that i realised that she's a mother (of 2, as i later learned).. whereby her oldest child is already 12 years old O.o haha. she's applied for masters in nie.. so amazing:) (let me digress for a little.. weezi's also very amazing. she's thinking of going on to masters in York as well!:D haha.)
yup. then steph came and opened the door. yay:)
as i said, i enjoyed it:) haha. i think it's 'cos for the first time, i realised that i'm doing an irp under phonological representation (was lamenting to iso that i didn't know that till thurs when Dr Tan nicely drew up that linking thing. we've decided to update each other on our research:) she's doing an ism under Dr Tsai Fen Fang.. social lab). hahaa. i've also realised that i actually do understand what Dr Tan was talking about when she presented her paper! the stuff about the infants before 10 months being able to differentiate between all the sounds and subsequently attenuating to the sounds within their language more and blah. the study steph presented reminded me of stats 2. hahaha. and i'm really glad i didn't throw everything back to the prof. hahah.
ah. but a call from jitsy, and subsequently a comment from Dr Tan caused me to realise that a lot of people are not around me in this sem.. and possibly in the next sem as well:) haha. pple such as jits (in shanghai), nianying (going off to canada?)and steph (going off to texas). actually not a lot ah. just feels strange i suppose. haha.
athifa just came back from the maldives=) and she went on a submarine trip! hahaa. beautiful pictures she was showing me.. pictures of a very very blue sea.
---
recently i realised that my way of showing love is through acts of service and gifts. haha. but i feel weird if pple keep saying thanks. so. erm. if you receive anything from me, or if you need help, just ask me. k?=]

sengkim sent me this link:)

this is the link

somehow it doesn't look very appealing at first.. but gradually somehwere along the way, it holds you in and at the end, tears which were not supposed to appear came along too.

Another lesson learned:) After recovering, give self a day or two to rest and fully recover before overexerting self again. hahaa.

Limits can be broken=]
but dun break too much of the physical limit.. 'cos ur body is ultimately the temple of God:) need to take good care of it. haha.
think i overexerted myself on sat.. when i slept for 2 hrs and woke up at 6 to send jits off.. then the ALIVE! programme.. then walked ard with the adult grp and some non adults grp pple (learned that we have a to-be-married couple in our midst !! and a super smart guy who can guess all my riddles! haha) and after that found nicholas, minchen and crystal and walked ard with them too=] then service (which was great! haha) and after that... dinner at this taiwan place, then took same bus home with john.
on sunday morning, i woke up 'not that happily' to a discomfort in my chest and a uncomfortable feeling of nausea=S when i woke up again at 9+, i realised that i can't get out of bed... too weak. so on sunday, i cancelled two appointments with pple and one tuition:S symptoms were as follows: nausea (which led to vomitting), fatigue (slept for whole day in bed), slight diarrhoea, general weakness (of the body) and lack of appetite (i ate 2 fishballs, one apple, one pear for the whole day. then proceeded to vomit them all out=D then ate a pill for nausea before managing to eat some porridge and cai xin at 11.45pm. caixin has never tasted so delicious. hahaha). tried to use the comp a few times, but attempts only left me weaker than before.. had to reply smses and what nots.. slept worrying about how to go to school to hand in my proposal form for irp.. and get dr tan to sign it. haha
thank God for michelle=] she was one of the people i cancelled the appointment with.. think she was praying for me throughout the day. haha. thanks for your prayers!
thank God for my mum too=] she was taking care of me the whole day. helping me to off the lights.. cooking the porridge for me, asking if i have fever and all that. thanks for trusting me to sleep it through too. hahaa. i really needed the sleep.
thank God for my dad. especially today.. when he sent me to school to hand in the IRP form.. and subsequently waited for me to send me back home. was still weak from being sick.. taking the nausea pill doesn't hide the fact that i haven't eaten anything much in the past 36hours. my body was breaking out in cold sweat just by walking from Dr Tan's office to my dad's lorry. haha.
thank God for hweefung too. the second person whom i broke an appointment with. cldn't meet her up today either 'cos of IRP form handing in, most resting and alpha prog celeb. haha.
and thank God for Dr Tan. haha. think she's very accomodating and reassuring=] thank you for being so reassuring! (though you prob won't see this. haha)
yup.
loved the ESS on saturday. the skit.. think zhichun and guanrui were really brilliant in their acting.. dorling and serene and joshua were great as supporting actors and actresses.. weilong was great in his mm editting, jiadai was great in her floor managering and i/c of the whole ess, zhenzhong was great in his directing and recording, hongyao was great in his recording and derek was great in his song writing! hahaa. the two songs sung in service were both written by him! (lyrics and tune=D) it was hilarious, with a pinch of a serious note. very entertaining. very class=] thumbs up to u all! xin ku le!
loved the ALIVE programme too=] could see everyone working together.. even though everyone's a volunteer.. everyone still put in a lot of effort to make the first session a memorable one. was quite surprised by the kids as well=] they're surprisingly responsive to us. hahaa. my group was in charge of 4 kids.. but only two (khairul and ramadan) turned up. khairul is super friendly.. haha. ramadan is a bit quieter=) but the reception was much warmer than expected. haha. i think something which really stuck to us was when we told the kids that we'll see them in a month's time.. and some actually replied that we (the volunteers) 'won't come back one'. guess it's really true that they may be sick and tired of volunteers who go there once and then disappear for the rest of their lives. the Alive! progamme seeks to debunk that.. to be there for one entire year. let's do our best for these children!=] and invest our lives in theirs.. such that they can do the same to others as well:)
- it only takes a spark, to keep the fire going-
alpha programming celeb=] i echo bowen's thoughts ba.. wishing that it was a deeper and longer time of sharing. but yup.. hope to have the chance to serve with you all again (timothy, ellson, huanyan, bowen, ruixia, venetia and joyce lim:). really enjoyed the time.. haha. and really learned a lot from each individual... and about myself as well.
heh. (and only God will know the full extent of what this 'heh' actually comprise of. hhaha)
oh yes. thanks to ellson for treating! lol.

today is an interesting day=] today we went to ntu for filming! haha.
Got the chance to know a few ntu brothers and sisters a bit more.. people like wilson, manmi, johnathan, hongyao=D hahaa.
probably left them with the impression that nus sisters are mad. oh well=]
first time walking nicely around ntu's north and south spine. hahaa. why is ntu so nicely decorated? haha. while nus looks quite like a university...
first time eating at Quad's (issit spelt this way?:)
first time filming at an ntu busstop..
first time standing in the middle of the road to read a book. hahaa.
quite excited for ESS this sat=] hope all goes well!
may the name of the Lord be glorified=]
---
then had cg meetup with dai for some sowing stuff. and subsequently went up mount faber to The Jewel Box's altivo bar with joyce to join jitsy and her cg for her farewell=] the scenary was really beautiful.. haha. appreciation pleasure=] something which is unexpected suddenly awes you.. and stirs up an appreciation within you=]

i feel tired. haha. think it's the alcohol.
plan. type. plan. bathe. sleep.

there's something within me that's stirring up emotions.
a beyond within me that is hard to put into words. a gentle swirl of emotions evoked when i saw the dead cat on the wet grass beside the road. when i heard about a sister from sengkim. news that shocked and stunned me.

ohoh! I realised something else these days=]
Realised that I've got a lot of seniors/schoolmates around me in Hope. hahaha.
let's start with JC!
In descending order of age...
NYJC (first three months) - Jan (didn't know him in JC), Zhenzhong (chinese society senior! haha. thought he'll deny it:P) , Carrie (bball senior!), Bowen (eh. indirect bball senior? 'cos guys team:S) , Jessie (same class in first three months. LOL).
VJC (after first three months) - Timothy (when I went in, he was already out), Swee Leong (same thing as Timothy), Joseph (used to meet up once a week. Can't remember for what le), Jitsy (lalala).
NYGH - Jiadai (one year older), Jitsy, Guanzhen, Ziwei (junior from gep), Ruisi (junior)
Poi Ching primary - Eng Hao (1 year older! hahaa), John (same year school mate)

Actually, I just knew about Eng Hao a few days ago, when we were going back home from Alpha camp. He knows Xuanrong (headprefect of the yr before mine, as well as being in wushu with me as well)! hahaa. so strange. hahaa.
Interesting, ya?=]

Been slightly behind time for my IRP. gotta hand in proposal by end of month and I've yet to do it up=] haha. then have yet to finish reading my dear beloved journals as well. And now there're 2 more journals for me to read 'cos of a lab meeting with this professor from another university next thurs noon. i feel a bit funny being the only undergraduate to be in the meeting. somehow i keep wondering if i'm supposed to be there. hahaa. In a way, i guess i've been given a lot of opportunities to know much more about this field (the field of psycholinguistics) and be able to expose myself to different people involved in this field of research. really thank God for this opportunity. haha. but on the other hand, i sometimes wonder if it's all too much for me. lol. i mean, going for the same lab meeting as ur lecturer to listen to another lecturer about her research in the field of psycholinguistics is kinda odd when you're going to attend the lecturer's module next semester and you have not even taken the core module of cognitive psychology (which is what psycholinguistics is based on). And i think I'm supposed to present on my IRP topic some time in september to the people in the lab meeting. the thought of it is not exactly very comforting=] hahaa. dr tan grinned happily when the thought of it crossed her mind though. lol.
gotta really thank God for how far He has brought me through to=] from promos in J1, to A levels in J2, getting into NUS psych despite my interesting grades and now being involved in research and having the chance to dabble deeper into the field... God, You're really bringing me into unknown zones which I myself do not even know if i can go into. haha. and all of a sudden, the difference between the modules in year 2 and year 3 is so wide! haha.
i'm entering year 3 with much anticipation, fear and trepidation. waiting upon God to see how He's gonna bring me through (think it'll be quite interesting:D)
yup. coming to the end of the holidays=] all the best people=]

Alpha is officially over. 4 sessions and 1 camp. over. and as venetia says.. there doesn't seem to be a finale in the heart. there isn't a finale in my heart as of yet either.. though slowly, gradually, yes. i understand. it's over.
as timothy puts it, sowing will continue on. but alpha.. it really is over.
somehow or another, i still feel as if we'll be having 9am meetings that last till 4pm.. the typing out of minutes in Tahoma font size 10, the preparing for things on friday before the sessions, the various phonecalls made in the middle of the night to settle things around.. the smses from timothy or ruixia or venetia or joyce to discuss about stuff. the gathering of people to come out with new and innovative ideas. the fellowship that comes with it. the meeting together in the programming room, preparing things, feeling tired, frustrated, yet having the joy to go on, encouraging one another, getting to know one another.
the sustenance by God throughout the late nights and early mornings (or in the event of no sleep at all), the ideas given by God at 3+ in the morning due to a change of plans and withdrawing of people right before Prison break even when we've reached the brink of fatigue, the reminders by God to the moulding of character even when the body feels tempted to sin...encouraged by sisters and brothers who slept for less than 2hrs in 2 days, have another camp after this, have diarrhoea and still continued to host excellently for God...
to reminisce of all these.
i thank You, my dear God.. for this rare chance.

some photos taken by venetia:)

From left: Venetia, Me, Ruixia and Joyce(Lim)

From left: Huanyan, Bowen and Timothy

=] the programmers! technically ellson is also inside.. but poor ellson is stuck in his job. hahaa.

-When i look into Your holiness
when i gaze into Your loveliness
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

When I found the joy of reaching Your heart
when my will becomes enthralled in Your love
when all things that surround
Become shadows in the light of You

I worship You, I worship You
the reason I live
Is to worship You-

worship, ascribing worth unto God.

speaking of temperaments, recently i redid the temperament test. just for the fun of it. and my results showed that i'm a sang cho instead. i hereby conclude tt the test is not very accurate=] because i dun think i'm choleric.
haha=]
i'm so looking forward to alpha camp! hahaa. looking forward to see the activities unfold, to see the plot unfold, to see the lives unfold=] looking forward to the enjoyable time of games, of joyful fatigue, of thoughtful reflections, of sharing lives together=] quite proud of the alpha camp. hahaa. 'cos it contains the elements of an orientationg camp (with the sincere intention to allow the freshmen to get to know each other and the seniors), yet among the rara-ness, there's also the element of thought, whereby together we can consider about some questions about life=] therein lies the element of something that's deeper than mere games and chatting. not saying that games and all that ain't good.. hahaa. it's just that if it's all there is, then it's kinda shallow, ain't it? =]
using activities to fill up the hole in the heart... then at the end of the day, when the activities end, all things remain the same. for temporal stuff can never fulfill the eternal need we have.

koped from zhenzhong!

Let's share a few interesting things around my life these days=]
1) Alpha Session 3
- OOh. I love this session! hahaa. Love the game (of getting KiaLokes to be in Asia room to guide the teams through the phone to form a map of the prison. whaha)
- I love the sharing by Claramae! Lots of stories, examples, analogies=D

2) Jitsy on the train to Woodlands.
- This silly girl. heard the ringtone that goes 'I'm gonna give you Gatsby... Gatsby...' from another girl on the train and formulated the idea of asking the girl to bluetooth the song to her. In the end, she really asked the girl! haha. the girl's quite friendly=) and guess what? the interesting thing is.. she got the ringtone by asking someone on the train to bluetooth it to her too!
Maybe this can be a new form of advertisement=D

3) Sleepover at yengyong's house with jitsy, yingxin and of course, yengyong. lol.
- We watched Paris, Je t'aime in the middle of the night. Not a good choice to watch in the middle of the night.. 'cos need to figure out what each short story is sharing about. OOOH. but i love the way they shot it and the presentation style. so brilliant!
- Breakfast buffet in the morning was not as exciting as it sounded. haha. but it's the company which perks me up=D

4) Combined team rally on sunday.
- I love the praise and worship! the gathering of believers enthusiastic for God and His purpose!

5) On the bus back home on Sunday.
- Went on the bus, and was asked by the bus driver if I know Chinese. LOL. apparently there're people who didn't where exactly they wanna go, and they speak in Chinese.. the bus driver was an indian (chinese-nonspeaking one..). so i became the interpreter=)

Yup. that's all=]

I think we're much busier during the holidays than during school term=] It kind of trains you up to be more and more diligent.
I've realised a few things about my working style ever since last semester. Self-awareness i suppose. Knowing myself so that I can be more effective in serving God - sober judgement of my weaknesses and strengths.
I realised that while I'm more effective doing things individually than in a group, I am even more effective doing things in pairs than individually. And it'll help if I can constantly communicate with the person (e.g. talking) 'cos talking helps me to organise my thoughts and having another person doing it with you reassures me.
IRP is kind of throwing me off my track. haha. Got an email from Dr Tan and I haven't replied her 'cos I don't know if my study is on track or not. Feels a bit lost 'cos I haven't really concretize my methodology for the experiment. And yet i have the feeling i can concretize it in one day if i really sit down and read and think about it. However, I've not finished reading my journals.. so if I go and do the experiment now, it may be a waste of time 'cos I didn't even concretize my exact objectives in mind. hmm. On one hand, I don't want to miss out on this pool of people and the chance to just integrate my study into already-done experiment. On the other hand, I'm not prepared enough to tap on this pool of people. In short,
I'm kinda lost. XD
And i just remembered a journal i need to read for the lab meeting. hoohoo. talk about being scatterbrained!
Oh by the way, I realised that (realised this some time ago) that I have a spectrum of behaviour for stress.
Mild stress (to me, my definition of mild stress and others' definition may be slightly different. haha) --> Hyped up. Challenge.
Moderate stress --> Zonk out. Distract self. Run away.
Extreme stress (e.g. tmr need to hand in report, today haven't do) --> Chiong. Do things quite effectively. But will die the next few days. hahaa.

so actually, mild stress is good for me. LOL. okay.
goodnight=]

in the words of Dr Tan:
'Just realised that it's already the end of June… argh'

argh indeed.
just finished watching naruto (the first series) episode 19. SO SAD.

Seems like we're supposed to post the answers to the questions in the 'true friend test (which is kinda biased.. hahaa. but yup)'
Here it is! (it's kinda strange doing this, yah?)
1) Which one of these ccas was I never in before?
Ans: The answer would be swimming. hahaa. I was in table tennis in P4 and 5, was in basketball and band in the first three months.

2) What are my two favourite characters from the Winnie the Pooh cartoon?
Ans: Tigger and Eeyore. Tigger 'cos he's orange and he's bouncy and he takes things in his stride. Eeyore 'cos of his melancholic nature and his endearing look=]

3) When did I first start wearing specs?
Ans: 4 years old. Sad thing ah. Kindergarten photos show everyone without specs and me wearing them. hahaha:)

4) Which bible character do I find myself identifying the most with?
Ans: hehee. A lot of people chose Peter. Why? hahaa. I identify the most with David. His songs of praise and worship towards God mirrors what I would say. His heart after God is what I want to emulate. His love towards people is what I wish to grow in more and more each day as well.

5) What is my language of love?
Ans: A lot of people chose words of affirmation for this. haha. I have two equal languages of love. touch and quality time:) surprise surprise. yes i know. Words of affirmation make me feel somewhat uncomfortable =] ha ha ha.

6) When did I start loving psychology and want to study it in uni?
Ans: Sec 2 xD Because of some show I can't remember now. hahahaa.

7) What is one instrument I've always wanted to learn since young?
Ans: The piano. Will try to learn from classmates about how to play the piano.. not the scales, but just how to play certain things. I love the sound of the piano. It did change to violin though, after I learned that my mum used to be a violin player...haha. Surprisingly, I can't sit through recitals. but i do enjoy watching anime with classical music. hahaha. depends.

8) What are three of my favourite fruits?
Ans: They're all yellow=] Lemon, mango and pineapple xD And no, yellow isn't my favourite colour.

9) When I'm shy or tired, I...
Ans: Become very quiet. Unless I have to talk.

10) What are my favourite colours?
Ans: Pink, purple and orange. the order changes. currently I prefer purple. There was a period of time which i preferred orange. depends=] but it revolves around these three colours. hahaha.

yup. the end.

Another thing which God reminded me about during Alpha.
the story of Nicodemus, a teacher of the law.
He knows a lot about the old testamant teachings and its prophecies, but he did not have a personal relationship with God.
let us continue to not just know more (in terms of knowledge and experience) in our heads, but know more in our hearts as well.

during worship today, the words 'God has set eternity in the hearts of men' kept coming to mind.. and when Jasmine spoke, she shared about God putting eternity into our hearts as well.
the verse itself:
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."
Ecclesiastes 3:11

God has set eternity in the hearts of men.. that's why men strive for things greater than themselves. things which are beyond what they see, things beyond what they can normally do. Beyond ourselves. Beyond the time we're limited by. A stirring in our hearts to do more..
Yet even as God has set eternity in our hearts, we're limited. We're limited by the works of sin.. the circumstances we find ourselves in, the limitations of our human body, our innate sinful nature that's been with us ever since we're born. there exists the constant struggle which lies between the hope for eternity, and our limitations.
And as human beings, we really do tend to look to the physical. When circumstances go bad, we doubt. When things don't go our way, we question. When situations get tougher, we run away. When the questions get too hard, we look for an easy explanation out. And we slowly cover the eternity set in our hearts with the limitations we possess, then we slowly melt into a sluggish blob of mash, instead of being the vessel which we can be in Christ.
And we forget that our destiny is in Christ. That we can be victorious in Him. that we can do much more when we let Jesus be at the steering wheel instead.
When we are weak, then we are strong.. because of we have an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-living God.

'lovely complex' is nice:)
it's more for girls though. hahaa.
a bit shallow. but quite funny.
cheers me up on thoughtful nights=D

Recently i got too used to the sleeping at 4am, wake up at 10 or 11am routine. So when i slept at 4+am, and had to wake up at 8+ today..i really struggled. i was happily zonked out=D awoke at 9.30am in the end, washed up, changed, grabbed my sermon notebook and went out of the house at 9.50am. Thank God for fresh morning air:)
i was super exhausted for the whole day. haha. but thank God that it wasn't during the times when i had to serve. while doing infocounter, i was relatively awake... hahaa. then when i went for lunch, i started to be sleepy again:S drinking coffee doesn't help:P it caused me to fall asleep while sitting upright.
ohohoh. but today was quite an intriguing day:D first time i saw nexus filled with so few pple. so quiet! so strange. hahaa. nevertheless, really quite amazed at the pple who came for service (even though their caregroup pple are like overseas and all..) these people had the desire to worship God for who He is, regardless of whether their cg members are there to prompt them. having the conviction which prompted them to love God even when no one is there to see. i thank God for these people:) got some pple came at the wrong timing though. haha. so poor thing.
i got to see lots of kids! hahaa. 'cos they were having hopetots at europe room..then they ended earlier than the adults. hahaa. you see small little human beings (around the age of 2) walking around.. playing in front of the mirror, falling and crying (:S), messing up bulletins:D saw sophica again! (the child of the hope germany couple.. issit hope germany.. hmm) caught her wandering ard the counter, picking pamphlets up and throwing them all over the floor. hahaha! so naughty! lol. then subsequently she fell onto another toddler. literally squished her happily XD before that she was lifting up the flap of a pram, then the toddler inside pulled it down again. so it went on. up, down up... then wander off.
seeing toddlers elicited a desire in me to want to experiment on them. hahaha!
oh oh! i made a new friend with the philipino group pple:) her name is Fiona. she's 15 months old and she pronounces her name as Iona. She decided to emulate Sophica and throw pamphlets on the floor too=] hahaha. but she's so smart! i waved to her, she waved to me. then i clapped and she clapped. and we clapped in turn to the praise song. hahaha. delightful:)
[mental note: at 1 yr 3 months, some babies dunno how to pronounce the sound of 'f']
i read somewhere that 'Father' is the gentlest name for a guy... think i saw lots of fathers today=] it's like mori senpai with honey senpai on his shoulders. he can look dao.. or aloof.. but when the 'lovely item' is on his shoulders, it softened the whole outlook. the amazing thing is, i saw more fathers carrying childen today than mothers. maybe 'cos it's father's day. haha.
i'm not particularly a lover of children:) but these toddlers perked my day. haha. their antics entertain them. i think if i have a child, i'll be laughing at him or her all day. poor child:P LOL

i'm sending my laptop for repair. so sad.
=(
supposed to send u today..but the thought of kinda put me down. hahaa.
no la. just lazy to go to sch to send it for repair. tmr:P

Today i met up with Dr Tan in her office to discuss about a possible IRP topic. She's very nice.. going through with me the possible things I can do.. as well as when i can conduct the experiments and all. I came out thinking 'what did I get myself into?' =S=S=S lol. shucks. i really don't know what to do.. haha. i work better alone.. but i think i work better alone when clear guidelines are already given. haha. i guess it'll be a nice challenge=D but i'll need help. do help me. wahaha.
This week is a week of meetups=] Tiring on the body, tiring on the wallet, but refreshing to the soul=] haha. Update another time ba. and i seriously think my laptop needs repairing le. so sad.

An excerpt from an email from Dr Tan:)

We are looking for healthy volunteers aged between 18 and 89 years old, who will be willing to take part in our research study involving language and cognition. You will be asked to do some simple reading tasks and cognitive tests. You will receive $20 for your time and effort, and sessions can be held at your home. Interested volunteers are requested to email Geetha at psygv@nus.edu.sg or call 6516 5000.

Please help. hahaha. thank you=] it's not easy to get subjects. By the way, Geetha might even be willing to go down to your house i think. If she asks how you know abt the experiment, you're welcome to say you got it from my blog. LOL. kidding:)

the bottomline is, help=]

kekeke.


Create your own Friend Test here

thanks you michelle (and even jan) in discussing with me about the decision to do IRP or not. hehe. IRP is individualised research project.. a module in the many 3000 modules available to psychology majors=] it never really crossed my mind to want to take this module until jitsy and iso and nianying took it. then i think i got influenced by michelle doing her honours and weiling doing her fyp.. whahaa. so yup, just sent out an email to tan seok hui to ask if she can be my supervisor for the module. ah. so scary=S
i saw her today during campus tour. was bringing 2 freshmen (along with jeffrey) the new psych department. apparently i'm still shy around lecturers:P ahhh. and super funny. 'cos xingyan came to join us for campus tour after that. then we were talking very happily:P 'cos i used to be her psgl. haha. think had a nice talk with her:) catching up ba. i still remember alice. and she's coming to psych as well! hehe.
we had cg in smu today!=] it was an intriguing experience. and truly, we can worship God anywhere, as long as our hearts are in it=] haha. think still need to ask for feedback ba.
dinnertime was a bit quiet. just shows we have room to know each other more=]
hehe. today i prayed that God will increase my finances. today my mum picked up $80 on the streets. whahaa.

this is my 1441 th post on this blog.
it's 3.21am in the morning and i wonder why i'm not sleeping.
recently i've been relatively obsessed with numbers.
150.
55.
80.
2.
24 years old. 12 years old. 5 years old.
when i was 1, i had so little hair my mum had to give me a cap.
when i was 2, i took a picture with my nephew (who's now in the same cg as me) in a chair.
when i was 3, i don't remember much.
when i was 4, i started to wear specs.
when i was 5 i had k1.
when i was 6, i was in py6 in poiching.
when i was 7, i was in dance and calligraphy.
when i was 8, i quitted dance.
when i was 9, i went into rediffusion as a child dj in training.
when i was 10, we won the choir competitions. i made my maths teacher cry. i also made another classmate cry. the sister of my best friend at p4 is now in ellson's cg.
when i was 11, i acquired a brother (kokrui), a sister (yuanling), a crush (xavier), a chatting on the phone friend (hannah) and stumbled the faith of my christian friend (yuerong).
when i was 12, i remember thinking i wanna be 24 years old so that i can get married. i shook hands with the principal when the results were out. i thought that the phone call abt gep was a joke.
when i was 13, i failed my history. i started mudding.
when i was 14, i had my first crush on a female.
when i was 15, we started having singing sessions every monday.
when i was 16, we played basketball/soccer almost everyday during break and after school.
when i was 17, i received Christ in my life.
when i was 18, i had my first followuppee, then first sheep, then more sheep. i started to fear macdonalds shepherding as most of my last shepherding sessions were in macs.
when i was 19, i had my first cg. i learnt about trusting God in seemingly impossible situations when He brought me through to uni, exactly at where i've always wanted, despite my grades. i had my first thought of backsliding. i had my first quarrel with my shepherd (ever).
when i was 20, i felt like giving up.
now i am 21, i'm glad i didn't:)

numbers help us chart things. impersonal and general. but behind every number there's a heart message to it.
30 may 2007. what does it mean to us? is it merely another date? or is it THE date that you'll carry through to the end of your life?

250386 - the birthday of my first serious crush
290303 - my spiritual birthday
300303 - holy spirit bap
150603 - water bap
300603 - membership class.

what have we learnt out of each day we go through? how have we grown from each point in life that we've marked?
the dates that we remember. why do we hold them in our hearts?
some dates are not meant to be carried with us for long. will i be willing to depart from these dates?

120502 - the day i attempted suicide.

150 | 310108

Last tuesday to friday was uni camp=] had quite a few personal breakthroughs during the camp. wanted to go there to rest and recharge, though it didn't seem to happen in the physical sense, spiritually, it was really a time of letting go, relearning, resting and recharging:)

- then sings my soul
my Saviour God to thee
how great thou art
how great thou art-

don't have experiments anymore.. said okay to helping with data keying in that kinda thing, but i think steph thinks i'm very busy. haha. ah well=] today was a more busy day i suppose. dmm, then alpha meet, then io. but really had a good time knowing vicky, may and xinfu better. haha. they're very friendly juniors:) poor ruisi was stuck with me in the other cinema watching pirates('cos we got these seats later) while everyone else was in one cinema. thank God for you sister=) hope to know you more in the days ahead as well. haha. do you even read this? hmm.

koped this from jiali's blog! but i think pple won't be able to see the comic XD.. anyway, it's not entirely accurate. i don't count my change XD

Your Score: 6 - the Questioner

Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX (aka "The Loyalist").

"I am affectionate and skeptical"

Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative.

How to Get Along with Me

• Be direct and clear.
  
• Listen to me carefully.
  
• Don't judge me for my anxiety.
  
• Work things through with me.
  
• Reassure me that everything is OK between us.
  
• Laugh and make jokes with me.
  
• Gently push me toward new experiences.
  
• Try not to overreact to my overreacting.

What I Like About Being a Six

• being committed and faithful to family and friends
  
• being responsible and hardworking
  
• being compassionate toward others
  
• having intellect and wit
  
• being a nonconformist
  
• confronting danger bravely
  
• being direct and assertive

What's Hard About Being a Six

(this one, except for the last one, is not very true)

• the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind
  
• procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself
  
• fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of
  
• exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger
  
• wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right
  
• being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations

Sixes as Children Often

(this one, i have no comments as well XD)

• are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn
  
• are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger
  
• form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent
  
• look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel
  
• are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent

Sixes as Parents

(sounds good. hahaha)

• are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty
  
• are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence
  
• worry more than most that their children will get hurt
  
• sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test?
so S P R E A D I T ! tell everyone!!! (use Quick-Paste below)

you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type...

...even more you'll find in Google

or do you prefer to

---

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose CY

Would you rather have chosen:

AY (EIGHT)

BY (FOUR)

CX (TWO)

CZ (ONE)

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

-He is my everything
He is my all
He is my everything
both great and small
He gave His life for me
made everything new
He is my everything
now how about you?-

was talking to kevin about the definiton of 'everything'. he was sharing with me his thoughts on reading Job. everyone's definition of 'everything' is different.. at different periods of time, our 'everything' may include more worldly possessions, at certain times, maybe not so. i was telling him i'm glad his heart has grown:) grown to forgive, and grown to be more mature in his thoughts towards the things around him.
yesterday. yesterday was a day about modules and experiments and lecturers (funny ones and not so funny ones) and IRPs and Honours year and what to do after coming out of university and Grace and Steph and Shimin and Dr Tan. i really enjoyed the time talking to Grace about the lecturers and about IRPs and tan seok hui and what nots. hahaa. think i haven't really talked to a senior properly about it before. it's kinda interesting, hearing more from people who've gone down this route (other than hearing from christine and winnie and huichun:D). and thank God for steph. haha. somehow or another, i'm always very shy around lecturers :P:P:P having steph there was quite comforting, one way or another. lol. terrorizing seokhui's fishes helped too XD
stayed overnight at zhichun's house on wed night=] hahaa. poor zhichun had to entertain two batches of people - the first batch comprising of zhenzhong and wanyu, and the second of me and weiling:) we watched 'happy birthday'... seriously speaking, i kinda got bored at the start and remained bored till the end. i like movies which are more symbolic and not just a shallow kinda comedy, no-plot kinda senseless movie.. but 'happy birthday' had too many signs to decode that it gets tiring just to decode the signs, so as to follow the plot more closely. and it's not really the kinda movie i'll wanna watch at night. hahaa. but it was an enjoyable time with zhichun and weiling.. we gotta see zhichun's photos and her various crushes. hahaha.
---
maybe i should set aside a day and $20, just to sit at some cafe and talk to different friends whom i haven't met for some time:) haha.
yah i should.

hahahaa. tan seok hui is super funny. she sent us an email with directions on how to get to her new office and the reference to alice in wonderland reminded me of ziwei. hahaa.
anyway, she very nicely taught us about things to take note while selecting people to be recorded using Goldwave, as well as some editting stuff:) and she tried to make it more interesting by putting practice stuff in between! haha.
ooh. i'm so tired. type more tmr:) seeya.

Recently (or not so recently), I was in the 3rd ever team leaders' meeting.. and i learnt something quite interesting:D it's the definition of what it means to be spiritual.
there's a need for the definition due to human beings having the tendency to go to extremes: the extreme of mystifying spirtuality (e.g. being spiritual means DEFINITELY must be slain in the spirit, or being spiritual means bringing in Satan in EVERYTHING the person faces.) and dividing betwene 'spiritual' and 'admin' things.. (e.g. worship leading is more spiritual... but leading games is not.. that kinda thing).
And there are also people who are 'spiritual' in the way they speak, but super don't follow bible in the way they lead their life:)
so yup. there's a need for the definition:
"Spiritual"
1) Becoming more like Christ
2) Being Spirit filled and spirit led
3) Being reserved for God's use
4) Seeing things from God's perspective
5) Living according to God's precepts in Scripture
yup=] thought it'll give us a proper perspective towards this word:) Learnt some very interesting stuff from the book 'Where is God when it hurts' as well=) will share in the future (e.g. when i have more time. haha).
Wanna share some stuff here too..
Realised from the generation acts volunteerism exhibition that one of the goals of the ALIVE! programme is to literally tell the kids they're helping that they're not the worst people. That they can help others as well:) I read it recently in 'where is God when it hurts' as well. Some people, when facing a major crisis in their life, or when going through unchangeable things in their life (e.g. having cancer), blame their situation on everybody and falls into the category of helplessness and bitterness and anger. Others look at their situation and think of ways that they can still help others. There are some who ask 'Why am i going through this? Why is it not someone else? Why am i going through agony and others having blessings?'. There are still some others who go past the 'why' stage and go to the stage of 'how'... How can i still glorify God in these circumstances? How can i make the most out of this? How can i be a vessel for God? And these people tend to have their pain eased as they focus outwards, instead of inwards:) For they've realised more of what the verse 'When i am weak, then i am strong' means.
All in all, the way we respond come in a matter of perspective. What perspective we take, or choose to take, whose perspective we choose to obtain:) Let's stop being so inward looking (thinking that no one else understands, no one else has gone through the same as me, no one cares about me) to being more outward looking (how can i be the one to understand others? how can i care about other people more?)... Be like Jesus, whose thoughts and life were always for His people.

there are many people in my life whom i've loved, and still love. there are people who are close to me, people who are not close to me, people who i guess i will never have the chance to tell them i appreciate them:)
had the idea of taking the photos of the various people who have been in my life, loved me as a friend/sister/student one way or another and putting them in a book:) that even as they might not be in my life already, i'll remember of them and keep them in my heart:) and maybe one day, when i've overcome feelings of shyness, to write them a letter and tell them that they've made an impact in my life, just through their presence:) and that they've taught me something along the way.
there'll be a lot of people though. haha. but some immediate ones whom i won't get to see very soon will probably be steph(the kindergarten steph) and tan seok hui (whom i'll see on thurs).
and of course, the 'old' ones like jitsy, iso, qing, fungi, weezi, steph and so on and so forth... and people i seldom see nowadays, like junting, huichun.. even people i see now, jiali, sengkim, michelle, weiling, jan and so on and so forth. hope people. non hope people:)
i love these people with my life. sometimes i wish i can spend more time with them, get to know them more... sometimes i'm too shy to ask. and sometimes i let other things overwhelm my time, then when the quiet of the night comes and i remember of these people, i wonder exactly what i'm doing.
was talking to steph in her car today (she very nicely drove me to buona vista. haha) and learnt that tan seok hui signed on with nus for two more years. was actually quite happy to hear that... 'cos was hoping that i can take more of her modules, as well as thinking of doing an ism under her (or under sim teck ngee=]) and steph very nicely presumed that i'll be having 2 more years in nus. when she said that, it kinda struck me that the people around me really do propel me forward by quite a bit. Like how having isobel and jitsy and nianying helped me to enjoy issues in development and propelled me to be more hardworking in this module.. and how michelle's words one night during one exam day sparked once again the ebbing desire in my heart to strive for honours. how people around me have one way or another soothed my anxiousness towards things, or guided me towards hope when i start to give up hope on myself.

thank you God, for sending these people into my life:)

Been busy:) Busy, fumbled a bit at times..but nevertheless quite fulfilling:)
haha. experiments are super tiring. Sometimes you really feel like strangling some kids xD but other kids are super adorable=D hahaa. i like belynn! and jiayi! and bryan! and jackson is too small for his clothes! hahaa =D i like xinxuan too! and aathi! hahaa. not the smartest kids =) but adorable 'cos they're innocent and willing to help=)
those are the kids from morning session. haha. i like the kids in the afternoon session too:) like kathy! and erna (super smart and pretty girl!) and eva (though sometimes i wonder if she knows my instructions.. haha). okay, i'm biased:)
And i'm glad I got the chance to know Seokhui and Tina more:) and gotta know Steph more too=] at least next time if i get stranded at NTU, i can plant myself temporarily at her house. hahaha.
this week is the week of changes once again=] let's see what happens.

Tomorrow's the first day whereby we'll be conducting the experiments without Steph or Sheralyn or Pekhar... wahh. so scary.
such a confusing day. haha. but i think i can understand that they're very busy too. and seriously speaking, the funding is not much. quite unfair ah? funding for psychology is not much, whereas funding for computing is enough for them to pay $10 per survey. we dun even have enough money to buy laptops. lol. need to borrow from dean's office and return by 17th may. whaha.
i think i was kinda grumbling about the installation of the programme thing for yesterday 'cos it kinda wasted a few hours of my time, as well as lots of my energy (running from arts to yih to science and back to arts and up and down as6 to finally realise that the programme can't be installed on my laptop. hahaa).
hehe. i'm grumbling no more:) dr susan drove down especially to my house to pass me the ibm laptop (with EVERYTHING installed in it. hurray!) at 10.30pm just now. so funny. special delivery. i've read through the instructions and tried out the programme. now just have to wait till tmr:)
yup. cannot reveal much le. let's pray that everything goes well tomorrow:)
my study plan of using monday and tuesday fully is kinda gone. hahaa. let's pray that i can finish studying for TS too=]

i'm super looking forward to may:) looking forward to Alpha, looking forward to all the experiments (though a bit apprehensive) that we're conducting, looking forward to planning out my time, cleaning out my room, watching some plays here and there:)
yup=)
looking forward to birthday celebrations and planning them. wahhaa. the planning part, i suppose:) the time to plan and sort out things properly. keke.

To Know You - Nicole Nordeman

Its well past midnight
And Im awake with questions that wont
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction
On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face

Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
Ive lied if Ive denied
The common ground Ive shared with him

Chorus
And I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
Im just tryin to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still

Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You

Repeat Chorus

No more campin on the porch of indecision
No more sleepin under stars of apathy
And it might be easier to dream
But dreamins not for me

Repeat Chorus
--------------------------

Adonai
I lift my voice
I lift my praise to You
I lift my hands
I lift my worship to You
And I love You more than I can say
Oh I love You more than I can say

Ever I will sing only You will I adore
Glorify my Lord only You will I serve
For the world will fade away
Still my song to You remains
Only You will I adore

Oh I love You always
Oh I love You always

--------
i fell asleep just now when i reached home. heh. i think it's another parasympathetic rebound :)
really wanna thank God for bio psych exam:) 'cos i originally wanted to study in the first few days of the exams...but it was taken up due to TS :S so yup, only had thursday and friday to study and i wondered if i'll finish. haha. but thank God, i managed to read through and study:) though i worried if i can remember the information 'cos i tried to use my explicit memory but nothing much came out. hahaa. God helped me retain my information:) i could do the questions fluently for the reason-assertion and mcqs:) some people don't like reason-assertion questions...i adore them. xD haha.
bio psych exam was quite scary for me:) 'cos i was sitting to the right of the hall... and Trevor (my lecturer.. he's an associate professor) kept walking up and down to my right. hahaha. that's not the scariest part. remember i was working with a masters student called Steph on the kindergarten thing? she happened to help invigilate today. it was relatively amusing to me. until she walked up and down to my right in place of Trevor. haha. so stressful:S she was also the one to check all the names. For the front few tables, she took up the card to check. When she reached my table, she walked past it happily. lol. so weird 'cos you can't exactly say hi in the hall, yet you feel weird not acknowledging her presence:)
oh well. that's it for now:) Thank God for Lancaster who officially joined us today for infocounter=] haven't had much time to plan out for infocounter..but i'm going to make some minor adjustments again. hehe.

this flash file shows you lots of nice cursors ->> click here
got it from this website :)

there're 7 deadly sins in the world.
recently, i've been encountering anger. and it caused me to realize how much a lack of self control i have over this sin. and how much lax i've given to anger :(
but to replace anger, i need patience with other people. i need to love others. i need to see things from different perspectives. i need to understand other people more. and to have these, i need the constant presence of God and the constant infilling of the Holy Spirit :)
so do fill free to speak the Word of God into my life if you see me being angry.
- i trade my ashes in for beauty
i wear forigveness like a crown
here at the gentle feet of mercy
i lay every burden down
at the foot of the cross -
family is such a troublesome affair.
i really do need to get rid of pet peeves too (e.g. being super irritated when i'm wrongly accused of doing something i didn't do. Jesus wasn't super irritated when this happened to Him. He saw beyond what was on the surface and looked into what the person really needed - be it correction, or the forgiveness of sins).

oh yes. i went to the kindergarten to administer the tests today:) research is really unglamorous. 4 kids took me 2 hrs to administer the test. really tiring. hahaa. steph said that if i can 'volunteer' more in may, she'll put me in charge of administering the tests in the toa payoh kindergarten, with people helping me. i'm a part-time research assistant now.. think if i 'volunteer' more, i'll become a full time research assistant. so fun:) i wonder if i'll ever get to administer the ppvt and other tasks. hahaa.
5 year old kids are adorable. but they don't talk much. so boring. ha ha ha

today is my 'annoyed' day. i was annoyed with a few grps of people=] i was annoyed with the first group 'cos of the lack of constructive comments. i was annoyed with the second group 'cos my stuff was scattered all over 2 different rooms.
but it's okay now=]
in school now.. wanted to read the chapter 7 of the bio psych textbook but my textbook is missing. guess i'll read developmental psych instead=]

today i went for the blood thing to provide serum for michelle's phd student's allergen thing. the doctor couldn't find my vein and had to call an experienced nurse (who takes blood from people everyday) down (especially for me!). celine is a very nice lady:) i asked her if she feels stressed drawing blood from me but she said she enjoys it. apparently, the people with easy-to-find veins provide her with no challenge. people like me make her job interesting. hahaa. so funny. but she's brilliant. she feel, feel, then she took blood from my right arm! no one (for the three times i've donated blood) has taken blood from my right arm 'cos they really can't find the vein. hahaa. it didn't hurt when the needle went in.. her hand was super steady 'cos they had to fill three tubes of blood. but it hurt slightly when the needle came out. haha.
some other stuff happened during the time..but it's all alright now:)
went to the psych grads room to look for steph for the training cum briefing session. haha. GUESS WHAT! she looks like tan seok hui. *faint* when i saw her i was like O.o then when she started to brief me and describe how she makes the task interesting for the kids, i was even more amused. ha ha ha ha ha. maybe all developmental psychologists talk and behave in the same way XD hahaha. but she's quite nice:) i was actually pretty worried after i heard abt how to administer the tests. scared that i'll make the kids cry. haha.
i'm working with k1 kids! (5 years old). administering the (u can click on the tests to find out more)Coloured progressive matrices and the Word Reading Subtest from WRAT4. Tomorrow might be administering the spelling test from WRAT4 as well, but see how first.
Today is also the day of rental of costumes ($20 for 7 days..) and the buying of some of the props:) and the onset of headache :(
Exams:) i enjoy exams :) but this sem, really not much time to study. so sad. ts practical exam just disrupted my entire study plan. haha.

=)
today we're featuring two of my favourite psychology lecturers =)
haha.
First is Tan Seok Hui =)
her website is http://ap3.fas.nus.edu.sg/fass/psytsh/
yay. she teaches developmental psy=] specifically in language and cognitive aspects of infants. 18-year-old infants.

Second is Sim Tick Ngee =)
unfortunately, he doesn't do up his website. hahahaa. so sad. anyway, he teaches me Stats2. and apparently, he dabbles into the field of parent aggression on children. as well as race and religion. haha. he's a christian =)

and this is the lecturer i'm helping out with =)
Dr Susan Liow

i think my lecturers are brilliant=) hope i can take adolescent psy next sem! haha. i wonder if tan seok hui is teaching any more modules. hahaa.

I've completely turned my schedules upside down these days. hahaa. it's called the end-of-term-must-cause-everything-to-flip-around syndrome. only applies to me:) and now i don't exactly feel very tired, nor am i motivated to study for a 7.5% stats mcq test:S haha.
i'm looking forward to helping out in administering the tests to the kindergarten children:) Excited.. haha. 'cos i think it's not something everyone gets to do everyday, but apprehensive as well. 'Cos i just realised i know zilch about the tests. hahaa. or perhaps i do know a bit about the tests, but to administer it:S what if i screw up the results? xD oooh. but if something does come out from it and it's published in a journal, it'll be so exciting to know that you've helped out in the administering of the tests which produced these results. haha. and guess what? they're starting with kindergarten children from toa payoh =)
i always find it amazing where developmental psych is leading me to.. At first, i've thought that dev psych will be the module which i find the most boring -- maybe 'cos i wasn't that interested in children. hahaa. perhaps i got influenced by tan seok hui. haha. atypical development in human beings.. and children.. haha. research is another field which never really occurred to me. but i've developed an interest in conducting experiments. haha. to see if things will turn out the way they're supposed to. and though i still do not understand fully the things taught in stats2, stats no longer deter me before i knew it:) perhaps 'cos of the lecturers as well.
i'm glad that i took issues in development this semester with jits, isobel and nianying:) haha. i think without them around, it wouldn't have been as enjoyable. each lecture feels casual ('cos dr tan knows us by name already. haha) and having them around really motivated me to study (e.g. for the test even when it's only 10%. haha). yup. and the signing up of things:) think if they weren't in the same lecture as me, i would have skipped the chance of signing up. too shy:P
looking forward to the training and briefing session on monday. hope i don't see dr tan. very paiseh. hope i don't see trevor or sim teck ngee either. even more paiseh. hahaha.
looking forward to theatre studies too. haven't memorized my lines:) went to search up videos of the pope yesterday. now i have more hand gestures. haha.

=) =) =)
watashi wa uershi desu!
doshite?
watashi get the chance to help out administering tests to kindergarten kids desu =) and the first few kindergartens are in Toa Payoh desu XD
woooooohooooooooo.

alternatively, i could be extra ureshi 'cos of the fact that i haven't slept:) it's 7.24am. and the sun is brightly shining. and the cat is happily meowing. and xinying is sleepily typing. =)

Skywire Take control of the cable car and get the passengers to safety.

Play this free game now!!

The Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot

It was a beautiful let down
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful let down
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubt
I was trying so hard to fit in, fit in,
Until I found out
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But I don't belong

It was a beautiful let down
When you found me here
Yeah for once in a rare blue moon I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful let down
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free
We're still chasin our tails and the rising sun
And our dark water planet's
Still spinning in a race
Where no one wins and no one's one

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong
But i don't belong
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Kingdom come
Your kingdom come

Won't you let me down yeah
Let my foolish pride
Forever let me down

Easy living, not much like your name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Won't you please take me off your list
Easy living please come on and let me down

We are a beautiful let down,
Painfully uncool,
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures and the fools
Oh what a beautiful let down
Are we salt in the wound
Let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Feels like I don't belong here
Let me down
Let me down
Feels like I'm let down
Let me down.
Cuz I don't belong here
Please
Won't you let me down?
--------
A depraved, broken nation in need of a Saviour.

when i first saw your nick, i got a great shock. it disturbed me greatly.. so much so that i couldn't concentrate on my work. but there's work to be done.. and so i pushed it away. it lingers in my mind...
until i wanted to express how i felt and saw this song. and searched the lyrics. and what i hid away resurfaced and allowed me to cry a bitter cry for you.

'Stars lookin at our planet watching entropy and pain
And maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass as sane
I've been thinking bout the meaning of resistance, of a hope beyond my own
And suddenly the infinite and penitent begin to look like home'

please don't wander away from the truth.

kanon is very sad :(
ever since episode 8, it's been very sad. sad not for no reason.. but sad 'cos it touches on death, touches on the denial of things.. the awareness that your friend is going to die. the denial of a dying sister to prevent hurting oneself, but in the process hurting the sister...
eternal summer also very sad :( reminded me of some stuff that happened in the past.

ah.
i do so wanna watch eternal summer. hahaa. BUT, as i was telling jiali, it's
1) r21 (probably 'cos of theme of homosexuality. brokeback was also r21 and it had nothing inside).
2) it's of an intriguing theme=] must filter=]

anyway, it's got good reviews on it even though it has the lgbt label attached to it.. and it's got 4 golden horse awards. and if it helps, the theme song is done by Mayday and Ashin. hahaa.
a few links:
Sheng4 Xia4 Guang1 Nian2 - Eternal Summer
the MV for the starting song

Next time before we start complaining of sian-ness in life.. let's take a step back and thank God that we don't have progeria.

btw, if there's one day which you're very bored:) you can try going to this website.

http://cheddarvision.tv./

hahahaha:)

- be it unto me, according to Your Word
according to Your promises, i can stand secure
... upon my heart, the truth that sets me free
according to Your Word oh Lord, be it unto me-

easter is coming this sunday:) good friday is this friday:) are you still experiencing a constant hole in your heart with which you're looking for things to fill up with, or have you found the One who'll fill this hole up?:)

studying for issues in developmental psy now=] i like it. hahaa. i like to study things which are atypical and think about them. i like abnormal psy and issues in developmental psy. i like subcultures. hahaha. i find it intriguing when people behave out of the norm:)
i really enjoy psychology:) sometimes i might wrestle with it. sometimes i may feel disappointed by it. sometimes i may be frustrated...but i love it nonetheless. you know it when you find something that fits nicely into the way you're created to be.. that piece of puzzle that fits so nicely and snugly into the grand puzzle of life... whereby the whole picture will slowly be shown more and more through each of the things you experience:) psychology is one of the pieces which fitted nicely in. haha.
and i've been finding more and more of the pieces even as i've come to know Christ:) the joy everytime some piece fits nicely in.. the hardwork that might come beforehand in trying to determine if it's the right piece... but nevertheless, when you find it, when you put it in and it fits.. =]
i wonder if anyone knows what i'm talking about. hahaha.
but yup.
really hope that everyone will be able to gradually find the pieces of the purpose of their life as well:) though my belief is that the picture can never be complete without God in your life:)